


A River's Final Meandering

by ChibiGingi



Category: Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-03-29 13:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 275,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3897874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiGingi/pseuds/ChibiGingi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wu lays on the precipice of recapturing the Jing Province once and for all, only for their operation to be endangered when a wandering mystic seeks to dissuade their determined Chief-Commander from his duties...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mystic Under the Peach Tree

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.
> 
> Edit: I would also kind to stress that certain lines or sentences are either taken from the video game, the novel or from historical text, either directly or paraphrased to fit the tone and style of the narrative. There are a few lines that have been inspired by fellow fans as well and I would like to acknowledge them here. To Rydain, her unofficial translation was used during Chapter 27 "Hoodwinked", at the conclusion of the battle, as I felt her translations were far more meaningful and offered deeper impact to the scene and authenticity of the event itself.

Life was filled with surprises and by this point, Lü Meng of Wu had grown weary of them. Despite his constant grumbles and denial, he was simply getting too old to be able to handle life’s constant barrage of twists, turns and mystery,

‘You’re not old,’ he told himself, wiping the moisture of the rain from his eyes and pretending it didn't at all obscure his vision in the least. His horse shifted beneath him, annoyed by the seemingly endless downpour and the crowd of people congregating so close to him, but patient with his rider, as always. At least they were sheltered, not that a rogue gust of wind didn't do its best to make that effort pointless from time to time. Both of them were thoroughly tired of this rain but neither complained, as it was the way of one of Wu’s pillars of strength. ‘You’re only 42. Hardly old at all. You’re letting him get to you.’

He wanted to blame it on the weather, as the ongoing rain had worked wonders in dwindling the stone rock that was Wu’s Chief-Commander. Or perhaps he could blame it on their current siege. Recapturing the Jing Province had all been careful, tedious, slow and meticulous, and who better to know its weight of that burden than Lü Meng? By now, the pressure to carry on this operation was pressing down on him from all sides into a perfectly maintained pincer attack, one that would have left any scholar or strategist envious, even the one at its mercy at that very moment. But he felt he was managing it well enough. When the soldiers looked to him, they saw a cold pillar of might and discipline. When the local farmers and villagers saw him, they saw a strict, but just commander that tended to their needs just as much as his soldiers. All was well. ‘In appearance, anyway.’

So long as the last district remained under Shu’s control, so long as Guan Yu held a tight control of his men and army, then Lü Meng would not know peace. However, as far as he knew, few had suspected a thing, and those that did knew better than to draw the matter out into the open. Not that it would be an invitation for him to drop his guard, especially now when they were so close. So it would figure that the day they stood on the precipice of the conclusion of their siege and merely waited for word from the scouts that they’d be visited by what the locals suspected to be a mystic. And that this mystic, who was revered so much that people clamored to the edge of the city’s western entrance and those unable to make it to the opening peered through the creases in the wooden walls. Even when Lü Meng approached, they moved aside to let the Chief-Commander and his horse pass but remained there, all in hopes of maybe getting a glimpse of the one that wished to grace their city with a city. It was a wonder who was more excited about this turn of events, the locals or his soldiers. Lü Meng didn't feel any of it. No, he wasn't so much excited as he was curious and downright suspicious.

What would bring someone that was identified as a mystic here? He couldn't think of a reason, at least not one that wouldn't make make people stare at him strangely if he shared them anyway. He had very few experiences with mystics before and those times he did were not favorable to said mystics, nor himself. Assuming they were even mystics at all.

Assuming this one was. That had yet to be seen, and despite his suspicions, he kept it all to himself. 

“Well, if their reaction is anything to go by, he seems like he’s legit.” The voice that called to him snapped him back to attention, never once realizing his mind had wandered until he heard Lu Xun from within the crowd. He offered the young officer a polite nod as he moved through the forest of people, and he was thankful to see Lu Xun return, seemingly unharmed and only a little drenched thanks to the weather. It wasn't his idea to send him out to investigate first, but he knew better than to argue with his student on the matter when it came up. He was as equal part involved in this operation as he was and deserved that respect, though he wished it didn't mean he’d have to go through the rounds along with him. He tried to focus on the task at hand and not the growing signs of weariness that shone in the youth’s features. He could afford looking haggard, but Lu Xun still had many, many years ahead of him. 

“Good. I’d hate to think a trickster got these good people worked up for nothing,” Lü Meng said after a moment’s consideration. He knew that even suggesting a fake ‘mystic’ might have ruffled feathers, but he made sure to keep his voice level and polite, not wanting those gathered around him to think he was ever insulting them or their intelligence. None seemed offended by his statement and so he pushed that thought aside. As far as he knew now, he would be dealing with a real mystic, though why and what would be discussed had yet to be determined. He was hoping that Lu Xun would have offered some insight on that and he wasted no time. “Did you get the chance to speak with him?”

“I did, but he would not tell me who he was or why he was here, besides to ask to see you, Master Lü Meng.” 

That wasn't entirely true. He, the mystic, had specifically requested to see the one in charge of the Wu forces that occupied the bulk of the Jing Province, and for all intents and purposes, it was Lu Xun. And Lu Xun had agreed to see him, but his return was as abrupt as his departure, which had meant that this mystic had known their ploy. And that was where Lü Meng’s need for concern started. How much did this mystic know and could he be a problem to their operation?

‘It’s too early to tell,’ Lü Meng told himself, reigning in any fears or concerns before they had a chance to manifest. He took slow, trained breaths, the same he’d practice before engaging the enemy, and managed to master such a skill by now to where it took him only a second to compose himself. All without a single one catching a glimpse of that momentary panic before it was whisked away from existence. 

Lu Xun now stood directly besides him and Ying, reaching for the reigns as Lü Meng dismounted. Ying, his grey stallion of many challenging years, objected with a belligerent whicker, but a few calming strokes to his thick, muscular neck soothed him. Lu Xun was alarmed as well, but he knew better, keeping his voice low though unable to hide the apprehension that that coated his words. “So, will you go out to meet him? What if it’s-”

“A trap? Then better a willing sacrifice than an unforeseen massacre later on.” Lü Meng put it bluntly, giving his horse another scratch behind his ears before retrieving White Tiger from its holster. No one objected or questioned the action, knowing that when meeting with an unknown entity that it never hurt to be prepared. Not that he or others thoughts that he would need it, but Lü Meng was seldom was not to err on the side of caution. He wore too many scars for that now. “Should anything happen, then you’re to continue as instructed, to the letter. You do know the rest of the operation, don’t you?”

It was a stupid question, and the look Lu Xun gave him threatened to break his carefully constructed stone mask. “You know I do, Master Lü Meng. I hope it won’t be necessary.”

“As do it,” the Chief-Commander said with a mumble. He pulled away from both his student and his horse and made his way towards the fields to the west, where the mystic awaited his company. Along the way, he offered smiles and exchanged pleasantries with the locals, welcoming the chance to distract himself from the maelstrom of troubling thoughts that barraged his already exposed anxieties. It was hard to take a hold of hands when one carried such a heavy weapon with them, but Lü Meng wasn't willing to part with it just yet. He didn't want to think he would have to use his weapon, but should he need to ensure the safety of the operation, then he told himself he wouldn't hold back. 

“I don’t think you’ll have much trouble with him, Commander.” He was just out of the hearing range of the city when Zhu Ran called down to him from his post, and whereas most villagers or even soldiers might have panicked, Lü Meng knew exactly where to look. It didn't take long to spot the young officer in the tree above him and once their eyes locked, he finished his report. “He’s just sitting under that decrepit peach tree just a bit aways. No weapons on him from what I can see, and he didn't so much as raise a finger when Lu Xun approached him.”

This hardly surprised the Chief-Commander. “Because he didn't want Lu Xun. He wanted me. If he has some kind of ‘magic’ based plan, he may just be saving it for me.”

“Makes sense. Why go for the minnow when you can go for the bream?”

“I wouldn't equate Lu Xun to a minnow, Zhu Ran. A catfish or sturgeon maybe.” How nervous was Wu’s Chief-Commander that he would ever waste time talking about fish? Still, Zhu Ran’s metaphor was accurate in one way and helped ground him back down. “Thank you for keeping an eye on him.”

“No worries. I know how much the mission relies on keeping him out of trouble…” Then he added in a tone that seemed to indicated that he didn't want Lü Meng to hear and yet he did. “Not to mention how much you dote on him.”

Very few expected such a statement and fewer could deliver it in such a manner that Zhu Ran could, through a kind smile even when his eyes were biting fiercer than a tiger’s jaw. And Lü Meng was neither surprised nor angry; he had no right to be since he had more or less raised Zhu Ran to be like that. A splitting image, minus the smiling part, others told him. “Groomed. I groom him, as I should, as he is my successor in Shu’s eyes.”

He couldn't get a good look at his face, but he could tell that he didn't care for the comment. He could practically feel him bristling from here the quiver of the branch he was camped on did exactly what he wanted it to do, pelting the Chief-Commander harmlessly with raindrops. More water to wither away at the stone…

“Yeah, how could I forget? Anyway, I’ll keep an eye on this meeting from here. If he even looks at you funny, I’ll decorate his forehead with a nice hat, courtesy of Wu.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary, but I appreciate it.” Lü Meng allowed his act to drop for a moment and he gave the young officer a smile, knowing that it’d be enough to placate that aggravation for the moment at least. Until the next time, anyways. There’d always be a next time with Zhu Ran and Lu Xun, Lü Meng thought to himself briefly before pushing the troubling thought to the side for later. Now he spotted Zhu Ran’s face through the leaves and was content when he saw his smile was returned. He should have been more strict with the boy, but it wasn't high on his priority list right now. Talking with this mystic and seeing where his true intentions lied were…

He was easy to spot, even without Zhu Ran’s directions. A lone figure in tattered white and grey robes sat beneath a decrepit peach tree, charred black and split into three parts by a rogue lightning bolt towards the earlier part of their occupation of the province months ago. White against charred black bark was extremely easy to see and once spotted, it was near impossible to cast his eyes anywhere else. Good for showing one’s guest the proper respect, not so great when checking for traps.

“You will find none here, Lü Meng of Runan, none of which planted by myself.” The voice that beckoned him was nothing as he expected. Though heavy, it did not waver and what it carried with it was not so much as age but instead wisdom. Wisdom to read the suspicion that Lü Meng was failing to hide, Lü Meng told himself, but wise to not hold that suspicion against him as it lacked that judgmental tone that might have been present otherwise. “Your weapon is also unnecessary, as my intentions are not to bring you harm.”

Lü Meng didn't bother to ask how this supposed mystic knew his name and home district. Anyone could have figured that out through word of mouth, the Chief-Commander reminded himself, and though he was beckoned to abandon his weapon, he did no such thing. He did, however, stop in his advance and offer the mystic a bow of his head, before lowering the weapon into a more relaxed position. “If it is all the same to you, I’ll be keeping it close to me.”

“Of course.” The mystic said, his smile polite but Lü Meng couldn't help but catch a hint of scorn in the undercurrent of that voice. But he did not argue nor did he look to be insisting on putting the weapon away, Lü Meng noted, seeing how the man’s peculiar eyes never once left him. A dark circle eclipsed the right eye, not entirely as skin could be seen still, but in a circular pattern- water from the rain hit Lü Meng’s gaze and forced him to wipe his own, distracting him from the mystic’s gaze as the old man addressed him. “That weapon is an extension of you and has been for so long that you are simply unable to part with it, even when the situation calls for a more delicate solution. I could no more ask you to part with your weapon than I could ask you to part with your arm.”

Lü Meng wasn't sure he was prepared for such a barrage of words and though they never carried louder than a casual conversation would between two friends. Yet, there was something that carried in his voice, a tone that Lü Meng was no stranger to and immediately tried to pushed him into a state that he often felt in his younger years. Vulnerable, mocked, ridiculed, and that was a state he had worked hard to dig himself out of. He couldn't stop the feeling of indignation that swelled within him, but he knew better than to react hastily. Despite how the rain and tension from their current operation caused his patience to dwindle, he scrounged up as much as he could and managed to hide it behind a forced polite smile, as he sought to mimic the same calm, composed tone that he’d use when addressing his troops. “Exactly. I’m afraid I've been involved in this war far too long now to set down my weapon for now. I’m hoping there’ll be a day when I can rest it against its pedestal and never use it again.”

“Many times have I heard men of war proclaim this, and yet how often do they hold true to it? They wish to lay down their arms and free themselves from the burden and clean themselves of the bloodshed, but the moment there is a window, they suit up and leap through it without thought or hesitation. I wonder, Lü Meng, if your proclamation holds any more weight than theirs. Does your words ring true, or are they merely something to tell your lord and yourself to ease your conscience?”

The mystic’s diction carried itself in a manner that most people might have felt threatened by, and Lü Meng couldn't deny that he could feel intimidation scratching at the back of his throat, but he swallowed it down. Years of throwing himself into battle and talking with the likes of his predecessors had steeled him to handle such matters. Words weren't his strong suit, but he found that those who chose to speak in such a manner were often times than not compensating for lack of physical strength and used their stronger assets to get the advantage over their opponent. Which had meant that this man’s presence wasn't entirely as ‘peaceful’ as he was letting on, if he felt threatened by his presence. In a fluid movement, he drove White Tiger downwards and planted the weapon into the ground, the display meant to ensure his guest that it would remain with him but out of play, and to Zhu Ran to keep his eyes peeled for trouble. The mystic’s gaze never left him and he took a seat before him, mimicking his stance as best he could. Legs crossed and his hands planted firmly on his knees, in the mystic’s line of sight and for the moment, weaponless, but not helpless. “That remains to be seen, I’m afraid. I don’t have the ability to see into the future like others claim to. Times change, situations change, and people change. They have to.”

“And you would know much about change, would you not?”

Now this made Lü Meng uncomfortable and it showed in his eyes. His brows narrowed slightly, but he tried to keep his voice level and polite, as he was trained to do. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I would. If you knew me, in which you apparently seem to, you’d know that to be true. So, who are you, and what are your intentions here today?”

“I am surprised you did not ask sooner,” the mystic said, never moving, never shifting. He couldn't even see if he blinked, as every time he tried to look into the mystic’s eyes, rain water would find its way into his own and force his gaze to his forehead or cheeks instead. “My name is Zuo Ci, servant of the Han, and my intentions here today are to dissuade you from the path of destruction you and your lord’s army are currently on.”

Somewhere, a lightning bolt struck, unseen to either men but its presence known from the thunder the rolled across the sky in its wake. Had Lü Meng not just feel as though his entire operation was just threatened, he might have been humbled by the timing on that lightning strike, but there was no such feeling of humor within him. Only terror, but just barely contained, as the only outward sign he’d allow to slip through his defenses was the deepening of his scowl. “So, you know what our intentions in Jing Province are, do you?”

It worried him. Months they've been here and thus far, not a single local felt threatened, those able to fight back were easily subdued or won over with minimal effort. Contact with the outside world and the rest of the Shu forces led by Guan Yu were kept intact, but none suspected the truth of their presence here. For months they kept this act up and soon, Lü Meng hoped, they’d be reaching the climax of their operation, with minimal, if any, casualties at all, and the thought of it coming undone here… 

“Please, do not be so quick to pass me off as a threat, Lü Meng.” Zuo Ci must have seen past his defenses, and despite its uselessness, the Chief-Commander was determined to keep his wits about him, all the while devising a way around this sudden predicament. “I have been observing your actions here in Jing Province from afar for some time now. You are very meticulous, very precise. Your invasion thus far has been seamless and I can assure you that, at this rate, the last province is well within your reach.”

It took a little off his mind, but not enough for him to drop his defenses. If anything, it made him more suspicious to know that this mystic’s been watching them… no, not them. Him. He made a point to stress the difference between himself and the rest of the army before. He was being spied on, personally, and that bothered him almost as much as the thought of their occupation going up in flames. “And yet you summon me here to stop me. Why did you wait so long to do so? And how do I know you haven’t been sending reports to Guan Yu?”

“I summon you here to dissuade you from your current path- I cannot force you to stray from your path but I can persuade you away from it.”

“More like lure me away,” Lü Meng said, unable to hide his suspicions now. 

“You could choose to think of it like that, I suppose. However which way you decide to see it, it does not change my intentions in the least, Lü Meng.”

“So why now? You claim you have been observing me for awhile now, and yet only now have you decided to step in to stop me. Why?”

Lü Meng wished he could have afforded to drop his act, but even now, even when he was filled with apprehension and well-justified anger, he knew he had to keep his head on his shoulders. He owed it to his men, his lord, and especially to the Chief-Commanders that came before him. He couldn't afford to lose his head, not here, not now. And yet despite his best efforts, he suspected that the mystic already knew just how unraveled his proclamation made him, and had the nerve to act kind and understanding towards him? “Because I wished to get to know you before I made my move. I wanted to see what kind of man you were through your actions here in the Jing province, so that I would know just who I would be dealing with when the time came. I've learned much about you, though there is much I don’t know still, should that sooth you some. I wanted to see what it was that had even the God of War weary of your presence before he mobilized his forces onward to Fan Castle.”

It was gratifying in a way, to be told that one was considered a threat, especially to one dubbed the God of War almost unanimously by not only his peers but by his enemies as well, but it wasn't enough to sooth Lü Meng’s rising anxieties. Despite his flattering his words were, this man was still here to stop him and Lü Meng didn't appreciate that in the least. “And? Have you found your answer?”

“Yes, and no. I've learned much from you from my observations alone, but there is still much I do not know, and that is part of why you are here. I was hoping to speak with you personally and fill in the blanks that you purposefully keep hidden away from the people here at Jing Province.”

Lü Meng let out a sigh, tilting his head down slightly in a rare moment of weakness before sitting up straight once more. It was a small relief, but a relief nevertheless. “And tell me, what does learning more about me have to do with your efforts to dissuade me from my path? What does it matter?”

“It would tell me what kind of man you are, Lü Meng, and to see if you can be convinced or not. It would tell me if my efforts to try and dissuade you would be a worthy endeavor, or if I should save my energy for preparing for the fallout of your actions. I wish to ensure that the Han remains intact and its followers on the path of virtue, and I fear that you have become a threat to that cause,” Zuo Ci said, and only now did Lü Meng catch the slightest wavering of his voice. Curious, Lü Meng tried again to peer into the mystic’s eyes without the rain trying to interfere, and this time, the gleam he saw in them threatened to unnerve him in an instant. There was a hint of sorrow in those eyes, as though he had witnessed his fair share of misery, but Lü Meng refused to succumb to it and kept his mind focused. “Will you humor an old man, Lü Meng of Runan? Will you let me know who you truly are, for the sake of your mission?”

“That’s a big order you’re requesting from me, I’m afraid,” Lü Meng said, keeping his eyes locked with the mystic and refusing to release them now that he caught them. It was a small victory in a way and one that he’d hold onto for as long as possible. “Seeing that you’re here to stop me from completing my operation, that more or less makes your my enemy, doesn't it? Sharing such personal information with an enemy seems like it’d be a bad idea.”

Their eyes remained locked, but Lü Meng wasn't a fool. He could tell that something had happened, that something had changed and was changing all around him. The rain that once bothered him, kept him and his men miserable and prevented him from locking eyes with the mystic for so long, seemed to become nonexistent and yet he could still hear it cascading in sheets around him. He tried to look but his gaze would not… could not leave Zuo Ci’s. And the mystic, who hadn't moved anything more than his lips and jaw, appeared distant, yet his voice remained just as predominant as ever, curling into his ear and making itself comfortable as the world shifted around him, into a more familiar surrounding, one he had not been to since… 

“And sneaking into battle for seeking fame and fortune was?”


	2. Stowaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Deng Dang encounters a snag of his own on the way to meet Lord Sun Ce's forces in the form of an overeager and brash fifteen year old...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

Runan province was never renowned for its wealth, at least in regards to golds or monetary goods. If one looked at its value in terms of crop and export, however, one might have considered it being worth of being the constant target of recent bandit and Shanyue raids. Perhaps this was what pushed farmers to abandon their fields and replace their gardening tools with swords and spears, or perhaps it was a sense of pride and the resiliency to simply allow criminals to raid their stores and homes and trample their fields with no respect for their hard work and sacrifice. Or perhaps it was the reward that the young Sun lord from the south offered that appealed to their desire to free themselves from the monetary pitfall that they found themselves trapped in? Whatever the reason, Deng Dang was content with the turnout.

Even if it meant splitting the reward multiple ways, he preferred it that way. Better to split the earnings than to find himself and his unit horribly outnumbered when it came to dealing with the likes of the Shanyue barbarians.

In all honesty, Sun Ce’s edict and reward were not entirely necessary to entice people to move into action against the ones that threatened to ravage their province, but it certainly didn't hurt when pulling in the numbers. To the people of Runan, there was no love or sympathy to spare for the barbarians that harassed them. ‘And good,’ Deng Dang thought as he looked over the rather hodge-podge troops that had gathered at the makeshift barracks with some matter of pride swelling in his chest. Outwardly there was little unity among the troops that had gathered and his own soldiers seemed to stick out among the crowd like a sore thumb, but to see so many farmers among them willing to take a stand, even at the risk of their own lives, gave him hope.

As well as the starting of an ulcer.

While Deng Dang was unimaginably pleased with the turnout, he was more than a little concerned about supplies, and more so than that, the condition of his growing unit. Few had ever fought in combat, even fewer of them had held a sword or spear! One recruit already managed to injure himself before they had even marched out and it took much convincing to make him leave to tend to himself. They needed training, his second Fa Shi said to him earlier in the day, and while he was absolutely correct, there was simply no time. Their solution was to train them on the road and pray that it’d be enough.

“With any luck, we’ll act as either the supply line or back-up,” Fa Shi said to him, catching up with the lieutenant as they marched on towards the edge of Fupo, eager to leave the village behind and get on the way. Despite their inexperience, there was little remorse in the recruit’s eyes as they passed through the entrance of their village, for some might never see it again, and Deng Dang could only admire them more for that. Either bravery or ignorance, it was admirable to see none of them look back. As the scenery changed from a tattered and barely kept buildings and walls to open fields, littered with the farmers either too old or unable, and unwilling, to enlist, Deng Dang began to plot the next few days in his mind, trying to think of important dates and strategies, and how he’d squeeze in training for the new recruits between here and their next rendezvous with Lord Sun Ce himself. Not that Fa Shi was helping any. “Every horse we have is tied to a carriage and it won’t be long before the new recruits start to complain about their legs and feet.”

“I’m sure there will be something for our men to do, though I’m more concerned to keeping our supplies in our hands on the way there.” Deng Dang looked back at their caravan and was content to see that all three carriages were surrounded by a fair number of soldiers. Though he’d prefer there’d be more security, as the Shanyue weren't opposed to altering their patterns and going out of the way to attack a heavily guarded caravan just to see what was inside. He said none of these things aloud to Fa Shi or any of his men, however, as he was more determined to get his men and the supplies to their destination before any barbarians caught wind of their movement. “I want eyes on them at all times. Lord Sun Ce’s counting on us to deliver food and I certainly don’t wish to disappoint any member of that family.”

Fa Shi wore a smile that would have gotten him a good scolding, had anyone higher than a lieutenant were present now. “No, angering tigers is usually a bad thing.”

That was another concern that Deng Dang had, but he knew better than to even mention it. Their route would take them through a dense forest and though none had seen a tiger prowling in this region, it didn't mean that running into one wasn't within the realm of possibilities. Every second his ulcer was getting worse and worse and he looked out into the open fields to take his mind off the matter of tigers and barbarians. 

Curious eyes from the farmers were upon them as they passed by on the road, offering their silent appreciation, farewells to their fellow farmers who sought fame and glory elsewhere and general good luck in silent nods. Deng Dang returned the gesture with little thought, as his mind turned elsewhere. One farmer even bowed to them as they passed, reminding him of something very, very important. “Fa Shi, do me a favor and check the contents of the carriages.”

It was a simple request and had he given the order to anyone else, they’d simply salute and obey. Fa Shi, however, wore a forlorn expression, all humor gone within seconds. He was obviously thinking the same thing as he was. “You don’t think-”

“Just do it. Humor me.”

And then Fa Shi wore a wry grin, bowing his head before he ran back to the caravan. “I’m afraid to, sir. The joke’s getting old.”

Deng Dang shared the same sentiments. Yes, it was getting old, except that he knew it wasn't a joke. As Fa Shi moved to the first carriage, Deng Dang took a moment to survey they farm, hoping to spot a familiar figure among the farmers to put his mind at ease. He didn't want to think that there’d be a problem so early in their operation, but the feeling in his gut wouldn't allow him to take any chances at this point. By the time Fa Shi moved to the third carriage, they were passing by the last stretch of rice fields, where a line of humble looking huts were stationed between the nearby forest and Fupo. There weren't usually people hanging around that area at this time of day, especially when the fields needed tended, but today seemed to be an exception. The wives, mothers and sisters of the newest recruits stood near the huts, too distraught to tend to their work just yet and those unable to work helping their fellow sisters cope with their loved one’s departure. It pained him to see such a reaction and he hoped his recruits wouldn't lose spirit at the sight of it, but it seemed out of his power to instruct them to look elsewhere. They had made their decision and now they had to commit. For the sake of their village, their fields and, most importantly, for the people they loved.

His gaze immediately shot to the hut third to the end, distinguishable to him not due to any outward sign or physical differences, but the ones who resided there. Even from this distance, he could see two of the inhabitants of that hut, the elder woman comforting her neighbor who sobbed uncontrollably and her daughter standing at the doorway. There was a considerable distance between them, but Deng Dang could memorize every single detail of her beautiful, heart-shaped face. There was a sadness lingering in her dark eyes, but also, understanding and strength that most women her age lacked, but only because she had fought hard to earn it. Their eyes locked, even from this distance and she didn't spare a wave for him. Instead, she gave him an approving nod, and once he returned the gesture, she was content enough to retreat back into the hut. 

As much as it did his heart well to know she supported him and their troops, she wasn't the one he longed to see. Instead, it was her younger brother and he looked until he spotted the youth. He was off near side of the hut, hoe in hand and his back turned to the unit that marched on, as if to will himself to ignore their presence when others were captivated by it. Despite the distance and the angle, he’d recognize that profile from anywhere and immediately, the fist in his stomach uncurled itself and allowed for the lieutenant to relax. And if that wasn't enough, Fa Shi’s report eased the rest of his anxieties on the matter. “Checked every single one of them. Nothing but food, water and the usual stuff, sir.”

“Thank the ancestors for that,” Deng Dang said, pointing to the youth that outright refused to look towards them for Fa Shi to see. “Maybe he’s finally found some damn sense.”

“Or maybe she knocked some into him, if he couldn't find it. He seems resentful.”

“You think so?” Deng Dang didn't bother to consider that possibility simply because he knew he was. He knew that family well, too well, and Fa Shi’s assumption wasn't entirely inaccurate either. He hoped that wasn't the case, but it wasn't a concern of his anymore. Knowing that he was here, in Fupo, tending the fields even if begrudgingly, was enough for him to let the matter slide and focus on the more important task of mobilizing his unit to the rendezvous point and get his men prepared and trained along the way. The more he thought about it, the more he hoped Fa Shi was right one their role in the upcoming operation. He would address the matter with Lord Sun Ce when they reached Changsha, barring any unforeseen incidents. “Have a scout run ahead. I’ll have Yu Mao act as the vanguard in case we run into any trouble. Take the rear and keep an eye out for any of our enemy or tigers.”

Fa Shi gave a tight salute and had waited until he was well out of arm’s reach before he commented in a low but snide tone. “Or Lü Meng’s…”

“I really wish you wouldn't joke about that. Get going.”

~*~*~

In a way, Deng Dang should have known better. His gut instincts had warned him several times throughout the trip to go back and check Fa Shi’s work but his mind refused to let him obey, distracting him with the daunting task ahead of him and how he was going to train the new recruits along the way. They had made such good time that day and surprisingly enough there were fewer complaints than what he was expecting from the farmers turned soldiers. They only stopped when it became too dark and the path too dangerous for them to venture out alone, and even then, his gut was telling him to check the carriages, check the boxes, check the supplies. But he didn't. He busied himself with reports from his scouts and his men, allowing his soldiers to handle the supply carriages and the preparation for camp. He should have listened to his gut.

“Stowaway!” 

He had been dreading that word, almost as much as news of their enemy or tigers. Someone might as well have screamed ‘disaster’ or ‘ambush’ at him, as though it brought confusion in the ranks, Deng Dang knew exactly what the shout had meant, and who it was referring to. He wanted to kid himself and think that it was someone else- a thief that was attracted to the horse-drawn carriages and the heavy patrol that guarded them, or an enemy spy that hoped to either overhear their plans or assassinate him in the middle of rest. Not that he was looking forward to any of those possibilities, but it would have been nice to pretend that it wasn't who he was dreading it’d be. 

There was a slight ruckus and Deng Dang moved to put an end to it quickly. The last thing he wanted was the new recruits or the horses getting spooked because the guard that caught the stowaway overreacted. Recruits stood at the ready but thankfully no one had raised their weapons yet, as the officer pulled the stowaway away from the carriage and pushed him at Deng Dang’s general direction. It didn't bring Deng Dang any pleasure to see the youth stumble on his feet and fall to the ground in front of him- if anything, it threatened to snap his waning patience and he checked the officer before he could remove his sword from his sheath. “Don’t. That won’t be necessary.”

“But, sir-”

Deng Dang didn't say anything, raising his hand and giving the officer a stern look, before casting his gaze down at their stowaway. By now, the youth had managed to push himself into a more respectable position in front of him, prostrating himself into a kowtow though Deng Dang wasn't fooled in the least. Though he bowed, he was completely still, no shaking or trembling, which meant there was no fear in him when there should have been. It was enough to drive Deng Dang insane! “As for you, Lü Meng, I have every right to let this man cut you down right now, but I won’t. For now. You, have Fa Shi and Yu Mao report to my tent,” he said to the guard, trying so desperately hard not to let too much of his anger bubble out right now, though not for the youth’s sake or even his own, but for the recruits right now. He didn't want to scare them so early in their journey and he was afraid that if he let them see just how deep that anger of his went that they’d find him more terrifying than any barbarian they’d face. “We’ll discuss the fate of our stowaway there.”

“Yes, sir!” The officer said, and once he left, Deng Dang leaned down and pulled the teenager to his feet, trying not to grunt when he offered some resistance though it was short lived. He stood but not quite at his full height just yet and he kept his head down, though Deng Dang wasn't sure if it was out of defiance or respect or fear that Lü Meng didn't look at him. He’d straighten that out once they were alone, and if there wasn't fear in him, he’d have to work it into him himself, because there should have been!

Neither officer made him wait for long and Fa Shi was besides himself when he arrived, barely waiting to take his helmet off before running his mouth, muffling out a part of his rant though no one felt the need to ask him to repeat himself. “... heaven’s name did you manage to stowaway in the carriage? I checked them himself!”

“That’s what I’m curious to find out as well.” Deng Dang couldn't blame his second for his anger and he was grateful that he managed to keep it contained in a shout and not striking at the youth that had yet to say anything since he dragged him in. Yu Mao’s reaction was more tamed, though he was relatively new to his unit and so he didn't have to deal with Lü Meng’s antics nearly as much as he and Fa Shi had. Now that they were all present, he drew his attention back to the troublemaker and rejoiced in silence when he caught him flinch. “So, how did you do it this time? I know Fa Shi checked each carriage thoroughly. Explain.”

He took in Lü Meng’s expression, despite his efforts to keep his gaze diverted. He knew this game. He was pretending to be respectful or ashamed, but Deng Dang knew better than that. More likely he was hiding a grin, getting some measure of glee in outsmarting both of them for this long. Even now he caught a glimmer in his deep green eyes as he finally confessed. “He didn't check the ceiling of the second carriage. He never looks up.”

“Ancestors…”

“Hush, Fa Shi.” Deng Dang cut him off before he could give Lü Meng anymore fuel. He may have tried to hide it but Deng Dang could see the way the edges of his lips tightened to hide the desire to smile. He wished he’d try a little harder for Fa Shi’s sake, but he came to expect little from the unruly teenager these days. “Alright, so you clung to the ceiling. For the entire trip, or only when he came to check?”

“Only when he came to check. I couldn't stay up that long.”

‘So the whole time.’ Deng Dang shook his head, not meaning to suspect the worst out of the youth but far too weary to take him at face value now. This wasn't the first time he’d do thing and he felt the tingling of indignation swelling in his gut that Lü Meng had the nerve to think that he wouldn't have caught on by now. He wouldn't try that trick again, at least not from the ceiling. “From now on, I’ll be inspecting them, ceilings and the undercarriage. Maybe even under the horses if you’re stupid enough to try that, even! Alright, so now explain how you managed the trick on the field. Who was that?”

That definitely wiped the smile off of his face but Lü Meng was a good sport about it at least. That’d just mean he’d have to find another way of sneaking in the next time, and the lieutenant was irritated that he wasn't even willing to delude himself that there wouldn't be a next time. Lü Meng glanced away but said nothing, and Deng Dang took the silence at an opportunity to guess, immediately wishing he was wrong. “Was it Chinmai?”

Lü Meng didn't say anything but the way his shoulders hunched told him all he needed to know. Fa Shi and Yu Mao didn't understand that body language, but Deng Dang did, and now there was nothing that could contain the lieutenant’s anger. “You… idiot! Using your sister like that!”

“She wanted to do it,” Lu Meng said with a shout and now it made sense why he was holding himself in such a manner, as Deng Dang strode forward from his desk and cuffed the teenager on the head. Lü Meng let out a grunt but made no move to fight back or defend himself. The wisest decision all day for him, but one that would be undone mere seconds later by simply opening his mouth to speak. “I didn't even ask her to-”

He was cut off by another cuff, this time pelting him on the temple and Deng Dang suspected he might have hit him a little too hard that time, but he refused to apologize in front of his men. No, if there were to be any apologies and that’d be a big IF, it’d wait until he was alone with the teenager, but he didn't see it in the near future. After the second strike, Lü Meng’s shoulders grew tense and his hands balled into fists, but he went silent once more, knowing that whatever he’d say would only earn him a third strike. “It doesn't matter, Lü Meng! Chinmai had no business being out there in her condition. You could have made it worse.”

Only now did Yu Mao interject, but it wasn't for Lü Meng’s sake that he did so. “Who’s Chinmai?”

“Lü Chinmai, Meng’s sister.” Fa Shi answered, trying to fathom how not only Lü Meng but Chinmai managed to pull the deception off. “His twin sister, though they never looked too much alike. How did she manage to pull that off?”

Deng Dang didn't give Lü Meng a chance to answer, trying to reign his anger back in before it got the better of him but failing miserably. The only relief he felt that it was concealed to the rest of his troops besides Fa Shi and Yu Mao, as small of a reprise as that was now. “Hay, probably, stuffed under her garments. Not to mention being viewed at the distance they were at, there was no way we could have spotted the differences. For the love of… Lü Meng, what could you possibly have been thinking, coming with us like this? Do you have any idea what we’re doing?”

It was an invitation to talk, but now Lü Meng was showing some hesitation. Maybe he struck him too hard that second time? He looked him over and saw no blood or cuts, but it’d probably bruise a little, nothing that the teenager couldn't handle and certainly not the worst he ever sported. Before Deng Dang could strike him again, he managed to collect his voice, no pain or fear in it though there was some hesitation as he spoke. “Yes sir. We’re going to fight the Shanyue, and I wanted to help.”

Deng Dang shook his head as he cried, “But you’re too young! You’re only thirteen!”

“Fifteen.” Lü Meng corrected, and he braced for another attack that, thankfully, did not come. “And it doesn't matter. I want to help.”

“Like hell it doesn't matter! You’re too young to be marching into battle like this!”

Fa Shi stepped in before it could become a yelling match, though he was smart to keep his distance between the two. Though young, Lü Meng was tall and rather stout for his age and while he was willing to take a few blows from the lieutenant, he was certain that he wouldn't tolerate any of that from his officers. “Fa Shi, Yu Mao, can you please step out for a moment so that I can talk some sense into Lü Meng?”

Neither argued nor disobeyed. If anything, they seemed eager to get out of there, now that the tension was becoming near unbearable. They left without so much as a parting glance or a word to the youth nor their commander. The silence that filled the tent was thick, dense and downright suffocating, but neither one was willing to be the first to break it. Finally, Deng Dang cracked under the pressure and caved in, though his voice barely carried any weight and thus made whatever he had to say nothing more than empty words. “Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Or I’m in, for that matter?”

“A lot,” Lü Meng answered promptly. Little by little, the tension was easing up but neither dropped their guard.

“Your mother will be enraged with us both, you know that, right?”

Again, not much good could be said for the troublesome youth, but he was at least quick to respond and never bothered to flatter him with words. “Very, very angry. She’ll probably have us black and blue when we come back.”

“She’ll have -you- black and blue. I’ll be dead! You’ll make poor Yenji an early widow and then she’ll beat you black and blue in my honor.” Deng Dang shook his head, the impulse to smack Lü Meng again strong but the impulse to laugh even stronger. He kept his gaze averted so that Lü Meng wouldn't get any ideas that he wasn't taking the matter seriously. Anyone else and the punishment might have been swift, even deadly, and he was certain that Lü Meng knew that and was taking advantage of it in some way. “Did you even think of your family when you committed to this? Have you considered how much this will affect them?”

Now Lü Meng rose his head to look at him straight on, and for a second he almost forgot the teenager was only fifteen years old as his stare pierced him. With it being just the two of them, there was no need to act meek, and it reflected in his voice. “Of course I did. I’m doing it for them.”

“For them?”

“I’m tired of being helpless! I don’t care if I’m too young, I want to help get them out of Fupo where they’ll be safe.”

Deng Dang considered the youth’s words and knew he was being sincere. Lü Meng, nor anyone in that family, weren't known for withholding their feelings or sugarcoating their words, though never did they come off as unfriendly or prickly. Just honest in regards to their feelings or opinions, whether the matter called for brutal honesty or not. So he knew that Lü Meng was being honest with him and that it didn't help Deng Dang in the least. “Alright, so you say, but how do you think you can accomplish that here?”

“By… killing barbarians.” There was a small inflection in his voice at the end as confusion struck him at the last minute, as though he were perplexed that there’d be any more to his scheme.

“So, you’re doing this to kill barbarians and not because of the reward that Lord Sun Ce offered?”

Neither answer was a good one. To admit that he wanted to kill the Shanyue indiscriminately would imply that he held bloodthirsty tendencies. However, to admit that he was in it for the reward would imply that he was greedy. Both were highly frowned upon and wouldn't fly well with his mother when he returned the youth home. Eventually, Lü Meng admitted, some hint of shame coating his words as he spoke. “I’d… use the money to buy Yenji’s dowries, so that you can finally take us out of Fupo, like you promised you would.”

It wasn't exactly what Deng Dang was expecting the teenager to say and he could not even bother to try and hide it. It was a rather taboo subject in and of itself within the family and to his officers as well, and for Lü Meng to bring it up so readily told Deng Dang just how much thought his future brother-in-law had given this matter. It brought Yenji so much shame that she couldn't afford the dowries but never had she asked or pleaded with another for help, even from her own kin. It’d be ‘beneath her’, she said, to expect others to give her assistance, and the lieutenant had tried to respect her decision, even when he wanted to bypass the matter entirely.

And now it seemed that Lü Meng had forced him to make a move, because he knew that the moment he confessed that, Deng Dang couldn't send him back, not without breaking Yenji’s heart.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Meng,” Deng Dang said with a sigh, the last of his defenses breached but the fight still raging on though apparently on its final stretch. He wanted to feel angry and yet the feeling didn't stick. He was angry, but Lü Meng was no longer the cause of it. “You’re too young to fight-”

“But sir-”

“Shut your mouth and let me finish before I pop you again. You’re fifteen years old and you've never carried anything heavier than a hoe. Our swords are a lot heavier than they look, and with armor on it’d be even heavier, with an even shorter range than what a hoe could give you.”

Again, Lü Meng tried to interrupt, but Deng Dang was a man of his word, cutting him off with an open-palmed slap to the back of his head before he could even get any further than a syllable. “What did I tell you, boy? Now, have you ever taken a life?”

Lü Meng was hesitant to answer, but not because of being ashamed to admit the truth. Deng Dang lowered his hands to his side to show that he wouldn't strike him for now, and only then did the teenager answer. “Once.”

Deng Dang was almost impressed, but it didn't last long. “Animals don’t count.”

“... then no, sir. If animals don’t count, then none.”

“And with having no experience with a sword or moving around in armor and no blood on your hands, you want me to allow you to enlist? What if you can’t handle it? What if you freeze up? What if you’re better off staying home? If you’re here, then who is at home, protecting your family?”

He did not mean to be so forward and he suspected he’d come off as cold and belittling, but he knew better. He couldn't let Lü Meng think, even for a second, that he could make such a decision on a whim and that there wouldn't be any consequences from his actions. He would be punished for stowing away on this operation, there was no question of that, but merely what his punishment should be. Then of course there was the matter of what -his- own punishment would be, for allowing one so young to accompany them on this operation. He’d already be receiving an earful from Lü Meng’s mother and that alone would have been enough, but he knew it wouldn't end there. If he were to show up to the Sun lord with a child among his ranks, he’d be the laughing stock of the entire operation and the ridicule that he’d receive, or what Lü Meng and his entire family would receive, could have been even worse than anything that dear Shilimai would throw at them. And then, there was the possibility that Lü Meng could very well die, and then how could he ever face his family again? How could Yenji ever forgive him if he allowed any harm to fall upon her brother? 

The easiest solution would be to send him home, and he knew he should have. But he knew he couldn't. Even before he confessed what he would use his reward money for, Deng Dang knew that nothing short of rendering him unconscious and strapping him onto a horse would send Lü Meng back to Fupo, and they didn't have the horses to spare as every single one was tied to a carriage. Even after he barraged him with what he thought was a dose of well-needed reality and after a few justly deserved swipes, he still stood there, feet planted firmly beneath him and the way he lowered his head did nothing to hide that determination he saw in his eyes and how it only seemed to grow in strength. Also, a part of him knew that the reward wasn't what called to Lü Meng, and it was knowing just how deep his near hatred of the Shanyue lied that made Deng Dang want to enlist him. Just like the rest of the new recruits that had joined at Fupo, Lü Meng’s reasons to dislike the Shanyue was personal and Deng Dang couldn't blame him, or any of them. There was no love for the Shanyue, as sad as it was to think that. Knowing what he knew, he couldn't send him home. Not now.

“Fa Shi! Yu Mao!” He waited until both men were back in his tent before addressing either them or Lü Meng, and when he did, he made sure any mirth or anything that could be construed as mirth was void from his voice. Nothing he was going to say should be taken lightly. “Yu Mao, take Lü Meng here and have him suit up. His size shouldn't be a problem. Lucky bastard hit his growth spurt early on. Just pray he doesn't hit another one along the way-”

The atmosphere changed dramatically and neither man could hold in their surprise. The first to speak was Yu Mao himself. “But he’s-”

“Shut up, I know. If he’s old enough to decide to join us, then he’s old enough to die with us.” Deng Dang did not mean to snap, nor did he mean to be so grim, but he simply had no control left. Thus far, Lü Meng hadn't said anything, but he counted on him being too overwhelmed to say anything yet, not so much that he had suddenly been blessed with common sense. “Issue him a spear. It’s the closest thing we have to a hoe and the range should do him some good. A sword’s standard, but too different and he’ll be too encumbered for it to be of any use to him.”

Yu Mao was still baffled by his orders, but his surprises didn't last long at all. Eventually, his face shifted from surprised to something akin to anger, before he bowed his head and fled the tent to retrieve the armor and spear for their newest recruit. Thinking little of it, Deng Dang turned to Fa Shi now. “He’ll be your soldier, Fa Shi. I want you to be strict, stricter on him than on the other recruits. Make him a sparring dummy, target, errand runner, whatever you need to make an example of. I want our men and him,” he said as he glared at the teenager, ready to pop him the moment he even tried to look smug, “That he would be taken any less serious or treated special among the ranks.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

Deng Dang had a feeling that he would come to regret his decision but that would be a problem he’d deal with later. For now, his priority was getting Lü Meng suited up and putting him to work. “Lü Meng, from here until the end of this operation, you’re a soldier, which means you’re expendable. At any time, we can be attacked. You will be in danger, just as much as any other soldier out there. The enemy will show you no mercy, nor will we. In fact, from here on out, you and I are no longer family. You’re my subordinate, and I am your superior officer. Do you understand?”

Lü Meng didn't understand, but he’d never admit to it. No, the way his eyes lit up and how he strained not to smile told Deng Dang that the teenager didn't understand, not truly. He thought he understood, but he didn't, and the lieutenant could only hope that there’d be life left in Lü Meng at the time he would come to understand exactly what he was getting himself into. “Yes, sir! I’ll give you my all.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t… ah, nevermind. Just go find Yu Mao and get suited up before I let my conscience get the better of me!” Deng Dang made a waving motion with his hand and hoped it’d distract the teenager from the slightest hint of a smile that crept onto his face, and thankfully, he was too excited and eager to notice it, as he bowed his head and all but fled from the tent. The moment he was gone, though, he spun to face Fa Shi and waved a finger at him, catching his smile and the starts of a chuckle and seeking to put an end to it immediately. “And you, that’ll be enough of that. I meant every word I said. I want you to be extremely hard on him.”

“Why? So that we can send him running back home?” Fa Shi was trying his best to stiffen his laughter, though the look in Deng Dang’s eyes did a great job in helping in the matter. There was so much remorse in those eyes that it’d be impossible to hold a smile or mirth of any kind, as merely looking at them sucked all of it out of him. Still, he held nothing against the lieutenant for that and cleared his throat, his tone very serious and his smile more polite than humored. “Don’t worry, sir. I’ll do my absolute best, short of terrorizing him. We may not want to scar him too bad, unless you want an angry Shilimai on our case when we return.”

Deng Dang scoffed. “When… you say that with such confidence. Very well, I’ll leave the matter in your hands. Use your discretion, just try not to look like you’re having too much fun with this?”

Fa Shi gave a bow of his head, his smile only deepening but at least it wasn't fueled by the glee he’d have with whipping the teenager into shape, or at least Deng Dang could hope. “I’ll do my best not to smile, then.”

“Good, now let’s get back to work. And pray that we’re not ambushed by barbarians or tigers… or his mother, ancestors help us if that happens tonight!”


	3. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a young Lü Meng recalls his first battle, and almost forgets to breathe...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

It was strange, to say the least, to have witnessed something from his childhood, though there seemed to be something incredibly off. Lü Meng had witnessed his fair share of unusual events, though most of them took place on a field of battle, not so much… here, in whatever realm this was. He had no other word for it at the moment and he hoped that the mystic would have been kind enough to enlighten him, but it seemed that he would have to find Zuo Ci first. When the world around them changed, Zuo Ci vanished with it. It took a considerable amount of effort for the Chief-Commander not to panic, but the thought of that being the point forced him to swallow whatever fears or apprehension he might have felt and endured, even when the world around him had changed. He recognized everything around him and he watched with a sense of curiosity and nostalgia. Of course he’d recognize this…

“This is my past.”

“Correct.” Zuo Ci’s voice wavered into existence, as did he himself, and Lü Meng blinked, swearing that he hadn't noticed the man sitting in front of him before until he addressed him. Now that he was there, Lü Meng was determined to keep him in his sights, ignoring the realm around them, knowing them not to be real and merely a smokescreen. “All that you see are merely flashbacks, stemmed from you and those that have affected your life.”

“Such as Deng Dang,” Lü Meng said, uttering the name of his brother-in-law for the first time in years and feeling some lingering shame start to swell within him. It had been a long, long time since he saw the man and he never fooled himself into thinking that he didn't put his brother-in-law through the ringer, but he had forgotten just how much the man did for him. He fought down the feeling and tried to focus on the mystic instead, all too aware of his existence now and his mission. “I don’t recall giving you permission to do this, though.”

“You did not, but I think it can be said that Guan Yu did not give you permission to occupy the Jing Province either.”

Lü Meng felt the sting of that one, and the worst part about it wasn't so much the truth behind that statement, but the delivery of that retaliation itself. It was spoken in a calm, but purposefully coy manner with neither a smile or a laugh to accompany it, as though it wasn't meant to be as potent of a verbal counter as it came out to be. The Chief-Commander wasn't fooled in the least, but he couldn't deny that was perhaps the best retort any man could have flung at him. So, he tried to be graceful in his defeat, though he made it clear that he wasn't ready to yield entirely from the matter. “Very well then, nicely put. Now that you are here, though, what exactly do you wish to accomplish by forcing me to relive my past? How will any of this convince me to not to move forward with our occupation?”

“You are not so much reliving the past, but witnessing it. The motions, the faces, whatever you may feel, they can be consuming, but you are here as a witness, as am I,” Zuo Ci said, taking the time to correct him on the matter and keeping his voice level. Never threatening, never intimidating, despite having invaded his memories or having dragged him into this realm. He was certain that in his own way, he felt he was helping Lü Meng in some manner, and perhaps he was. He never suspected that this mystic’s intentions were malicious against Wu, only hindering, but that didn't make him any less of a problem, did it? In Zuo Ci’s mind, he could very well be trying to help Lü Meng, whether the officer wanted his help or not, and that’s what made him all the more dangerous. To have the power and to take it upon himself to use it. “I told you before but it appears my initial entrance may have overwhelmed your senses. I wish to see the man you once were and how it has shaped the man sitting before me now, to see if I can convince you to pull out your forces.”

“I’d hate to waste your time, but nothing short of my death would stop me, and even then, I have left my plans with others who I know are capable of carrying on my work.” Lü Meng may have shaken his head, but not once did Zuo Ci slip from his gaze, now that he knew what he was capable of. 

“You are certainly stubborn, but at least I can see where it comes from... “ Zuo Ci’s eyes never wavered. Lü Meng was beginning to question if he needed to blink by now. There was no time to address the matter, though, as Zuo Ci simply blinked out of existence, leaving Lü Meng confused and forcing him to turn his head this way and that but to no avail. His voice, however, was still present and curled into his ear, not once giving away any humor he might have felt when the Chief-Commander twisted around to try to spot him, only to see that he wasn't there. Only Fa Shi, looming over him, yelling at him and only at him, even when there was a sea of soldiers around him, just as Deng Dang ordered him to. The shame he felt stir within him at the mere mention of Deng Dang’s name earlier had quickly soured and turned into resentment, though not all of it was directed at his brother-in-law…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This was his life now, Lü Meng reminded himself, rubbing the muscle and trying to relieve the tension in there before Fa Shi or anyone else could notice where he was and think he was trying to shirk his responsibilities. He wasn’t, not truly or at least not intentionally, he thought. They had been on the road for about a week now and the training that Fa Shi put him and the other recruits through was grueling, though not entirely unexpected. Lü Meng had known it’d be rough, even without Deng Dang’s warning, but he told himself that he was willing to go through with it and endure, all for the chance of fighting the Shanyue barbarians that had ravaged his village’s field and home and threatened his family. He had to endure, so that he could be rewarded and buy Yenji’s dowries, he told himself. He had to endure, so that he could bring his family fame and some fortune…

Assuming he even survived!

He knew that Fa Shi would uphold his promise to Deng Dang, but he never expected him to take it to the extremes as he did. Lü Meng wasn’t a fool. He knew that Fa Shi was getting some measure of enjoyment out of this ordeal, as it was only too visible to see on his face. The way his mustache curled and highlighted his smile was a dead giveaway that maybe Fa Shi was enjoying himself a little too much, but Lü Meng dared not complain. Not now, and heavens willing, not ever, or else Deng Dang would have sent him back to Fupo. And Lü Meng was determined not to return home until he had a few barbarian casualties to his name.

But the training was grueling, and the journey didn’t help in the least. Between the drills and the marching, there was little time to sleep and their meals were minimum, though there were few among the recruits from Fupo that voiced any complaints about it. A meal was a meal, something that they sometimes had to do without from time to time thanks to the Shanyue and the occasional bandit raid. There were certainly no complaints from Lü Meng, despite feeling the pangs of hunger all of the time. Some of the older recruits, those that knew him and remembered working alongside him on the fields, had initially tried to sneak him some extra rice but one verbal lashing from Fa Shi quickly put an end to that. But it didn’t bother the teenager. He ate his fill and carried on, acting like he wasn’t constantly hungry, like he wasn’t near exhaustion, acting as though he wasn’t sore and stiff from the harsh drills and constant motion. When there were others around, he was strong and unyielding, but alone…

Only then did he let his defenses drop and allow his discomfort to be released from its prison. Before now, he didn’t know much about anatomy and muscle, but he learned real quick on how to recognize when a muscle knotted and how to rub them out. He couldn’t get to the ones on his back, but those he’d have to just live with he told himself. Right now, his calves hurt more and were relatively easy to access and thus became the focus of his attack, all the while trying to stiffen the urge to cry out when the cramp became unbearable. He went at it viciously, all the while looking over his shoulder, keeping an eye and ear out for Yu Mao. 

He may not have had brains in his head, as he was constantly reminded by Fa Shi as of late, but Lü Meng knew some things, and he knew that look that Yu Mao gave him from time to time during training. He knew that look entirely too well and recognized it as nothing short of pure and utter disgust. The teen was no stranger to such looks, but it was strange to see that it came from a soldier, and not the usual nobleman that passed through Fupo. He wasn’t sure why Yu Mao wore that look around him or what he had done to earn such a look, but he never thought to ask. Not that were was ever any opportunity to ask thanks to Fa Shi, but he couldn’t ignore the feeling in his gut every time he felt Yu Mao’s eyes on him. He told himself that it was best not knowing; better to focus his attention on avoiding any contact with that officer altogether, less he do something stupid to justify that blatant disgust that man felt for him.

Finally, after much fuss, he managed to rub the knot in his calf completely and just in time, as Fa Shi’s shout rung throughout the camp, demanding the recruits and soldiers to get into inspection position. He threw on his boots and yanked down on his trousers at the knee, pretending not to notice how they failed to cover the leg entirely and exposing the skin between just below the knee and where his boots reached the midpoint of his shins. As feared, he had hit another growth spurt, but he was counting on Deng Dang and Fa Shi to be too busy to notice. Yu Mao might notice, but what could the man do? Punish him for growing up?

With any luck, no one would notice and there’d be something more demanding of their attention. With great effort, he forced himself to walk without limping and fell into line with the rest of his fellow recruits, blending in almost seamlessly as Deng Dang, Fa Shi and another officer, one of undoubtedly high rank, looked them over from the far end of the line. Lü Meng resisted the urge to crane his neck to get a good look at the high ranking officer, but he kept his gaze set forward, knowing that the moment his gaze strayed, Fa Shi, or worse, Yu Mao would come in for the kill. 

“We appreciate you making the effort to rush down here,” he heard the man say, as he and Deng Dang moved down the line, his voice was loud, filled to the brim with life, so much that Lü Meng swore it sounded ready to burst at the seams. It certainly made the impulse not to look towards him difficult, but he kept his form perfect as they got closer and closer. “And in record time, too!”

“My lord, your orders made it sound as though it was imperative to mobilize so quickly,” Deng Dang said, doing well in hiding whatever apprehension he may have felt, at least from where Lü Meng was stationed. He had said ‘lord’ and the only one that could even come close to fitting that position was Sun Ce himself! 

Closer and closer they came and the teenager fought the butterflies that churned deep in his gut, knowing that soon they’d be upon him. Unaware of his or any of his officer’s nervousness, however, the young lord Sun Ce took his time and let out a chuckle. “Eager to fight then? I don’t blame you. That’s quite a large group you have, too. Are they all from Runan?”

“Most of them, yes. They’re from the villages ravaged by bandits and the Shanyue, so they have a good reason to be here.”

“Good. Everyone deserves the chance to stand up for themselves! I like that kind of spirit.” And now, then and only then when he passed in front of him did Lü Meng see the young Sun lord, and fearing that it may be brief, he tried to absorb every feature before he slipped from sight. Everything about him screamed life, vitality, a courageous and untamed spirit that could barely be contained in the confines of muscle, skin and bones. Their eyes locked briefly, but even then, that powerful spirit threatened to overwhelm him, but Lü Meng remained firm and held strong, waiting for Sun Ce to pass by and finish the inspection. Waiting so that he could breathe again. Breathe. Breathe. “Breathe.”

Lü Meng didn't even realize that Sun Ce was talking to him until he let out his breath and sucked it back in. He felt his body go completely stiff and his senses returned to him in a rush. Sun Ce was standing in front of him and, to his surprises and horror, stopped right in front of him. Had he been brave, he would have turned his head slightly to the left to see Deng Dang’s horrified expression, and somewhere among the ranks, Yu Mao was sporting a wolf-like grin, but no, all he had to look at was Lord Sun Ce, and his smile and nod were, by far, the most comforting gesture he had ever received from anyone in his short life. “There you go!”

And just like that, Sun Ce stepped forward and moved on, passing by without another word to him, though Lü Meng was certain his spiritual residue remained and he was breathing it in right now. It was scentless, but present, and potent as well, even as Deng Dang caught his gaze. His commanding officer said nothing, but his crooked smile was a welcome reprise from the disapproval he was expecting. And then, he too disappeared from his sight, following after Sun Ce further down the line, sparing Lü Meng and the rest of the nervous recruits for a moment.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Did you know then that you would serve Sun Ce?”

“You mean, did I feel that moment of destiny?” Lü Meng considered Zuo Ci’s question, distracting him from the realm around him for the moment. They were not missing much; from there, they were assigned their duties and Lü Meng was given the task of guarding the supply line. Despite his talk and cold treatment, Deng Dang was favoring him after all, he thought, and only now did he think it was so foolish of him to think so. “At that moment, no. I was just nervous. Stupidly nervous. Someone of great importance walked by me and I simply locked up. I don’t think I can claim that the hands of fate had anything to do with that.”

He wished he could have said yes. He wanted to, but somehow, he knew better. Though he snuck aboard a carriage and secretly accompanied Deng Dang in the past, he never thought himself to be a good liar. Bluffer, probably, but those were entirely different things from straight up lying. If he lied, then Zuo Ci would know. He could dig deep into his mind and pluck out the memories- it was a horrifying thought, Lü Meng had to admit, but he worked hard to keep his wits about him. Perhaps Zuo Ci wanted him to lie? Perhaps this was part of the test?

The problem was, Lü Meng wasn't certain if this was a test where the best income would lie in passing or failing.

“But you wanted to serve him, or perhaps not him, but a greater cause.” Zuo Ci pointed out, fading into view for only a moment before being whisked away, a horse shaking its mane and letting out a nervous whicker chasing away the image of the mystic and luring Lü Meng’s mind away once more. “I could see it in your eyes then, even if you yourself couldn't understand the desire that was taking form within you.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The horses were nervous, but with good reason. The sounds of battle hit the air just before the sun had breached the horizon. The pounding drums, the clash of metal, screams of anger, shouts from officers, generals, the terrified shrieks of horses and pained cries of men wounded would have woken the heaviest sleeper from their slumber, but Lü Meng was certain that no one was really sleeping in the first place. There couldn't be rest now. From the moment the order was given to march, there could be no rest for the new recruits. Those ordered to stay behind and guard the supply chain initially felt that they had lucked out, but hearing the fight escalate throughout the night had done a great job trying to unnerve them. Lü Meng wasn't too proud to admit that he was nervous, but he was too proud to allow the thought of abandoning his post to get in his mind.

‘I made this decision,’ he told himself, gripping his spear with white knuckles and forcing himself to remain perfectly still so that no one could suspect, even for a second, just how scared he was. It wasn't just Yu Mao he hid from, but everyone! Lord Sun Ce, Deng Dang, Fa Shi, and any officer in between. No one could see his fear, or else he’d fail, and if he failed, he’d had let down his entire family.

He tried not to think of them, not wanting to add homesickness on top of his fear. ‘Don’t think of mom. Don’t think of Yenji, or Chin...’

Perhaps he simply should not have thought at all? He took Sun Ce’s advise and focused on breathing, and little by little, his vision became clearer, the world suddenly less terrifying and the tightening in his chest began to ease up. Not entirely, of course, as it remained uncoiled on the side, merely biding its time and waiting for the next opportunity to constrict him again. ‘Shut off your mind, and just breathe.’

It didn't change his situation but it made his life a little easier. It was short-lived as one of the horses let out a shrill cry and triggered a chain reaction to the rest. Those near the carriages immediately jumped to attention and Fa Shi’s shout sent Lü Meng and others scrambling to the bound horses. “Calm those horses before they give away our position!”

Lü Meng couldn't blame the horses as even he could tell that the fight was getting closer. It was easy to hide whatever turmoil he felt when it came to comforting another. Gripping the bridle of the nearest horse, he pitched his voice low, trying to maneuver his spear within his hand to pat the horse’s thick, muscular neck. “Shh, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

The horse’s response was immediately and her panicked whines settled into nervous grunts, breathing heavily against Lü Meng’s hand and digging her hoof into the ground. Others were slow to respond to their handlers, but Lü Meng thought little of it. All he thought about was keeping the horse calm and quiet, whispering sweet nothings into the mare’s ears and keeping a firm hand on the bridle, despite how she yanked and pulled to look away. It was her insistence that probably saved his life. He tried to pull her gaze back to him and only then did he he spot the gleam of the sun’s first light flash against metal in the nearby woods, and he shouted on instinct, never once thinking or looking closer before he yelled. “Shanyue!”

Would his warning be enough? Was his warning even necessary? He didn't consider the possibility of it being a false alarm or even perhaps their own officers returning. He simply reacted, and so did the others. He managed to get a grip on his spear when the enemy began to flood from the woods, and bucking mare saved Lü Meng’s life from the barbarian that went straight for him, blocking his charge with her upright, bulky form. This gave Lü Meng the chance he needed to defend himself. He thrust his spear forward without really looking, hoping he hit the barbarian coming for him and not the horse and managing to hit neither. By this time, soldiers had rushed to meet the barbarians that came out of the woods and the clash of metal that taunted them from afar was suddenly upon them. Screams of anger, pain, terrified shrieking from the bound horses threatened to consume him, but Lü Meng kept his gaze firmly on the man that came for him. He bore no true distinguishing features, not that Lü Meng could tell. The murderous glint in his eyes told him all he needed to know as to who this man was. He would either be his first kill, or his own killer. Fa Shi’s voice rang in his head and threatened to drown out the world around him but never did it distract him from his opponent, who gave a blood curling scream in hopes of unnerving the young soldier in front of him. 

Had Fa Shi not borderline harassed him for the weeks they traveled, maybe the Shanyue’s scream might have caused Lü Meng to panic and drop his spear. Had Lü Meng not heard the battle cry mere moments before the bandits rushed out and ravaged their fields and homes in the dead of night, maybe Lü Meng might have fallen onto his back and rose his hands to defend himself from the enemy’s death blow. Had he not fought with one before and was thrown to the side while they closed in on Chinmai, he would have found himself begging for mercy by now. Instead, years spent fearing them, other bandits, helping his fellow villagers recover and heal after their raids, had accumulated into nothing short of hatred and he was certain that his deep green eyes had reflected the same emotion that the Shanyue had projected onto others. He countered the Shanyue with a scream of his own and sought to strike first, throwing himself forward and almost ignoring the bucking horse that was trapped between them and seeking to drive his spear through the enemy as the man brought his own weapon down. The horse that Lü Meng had helped calm down was beyond her breaking point and lashed out, slamming her hooves down and jerking her body in a frantic attempt to break away from the carriage but to no avail. As the two officers met, she ran forward, taking the carriage with her and threatening to crush them both. Had someone not grabbed Lü Meng by the back of his shirt, he would have fallen over and been crushed by the rotating wheels of the carriage. He watched in surprised as the man he was hoping to kill fell forward, his battle cry cut short by a crushing wheel and a loud SNAP at least offered him a quick demise, and just like that, the blood lust that had tried to consume Lü Meng was gone.

Deng Dang had asked him if he ever took a life and he did, but it wasn't a human life. No, ending the life of a chicken so that his family could eat hardly compared to that of a human life. Lü Meng wanted to think that killing the Shanyue would have felt the same. He really wanted it to, because he held nothing but hatred and contempt in his heart for them. Their plundering, their mindless slaughter, their disregard for human lives deserved no pity, no sympathy, and that, as well as the reward, were what pushed Lü Meng into sneaking in here with Deng Dang and his men. And yet, to see a life, a human life, end right in front of him… 

“Lü Meng, clear your head or lose it!” His savior, Yu Mao, snapped at him, before releasing him. The teenager looked towards him, as though looking at the man would suddenly make him saving his life seem more believable, but it did nothing for him. Even when he pulled him to safety, there was nothing but contempt in Yu Mao’s dark gaze and he pointed to the fleeing horse before pushing the teenager forward. “Stop that horse before it gets too far! We need those supplies!”

“But, the Shan-”

“Leave the fighting to the ones who can handle it! Go or else you’ll never catch up with it!”

And if his harsh words weren't enough to get him moving and the insult laced with it, the gripping of his shoulder and the forceful shove did the trick. Lü Meng wasn't sure what he was feeling right now- he wanted to be angry at Yu Mao’s words and his rough treatment of him, but the battle that escalated around them chased away those ill-feelings within him and forced him to run after the horse as he was told. ‘Don’t think,’ Lü Meng told himself, running as fast as his feet could take him and thankful that the mare carried such a heavy burden behind her as it made catching up with her easier than it should have been. ‘Don’t think, just react. Fight. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.’

He clung to Sun Ce's words, simple advice but effective. Somehow, though, it didn't hold the same effect when he wasn't here to remind him to breathe.


	4. To Catch a Tiger's Cub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng returns home to face his family...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

The trek home felt considerably shorter than the trek there, but Lü Meng accounted that to the fact that there were no drills and no battle preparations, and absolutely no rush to get to their destination as it was before. It was strange. It felt as though it should have taken even longer to get back to Fupo considering their lax journey, but his concept of time had simply been horribly skewed. He barely remembered the last stretch of the fight, much less any of the other battles that took place during their campaign against the Shanyue. After the failed ambush on the supply line, everything seemed to become a blur and all that he knew was that they had succeeded in repelling the Shanyue and were victorious. That’s all that should have mattered was that they were victorious and with any luck, the Shanyue would never pose a problem, either to the territories that Yuan Shu and Sun Ce held, or to Runan and Fupo ever again.

He had hoped to make the journey back home to Fupo in solitude, barring the company of the mare he had calmed that fateful morning, but it seemed it wasn't meant to be. Deng Dang would eventually find him and assault him with either a verbal lashing, to warm him up for what was waiting for him when he got home, and sure enough, the lieutenant caught up with him so quickly after he thought of him that he swore he summoned him here by sheer force of will.

Lü Meng braced himself for either a stern insult or a strike, but neither were forthcoming. They both said nothing for awhile, which only drove the stake of apprehension deeper and the first to finally break that silence was Deng Dang, his tone softer than it had been since the start of their operation. “Meng, talk to me.”

He sounded so informal that it took the teenager completely off guard. It wasn't an order, but something of a mixture of a request and a demand. Maybe even a plea. Lü Meng answered in earnest. “I’m not sure what to talk about?”

“You just had your first battle, so there’s plenty to talk about. Talk to me, Meng. How do you feel?”

Lü Meng wasn't sure where this came from or where it was going and he made no hesitation to show this as he asked, “But aren't you worried about upholding your promise to treat me no different from the rest? Aren't you worried they’ll think you’re favoring me?”

“They’re dealing with their own problems right now and the immediate danger is over, heavens willing. For now, I’m Dang, your future brother-in-law, your family, so please talk to me.”

There was a hint of aggravation, no, desperation, in his voice, and finally Lü Meng gathered his thoughts into words without sounding like a bumbling idiot or a coward. “I’m not sure what I can say or how I feel. I’m happy we won, I guess.”

“With Lord Sun Ce at our lead, we could only have succeeded.” Deng Dang sounded confident and with good reason. Even the ambush on the supply chain had been thwarted fairly quickly, though Lü Meng could take no credit for that. No, all he did was calm down a horse and then hid in the carriage until the victory drums sounded from their end. It was all Sun Ce’s army and Deng Dang’s men, he told himself. “You don’t seem happy. What was your part of the fight? I was told the supply chain was attacked.”

Lü Meng didn't want to talk about it, but he knew he’d be given no choice in the matter. Better he know from him, than to ask around and hear it from someone else. “It was, but we held out. I just kept this horse calm and chased after her when she tried to run away.”

“That’s good. Heavens know we needed those supplies there. You did a good job, Meng.”

“But I didn't do anything… you know, noteworthy.” Lü Meng was quick to argue, struggling to keep his voice low so that only Deng Dang could hear his frustration. He wanted to simply take whatever praise came his way, but it felt wrong. “I shouted when I saw them coming and the only one I engaged wasn't even killed by my own blade.” Deng Dang flashed him an inquisitive look and the teenager explained, bitterness dripping from his lips as he confessed. “He was crushed beneath the carriage. I would have been too if it wasn't for Yu Mao.”

Now Deng Dang’s expression softened and his smile might not have compared to Sun Ce’s, but it was still nice and comforting to see. “A casualty, especially that of your enemy, is still a casualty. Just because he was killed by a runaway carriage doesn't make it any less helpful to the our cause. Are you upset that you weren't the one that killed him?”

Lü Meng felt that it was a loaded question like before, but he did what he always did. He answered with the truth and hoped that Deng Dang wouldn't think any less of him, if that was even possible at this point. “Yes. How could I prove my worth as a soldier if I didn't even get the final blow on my enemy?”

If anything, Deng Dang’s smile grew deeper, deeper than it ever had been when in his presence. It wasn't as vibrant as Sun Ce’s, nor was it as passionate as the smiles that Lü Meng caught Deng Dang wearing when around or thinking about his older sister, but he had seldom seen such an expression on the man’s face that it might as well been on par with them. Now, why he was smiling in lieu of his brother-in-law’s distress was a mystery to Lü Meng, but he held his tongue and hoped that Deng Dang would explain himself, and that if he did, that he himself would understand. “There’s more to being a soldier than mindless slaughter, Meng. That’s what makes us different from the barbarians we just fought. Makes us better. We don’t fight because we want to inflict pain or spill blood, but because we need to, to stop those that do. If anything, you should be grateful to be returning home without blood on your hands. Not many soldiers have the good fortune to come back with a clean conscience, much less their own lives.”

Just as Lü Meng feared, he didn't quite understand him, but he knew better than to question Deng Dang’s wisdom. Yes, he was grateful to come out of the fight alive, even if he felt as if he hadn't fulfilled anything grander than securing supplies, and he did understand some bit about coming out of a fight unscathed, though he wasn't quite sure about that himself. He may not have driven his spear into a man that day, but the sounds he heard going on around him, memories of the constant raids that occurred in the dead of night. Those still clung to him, but after such a defeat, perhaps they wouldn't be a problem anymore. Eventually, they’d fade away with time, or would, had Lü Meng ever held any hope that the peace would last forever, but the teenager suspected that there’d be another fight later down the road. And apparently, so did Deng Dang, as he carried on, offering Lü Meng a comforting pat on the shoulder when he suspected his words flew over the youth’s head. “It’s something you’ll come to understand as you get older, Meng, so don’t hurt yourself rushing to try and understand it now. Besides, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of chances to bloody your hands for the next time Lord Sun Ce calls on us.”

Initially, Lü Meng didn't get his meaning, but when it did, Deng Dang’s smile had deepened and turned downright smug. The teenager didn't care, though. As far as he was concerned, he had every reason to be smug and Lü Meng could barely contain himself, almost spreading it to the mare he guided and receiving a retaliatory grunt to warn him to ease up on her bridle. He did and gave her a comforting pat, but that was his only form of apology before turning his attention to Deng Dang entirely. “Deng Dang, s-sir, you’re going to let me accompany you in your unit again?”

“Keep your head, Meng- there’s no need to announce it to the whole army, but I guess I can’t blame you for being excited,” Deng Dang said, motioning for Lü Meng to calm down and thankfully few seemed interested enough to look towards them. He tried to act tough and stern, but his smile made it hard for it to stick and even he knew it. “You've done well enough as it is and didn't once complain during Fa Shi’s drills, and with any luck, you’ll be much older by the time the next summons rolls around, so I figured you can remain under my unit and work your way up from there. No sense in depriving my unit of willing soldiers. However, before you run off thinking you’re going to be some hero, know this. Your lifespan’s just become considerably shorter, assuming you survive the beating your mother is going to give you when we return to Fupo, and all of this lies on her shoulders. I am willing to take you in as a soldier and I’ll make sure you work just as hard, if not harder, than anyone else in my unit, but it’ll ultimately be her decision. Do you understand, boy?”

And just like that, the opportunity to become a soldier and earn his living might as well have been shot down. All of that excitement drained from his body and threatened to pool at his feet in a physical form, but he tried so very hard to prevent that. He clung to the smallest of hopes before it could slip away, though, as he found himself looking to Deng Dang for advice. “I do, but… you know she won’t let me go. I could be well into my fifties and she wouldn't let me go. What should I do?”

“Besides defy her, which you seem to be well-versed at? Talk to her, convince her to let you join, just like you convinced me. Granted, I’m a pushover compared to her, and it’s not going to be easy, but that’s all up to you. You have to be the one to convince her, not me, so I’m going to recommend spending the rest of this journey thinking long and hard about what you’re going to say, Meng.” To anyone else listening, Deng Dang’s words may have came out harsh, but for Lü Meng, it was the best thing that his future brother-in-law could offer. He knew it’d lie on his shoulders and held nothing but respect to his elder, but he knew that he couldn't do this for him. He had to do this for himself, as terrifying as that prospect was. He already stared down a Shanyue and watched his life pass before his eyes, so surely confronting his mother couldn't have been any worse.

“I’ll do my best. I don’t know what I’ll tell her, but I’ll think of something.”

“I’m sure you will, just give it some thought. Oh, which… while I’m here.” Deng Dang looked over his shoulders, his eyes searching for a familiar face among the caravan and appearing pleased when he couldn't spot him. His rare smile faded into a more sullen expression and it was hard not to feel a tinge of apprehension claw at him from within to see such a visible change in the man in such a short time frame. “It would be wise of you to avoid Yu Mao for awhile.”

This shouldn't have surprised Lü Meng, but his nerves were already raw and exposed, so he found it hard for him to cope with this advice. He always tried to avoid Yu Mao, but to be told to do so by Deng Dang now worried him. He couldn't ignore his own curiosity, as he found himself looking around for the man, just in case Deng Dang had overlooked him perhaps. “Why? I know he doesn't like me for whatever reason, but he saved my life.”

“He did, but still, I wouldn't put too much thought into that. He likely did it out of impulse or perhaps to get on my good side, not exactly an indication that he’s come to accept you as a full fledged soldier.” Deng Dang shook his head, giving Lü Meng’s shoulder a firm, but comforting squeeze before releasing it. It was meant to instill some shred of confidence in him and ease that apprehension he saw forming in the teenager’s eyes, though he wasn't sure if it’d have the desired effect that he wanted it to. Perhaps he should have said nothing at all, but still, he felt the need to address the matter, just in case. The growing pit in his stomach, and Fa Shi’s warning, wouldn't allow him to do otherwise. “Nevertheless, I’d like for you to try and avoid him, at least until I've spoken to him myself. He’s never been keen on me allowing you into my unit and has made a point to stress this periodically. He lacks a certain… subtlety.”

Now that hardly surprised Lü Meng at all. Somehow, it felt better knowing that his unease around the officer was warranted, but still, to have his ire at all…

“Ah, I shouldn't have said anything. You have enough on your mind and better to focus on one enemy first instead of fighting two enemies at once. Worry about your mother first- if you fail to convince her to let me take you, then whatever quarrel you’ll have with Yu Mao would be moot anyways. I’ll talk with Yu Mao in the meantime and see if I can get to the bottom of whatever’s plaguing him.”

What else could Lü Meng do but nod his head? He held no anger against him. If anything, he was thankful that he had given him so much to work with thus far, and he wished he could have found the words to express his gratitude, but he had a feeling that there may have simply been no words. At least, none of which could come from him. If he was going to use words to appease anyone, it would have to be spent on his mother, and the thought of returning home and knowing she’d be waiting for him was almost as terrifying, perhaps even more so, than facing down that Shanyue barbarian. And this time, there wouldn't be a carriage, or Yu Mao, that would save his neck.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The laughter that came out of Zuo Ci’s mouth startled him, but in a good way. Thus far, the mystic had reflected very little emotions, so much that Lü Meng couldn't help but find himself envious. What had suddenly caused the man to laugh, he wondered, but not for too long. “What’s so funny?”

“I mean no disrespect,” Zuo Ci said, his laughter subsided slowly and gently, a trickle of it remaining in his voice as he explained himself. “I simply find it humorous that you feel more apprehension in facing your own mother than a man that tried to kill you.”

“Then you’ve never met my mother, or any woman of the Sun family. If you did, you’d know why my fears were legit…” He considered this, before correcting himself. “Are legit. One of them still has the occasional bout of ‘terrorize others’, but thankfully she’s several districts away.”

He hoped, anyway. He tried not to think too much about Lady Shangxiang and the obstacle she’d present in the near future and the mystic in front of him made it easy for him. “You were naught but a child then, though like so many lured into conflict and forced to face your fears early on. You didn’t necessarily fear her or what she might do to you, but you feared disappointing her. You feared hurting her, and your family, did you not?”

“Plotting with Chin and running away to join Deng Dang’s unit was easy. Coming back and facing her well-deserved wrath was… much harder than I ever thought it could be.” Years ago, when he was nothing more than a stupid, fifteen year old boy playing hero, he thought facing his mother would have been the greatest challenge of his life. Now it was his turn to laugh, but there was no humor or mirth. Only bitter resentment at how incredibly stupid he was.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Deng Dang was a man of his word, though far kinder than he really needed to be. While Lü Meng had made the trek to his home on his own, he soon discovered that Deng Dang had sent a messenger to alert the Lü family to inform them of their arrival, so at least he wouldn't give them all a panic attack when he suddenly showed up at their door once more. By the time they made it to Fupo, there was already a crowd to welcome them back despite the low light and the onset of night. Lamps were lit and though exhausted from a good day’s work, the villagers welcomed back their fellow man with open arms, celebrating that they returned alive and that their families could be complete once more. Neither Shilimai nor Chinmai were among those in the streets, but Lü Yenji was there, tears streaming down her face as she rushed towards her brother, wailing and making a scene like she had a want to do. And for once, Lü Meng didn't mind. He braced himself for his sister’s embrace, grateful that Deng Dang had convinced him to remove his armor before they reached the village as though to prepare him for Yenji’s ferocious onslaught of hugs and kisses. 

“Meng, Meng, you stupid boy!” Yenji cried, threatening to crush him in a bear hug but not once did the teenager gasp or try to wriggle himself free. It wasn't like Yenji to cry so openly in front of others and he knew that he had put her and his family through so much already with his actions, so he accepted this as his punishment. To be smothered against his sister’s bosom as she continued to shower him with both insults and praise. “You’re very brave, but you’re really, really stupid too! Oh what in the heavens’ name were you thinking? You could have been killed and then where would we be? Have you any thought or concern for your dear mother and sisters?”

What Lü Meng wanted to do was pry himself away and explain his reasoning. Perhaps telling Yenji that he had enough money to procure the dowries that she needed would have sucked the venom out of her words, but Yenji spared him no quarter. The one that spared him was Deng Dang, and though Lü Meng tried to pry his head away so that he could see the man’s rare smile, Yenji simply refused to let go, as if fearing that releasing her brother would make him disappear again. “You already know he did all of this for you and the rest of the family, unless you didn't read my letter, Yenji. Take it easy on the boy, or in the very least, leave something for your mother to discipline.”

He couldn't see Yenji’s face from this angle, but Deng Dang’s plot worked like a charm. The vice grip that his sister had on him disappeared and she rushed over to the lieutenant, assaulting him now with tearful wails, insults, and praise mixed in. Lü Meng took this moment to flee towards his home, determined not to let Deng Dang’s sacrifice be in vain. Also, something about eavesdropping on them during the love fest that was to come simply didn't settle right with him. He never had anything against their budding relationship, but it was something that he felt should have been private and personal to them and he would not be one to impose upon it. So, he took his leave and went straight to his home, right into the belly of the beast.

He knew better than to delay this and in truth he wasn't sure if he could handle being away from home another moment more. What had started off as a small pang had festered into a gut-wrenching homesickness and Yenji’s display had almost unleashed the floodgates within himself. Now more than ever he was grateful for Deng Dang stepping in to handle Yenji; he wasn't sure he could handle both her dramatics and his mother’s justified anger at once. His solaces were few: seeing and knowing they were safe thanks to the efforts of Sun Ce’s army and all those who enlisted, the possibility that he could continue as a soldier and pull his family out of the hole they were in, and, of course, seeing Chin, who had helped him so much. He took comfort in knowing that he wouldn't have to explain himself to her. She knew his reasoning, more than anyone else could and when others tried to smother the passion to act, she kindled it until it was a roaring flame. Chinmai was the best and the worst influence for him and the more he thought of seeing her again almost made him break out into a full blown run. He forced himself to stay at a steady pace, if only to give himself a little more time to rehearse his speech. What little of it he could scrounge up, anyways. He had a feeling that it’d all go out of the window the moment he set eyes on her, but at least he could resort to begging for forgiveness, he told himself. It would not have been his most flattering display, but it seemed like a decent enough plan to fall back on.

His heart threatened to abandon him when he reached his home, but he braved the journey forward, not stopping until he had let himself in. He barely had time to remove his boots before his mother’s silhouette loomed over him. The teenager managed a tight bow to hide his terror, though he was certain it’d be to no avail. “I’m home, mother.”

He only caught a glimpse of Shilimai but it was enough to tell him how much his decision affected her. In his short absence, he could now count every new strand of white hair that salted her thick black locks and the light that cascaded over her face highlighted each wrinkle that deepened, her scowl not all all helping in the least. Her dark eyes were wide at first but settled into a squint when she recognized him and he had looked away before he could read any emotions besides livid anger in them. It was only a glimpse, but it was enough to make him quiver. Her approach was slow, methodical, almost predatory like a cat stalking a mouse that pretended to play dead. Any moment and she’d close those sharp claws around him and squeeze the life out of him, but he kept still, for he knew there’d be no escape. 

At last she came to stand before him and was merely at arm’s length now, but there came no touch, either harmful or loving. The wait was killing him and he found himself stammering his words, his courage threatening to abandon him, when he undoubtedly needed it the most! “Mother… I… uh…”

“Meng, you put us through much, and you can’t even speak for yourself?” Her words were cold, but her voice betrayed everything. Her fear, her relief, the joy she felt to know that her only son had returned alive. It was all of that which comforted Lü Meng and gave him strength, as she carried on. “Before I punish you, I want to know why you did this. What ever could possess you to run out and put yourself in danger like that?”

Lü Meng took in a deep breath, never more grateful for Lord Sun Ce’s advice than now. He knew now was his time to act. Deng Dang had warned him that his chance to prove himself to his mother and Lü Meng knew for certain that he would only get one chance. He spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking about what he would say, what he could possibly to convince Shilimai that his reasons were justified and why she should allow him to fight again. He had one chance to free his family from this hell, give his mother the peace of mind she deserved, for Yenji to live with the man she loved, for Chin to get the medical care she so desperately needed so that she could grow up with her brother as she always dreamed to. For better or for worse, he had to take that chance.

“Because we’re poor, mother, and we can’t stay poor forever,” he started, being blunt and earnest. The respect that he had for his mother would not allow him to approach the manner in any other way. He wanted to keep his head down, but he knew it would do him no good, so he stood at his fullest now, looking down at his mother but still feeling so incredibly small in the wake of her shadow. He faced down a Shanyue barbarian that was out for his blood, so he should have been able to face his mother. “It was dangerous, but I had to do something. I took a chance, and if I succeeded at something, then surely fortune would come. With the money, I can give it to Yenji for her dowries and then Deng Dang can take us in. You’ll all have a chance to live comfortably, as you deserve.”

He wasn't sure where the words came from. It sounded stronger in his head, more powerful, but it simply lacked… something. He wasn't sure what, but he did it with earnest, and that’s all he could do. His mother continued to look at him, her expression unreadable, trained perfectly in the art of masking her true emotions and letting nothing bubble to the surface for others to see. He often tried to imitate her but she was a master of the art. And yet again, her voice betrayed her turmoil, as she said softly to him, “And at what cost? Why should it be on your shoulders? What if… you don’t come back the next time? What if I lose my son?”

The slight tremble of her voice almost zapped him of his strength, but she left him an opening and he took it, with little thought or hesitation. Couldn't think right now. Only act. Breathe, and speak! “If it were to help my family get to a better place, then it’d be worth it. Isn't there a saying, ‘if you don’t go deep into the tiger’s den, how can you hope to catch a tiger cub?’”

Part of him feared he butchered the phrase, as he only heard it once in passing, but he showed no such fears to his mother. Shilimai continued to stare at him in silence, but at last, she broke and her mask crumbled to pieces when she broke into a smile. Moments later, she made her attack, but it only came in the form of a hug and she threatened to steal that breath of his with just how tight her hold on him was. Not that he’d dare complain! She had many, many hugs to make up for thanks to him, after all. “I don’t know who coached you, but… alright. Fine, you may go and train with Deng Dang… it wasn't as if you weren't going to go do that anyways, I was simply hoping you’d wait a few more years, that’s all.”

Lü Meng knew it took much for his mother to say that, but he had a feeling that, despite his best efforts, she may have already decided his fate before he even returned. He knew that Chin would eventually have to tell her where he was and while she and Yenji worked hard in the fields, she’d have plenty of time to muse his actions and her response for if he returned, perhaps telling herself that she’d give him a such a beating to distract herself from the possibility that her son may not have returned at all. Or perhaps he was discrediting himself and he had truly won her over? He tried not to think about it. Only to respond, as it had been working great for him thus far. He returned the hug now and manage to ease himself into a more comfortable embrace, allowing him the chance to breathe so that he could properly address her. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I won’t let you or my sisters down. I’ll do my best to provide for you, no matter the cost.”

Now that she was in his arms, he could feel how much she trembled, but before he could fear that he had went too far in worrying her, she was quick to explain herself, as well as the man that emerged from the back bedroom that suddenly caught the teenager’s age. “I know you will, Meng. I know.”

“Mother, there’s a Taoist priest here…?” Lü Meng took one look at the man before he retreated back into the room, the look of surprise and shame sticking out even in the dim candlelight of the room. He only caught a glimpse, but he’d recognize those robes from anywhere. For a moment, his thoughts escaped him and a pit suddenly formed in his stomach, as though all of his anxieties that he gathered up in preparation for confronting his mother had suddenly imploded and laid waste to his insides. Then, it occurred to him and he was surprised he could even talk. “Chin? Where’s-”

It was a stupid question to ask and his own brain shut down in retaliation to just how incredibly stupid of a question that was. And his mother, his brave, strong mother… how could she not want to strike him and berate her son for asking such a stupid question when the answer was so obvious and staring at him in the face? It was a testament to her strength and love for him, he would tell himself later, but now, he simply had no other thoughts in his head, except that he knew exactly where Chin was, and why there was a priest in their home.

They were praying for her soul...


	5. Nestling's Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yu Mao simply goes to far and Lü Meng seeks to put an end to his insults...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

Something wet ran down his cheek and Lü Meng beyond hoped it was rain that had broken through into the realm that he and the mystic shared. He wasn't sure if any of the outside world could reach them in this realm or if he was even visible in the real world. For all he knew, he could have disappeared from sight entirely, right before Zhu Ran’s very eyes and caused widespread panic among his troops. He knew nothing of magic and would have preferred to wrap his head around that than to relive what he was feeling right now. Anything, short of death, would have been a relief compared to remembering his dear sister.

Lü Meng was torn between begging, or demanding, Zuo Ci to move on, or simply enduring the pain that was to come. He had no means of making such demands from the mystic and knew all too well that he was his prisoner in this realm, so it would likely resort to begging, something Lü Meng wasn't too familiar with. But he knew how to do it if it came down to it. It was a disgusting feeling and he suspected he would be horrible at it as the times he remembered resorting to the act never panned out well for him. Would begging do him any good? Would Zuo Ci show mercy? He wouldn't hold it against him if he didn't. He seldom showed mercy in his younger years, so in truth, Lü Meng wasn't expecting any now.

So, he chose not to beg. If Zuo Ci felt this was necessary to understanding him for his mission, then he would simply have to endure, as he always did, as he always will. Endure, and hope it wouldn't be the blow to cripple or kill him.

“Your sister was very dear to you, was she not?”

Lü Meng could not stop himself from scowling and he managed to reign most of it in. Years on the battlefield and putting up with Gan Ning had helped him with that sometimes. While there still may have been some residual anger in his deep green eyes, he managed to force a more neutral expression on his face as he gave his answer. “Indeed. For my entire childhood, she was my companion, sometimes my better half. She was very, very dear to me.”

It was something he could not deny, nor would he. He wasn't sure how much or how deep this mystic planned on prying into the matter, so he figured it would be wise to enlighten him before he attempted to dig any deeper and strike nerves that he spent decades reinforcing. “She was never a healthy girl, though. I was the stronger of the two.” And somehow, he found himself smiling as he remembered something. “She’d joke that I took all of the strength and health, while she had all the brains and good looks. Heh… seems she wasn't wrong.”

Chin often made that joke, but Lü Meng could only a weak smile in response. The guilt and the memory of her spending most of her days imprisoned in a bad killed any humor she tried to instill in him. Even now, decades since he last held her hand and felt her life, as fragile as those dainty little fingers had been, slipped through his own, he couldn't do more than offer a sardonic smile, feeling nothing short of pure sorrow linger at even that. He looked at Zuo Ci, hoping that giving himself something to focus on would help combat the reawakened sorrow within him and offer him the strength he knew he had.

“Looking back at it now, do you feel it was worth the cost? Was losing your sister, you’re self proclaimed better half, worth it?”

Maybe he was being merciful and chose not to push further into the memory, or perhaps he was merely biding his time and waiting for the second that Lü Meng to drop his guard. At the moment, the Chief-Commander was still reeling to be able to judge which one it was, but he remained alert nevertheless. “Yes, because I know it was what she’d want. She knew she wouldn't live long, even if we lucked out and I found fortune earlier, but… I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to have hope… but…”

“If it were to soothe you, it is not your fault. Had you returned early or never left at all, death would have still came for her at the time it did.”

Somehow, it did soothe him, but he also had decades to cope with this truth. Perhaps fifteen year old Lü Meng didn't understand this, nor would he truly until a ridiculous amount of time later, but the seasoned Chief-Commander did. “It took me a good while to come to terms with it, but there were moments where I didn't understand and I lashed out.”

And then, he felt his heart sink, as he looked to the mystic that began to fade away from view. “And let me guess, you’re more than happy to remind me of such moments?”

“I must, if I am to know who you truly are.” Zuo Ci’s tone was almost apologetic, even as he disappeared into the shadows of the dimly lit hut that a young Lü Meng once called home, many, many decades ago. “You may have changed, Lü Meng, but the past shapes everyone and deserves.” 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

But Lü Meng didn't want to give it any attention! He didn't want to move or acknowledge anything. He didn't want to accept that outside those walls, there was life and things to do. No, he didn't want to eat, didn't want to drink, or sleep. He didn't want anything, unless it was Chin getting better!

It seemed like hours passed since the Taoist priest said his prayers and departed, but time might as well have become non-existent for Lü Meng. It had taken much effort for them to calm the teenager down and now, he simply laid at Chinmai’s beside, awake but silent, not really living but breathing, and existing, if one could even call it that. Sometime in the night, Deng Dang arrived with Yenji and they conversed with Shilimai, but he paid it no mind. Maybe they were discussing wedding arrangements, or discussing how Deng Dang was going to move their family out of Fupo, or even Chin’s funeral arrangements. They may as well been speaking another language to the teen as it was all simply noise to him. He laid at an angle that threatened to bring pins-and-needles sensation to his legs should he attempt to stand and the small of his back would creak and threaten to snap, but he truly did not care. He never considered the possibility that he would ever move from the spot again anyways. To the teenager, the world would have simply ceased to be once Chin passed away, he convinced himself…

He knew it was childish and considering he had just proved himself to be of equal standing with the rest of the soldiers, it was inexcusable, but he could no more fight that depression that gnawed in his chest than he could help but breathe. Surely, no one would blame him, he thought.

And he was horribly wrong.

Someone nudged him and called his name, and he hoped that it was Chin waking him up and teasing him for falling for her prank. He wanted to hear her laugh, her triumphant gloating, for her to say ‘haha, got you good, Meng! You silly boy!’

But it wasn't Chin. He looked into Yu Mao’s face and had not recognized him until his eyebrows twisted into a scowl, and his words, accompanied by the cuff to his cheek, finally pulled Lü Meng back into reality. “Lü Meng, pay attention!”

The interior of the worn down hut dispersed into a thousand little lights and Chin, passive and at peace, crumbled before his eyes, giving way to the harsh reality that he wasn't home, nor was he even in Fupo anymore. That Chin had died that night six months ago. That Yu Mao caught him with his guard down and that was only opening the door up to even more misery.

He must have been taking too long to respond and was immediately rewarded for it with another blow, and this was the one that caused the teenager to hit the ground, much to the delight of his fellow soldier. He didn't know what Yu Mao struck him with but he knew another one was imminent if he didn't acknowledge his presence. “I’m sorry, sir.”

He didn't know what Yu Mao wanted from him as his apology did nothing to appease the intense hatred he saw in him. Those too close to the confrontation scuffled away, not wanting to get caught in the crosshairs of the fight that was apparently about to occur. Was that what was happening? Were they in the middle of a drill and he neglected his role? He wasn't sure but he could not bring himself to ask. Any attempt to speak further would have made his voice crack and would give Yu Mao more fuel for his rage and he didn't need anymore of that. “Sorry doesn't cut it! You need to pay attention or it’s your life! Now get up and do the drill again!”

Lü Meng did as he was told, but there was no appeasing the man. That look of disgust ran deeper than any river in all of China and it continued to flow as he picked himself up, reaching for the quarterstaff that he had dropped and eager to just go make into the motions. All the while, he kept his head low and refused to meet Yu Mao’s eyes, approaching like an omega would to its angered alpha, knowing that one wrong move and those fangs would find themselves in his neck. Part of him longed to fight back and in a way, he suspected that Yu Mao welcomed the idea, but even after the strikes, Lü Meng refrained and simply endured. Once again, he stood at the ready and the drills continued, and this time, Lü Meng was careful not to let his mind wander too far. He wasn't sure if he could handle Yu Mao’s abuse and the violent jerk to reality a second time in a single day.

He stood at the ready and hoped it was enough, but Yu Mao was an impossible man to please. He slapped his quarterstaff on Lü Meng’s leg and then his shoulder, forcing the youth to shift positions, and his words cut deep, saying them loud and letting every soldier nearby hear him, much to Lü Meng’s dismay. “Your form’s incorrect! A bandit with no eyes could disarm you with a single swing, child! Do it right!”

Lü Meng didn't think, he simply reacted. No warning, no words. He lifted his quarterstaff and swung it at Yu Mao’s head, the only possible thought that could have existed in his mind was shutting him up though he felt it was more instinctual than any genuine thought process. The staff never connected and in a fluid, almost invisible movement, Yu Mao struck back. Seconds later, if even, the teenager found himself on his back, reinforced wood pressing down on his throat and a boot on his chest, and only then did he look Yu Mao in the eyes as the man stood over him, his face twisted with a murderous rage. He looked ready to kill him, and maybe he would have if Deng Dang’s shout not cracked through the air like a bolt of lightning. “Yu Mao, desist!”

Yu Mao was quick to obey, removing both the weapon and his boot from the teenager and stepping back to give him room. He stood at attention and bowed, while Lü Meng tried to gather his strength to at least pull himself into a seated position but to no avail. Only now did he feel the effect of his body hitting the earth and he was grateful for his brother-in-law’s interference, even at the cost of his own pride right now. Soldiers parted and allowed the lieutenant to pass, saying nothing and knowing better than to get in the middle of them as Deng Dang addressed Yu Mao. “Yu Mao, you’re completely out of line!”

By this time, Lü Meng had managed to get himself up to where he was sitting and he was certain that the only thing that kept Yu Mao from simply pushing him back down was Deng Dang himself. The way he held himself made it clear to not just them but to the rest that such behavior wouldn't be tolerated, but not even his presence could spare Lü Meng from the venom in Yu Mao’s words and the effect it had on his self-esteem. “He lashed out first and I merely put him in his place. He has no business being here at all and you do us all a disservice to keep this child with us. What can this nestling do? Having him in the army is no different than having a piece of meat around for a tiger!”

Something burned within Lü Meng and it had been so long since he felt anything but that deep sense of loss from Chin’s death that he almost didn't recognize it at first. It stirred within his gut and caused him to lash out once before and when it returned a second time, the teenager knew it to be hatred. The same hatred that Yu Mao apparently felt for him had been resting within him and the man’s blows and harsh words only seemed to cultivate it, and what horrible luck that Deng Dang had arrived before he could return the favor to Yu Mao! He hated that look that Deng Dang gave him but could make no action against it, and he held his tongue, knowing that if he even tried to speak that the one to suffer for it was his brother-in-law. “That’s not for you to say, Yu Mao. He’s pulled his weight and then some, so he has just as much a right to be in this army as you do. You need to lay off of him-”

“And you should not coddle him.” Yu Mao held his ground and practically spat in Lü Meng’s direction, as if daring the youth to try and retaliate. So long as Deng Dang was there, he couldn't strike out without shaming him in front of his soldiers, and so Lü Meng simply endured in silence as Yu Mao carried on. “You may as well send him home before he loses his life out there, sir! He is nothing but dead weight and dead weight should be abandoned first.”

Lü Meng wasn't sure what he was expecting from Deng Dang, but to hear him gloss over the matter was carrion comfort to him. “That will be up for me to decide and until that comes, you are to refrain from attacking or provoking your fellow soldiers. The next offense I see, either it be against Lü Meng or another soldier and you will be lashed publicly for all to see. Do you understand?”

What else could Yu Mao do? He complied, but Lü Meng knew he didn't mean it. No, he made have conceded but it was all a ruse, as he could hear the disdain in his voice as he addressed the lieutenant. “Yes, sir…”

“And as for you…” Now Deng Dang turned his gaze to Lü Meng and the youth kept his head down, refusing to look at him and see him struggling to maintain his composure. He knew he’d be trying to hide the pity in his eyes and the teen simply didn't want to see it. He didn't want pity. He didn't want to be treated differently, for better or for worse. All it had taken was a single movement and he was on his feet once more, but still he could not look Deng Dang in the eyes so he settled for his forehead. “You’ll have stable duties for the remainder of the evening since you can’t seem to get your head on straight. Making mucking out the stalls will clear your head. Go on.”

Once again, Deng Dang had favored him without anyone knowing, and not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Lü Meng obeyed without question. He bowed his head and stormed towards the stables, wishing that he could have taken a shot at Yu Mao before retreating but knowing that he had lost his chance. He should have taken comfort in Deng Dang’s willingness to threaten Yu Mao, but he knew it’d do him no good. The next time he’d simply mask it under a drill and feign ignorance, even blame Lü Meng for not paying attention. He’d find a way to torment him and skirt by the rules, until either Lü Meng left the unit or Yu Mao was put to death.

Not even the happy whickers of the horses could elevate his mood any. He grabbed the pitchfork and immediately went to work on the first stall, offering the horse a half-hearted rub on the muzzle to comfort him before getting on task. Yes, Deng Dang had favored him in giving him this duty instead of the drills but it hardly did anything to appease the maelstrom of emotions within him. His motions were quick, forceful, gripping the hilt of the tool tightly to stop his limbs from shaking, and it didn't take long for him to work up a sweat. Time passed and he had worked so vigorously that his hair slipped from its top knot and stuck to the back of his neck, and on a normal day, he wouldn't have minded the horse’s fuzzy lips nip at his loose strands, but he was simply too riled up. Far too round up and threatening to snap, and his victim would have been the horse if it kept at him.

“Meng!”

Deng Dang’s arrival startled not only the horses but the teenager as well and no amount of effort could stop him from letting the tool slip from his sweaty palms. Thankfully it and the manure he was digging at fell harmlessly just short of the stall door and away from the horse, but it hardly stopped the sting of embarrassment from washing over him. His only comfort was that Deng Dang wouldn't have laughed at him. Fuss him for being clumsy, perhaps, but he wouldn't kick him while he was down. Once the horses settled down, the lieutenant ventured deeper into the stables and wasted no time blasting him, his voice strained from holding himself back. “Meng, explain to me what just happened there.”

“My hands were sweaty, and the pitchfork slipped.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it! Damn it, Meng,” Deng Dang said, storming towards the pitchfork and grabbing it before Lü Meng could reach it and setting it aside, making his intentions clear. “Did I not warn you to stay away from Yu Mao? Didn't I?”

“You did.” Lü Meng saw no point to deny it. Lying wasn't in his nature and honestly he was no good at it. Now that he wasn't working, he could catch his breath and think, but that wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to think. If he thought, he’d think of Chin. “Can I have it back now?”

“No, you’ll listen and you won’t do any of that if you’re mucking the stalls. You’re barely even listening to me now.”

Now it was Lü Meng’s turn to scowl and he didn't regret it like he knew he should have. “I -am- listening, sir.”

Deng Dang didn't seem to believe him and held his tongue, and only when Lü Meng gave in and looked at his face did he speak up again. This time, there was a weight in his voice, one that Lü Meng recognized and immediately wanted to escape from. “You say you are, but I don’t believe you. Meng, I know these past six months have been rough on you… at first I thought it was commendable of you to take up your duties when you did, but now I think you’re a damn fool. You weren't ready to come back to this.”

“You said I was welcomed back in and my mother gave me permission to enlist,” Lü Meng said, his voice frigid and rejecting the sorrow that weighted Deng Dang’s words. He had enough of his own sorrow to cripple him and he didn't need anyone else’s thrown on his back right now. 

“Yes, but that was before… augh, Meng, I have every right to send you back until you've recovered, but what good is that going to do me? You’d just come back again and again, wouldn't you?” Deng Dang shook his head and his lament did little to Lü Meng’s conscience. The way he held himself made it clear that he was torn between striking his brother-in-law and pulling him into a hug, or perhaps his ulcer was getting the better of him again. Lü Meng didn't know, nor did he care. Whatever discomfort or pain Deng Dang was feeling was nothing compared to his own and there was nothing that the lieutenant could do to help him, so why he even bothered was beyond Lü Meng. Something closed tight around his shoulders and he was forced to look at Deng Dang as he gave him a squeeze, and the desperation in his voice threatened to undo him from his turmoil, but he resisted with all his might. “I don’t know what to say or do with you right now, Meng. I try to comfort you and you brush it away. I try to keep you busy and your mind simply wanders and you find some way to make trouble.”

“I didn't make trouble this time. He found me, and I fought back.”

He wanted to fight back harder. He wanted to slam the quarterstaff against his cheek and knock all of those teeth out of his skull. He wanted to teach Yu Mao a lesson, but Yu Mao was too fast for him. He provoked him and then disabled him in front of the entire regiment. Only now did he feel the wound to his pride and it should have been humbling, but all it did was feed his anger. 

“Meng, I know he hates you. Heavens only knows why he hates you so much, but you need to stay away from him, until we can figure out some kind of compromise.” Deng Dang never let up on his hold, even when it was clear that the youth wanted nothing more than to shy away from him. 

“What’s there to compromise?” Lü Meng asked, not afraid to show his ignorance now. After all, everyone just watched Yu Mao completely wipe the floor with him and it was no lie that he wasn't the brightest in the bunch, so what did he care what Deng Dang thought of him now. “Why bother compromising? We’ll never get along. He hates me for something that’s beyond my control and it’s not like I can just… magically age up or anything. Even if I could, he’d find something else to hate me for.”

He never understood the depths of Yu Mao’s hatred and he refused to think too much about how the man saved his life that morning of the ambush. Nothing about that made any sense to him and he figured it was easier to think that perhaps he had imagined the ordeal entirely, or simply mistook the man that saved him and imposed Yu Mao’s face there in some pathetic attempt to assure himself that the man couldn't have possibly hated him. Now, he knew he did, and for such a stupid reason.

“Perhaps, but that’s not the point. Whether you like him or not, Yu Mao’s a fellow soldier and your ally, and thus you should make an effort to co-exist with him. You don’t have to like him. I know I don’t, and if he keeps treating you this way or starts acting out against the other soldiers, I’ll be more than happy to flog him until he’s singing a different tune, but until then, he’s your ally and you’re his. And we don’t attack our allies, even if they may deserve it.” 

Lü Meng was taken back by Deng Dang’s words, but not for the wisdom in them. He paid little attention to that, far too young to understand why the lieutenant harped on such dribble. How could he possibly think to work or co-exist with someone that absolutely hated him? No, he was determined that he’d never co-exist with Yu Mao and that simply avoiding him would have been the more practical approach. What surprised him was Deng Dang’s confession and the conviction that was behind his threat, and he couldn't help but feel hopeful as he asked, “Why don’t you just flog him now, or ask him to leave? He’s the one that keeps provoking me, so why should I be punished?”

Deng Dang offered him a knowing smile and Lü Meng hated it. It came off smug, like he had all the answers and was merely looking for the chance to rub it in his face about it, but what could Lü Meng do but listen and try to understand, despite its uselessness? “Meng, the older you get, the more you’ll realize that there’s things in this world that you can’t change. People, places, conditions. There will always be some kind of adversity ahead of you and you can’t control them. You can try with all your might, but there will always be something you can’t control. What you can do, though, is control how you approach the situation and how you react. Control yourself, so that others can’t control you.”

Lü Meng looked at his brother-in-law, finally breaking his pact not to look directly at him and staring him in the eyes as he said that. He took in his words and he tried… he genuinely wanted to understand what he was saying. He wanted to absorb his words and let him fill him with wisdom, instead of the sorrow and hate that existed in almost perfect unity inside him, but the words didn't stick. And he couldn't help but feel himself wanting to despair that he simply didn't understand what Deng Dang had meant, but he resisted the urge and combated it with anger, resentment, emotions he was more akin with. And Deng Dang, knowing his words did nothing, let out a sigh and released Lü Meng with enough force to make the teenager back away a step. “Why do I even… you’ll understand when you’re older. For now, simply avoid Yu Mao. I’ll make sure to punish him for provoking you though I’m sure that’s only going to make matters worse. What am I going to do with the two of you?”

The teenager thought long and hard about what he was going to say, but never did it not cross his mind to refrain from saying it in the first place. “You could just execute him for attacking me and be done with it.”

Something about the comment or the way he said it in a completely serious tone made Deng Dang crack and the man laughed, the sound strained and fragile as a shaky leaf clinging to the branch during a storm. And how tragic was it that Lü Meng couldn't even bring himself to smile at the sound? “But then wouldn't I have to execute you for doing the same? You’re not too good with hindsight, but I admire your honesty and how straightforward your solution is. I just wish it was that simple. Now, get back to cleaning. You can sleep in here if you want to, but I’m certain that Yu Mao won’t be pestering you again for at least a little while. Be well, Meng.”

“And to you, Dang,” Lü Meng said, trying to give him a smile but certain that he’d see right through it. His attempt was at least appreciated, as Deng Dang returned the smile and left him with the horses. What Lü Meng should have done was take in everything that Deng Dang had said, absorb it, contemplate on it until he figured it out, but he didn't. He couldn't. He simply didn't understand how he was expected to not react, as simply reacting had done him well up until now. He would simply have to train harder, work harder, to best Yu Mao the next time they’d meet, because he may have been stupid, but he wasn't a fool. He knew they’d encounter one another again, and he knew that Yu Mao would never let go of his hatred for him, not unless Lü Meng beat it out of him. Until then, he’d simply have to avoid him and work hard, and once again he dove into the task of mucking the stables, welcoming the chore and hoping it’d drive him into exhaustion so that when he curled up in the nearest hay stack that he’d go straight into a dreamless sleep. He missed Chin dearly, but he could do with a few nights where her smiling face didn't cause him to wake up with tears soaking his face and bedding…

~*~*~

The days dragged on and there were few things that the grieving Lü Meng couldn't recall. On those days, the easiest thing to do was shut his mind off and simply react, or do, despite Deng Dang’s suggestion. He simply did as he was told and simply chose to exist, at least until the pain would pass. If he worked, he couldn't focus on his loss or invoking Yu Mao’s wrath, and by the end of the day, he would be too exhausted to think and would sleep through the night so heavily that a raid would have occurred around him and he wouldn't be any the wiser. Most of his days were uneventful, which was perfectly fine, and Lü Meng didn't want to admit to anyone that there were some good days thrown in. Small things, little things that reminded the teenager that life wasn't so bad and that life could continue without Chin, and it was on one of those days that Yu Mao caught him off guard entirely.

He didn't mean to drop his guard, but Yu Mao was simply an opportunist and closed in on him without warning. Perhaps he had noticed Lü Meng’s smile, or perhaps he had made an incorrect motion and was wanting to jump at the chance to correct him again, but whatever opening Lü Meng left, Yu Mao exploited it. 

“Nestling!” Yu Mao had become attached to that nickname for him, according to the soldiers that talked with Lü Meng. The word was flung about as though it were his name and everyone in their unit knew whom he was referring to when he muttered the words. Others had taken a liking to the name as well and mumbled it beneath their breaths as Lü Meng would pass, but he did his best to ignore them. Deng Dang also gave him some advice on this and used some flattering words, but the youth couldn't be bothered to remember any of it outside of it boiling down to ‘just ignore it’. Ignoring other soldiers when they taunted him was easy, but for Yu Mao? Impossible. “Where do you think you’re going?”

When Yu Mao caught him, his hands were full and in them were a heavy saddle, some armor and a sheathed sword, all belonging to Deng Dang. He fought down the urge to sneer and gave the man a prompt answer, never once looking around to see if they were alone. With the way no one intervened, barring Deng Dang or Fa Shi, they may as well have been alone, and for the short-tempered youth, this wasn't a good thing. “I’m going to polish this armor and saddle.”

Keep his answers short, give him only what he needed, and hope he’d lose interest and move on. That’s what Lü Meng was hoping for with this encounter with Yu Mao, but of course, his tormentor wasn't willing to let him go that easy. Couldn't just look away or be quiet. “Ah, so he’s finally put you in your proper place, Nestling? A child like you has no business raising a sword, much less polishing one for your elders.”

Those words hurt and if it was meant to be a trap, then Lü Meng fell for the bait perfectly. “I’m doing this for the lieutenant, not because I was ordered to.”

“Polishing armor and mucking stalls is all you’re good for until your feathers grow in.” Yu Mao drew closer to him and Lü Meng felt his back stiffen in lieu of the mocking tone of his voice. He should have walked away but he knew Yu Mao wouldn't let him, but he couldn't take the sound of his voice anymore, especially since he had given him more fuel to sling his insulting words at him. “Trying to get into the lieutenant’s good graces won’t do you any good, either. We all know the only reason he allowed you into our unit in the first place was for you to obtain the money you needed for the dowries and simply hasn't figured out how to get rid of you yet. It’s only out of pity that he keeps you now even though he knows you’ll be picked off the moment we see battle again. Perhaps that’s what he’s hoping for! If I thought I was doing him a favor, I would have let you die that first battle and be done with it- what’s another useless death in the Lü family?”

Something in him snapped and all Lü Meng could do was respond. He didn’t think, he didn't speak, and he was certain that he wasn't breathing either. Yu Mao had kept on talking and talking and talking but Lü Meng had long since stopped listening. His hands were full but not for long, as the armor and saddle fell from his hands, but not the sword. It wasn't an unfamiliar weapon to him now as it once was and before the drills he never thought he could wield anything shorter than a spear, and if he wasn’t consumed with rage, he would have been surprised with just how easily the blade slipped from the sheath and how easy it was to thrust it forward. How easily it tore through clothing, flesh and muscle, but he’d never forgot how easily it silenced Yu Mao, but only for a little while, as even when there was a sword plunged deep into his chest, he managed to croak out a few words, his hatred finally giving away to shock. “You… killed… me?”

Lü Meng wasn’t sure what made him let go of the hilt, whether it was the blood that now soaked his hands and arms or the horror in his eyes, but when he released the grip on the sword, Yu Mao fell to his knees. One hand wrapped around the hilt and tried in vain to remove that sword, and the other grasped for any part of his murderer be it clothing or an appendage, but his efforts were as futile as removing the blade from his lungs as Lü Meng practically scrambled out of his reach. He didn't know enough about combat or injuries, but he knew it was grave. He should have called for a medic or tried to help the man, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Had he tended to the man, maybe he’d live, but Lü Meng kept his distance and watched as he collapsed to the ground, the life that fled from his body manifesting in the form of blood pooling onto the earth. Lü Meng would have continued to stare at the dying man, too, had someone not stepped in the puddle and forced his gaze upwards. Shock and horror were clearly visible on Fa Shi’s face and the more he took it in, the more it began to dawn on him as to what he had just done. 

He killed a man. There was no doubt about it as the evidence was clear as the moon in the night sky. He wasn't sure what kept him standing, but at least he knew what it was that got him running, as Fa Shi was suddenly upon him, pulling his attention away from Yu Mao’s lifeless body and the soldiers that were beginning to gather around them. He was expecting to be berated and accused and the threat of punishment upon him, but no such words came out of him. His voice was strained and if he listened carefully he could hear the tremble in them, but Fa Shi’s panicked response and his pushing made it hard for him to focus his mind on anything for too long. “Lü Meng, you need to leave. Now.”

He knew that much. He killed a man. He killed a fellow soldier and it didn’t matter if it was justified or not. What would become of him when Deng Dang found out? He was destined not to know, as Fa Shi just kept pushing and pushing, refusing to let him linger long enough to find out. “Go! Now! I’ll talk with Deng Dang about this, but you need to go before they send for the marshals. Go, for heavens’ sake, go!”

What else could Lü Meng do? He wasn't sure why Fa Shi didn't turn him in nor why he was helping him, but he had no time to question him. Fa Shi told him to leave, and he’d do so running. Where would he go? How long could he possibly run for? What would happen if he got caught? What would become of Fa Shi for helping him? He had no idea and he didn't want to think about it. All he could do was run, run, run!


	6. Meng, the Fugitive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng's efforts to flee from custody are foiled by three prowling tigers...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

The village of Fupo were surprised with their recent string of visitors as of late and weren’t afraid to show it. Within the past three weeks, they saw men of various authorities pass through their village in search of a fugitive- a soldier had killed another in a dispute and had the nerve to flee from punishment. None claimed to have seen him, despite the likelihood that he would flee home, and for the most part, the authorities of Yuan Shu were willing to leave it at that.

The ones that passed through now, however, weren’t the same as Yuan Shu’s and it was clear as day to see from the moment of their arrival. For starters, there wasn’t an entire regiment at the three riders’ backs, no fancy banners or a crier at their front, and when they passed through the gates, there were no loud shouts or demands for their attention. In fact, had they not been on horseback, their arrival might have been missed entirely and that only made the villagers all the more curious.

“It’s a lot nicer than Yuan Shu’s men claimed it to be, but then again we probably shouldn’t have held too much merit as far as appearance of things go in their eyes.” It was just like Sun Ce to make such a statement, taking in the humble little village and offering the curious bystanders a welcoming smile. It seemed that his openness and appearance were well known in the village, as they all but flocked towards him now. He was the first to dismount and the two men that flanked him followed suit shortly after. Neither man were surprised to see just how quickly the villagers warmed up to the young Sun lord as with any member of the Sun family, there just seemed to be a natural attraction and when it came to Sun Ce, it was impossible not to see his appeal. Why else would others flock to join his ranks? 

Their arrival may have been noticed, but their intention was a mystery to most of the villager. Some had their suspicions but none addressed the matter. Lü Meng knew, though. He knew exactly why they were here and only treated further into the shadows of the home he was cooped up in. He didn’t need the village elder to tell him that they were here for him and he gave the elderly man a compliant and silent nod, before he left him alone. Thus far, the elder Zheng Zhang had managed to throw off the men that Yuan Shu sent earlier, but could he do the same now? How would a tiger’s sense of smell compare to the hounds that came before him? And if caught, how much trouble would he put the kind old man in, or his family? Deng Dang and Fa Shi were already going to suffer much. How much more would Lü Meng’s conscience allow him to endure, all for the sake of hiding?

“Welcome, Lord Sun Ce,” Zheng Zhang said, wasting no time in greeting the esteemed visitor, wearing nothing but a kind smile and a cane to keep himself from completely reliant on the young lady that accompanied him. Unlike the officers that came before them, Sun Ce wasn’t afraid to close the distance between them and clasped the hands of the village elder. “We’re honored by your and your colleagues’ presence, though I’m afraid we do not have much to offer you in regards to hospitality. Whatever we do have we will be more than happy to share with you.”

“It’s good to be welcomed, but don’t stress on hosting anything grand for us. We’re here on a quick mission and we certainly wouldn’t want to impose on you all for too long.”

There was a surprised mumble among the crowd that gathered but all of it good. From where Lü Meng spied on them, he could see that whatever weapons they brought with them were sheathed and holstered on their horses, giving the impression that they were not here to impose any harm or threat. But Lü Meng wasn’t fooled. He knew they were here for him, but he couldn’t fault the villagers if they surrendered him to Sun Ce and his men. Better to turn him over to them than to Yuan Shu’s men directly…

He ducked down again when one of his men looked to be turning his way, uncertain if he was spotted or just barely missed. The one that looked his way was curious and certain that he had felt someone’s eyes upon him, but Zhou Yu didn’t see anyone besides the crowd that gathered around them. The feeling lingered for a moment more, and he looked to his lord and friend, his voice soft but certain to be heard over over the excited murmurs that circled them. “We shouldn’t take up too much of these good people’s time, Ce. They have a harvest to prepare for and we would not wish to distract them any longer than we must.”

“Right,” Sun Ce said and like a switch that’s been turned on, he addressed the crowd with an authoritative but still friendly tone, never alarming them from where the fugitive remained hidden from. “Citizens of Fupo, we apologize for imposing upon you without notice, but we’re here to recruit young officers into our army. We’re looking for strong, capable, and most of all, willing recruits, to help keep the land free from the threat of bandits and anyone else that disrupts the peace. Those wishing to enlist can speak to either myself or Han Dang here,” he motioned to the rather squinty-eyed looking officer next to him before he continued. “We’ll understand if some of you are unable to enlist, as your farms will need tending and your crops are valuable to not only yourselves but to us as well. Zhou Yu will be conducting an investigation to see what we can do as far as repairing damages left by recent raids or weather.”

This only pleased the villagers all the more and if his aim was to endear the people to him, then he didn’t have to try hard at all. Only when there was a mild uproar did Sun Ce turn to his officers and address them in a hushed tone. “Keep an eye and ear out for any news. Yu, if you spot him…”

“Be discrete,” Zhou Yu said with a smooth as silk grin. “Of course. Why else would you have brought me?”

“Well I’m serious about the repairs part, you know.”

Zhou Yu’s laughter was like a calm, trickling stream and was meant to sooth his friend’s spirit. Lü Meng couldn’t hear the men’s words over the crowd, but he could see its effect from where he hid and felt a part of himself longing for such a comforting feeling from that laugh. “No worries, I’ll keep an eye on that too. You can count on me.”

“My lord, not to question you or Master Zhou Yu, but why do you think he came back here?” Han Dang asked, his own curiosity peaked and his voice almost too soft to hear thanks to the lack of conviction in his tone. He was the hardest to hear. “Yuan Shu's men claimed to search the place top to bottom and couldn’t find him. How do we know he didn’t flee to the next village?”

“Call it a hunch. I’ll explain once we either get news of him or find him, but I’m certain he’s here.”

Han Dang did not question him further, seemingly either having lost all courage by this point or simply trusting his lord. Thankfully, Zhou Yu was willing to get one more question out before they dispersed into their respective tasks. “And if we find him and he resists?”

Now, a stern expression appeared on the Sun lord’s face and Lü Meng retreated deeper into the hut, where he could no longer peer out of the window. He suspected the worst and was preparing to bunker down. They had to be here for him, they just had to be, and what luck that it was Sun Ce and his tigers that came for him? Had Lü Meng waited a second more, he might have found comfort in Sun Ce’s softened gaze and the smile that followed after it. “Appeal to him and keep him still until I can get a good talk with him.”

Both men nodded and moved into position. Now one knew how long that would remain in Fupo but they were determined to make sure they enjoyed their stay, as well as provide a good distraction from their secondary mission. What they did not know but highly suspected was that the citizens of Fupo had long since discussed their own plans and had managed to keep keep Yuan Shu’s men off of the fugitive’s scent, and that they would do the same for Sun Ce. As they traversed through the village, the three officers found it hard to obtain any information on the fugitive, as any chance to talk about him was met with either a smooth diversion or blatant ignorance. Had they not been told the fugitive’s name from the reports, they wouldn’t have even been able to obtain that! As the day dragged on, the three officers found that the people of Fupo were steadfast in their efforts to protect one of their own, or perhaps simply that Sun Ce’s hunch may have been wrong.

Zhou Yu, however, had complete faith in his childhood friend and not once did he allow that faith to waver. Eventually, someone would slip up and he simply had to wait for an opening to present itself. The task that Sun Ce gave him had at least provided a decent enough distraction from any disappointment he felt when his efforts were stonewalled and had managed to keep a running tally in his head on how much supplies they’d need. Menial things, but he never denied its importance. Even if they didn’t find their fugitive, at least he’d feel better knowing that they had helped those in need and further Sun Ce’s public image. That in itself would have made this trip worth it.

Eventually, he made his way to the set of huts at the end of the village where he assumed the farmers resided in, where most of the repair would would need to take place. Most of the homes were empty, all of its inhabitants either in the fields or in the village with Sun Ce and Han Dang. This allowed Zhou Yu a chance to muse the damages he saw for himself, as well as noticed that he wasn’t quite as alone as he thought he was. He had reached the far end of the huts when he spotted her. A middle aged woman with thick black hair, decorated with streaks of white starting from the temples and spiraling into a tight, well kept bun. Her dark eyes, filled with barely contained concern, observed him and resisted his charm, a very admirable trait, he found, but not as admirable as her blunt approach. “You’re here looking for my son, Meng. Aren’t you?”

“Of all of the villagers I’ve spoken to today, you are the first to acknowledge his existence, my lady,” Zhou Yu said but only after a moment of lingering silence fell upon them, and he held his ground as she approached him. Her gaze was steady, fierce, unrelenting, and Zhou Yu wouldn’t have been ashamed to admit that he wasn’t sure what to expect from the woman. Despite orders, he chose to be honest, countering her honesty with his own in hopes of appealing to her. “It is on the list of things I was sent here to do, along with accessing repairs for your village.”

She wore neither a smile nor a scowl, her expression a careful neutral. If he was to win her trust, he would simply have to try harder. “This isn’t my village. Not anymore. Meng used your lord’s reward money to get us out of here, and yet it seemed something will keep us coming back here.”

“He participated in the recent operation against the Shanyue then?” This genuinely took Zhou Yu by surprise and he allowed it to show, hoping that his honesty would help his cause. That was a detail that Yuan Shu’s men seemed to overlook and Zhou Yu made a note and tucked it away for later. “His efforts were certainly appreciated, my lady. I’m sorry that things did not seem to work out for him or yourself.”

“Are you really, or are you just saying that to woo me into giving away where my son is?”

Shrewd, honest. The fugitive’s mother was certainly a gem and possibly a worthy rival. Zhou Yu’s smile morphed from forced polite to genuine in a heartbeat in response to her scrutiny. Still, he could not be bested either by her or anyone, he told himself as he retaliated in a soft, and most sincere tone. “I assure you, I am quite genuine. However, forgive me if I have assumed incorrectly, but I believe that you have every intention of telling me where he is, in exchange for requesting amnesty for his crime on his behalf to my lord. Am I wrong?”

He observed her closely, looking for the telltale signs of either surprise or understanding, and what he received was something more akin to a relieved resentment. How much had the fugitive worried her and how strong was she to speak on his behalf despite this? A few moments passed but eventually she let out a sigh and genuine and true relief escaped those lips. “And tell me, what does your lord intent to do with my Meng, if he turned himself in?”

Now this was something that Zhou Yu was uncertain of and wished he could assure her of. He wanted to offer her some solace, but the truth of the matter was that he wasn’t sure of Sun Ce’s intentions, or why he showed so much interest in this mission. Yuan Shu was eager to pass it off to them after the first attempt and left the man’s fate in their hands, but Zhou Yu wasn’t sure he could give her the answer she wanted to hear. So, he did the only thing that seemed proper and thus far had worked. He gave her the truth and made sure to smother his words with honey in hopes of making it easier for the woman to accept. “It is hard to know what my lord will do unless he hears of the event itself so that he can judge. It would also greatly benefit you son if he were to turn himself and present himself to Lord Sun Ce. It would likely allow for my lord to judge him more favorable, if he were to confront the matter instead of fleeing from it. I can assure you that Sun Ce will listen to him and give the matter thought before he casts judgement.”

The look that the woman gave him offered him some hope and her smile was warmer than it had been moments ago. Yes, this was exactly what she wanted to hear. “If it’ll improve his chances, then I’ll tell you what I know happened. I will even see if I can convince him to turn himself in. All I ask is that if you get the chance, speak for my son. He’s not the best with words and I’m sure none of this has helped him any.”

“My lady, I promise you, I will do my best to speak for your son when I can, but it will help him greatly if he was to stand on his own. I can coach him and guide Sun Ce’s decision to the best of my abilities. Now please, tell me what transpired and how I may help, lady…”

“San Shilimai.”

~*~*~

It was inevitable that someone would have caught him, but Lü Meng had hoped that he could have held out for one more night at least. Had he done so, he could have fled Fupo and spare his kinsmen from having to lie on his behalf, assuming they did not rat him out already. He had already shamed them with his actions before, how much more would they be willing to tolerate on his behalf? He was still coping with the fact that they were willing to shelter him at all…

Even after he came in soaked in sweat and blood caked on him from the day long journey and barely able to speak, the village elder lead him into his home and tended to him without ever once asking what the teenager had done. Lü Meng had want to speak, to explain himself and to thank him, but his voice refused to emerge. His voice, so appalled in what he had done, had retreated and refused to come out, leaving the teen mute except in his own head. But Zheng Zhang never prided, never pushed, merely told him to lay down and rest until his body had recovered. He was assured that he was in shock and not anything more and that it would all eventually pass, and though Lü Meng had his doubts, he simply bobbed his head up and down and tried to sleep without Yu Mao’s face creeping up on him. He longed for a reprise from Chinmai, but this wasn’t the replacement he was hoping for at all!

It didn’t take long for the authorities to arrive and when they did, he was nearly inconsolable! What shock he was in and had been recovering from only intensified and how Zheng Zhang was able to calm him down enough was a mystery to him. Maybe he rendered him unconscious or drugged his drink. There had been some small gaps in memory since he fled camp and perhaps not all of it could be blamed on shock, so truly anything could have been possible. The hours spent hiding in the bedding of hay were the longest he ever remembered and it gave him too much time to think, to dread the inevitability of him being caught. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts and yet what choice did he have? Perhaps it was part of his punishment to have to lay in solitude and go mad with the fear that Zheng Zhang would turn him in once he realized what heinous crime he committed. They’d have to tell him, and why wouldn’t they have? They deserved to know. Let all of Fupo know that Lü Meng killed a fellow soldier, and that he would have the nerve to flee instead of standing his ground and accept his punishment as a man would.

‘Yu Mao was right.’ He remembered thinking bitterly and for the millionth time he reminded himself of this. ‘I’m just a child. A nestling. And now a murderer.’

To think, his first blood came from a soldier that stood besides him before and even saved his life.

Once Zheng Zhang knew of his crime, what choice would the elder have but to turn him in? He wanted to remove himself from the haystack to do so to spare the old man the shame of being caught housing him, but he just couldn’t do it. He was afraid of what the punishment might be. Would he be executed? What would become of his family? He had worked hard to get them out of Fupo and with Deng Dang and what good did that do him now? If Deng Dang was to be punished in his place, then Yenji would suffer dearly! What would his mother think? What would become of Fa Shi for allowing him to flee when he should have apprehended him that night?

So many thoughts passed through his head, some of which repeating for a few times, all the while waiting for either the return of Zheng Zhang or the authorities to enter the hut and drag him out. After an eternity, the elder returned, and in a calm, wavering voice, told him that it was safe, but it took him awhile before he stepped out. As the village elder promised, he was safe, but the look in his eyes told Lü Meng that he knew of his crime, and that someday, he would have to confront it. At least it would not be that day.

Very few words were spoken between them from then on. Even when Lü Meng recovered his voice, he simply had little to say. He could not defend or justify his actions and he figured that whatever voice he did have would have been best spent with whatever official that managed to catch him. Not that he planned or wanted to be caught, but since it seemed inevitable, he figured his words would be best spent there. And Zheng Zhang, kind and patient, never questioned him and let him be, and when the next set of authorities came, he continued to smokescreen the youth until he was ready to surrender himself. 

Would today be that day, he pondered to himself as he laid in the haystack, a familiar sanctuary now and his only companions a few rats that nibbled on the straw strands but never dared venture closer to the teenager. He had not expected to see Sun Ce himself coming for him, even under the guise of recruitment and repairs, and he began to wonder who else that would be sent if Sun Ce returned empty handed. Would they just give up on him? Who else would Yuan Shu send? Even if there would be others after Sun Ce, what kind of life could a fugitive think to live? He’d be hounded and if anyone recognized him, he’d have to pack up and begin anew once more. How far would he be willing to go? How long before his guilt turned against him? Would that life be any better than the one that that he already tried to escape from?

His thoughts came to an abrupt end when the door of the hut swung open and he grew stiff. Others were entering the hut now and he had no way of knowing if it would have been the village elder and his granddaughter, Ren, or one of the officials until they spoke. He waited in silence, wishing that the rodents around him would stop fidgeting before they gave him away. Were they trying to find him too? ‘Stop that. Now you’re just being paranoid.’

“My lady, you are in no condition to have ridden out. Think of yourself and the child.” The first to speak was Zheng Zhang, relieving Lü Meng for a moment but catching himself before he could give himself away with his relieved sigh. After all, there were others that entered with him. “Please, have a seat here.”

Lü Meng wasn’t sure which should have made him panic more: the sudden shifting of the hay that indicated that he was no longer alone on the bed or the shrill his sister’s voice took. ‘Yenji!’

“How could I not? Not when Meng…”

He almost sprang out of the hay but instincts stopped him as he heard one of Sun Ce’s men speak up. What was his name again? “Please, my lady, you must settle down. Whoever this Meng is-”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know who he is or why you’re here! He’s my baby brother and he’s the one you and your lord are looking for! We’re poor, farming folk, not stupid!”

‘Leave it to Yenji to be so blunt,’ Lü Meng thought, resisting the urge to respond physically to his sister’s outburst. He wanted to snicker at what he thought the squinty-eyed man would look like when he draw back in surprise, but he was too busy pondering what Zheng Zhang had meant. ‘What child?’

Somehow the officer’s stammering was not as satisfying as he thought it would be, which meant that Yenji’s concern outweighed her fierceness. “Ah, my lady, you see… uh, it’s not the only reason we’re here. My lord is very sincere about recruiting soldiers and getting engineers on the repairs. Could I get you anything? Food? Water?”

“Yes you can get me Meng!”

She slammed her hand down on the bedding and had no idea how close she came to socking him. As Han Dang was reduced to a stuttering mess, Zheng Zhang moved to assist her, his voice a familiar, comforting trill, meant to soothe her. “Dear Yenji, please calm yourself as this anger does not compliment your complexion at all. I know it’s been difficult for you and that you’ve ridden far, but it will do neither yourselves or your brother good to get yourself so distressed. Ren, please, make some tea for all of our guests.”

Ren gave a soft ‘yes’ and promptly left, heaving the men to deal with the now weeping Yenji. “How could this have happened? Why did he run away like that? He’s such a stupid boy!”

“Now, now, my lady, please…”

Lü Meng wanted to tell the man not to even bother but in doing so would give himself away. Yenji would not be consoled with mere words. She only continued to wail, every word a spiked whip to Lü Meng’s conscience. “My husband told me everything but he won’t tell me where he is, and he’s going to drive us crazy worrying over him! My mother already left to look for him, so what else could I do? How can I sleep another minute in my new home when I know he’s out there, alone and frightened?”

“Lady Yenji, please, do not be so hard on him or yourself,” said Zheng Zhang, drawing closer to the bedding to console the sobbing woman. Lü Meng was grateful as he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take it. “Lü Meng is but a young man, dear Yenji, and one that has undoubtedly made a mistake. I cannot speak for him directly, but I do know that he has likely fled simply because he did not wish to bring harm or shame upon his family. He lashed out and could not foresee the consequences of his actions. Perhaps he still has not, or perhaps he has and is merely seeking the courage to accept what he’d done and return to you once more.”

He had a feeling that the words were not meant for just Yenji and despite there being hay between them, the hidden teenager was certain that Zheng Zhang’s eyes rested on him, and he tried to shrink deeper into the bedding but to no avail. Though Yenji continued to cry, at least she sounded a little calmer than moments ago. “I just… I don’t care why he did it, I just want him safe. I want him to come home. I don’t want to lose another of my dear siblings! Wasn’t losing Chin enough?”

Lü Meng couldn’t imagine how awkward it must have been for the officer to be there and had Yenji not brought up Chin he might have been able to pull himself away from his misery long enough to pity him. Between the two of them, though, Han Dang was definitely the more courageous and when his voice wasn’t a wavering mess, it could be extremely soft and almost comforting. “My lady, I’ll admit that we were ordered to come here to look for him, or in the very least, gather more information, my my lord’s intentions in finding your brother go beyond just turning him in.”

“It… it is>?” The hope that crept into Yenji’s voice was contagious. “You mean, you’re going to listen to his side first?”

“Already done,” said Sun Ce, his voice suddenly filling the room and more footsteps padded against the floor, alerting Lü Meng know that Sun Ce wasn’t alone. He imagined all eyes had turned to their guests and now any chance to flee was gone from his mind entirely. “Zhou Yu spoke with Lady Shilimai and myself, and our earlier report from Lieutenant Deng Dang himself gives good enough idea about the circumstances, though I’m still interesting in hearing his side of the story from him personally. After all, he’s the only one that really knows what happened that night.”

Zheng Zhang sounded both pleased and surprised and managed to inform the teenager who else had arrived to the now crowded hut. “Lady Shi, you can never seem to stay away from Fupo, can you? Please, have a seat here next to Yenji. Ren, please, prepare more tea, won’t you?”

Once again, Ren’s reply was soft but present, and before Lü Meng could panic about finding another body on him, his mother kindly declined but did approach her crying daughter. “I’ll be fine, thank you. As for you, Yenji, I’m not surprised to see you here in your condition. He, or she, is going to be just like his uncle if you’re not careful.”

Again his sister’s ‘condition’ was hinted at and again Lü Meng didn’t understand, but it was hardly important now. No, whatever mystery revolved around Yenji would have to be resolved later, as the officer he suspected to be Zhou Yu drew everyone’s attention back to him. “Han Dang, I’m guessing that Master Zheng Zhang and Lady Yenji have given you some insight on the matter. Would you like to contribute your input?”

“Yes, sir, but… would here be the most appropriate place?”

He was referring to the mother-daughter pair, of course, and there was no question where Yenji or any of her siblings had gotten their blunt honesty from. “Whatever you three have to discuss involving my son is for us to hear. He is our family and our benefactor and it is our right.” Then, in a softer tone, she addressed her daughter and was likely wiping tears from her face. “However, you need to stop wailing long enough so that they can hear each other talk, Yenji,”

Eventually Yenji had settled down enough to where Han Dang didn’t sound so tense and he relaxed as he gave his report, as meager as it may have been. “My lord, from what I was able to get from some of the potential recruits, Master Zheng Zhang and the lady here tells me that our fugitive is nothing more than a frightened and possibly confused youth and not the menace that Lord Yuan Shu’s men made him out to be.”

“Those were my findings as well,” Zhou Yu said, his voice soothing and having an immediate effect on his sister as she had calmed down considerably. “His crime was the result of months of abuse from the man he eventually killed, as well as personal grief. From Deng Dang’s report, as well as Lady Shilimai’s account, on the night of the altercation, seemed that Yu Mao had simply gone too far and struck a raw nerve and our fugitive merely reacted. A terrible lapse in judgement, but hardly at all anything premeditated or thought out.” 

“Still, it resulted in the death of a soldier, nevertheless.” Lü Meng noticed that there was a distinct lack of anger in the Sun lord’s voice, as though the notion that he killed a man was simply secondary and not the true focus at all, when it should have been. “A pretty serious offense, but not worth sending so many out to find him, don’t you think?”

“Lord Sun Ce, are you suggesting that we call off the hunt?”

“Yes, and no. He committed an offense by killing a soldier that was bullying him, but his greatest offense was him fleeing and choosing to hide while his family worries for him. It’s been roughly three weeks now. Surely enough time has passed for him to realize how much pain they’re going through.” Sun Ce spoke with confidence, but within that there was also a hint of compassion, and how Lü Meng squirmed to resist the shame from consuming him and forcing him to act out right now! Sun Ce was right, but how could he just show up now? “If he’d present himself to me, I’d be willing to hear his story and do what I can, but that depends entirely on him.”

“It would take an extreme amount of bravery to turn oneself in. Even more so before his family here.”

The way that Zhou Yu had said the words was peculiar and for a moment, he was reminded of Fa Shi. He’d have a way of pushing Lü Meng and others into action, without physically touching them or giving a direct order. Goading, is what other recruits had told him. It was a method of manipulating someone by directly attacking their pride, and Lü Meng could tell that Sun Ce and Zhou Yu were goading him. Was that not what got him in trouble in the first place with Yu Mao? And yet, if he did not act, he’d be not only admitting to his cowardice, but would it not make matters worse in the end?

He knew he had to make a choice, and it seemed he would have to make it soon, as Sun Ce let out a sigh, heavy with what he could only guess was disappointment. “Pretty brave indeed. Alas, there may be hope yet. We should finish our business here and be on our way. After all, the village isn’t going to repair itself and we have a lot of work to do with our new recruits.”

They would be leaving soon, which meant if he was going to act, it would have to be now. And yet, the fear that crippled him had tried to dig its claws in deep and refused to let him go. Wait a few moments more and they’d be gone, and he would have a least a few more days until Lord Yuan Shu decided to send more officers out to find him. By then, he’d be long gone from Fupo. But… he knew he couldn’t. Not when he knew just how much he had made his family suffer. So, even if it meant falling into the obvious trap, Lü Meng took a breath and emerged from the hay bedding, startling not only the rats and Yenji with the sudden movement but the three officers as well. Not his best idea, but since when did that ever not ring true with Lü Meng?

He didn’t consider how his abrupt entrance could have triggered any of the officers’ fighting instincts or what effect it may have on poor Yenji, but now he had little choice but to commit to the act. Without taking the time to remove the strands of hay from his hair and clothing and practically flying over his sister’s form, he never once stopped his forward motion until he had reached the Sun lord and by then he had practically dive bombed at his feet. No grace worthy of a tiger but it was all that the teenager could muster, his shout threatened to be muffled from the bow he took as he addressed Sun Ce. “Lord Sun Ce, I… I turn myself in!”

Moments passed without noise or words spoken and it was far more unbearable than anything Lü Meng had endured thus far in his short life. Thankfully, there were no swarm of hands and ropes that apprehended him, and Sun Ce wasn’t keen on letting him suffer for too long, as his voice boomed in his ears and once again filled every inch of the hut with life. “Good lad, I was wondering how much we’d have to… wait, I know you, don’t I?”

He was forced to look up when Sun Ce knelt down in front of him and the intrigue of his voice the perfect lure for Lü Meng to raise his head from his bow to look at Sun Ce face to face. Lü Meng didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. “Oh, right! ‘Breathe’, wasn’t it? Small world.”

If Lü Meng had the courage, he made have made a joke about fate or destiny, but all of that courage drained away in a heartbeat, for now he found himself surrounded on all sides. Tigers of the Sun family at his front, and two extremely angry and emotional women at his back, and not even Ren’s timid voice could spare him from the sense of being overwhelmed. “Oh… well… I guess I’ll go prepare another cup of tea then.”


	7. Terra Fecunda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng is provoked by a young Sun lord to do the impossible...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

Lü Meng didn’t have time to prepare himself for the abrupt shift in scenery and pulling out of the memory gave him a terrible headache, ripping through his skull like a stray lightning bolt. He could no more stop the pained gasp than he could stop the thunder that always succeeded lightning and he wasn’t sure how he managed to stop himself from grabbing his temples. Though what stopped him was a mystery to him- he wasn’t sure why he bothered keeping up appearances as Zuo Ci had already seen how cowardly and weak he once was. ‘Once,’ he reminded himself, squinting his eyes and concentrating his efforts on fighting the headache. ‘Once a coward, never again.’

He waited for Zuo Ci to speak up, but the man was oddly quiet. Was he still entranced in the memory or merely musing over his findings? Either way, he was determined not to wait in silence for long, and broke it, unaware of how his voice would affect the mystic if he was still entranced. Maybe he’d return the favor and spread his headache? He could only hope. “So, thoughts? Opinions? Since my life is on display, I’m curious as to how this is meant to contribute to your investigation.”

Perhaps too much of his spite hung on his voice and years spent controlling his temper were pushed aside so easily. And the worst part was that he wasn’t sure exactly why this recent memory threatened to undo all of that hard work, but he at least managed to reign it in and display it through a coat of smarm. Seconds passed before Zuo Ci said anything and when he did, Lü Meng felt little comfort in it. “I’m afraid to admit that I do not have much to say. You are hardly the first to be lured into war so young, nor the first to succumb to your own emotions. I wonder, just how much you and your adversary have in common after all.”

Now this caught Lü Meng’s attention and he tried to hide it, but to no avail as he was certain it escaped in his voice. “So he was a fugitive once? I’m sure his reasons were far nobler than my own, or so he would proclaim.” Admittedly, he did not know of this and he was torn on whether the skepticism he felt was justified or not. Could have easily been a ruse to deter him from his mission, though it could also be a way for him to learn more about his enemy before the inevitable confrontation. Either way, he was content to leave his fugitive days, as brief as they were, behind him. “What I learned from my experience is to have the strength and courage to face the consequences of my actions, regardless if they lead to punishment or a reward.”

This piqued the old man’s interest and he took some measure of pleasure in seeing his baffled expression, even if it was short-lived. It made the headache he suffered all the worth it. “Oh and tell me, you feel you were rewarded for your actions that day?”

“Of course I was,” the Chief-Commander said and proudly as well. Perhaps it was a bit arrogant of him and it was fear of it consuming him as it had so many others that made him calmly explain himself. “Look at it from where I had come from and you’d understand perfectly why I would see it as a reward. I was granted amnesty when I should have been executed. Even better than that, my family was taken into Sun Ce’s care, including myself and Deng Dang. I didn’t understand just how much of a blessing it was until later, but I was never ungrateful.”

“So you feel that killing that man resulted in your reward?”

The Lü Meng of now understood where the Lü Meng of his teen years did not, and now he was more than happy to explain to the mystic. “No, I was granted a second chance to redeem myself, but I was rewarded for my decision to join Deng Dang’s army in the first place and to present myself to Lord Sun Ce, even when they intentionally made it difficult for me to do so.”

Zuo Ci’s expression was near unreadable but not for long, and he wasn’t sure if his eyes were deceiving him when he wore a rather contented smile, as though his response pleased him. Not that he was certain if it was a good or bad thing, but it seemed it would simply have to remain a mystery for a while more as the mystic was keen on moving on ahead. Whatever laid in the man’s mind as far as his final judgement on the matter went would simply have to be addressed later, the Chief-Commander thought to himself and relieved that his headache seemed to be ebbing away slowly. He felt displaced, one moment there in this shared realm and the next, looking at himself, kneeling in front of Sun Ce, too nervous to understand the kind smile that the young Sun lord wore as he confessed his crime to him. All the while, Zuo Ci was there, asking him questions, letting him witness his past but keeping him in this strange limbo. “Yes, I can see where one would commend you for your bravery, even when you were clearly either coerced or goaded into the action. Swallowing your fear, and your pride, to do the right thing… it would seem that the courage you are renowned for did not simply develop on the battlefield as I originally thought.”

“In this age of chaos, I find one cannot afford to be a coward, and even though I didn’t know it at first, there’s more to courage than simply fighting. Take the ones who chose to stay behind and tend to their fields, for example. To choose to continue working, so that your family or others can eat, instead of abandoning one’s duties. To choose stability over fame can be just as courageous as venturing out, can’t it?” 

Zuo Ci mulled over the question and moments passed in silence between them, before he chimed in, his voice threatening to dissipate the wall between the realm they were in now and that of the past once more. “Yes, courage can come in many forms, but one must be weary. At what lengths would one be willing to go to justify courage, and when does courage turn into recklessness? When does one’s efforts to display their bravery impede upon another’s liberty and peaceful way of life?”

Now Lü Meng tried to resist the pull, despite its inevitability, at least long enough to where he could prepare himself for what the next memory would be or perhaps guide it to where he wished to go, like when one took control of a dream. He wasn’t sure if it was even possible, but he would at least say he tried. “If you’re talking about my lord’s decision to break away from Yuan Shu and reclaim his homeland, then I’ll simply tell you that you’re wrong. It was not a decision he made neither lightly nor recklessly, and he had every right to retake his homes, does he not?”

He wasn’t expecting Zuo Ci to laugh and though it was soft, it was just as mocking to him. “I’m sorry. You’ll forgive me for finding it hard to believe that when you and your men are so confident that these lands here are yours as well. It hardly surprises me that you feel this way when I suspect it is your late lord’s doing in the first place.”

Oh, Lü Meng was seething, but all of it remained locked inside, squirreled away and waiting to be used as fuel later on. He couldn’t show just how deep his anger went and why it threatened to undo all of the training that he endured to keep his emotions under control. He suspected that the mystic knew it was there and sought to exploit it, and it only added fuel to his endeavor to contain himself. So, he took in a breath and considered his words with care, reigning his voice back into a careful neutral as though his slip up never occurred. Like Sun Ce had done, this man was goading him on, and he’d refuse the bait. He knew that Zuo Ci would likely just waltz into the memories anyway, but he was confident that his opponent, if he was considered one, would find nothing short of truth. “That is a topic we can debate later though admittedly I grow tired of. The matter with Wujun and my former lord’s decision to return to them, however, I’ll be more than happy to discuss with you instead. You are aware that the Sun family that I serve descended from Sun Tzu, correct?”

“I am aware.”

“Then you would know that he wrote the famed Art of War in those lands, and there were other details, proof that those lands were his to return to. Those that refused that proof and fought were in the wrong, simple as that. We gave them a chance to resolve the matter peacefully, just as we did here in Jing province several times before, and they refused it. Lord Sun Ce, nor Lord Quan, are warmongers.”

Zuo Ci’s eyes narrowed and he began to fade into the background, a familiar eeriness surrounding Lü Meng once more in warning. The rain that had once drizzled and soaked his armor shifted into a welcoming sweat, cooling his warmed skin and offering him something to combat the midday humidity that assaulted him and his training partner. “You speak with such confidence. Now let us see why…”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was hard to think five years had passed since the young Sun lord took him and his family into his service. Not that Lü Meng bothered to keep track of such things now, as though they were not at constant ends of one battle after another, he was kept busy with one thing or the other. More often than not, he found himself being pulled into either manual labor or training by his senior officers, neither of which he really minded. One gave him something to do to pass the time between the sometimes lengthy lulls in combat, and the other gave him the much needed training he’d need that apparently his lord felt that he and his men were missing out on. 

In truth, Lü Meng didn’t mind the training. In fact, he rather liked it! Day by day, he grew stronger, his endurance improved, and even he could tell that he had put on some much needed weight, finally filling in the armor without is sagging off of him. The physical activity of the training also helped to make the passage of time all the more tolerable. Sun Ce had said that the rigorous wasn’t so much as to improve his skills, but to stave off the madness that seemed to stalk his troops from the inactivity that their lord placed upon them.

Not that Lü Meng understood what any of that meant at first. He honestly didn’t understand a lot that was going on around him and he didn’t want to ask since he was absolutely certain that he was the only one that didn’t comprehend the tension that threatened to strangle the officers he had come to know and respect. They were restless, he once overheard from where he stood watch outside when his lord was at a meeting. They worried that their young lord would grow lazy and his claws would dull from where he writhered beneath Lord Yuan Shu’s shadow. None had really paid much attention to his young bodyguard to think to get his opinion on the matter, but if they asked if he felt that their lord was restless, he’d give them an honest answer. Painfully bored.

Sparring at essentially become a much needed pass time for Sun Ce and though he had many officers that he considered worthy opponents, most of the time he’d call upon his bodyguards instead. Said it was a good way to test their skills and keep them on their toes, though sometimes Lü Meng figured it was simply a spur of the moment idea and they were usually the quickest to find. Between himself and an older, more formidable man (whom he had to eavesdrop one time to even get his name, that being Zhou Tai), he was starting to think themselves to be his favorites, though he was certain that his lord must have favored Zhou Tai more. 

A former pirate and already seasoned in combat, Zhou Tai was quiet, intimidating, and thus far, Lü Meng had seen Sun Ce best him only a handful of times while he himself had yet to best him in a duel. His only relief, if one could consider it such, was that the former pirate never chided or bragged about his countless victories, nor did he ever put his opponents down. But then again, Zhou Tai barely said anything at all and gave off such an aura of complete indifference, so there was that. Better for there to be no feelings towards him than those of hate or disgust after his own experience with Yu Mao.

Even now, there was little emotion to be seen in that hawk-like face of his and had he not known him to be fiercely loyal to the Sun family, he’d feel unnerved by that glare alone. He reminded himself as he did at the start of all of their duels that it was only a spar and nothing more, and he snapped to attention just in time to block the strike aimed at his head. 

The loud ‘crack’ of the reinforced wood threatened to deafen him and it resonated throughout the barracks, letting any passerby know that Sun Ce’s boredom had reached its peak once again.

Zhou Yu watched the fight proceed for a bit before making his way deeper in, knowing better than to announce himself and giving the two dueling officers a wide enough berth as to not distract from Sun Ce’s entertainment, though by looking at the young lord, one would be hesitant to even call it that. The proud and energetic head of the renowned Sun family has half lounged on the chair, chin cupped in a supporting hand and watching with little interest. No, not quite that, Zhou Yu mused to himself. He seemed invested and deep in thought, but not directed at the fight taking place in front of him. So, the man closed in on his lord and childhood friend, certain that he’d hear him over the deafening cracks and shouts that rang through the air. “You don’t seem that enamored in your officer’s duel, Ce. You may want to be careful they don’t catch that. You’ll hurt Lü Meng’s feelings like that.”

Even his smile was delayed and though he was alert, he remained slouched in his seat, as if without a care in the world. “Oh, and why do you say that?”

“Because, like all of us, he works so hard to please you and wouldn’t want to feel that his lord is disappointed in him,” Zhou Yu said, coming to stand next to his lord and watching the fight with some interest. From this angle, he could see just how hard Lü Meng was trying, despite being at a clear disadvantage. It was admirable in a way, but it seemed useless. Zhou Tai simply could not be defeated in a duel. Lü Meng, unaware of his critical eye, gave the fight his all, going on the offensive and looking for any opening he could exploit, though Zhou Tai seldom left one. Those he did were sometimes a trap and having sported a welt the size of a ripe melon for a week, Lü Meng had grown weary of those ‘openings’. Zhou Yu noted his hesitation to the blatant openings that his opponent gave him and couldn’t help but comment to Sun Ce. “He seems to have caught on to Zhou Tai’s baits, at least.”

“If you knew how much Zhou Tai doesn’t hold back, you’d learn pretty quickly too. However, this is good.” Sun Ce gave a nod and he did seem more invested in the fight than a few moments ago. Now if it came from his chiding or having come from reaching a conclusion on his as of yet unspoken dilemma, Zhou Yu wasn’t sure, but he could always pry into the matter if need be. “Zhou Tai will probably win this one too, but it won’t be for Lü Meng’s lack of trying.”

“You don’t sound too confident in your bodyguard’s ability, Ce. You trust him to secure your life but not to defeat another in a duel?”

Now Sun Ce pulled his gaze from the fight and flashed Zhou Yu a knowing grin, in turn inflaming the strategist’s curiosity all the more. “I trust him with my life because of his fight and his single-minded focus on his task. Look at him, Yu. He may not have the skills or experience that Zhou Tai has, but he has spirit and determination to match what he lacks.”

Zhou Yu did as he was told. As he watched, he couldn’t help but see what his friend meant, but he still held onto his doubts. And of course, as he knew Sun Ce so well, he expressed his doubts, trying not to allow his own personal feelings towards the bodyguard that Sun Ce seem to favor to sour his words too much. “While heart and determination are good traits to have, when it comes to safeguarding your life, I’d prefer skill and experience, not to mention some intelligence to be able to access a situation, instead of just charging in with brute force and sheer dumb luck.”

Sun Ce’s laugh almost drowned out Lü Meng’s shout as he went for an opening and he just barely saved himself from a blow to the face when he swung the other end of his quarterstaff around to block Zhou Tai’s immediate counter. The loud crack brought all eyes to back to the fight, including that of Sun Ce’s, and his interests finally seemed to arrive, though late. The fight itself, however, never stalled and continued on, its intensity crackling through the air with even more fervor. “Oh, he’s picked up on his deadly counter at long last! Yu, I know you don’t think highly of him-”

“What an astute observation, my lord!” His soft, cultured voice dripped with sarcasm and any other who dared speak to Sun Ce in such a manner would have been reprimanded. With Zhou Yu, though, not only did he get away with it, but Sun Ce carried on as if he was never interrupted.

“But I think you’re being closed minded on his potential.”

“You say that when you expressed your doubts earlier?” Zhou Yu scoffed. “So he blocked an attack? Tell me why I should be impressed.”

“Because now he knows it can be done and knows to block where he previously didn’t. Soon, he’ll learn to counter it and he’ll be one step closer to the day he’ll beat Zhou Tai in a duel,” Sun Ce said, now having sat up straight and definitely interesting in the fight now. His gaze was upon his officers and yet he could feel his friend’s eyes upon him. “Look at him now and compare him to how he was fighting a few moments ago.”

Zhou Yu obliged and could not deny what his lord had seen nor what he could clearly see. “He does seem more confident than before.”

“And yet, he hasn’t let his success, as meager as it may be, get to his head. He’s still aware that Zhou Tai can go for the kill at any moment. So what if he’s not the best duelist? Fact is, he got heart and strives to succeed, and he’s learning, to top it all off. I happen to find that admirable.”

Zhou Yu could see all those points and could not help but smile, to see his lord was more observant than he had initially let on. These months of inactivity may have threatened to dull his claws, but at least his mind was still sharp and poised. He did see some of what Sun Ce had mentioned, but he remained skeptical, and with good reason. While Lü Meng had not allowed his success to fester into arrogance, he was allowing something else to act through him and he was quick to bring it up. His observations, as well as what he personally knew of the young bodyguard, would not allow him to do any less. “What about his temper? You find that to be an admirable trait?”

Another ear-splitting crack, another shout, and it was impossible to not notice Sun Ce’s wince. “I haven’t quite figured that much out yet, no. He does seem to wear his emotions out in the open, don’t he?”

“Only the negative ones I find. Right now, he’s frustrated and it’s starting to have an adverse effect on his form.” It was easy to see from where they watched and to those nearby could hear it in Lü Meng’s angered grunts and shouts. Zhou Yu didn’t need to say such but sadly he knew that Sun Ce may have been blind to this glaring flaw. After all, it was easy to overlook such things when one was guilty of such flaws themselves. And had it been Sun Ce out there getting heated, maybe he would have been more forgiving himself. “You should call off the fight before Lü Meng gets himself hurt.”

He could see his hesitation to do so but before he could repeat himself, Sun Ce relented with a sigh. He couldn’t blame him. To see someone on the verge of finally accomplishing their goal, only to be cut short before he could succeed. Perhaps Sun Ce felt he could win, but Zhou Yu simply knew better. Sun Ce’s hand rose and his shout was loud, strict and edge with authority, penetrating through the ruckus caused by the fight. “Alright, enough, both of you. At ease.”

A fear formed in Zhou Yu’s gut that Lü Meng would be too incensed to hear or obey his lord and he was more than eager to jump in, but he was surprised to see both combatants back down just as suddenly as the fight had started. Part of him felt disappointed to see Lü Meng surrender so quickly, but apparently he didn’t know the bodyguard as well as he thought he did. Perhaps he did have a brain in that skull of his, or more likely, Lü Meng simply focused his frustration through other means, such as his mouth. “Why?”

Zhou Yu wasn’t sure why he was expecting anything calm to come from the young man, and silently chided himself for it, as Sun Ce offered him an explanation. To give the young Sun lord credit, he hardly sounded intimidated in the wake of Lü Meng’s anger and were his ears fooling him or did Sun Ce sound rather jovial when he addressed his bodyguard? “It looked like you two were going to go all out and I didn’t want to risk either of my men getting hurt. What if I need you both later and you’re too exhausted and injured from practice to be of any use?”

“But my lord, I was so close!”

“You think so?” Sun Ce arched a brow and then looked to the taller of the two. “Zhou Tai, your opinion?”

The former pirate was definitely the better off of the two, though Zhou Yu could make out a gleam in his eyes, a hint of excitement despite being only slightly winded compared to his sparring partner. “Close, but not enough.”

Few were surprised by this assessment, but fewer still were surprised or could blame Lü Meng for expressing his frustration. He was going to snap and say something, but before he could, Sun Ce was quick to check him, never once raising his voice or allowing anything remotely sharp to edge his jovial tone, not the tone that his friend would have taken with the youth in his current state. “See, even Zhou Tai sees you’ve gotten close, but that’s enough for one day. I’ll need you both for your duties later, and besides, you wouldn’t want to wear yourselves out before Quan and the others show up, do you?”

And yet, for all of Zhou Yu’s doubts, there was some method to Sun Ce’s madness when it came to dealing with his officers. His friendly and encouraging words, as well as the mention of their incoming visitors, seemed to quell that rage in a heartbeat, and Lü Meng wasn’t the only one that brightened in response. Zhou Tai’s smile was subtle, but it was definitely there, as Lü Meng asked, “Will they be here soon, then, my lord?”

“With the way you’ve been shouting, I’m surprised they haven’t swarmed in here yet!” Sun Ce flashed his bodyguards a smile, never once alerting them to the set of eyes that loomed from the windows and doorway. By this time, they had tried sneaking in behind two officers, both of which were highly amused but were good sports about it. Zhou Yu spotted the small caravan immediately, however, and had applauded his friend for keeping Lü Meng distracted for as long as he could. 

Few things could get past the ever vigilant Zhou Tai, however. He was quick to spot them and his warning came mere seconds before two of the caravan broke off and hopped onto Lü Meng’s shoulders. “Incoming.”

“Speak of the devils,” Sun Ce said with a howling laugh, not at all concerned for the safety of the children and teenagers that began to overwhelm his young bodyguard, much to Zhou Yu’s dismay. “Quan, Shi Ran, careful with Lü Meng! You’re not so tiny anymore!”

Not that Lü Meng showed any strain in hefting the two of them up. Once he stood at his full height, though, though, they jumped off, sparing themselves a scolding as well as Lü Meng’s back. Zhou Yu was curious about the rapid shift in attitude that occurred within the bodyguard, but thankfully Sun Ce was more than happy to explain. “Works every time. Anytime I see his temper start to flare up, I either send to the stables to muck stalls and tend to the horses, or plan a visit with Quan and his classmates, and just like that he mellows out.”

Honestly, Zhou Yu was impressed and didn’t even try to hide it. “So, instead of using negative reinforcement, you counter with physical labor and a positive outlet. You’ve done well, Ce.”

“Took some experimenting, but it definitely works. He seems comfortable around horses and they usually don’t give him any lip when he grumbles to them, and when it comes to young ones, he turns into a cuddly panda bear.” Sun Ce smiled, but it wasn’t entirely of mirth, nor of cockiness to have Zhou Yu compliment him so. “Besides, it’s not just me. You should acknowledge that he’s changed because he does work hard.”

Zhou Yu was content to leave it at his compliment to Sun Ce, but for his friend to chide him like that made him bristle and he didn’t notice how Lü Meng glanced their way to see his borderline annoyed expression. “You must forgive me, Ce. You’ve had more time to be around him to notice such things, but I will take your word for it. Who would better know your bodyguards than the one he serves to protect with his life?”

Lü Meng was not entirely deaf to their conversation and he could catch bits and pieces, but in truth he was too invested in greeting young Quan and his friends to really care what his lord and his closest friend were discussing about him. “Lord Quan, you have grown! You’re almost as tall at me now. I’ll need to be careful or else you’ll tower over me and then how will I ever shield you?”

“You could climb on Zhou Tai’s shoulders!” Shi Ran said, pushing his way and making sure he was at the front of the brigade and not once seeming to notice or care that he was blocking the way for the younger and smaller ones. For his suggestion, he was rewarded with a pat on the head and reveled in the attention. Of course, Shi Ran pegged himself as everyone’s favorite and didn’t bother trying to hide it. “Lü Meng, we heard you fighting from a whole li away! Who won? It was you, wasn’t it?”

Lü Meng was hesitant to answer but one of the officers that walked in with the brigade was quick to spare him from answering and disappointing Shi Ran with the truth. “Both won, as both men fought their hardest and did not back down or expose their weakness to one another. With each duel, we grow stronger, wiser, as so long as you walk away from your battles alive, then that alone is a victory worth celebrating.”

The one that spoke was Ling Cao, a man that Lü Meng had grown an almost instant liking and respect to when he arrived in Sun Ce’s forces. He was a strong warrior, but surprisingly kind, despite his grizzled and scarred appearance, as though he wound he suffered only imbued more wisdom on him. When Sun Ce, Zhou Yu and Han Dang returned with Lü Meng and the new recruits that day five years ago, he stayed in the general’s home until he recovered enough of his strength and got his own family situated. Those days were brief in the grand scheme of things, but it left its impact on Lü Meng and Ling Cao’s son. Not content to allow Shi Ran to hog all of Lü Meng’s attention, the eight-year-old managed to take advantage of his small size and maneuvered around to where he could climb onto Lü Meng’s back. He crowed triumphantly from where he was perched on the bodyguard’s shoulder. “But you’re training him, Dad… so he should have won, if you spent all of those nights-“

“Tong, hush your mouth and get down from there. He is one of our lord’s personal guards, not a horse.”

It might not have been enough to spare the truth from coming out, but there came no immediate retaliation at least. As Ling Tong slid off, the other officer that joined them let out a loud and boisterous laugh, the sound booming and terrifying though Lü Meng would rather take a hit from Zhou Tai in a duel than admit that it startled him. Huang Gai had a way of making his presence known and it had conflicting results from others as some of the children practically shifted like nervous stallions in a storm. “Well, now he’s a babysitter, but don’t worry. This lot won’t give him any more trouble than our lord already does.”

“Hey! I don’t think I give my bodyguards that much trouble.”

“One would have to have battles to fight in order for your bodyguards to be of real use, I think,” Zhou Yu said, whatever soured his mood before seeming to have been cast aside for the time being, despite the sting of what Lü Meng suspected was almost a backhanded compliment in his direction. Despite the affection he received from the teens and children around him, he couldn’t help but suspect that not everyone here liked him, and he never thought that Zhou Yu would be the type to hold anything against him. What had he done to earn his ire, he wondered. Before it could fester and spoil his good mood, though, Zhou Yu was eager to draw the attention of not just his lord but his officers as well. “My lord, Ling Cao, Huang Gai, myself and others would like to have a few words with you if you have a moment.”

Sun Ce was quick to oblige and looked to his bodyguards. “Now’s a good a time as any. Zhou Tai, with me. Lü Meng, I trust that you can hand your new charges for a bit?”

It was more of a request than an order, but one that Lü Meng was happy to obey. Even when his curiosity grew within his mind as to what they’d be discussing. What would they want to discuss? And why was Zhou Tai allowed to attend? All questions and no answers came to his mind at the moment. “Not a problem at all, my lord.”

“Don’t worry, Lü Meng,” said Ling Cao, patting him on the shoulder as Sun Ce, Zhou Yu and Huang Gai migrated to the entryway. Zhou Tai lingered but Lü Meng’s attention was on Ling Cao and the young lady he motioned to. “You’ll have Lady Lianshi to help you with this one. She’ll keep the princess in line so that you can focus on the boys.”

Now Lü Meng was surprised and wondered how he had managed to miss the young princess among the group when she spoke so loudly and with heated purpose. Sun Shangxiang huffed, despite Lianshi’s efforts to reign her back in. “Nuh uh! I’m staying with my brother and the rest of them! I don’t need to be treated special or any different just because I’m a girl!”

“It’s okay, you don’t look or act any different from the rest anyway, so I wouldn’t know the difference,” Lü Meng said, not really thinking about his words or how they came out, so when Shangxiang’s eyes widened and anger flashed in them, he was curious as to what caused such a reaction. As Shi Ran, Ling Tong and some of the other boys laughed, he retreated his gaze to Lianshi in hopes of sparing himself from the princess’s wrath. “I welcome your company, Lady Lianshi. You and the princess both.”

“It’s my pleasure, Lü Meng.” Lianshi flashed him a polite smile, as if sensing his silent distress and seeking to quell it with her aura alone. She was calm, polite, sweet but strict from what he had known of her. Such a drastic difference from her own charge, but a welcomed one for Lü Meng. Given how easily he seemed to offend Shangxiang, he had a feeling he’d be looking to her for some much needed guidance on this endeavor. 

“Zhou Tai.”

Sun Ce’s calling did more than alert the former pirate in question and Lü Meng turned to see why his colleague hesitated. That was when he noticed how Zhou Tai and his lord’s brother were discussing something in near solitude away from them. Another mystery but one he was certain that he’d never solve, at least not from Zhou Tai himself. At Sun Ce’s beckoning, Zhou Tai whispered something to Sun Quan, gave a blink-and-you-miss smiles, then turned on his heel and was at Sun Ce’s side, so fast that one swore he ever fell behind at all.

Now, it was just Lü Meng, Lianshi, and the youths, and whatever his lord and his officers were going to discuss would eventually reveal itself when it was ready. His curiosity was present, yes, but he knew better than to allow himself to be too distracted, especially with the likes of Shi Ran and Ling Tong to monitor.

~*~*~

“Lü Meng, Lü Meng, do that thing!”

Sun Ce was right to call off the duel when he did, because it was clear that the young ones were being exceptionally active today. While Sun Quan and Shi Ran were growing into fine young men, they still had an abundance of energy, and apparently the two of them were instigators of the constant barrage of feats. He did not need anything more than ‘the thing’ to know what Quan wanted and he let out a snicker, turning his head to face the younger Sun lord and not once getting distracted or letting Sun Shangxiang come close to hitting him as they ‘dueled’. He had to admit that her tenacity was something to admired and he suspected a blow would hurt like hell, but he managed to fair better against her than he had against Zhou Tai earlier (though truly, that was nothing to brag about) as he addressed her brother. “You still like that? Didn’t our lord request we stop doing that?”

He remembered the event though vaguely, and perhaps it was wrong of him to put such faith in the young teen to give him a straight answer. Sun Quan flashed him a pleading look and what else could Lü Meng do but want to give in? “I don’t recall such a request. Please, Ling Tong and Shangxiang hasn’t seen it yet!”

Sun Quan didn’t have to do much to twist Lü Meng’s arm and he found himself relenting. “I’d love to, but that’ll depend on if Princess Shangxiang doesn’t break the quarterstaff, or our fingers. Ease up a little, Princess.”

Shangxiang gave it one more hearty ‘whack’ but both held fast and she let out a sigh, handing the quarterstaff back to Lü Meng. By now, Shi Ran, Ling Tong and the rest of the now curious young ones flocked around them. “Those are strong, but I prefer a bow anyways.”

“Me too!” Shi Ran said. “We should have a contest one day, Princess.”

Ling Tong tugged at Lü Meng’s sleeve as the bodyguard expected the quarterstaffs for their durability. Wouldn’t do him good if they snapped! “Lü Meng, are you good with a bow?”

“No, afraid not.” He openly admitted. He wanted to play it off as a joke and he hoped to dissuade them from questioning him any further by displaying something he was good at. “Alright, so let’s see. Princess Shangxiang, you grab onto this end, and Ling Tong, you get this one.”

The two were curious and eager to oblige, but before they could move into position, Sun Quan protested. “But they’re so small, Lü Meng! I know you can lift heavier people!”

“Yeah, why don’t you do Quan and me first?” Shi Ran joined in, not at all content to let anyone go before in sans Sun Quan. Then his eyes lit up with an idea and Lü Meng was certain he wouldn’t like it before he even said a word! “Oh, do all four of us! Two on each end to balance it out!”

“Uh…” Admittedly, Lü Meng wasn’t the brightest person in the room, but he could not ignore the feeling in his gut when Shi Ran made that suggestion. “That doesn’t sound like…”

“That’s a great idea! Why don’t you do that, Lü Meng?” And yet, any chance that Lü Meng might have had to protest was stripped from his very being, as Quan was more than eager to have the feat done. And it certainly didn’t help when others chimed in, eager to see the feat done and to be a part of it. Once again, Lü Meng suspected he was being goaded on, but what else could he do? When Sun Quan turned to him again, he knew there was no way he could say no, not without looking both weak and cowardly. And Lü Meng knew that he was neither.

“Alright then. Princess, you and Shi Ran get on this end. And you, Lord Quan and Ling Tong, you get on this one. We’ll take turns for the next round, alright? Hang onto the ends tightly. Now, get into position and when I give the signal, tuck your legs in and hang on tight.”

They flocked to their positions, with Ling Tong and Shangxiang looking to Shi Ran and Sun Quan for guidance. Lianshi immediately objected and her concern was a good countenance to the excited murmurs of the rest. “Lü Meng, I’m not sure you should do this. I don’t think the quarterstaffs will hold their weight, and Quan’s a little heavier than Shi Ran. Won’t that effect the balance?”

All good objections, but Quan was quick to silence the naysayer before Lü Meng even had a chance to consider her warning. “Lü Meng’s done this plenty of times.”

“And he’s strong. He can totally do this!” Shi Ran said, equally confident and looking ready to wet himself with excitement as he cheered the bodyguard on. “We’re ready, Lü Meng!”

“I’ll be careful, Lady Lianshi.” Lü Meng flashed her a smile, showing nothing but confidence in hopes of quelling her probably well-justified concerns. In truth, while he suspected that the quarterstaffs might snap, he didn’t consider the balance problem, but if he raised any objections, he’d have his hands full with several disappointed teenagers and children. Once they were in position, he brought the quarterstaffs over his neck and shoulders, finding the perfect angle and once he did, he squatted his knees and wriggled his shoulders. He was getting a good feel of the weight and bracing himself, trying not to let the doubt that Lianshi’s objection gnaw at his brain. Shi Ran was right and he’s lifted heavier objects before, but he dared not make the young ones wait a moment longer. He let out a breath and gave the signal. “And… now!”

All four youths swept their feet beneath them in almost perfect unison and all of their combined weight came crashing down on Lü Meng at once. He had told himself that he was strong, but for a brief moment, he began to doubt that. His knees buckled beneath him and his shoulders immediately protested this new burden, but he caught himself from dropping to his knees. He immediately tried to figure out the balance and pushed against the weight, not at all hearing the surprised cheers from the ones around him or Lianshi’s started gasp, as all of his attention was allocated to keeping the dangling youths from touching the ground. He held his breath and strained, hating to admit that Lianshi may have been correct. Sun Quan was simply too heavy and threatened to throw off his balance if he dared push up, but Quan cheered him on. Unaware of how much the bodyguard struggled, the young Sun lord urged him on, and the joy in his voice was enough to cancel out whatever doubts he had or what sense Lianshi tried to instill in him. “Higher, Lü Meng! Higher!”

What choice did he have? He could no more disobey an order from Sun Quan than he could for his own lord, and so, with strength he was absolutely certain he had and was desperate for, he began to straighten his legs and push himself up. It was like pressing a horse! A great, unbalanced and kicking with all of its might horse! His chest screamed for air, his muscles begged for him to release the burden, but the excited cheers from the children… they drowned out everything. Fears, doubts, self-preservation, all of it was silent in lieu of the joy he heard from the ones around him. So, he pushed himself, standing against the weight and pushing his living weights higher and higher. A little more, a little more, and-

SNAP!


	8. Interlopers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng and Shi Ran find themselves in a bit of a pickle...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

One or both of the quarterstaffs snapped from the weight and Lü Meng scrambled to recover. Down each of the youths went and he managed to drop to his knees and caught the smallest boy, Ling Tong, on his thigh. Shi Ran managed to land on his feet and Lianshi caught Shangxiang and broke her fall splendidly. From the corner of his eyes, Lü Meng watched in barely contained horror, as Sun Quan fell backwards, but Zhou Tai swooped out of seemingly nowhere and caught the young lord before any harm could come to him. Only then did Lü Meng let out a shaky breath, and just like that, the rest of the world caught up with him.

“Lü Meng! What in heaven’s name were you even thinking? You knew those staffs wouldn’t hold that weight!”

The one to jump on him was not his lord but Zhou Yu, a feat that surprised no one and when he closed the distance between them, Lü Meng squared his shoulders and braced for a strike that didn’t come. The one that was cuffed, however, was Quan, as Sun Ce turned his own attention to his younger brother, successfully drowning out Zhou Yu’s lecture with his own. “Quan, I told you to stop taxing my bodyguards like that! Now you’ve gone and broke two perfectly good quarterstaffs and could have seriously injured Lü Meng and the others!”

As Sun Quan struggled with words, Lü Meng stepped in and around Zhou Yu and tried to speak for the younger brother’s defense without angering Sun Ce or Zhou Yu. “My lord, forgive me, it was my doing. Lady Lianshi warned me not to-“

But Sun Ce cut him off, giving him a stern look that warned the young bodyguard to not dare speak out of turn again. By now, Ling Cao and the other generals had returned and watched in silence as Sun Ce disciplined his younger brother. “Quan, you are getting older and you’ll be taking on more responsibilities, and one of which is knowing the limitations of your fellow officers. Lü Meng could have broken his back or really injured himself, and what for? A game? You shouldn’t push your officers so or you’ll risk losing them. Do you understand?”

“Yes, brother…” It was unclear whether Sun Quan did understand or if he was merely speaking to appease Sun Ce’s anger, but it was enough to draw the heat away from him for the moment.

“As for you, Lü Meng…”

Now Lü Meng grew sick and dared not let anyone else see just how much he dreaded his lord’s incoming lecture. Zhou Yu backed away and Lü Meng was too caught up in his own dilemma to see if he wore a smug grin or not. Yu Mao would have- was Zhou Yu to be his Yu Mao now? Sun Ce was suddenly in front of him and any other thought he had simply fled his mind now. “Yes, my lord. I’m prepared for any punishment you deem fit.”

He sounded so much braver than he felt and he knew that if anyone there could see right through him, it’d be his lord. He was angry, angrier than he ever recalled seeing him in the five years he served under him, and his anger was clear as the sun in the sky. In lieu of that anger, he tried to make himself seem small, a grand feat considering he stood taller than his lord since his last and presumably final growth spurt. This did him no good, it seemed, as his anger seemed to intensify. “And there’s the problem, isn’t it? You are totally content to allow anyone to walk over you, despite what it does to you. You should have told him no, Lü Meng, because you knew that the staffs would snap after Lianshi warned you, right?”

He was terribly confused and he could do nothing to hide it. So, he chose not to for now. “Yes, sir, I mean, I thought they might, but I would have done it anyways.”

“And why is that? To make Quan happy? As an officer, you’re going to have to stand your ground and learn to check or question your superior officers, especially if you know they’re going to do something that will put their life or another’s in danger.”

It did nothing for his confusion and now the bodyguard was hesitant to say anything. Once he found his words, he chose to be honest again and he knew the inflection in his voice wouldn’t do him any justice as he probed his lord for verification. “But my lord, wouldn’t that be insubordination?”

“No, it’s only when you deliberately disobey an order, like Quan did,” Sun Ce said, casting a glance at Sun Quan and making the youth flinch. After that, however, his anger softened, though there was a hint of frustration to take its place. Lü Meng wasn’t sure why he looked so disappointed or why Ling Cao and Huang Gai were grinning behind their lord. What did he miss? What didn’t he understand? “Questioning your superior officer when you think they’re going down a path you know it dangerous, either physically or politically, is what is expected of a good officer. Sometimes you have to act as their eyes and ears, and sometimes their brains, like Lianshi did. You can’t just follow blindly and expect anyone to take you serious as an equal in this army.”

“I…” Lü Meng wondered which would have been worse for him, to ask further what Sun Ce mean and thus show his ignorance, or proclaiming he understood and made a liar out of himself. Neither were really good solutions and both could have backfired horrendously. What confused him was that Sun Ce had said ‘good officer’, when he knew he was no more than a bodyguard, but he was too filled with doubt to want to risk blatantly show off his confusion. So, he yielded to simply accepting his lord’s advice and hoped it’d be enough and that he’d figure it out later. “Yes, my lord. I’ll keep that in mind. I apologize my misconduct.”

Sun Ce let out a sigh and Lü Meng almost wanted to panic. It was never a good sign when his lord sighed like that! It seemed that he would have Ling Cao to thank, though, as he was quick to draw his lord’s attention away from the confused bodyguard for the moment. “Lord Sun, don’t worry. We’ll have enough time to fill him in. Neither he nor Lord Quan are beyond help and learn from this in due time.”

“You’re volunteering to explain his new duties to him along the way then, general?”

The scar that accented the veteran’s lip became all the more noticeable when he smiled and it threatened to push Lü Meng into madness if someone didn’t just tell him what was going on soon. “I am, my lord. It will leave you open to to handle your own matters and I wouldn’t mind the extra hand in dealing with Ling Tong’s training. He’d have more use for a babysitter than you, my lord.”

“Then make it so, Ling Cao.”

There were no objections to the matter and none there looked more pleased than Zhou Yu, as he failed to hide his smile even as he bowed his head. “Very well, then, it seems settled. My lord, would you kindly inform your former bodyguard of what’s going on? We wouldn’t want that confused expression to stick to his face forever.”

That hurt more than anything Yu Mao threw at him, but Lü Meng refused to allow his snarl to escape his throat. How much longer would he have to be mocked? Not much longer, as Sun Ce immediately intervened. “I will once you remove that barbed edge in your tone, Zhou Yu. Take it easy on him. He didn’t grow up around you to build a taste or an immunity for your snark.”

Whatever issue Zhou Yu may have had with him may forever be a mystery, but at least his lord was not willing to turn a blind eye as Deng Dang and others had before. And where Yu Mao might have scowled and sneered, Zhou Yu wore something of a startled look and a rather believable apologetic smile as he bowed… to Sun Ce, not sparing a single bit of it for the man he openly insulted. “I’m sorry, my lord. I will endeavor to speak in a more coddling tone, if it should suit you?”

There were unspoken words between the two, and one had to be deaf or dumb, or maybe a little naive to not hear the downright mockery in Zhou Yu’s smooth, cultured voice. Lü Meng heard it and he was certain that others did as well, but thankfully no one laughed at his expense. Sun Ce eventually shook his head and waved his friend off, before addressing his bodyguard- no, _former_ bodyguard, Zhou Yu had said, didn’t he? “Lü Meng, from this day forward, you will no longer be a part of my personal guard. You will be an officer and thus work your way up the ranks. Ling Cao here will help your transition, but I’m sure you’ll pick up on it well enough. So congratulations, Lü Meng, you’ll be an officer of my own army. Do me proud!”

It was a lot to take in, and he was certain that he didn’t get all of it in. Yes, absolutely certain he didn’t understand it fully, but Sun Ce and others were smiling. Even Zhou Yu wa smiling, though he doubted its authenticity. But it had to be a good thing, right? He saluted his lord, cupping his balled fist in his hand and bowing at the waist, despite himself, despite not knowing just what he was getting himself into. “I will not let you down, Lord Sun Ce!”

~*~*~

 

“Meng, Meng, wake up!”

“I was never asleep to begin with.” Tried as he might, Lü Meng could hold no anger for Yenji for resorting to shaking him. After all, he eyes were closed and his breathing was a trained softness, meant to give the appearance of sleep but hiding a fully awake and conscious bodyguard. No, not a bodyguard anymore. Soldier. Officer. Promoted, apparently. No, he was too excited to sleep and old habits did now all for him to have the luxury of rest. However, the day’s events and his recent promotion left him dead to the world, a terrible spot to be in for a sentinel, but thankfully, it wasn’t his concern any longer. So, he opened his eyes and looked at his sister, curious as to why she was even up. “Yes, Yenji?”

His sister looked disheveled and tired and not to mention cranky, but all things considered, she had every right to be. Whoever woke her up had also woke her three year old daughter and when little Mailing was pulled from her sleep, nothing short of snuggling against her mother’s bosom would calm her. Lü Meng pulled himself up and tread carefully around his slumbering nephew that laid next to him, moaning softly at the loss of his pillow but succumbing to sleep before they feared another child to tend to. Yenji pointed to the window with her nose and her annoyance could not be masked when she whispered. “Shi Ran’s outside and he won’t go away unless you talk to him. Go before I throw a shoe at him.”

Lü Meng moved to the window with purpose, more curious as to what would have brought the teen out in the night than appeasing Yenji’s wrath. At first he couldn’t spot the youngster, but it’d only be a matter of time before he’d reveal himself. It was still dark. What would Shi Ran want to talk to him about so late at night? He called out in a terse whisper, letting Shi Ran know better than to fool around with him now. “Shi Ran, I’m here. What do you need?”

Yes, need, because no one would seek him out in the middle of the night because they wanted to, he told himself. A few seconds passed with only chirping crickets to fill the silence, but eventually, Shi Ran poked his head over the window sill, his sly grin would have been a welcome sight had he not managed to wake up Yenji and his niece and thus put Lü Meng in a terrible spot. “Can you meet me in the stables?”

“What is this about?”

“Come on, not here with your scary sister standing behind you.”

He didn’t need Shi Ran to tell him that as he could feel her eyes drilling into him like arrow points. And still, he could not help but sympathize with both the youth and his sister. One had something important to discuss with him, he hoped, and the other just wanted to have a full night’s rest for once! “She’s not scary, she’s tired. Now get going. I’ll see you there.”

What he should have done was just tell Shi Ran to just go and allow whatever he wanted to discuss with him to wait, but now he was entirely too curious to not know. Not that he would sleep any time soon anyways. “I’ll be quiet coming back in,” he said to Yenji, giving his unruly niece a kiss on the forehead in hopes of helping sooth her and leaving before anymore trouble could brew in their shared home.

“You better, or I’ll leave her with you tomorrow.”

It was hardly a threat but he learned not to tell her a thing, lest she come up with a real punishment instead. Hours passed and already he was feeling his shoulders tense from his failed feat from earlier in the day, and he hoped none of that pain spilled over into his voice as he called out to Shi Ran the moment he entered the stables. “So, you wanted to talk? Talk.”

He gave a nod to the guard out of courtesy, and though there was a only a single lantern lit, he could see well enough into the stables to make out every horse and stall. He spotted Shi Ran standing next to Sun Ce’s favored white stallion, making up for waking the horse from its slumber by offering it a tender stroke of its neck, and despite having just woken his sister and niece, he seemed willing to keep his voice low now. Perhaps wiling up the horses in the dead of night would have proved more disastrous and not to mention attracted unwanted attention, so he was willing to let it pass. “Sorry about waking your family, but Quan really wanted me to relay the message as soon as possible and you know how I don’t like to let others down.”

Lü Meng arched a dark brow and only grew even more curious now. Shi Ran didn’t want to see him, but Sun Quan? “Lord Quan has a message for me? Why isn’t he here himself?”

“He can’t, not at the moment anyways. Zhou Tai’s been reassigned to him now and you know Zhou Tai well by now to know that he wouldn’t allow his charge out of his sights.”

This surprised the young officer and he wore a terrible poker face. He didn’t realize that Zhou Tai had been reassigned. In the confusion that followed after his failed feat, the scolding that he suffered and then the promotion, he couldn’t focus too much on what else was discussed or if there was anything left for discussion at all. Obviously there was. “I didn’t know he was reassigned.”

“You wouldn’t have. Our lord made the decision after we were all dismissed. Sun Quan was just as surprised as you are, by the looks of it.”

“I hope our lord will be safe then,” Lü Meng said, unable to hide the concern from his voice. Should he even be concerned now? Being that he was no longer a bodyguard? He steeled himself and chased away any doubt he might have felt in even asking that. Of course he should. Sun Ce was still his lord and he was a loyal officer, one that would gladly give his life for him. “Anyway, what did Lord Quan want to tell me?”

That snapped Shi Ran back into focus, giving the horse one last parting scratch before pulling away to stand in front of Lü Meng. “Oh, right, the message. I wouldn’t make a good errand boy. Here.”

He reached into his coat sleeve and produced a letter, not at all noticing the horror that screamed in silence in Lü Meng’s green eyes thanks to the low light in the stables. Despite this, Lü Meng accepted the letter and opened it, keeping his eyes cast downward in fear that Shi Ran would see how his eyes danced across the parchment but didn’t comprehend the characters before him, that he could see the bold marks of the brush but knew near to nothing in their meaning. Moments passed and the words did not make anymore sense than they did when he first looked at them, and what was worse was that now Shi Ran was growing impatient. “Well? What’s is say?”

“I’m not sure.” Lü Meng did not mean to sound so terse, but it seemed inevitable. He pondered if he should have just been straight with the youth and told the truth and be done with it. But after the scolding and humiliation that he suffered today, he found he didn’t care much for the taste. So, he did something he never thought he’d do. He lied. “The light’s too dim and my eyes are tired. Makes it hard to read.”

And Shi Ran, never the wiser, extended a hand to him. “I’ll read it for you then.”

Lü Meng blinked back his surprise and couldn’t help but question Shi Ran. “What if it’s a personal matter, though?”

Shi Ran shrugged and made grabbing motions with his hand now. “Then I’ll force myself to forget it. You can trust me, right?”

Now that was something he had no doubt in. For better or for worse, he did trust him and most everyone he had met in Sun Ce’s ranks, and so without further reservation he passed him the letter. To see Shi Ran just breeze through it so easily was definitely a blow to his ego but he dared not utter a word, lest he give his handicap away. No one needed to know that Lü Meng, peasant born and stowaway to war, couldn’t read or write…

“It reads as this. ‘Lü Meng, I was informed by my brother to send a formal letter of apology for abusing my status and so I will do so soon. This letter is my informal one. Truly I am sorry I overtaxed you and know that I hold no grudge or ill feelings over the affairs, and I hope the same can be said for you. Signed, Sun Quan.’”

Lü Meng waited a moment and assumed that there was nothing left of the letter’s content. Still, he asked, just in case. “That all? Seemed an awful lot of characters for that.”

“Pretty much. There’s some filler stuff, you know, dates, titles, some fancy stuff that he’s probably put in out of habit. It’s mostly to appease any nobility we write to and like I said, probably just added it out of habit.”

Lü Meng was content, at least. To have some sort of apology even if it was unnecessary was enough to quell any qualms he had, or was suppose to have, according to Sun Quan and his older brother. “Thank you, Shi Ran. He’s going to want a reply to his letter, though, won’t he?”

“Mostly likely, yep. It’s why I brought some parchment and ink.” And just like that, Shi Ran was handing them to him. Lü Meng stared down at them as though he was being handed a snake and Shi Ran’s curiosity got the better of him. “What’s wrong?

“I’m not… the… uh… best when it comes to…”

“Writing? Oh, are your hands injured from the incident earlier?”

“Afraid so.” Lü Meng was so ashamed of himself, to readily admit to an injury he didn’t have instead of simply admitting the truth. It was strange, to be preferred to be seen as momentarily crippled than illiterate. 

“No matter, I’ll write it for you.” And Shi Ran, ever eager to please, was more than happy to assist, getting right to work without Lü Meng even needing to ask. He moved to the table and flashed Lü Meng an imploring look once everything was ready. “Well, go on. Should I do the customary greetings, or more casual? You know what, given your rank, I’ll go with super informal. You don’t want to risk setting off the wrong people with that kind of stuff.”

“Ah, thanks, Shi Ran. You’re much too kind. Just tell him that his apology is appreciated, but unnecessary. All is forgiven.”

Shi Ran brushed out the words with such ease and finesse that Lü Meng swore he was mocking him and within a few moments, he was once again looking at him expectedly. When Lü Meng said nothing, he urged him on. “What else?”

“What else is there to say?”

Lü Meng wasn’t sure what else he could say, but at least Shi Ran was willing to leave it at that. “Straight to the point! Okay, I’ll add a respectful ending and that’ll be fine. I’ll get this to him immediately, so that he can sleep better tonight.”

“Thank you again…I didn’t realize I was causing him some discomfort at all.” The former bodyguard mumbled, turning away and allowing Shi Ran to work without distraction. All in all, it wasn’t too bad and at least he managed to get Shi Ran off his scent for the moment. He’d just have to hope that there wouldn’t be a next time. “Shi Ran, would I have to do this a lot as an officer?”

“Periodically. The higher the rank or political status, the more you’ll be expected to handle these kind of things. Tallying supplies, equipment, writing edicts and reports, issuing orders, you know, those sort of things.”

“And men of war? Like, those who strictly fight?”

Now this piqued Shi Ran’s interests but not enough to arouse his suspicions. He blew on the ink and give it time to dry as he considered the question, and his answer seemed genuine enough. “Well, not to the extent of state officials or strategists, I suppose. Not sure why anyone would want to do just that, but I guess not everyone has what it takes to ascend the ranks.”

“Maybe some people just like to keep it simple,” Lü Meng said, some malice leaking into his gruff voice despite his best efforts and he sought to change the subject before Shi Ran could wise up to him. “I cannot thank you enough, Shi Ran. You should probably head back home now before your uncle finds you out here.”

Shi Ran flashed him a snide grin and scoffed at the very notion, not at all worried about his uncle. “Old man won’t catch me this time! You worry too much.”

“Or just enough. Good nigh-”

His time as a bodyguard had offered him some habits and tricks and his ears, always attuned to his surroundings, caught the sound of booted feet hitting dirt, and in a rapid manner. Not running, but their pace was brisk and hurried. They, because there were at least two people approaching. “We’re about to have company.”

Shi Ran let out a ‘yikes’ and immediately darted back into the stall, grabbing onto Lü Meng’s arm and pulling him along with him. ‘So much for not being afraid of his uncle,’ Lü Meng thought to himself, all the while resisting the urge to smile. No, he wouldn’t tease the boy for his scurried panic-- being caught chatting in the stables would have raised suspicions and likely started rumors. He may not have much of a reputation to concern himself with for the moment, but he knew Shi Ran’s to be vital and for his sake, he joined the teen in hiding. The white stallion did not so much as protest the sudden visitors but grew curious and Lü Meng placed a comforting hand over his fuzzy muzzle, quelling its fidgeting with a familiar scent. The moment the horse settled down and they were crouched in the stall, the mystery men all but stormed in and they didn’t have to wait long to know who they were hiding from, as Sun Ce’s voice threatened to startle not just his own but the rest of the horses. “Now you just wait a minute, Yu.”

“Keep your voice down.” Zhou Yu countered the flames that licked the air with ice, but that did not make his tone any less deadly than Sun Ce’s. “You’ll wake the horses and thus your men.”

Their lord let out a growl but did make a conscience effort to watch his volume, as the next outburst was considerably softer, though still potent with barely contained anger. “Fine, fine. But seriously. I thought everything went as you wanted it to go today, so I don’t see why you’re acting like this.”

“Acting like what, my lord?”

Oh yes, Zhou Yu was definitely livid despite how sweet and coaxing his voice could be. Lü Meng wasn’t sure exactly how he knew or if it was his own suspicions of the man getting the better of him, but he wasn’t at all fooled by the honey in his tone. And neither was Sun Ce, for that matter. “Don’t play dumb. That’ll never work for you. You’re acting like I’m intentionally scorning you or something, and what for? Because of him?”

There was movement outside the stall and the two interlopers had tried to scuttle in deeper. Thankfully their movements were masked by Zhou Yu’s icy retort. “And are you not? You’re babying him and it’s unbecoming of you.”

“No I’m not. I don’t think I’m treating him any different from the rest of my men. I treat him like he’s a human being, like I’m suppose to.”

Lü Meng felt someone nudge him and he drew his gaze to Shi Ran. The teen mouthed the words ‘who’ when he looked at him. Lü Meng had a feeling as to who they were talking about but he wasn’t willing to make a guess, should he be wrong and risk looking vain or paranoid. He shook his head and placed a finger over his lips. It was already bad enough they were eavesdropping on his lord and him NOT be on duty while doing so like the other times. It’d be disastrous if they got caught. 

“Oh? So bringing him into your personal guard instead of simply enlisting him as a soldier, as is customary, that’s not favoring him?”

‘Yep. Definitely me.’ The guilty party shrunk deeper into his hiding spot when Shi Ran flashed him a dubious look. Sensing his distress, the horse snorted and sought to move ahead when that warm, comforting hand began to drift out of reach. Lü Meng kept his head low, certain that he couldn’t handle anymore embarrassment tonight that was sure to come his way, so he kept close enough to the horse to keep it quiet. ‘This is going to go horribly.’

“You’re still going on about that? It’s been, what, five years? I’ll explain it you again for the hundredth time. I made him my bodyguard to keep an eye on him and monitor him. See what talents he might have and how best to utilize him in my army.” Sun Ce sounded exasperated. How many times did these two go over the matter, Lü Meng wondered. It had to be a lot, obviously, to get his lord so worked up. Then, of course, that meant that he was the cause of a lot of arguments for his lord and that only made him wish to shrink away even more, even when his lord took such a bold defense for him. “You’re the one that keeps thinking there’s more to it than that. How many more times will I have to explain myself to you before you’ll let it be?”

“Until I’m convinced you’re telling me the full truth, but I’m willing to let it go for the time being. After all, he is no longer part of your personal guard.”

“Right, by -your- recommendation, by the way. So why are you still so prickly about it?”

It was a good question but Lü Meng was certain he wanted nothing to do with it. He wanted to think that the reason his lord gave him was the truth. He didn’t want to think it was all just to appease Zhou Yu and whatever apparent disgust he held for him. But he could not ignore them or block them out now. “Because honestly I don’t think he’s ready, nor do I see any good coming out of him, not without some serious work. He’s brash-”

“He’s young.”

“He’s quick-tempered.”

To that, Sun Ce snorted, mimicking his horse almost perfectly. “So am I and you tend to find that charming.”

“He’s killed a soldier to mocking him about his age.” There was absolutely no mirth or humor to be found in Zhou Yu’s voice as it was more desolate than any desert Lü Meng could imagine.

“You harp on that and yet you are continuously taking shots at him. You’re baiting him and get upset when he reacts. Where’s the logic in that?”

“Someone has to make sure he doesn’t lose himself again, and I figured it may as well be me, seeing as you insist on coddling him.” And yet, there was no victory on either side and the last round lead to a momentary ceasefire. All the while, there may not have been humor in Zhou Yu’s soft, cultured voice, despite his words against him, and it only served to further confuse Lü Meng. How could someone who apparently despised him speak of him in such a calm and collected manner? He felt insulted and confused, a terrible combination for any man to feel. At least his suspicions were correct and that the senior officer was intentionally flinging insults upon him, but that did not make him feel any better. Only worse. “Thus far, he’s managed to keep his head, but I’ve been holding back. I’ll have to push him a little harder to see-”

“You’ll do no such thing.” The Sun lord snapped and his voice left no room for argument. “First of all, it’s an order, and secondly, despite what you think, he’s changed. You may not have noticed, but that’s because you haven’t been around him as often as I have since we picked him up. You watched him earlier today, didn’t you?”

“What I saw was a brash and overly passionate young man nearly lose his head during a duel that could have ended poorly, and then later on, nearly injure your siblings and his classmates with his reckless behavior.”

Something happened and both Lü Meng and Shi Ran were surprised to see them fall into view now. Sun Ce stepped forward and grabbed Zhou Yu’s shoulders and they feared for the strategist’s life, though it was for naught. There was no anger, no rage within the Sun lord, but his voice was edged with frustration, the sound of it making Lü Meng squirm. His lord didn’t need to stick up for him like this… “And did he? Okay, so he was close to snapping, but he managed to reign it back in, even before Quan showed up. And I’ll admit, he displayed poor judgement there, but he’s been scolded, and he’ll learn.” And then, to undermine everything, he muttered with a hint of a laugh. “I hope. But he’s getting better and he can only continue to get better. You’re not giving him a chance. You’ve seen the improvement, but you chose not to see it simply because you’re jealous.”

Shi Ran threatened to give them away with a gasp but he managed to throw both hands over his mouth, stifling whatever noise did manage to escape his lips. Lü Meng wanted to cast a fierce glare at the youth but he simply couldn’t bring himself to move, or blink, or even breathe. What did Sun Ce mean? Jealous? Of whom? Why would Zhou Yu, or anyone, be jealous? The strategist was quick to dismiss the notion and the interlopers watched as Zhou Yu managed to free himself from Sun Ce’s touch without hardly moving at all. “You were the one that reigned him back in the first place, and you more scolded Quan for pressuring him into doing it and less for Lü Meng. But if you seem confident that he’s improved, then I’ll leave the matter be. As for that last bit? Hardly. There is nothing he has that I desire, Ce, and that’s a rather cheap shot coming from you.”

“He has my attention, right? Or had. Sometimes that’s enough to make you flare up like a peacock.”

Zhou Yu turned away and had he not been seething, he might have spotted either of the two within the stall and they grew deathly still. Neither one wished to be caught, especially now, when the tension threatened to constrict even tighter and crush the air within their lungs. Lü Meng couldn’t breathe- he was too mortified to breathe and he hoped that Sun Ce or Zhou Yu would simply give up their fight and leave, or simply take it elsewhere. Whether Zhou Yu had heard his silent plea or simply had enough, the strategist was the first to turn about and continue on his way, moving to his stall and his voice stirring his own horse from its slumber. And thankfully, Sun Ce followed, sparing the two interlopers from their wraths for a few moments more. “Now I know you have a brain in that head of yours, Ce, and I know you’re not a fool. I’m going to be the better man and chose not to acknowledge that this part of our discussion never came up and will instead choose to focus on the more important matter at hand. In case you’ve forgotten it already.”

“I haven’t, you just decided to dwell on that instead! Fine, be that way, but know that you’re wrong, and I’ll be looking forward to the day he proves you wrong, too. I’ll be standing there, wearing the biggest grin I can muster, and you’re going to take it with the pride and dignity that I know you have and not be a big baby about it.” They could tell that Sun Ce did not feel like being brushed off and Lü Meng knew more than anyone that his lord did not handle defeat well. He could hear it in his voice, scratching like a tiger’s claws against its cage but unable to penetrate deep enough, as Zhou Yu would not even acknowledge his efforts. Their backs were turned to Sun Ce’s stable and the path was clear, but Lü Meng had no will to move. Even when Shi Ran waved at him, he remained in his corner, rubbing the horse’s fuzzy nose and hoping to distract himself from just how defeated he felt at that moment, knowing that Zhou Yu may as well be Yu Mao in different and deceptively handsome clothing. Not even the mysterious secret that Sun Ce was eluding to could distract him, as his lord finally dropped the matter and helped Zhou Yu saddle his stead. “You sure you want to ride out alone? I can send Huang Gai or another officer with you?”

“No, it’d only be suspicious if you sent any of your generals out with me. As it is now, they won’t question a single rider and if they do, who best to talk their way out of a predicament than me?” And just like that, Zhou Yu seemed more passive, calm, less prickly, and Lü Meng felt little warmth from it. Of course he sounded kinder- he wasn’t the focus on the conversation! “However, it would be prudent to get your affairs with Lord Yuan Shu in order and soon. Are you sure you wish to give him the Imperial Seal? I’m sure you have enough gold stored to purchase all that you need from him.”

“Of course I do, but what’s gold to the Imperial Seal? Besides, it’d be better to save the gold for when we have our return home. Who knows how much renovations that place is going to need, and we wouldn’t want to make a bad first impression by expecting the people to pay, right?”

Shi Ran was intrigued but was wise to keep his mouth shut, but Lü Meng cared little for where the conversation was going. What of the Imperial Seal? What of this talk of a homecoming? He should have cared, he wanted to care, but it simply wasn’t there. Not yet, anyways. Maybe in the morning once he’s slept this disgrace off, assuming he could even sleep, but now, he found it all too easy for him to simply shut his mind and heart down. Not think, simply be. Simply exist, even if it apparently brought his lord’s friend and strategist dissatisfaction. “You are kind, Ce, far kinder than any other man I know whose family name holds weight in this world. I wish you the best of luck with dealing with Lord Yuan Shu, but I have faith that you will come out of the deal just fine. I’ll send word out once I reach Wujun. You’ll take care of yourself, won’t you?”

Because of the angle, neither Shi Ran nor Lü Meng could see the expressions they wore, and it may have been for the best. Lü Meng didn’t want to think of seeing such a kind and warm expression on the face of a man that hated him, to know that he would likely never get a fraction of that kindness only made the bitterness he felt all the worse. “Well, I’m going to have to. I just gave up two of the best bodyguards’ I ever had. Be safe, Yu.”

And then, without another word, Zhou Yu lead his stead out of the barn and passed by Sun Ce’s stables, never once thinking of checking the stall, never once seeing how Lü Meng struggled to keep his eyes downwards, fearing that he would set the man alight with the intensity of gaze alone. Lü Meng remained perfectly still, even when it was clear that the strategist had mounted and rode off into the night. Where Sun Ce was and how long he would remain in the stables was a mystery to him, but at least he had Shi Ran to thank. When the youth tapped his shoulder, he rose to his feet once more and moved quickly and with purpose, never looking around at his surroundings and thinking only of retreating from the stables before anyone else could barge in and throw more at his feet. 

He would never know just how close the two of them were to getting caught that night, as if he had taken a moment to stop, Sun Ce might have caught sight of their retreating forms and chased them down. However, it seemed that fortune was kind enough to offer him at least one victory this night, as they managed to make their way all the way to Lü Meng’s home before ever once slowing down. He felt Shi Ran at his heels and wanted to know why he was still following him instead of simply going to his own home, but he found that the question did not want to escape his mouth. In fact, he wasn’t even sure he was capable of speech at all, and Shi Ran’s question only made the lump in his throat thicker. “That was a lot to take in, I bet. You… um… you alright?”

Was he? Physically, yes. Emotionally? Angry, distraught, with hopelessness thrown in. He didn’t trust himself to speak and so he chose not to, knowing that whatever he’d say would be wrong and risk hurting the wrong person entirely. Five years had passed and he had hoped to escape that blotch from his past, only to see it had taken a different form. One that was intelligent, admired by others, and worst of all, close to his lord. One he could never combat or think to defeat, or prove wrong, apparently. No, he wasn’t alright, and he knew of nothing that could make it alright. 

And Shi Ran, ever eager to please, scratched his head for a solution. “... you want to spar? You can always pretend the dummy is Lord Zhou Yu, if you think that’d make it better.”

Lü Meng finally gave in and looked back at Shi Ran and he couldn’t stop himself from protesting. “I don’t think he or our lord would appreciate that.”

“They don’t have to know, right?” Shi Ran shrugged. “I won’t tell them if you won’t. Come on, you know I’m trustworthy!”

His defenses were already torn asunder and now there was nothing that Lü Meng could do to resist that pull. He didn’t want to cultivate that deep anger within him, not when he could still feel Yu Mao’s blood cling to him still as if it was his own shadow, but at least here he could find some kind of release. Sun Ce proclaimed he had changed, but Zhou Yu wasn’t convinced. Which of the two was right? And was he wrong to find himself simply… going with Shi Ran’s advice? His defenses, already shoddy and poorly maintained, fell, and he found himself following after the teenager as they made their way towards the barracks. He should have tried to go to sleep, but he knew sleep would not come tonight, not without dragging along its friends, regret and self-loathing.

“Alright, but not a word. I don’t want this getting back to Lord Zhou Yu… as if he needs anymore reason to hate me.”


	9. Gift Horse and Zhou Yu's Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng receives a new weapon from Deng Dang and must undergo a test from a harsh teacher...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

The benefit of Sun Ce’s decision to break off from Yuan Shu was that Lü Meng, and everyone else for that matter, were too busy to dwell on such paltry matters like discovering one of his lord’s key officers and trusted advisers despised him. The news came so sudden and yet, not many complained. If anything, it seemed to garner the opposite reaction. Everyone involved were quick to offer their assistance in the transition. Soldiers and their families worked around the clock to prepare, packing valuables, constructing carriages, whatever was available. It was a kind of organized chaos, Ling Cao had told Lü Meng, but he wasn’t quite sure he comprehended the phrase and simply took it for what it was worth, choosing to dive into work and busy his body instead of his head. He was just a soldier, nothing more. Leave the thinking to someone else.

It was strange, though, to work so far away from his lord, but at least he was with familiar company. Ling Cao was quick to put him to work and keep a curious and talkative Ling Tong out from beneath his feet. They were assigned to watch over the carriages during the exodus to Wujun, a task that others may have balked at but not Lü Meng. Guarding people, multiple people, was something he was meant to do, he figured. And like protecting his lord, he’d dedicate the same devotion to not only his family but Lord Sun Ce’s and the rest. It was something he was good at. Something he was comfortable with. Something he couldn’t possibly screw up and that add more kind to Zhou Yu’s fire.

‘Don’t think about him. Just don’t think at all.’

“You look like a rain cloud ready to unleash a monsoon.” Ling Cao’s comment caused his attention snap away from his thoughts and look to the man he walked beside. What he saw was the side of the horse’s face that Ling Cao rode upon and he brought his gaze upwards, stroking the horse’s muscular neck in hopes of grounding him back into the present since his mind apparently longed to wander. Not a good trait for a guard at all. He must have given Ling Cao a blank look as his expression softened and he rephrased his statement. “You look angry. What on your mind?”

“Nothing,” Lü Meng said, his tone flat and eager to retreat into silence once more. Days passed since he and Shi Ran eavesdropped on his Lord and Zhou Yu- did he really have time to be dwelling on that now? “Nothing’s on my mind.”

“You’re not a good liar, are you?”

It would figure he’d see right through him and if anything his expression soured. “Just thinking.”

“Of?”

Lü Meng couldn’t stop the huff that escaped his head and not once did he consider how his actions may have been considered rude. “Stuff. Just stuff.”

It would not be enough to placate Ling Cao’s curiosity, but it would be all he’d get out of him. He was determined to resist any more efforts unless it was followed by an order. Grumpy as he was, he couldn’t afford to disobey an order. He pondered if the veteran knew that. He was content to keep addressing him as a friend for awhile longer, it seemed, as his patience, nor his questions, never wavered. “How do you feel about leaving Runan entirely?”

Truth be told, he never gave the matter any thought. It had been five years since he left the village of Fupo and made his stay with Lord Sun Ce and his men, a long time for a teen at the time but so brief in the grand scale of time. Yuan Shu’s district wasn’t so much a home, but the people within it. Thus far, everyone he had come to know was leaving with them, so what was there left in Runan to miss? He answered truthfully. “No. Most here never seemed to consider this their home anyways as they’re from Wujun and Jiangdong. We’re not wanted or needed here anyways.”

“How did you figure that?”

Lü Meng shrugged, confessing with ease before Ling Cao could mistake him for clever. “Just heard it from others as we were preparing to leave. Lord Sun Ce and his men were wasting under Yuan Shu’s command but he’s not willing to risk harming his people in a direct fight. So, we leave and return home.”

Though he sat elevated near him on his stead, Ling Cao did not so much look down on him as others might have for his honesty, and that was a blessing for the former bodyguard at least. “Regardless of where or who to heard it from, that’s a good way of thinking about it. Sometimes it’s for the best not to think too hard on certain matters.”

“I’m not really known for thinking hard, so that should be easy.”

He wasn't even sure why he said it, but at least Ling Cao’s laughter lifted his spirits in a strange way. “No, maybe not, but you are still young and have plenty of time to learn your duties. For now, focus on the task at hand and it’ll all work out for the best.”

It was a well desired relief to know that Ling Cao wouldn’t enforce ridiculous expectations on him all at once. He wanted to keep it simple for as long as possible, but now that Ling Cao got him talking, he could feel all sorts of questions beginning to nag at him. Best get them out now while the journey was peaceful and there were no roaming Zhou Yu about to mock him for his ignorance. “Sir, can I ask a question?”

“Of course.”

“Does our lord expect trouble along the way?”

Ling Cao looked him over and his expression was hard to make out, despite his keen features thanks to his battle scars. “Why do you think so?”

“Because…” Suddenly, all courage left him and he found his voice fading into a whisper. A guardsman shouldn’t ask so many questions. “I don’t know. Forget I said anything.”

And yet, Ling Cao’s paternal instincts kicked him and he urged him on, like a parent nudging its fledgling off the branch. “No, no, speak your mind, Lü Meng. Our lord encouraged it, did he not?”

He regretted saying anything, but seeing it encouraged so only pushed the floodgates open. He had a feeling Ling Cao would not let him back down now. At least Zhou Yu wasn’t there to sneer in his direction and he chose to take some solace in the fact that Ling Cao wouldn’t take up that habit. He hoped. “I’m just curious as to why there are so many who are traveling armed, or why Lord Sun Ce purchased soldiers instead of carpenters or more supplies for the journey. Is he expecting trouble?”

“That’s something else you picked up from our charges while they packed?”

“Most of it is, but some of it’s me own.” 

He wasn’t ashamed to admit to either- he may have heard Yenji or someone else mention it while he was moving from one carriage to the next, but it lingered in his mind and stirred his own brain into action. His answer pleased Ling Cao and his answer was blunt but nothing short of honest. “These are turbulent times and it’s best to expect trouble. We could be attacked along the way by bandits, and once we get to Jiangdong and the Wu territories, pirates could start becoming a problem.”

“Pirates?”

“Yes, with all the rivers and such. Pirates will become more common the further east we go, but I wouldn’t worry too much about them. Some can be talked down or employed, like Zhou Tai. And those that can’t? They’re nothing we can’t handle.”

Lü Meng wasn’t a complete idiot. He knew what a pirate was. He simply never thought he’d see one in his life, and yet, he was apparently moving to a district where they were apparently common. Then again, he could not have predicted a lot of where his life had led him or where it would take him, and it all required too much thought. “They’re just bandits on boats, right? I can handle them.”

“That’s the spirit, Lü Meng. Show no mercy or fear, and keep on looking ahead. Once they catch wind of any valuables we’re carrying, they’ll come sniffing, and it’ll be up to us warrior to send them fleeing with their tails between their legs.”

Oh to that Lü Meng had no doubt! Ling Cao’s confidence in the matter quelled any fear he might have harbored for the incoming threat, but there was still something else that bothered him. “Will that be all, though? Pirates and bandits?”

“One would hope, but not, it’s likely that we will be met with some resistance from those who make their stay there now.”

“But I don’t understand. I thought Lord Sun Ce had claims to those territories…” Lü Meng knew he was being foolish and he wanted nothing more than to just shut up and look ahead, like Ling Cao encouraged him to. But Sun Ce had expected him to question when he had doubt, and didn’t his lord’s orders outrank that of Ling Cao’s? “Why would anyone try to resist his return to Jiangdong?”

Now, any humor that Ling Cao’s battle-hardened face carried faded away, but Lü Meng felt no fear when looking upon him. Instead of mirth or smug confidence that he displayed on the topic of pirates, he seemed more reserved, but in a respectful way, as he spoke of the possible threat that waited for them in Jiangdong and the Wu territories. It was all very confusing for Lü Meng… “Because they may not honor the proof that our lord or Zhou Yu will present them. Because many of them have found success there and do not see themselves being allowed to keep all that they have gained if the Sun family and their army return to their rightful place. Or, simply put, because they are fools who do not wish to allow any to tell them what to do and seek to defy any authority that is not their own. Take your pick.”

It baffled him that there would exist so many reasons that they’d fight. He himself had ‘enlisted’ to gain fortune for his family and had obtained it in his own way, and yet, he still found himself picking up his spear every day. Thus was the life he made for himself and at least now he could be put to good use. Five years and all he had done was train and be pulled into small skirmishes. Would real battle await them for their homecoming or would they simply be for show?

The sounds of hoof beats approaching lured him from his thoughts and he couldn’t hold down his grin when he spotted Deng Dang among the regiment that now rode alongside them. Deng Dang returned the smile, as he pulled up next to him, accompanied by a man that Lü Meng could hardly bring himself to look at without feeling overwhelmed with what he suspected to be gratitude. Fa Shi! Had he ever thanked him for that night? “Captain, glad to see you would make it.” Ling Cao called out, throwing a respectful bow his way. “I hope Lord Yuan Shu handled your transfer well?”

“Bah, my loyalties never really were with him,” Deng Dang said, returning the bow before turning his rather gleeful gaze onto his brother-in-law. “How Lü Meng doing? Not giving you too much trouble, is he?”

“None whatsoever. Asking questions.”

“Good, that means he’s ought to learn something.”

Now Lü Meng found himself fighting down a growl. He was right there! Before his face could break into a scowl, though, Deng Dang was on him, nothing but smiles and motioning to Fa Shi. “Don’t get cross, Meng. I’m only teasing, but you never handled that too well. Congratulations on your promotion, brother.”

“Thank you,” Lü Meng managed to say. Whatever anger he felt brewing in his gut dissipated in lieu of Deng Dang’s genuine cheer. There was never any doubt that Deng Dang and his regiment wouldn’t follow Lord Sun Ce (the storm that Yenji would have cried would have threatened to flood not only her own carriage but every other carriage under their care), but it was still great to see him nevertheless. He really didn’t see his brother-in-law all that much, now that he thought about it… “I hope to do our lord proud.”

Deng Dang’s laugh was gruff and throaty, but filled with mirth, and now it was impossible not to smile. Fa Shi passed over something long and draped in cloth to Deng Dang and the youth would not have to question its contents for long as it was suddenly handed over to him. “I’m sure you will. Now, accept this gift from your proud brother-in-law and his officers. May it serve your well in your future endeavors.”

“A gift…?” Lü Meng had almost stopped his march but managed to keep his pace. He truly wasn’t expecting this! He tucked his spear under his arm to grab the object being handed to him. It was a weapon; even a dunce like him could tell that much and his excitement and curiosity overwhelmed and routed his confusions. He pulled the sheet back, revealing the most magnificent glaive he had ever set his eyes on. Truthfully, it was rather simplistic in appearance, but it was -his- glaive, and Deng Dang took advantage of his silence to explain each of its features, as though he were attempting to sell him the weapon itself!

“It’s a standard glaive, similar to the pikes you see the mounted officers wield. This blade here, see how it sticks out?” He pointed to the hook. “That’s to dig dig into armor or flesh of a mounted enemy and pull them off their horse. This part of the blade is for wide sweeps to swipe at the horse’s legs and officers, in case you’re surrounded. The part at the end is the sharpest, like a spear point, so you can jab it forward and put a quick end to your opponent once you dismount them.”

“It’s heavier than my spear…” Lü Meng observed, not thinking about it and hoping it didn’t sound like a complaint. No, he was just stating the obvious and admiring the glaive that his brother-in-law gave him. He felt like a fool. All of that lengthy explanation and all he could say was ‘it’s heavy’. 

“Right, but with reason. You’ll need the weight to hold the weight of your opponent when you throw them down. It’s also sturdier and won’t snap in half like a spear would.”

Fa Shi snickered, breaking what Lü Meng feared was a five year silence and yet never hearing him sound so open and free. Even if it came out as a tease, Lü Meng didn’t really mind it so much now, as the mirth he heard put his conscience at ease. “Which will make the weapon smith happy. We’ve had so few fights and yet leave it to Lü Meng to wreck more than his fair share.”

“I won’t break this one, though!” Lü Meng would cherish it, clean it every day. He wanted to know how Deng Dang came to find such a fine weapon or how much it cost, but he knew better. Lord Sun Ce himself taught him that lesson many moons ago- something about not looking a horse in the mouth? He wasn’t keen on exactly what the wording was and why it involved not looking into a horse’s mouth, but he understood the message well enough. Don’t be ungrateful. Don’t question where it came from. He thought. “I’ll treat it with care, brother. Fa Shi.”

“Just don’t be afraid to bloody it. It’s a weapon, after all, not just for decoration.” Despite his warning, Deng Dang flashed him an appreciative smile. “Once we’re settled in our new home, I’ll show you some of the more extensive tricks with it and how to use it when mounted. But I know you- you’ll probably obsess over it and master it in no time at all.”

“I… Thank you,” Lü Meng said, grasping his glaive close and hoping that he did not look too much the part of a blubbering fool. If he did, then he’d take comfort that only these men here would be the only witnesses and whatever pride that he had would remain intact for awhile. “I’ll treat it well and put it to good use. I promise!”

“Good lad. Take good care of him, Ling Cao. He may be a troublemaker, but you’ll seldom find anyone more dedicated to his work.” Satisfied, Deng Dang gave his young brother-in-law a pat on the shoulder. It was brief, but a welcomed display of affection between the two, one that he knew Deng Dang to be relieved to show after so long of holding it all in for appearances. Without Yu Mao or others that feared he’s favor him, he was free to express the care he held for his brother-in-law and his family and Lü Meng welcomed it, even if it could only be small instances like this. He savored the feeling… since he knew that once it came time to make promise on practicing with the glaive, Deng Dang, or Fa Shi, whichever one that would help him, would not go easy on him later, and he would have to remember those good feelings for later, he told himself.

~*~*~

Lü Meng knew that he’d have the time to put his training to good use. He simply wasn’t expecting it to be quite so soon. Before night even fell upon them on the first leg of their journey, Lord Zhou Yu had returned and relayed what information he had gathered throughout Jiangdong and the Wu territories beyond it, confirming exactly what Ling Cao and Sun Ce had suspected. Those who lived there now were not willing to step aside and the prospect of an assault seemed inevitable. Some said assault, others proclaimed invasion. Lü Meng wasn’t sure how he felt, nor did he really care. As far as he was concerned, he’d just wait for orders and be given a direction to go fight. Let others busy their heads with all that complicated nonsense. He was here for fight, nothing more, nothing less. 

His new weapon gave him a perfect outlet and his training with Fa Shi and Shi Ran offered a great distraction as his lord discussed their plans with his generals and advisers. The new distribution of weight hardly bothered him. He always had a stronger swing than what was appropriate for a spear, so it was almost a welcome blessing to swing something sturdy. What he had trouble getting used to was trying to pull off a mounted officer. Try as he might, there was always something off about the angle and with each pass he’d only managed to nick Fa Shi’s armor or miss entirely, and after several passes, he was feeling frustration beginning to nip at his waning patience. 

“Again.” Fa Shi called out, never once sounding annoyed or impatient, and that didn’t help him. He should have been just as frustrated as him and yet he hardly seemed bothered at all! He waited until Lü Meng was in position before he reared his horse around and charged at him again. This time, as he drew close, Fa Shi let out a scream and the action put the young officer on edge, causing him to swing upwards at a different arc. This time, the hook of the glaive slashed the reins and forced it from the rider’s hands, but its rider never left the saddle, and Lü Meng cursed so much that he was breathless by the end of his tirade.

It was around this time that Zhou Yu decided to step in, and he would never understand the look that Shi Ran gave him from where he watched from the nearby carriage. “Watch your volume, Lü Meng. Unless you want to lure the attention of every bandit, pirate and wild animal in the province upon us.”

The look Shi Ran gave him was a cocktail of horror and scorn and it was most curious, but his attention did not linger on him for long. Lü Meng would not allow for it, as he worked on calming himself down. “No, sir. It’s not what I want.”

And oh what anger he held in that voice of his! Zhou Yu swore he could peel paint with the heat of that response and he pondered if all of it came from the training session. It sounded deeper than that, but perhaps he was looking too deep into the matter. It was so hard not to want to look at all the finer details. Fa Shi turned his horse around and bowed from atop his stead, addressing Zhou Yu as to give Lü Meng time to collect himself. “We’re sorry, Lord Zhou Yu. Lü Meng’s always been passionate about his training. We’ll call it a night if you fear it will put us in a precarious situation.”

“No, not at all. Perhaps if I could be of some assistance?”

From this angle, Fa Shi could not see how Lü Meng shook his head and he was forced to bite his lip to stop himself from cursing when Fa Shi accepted the offer. Damn him! “Of course! Would you like my horse, sir?”

“In a moment. Allow me to speak with Lü Meng first.”

No, Lü Meng didn’t want to speak with Zhou Yu, but what choice did he have? Fa Shi was clueless to the tension that existed between the two, but not Shi Ran. As Fa Shi dismounted, the dark-haired youth leaned over to Lü Meng and whispered over his shoulder. “I can try and talk him down if you want?”

Want? Yes. He knew that Zhou Yu would provoke him, even with Sun Ce’s demands to back off, and he wanted nothing to do with the matter. But he couldn’t back away from this, not without being insubordinate or making Zhou Yu suspicious. Before he could even find words to turn down Shi Ran’s offer, Zhou Yu was upon them and by the way the younger of the two stiffened, he could only wonder what cocky expression his new, charming tormentor wore. “Shi Ran, would you mind if I spoke with Lü Meng alone?”

“O-of course not, Lord Zhou Yu! I’ll just be over here… near the carriages where it’s safe. Call me if you two need me!”

Before he managed to retreat, though, Lü Meng took some solace in his silent apology. It was short lived. This would mean he’d be alone with Zhou Yu and he only had his own temper and flimsy control to rely on. Fa Shi was close by, though, he told himself. Fa Shi would stop him this time.

“It’s considered rude to not look at your fellow officers, Lü Meng. You may want to be careful with that, as some officers might take offense to that.”

It was certainly more words than Yu Mao would have used but it had the same effect, invoking a deep, guttural resentment within Lü Meng that he hoped wouldn’t bubble to the surface and show in his eyes when he looked at him. At least with Zhou Yu he found himself looking down and didn’t feel so terribly small as he did with Yu Mao prior. He was surprised to see his polite smile despite the edge in his voice. Not so surprising was the smugness that glistened in those deep brown eyes, as he addressed him. “That’s better. Now, your stance is accurate, but you’re intentionally holding back. May I ask why?”

He hoped to quell some of his flames by the time he spoke, lest he spit them out and set his lord’s friend alight that night. “I don’t think I’m holding back.”

“You are. I see it in your face. Every time Lieutenant Fa Shi makes a pass, you lock up and your response is too late to get the hook of the blade in.” There was no anger in his voice, but its tone wasn’t welcoming either. Zhou Yu had to expect his distrust in him and had the nerve to try and address him as though he genuinely wanted to see him succeed. It made him fume. “So, I ask again. Why do you hold back?”

He swore he could feel flames escaping his nostrils and tried to turn his head away without breaking eye contact. He wanted to burn this man but he was too low on the ladder to get away with it, he reminded himself, as he replied in earnest. “Because what if I hurt him? Or the horse?”

Zhou Yu said nothing as Fa Shi let out a low chuckle. “I wouldn’t worry about this one here. Po here has thick skin and I doubt anything will get through it these days.”

The horse flared its nostrils and nipped at Lü Meng’s turban, as though trying to soothe his worries in its own way. In spite of his foul mood, he could not resist the urge to shower the horse with affection, scratching the horse’s muzzle and finding some comfort to cling to, even when Zhou Yu stole it away. He grabbed the reins from Fa Shi and within seconds he was mounted atop the saddle, speaking as though he could not see the confusion that accented the young officer’s features. “Very well. I’ll give you someone you despise to practice with. Get ready for my pass, Lü Meng.”

He began to pull the horse around as Lü Meng found himself sputtering words, somehow managing to stop him in his tracks. “But, sir, I don’t-”

“Now Lü Meng, I was told by others you are an honest, if not brusque, man. Now is a horrible time to pick up on lying.” Zhou Yu wore a grin that would make any alligator envious and Lü Meng could bring himself to look up at the man before he pulled Po around and trotted to his position, calling to him as he did so. “Now get ready for my pass, and unlike Fa Shi, I will be seeking to strike you down.”

This was bad. This was really bad. Lü Meng felt a cold sweat hit him. He wasn’t surprised to know that Zhou Yu knew of his hatred of him. Of course Zhou Yu would see right through him. He was intelligent and Lü Meng knew he wasn’t the most difficult scroll to read either, so it seemed inevitable that he found out. No, he also wasn’t ungrateful for the chance to throw his tormentor to the ground and be allowed to get away with it. But he was afraid and he could not hide it. What if he went too far? What if he seriously injured him? What if he killed him? “Lord Zhou Yu, I can’t… I can’t do this!”

He wasn’t sure if Zhou Yu could even hear him as he now stood mounted at a far enough distance where the horse could break into a full gallop and merely waited for Lü Meng to get ready. Fa Shi had clearly seen Lü Meng’s fear and was hesitant to pass over his spear. “Lord Zhou Yu, are you sure this is wise?”

“No, it’s not, but it needs to be done. Have no worries, I’m merely testing him.”

“More like provoking, young lord.” Despite his mumble, he offered him his spear and took a step back. He wanted to offer his aide to Lü Meng, but he did not wish to expose too much about the young officer, especially against his will. And truthfully, what could he do? Like Lü Meng, he was far too low on the ladder to make a scene and get away with it. His next words weren’t at all meant for the strategist atop the horse but the man that couldn’t hear him from this distance. “Good luck.”

Zhou Yu said nothing to the officer and once again called out to Lü Meng, not at all liking that he hadn’t taken his position yet. It was hard not to see the panicked expression and Zhou Yu was quick to chide him for it. He chose his words with care. “You are an officer of Sun Ce, Lü Meng, an honor that I don’t feel you’re even remotely worth of. If you cannot properly utilize that weapon for his cause, then it’s worthless. Now, prove to me that our lord didn’t make a mistake that day and get into position. That’s an order.”

Oh yes, that wound went deep. Even from this distance, he could see him trembling and his face scrunched up into a horrid looking scowl. Had Zhou Yu been his enemy, he might have felt an inkling of fear but as it was, he felt more tickled from the expression and disappointed. The moment Lü Meng took position, he lost, and Zhou Yu was perhaps too eager for the chance to educate the young man and his lord.

He gave no further warning, kicking the horse and the urgency of the motion put the horse on edge, sending it charging at Lü Meng at full speed. The spear was at the ready and aimed where it would disarm the officer, hardly fitting for a practice run but Zhou Yu was confident that he would miss his target and that Lü Meng would not remove him from the saddle. Lü Meng, on the other hand, was terrified, enraged, and perhaps five other emotions thrown into a bag and shaken violently and he tried to tell himself that it was just practice. It was just Zhou Yu rattling his nerves and testing him. That the spear wasn’t actually going to pierce his chest, that this wasn’t the perfect plot to rid him of a troublesome pest, that his jealous didn’t overrule his logic…

He tried telling himself that but none of it seeped in. Now Zhou Yu was upon him and he had only seconds to act! He wanted to strike, but his body wouldn’t move. Even when Zhou Yu shouted at him, even when he could see the spear coming- nothing! He could move nothing!

What snapped him back to the present was the wailing of the horse and he rose his glaive, but too late. By the time he swung it, Zhou Yu had rushed past him, spear drawn back in but wounding him just as much with that smarmy grin. Lü Meng could see Fa Shi moving to intervene, but all it took was a movement from Zhou Yu and he backed away. The strategist lifted his spear up and made his intentions clear. He was coming back around for another pass, and Lü Meng, determined not to be embarrassed a second time, spun on his heels to face him. “Fine! Damn you too!”

He could not see Fa Shi’s worried expression or how Shi Ran motioned to them from the carriage, as his eyes only saw his opponent. He spread his legs apart and pulled the glaive into position, the sweep of the blade and tip touching the ground and the hook poised. The steel in his eyes warned Zhou Yu that he was not only ready, but eager. He would not be ridiculed like this! And if it meant letting a senior officer walk away with a few bruises and a lashing for himself later, then so be it. “Come on! Come on!”

Now he heard Fa Shi approaching and Shi Ran’s shout, but he paid them no mind. All he could hear were the thundering hooves of Po. All he could see was the glimmer of disgust and amusement in Zhou Yu’s eyes. All he felt was the desire to wipe that smug, arrogant grin off his face. He’d have only one chance…

Lü Meng swung his glaive, catching the spear and penetrating its shoddy defense, and yet it was enough to protect its rider… or so it seemed. Once again, the hook never touched Zhou Yu but it bit into the saddle and something ripped away, causing the saddle to slide off of the horse’s back and throwing its rider off the side. Lü Meng spun around, longing to see Zhou Yu’s fall from grace and it was just as satisfying as he could have possibly imagined. He could not hear it bones snapped or if he landed in an embarrassing position. All he could see was him fall over the side and roll in the dirt, and it felt… damn good.

Too bad the feeling did not last for long, as no sooner did he lower his weapon, he could see Sun Ce fastly approaching and he did not look happy. Suddenly he understood what Fa Shi and Shi Ran were trying to warm him about, and he, the fool that he was, immediately regretted not listening. He stood at attention, but it did him no good, as the moment his lord was standing before him, he was on him. “Lü Meng, what the hell did I tell you the other day?”

Any confidence he may have gained from his feat was gone and not even looking at Zhou Yu being helped to his feet by Fa Shi and another could make that pleased feeling return. Before his lord could bark another order, he did managed to fumble out some words in hopes of quelling a little of his anger. “Sir, that… I should not let others co… coer… convince me to do things I know not to be right, even if they are a senior officer. Right?”

“And what did you do?”

Lü Meng fought with himself, wondering the best course to take from here. He could throw the blame on Zhou Yu and explain how he provoked him, but… that did not matter, it seemed. By now, Zhou Yu stood upright and dusted himself off, and he looked back at his lord so that he wouldn’t see the man’s triumphant smile. The other option was just to accept that he failed to heed his lord’s advice, and his answer was meek for a man that just threw another from atop a galloping horse. “Not that.”

Would it be enough? He doubted it. But the one to come to his rescue was neither Fa Shi nor even Shi Ran. It was Zhou Yu. “My lord, please, there’s no need for that. It was all a training session that I more or less forced onto him. It was dangerous, however, he’s performed quite admirably, wouldn’t you say?”

Lü Meng wasn’t the only one confused and he allowed Sun Ce to ask the question that burned in his head. “What are you even talking about? He could have killed you- probably wanted to, and I wouldn’t have blamed him with how you ruffled him like that.”

“Oh, he wanted to harm me, but kill? No. And he did neither, despite having the perfect opportunity. He channeled his anger and used it appropriately instead of being consumed by it.” And then Zhou Yu looked to him and the man he praised wanted to run and hide, even when there was no where to go. What was Zhou Yu doing? Where did this come from? And how the hell was he expected to respond? “I’ll admit I may have pushed you too hard, Lü Meng, but I wanted to test you as well as teach you a valuable lesson. It was not out of spite or whatever you may think I feel about you. I merely wished to see how you’d perform when under duress and to see if you could hold back if necessary. But you’re decision to strike the saddle instead of go for me and risk gorging me… well played.”

No, even after his explanation he was terribly muddled. Zhou Yu may as well been speaking a different language and he was certain his own treacherous eyes were blank to reveal his confusion to all. He couldn’t trust himself to speak and so he didn’t. Which, apparently, fell right into Zhou Yu’s scheme splendidly. “And so modest, too. I see what it is that Sun Ce and others like about you. My lord, hold no anger for Lü Meng, for he performed well. Controlling his temper and turning it into an asset will need some work, but he shows promise at least.”

All the while, Sun Ce’s expression softened, and it seemed that if Zhou Yu’s aim was to win Sun Ce’s heart, then he most certainly won. There was no sign of suspicion in his gaze and Lü Meng nearly yelped when his lord slapped his hand on his shoulder. “Alright then, seeing as you had it under control and all, then I’ll take it back. Well done, Lü Meng.”

Gift horse. That’s what the saying was. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Did that apply here? If he said anything contradictory, he’d only be digging his own grave and invalidate any good that came from Zhou Yu’s ‘praise’. Did he mean any of it or was it all to keep them out of trouble? If so, why both? Why not just himself? It was all just… it felt him addle brained and Lü Meng wouldn’t stand for it! “Yes, my lord,” he ended up saying if only to put an end to his misery. No matter what, Zhou Yu won. Let Zhou Yu win. “May I be dismissed now?”

“Granted. Take the horse back to the rest and make sure his saddle gets repaired before you start your shift for the evening.” Sun Ce saw no reason not to let him go and Lü Meng was grateful. “I need to talk with Zhou Yu anyways.” 

So relieved was Lü Meng that he left before he could see how Sun Ce’s face broke into a scowl and he may have rejoiced to see it was directed solely at Zhou Yu. However, he simply approached the now calm horse and took the reins and saddle. He was eager to flee to the makeshift stables and just call it a night. He had enough of being Zhou Yu’s punching bag for one night…

He wanted nothing more this evening than to return the horse to its proper place and retreat to his family’s carriage, but he was a fool to think his night would end so peacefully. No sooner did he reach the stables did he find trouble, or, perhaps more accurately, trouble found him. He could tell that something wasn’t right when he was eclipsed in another’s shadow and he looked up to see the bucking grey stallion. Its angered and distressed whiny pierced the heavens almost and set Po on edge, forcing Lü Meng to stop and stare at the man atop the horse, gripping to its reins for his dear life. 

Lü Meng might not have thought too much of the occurrence except for three glaring details: this man could not have been part of their army for he had never laid eyes upon him before, the horse was protesting wildly to this man that had the nerve to try and abduct him, and lastly the golden bells that jingled at the horse thief’s waist would forever engrave themselves into his mind for the rest of his days, as long or as short as they may be...


	10. Thieving a Plenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng confronts a terrible horse thief and Gan Ning throws a tantrum...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

It didn’t take Lü Meng long to catch up with the would be horse thief. Even if he had taken the time to to saddle Po and give chase, he knew that he wouldn’t get far, not on that horse. He almost wanted to spare a smile at the rotten luck of the thief but Zhou Yu had killed the humor within him. No, not a single shred of mirth or anything remotely positive could exist in a man so utterly ridiculed by Zhou Yu, he told himself as he followed after the thief on foot. No need to alert the rest for this.

As he expected, they didn’t get far, though he had to give credit to the man for managing to get this far. In spite of his foul mood, he could feel the corners of his mouth trying their damnedest to lift when he spotted the troublemaker’s futile struggle. The horse he decided to steal, a young grey stallion with white streaks throughout its mane, was by far the orneriest beast that had somehow acquired from Lord Yuan Shu. It refused any rider and had no reservation in letting others know as he thrashed and kicked when anyone came near. At most, if one was lucky or possessed quick enough reflexes, they could get the bite on the horse and manage a harness, but the moment someone walked around with a saddle or tried to lead the willful horse where it didn’t want to, it was all out war. Even Lü Meng had trouble with this one from time to time. 

The thief somehow managed to slip a rope around its muzzle but it did him no good. Without the proper bite and reins, he could not get the horse to budge, and Lü Meng watched as he yanked and pulled on a horse that had not only dug its front hooves into the ground but say on its haunches, guaranteeing that he nor the man would be going anywhere. Not that it deterred the tattooed clad man in the least. He cursed, gripping the rope with strong fingers and his muscles bulging, adding to accent the colorful tattoos that decorated his armors and chest. Had Lü Meng been in a better mood, he might have taken the time to admire the artistry and dedication that went into them, but like the horse this man tried to ferry away, his mood was simply foul and his patience was greatly waning by the second. 

“Come on, you stupid, stubborn, over-sized ass!” The thief snapped, throwing the rope over his shoulder and putting all of his weight into it now, leaning forward and nearly bumping his head on the officer’s chest. “Get moving, before I get REALLY mad!”

Had anyone besides Lü Meng or Ling Cao had come across the thief, they may have taken the time to mock him for his foolish decision, maybe explain that he could not think to get away with the horse. Maybe someone would have been diplomatic and worked out some kind of deal with him, or shown mercy and let him go. No doubt he seemed desperate and would sell the horse for gold. Unfortunately, the one to give chase was Lü Meng, and the moment he was within range, he was ready to put his new weapon to proper use. He gripped it closer to the blade for a more precise swing and though it did not hit his target, it forced the would-be thief to release the rope and surrender the horse. The action freed his hands, and it was then that Lü Meng realized the man’s true profession. Horse thief he may not be, but a down and dirty fighter, there could be absolutely no doubt!

“You got some nerve trying to sneak up on me like that!” His opponent was quick, far quicker than he was expecting, and once that curved sword of his nicked his shoulder pad, Lü Meng found himself falling back into a more comfortable state of mind. One-on-one fights, with someone he didn’t know was far more in his comfort zone than dealing with the political war that Zhou Yu had forced him to engage in and although he was fighting for his life, it was safer, more at home for him. And apparently, it must have down in his face or his form, as his enemy showered him with comments, even when he had to parry a strike aimed for his head. “You’re not too bad at this. I’ll give you that.”

What was Lü Meng suppose to do? Zhou Tai nor Sun Ce really ever complimented him during a bout (the former pirate didn’t really say anything to him at all) and this man, as pathetic as his attempt to steal the horse may have been, was an enemy. So, he said nothing and merely focused on the fight, trying not to get distracted by the jingling bells or the whirlpool of colorful and distracting tattoos, or those vibrant, crimson red eyes. A swing came for his head and he managed to block it, catching the hilt with the hook of his own weapon and twisted it around, forcing the weapon from his opponent’s hand in a single twist. If this were a spar, the fight would have been over, but the fool would learn a valuable lesson that day. 

Never assume a disarmed opponent was helpless, and never assume that an opponent only carried one weapon on him. The jingle of the bells warned him of another strike. Lü Meng caught it coming from the left and just barely dodged, falling to a knee and watching the dagger zip over his head. And just like that, the fight only escalated from there and he found himself on a strict defensive, as the man revealed a second dagger. 

He went for several areas, vital areas that would have put a quick end to the fight. Lü Meng was quick to guard those areas, either twisting around or barely moving the glaive and its hilt around in tight turns, never once realizing he was moving exactly where the thief turned warrior wanted him to go until his back hit a tree. With no where to go, he found himself pinned as a dagger dug into the cloth at his shoulder, successfully limiting the mobility of his swinging arm. Not a good position any warrior wanted to be in and the thief knew it! He snickered, catching the glaive with his foot and looking to plunge the other dagger into his opponent’s exposed neck, only to be stopped when the other caught his wrist and held it back. 

The man clad in bells was strong, though thankfully not as strong as Zhou Tai. Those hours spent sparring with the former pirate likely saved himself from instant death, but it wasn’t from lack of trying on the thief’s part. He held him captive in this position, seeking to drive the blade closer and closer, merely needing the teeny tiny push forward, merely waiting for Lü Meng’s strength to give way for a split second. It was not a good predicament to be in but like hell he’d give up without a fight.

At least his opponent could see his fight and there was a gleam in those crimson eyes that almost seemed… admirable. “You ain’t bad, but you can’t beat me. Do you even know who I am?”

Lü Meng growled, answering truthfully and almost letting his arm slip. “No. Should I?”

He wasn’t sure how but he certainly left a wound on the man’s pride. His face scrunched into a rather black look and he released the dagger that pinned Lü Meng to the tree to add even more weight to his impending doom. In response, Lü Meng released his glaive and tried to counter, but it seemed futile. “Ha, well, let me tell you before I kill you. Name’s Gan Ning of the Bells, and you-”

He could say no more before his proclamation was drowned out by the angry wails of the horse. Lü Meng watched as the bulking grey stallion charged at the man named Gan Ning. Any man, whether decked head to toe in armor or sporting nothing but pants, boots and bells at his waist, move out of the way of a horse’s path when it charged and Gan Ning was no different. He released Lü Meng and sought to put distance between himself and the vexed beast, but to no avail! 

Whereas most horses would have rushed forward and hold their ground once they spooked their opponent, this one went onto the attack. He kicked his muscular feet at Gan Ning and gnashed its teeth, longing to tear flesh should the man be foolish or unfortunate within its range. He swung his great head about, even using the rope as if it were a chained mace. Lü Meng had never seen a horse go on the offensive like that. Neither did Gan Ning, as he cursed and flailed about, doing anything he could think of to escape the horse’s wrath. Lü Meng found it hard to judge him for his panic, as he had seen far too many of his fellow officers take a beating at that particular horse’s hands (sort of) to judge any one man or woman harshly, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy a good laugh at the man’s expense. 

Not that he did- adrenaline was one hell of a drug and considering how close the thief had come to driving a dagger into his neck and leaving his corpse for his lord or another to find as he made off with the horse, the most he could muster was a crooked grin. Now that his life was out of danger for a moment, he pulled the dagger from the tree and freed himself from the dagger’s grip. He stalked towards the man and the ballistic horse, pondering if he should have simply stood by and let him try his luck with the horse on his own. It would have served him right. He deserved to have his hand lopped clean off and be sent on his way, but Lü Meng wouldn’t be the one to exact such a punishment. If anyone could have the authority for such action, it’d be Sun Ce. It was one of his horses he tried to steal, after all…

If any were to handle the matter, let it be his lord. Lü Meng thought on the matter for a moment more before stepping in, making sure he announced himself for the horse’s sake, as well as his own as to not startle it with a sudden approach and thus turn its rage onto him. “Alright, settle down. He’s not going to hurt you.”

“Like hell! That thing’s looking for blood!”

Gan Ning may have been ducking and dodging, avoiding teeth and hooves, but there was little fear in his voice. Only anger, and Lü Meng snapped at him. “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the horse.”

Eventually the man lost his footing and went down in a heap of swears and jingling bells, and before the stallion could crush him, Lü Meng stepped in, grabbing the ropes that still dangled from its muzzle and called to the horse once more, pitching his voice low and calm, hoping to spread that soothing aura onto the rightly justified horse. “There, there, enough. He can’t possibly hurt you. Now settle down.”

The horse offered some resistance but not much, taking a liking to Lü Meng’s voice and ceasing its wild bucking. He grunted and snorted, flaring his nostrils, sparing the fallen thief from his trampling hooves but not its watchful gaze. He pinned the thief with the ferocity of his stare alone, accepting the gentle strokes from Lü Meng though had he released the ropes, both were certain that he’d charge him again. As humorous as that may have been, Lü Meng had his fair share of ‘fun’ for this evening.

As did Gan Ning, it seemed, as he merely sat on his rear and made no effort to either collect his belongings to fight or flee. If Lü Meng was expecting an apology or show of gratitude, then he’d be leaving empty handed, as it was clear that there’d be none forthcoming. Oh, he looked the part of a child that didn’t get what he wanted and his sneer rivaled that of his nephew when he was in the middle of a tantrum. “Fine. Keep the stupid thing. Ain’t going to get much for something as wild and unruly as that anyways.”

“Wild and unruly he may be, but he’s not yours,” Lü Meng said with a sternness that he was sometimes forced to use on his nephew and niece from time to time. To have to use it on a grown man… how embarrassing! Still, to hear that he would have sold the horse made him ponder and despite his foul mood, he could not silence his curious mind. “What were you going to do with the gold anyway? Food? Clothing? Supporting your family?”

Gan Ning spat, looking to be trying to push himself back up but a grunt from the horse kept him seated for awhile more. “As if anything so noble.”

Lü Meng took a wild guess. “Wine?”

Now that brought out a smile and his honesty hardly surprised him now. “Yep. And maybe food. Gotta eat.”

“Then why not steal those too? You’re willing to risk your life for a horse, why not steal wine and food, things that can’t physically fight back?”

It was perhaps the dumbest question he could ask but what else was he good for? Gan Ning’s eyes narrowed but whatever sarcastic remark he had on his mind would remain a mystery. He said nothing on that matter and seemed eager to draw an end to this encounter. “Heh, like you’d understand, what with your life of luxury and soldiering ways. So, you going to kill me now or what? Because if you want me to beg, it ain’t gonna happen.”

The remark struck deep, but if there could be any good that came from his suffering at Zhou Yu’s hands earlier in the day was that his wounds had no scabbed over and left it calloused, protecting the raw nerves beneath it. He gave the stallion another comforting pat on the neck before turning his attention to the man entirely. All reason and logic told him to kill this Gan Ning of the Bells, but he didn’t raise his glaive against the man. He may have acted tough and he may have been a thief, but he seemed honest and desperate. And it was that desperation that he tried to hide behind snide remarks and gruffness that cried out to Lü Meng. Was he not so desperate once? Was that not why he found himself in Sun Ce’s army at all?

No weapon dropped onto Gan Ning, but gold instead, and he half-wondered if he was suppose to feel some measure of amusement at the man’s confound expression. Wouldn’t enjoying that put him on par with Zhou Yu? He fought down the feeling as he pointed to the woods that stretched away from their camp. “Here… that should be enough. But if you really want to get more, you should find a more honest profession.”

“... Are you stupid?”

He almost regretted giving him what little gold he did, and he replied with a rather intimidating glower. “Would stupid release this rope and allow this horse to crush you into ground meat?”

And the way Lü Meng slacked on the rope made the man scoop up the gold that was thrown at him and bite his lip to silence any smart ass remark that begged to escape those lips. Yes, it was rather satisfying to see another so as he was told, even if it did put him in the same crowd as Zhou Yu, and he kept a careful eye on the man as he gathered his weapons and stalked towards the woods. Before he vanished into the dense trees, however, he paused and looked back at him. Lü Meng said nothing, waiting for him to speak or perhaps jump on to the attack again to get the rest of the gold that was stashed in his breast plate. But neither came. Without uttering a word, the man decked in intricate tattoos and bells looked him over and battle-hardened face broke into the strangest smile that Lü Meng ever seen. It wasn’t kind like Sun Ce’s, nor was it mocking like Zhou Yu’s. It rattled him to his very core, and just like that, Gan Ning of the Bells was gone, leaving behind a disgruntled grey stallion and a victorious but confused Lü Meng. 

“Now what the hell was that look about?”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_CRASH! SMASH!_

It was not Gan Ning’s intentions to make quite as big of a mess as he did and he wasn’t sure how it had escalated that quickly, but two things were for certain. He wasn’t going to pay for the broken cups and pots, nor would he clean the mess.

Those near his ‘chambers’ head the foreboding sound and knew to steer clear, lest they desired to be made an example of. None dared get near Gan Ning when he took to the drink and even here in Jing Province, they had learned to be weary of the former pirate.

And he was perfectly okay with this. Sure it would mean having to serve himself, but what man could even call himself a man if he didn’t help himself first? He was no lofty, long-nailed pasty white noble who needed his wine served to him in a jade chalice. He didn’t need someone to wait on him, or feed him. He was not a pampered kitten in need of them anyway. He could damn well help himself and he did. And he made damn sure that he did it all within Lü Meng’s damned ‘rules’, all so that he could rub it all in the man’s face. 

Assuming there’d be enough of a face left from digging into scrolls and snooping around like a damned hellhound. A bloodthirsty, overbearing, holier than thou hellhound with saggy wrinkles like a shar pei that cared more about keeping up ‘good relations’ with the locals than in taking care of himself, or caring about his-

Someone was calling for him and the former pirate was ready. He had excuses planned and ready, and honestly he hoped it was Lü Meng. He couldn’t wait to see the look on his grumpy old face. He couldn’t wait to see just how worse it’d get when he explained that these broken bowls were purchased with the esteemed Chief-Commander’s gold and how he could not dare to think to punish him. Then maybe he’d talk to him and get through to him.

Or Gan Ning would have found himself roaming the afterlife without a head…

To his dismay, the one to find him wasn’t Lü Meng at all, but another. Someone he wanted to see even -less- of… or more? He was too drunk to have figured that out. “Oh, it’s just you.”

“Nice to see you too, jerk,” said Ling Tong, not at all sparing him a sharp look and he didn’t even look at the mess he made. He looked ready to argue, but it seemed that whatever he came to tell him was simply too great for them to exchange their usual pleasantries. Gan Ning may have been drink and spiteful, but even he could see how urgent his voice seemed. “We got a situation and you’re needed, immediately.”

Gan Ning let loose a sigh and flopped down on the cushions with a jingle and his stance was really easy to read. “And here I am, sloshed beyond hope. What a pity… who needs me and who do I get to fight?”

Ling Tong glanced around the room, only now noticing the mess, though it didn’t distract him for long. “It’s… complicated. Not sure if it’s going to resort to fighting. But you need to come with me. Orders are orders, you know.”

This did not intrigue the former pirate in the least. He hated complicated things and he hated pesky things like ‘orders’ too. Especially since it meant it probably came from him. No, he had no interest in going and he waved the younger officer off. “No fight, then no need for me. Go on.”

He seldom got tired of this game. He’d bide his time until ‘you-know-who’ came to confront him in person, then maybe he’d move. For now, he merely fell onto his back and rolled to the side, showing his back to Ling Tong and letting him know what he’d have to try a little harder to get him moving.

And Ling Tong, bless his conflicted little heart, fell right into the trap. He snapped, and quite viciously too. “I’m serious, Gan Ning!” You really need to move your ass!”

“Who gave the order?” Gan Ning kept his back turned. He tried to imagine how angry he’d look and while it held its own special place in his heart, it hardly compared to Lü Meng’s. Then again, very few did. “And what’s so complicated about it?”

“Lu Xun gave the order, and does it matter? It’s bad… I think.”

Now this only further cemented his position on the cushions and he let it be known with a snicker. “Ha! That little imp? Wrong answer. When the order comes from either Lord Quan or our ‘esteemed Chief-Commander’, then maybe I’ll move.” He added with a snort and sounded as though he were beginning to drift to sleep. “Maybe.”

Ling Tong was full of surprises and now was no different. He could hear him approaching but his reflexes were dulled by the gratuitous amounts of wine consumed, as Ling Tong was upon him. He pulled him where he would lay on his back and force him to look at him now. His words and the depth of the dread that underscored his angered words allowed the former pirate to have a hint of just how dire the situation truly was. “Our ‘esteemed Chief-Commander’ is in danger, Gan Ning!”

Lightning flared across the sky as the rain picked up again, almost as though even the weather wanted to help get through to Gan Ning. He could only stare at Ling Tong, so many emotions beginning to swirl within him that they all seemed to merge in within each other and made it impossible to pinpoint a single one when Gan Ning finally croaked. “What?”

~*~*~

“Do we need to rest for a moment?”

It was Zuo Ci that lured Lü Meng away from the visions, and the lightning strikes left him blinded much longer than he would have liked. This time he couldn’t refrain from letting out a gasp and pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose and forehead, meaning to block the offending light as well as dull the pain that racked in his head. It was like someone was throwing a mace against the walls of his skull!

“No, no, it’s alright,” Lü Meng said, speaking only when he was certain a groan wouldn’t sneak into his voice. Little by little, the pain ebbed into a more manageable throb. He lowered his hand slowly, resting it against his knee and gripping it, though… not as tightly as before. “I notice a lack of genuine concern in your voice, though. I have a feeling you’re causing these sudden headaches, mystic.”

“Always so suspicious and so quick to assume the worst in others.” Zuo Ci shook his head and his voice held only a shred of ‘pity’. Lü Meng didn’t believe it for a second. “Zhou Yu bred that into you, did he not?”

Lü Meng shrugged. “Perhaps, but I think it was for good reason. He’s right, after all.”

“You truly think so?”

“Would I be saying it if I didn’t? You have me here. You know I cannot lie in here.” The headache subsided but Lü Meng remained on edge. He noted how the mystic had deflected his accusation and he merely kept his own deck hidden for now. He didn’t need Zuo Ci to inform him of what he already knew to be true. “As harsh as his methods were when he started out, he was preparing me for the real warfare. The one that hides behind the battlefield and is far more dangerous than any blade or man that wielded said weapon.”

“Politics.”

“Exactly. I didn’t understand at the time, nor would I for an embarrassingly long time later. He was training me, preparing me, because he had the foresight to know that would be pulled into it eventually.”

Zuo Ci seemed perplexed. He asked, “I see, but you sound so certain? Was he truly acting in your best interests or are you merely making excuses for him now that you’ve come to respect him?”

“You saw what I just saw, right?” Lü Meng flexed his fingers and focused on making himself comfortable. His toes were beginning to fall asleep. “He had a cold and calculating looking in his eyes, but he was coaching, as well as antagonizing. At the time, he thought it was the only way to get through to me.”

“A peculiar method, I’ll admit… assuming it’s true. I see a jealous man who clearly knows what he can get away with and how to do it.”

Zuo Ci remained unconvinced, but Lü Meng refrained from raising his voice as he shook his head from side to side. “Then you’re looking at it through the lens of a foolish and guileless young man that had no idea how the world worked. He taught me much even before he and Master Lu Su took me in as their student. I only regret that I ignored those lessons for as long as I did.”

“You are indeed strange, Lü Meng.”

“Or changed. I like to think of it like that.”

“Oh yes, and changed you did.” At least they found something to agree on, but Lü Meng was certain that he was merely preparing to gather more dirt to sling at him. “However, I ponder, if that change was natural or a manipulation from those around you. How splendidly they must have worked if you think of them as beneficial to you.”

Lü Meng shook his head. Would this old man ever talk straight? Of course not. “Change isn’t natural. To suggest such is foolishness. And if you suspect that Zhou Yu manipulated me, then you may as well start accusing others of that supposed crime too, while you’re here. People influence one another, some more than others, and for good and for ill. So long as that influence is to bring out one’s true potential and to do good, should it matter?”

Zuo Ci took a moment to soak in Lü Meng’s words, likely looking for a way to twist them around to suit his own need but Lü Meng was prepared. The mystic may have given the appearance of a man who held an open mind, but he knew better. He was a man on a mission, and Lü Meng was certain he would have little luck in deterring him from his mission just as Zuo Ci would have little luck dissuading him from his own. Finally, Zuo Ci found his voice again and though steadfast and courageous, even Lü Meng was put off by the ocean deep laughter that emanated from the mystic’s chest. It may not have terrified him, but it certainly put him on edge. He waited as patiently as he could for Zuo Ci to have his fill so that they could carry on with this ‘trial’, and yet when it finally did, Lü Meng couldn’t combat the chill that show down his spine as well as the dull ache in his chest from a reopened wound that was once healed, or so he thought. “Zhou Yu and this Lu Su, they trained you well, I see. Though, trained may be the incorrect term. More like… tamed, because you were naught but a wild beast before.”

“A beast, you say?” Lü Meng chewed on the word and gave it a taste, and he determined he didn’t like it.

“Indeed. Your actions against your lord’s enemies is all the proof I need. Loyal, yes, but blindingly so. You were told by others that your lord had every right to the Wu territories, but what proof did he actually have? Did you ever set eyes upon this proof? Have you ever once questioned this supposed proof?” Zuo Ci was on the verbal offensive and he left no opening. Lü Meng had tried to interrupt but the mystic parried the words before they could even leave his mouth. “No, you never did. You never questioned Sun Ce’s actions nor his orders. You obeyed. You waited for orders, you only wished to fight. Someone else would point you in the direction of your enemies and you’d only react, lash out, never once stopping to consider how you were assisting your lord in the theft of another’s home and their lives.”

Lü Meng bristled and his shoulders tensed, but he could say nothing, as he didn’t trust himself not to fall into Zuo Ci’s trap. Oh, he knew it was a trap. Like Zhou Yu, he was jabbing and poking him, looking for a reaction, like prodding up a tiger trapped in a cage. That cage was getting smaller by the second. Those sticks, sharper, becoming swords.

“You were nothing more than an animal during your lord’s invasion of the Wu territories, baring your teeth, striking down others with claws, too busy wanting to appease your bloodlust and your master to hear their cries of protest. What did they matter to you? Like an animal, you saw the world in only black and white. If they stood at the pointed end of your glaive, they were your enemy and needed only to be struck down. If they stood besides you, then they were your ally, but then, were they really?”

“We did not fight everyone,” Lü Meng said, somehow managing to not only get a word in during his tirade, but keeping the anger from his gruff voice. An amazing feat considering the man’s accusations. “Many joined us willingly. Jiang Qin, Dong Xi, Lord Qiao and his daughters. Those that didn’t fight also welcomed us as well.”

“Yes, but why?”

“Because they honored Sun Ce’s claim and his charisma drew them in.”

“Or because they did not wish to invoke the wrath of a man who would earn the title of the Little Conqueror, though of course that never crossed your mind, not at all.” And yet, Zuo Ci had a perfect counter. He was beginning to hate this man. “Not loyal, mindless, beastly you. You never questioned why so many flocked to Sun Ce’s side, so soon after he had defeated the likes of Kong Rong and Taishi Ci.”

Now Lü Meng fought down the impulse to sneer, as the very name of the warrior struck him hard, slamming his heart like a spiked whip and once one of the thorns caught, it coiled around it like a snake that had found the perfect prey. Lü Meng tried to hide such a reaction, but all Zuo Ci needed was to see that look in his eyes to know that he had struck him deep. “Yes, Taishi Ci. That name brings you much turmoil, and I cannot help but wonder why.”

There was no point in denying the mystic’s observation, but he was not eager to discuss the matter in the least. Not yet. Not ever, if he could help it. “Now, you’re getting ahead of yourself, aren’t you? He haven’t even reclaimed our own homes yet. Far too early to try and dig at that wound.”

“Quite true. I will enjoy that story, but in its time. For now, perhaps I shall poke at… other wounds. Though your lord emerged victorious in ‘reclaiming’ his home, it came at a cost, did it not?”

Lü Meng’s sigh was heavy. Some relief, mixed with annoyance fueled it. Spared, and yet thrown into another frying pan. “As does everything. Whatever I lost is not enough to sully what we had gained, not even in the slightest.”

“So cold and practical, something that only reflects the efforts of Zhou Yu taming you. Did he tell you that, or was it something you learned later in your career, as a way of coping with such heavy losses?”

He knew who he was talking about, but he’d be damned if he’d give the man anymore satisfaction than he already had taken from this ordeal. There was some snark in his voice though it was all a cover and he suspected that Zuo Ci would see right through the smokescreen with ease, but that didn’t make him try any less. “I don’t know. You’re going to find out anyways, right? See for yourself.”

“I had every intention.”


	11. Monachopsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng ignores orders and runs head first into trouble...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction, inspired by the novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the video game series Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors. Names of individuals that I could not find their names either through the Koei Warriors Wiki or Kongming Archives are given false names and (hopefully) bare no resemblance to any other persons or characters, either living or dead.

Life was mysterious, wonderful, terrifying, convenient, and inconvenient, all at once. Or perhaps it was all in accordance to fate and its fickle nature, as one moment you’re given a boon and the next you’re wondering if the situation could possibly get any worse (and then cursing yourself for issuing a blatant challenge). Life was fragile, despite the heavy armor some man wore, and fate would be exceptionally cruel with little to no reason at all.

Casualties were a constant when it came to warfare. Lü Meng was taught this but he never truly understood it until Sun Ce had made their march into Wujun. The moment they crossed into Jiangdong, Lü Meng was thrust right into the fray, as Ling Cao had a reputation of being the first to storm the fields and given that he was his charge, Lü Meng would follow after him. In a way, he was grateful for the horse thief’s action that night, as it granted him a horse and made keeping up with Ling Cao’s charge slightly easier. 

And what a horse Ying was! It seemed his efforts had managed to endear the ornery horse to him. It took him no time at all to get a saddle on him and break him in, though he had noted that the horse kept most of its unfriendly quirks and was merely using the man as a means to express its deep rooted rage. An outlet, Sun Ce had told him when he explained the situation to his lord once. The grey stallion, named Ying by his owner, had a serious chip on his shoulder, and he used battle as a means of unleashing that aggression and furious energy, and Lü Meng allowed it. Any help they could get in this campaign was welcomed, even if it came from hooves and teeth.

Now, more than ever, he was grateful for acquiring Ying, as though he was not the swiftest of their horses, he kept Ling Cao and his horse in sights, as they rushed the fields. Ling Cao was a stressful teacher to have, as most, if not all of his lessons came in the moment, and Lü Meng was finding those moments were in the heat of battle. It made keep an eye on him and keeping himself alive a bit of a problem, but at least his lessons stuck. Think only of the battle. When it came to life and death, it didn’t matter what was on the enemy’s mind except that they wanted you dead, and that you had to make them dead first. And with Ling Cao’s unrelenting offensive, the enemy would find itself either dead or confused, which left them free game for those that came behind him. Zhou Yu called it a ‘blitz’, or a ‘hit-and-run’. Lü Meng called it ‘good work’ since he was usually part of that sweep up crew.

He should have been annoyed by this, considering it took the glory away from him, but after the first few blitz and the carnage left behind that Lü Meng had fought through, he found that being part of the sweep wasn’t bad. Before, he fought bandits, scoundrels, low lives that preyed off of men like him and those of Fupo. Men unworthy of the breath they breathed, the clothes they wore. There was no value in their lives and thus he felt nothing when he tore his weapon through them. But the men he charged against now… bore a different banner. Their armor was better, state issued, their weapons either issued to them or purchased by themselves. They had not struck first- he did, Ling Cao and the rest of Sun Ce’s men did. Their blows were backed by a need to survive, to defend a land they called their own, not to steal and plunder. It made the first few battles a nightmare for Lü Meng to fight through, but Ling Cao offered him safe advice.

‘Don’t think. Just react. Act. Before they act against you.’

Shutting off his mind and simply thinking of the battle at hand did help to some extent. He would eventually stop noticing the subtle differences in the armor between what bandits wore and what the enemy here wore. The quality and origins of the weapons meant nothing when they were going to be used to take a life anyways. Eventually, he wouldn’t even notice faces, as he found that if he followed Ling Cao’s lead and rushed in for the kill, he would be moving too fast to absorb the looks of fear or horror that so many wore when they saw their deaths coming for them.

This was the life of a soldier, and he had volunteered for this. He willingly put himself here. This was what he was meant to do with his life, he decided. Did it matter who his enemy was, when he knew that they would attempt to kill him all the same? Kill or be killed. He learned that fast.

He also learned to keep his eyes on Ling Cao and not let his gaze wander for too long, as he cast his gaze in front of him and could not see either him, his spiked mace in mid swing, nor his horse among the crowd.

That wasn’t good.

What also wasn’t good was the shout he heard from behind, causing him to twist his head around and immediately spotting the warrior that now rushed past and cut through their ranks. He ignored the soldiers in his path and those unfortunate enough to try and stop him were met with a blow from those reinforced steel rods he carried. He made his gallant charge alone, and his target? Sun Ce. Lü Meng didn’t need to get a good look at the heavily armored warrior to know who he was and he sneered the man’s name, as he pulled on the reins and changed course to intercept him. “Taishi Ci.”

There were few among their enemy that continued to oppose them, but the undisputed champion among them was the warrior named Taishi Ci. Lü Meng had encountered the man multiple times throughout the campaign, but those encounters had always been brief, only in passing, and now Lü Meng was determined to make sure he would not make it to his lord again. Wherever Ling Cao was, he’d understand. 

Ying, sensing his master’s urgency, did not once balk or offer resistance to the sudden change of directions and it did not take long for either man to reach their desired target. One of the heavy rods he wielded was crashing down to crush Sun Ce but not only had the Sun lord deflect the blow but Lü Meng had made his pass, thrusting his glaive forward and attempting to strike his exposed flank. There was no opening in the man’s armor and the glaive merely bounced off and the noise alerted Taishi Ci to his oncoming assailant. A single swing had succeeded in dismounting Lü Meng, but he wasn’t going down alone. He latched onto the weapon and threw off of his weight against it, and even a man as strong as Taishi Ci had little choice but to go down with him. They fell into a heap at Sun Ce’s feet and Lü Meng efforts to recover were hindered by the massive man he had taken down. Taishi Ci’s horse fled to a safe distance and Ying had likely trotted around them, seeking to terrorize any that dared get near them, so the fear of being trampled by multiple hooves was off his mind. No, now all he had to concern himself with was putting himself in between his lord and their enemy. 

He rose to his feet with a roll and took his stance, the rush of adrenaline preventing that twinge in his side from making its presence felt as he rose his glaive to strike. Sun Ce was quick to check him, moving a tonfa over his chest and reversing the position in a heartbeat. Lü Meng dared not take his eyes off of the enemy completely, missing Sun Ce’s expression as he gave an order. “Back down, Lü Meng. I can handle this guy.”

He wanted to argue and he tried, even as soldiers on both sides began to circle them, making it clear that there would be another duel between the young Sun lord and Taishi Ci. He had faith in his lord’s abilities and had known them to have draw twice before, but who knew how long that luck would hold out. How was he expected to stand by and allow his lord to just waltz into danger like this?

“You’re not my bodyguard anymore, remember?” Sun Ce snapped when he didn’t move, and while there was no anger in his voice, he could not deny the authoritative tone in it. By now, Taishi Ci was ready, his twin rods raised and neither jeering or provoking his enemies. He stood poised and ready, waiting patiently for Lü Meng to step aside. Still Lü Meng hesitated and Sun Ce pitched his voice softer, kinder, to contrast the rising tension that threatened to suffocate them. “I got this. I need you to tend to the vanguard with Ling Cao. That’s an order.”

Damn Sun Ce. He knew Lü Meng could not disobey a direct order, nor had he ever figured out his riddle. It was part of being a soldier, he reminded himself, and he tried to feed his anger to combat the shame that gnawed at his innards. All it took was a whistle and Ying was galloping towards him, slowing down only long enough for Lü Meng to grab the reins and practically glide onto the saddle. He gave his lord a parting glance but nothing more, his retreat masked only by the clashing of weapons that commenced once he was gone and no one else would interfere.

When he caught up with Ling Cao’s unit, he spotted the gaping hole that the warrior left in his wake, and the enemy that had been fortunate to avoid the man’s endless assault began to try and fill in those gaps. To someone like him who had the chance to see the formation from afar, he could see the danger that closed in on the ranks, but to those now caught in the chaos, he could imagine just how easy it would have been to panic when their were suddenly enemies on each side. And among those officers he could see the familiar banner of Deng Dang, Fa Shi, and the rest of his unit from Runan. He didn’t know what the formation was, but he knew enough to know that it was bad…

“Hold your position!” Someone shouted, and Ying protested with an angered whinny when another horseman pulled alongside him suddenly. A few pats to his thick neck had calmed him for the moment and Lü Meng recognized the man. He was the one that Zhou Yu had returned with and he had helped him back to his feet after he cut the horse’s saddle. Lu Su… he thought so. He was considerably taller than him and rather hefty looking for a man that tended to maps and scrolls. And yet, he still managed to catch that rather condescending look in his eyes, a common trait for any man that called themselves a strategist, it seemed. “If you rush in now, you’ll break our own formation. Wait.”

“But our men…”

Lü Meng would eventually learn not to argue with a strategist, especially when it came to matters of warfare. “They’re doing exactly what they’re suppose to. Captain Deng Dang’s unit will keep a tight formation and once they are completely surrounded, they’ll-”

“Get slaughtered?”

Lü Meng couldn’t stand this. How could anyone just stand back and watch the brewing of a catastrophe and not be expected to act? He was ready to rush in but Lu Su somehow managed to catch him again.

“As if we’d allow that, now settle down. You’re just as impossible as he keeps making you out to be…” He blocked Lü Meng with his horse and though Ying protested, it kept the horse and his even more restless man in place. Lü Meng didn’t need to ask who he was talking about and it would figure Zhou Yu’s resentment of him would spread to others. Once again, Lu Su was trying to explain it to him, but what did Lü Meng care? One of their soldiers fell and Lü Meng nearly panicked. Did he know the man? Did it matter? An ally was an ally, and they were in danger. He pressed his heels to Ying’s flanks and the horse was more than ready, and this time, Lu Su could not catch him. 

He shouted after him but Lü Meng heard nothing over the pounding hooves and the roar of the mob he was rapidly approaching. His weapon was drawn and primed and he wasted no time in cutting through the enemy ranks, pressing forward until he became too thick to proceed any further. Not even Ying’s aggressive approach could pull them from this quagmire, but he fought on, swinging his weapon in wide arcs and repelling enemy blades but never digging into either armor or flesh. If he had his wits about him, he would have had enough breath to curse himself, but all of his energy went into keeping himself and his horse alive and mounted. He wasn’t even looking for an opening now, much less thinking about reaching their surrounded men…

He felt something dig into the plating on his back and turned to see the soldier that now tried to dismount him, but his efforts were in vain. Another horseman had broken through and a single swing from his heavy rake shattered the wooden hilt of the spear, thus freeing Lü Meng and throwing the officer back and into the crowd behind him. There was no chance to thank his savior before Lu Su snatched the reins from his hands and forced Ying back into a run. The grey horse nor its rider offered much resistance at this point. Lu Su spoke tersely but never raised his voice, despite the confusion around them and Lü Meng was surprised he could even hear him over the mad thumping of his own heart in his ears. “Don’t you ever do that again. Now, follow my lead.”

What choice did Lü Meng have now? He went against this man’s orders once before and look where that got him! He was too breathless to say anything and merely nodded, taking back his reins when they were offered to him again and trying to recapture a fraction of that courage that he had moments ago to little luck. He was such a fool to ride off on his own…

~*~*~

 

That thought ran through his head many times throughout the day and later on into the evening, almost to the point he was all too consumed by it. The battle was over, though how, Lü Meng wasn’t sure. Oh, he remembered the event, from when Lu Su took the lead and so forth, but he didn’t understand what had happened. He told himself it didn’t matter how, so long as they won, and yet he could not shut his brain off. He didn’t understand, and he hated that he didn’t understand.

What he did understand, though, besides that Zhou Yu was right and that he was an idiot, was that they did suffer losses today. He was thrown into even more turmoil to know who was among those that had fallen. He had a feeling in his gut, from the moment he witnessed it on the outskirts with Lu Su, he knew that the man he saw fall was Fa Shi, though his brain had tried to mask this for so long until his body was recovered and was laid with the rest. Sun Ce would commence with the proper memorial service soon, but Lü Meng wasn’t sure he could stomach it. 

As brief and straightforward as these events were, they always felt… wrong to Lü Meng. He wouldn’t cry, as he was certain all of those were shed when Chin passed, but he felt something stir within him, something dark and it would horrify him to the point that he would be the first one to bolt out of the ceremony when they were dismissed. He would be filled so much restless energy that he would either go train or dive into whatever mundane but laborious task that needed to be done. He was a soldier now. Death on the battlefield was ideal, not not inevitable. How was he expected to react?

He didn’t know the answer, and he did not look for one. Today was no different. When Sun Ce dismissed those in attendance, Lü Meng practically flew from the congregation and looked for something to busy himself with, but his efforts were dashed when Deng Dang caught him.

“Talk to me, brother.”

Deng Dang never shouted, never raised his voice, even when he had every right to. Especially now when it was apparent that Lü Meng wanted nothing to do with it. If he had screamed or even struck him, he wouldn’t have blamed him. After all, Fa Shi was his second, a loyal and dependable soldier, and most of all a friend. If anyone had a reason to lash out, it would be Deng Dang.

Lü Meng held his tongue, which only caused Deng Dang to try even harder. “Meng, please. Talk to me.”

He never begged before. He’d usually do this pseudo-order thing, not to much an officer seniority but something akin to an older sibling pushing their authority onto a younger. But he’d never beg before. It was that desperation he heard in his voice that made Lü Meng give in though unwillingly. “What do you want to talk about?”

He knew what. He was an idiot, but he at least knew that much. He wanted to talk about Fa Shi, but Lü Meng wasn’t ready, nor did he think he would ever be. He spared him from having to broach the subject, however. He owed his brother-in-law that much. “I’m sorry. About Fa Shi.”

“Yeah… yeah, me too,” Deng Dang said, whatever relief he may have felt knowing he wouldn’t have to pry his brother-in-law to talk was for naught, as one had to be heartless not to hear the anguish he tried to desperately hide. “But he went down swinging so at least he has that. And we came out victorious so his death isn’t in vain. That’s always good.”

Lü Meng was certain that Deng Dang was merely grasping at something, anything to justify his comrade’s death and for now, Lü Meng let him have it. He had done this with Chin before and now Lü Meng had no heart to speak against him, or even speak at all. He offered him a nod and nothing more. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough. “What’s on your mind?”

To that, Lü Meng snorted, his sorrow barely hiding his resentment. “Nothing. Nothing’s ever on my mind.”

Hadn’t Zhou Yu already stressed this? Didn’t Lu Su confirm it? It was something he didn’t want to think about, and so he wouldn’t. Or would not have, if Deng Dang would just leave him be! “Okay, fine, since you’re going to be that way. What’s in your heart?”

“My heart?”

“How are you feeling? You claim to have nothing in your head, so there are only three other places for your thoughts to go. Next stop is the heart.”

There was a hint of mirth in that response, but it was strained, forced, meant to mask the depths of his pain, and for his sake, he gave in again. “I feel… like I messed up. Had I not been distracted by Taishi Ci, I could have kept up and provided support. Maybe had protected Fa Shi.”

His brother-in-law mulled over Lü Meng’s confession and let out a sigh. Was he thinking the same thing? A thought struck his weakened conscience. Did Deng Dang blame him? Could he have saved Fa Shi? A sudden weight on his shoulder forced him from his sudden but brief panic attack and Deng Dang’s smile was filled with nothing short of pity. “Had you kept up with Ling Cao, you’d still have left us in the dust and you’d just be looking at it from another end. And had you not intercepted Taishi Ci, or lord may have been in real danger. Had you been with us, you would have been in the same position as us. Who knows… maybe you have have been killed and then your family would have hung me over the nearest river and left me to the alligators.”

It was a terrible attempt at humor and even Deng Dang knew it. “Ah, it sounded funnier in my head. But there was no guarantee that your being there or holding your position would have made a difference at that point. Fa Shi didn’t fall because we were a single man short or because of a faulty position out our end. The enemy simply got the better of him. Or he got unlucky. That’s how it is sometimes, but he went down with a fight, not a whimper. Something not many of us have the luxury of.”

“I don’t think dying in battle is really something we should call a luxury,” Lü Meng said flatly, regretting to speak on the contrary for what Deng Dang had said but at least he knew he could be honest with him and not be ridiculed to hell and back. “What is so luxurious about dying on a battlefield?”

Deng Dang wore a look that chilled Lü Meng to his bones and there was something about it that terrified him more than any enemy he had faced thus far. Even his near disastrous solo run that Lu Su pulled him from had affected him as much as seeing that haunted look in his gaze. Never before had he ever considered the age difference between them as though he called him brother, he was near old enough to be his own father. Never had he thought Deng Dang looked so old, so weathered, until now. “Compared to illness, writhing away, aware that you’re death is on its way and getting to see your family struggling to cope, wanting you to just… die and get it over with. Few things worse in this world than to be on your deathbed, waiting for your last breath and feeling nothing but resentment of those around you that get to live, then the guilt that they’ll be forced to live on without you and knowing you can’t comfort them. Granted, wanting to die quickly just to avoid all of that could be considered selfish, but… wanting someone else to linger on in pain is just as selfish, right? They’ll grieve either way, and you won’t be there to comfort them.” 

It was certainly a mouthful and it struck home. Chin died like that, or at least he had imagined it went like that. Admittedly, he was so absorbed in his own turmoil that he didn’t think of it like that… and he didn’t want to. He felt himself want to choke on his own words, but he managed to fight it down. Somehow. “Yeah… I suppose dying quickly in battle… would be a lot better than that. Even if it is selfish...”

“So yeah, not many people get the luxury of getting the choice of how and when they’ll go. I mean, it’d be nice, but life doesn’t always work out that way.” And just like that, that haunted look dispersed and he actually looked… relieved, almost. Why? Hell if he knew, but anything that wasn’t that dark and haunted expression from before was better in Lü Meng’s mind. “I’ll go say a few more prayers for him. Wish him a safe journey. Would you like to join me now that there isn’t a crowd there?”

Was that it? Was it the crowd that made him so uncomfortable at these things? Somehow he doubted it, and he wasn’t sure how to respond. It was his duty to go. He owed it to Fa Shi to go and pray for his soul, along with the others that had fallen this day. But something did not want him to go, and the question fluttered in and out of his mind a few times, but never managed to filter through to his mouth until now. “Brother, you know he’s the one that caught me that night… when I killed Yu Mao, right?”

Deng Dang nodded.

“Did… he ever tell you why he told me to run away instead of apprehending me?”

This caused Deng Dang’s face to twist into a confused expression and his question did not bode well for Lü Meng at all. “He never told you?”

Lü Meng shook his head and once again, the sorrow he barely contained threatened to break free and consume him. “No.”

“He never told me, even when I asked.” He could tell that he didn’t want to tell him, but both of them respected each other enough to know that there could be nothing but honesty between them. “I figured you would have asked him after… nevermind. I’m sorry, I don’t know why. Whatever his reason, he took it with him. I wish he’d told me, if only to give you some closure on that.”

It was crushing to Lü Meng to know that. He had never thought to ask Fa Shi such a simple question, and why? What answer could Fa Shi had possibly given to him that justified him avoiding the question for so long, he wondered, though now it hardly mattered. Now, he’d never know. The hand that remained on his shoulder grew tight and was meant to offer him some solace, and it did, surprisingly. Even if only a little. “Come on, Meng. Pray with me. For his spirit, and your conscience. You’ll feel better afterwards. I promise.”

Lü Meng didn’t think it possible, but he wouldn’t argue with him. Deng Dang needed this, and so did he, apparently. He was told that souls would linger in between realms if they were tethered by another’s conscience and did Lü Meng truly want to subject Fa Shi’s spirit to that fate? Even if this would not sooth himself, he would for it for Fa Shi. Free him, as he had done for him years ago…

It was almost poetic, Lü Meng thought to himself, following Deng Dang back into the tent. Far more than anything else that Lü Meng thought he could come up with again. He cast the thought aside and steeled himself, hoping that Deng Dang’s hunch was correct. How mortifying would it have been to suffer an anxiety attack now? As if Deng Dang needed more on his plate! For now, he’d pray, in hopes of granting Fa Shi release and clearing his mind… though, he had more hope for the former than the latter by this point.

It had turned out that Deng Dang was right in his hunch. Few officers and family members still lingered in the tent, but no where near as full as it once was. The energy in the air was sullen, thick and heavy like the incense that were lit, but it wasn’t stifling as before. He stuck close to Deng Dang, in hopes of siphoning whatever strength his brother-in-law had as they made their way through. The young officer kept his gaze forward and pinned to a single spot on Deng Dang’s back. It was so that he couldn’t see the faces of the fallen. It was so that he wouldn’t be reminded of the fate that awaited him should he fail. He could have been among them and it was hard to push the thought aside… at least, until they reached Fa Shi’s station. 

From what little he chose to see, he was… peaceful. Clean, nothing at all like a man that had fallen during battle. He didn’t look to see if others were given the same treatment, and he was careful in how he knelt, making certain not to disturb a single effect that was left, out of both respect and fear for impeding their journey. Once he was settled in, it was easy… he didn’t know how much his prayers would matter, but that didn’t hinder him in the least. Perhaps he couldn’t save Fa Shi’s life and perhaps he’d never know why he didn’t turn him in, but praying for a safe journey for his soul was what he -could- do for him? Then he’d do it with gusto.

Time passed. Lü Meng had finished his prayers before Deng Dang but he dared not utter a word or move to disturb his brother-in-law from his heartfelt prayers. He had felt considerably better, though whatever comfort he obtained was at risk when he risked a glance to Deng Dang. His face was contorted with anguish and he turned away to spare him the shame of allowing another to see the tears that threatened to fall. And his final words before ending his prayer offered him no solace at all… “And guide him… when I cannot.”


	12. Lü Meng's Promotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng is promoted through unusual means and Zuo Ci aggravates old wounds...

It seemed to take no time at all for Sun Ce's forces to find victory in the Wu territories though few could have held any doubt in their hearts. Though many opposed them, it was clear that that none could withstand either the military might or the charisma that the young Sun lord had to offer, as those that were not defeated in combat had all but opened their doors to the approaching army. One after the other, each that opposed them were either defeated and repelled from Wujun, or had laid down their arms and offered their services to their new leader. Lü Meng never once questioned these new additions, at least, never aloud. Among those that joined them were pirates, bandits that had turned away from their dark ways and either sought profit, glory, or both under Sun Ce's banner. 

Even Taishi Ci, a man that had fought his lord multiple times to a draw, had joined their army. He could still remember the sense of apprehension that he and others felt when the warrior and his men approached his lord and while several were reaching for their weapons, Sun Ce checked them with a single command. Not a single one disobeyed. To see their greatest opposition simply approach Sun Ce and announced his intentions was the boost to their morale they needed. 

After that moment, those that carried on the fight were few and far between and those willing parties had all but flocked to them now. By the time they reached Wujun's heart, the last of the resistance had no choice but to step down. Not quite the glorious battle that a warrior was expecting but still a worthy outcome. 

Of all of those that willingly joined them, Lü Meng was a little disappointed that none of which included a certain rogue with tattoos or bells, but he kept his disappointment to himself. Those that had joined their ranks were more than enough to make up for his absence and made their fight easier. 

Not that Lü Meng ever doubted his lord's victory here. With Sun Ce at the lead and Zhou Yu and now Taishi Ci at his sides, they could only win, right? He was happy for his lord, but he felt...

He wasn't sure how he felt, actually. The moment the fighting stopped, Lü Meng felt anxious, restless. Was it a good kind of restless or the kind that meant that more trouble was brewing? He had no way of knowing and he was certain that even if he did know, he'd have no way of articulating it to anyone. Not without feeling awkward and completely incompetent.

More so than he already felt, anyways. So he kept his thoughts to himself and kept himself busy until it came to the next fight, which thankfully didn't seem to make them want to wait too much longer. No sooner had they managed to consolidate their power here, another opportunity happened upon them and those wiser and more experienced than him knew of the impending battle that would come once they left Lord Yuan Shu's services. 'Absolute power corrupts absolutely', said Zhou Yu, when word of Yuan Shu's proclamation of making himself emperor hit the air. Of course, Lü Meng didn't understand the saying but he understood enough to know that Sun Ce was going to assist those that rose to put down the nobleman and thus Yuan Shu had become their enemy. 

How fickle was the battlefield, but for a soldier, it was expected and Lü Meng was fine with having another target to take down. Fighting was something he understood and comfortable with. Fighting was something he was remotely good at, so long as he had a target. What did it matter who their enemy was, so long as they were victorious? The fight against Yuan Shu was short, but a decisive victory for those that united against the false emperor, and it did not take long for their lord to earn the title The Little Conqueror. Any battle they had fought was met with victory, meaning new territories, new officers among their ranks, and from what he was hearing through the grapevines (when he chose to listen, anyways), that they had no intentions of stopping there. It seemed that there would be no excruciatingly long periods of time between fights for him, but those times in between were spent with Ling Cao and the training of the recruits, a task that he didn't so much mind and rather enjoyed, but not the task he felt the most comfortable with.

Not that he ever made this complaint known. He longed to be on the front line against the ongoing threat of the Shanyue, an enemy he was familiar with and held little love or compassion for, alongside his brother-in-law and his regiment. Ling Cao wanted to join them as he, too, felt restless and felt he was better suited for the vanguard, but Sun Ce said he had his reasons and neither men argued or questioned that order. The curse of being unwavering loyalty, it seemed...

If Lü Meng had thought his life would become easier after being saddled with Ling Cao in the barracks with the recruits, he was sorely mistaken. If anything, the veteran was eager to keep his young charge hard at work. And he didn't mind it so much. It involved a lot of physical labor, but it kept him busy, active, too focused on his task to notice the tensions rising or allow his conscience the chance to consume him. Ling Cao was worried about his young charge developing idle hands or an idle mind, but under his care, there was no fear of that. He worked so hard some days that he couldn't even remember how he made it home to sleep and would wake the next morning in the barracks, with no recollection of how he got to and from either place. 

Two years passed though Lü Meng hardly noticed. By now, Sun Ce and his men were settled in to their kingdom, and Lü Meng was no different. He had come to accept being away from the action on the front lines and had grown fond of their established capital of Jianye. He never questioned his lord's orders, despite his suspicions and merely went with the flow of things, knowing that there had to have been a good reason behind it and simply leaving it at that. 

Maybe once he settled this damned quaking sensation in his gut and find his place among the army again he'd gather his wits to push to join Deng Dang's ranks, but for now, he was content. He never questioned that they'd settle with the Shanyue too soon and he heard the whispers of problems brewing in the north. Considering the turmoil that plagued the lands, he was certain that he'd find his way to the battlefield once more.

For now, however, he was content with the assignment of tending to the young recruits with Ling Cao and the other senior officer named Han Dang. By now, Shi... no, Zhu Ran, he reminded himself and was thankful to have caught himself now and not have blurted it out the old family name and earned his ire. By now, Zhu Ran and others had reached an acceptable age to enlist and they wasted no time. Even Ling Tong had signed up, much to the dismay of his father, but Sun Ce had allowed it, if only for training and then used not only himself but Lü Meng as an example. It was strange to hear another mention his deeds in a positive light, but he was more than happy to take it. Considering the scorn he received in the past and currently from Zhou Yu, he'd take whatever victory he could get.

Training the new recruits was certainly something he enjoyed and could handle, though they all proved to be a handful. For the most part, Ling Cao and the other senior officer were doing more of the verbal lectures and Lü Meng was there to assist in the exercises. It may not have been the most dignified of roles to play, but considering he was only three or four years their senior than most of the new recruits, he didn't complain. There were days he was thrown around, disarmed, but it was all for the sake of learning, so he took his falls without complaint and did not lash out when Ling Cao or the other went too rough. In turn, he did not hold back against the recruits. Initially he tried, but after a scolding from Ling Cao, he dropped all of that.

The enemy wouldn't hold back against them so why should they? Lü Meng didn't like it, but what could he say or do to argue this? He was certainly right, though he was growing increasingly curious as to who Ling Cao was referring to when he mentioned their enemies. Did he mean the Shanyue? Not Yuan Shu as he was defeated so easily then. Or was there another force that he knew nothing about? He never asked and so he chose not to know. It wasn't for him to know, he told himself. That was that.

Keep it simple. That's what Lü Meng liked. Yet, he even could sense that something was amiss today. Today, he had a feeling that he had done something wrong, as he noticed how eyes would catch him and conversations would end abruptly around him. At first he thought little of it. Maybe some information leaked out and those that recognized him simply didn't want to waste their breath discussing politics or strategy around someone who wouldn't understand. But he had a feeling it wasn't that. He didn't care, and they'd know he didn't care, so why care enough now when they didn't before? He did his best to ignore their looks and carry on, and yet to some it only made them all the more perturbed! 

It was certainly an oddity and he hoped to be rid of such looks soon. He had hoped it was only from passersby, but when he arrived at the barracks, it was clear that something was up, and it involved him. He arrived on time and got straight to work, despite the feel of another's eyes drilling into his back. What the hell did he do? He wanted to ask, but then he'd only expose his ignorance and open the door to ridicule. Would that really be so bad, so long as it meant that he'd know?

"You're here?"

The first to actually speak to him and not of him was Ling Cao and the look he gave him did nothing to settle the pit in Lü Meng's stomach. There was surprise, with a hint of adoration, but mostly pity in those eyes, and Lü Meng answered promptly. "Yes sir. Should I not be?"

Ling Cao looked at him as though he sprouted multiple heads at once, but the expression didn't stick. "I... no, if this is where you'd rather be, then I won't stop you. I'd understand if you'd rather have your leave though."

Leave? Lü Meng was not oblivious to the word. He knew what it was and understood its uses. He knew he was entitled to it, but he had no use for it at the moment. His blank stare spoke volumes and it hurt him to see Ling Cao so disheveled like this and not knowing why. "Like I said, you are welcomed to handle this however way you wish, Lü Meng. No one can force you to... nevermind, I fear I'm terrible at this. Go busy yourself."

That ran ridiculous amounts of warning bells within him and Lü Meng could not stop himself now. He'd rather prove his ignorance than to go another second of being left to flounder in the dark. He was going to ask, but the flood of recruits had rushed in and to his rotten luck, they flocked towards him. 

No, no, of all the times he welcomed their company and now they chose to raise such a clamor! And what a clamor they rose, as he was not only surrounded on each side, but he was bombarded with questions and... congratulations? Ling Cao came to his rescue as he could clearly see his confusion and when his booming voice wasn't enough, he moved in and physically put himself between them, sparing Lü Meng as best he could through unwittingly bringing even more attention to the young man. "Quiet, quiet! One at a time!"

As eager as they were to swarm him, they was a distinct hesitation to go first. It didn't last long. Zhu Ran went first, his excitement only encouraged the rest to speak up now. "We just heard of Lord Sun Ce's verdict! Congratulations on your new position, Lü Meng!"

"New position?" He parroted the word but could do nothing more than that. 

"Yeah, we're going to miss you," one of the recruits said, though who he wasn't sure. He wasn't really paying attention. He was still trying to figure out what they were talking about!

He asked again, wishing he could feel a fraction of the excitement that they all felt for him. "What are you talking about? What is my new position?"

Now there was some confusion among the ranks but it didn't stop Zhu Ran from taking the lead again. "Captain of the Western Regiment. Zhang Zhao felt you were best for the position since you already were familiar with the men stationed there, and Lord Sun-"

"The Western Regiment? No, there must be some mistake. That's Deng Dang's..." The words fell from his lips before he could ever comprehend them, but when they seeped in... it hit him. Hard. Harder than any wave that struck their ships. Ling Cao had stared at him and his expression told a horrifying story, and only now did Lü Meng seem to understand why he seemed so startled to see him today, why everyone was casting him such looks and muttered his name in hushed tones.

Ling Cao had tried to salvage the situation, but it was too late. By the time he demanded the recruits attention, Lü Meng fled the barracks, saying nothing and refusing to slow down, not even when he came close to ramming into the strategist that had just entered the barracks. He heard him call his name but he didn't stop. Couldn't stop. If he stopped, he'd lose whatever control he had and would only further disgrace himself. He had to make it to the stables. He had to grab those letters, find someone that could read them. He had neglected the ones that were not accompanied by a messenger, and he was a fool to do so! Stupid! Stupid!

"Lü Meng," someone called out but Lü Meng didn't slow down. He elbowed the swinging doors and burst into the stables in a manner that left the horses distressed, but not even their startled whinnies could deter him from his mission. The moment he reached Ying's stall, he was digging through the satchel, ignoring the horse's nuzzling as his pursuer caught up with him. Lianshi was out of breath and was wise to keep her distance as even gripping the stall door put Ying on edge. "Lü Meng, are you alright?"

He wanted to be polite and give her the respect she deserved. He always respected her and even enjoyed her company and assistance, but he couldn't dull the edge in his voice. He pulled out parchment after parchment as he shook his head. "No, I'm not. My lady, can... you can read, right?"

He wasn't looking at her so he couldn't see if she nodded, but she gave him a verbal response, just as he found the parchment he was looking for. Or he thought so; they all looked the same! "Yes, I can. You can't?"

Years ago he lied to Zhu Ran. Today, he might have lied to Lianshi, but what was the point? He grabbed the parchment and pressed it against her hands, the motion betraying him as she could see how much he trembled. "No, I never had to... farmers don't usually need to learn those things. Can you-"

"O-of course." She took it without question and might have tried to offer him a comforting touch, but he pulled away before she could reach him. Perhaps it was for the best. He retreated a few steps and all but clung to Ying, to calm his horse as well as himself as she read the letter aloud. "Lü Ameng, we of the Western Regiment regret to inform you that your beloved brother Deng Dang has passed away. It was without warning, but peaceful. Your dear sister requests your presence at once. Please inform Shilimai of the news and leave it to her discretion if she wishes to accompany you. Our deepest condolences."

Dead. Deng Dang had died. Lü Meng's head was swimming and he knew he came off as rude, but what good would manners do him now? "Did it say how?"

She answered curtly and pointed to the discarded letters on the floor of the stalls. "Not in here, but perhaps those letters would reveal it. All this one says is that it was sudden and peaceful." Then, she added softly with the hint of a sob in her voice. "Lü Meng... I'm so sorry. This is a horrible way to find out."

She was right. It was. His mind was beyond muddled and nothing made sense. Why didn't they tell him personally? Was this how news was carried out? He found himself on all four now, rummaging through parcels and looking for something that might have the same mark as the one she read to him. He never noticed that she snuck into the stall, even when Ying gave a warning grunt. It wasn't until she was kneeling next to him that he was forced to acknowledge her existence and the hand that rested on his own was soft and warm, and the squeeze she offered him threatened his already weakened defenses. He couldn't bring himself to look at her but it did stop him from moving around, forcing him to give up his endeavor as she tried to comfort him. "Lü Meng, if it was a sudden as they claim, then there was nothing you could have done. Had you read this letter the moment you got it or right now, would it have mattered, besides from getting an early start out?"

"No... but..."

"I'm sorry you found out this way. We all just assumed that this was how you chose to grieve, and for that, I'm sorry," Lianshi said, offering his hand another squeeze, and this time, he could not help but look up at her. He tried to absorb her kindness and the comfort she offered, but it was short lived. His grief simply ran too deep and it was all so sudden, but she did not seem offended when he gentle swept his hand from beneath hers and retreated to his horse's side. Of all of the people to chase after him, he knew he was fortunate enough to have it be her. She wouldn't think any less of him should he hide his face in Ying's side and shed his tears... not that he was going to but if there was time he would have. Lianshi had been going to say something, but approaching footsteps cut her off, alerting him to the one that now arrived. "Lord Zhou Yu..."

"My lady," Zhou Yu said, his voice kind and respectful, though it did nothing to sooth Lü Meng now. No, it only made it worse and if Ying's fur was thick enough, deep enough, Lü Meng would have retreated into it. He could feel how stiff his horse had become and knew it had sense his master's turmoil and suspected the cause of it. The moment Zhou Yu came into his sights, the horse's ears flicked back and the base of his tail shot up, letting him know to steer clear. If Zhou Yu had noticed this, he made no mention of it and wisely stayed out of the stall. "Lü Meng, I've come to offer you both my deepest condolences as well as my congratulations on your new position."

What could Lü Meng say? He was grateful for the condolences though he suspected the sincerity, and if he expressed his gratitude, then he'd look as though he was brushing off his brother-in-law's death. It hit him again and he clung all the tighter to Ying to hide the sob that threatened to consume him. When he could say nothing, at least Lianshi was there to help. "My lord, he's... still coping with the news of Deng Dang's death. He only just found out this morning, you see, and they were close..."

Lü Meng wanted to scoff at the notion, but nothing came out. Yes, close, so close he could not be there for him at his dying hours! He could not even remember the last time he saw him!

"Of course, he was family, after all. It's always hard to cope with the loss of a loved one." Zhou Yu sounded genuine enough but Lü Meng was not afraid to admit that he was not the best fit to judge right now. Though Zhou Yu had kept his distance, Lü Meng tried to calm his horse, though to little success, No, so long as he was distressed, so would Ying, and so he pushed himself away from the horse to face Zhou Yu. Unlike with Lianshi, he could not get away with being rude to Zhou Yu, not without his reputation taking a hit. Though in the wake of Deng Dang's death, what should he care? Except he obviously should as he was not only struck down with news of his death but also his own promotion, and that was almost crippling to him as well. "Lord Zhou Yu, I'm... afraid I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I'm sorry, but I should see to my mother and take my leave, assuming I have my lord's permission."

"Of course you do. He would not have sent me if he had no intention of allowing you to depart. He would have came himself, but he was encumbered with other affairs so I offered to come in his place." Always formal, always polite, but Lü Meng wasn't fooled. He suspected much about Zhou Yu's visit but he simply... no, he did not care what his ulterior motive was, He'd come off as cold, sure, but he was grieving and it was well within his rights to want to leave immediately, wasn't it? Zhou Yu must have sense this and grew sad to think that his punching bag would leave him, as he looked ready to try and intervene. "He, too, offers his sincere condolences for your loss. Should there be anything you need, just ask. Your duties will start in a week's time, but if you need more time, we can arrange for it."

Lü Meng shook his head and spoke quickly, wanting to chase these two out of here so that he could work on his preparations. Did his mother even know? "No, if it's alright, I'd rather start as soon as I finish his funeral arrangements. I don't think the Shanyue will wait."

Zhou Yu's deep brown eyes shot wide with surprise and Lianshi immediately objected, her tone meant to be soothing but it had little effect on him now. "But Lü Meng, you really should take the time to grieve! No one would think any less of you."

"Lady Lianshi is right," Zhou Yu said, stepping forward but mindful of keeping his distance from the horse as he remembered what happened to the last stable hand that got within neck reach of that horse when he was in a foul mood. How low had Zhou Yu stooped to mock him when he knew his defenses were down like this? How great of an actor was he to sound so heartfelt as he addressed him? How desperate was Lü Meng that he found himself wanting to believe it was all from the heart and not simply to keep up appearances in front of Lianshi? Not even in his grief would he fall into Zhou Yu's trap, he told himself, as the smooth talker tried to reason with him still. "Deng Dang was your brother through marriage, yes, but that still made him family, and there are fewer things greater than that of a family. Think, Lü Meng. It will not only be your grief you have to cope with, but that of Yenji's and her children, even his men, if they felt the same bond as you. You will need time to take on all of their grief, or else you will only be hurting yourself, and I may not have known Deng Dang personally, but I know for certain that's not what he would have wanted for you. So please, Lü Meng, I beseech you. Tend to your own grievances as well, and give yourself the time that you need."

He wanted to believe him, even if he wasn’t sure what ‘beseech’ meant. It was his sorrow that made him give in. He did ask, though he was certain it would not get him anywhere. “What about the Shanyue? Will they allow me the time to grieve?”

“Probably not, but you are not going to be the only one out there. The other officers will be more than happy to assist, and besides, you have experience with them, so I have no doubt in my mind that you can keep them in their place.”

The way Zhou Yu said that, it almost sounded like a compliment. It was nice to pretend that the strategist was trying to get along with him. No doubt it was out of pity and to sooth his own conscience. Nothing more. Lü Meng offered him a listless smile but nothing else. His mind, as muddled and frazzled as it was, would not let him depart without an answer to a question that burned deep within him, and before Zhou Yu or Lianshi could escape, he blurted it out, not at all caring for tact in his approach nor caring how ungrateful he sounded. “Why? Why would Lord Sun Ce give me this position? I don’t know anything about leading men.”

Lianshi held her tongue and allowed for Zhou Yu to be the one to answer him. The strategist seemed put off by either the question itself or Lü Meng’s blunt manner of admitting his flaw, but he gave his answer regardless. “Admittedly I’m surprised your name came up from Zhang Zhou, but his reasons were sound. You were not only familiar with those men in the regiment but your efforts in helping Generals Ling Cao and Han Dang in training the recruits shows you have the start of maintaining an authoritative aura that others respect.”

He had a feeling that there was much that Zhou Yu was leaving out, but it seemed like it was a good enough start. He could understand both points, but it seemed too much of a stretch, even for Lü Meng to believe. It must have reflected in his eyes as Zhou Yu felt compelled to carry on and the curious tone of his voice didn’t settle well with the young man in the slightest. “I’ll be honest, Lü Meng, that neither myself nor Lord Sun Ce were entirely convinced. No offense to you, but you are still so young and could use a few more chances to prove you’re capable of leading an entire regiment, even those you’ve grown up with.”

“None taken. I agree completely.”

“However, it was Lord Sun Quan that spoke so highly of you and pushed for you to have this position.” 

Now this startled Lü Meng and it was all too obvious now. He couldn’t even speak, and thankfully, he wouldn’t have to, as Zhou Yu was kind enough to explain it to him. “Like Zhang Zhou, he stressed the first two points and even added his own testimony, as he had personal insight on your method. He made a point to bring up your efforts against the Shanyue in the past, as you’d know some of their patterns and that you’d give your all in making sure that they would not be a threat to our newly established home. When Lord Ce and myself tried to bring up your inexperience in leading others, he made a point to say that he knew that you would rise to the challenge and defy any doubts that any might have , just as you managed to do when you threw me off that horse when I provoked you. I’ll have you know he sounded so smug when he brought that up.”

“Lord Sun Quan takes the time to get to know everyone in our army, Lü Meng,” Lianshi said, adding her input in hopes of quelling Lü Meng’s doubts. “He may not be around you as much as he once was, but he wouldn’t have pushed you for this position if he didn’t have the utmost faith in you.”

Neither noticed Zhou Yu’s expression and how it soured slightly, but for Lü Meng, there could be no argument now. He never thought it was Lord Sun Quan that had to convince Sun Ce and not the other way around. Not that he held anything against his lord for his doubts, but to know that Lord Quan still had so much faith in him… it was the boost in confidence that he needed. He still held some doubts and fears, yes, but it was nothing at all like it was before. No, it wasn’t enough for him to forget whose death had occurred to grant him this boon, but it made his inevitable departure much easier to swallow. Knowing that Sun Quan had such faith in him…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Changed everything, didn’t it?”

Lü Meng blinked a few times, surprised that there was no searing pain or white flashes of light to pull him from the vision, but he did not think to question it for now. By now, the terrible pain had subsided and the only remnants of it was the strain of his eyes if he tried to look into the extreme corners of his vision. It was easily avoidable, as Zuo Ci remained in front of him. The old man hadn’t moved and was content to remain that way, though not for his ‘guest’ sake, Lü Meng imagined. His efforts to mimic his stance was hindered by the weight in his chest, a dull ache that reminded him of the suffering he once endured. His heart didn’t care much for someone digging around in the wound after so many years, nor did he really appreciate it either. 

His efforts to mask this were for naught. He tried to combat the sorrow with either anger or resentment instead, but he knew from experience that it wouldn’t be any better. So he resorted to simply feeling nothing and kept his composure as calm as it was possible, though one look in his eyes would betray it all.

“Yes, it did, because it meant that there’d be no chance that I could turn down the position and live with myself. Lord Quan knew that.”

“Hm, I suspect so, as did Zhou Yu.” There was a curious look on Zuo Ci’s face and Lü Meng could feel his own intrigue itching away at his mind, but he knew the mystic would not explain himself. He was right. “Tell me, what is it about Sun Quan that encouraged you to go forth? What makes his word more valuable than that of Sun Ce or Zhou Yu, both of which expressed their well justified doubt in Sun Quan and Zhang Zhou’s suggestion?”

For years, Lü Meng had pondered this himself but never openly questioned it. He was too guileless and young, too overwhelmed with grief that he could never truly cope with it until years later and too eager to justify Sun Quan’s faith in him to really even think about it. Now, decades later, he had time to think on it, though it was something that had long since stopped bothering him. He hated trudging through old wounds like this but what choice did he have? He mulled it over and only spoke when he felt he had an answer that was worth his time. 

“Lord Quan had a way with people; everyone in the Sun Family did, I suppose. He inspires others to do their best, even if they don’t know what they may be capable of themselves. Look at myself, for example-” He said, pressing a hand to his chest as he explained. “He felt that I had the start of a good leader, at least for a small regiment, when I had never even considered it. Yes, perhaps it may have been a hunch or considered on a whim, but he stuck with it and pushed it forward, despite the opposition. If he saw good in myself and had faith enough to convince Lord Sun Ce and the rest of his court, then how could I not have faith in myself?”

Zuo Ci nodded and his tone held little mockery. Only… concern? “I see. He instilled faith in you, and, being eager to please, you dare not failed because now it was no longer just your reputation on the line, but his as well.”

“Not… exactly what I said, but it doesn’t make it any less true. I did it for him, initially, but eventually I did it myself, for my men and for Wu.”

“Yes, to that I have no doubt. I merely worry that you’re distribution of such devoutness is entirely… imbalanced.” If anything, that concern grew and before Lü Meng could question it, the mystic seemed content to move on. Of course he would, the tease. “So you accepted the position. Did you ever have the chance to grieve your dear brother, or did you hide in your work to avoid that embarrassment?”

“It wasn’t my intention to be overwhelmed with work, no, but it was inevitable. No sooner had the funeral arrangements been carried out, the Shanyue started acting up. They had heard of Deng Dang’s death and thought they could find a hole in the defences, but they didn’t. Zhang Zhou and Lord Quan were right to put a familiar face for the soldiers, as not a single one really questioned my arrival. Of course, being neck deep in battle would have been a terrible time to scoff at your new leader, so perhaps that was why they were eager to comply.” Lü Meng thought about his first few battles as their leader and could not help but want to laugh. He explained himself when Zuo Ci sent him an inquiring look. “Honestly, I don’t think they even realized how completely lost I was. I didn’t know anything about leading men in battle and I was certain they’d see right through me, but I think they were complacent for the time being. So I figured I’d learn on the go, and hope that by the time the dust settled, they’d find me worthy of leading them.”

“Just as your act earlier with the young one, you carried on a performance when in truth, you were still uncertain of your new lines. Did it work?”

“Better than I thought it would. It turns out the men of the Western regiment preferred leaders that lead by example, and me putting myself in the front lines alongside them was enough for them. Besides, I knew a lot of them already, so it helped out more than I was expecting.” His expression soured for a moment and whatever humor his voice once held was gone in an instance. He could have said nothing, but he knew better than to omit anything. “It wasn’t perfect, and we did lose a few, but casualties were to be expected. Even under Deng Dang’s command they had their losses, but they knew the risk going in. There were a few among them that might have scoffed. I couldn’t blame them. But they never acted out. In hindsight, I was extremely fortunate, I know.”

“Luck has just as much right to exist, does it not? Good or will, it can sometimes account for the greatest shifts in the tide of life. It would be foolish not to give credit when it is due.”

It was strange, to find some kind of equal grounds in all of this, but Lü Meng welcomed it without question. “Trust me, I appreciate any good luck that comes my way. Nowadays, I simply try to prepare better so that I am not so reliant on it as I was before. But even I know that some events are out of my control, or that of any man.”

“Such as the death of Lord Sun Ce?”

It was inevitable that the topic would be thrown in front of him. Lü Meng was waiting for it. From the moment he recalled his first encounter with the charismatic Sun lord, he knew that Zuo Ci would throw Sun Ce’s death in his face. He tried his best to control his heart rate, but he knew it to be a daunting task. The reawakening of the wounds left by Fa Shi and Deng Dang’s death made any effort to even pretend that Sun Ce’s death would not affect him a fruitless endeavor. So he did not even try to hide it. Instead, he could control it, keep it from consuming him, and years of hardship had helped him considerably. The backlash of it would make him come off as callous to those that did know know what to look for. He accepted this. “It was out of my control, yes. That didn’t mean I did not feel distraught and felt I could have prevented it. I’d ask myself if it would have been different, if I was stationed at Jianye still, and being young and even more naive, I convinced myself that it would have. Heh, what a foolish notion, right?”

“Indeed, but perhaps not for the reason you may think. Who is to say your presence would have changed matters at all? You were no longer his bodyguard and had not been for years, and yet you have broken rank to defend him once before. So, perhaps your absence did make all the difference, but… who is to say for certain?”

The aura of intrigue was stifling now and Lü Meng was too well trained to turn off his suspicions now. The mystic hinted at something and he was all the more curious as to what the old man was getting at. Whereas Zhou Yu or Lu Su might have gone about it coyly, but Lü Meng had long since accepted that he was not them, and that he had his own way of going about getting information he wanted. “What are you getting at, Zuo Ci?”

The mystic’s eyes pierced him and he knew that he was taken off guard, and moments ago he might have rejoiced at seeing such a look of surprise on his face. He usually did get some satisfaction out of taking others off guard with his brusque nature, but what Zuo Ci implied… no, there was nothing but apprehension in him now and he was not going to allow anything to cloud that tinge of suspicion he felt. 

“It may be nothing, dear Chief-Commander. Merely a hunch.”

To that, Lü Meng scoffed and it was a bitter sound. “Sometimes hunches can save lives.”

“You’d know that from personal experience, I’d imagine?”

The Chief-Commander let out a sneer but complied to the question with a nod. “If your horse starts to fidget or you feel the hair on the back of your neck start to rise, it’s usually a good indication that something’s not right. Unfortunately, by than it might be too late.”

The mystic seemed satisfied with his response and yet he was not willing to address the matter outright. Damn him! “Be as it may, I wish to give the matter some thought before I go prodding it further. It may be something, but it may also be nothing. For now, let’s continue on with you.”

“Very well, but don’t think I’ll forget.” The Chief-Commander was willing to move on for now, if only to spare himself from existing in this strange realm any longer. There was still so much left to go… “Let’s continue then. It was roughly a year when news of our lord’s death spread throughout our kingdom. By then, I had grown comfortable with the regiment and my duties as their captain. We had been through enough battles and we respected each other, so when news of Lord Sun Ce’s death and the succession of Lord Quan reached us, they were worried about the fate of our forces.”

“Oh, and why?”

“Different leader, different methods of ruling a nation. Whereas Lord Ce was a fighter, Lord Quan was keen on defense, and rumors had spread that he was seeking to consolidate the merge his troops. Pure political nonsense, so I thought at the time, but I couldn’t blame the men for their concerns. We had formed a bond, having all come from the same district and having fought alongside one another for so long. They were worried that we’d be separated and they didn’t want that.”

“And what about you? What did you want?”

Lü Meng was a little surprised by the question but not for long. “I would have been fine with whatever Lord Quan wanted of me. But I was more focused on what my men were concerned about, so I worked on preventing that possible merge from happening.”

Now Zuo Ci was beyond intrigued and Lü Meng swore he was leaning forward now. He could have been mocking him, but considering all of the darkness that surrounded the previous memories, it would have been nice to visit a more cheerful one. Anything to soothe the opened wounds of Fa Shi, Deng Dang and now Sun Ce’s death. “And tell me, how did you go about that? I must know.”

“I improvised.”


	13. Preying on Vanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng must rack his brain to impressed the newly appointed Sun lord or risk losing his command...

The easiest and more likely of what Lü Meng could have done was simply tell Sun Quan himself, either in writing or in person, but he had a feeling that it wouldn’t have been enough. No, something simple and straightforward would have been Sun Ce’s style, as he always favored honesty in the past. But Lü Meng had learned quickly that Lord Quan was very different from his brother. No, where as Lord Ce had respected and awarded honesty, Lord Quan tended to look deeper, saw different things than his brother had. He respected not only the appearance of the individual but what laid hidden beneath it. He’d put a lot of emphasis on physical appearance, yes, but he didn’t look at things at face value either. He’d look deep and would make a judgment then and there, and then chose to push it even further into the direction he desired from there.

He was likely a good example of that, he thought to himself with a grin as he racked his head over the recent messenger’s report. Their lord would be paying them a visit in three days time, so whatever he was going to do to keep his command and his men from being shuffled around, he’d have to figure it out and execute it before then.

He paid the messenger and sent him away before turning towards his assembly. Once the messenger was out of earshot, the clamor began and he could not fault them for their excitement. Three days wouldn’t be a lot of time to execute whatever plan they could concoct!

“Keep it to a dull roar. I’m trying to think,” Lü Meng said after a few minutes as he felt he had given them enough time to squabble. They deserved that much, but now it was time to get serious! It took some time but eventually they quieted down and all eyes were on him, expecting him to speak his mind. If they were expecting some grand speech that would leave them floored, then they’d be disappointed, but none did. It didn’t take them long to figure that much out about their new captain. Big speeches were a waste of time and a waste of breath, and big speeches didn’t do much in defending or combating against bandits and the Shanyue. What he didn’t much for was that they were going to leave him to do the thinking, and everyone knew that wasn’t his strong point! “Our young lord will be here in three days time for inspections. What we need to do is impress him.”

It seemed straightforward enough, but he didn’t blame the officer brave enough to question his bare bones plan. “How do we do that?”

“Isn’t out service to the Sun family enough?” Another asked, neither snapping nor acting too meek about his stance. That was another thing that he got along well with when it came to his unit. All of them were open and honest. Perhaps it was something to do with coming from the Runan district that had bred such bluntly honest individuals. “We keep the Shanyue back and keep the rest of Wu safe. What more could he expect from us?”

“Perhaps he’ll get lucky and get to see our unit in action when he arrives?”

“That doesn’t sound very lucky to me, and be careful! Even joking about something terrible happening to our new lord can be seen as treason!”

And Lü Meng was quick to reinforce that statement, looking to the officer that cracked the joke and flashing him a weary scowl. “You may tease but he’s likely dealing with enough of that on his own. Make certain you keep that thought to yourself. In fact, that goes for all of you. We support the Sun family, whether it be Ce, Quan, or any other that our lord assigned to be his successor. Those with doubt are welcomed to leave.”

Not a single one moved. Good, he thought, and went back to thinking. However, now he spoke his thoughts aloud to enlighten his men as well as keep them from getting out of control again. “Our lord’s rather sensitive and wouldn’t take kindly to that kind of talk. He also would not be impressed with our duty, because it’s expected of us. He wouldn’t have stationed us here if he didn’t think we’d be able to handle a few bandits or the Shanyue at our borders. What he’d want… is for us to go above our duty. Do something he wouldn’t expect from us.”

Not many of them were eager to admit their confusion despite their openness, but they did not stay quiet for long. One of them spoke up, as though to entice Lü Meng to dropping the other shoe, which he would have been more than happy to oblige if he had it to drop. “Which is?”

“Well, he knows we’re fighters. He knows we’re not necessarily weather, as a whole, and he knows that the lot of us could care less about what the nobility think.”

There were grunts all around, all of them in agreement and some even cracked a joke about their empty pockets. Most of these men were like him and started their lives in the fields, though Lü Meng made a point to hoard away his pay. What didn’t go towards supplies or his family, he pocketed and had collected a fair amount over the past few years, for one never knew when one would need it. No, Lü Meng would not disillusion himself and pretend he was rich, but he had enough to prove that ‘poor’ assessment wrong. Not that Lord Quan would have known that…

In the short silence that happened, it was easy to hear the tearing of fabric and all eyes, including Lü Meng’s, had turned to the offender. The soldier, a young but muscular man named Chen Wong, looked up and gave a bashful look before dangling the shredded fabric that he tore off his sleeve. Lü Meng didn’t say anything to him as he figured he had endured enough embarrassment from being caught in the act, but unfortunately his fellow soldiers of the Western regiment did not think the same thing. Liu Fuen immediately chortled, his voice carrying and attempting to break the tension. “Careful there, Wong. Flex any harder and your uniform will explode at the seams.”

“Sorry.”

Another officer came to his fellow man’s defense, pointing to the hole in Liu Fuen’s garments and giving it a tug as he made his point abundantly clear. “Don’t laugh too hard or you’ll join him.”

It didn’t stop the man from laughing and now others joined in. Even Lü Meng found himself smiling, though a strange sensation was coming over him. Liu Fuen relented with a chuckle. “Yeah, I guess we all look like we ran through a parade of swords, huh?”

Others chimed in, showing off their various wears and tears as though they were battle scars to be revered. Then it hit him. He grabbed the garment of the officer closest to him and gave it a good look, startling the man and gradually bringing the story of garment scars to a hush. The one that Lü Meng eyed was the first to speak up and Lü Meng couldn’t blame him for sounding so nervous. “Sir, what’s on your mind?”

He forgot that sometimes he had to speak and that others could not read his mind. He simply wasn’t accustomed to anyone actually going to him for ideas or caring what was on his mind, aside from Ling Cao and his dearly departed brother, and Chin, before that. He observed the tattered and well worn uniform and eventually pulled away to address his men. “An idea, or at least the start of one. Our uniforms are battle worn and in dire need of repairs.”

“But sir… some of these are beyond repair. And we don’t know how to sew…”

A good point, but one immediately countered by their leader. “Then we’ll purchase new ones.”

There was a wave of confusion that passed through the ranks, and among it, indignation. One of his more courageous men rose his voice in objection and sent him a look that screamed ‘I dare you’, and Lü Meng countered it with a steely gaze of his own. “But our attire is a sign of our pride as warriors! Why should we throw such a symbol away?”

Others chimed in but grew silent when Lü Meng rose his balled fist. “And I’m not asking you to. However, if we were to present ourselves to Lord Quan, with dented armor and our pants falling off, do you think he would take us seriously?”

There were a few murmurs, but no one argued with him. It was not his intention to shame them, but if it helped drive the point home, he would not take back his words. And just like that, the idea that was percolating began to take form and he laid it out for them, speaking in a tone that brooked no argument, not even from the more ornery of his men. He wasn’t looking forward to having to prove his command today, especially when he might need them later should the Shanyue decide to close in on them. “So, we’re all getting new uniforms, myself included. You can keep your old ones if you want. Wear them underneath if you cannot part with them, but don’t let it show. I’ll be conducting my own inspection before they arrive and if I see a single shred of the old uniform, you’ll be sent back to your tent to change.” 

“Will you watch us, father?”

It was clearly a joke, but he replied to it in such a dry manner that no one dared laugh. “If that’s what it’d take, yes. I’ll even dress you if I must but you won’t like it.”

Chen Wong spoke up when no one else would. “Where will we be getting out new uniforms?”

“Leave that to me,” Lü Meng said, a little calmer than before as one one else seemed to be making light of this anymore. Not even the wiliest of his recruits back at Jianye gave him this kind of snark. “I got enough to purchase new uniforms and armor for all of us. As for your weapons, they will need to be polished and look worthy of any member of the Sun family. I want you all to be very thorough with this. I want every weapon polished to the point that I can see my own reflection in them when I inspect them in the morning. On the off chance we’re sent out to fight, wait until the night before or the morning of.”

Though there were some disgruntled murmurs and groans, there were no outright complaints. Not now when it was clear that their captain wasn’t going to put up with it. They could carry their gripes home with them to their wives, but it would have to be outside of earshot of him. “We have three days, in which we also need to stay on guard and tend to our duties. I have every bit of faith that you will all be able to pull this off, so long as everyone pulls their weight. We’ll keep to the usual schedule- half of our active sentry will scout while the other half will polished their armor, then work in rotation. I’ll have your new uniforms in due time and I don’t want to hear any gripes. If this works, our lord may expect us to look our finest at all times, so we may want to get used to the idea of this.”

There were a few humored snickers among the group and he was fighting down the urge to smile himself and did so. There were no vocal objections and so he dismissed them before they could see the growing panic that underlined his movements. Oh, he had enough to cover this and then some-- he simply wasn’t sure he would be able to keep his wits about himself when it came to watching all of it leave his hand in one go. Considering he’d already survived several fights and scuffles thus far, he was certain he’d be able to endure this trial as well. 

He knew he was taking a chance and he knew that it might not have had any effect at all. Lord Quan may have already made his decision before he ever sent out a letter, but it was worth a shot. Even if this flopped, at least he’d sleep well knowing that his men would fair better in upcoming fights with new armor, even if he could not command them. Their lives were always a good investment…

~*~*~

Three days wasn’t a long time at all, as Lü Meng and his men found out. His officers weren’t sure how he managed to acquire the promised uniforms and armor, and it would have been deemed too rude to ask how much he had spent on the garments, nor how he managed to tend to his own duties in the brief time span. None dared ask, not just because it would have been rude to do so, but simply because there was no time!

Before the sun had even risen that morning, Lü Meng was pounding on the drums (a blatant misuse of power but one that no one would question), and the men scrambled to the call. Their captain barked orders and his voice carried so much authority in its gruff tone that they swore that his shouts alone kept the Shanyue at bay. Someone had made the mistake of asking what they would do it their enemy were foolish enough to attack before their lord and their entourage arrived and Lü Meng’s response did at least alleviate some of the ill spirits. ‘Then fight naked, because like hell I’ll allow a single speck of dust or blood on those new uniforms!’

They all knew that Lü Meng had not slept well in those three days, if at all, and though it made him surly, they suspected that was why their swords and spears were polished before they were rudely awakened. They weren’t sure if he did it as a preemptive apology for firing them up before dawn or simply because he did not trust them to do it and therefore took it upon himself to do it, but whatever the reason, they expressed their gratitude by not giving him any more lip throughout the morning. It was a mutual understanding between their captain and his men, and a silent one. That was perfectly fine to him.

Right now, he was simply too high strung and anxious to talk to his men in depth and so his commands were short, brief, to the point. He knew he was being short with them but they were keen to suffer in silence and tolerate his demands for now. Throughout his tenure as their captain, he always struggled with hiding his doubts and this morning it was hitting him at full force. He got -no- sleep and he could not eat, even when Yenji delivered it herself. He could not stomach keeping anything down, not when he felt so tense! 

All it would have taken was the smallest of nudged and he’d unravel. He was certain that his men could see it and they were wise to keep their distance. He hoped that Yenji would have kept her children away from him as he wasn’t sure he could keep himself from erupting at them should they say -anything- to him.

Even Ying had sense his master’s stress and his efforts to sooth him were in vain. Any other day, Ying’s obsessive snuffling in the creases of his armor and pockets would have been enough to crack a smile but today it only seemed to dig even deeper into his exposed nerves. He wriggled out of his tough and tried, oh he tried so hard not to physically push him away, but it was simply too much. “Stop, Ying. I don’t have any apples for you.”

The grey stallion let out a snort and did not believe him, as he only searched deeper, much to his master’s dismay. He was halfway through adjusting Ying’s bridle when the horse pulled his head way and then shoved his muzzle deep into his pant’s pocket and if he pulled him away too fast, he’d tear the fabric! It was the final straw…

“Hold still.” His savior was swift and he had not seen her coming until she was literally grabbing Ying’s bridle and stroking the horse’s fuzzy cheek. The horse might have pulled away had Lü Meng not gripped the bridle with white knuckles, and Ren was quick to free both the horse and his master from the predicament, maneuvering her small, nimble fingers in the confined space. Seconds later, Ying was free and whickering his disdain from lack of apples to be had and the nerve of another being daring to touch him. Otherwise, he did not lash out at her as she checked the pocket, relieving Lü Meng though not enough to unwind him in the least. “There. No damage.”

“Thank heavens for that… no, no, I mean, thank you,” Lü Meng said, trying to rein in his frustration back in and feeling some guilt for nearly snapping at the both of them. Only more crap to add to the pile! Ren didn’t seem to mind at all, though, and once the crisis was averted, she stepped away and allowed him to carry on his business. She took a step back but remained present in case she needed to intervene again. He knew why Ren was here and he cut to the chase, struggling to keep his wits about him as he finally adjusted the bridle and moved to the bite. “Mother sent you to check on me?”

“She noticed you didn’t eat.”

‘Of course she would,’ Lü Meng thought to himself as he struggled to keep Ying still. The damned beast was fidgeting and kept trying to turn his head to look at the dainty woman that had followed Lü Meng from Fupo and here to Wu. This dainty little woman that kept looking at his master with such a strange look, who smelled like pheromones and now, sweet and delicious apples. Lü Meng wanted to give up and eventually did so before he lost his temper again. He figured that he’d worry his family and was grateful that Ren had came in his mother’s place. That’d at least spare him some embarrassment. “I wasn’t hungry. And you, Ying, yes you, look at me when I talk to you! You should have eaten too. Why you keep looking at Zhang Ren with those hungry eyes?”

“Maybe because I brought an apple with me?” As she said this, she produced the fruit and a small knife, and any chance of getting bite on was gone, as Ying let out a happy but demanding whiny. Ren wasted no time, taking one half and handing it to the horse before offering the other half to the captain. Ying accepted the offering with the usual lack of manners and he expressed his gratitude by not biting those fragile little fingers. His owner, however, kept his hands to himself and would need more coaxing. “Please. If only a bite, Ameng.”

“I wouldn’t keep it down,” Lü Meng said, trying not to allow the depth of his turmoil be seen and he crossed his arms over his chest to stop himself from taking the fruit. “I’m sorry that I worried her and I mean no disrespect. I’m simply too nervous to eat anything right now.”

He didn’t know how Ren would react despite having grown up in the same village and seeking refuge with her grandfather. Maybe he would have remembered such things had his mind not been sleep deprived, but as it was, he was taken back by her insistence. “And what good would it do if you are too weak to carry your glaive when Lord Sun Quan arrives? Please, just a bite, or else I’ll stuff it in your pockets and let him tear those new pants of yours.”

And the worst part was he knew she could pull it off. Even if she couldn’t, could he afford to call her out on her bluff? The more time he spent arguing with her, the more time slipped away and he still needed things to prepare for before his lord arrived. So he took the apple from her hands, snatching it like bear did a fish without disrupting the stream, as he somehow managed to avoiding brushing their fingers together. As amazing as a feat as it was, there were not applause coming his way. He took a single bite and was ready to hand it back, but she had withdrawn her hand and Lü Meng dared not drop it. Damn, she was clever. 

“I understand you’re nervous,” Ren said as he pecked away at his half, far too nervous to really savor the taste and certain that he’d swallow a seed at this point and not caring. Growing a tree in his stomach had to be better than this. “And it’s alright to be nervous.”

“Is it really?” As nervous as he was, he didn’t swallow the seeds and managed to turn his head and spit the offending piece before he chipped a tooth on it. Ren hardly seemed bothered by the act and remained silent to allow him to continue his rant. Better to get all of it out now instead of exploding in front of his men or worse, his lord. “It’s only an inspection. Just a simple inspection, not like we would all be discharged if he found it unsatisfactory, right? At worst, he’d merge us with another unit. I might lose my rank and the men would be separated. Lord Quan wouldn’t discharge us.”

“But you care what he would think, right?”

There was no denying it and he gave a sullen nod. “Of course I do. He felt that I was good for this position and I want to prove that he’s right. I don’t want to let him down.”

Ren offered him an understanding nod, and her question startled him. “And what about for yourself? What do you want?”

He blinked a few times and answered honestly. “What does it matter what I want? What I want is for my lord to be pleased with his decision, and for my men to be happy. Isn’t that enough?”

He wasn’t sure what to make of that expression she wore except that she seemed disappointed with the answer. She wasn’t willing to grant him the chance to redeem himself as she gave her advice regardless. “If that’s what you really want, then I’m certain your efforts will be enough. Lord Quan can be a bit vain and he might feel flattered to see you and your men all shining and glistening when he arrives. That alone might impress him, don’t you think?” 

Lü Meng was too caught up in his own anxieties to ponder her disappointed countenance for too long and he looked himself over, suddenly feeling extremely self aware perhaps for the first time in his life. “You… don’t think I overdid it?”

“Anymore and you would make the Qiao sisters turn their heads in shame,” Ren offered with a giggle, hoping it would sooth him and it did help some. She motioned to a stool, however, and pulled her comb from her head. “But your hair’s a mess. If you’ll have a seat, I will tend to it for you?”

He had considered objection and would have argued that it may have taken it too far, but he knew just as much as she did that Lord Quan would have probably paid attention to such things. And he certainly wouldn’t have wanted that to mar his efforts with his untamed locks. So, he gave in without a fight and took a seat, hoping that all of this would have been enough for his men. He hoped it be enough to keep them content and enough to prove his lord had not made a mistake when he pushed him for this position. He didn’t ask for much. Just enough…

~*~*~

Never in his life did he think that he had done too much. Despite the hiccups caused by Ying, they were more than ready when news of Lord Quan and his entourage had arrived and every man was on his best behavior. Considering the lecture and the stern look that their captain gave them, not a single one dared step out of line or so much as breath out of unison, and that only seemed to impress their lord all the more. It was clear on Sun Quan’s face that he wasn’t expecting such a display, as his green eyes failed in hiding the wonder in there, and for Lü Meng, seeing that was enough. Sun Quan was speechless, and he hoped that was a good thing. 

He stood poised at the front of his men, silently awaiting judgment. Even Ying was looking his finest, though he didn’t think twice about snapping his jaws when his young lord got too close. Besides Ying, no one misbehaved and even then all it had taken was a tug from the reins to pull him back. Lord Quan didn’t seem too bothered by the offense, though exactly what was said to Lü Meng was lost on him as the pounding of his heart was too loud and his mind too frazzled to absorb anything in too much depth. Something along the lines of ‘feisty horse’ or something or other.

The inspection itself was brief, but it felt an eternity. He was thankful for Ren for forcing that half of apple on him as he was afraid he’d pass out before the inspection had ended. How embarrassing would that have been to his lord as well as for himself? Thankfully, it did not come to pass, and after what felt like hours, it appeared over.

He was in the middle of releasing his breath when he was summoned to his own command tent. He could feel all of his officer’s gaze on him and yet he paid them no mind. They sensed it too. Their fate would not be left to question for long. It was a relief, in a way, but only replaced that anxiety with a new one. What would Lord Quan say? What would be the fate of his men, or him? He would soon find out, as he handed the reins off to the soldier to his right and followed his young lord and his entourage into the tent.

‘Into the tiger’s den I go...’

Sun Quan was only a few years his junior but he had a way of demanding respect. Like him, his eyes were an usual tint, though his lord’s were much more distinct, more lively and filled to the brim with a brilliant aura that so many found inspiring. It seemed a gift for all the members of the Sun family, one that Lü Meng was immediately attracted to and admired. He remembered looking at Sun Ce and thinking how he was willing to do anything to see that approval in those eyes, and the same thought passed through his mind now as he knelt before Lord Quan. 

There were others in the tent but he was too nervous to really look at them or bring himself to recognize and put names to their faces. No, they hardly mattered, only Lord Quan and his lord was merciful when he addressed him, not making him waiting in silence for too long. “I must admit I’m impressed, Lü Meng. I wasn’t expecting you nor your unit to be so… well dressed.”

Lü Meng wasn’t sure what to say and he was afraid to speak at all, lest he degrade into a blubbering mess. He had everything figured out with his men and with Ren, but he wasn’t prepared to discuss it with his lord. “I had hoped to please you, my lord.”

“It does, actually.” He’d never forget Sun Quan’s smile and how it flared such emotions in his gut, emotions that he struggled to cope with and cast his gaze downward to hide. “You see, all of my reports of your unit and yourself only address your military might, as well as your tenacity. Despite your small size, your men do the work of a unit thrice their size, and your men obviously respect you, despite your inexperience.”

He wasn’t good with being showered such compliments but he tried to hide it as best as he could. He focused on his men instead- acknowledging and speaking of their deeds was easy. They earned it. “Being pitted against the Shanyue brings out the best in them. They work hard because they personally know what fate awaits them and those we protect if they fail. To them, failure isn’t an option.”

He kept his head down and thus missed any looks that his lord or the other men of his company may have sent him. Pity, admiration, even possible disgust for whatever reason, he chose not to look because he knew he probably couldn’t handle it. They were all intelligent men and no doubt one of them might have seen right through him, and he could only hope it wouldn’t have been Zhou Yu. Was he even there? He was ashamed of himself for not noticing, but there was no time to look now. His presence, or absence, did nothing to change his situation. 

“And we appreciate your efforts and that of your men. Without you here to defend our borders, the Shanyue would have been more problematic than they have been. I will make sure you’re rewarded for your efforts, and I will ask that you continue the good work here, though perhaps it will be easier with the new troops I will be assigning to you. I trust you will train them and integrate them into your troops well, Lü Meng?”

 

This was what he had wanted, he reminded himself. To keep his men under the same command and keep his status. He was near speechless at the thought that his plan had not only worked, but exceeded expectations. It was humbling. What should he say? What -could- he say? He cupped his fist into palm and strained to keep his voice from wavering, a pathetic attempt to keep his composure though after his sleepless nights there was nothing he could do to filter the joy in his voice. “Y-yes, my lord! I will integrate them well and I thank you for the opportunity. I will not let you down!”

He missed Sun Quan’s smile, but perhaps it was for the best. It may have completely unnerved him and ruined everything he and his men had worked to fain here. “Of course not, Lü Meng. You hardly ever do. I will keep you updated on your new troops. You’ll have plenty of time to prepare for their arrival. Keep up the great work.”

It may not have been the warmest praise he had received, but for Lü Meng, it was more than enough to please him. Had he not been kneeling he may have found himself over the moon! “Yes, my lord!”

Just as abruptly as they had gathered, they began to disperse, whatever thoughts on his entourage’s minds remained unknown to the captain and before he could rise, Sun Quan had suddenly paused at the door. There was something in his voice that beckoned Lü Meng to look up and he regretted doing so, as it was hard to resist being captivated by that gaze alone. “Oh, before I leave. Lü Meng, it’s come to my attention that you’re not yet married.”

It was a strange statement, but not an untrue one. Lü Meng suspected that Lord Quan was waiting for an answer and he would not disappoint him. “No, sir. Not yet. I’ve been busy with my troops and my duties.”

“Well, while I admire your dedication to your duty, I’d like for you to make time.” Sun Quan’s smile was dubious, reminding Lü Meng of the youngster that enjoyed running amok with his classmates as well as reminding Lü Meng just how much he had changed in the past few years. The burden of responsibility was a heavy one to bear, and Sun Quan had just thrown more on him. “The next time we meet, I’d like to have dinner with your wife. Be well, Lü Meng.”

Lü Meng accepted his new burden and gave Sun Quan another bow, saying his own farewells as his lord slipped through the flaps and left him alone. Now that he was alone, there was nothing to keep the urge to release his jubilation he felt brewing within himself, and it came out in an almost strangled laugh. 

It worked. How in the heavens did it work? Did it even matter? He was still kneeling and perhaps it was for the best as he wasn’t sure he had the strength to stand up just yet. He still had his duties to attend to, but for now, he simply wanted to absorb the strange victory he had obtained for his men and for himself. 

Too bad he would not have time to fully take it in before he was interrupted by another visitor. He recognized that man that stood in the door frame of the tent as not only one of the entourage but from the battle that took Fa Shi’s life. Lu Su had not really spoken to him since that day and to be honest, Lü Meng had almost forgotten how he sounded, so the urge to flinch was strong within him even when Lu Su barely spoke above a whisper to him. Apparently his words were meant for his ears only. “The proper upkeep of armor and weapons is vital to the survival of every general in war, but I bet you didn’t even know that, did you?”

Lü Meng was too guileless to lie, not about this. Lying to Zhu Ran about not being able to read was easy, but somehow, lying to a man that he knew to be ten times his better when it came to anything else? There was no point in lying. He didn’t even think of that, as he confessed softly. “No, sir. I was thinking only of impressing my lord.”

There was no anger, no looks of ‘aha’. There was only a nod, before he accepted his answer and moved on. “So you used his own vanity to gain his favor. Was that your idea, Lü Meng, or did someone else think of that?”

Lü Meng felt uneasy and he wasn’t sure why. Lu Su had already seen right through his plot, though no real surprise there. He was an intelligent man, so of course he’d see right through him. Had Zhou Yu been there, he’d probably have not only seen his plot but exposed him to their lord. Would Lu Su do the same? Even if he didn’t do it now, what could have stopped him from addressing the matter with Sun Quan once he left? It was this inevitability that made him confess, and despite his fears, he addressed his senior officer with respect and a firm voice, as to show there was no shame in his heart for what he had done. “Mine, sir. I got the idea when I noticed how tattered my men looked, and I remember that Lord Quan values appearance over Lord Ce.”

There may have been no shame in his decision to play on his lord’s vanity, but he was worried about what Lu Su would do with that information. Would he find a way to undo what he gained? Somehow, that lopsided grin he wore wasn’t completely leaning towards that outcome, and if anything, he seemed either amused or impressed. Whatever fear he held in this man exposing him seemed to dissipate, as Lu Su gave him a firm nod and left without another word, leaving Lü Meng to question that rather artful and knowing smile he shot him before he disappeared behind the drapes.

With everything else on his mind, it was easy to push those questions aside and focus on the next struggle he’d have set up for him. Preparing his unit for more men, and even more terrifying than that. 

Marriage.


	14. Assault on Xiakou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng reunites with old acquaintances at Xiakou...

As it turned out, marriage wasn’t nearly as daunting a task as he had feared it would be. For a man that grew up a peasant turned soldier, there were fewer snags than that of those seeking marriage through nobility. When it came to finding a bride, there were less politics involved and the selection of available women in his own class was relatively small. There were no high expectations, or any talk of how degrading or ‘sullying’ of bloodlines to get in the way of negotiations and the women of his class were, for the most part, more realistic and down to earth. So having to impress his bride to be and their family wasn’t too terrifying. 

It took a few days for the matchmaker to compile a list, and even less than a minute for Lü Meng to make his decision.

Zheng Ren, the dainty and polite young maiden that had followed Lü Meng when he left Fupo to join Sun Ce’s forces and had helped him with earning Lord Quan’s favor was at the top of the list, and it took little convincing to both her and her family to consummate the marriage. 

Lü Meng suspected that she had been waiting a good long while for this and had been saving up for the dowries in secret, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t pleased with the outcome of this endeavor. He had known Ren since he was little and that had made everything easier for the both of them. He could never forget how much she and her grandfather helped him those few years ago when he was in hiding, so to him, it was a welcome responsibility and had not interfered with his duties in the least. What more could he have asked for?

If there was one unwelcomed hitch that came with the marriage, it was Ren’s desire to accompany him to the barracks and anywhere else his duty may take him. They had a routine now, and a familiar one to him. He would have her with his mother, Yenji and her children, and she’d suddenly appear with his men, either hiding among the troops or in the supply carriage, and any effort to send her back was not only met with heavy resistance from her, but his unit as well. They had adored her, especially her cooking and it didn’t take them long to proclaim her to be good luck. They were keen to point out that they never lost a battle or a man when ‘Lady Meng’ was with them. 

They weren’t wrong, as even Lü Meng had noticed the difference her presence made. He merely accounted it to their boosted morale instead of her actual presence bringing them good fortune. Her meals kept them satisfied, her stitching kept their new armor intact and thus their insides intact, and her presence made the men, and himself, protective, made them fight all the hard for if there was a hole in their defense, their lady would be in danger, and not a single man in the Western regiment would allow that.

Eventually, Lü Meng would relent and allow her to accompany them, though under his conditions. She would always have a guarded escort, two if he could spare the men, and she was to stay away from the fighting. She agreed to both conditions, as she proclaimed not to have any interest in the fighting aspect and would have preferred to hide or flee, but that didn’t mean that Lü Meng was willing to take any chances. He may have came off overprotective, but he’d take that over the thought of anything happening to her while she was accompanying them. As much as he was afraid to admit it, he had grown rather fond of her company among his unit, and not all of it had to do with how she boosted their morale…

Part of him was torn at the reaction he’d get when she accompanied them to Xiakou. He had tried to convince her to make an exception on this one. Too far, too dangerous, especially for a woman that was expecting, but it did not phase her in the least. If anything, she insisted even harder and with more fervor that she should attend. A more dangerous foe meant more luck they would need, and with another Lü on the way, she convinced him that it would give them double good fortune.

It was a horrible idea, but he knew that she would only sneak along with him, or worse, travel after him on her own if he tried to refuse her. He could only hope that her claims of good fortune would have been enough when he’d have to explain why he brought a four-month pregnant woman along with them on their call to arms. Yet, despite his concerns and the ridicule he knew he would get, he would not hide her. If his lord or a senior ranking officer asked her to be sent away, he would attempt to oblige them, but he would not hide her when there was nothing he felt ashamed of.

Even if he did feel an ounce of shame, it would have been overwhelmed by his excitement. It had been almost three years since he had seen those he left behind at Jianye and it reflected so much that his men could see a vast improvement in his temperament once they set out. He knew little of whatever conflict their young lord had with Huang Zu, but knowing that he would see Ling Cao, his son, and the others again, as well as show how effective his unit was had certainly chased away much of his doubts. Whoever their enemy was, he would find out soon enough.

It hardly surprised him that the first to greet him was Ling Cao himself. First to battle and first at welcoming as the scarred veteran wasted no time in greeting Lü Meng and his wife. The moment they had boarded the vessel and set out down the river, he was kind enough to fill them in, figuring that no one else had done so and that Lü Meng wouldn’t have known the history that existed between the Sun family and their enemy.

“Huang Zu’s a veteran, servant of Liu Biao, and currently in charge of the lands of Xiakou. Not to mention, a constant thorn in our side,” Ling Cao said, standing at the edge of the rails and not at all bothered by how a single rock of the waves could send him tumbling down into the river. Ying gave a huff and didn’t care for the other man to be so close to his master and his wife, but Lü Meng kept him from acting out at every chance. “There’s a lot of bad blood between our lords and Huang Zu, as he was the one responsible for their father’s death. This was before your time and Huang Zu’s been a bother to us ever since. Lord Sun Ce, heavens bless him, had tried his hand once before and he managed to escape. At least we’ve managed to corral him here, but it’s not enough. Lord Quan wants him dead, and I’m going to be the one to guarantee that.”

Lü Meng had actually heard the name Huang Zu whispered among others, but only in passing. He remembered the late Sun Ce being disgruntled and mention his name with great disdain, though he never thought to ask before. He didn’t have the courage to ask, and now he had courage a plenty! So what exactly kept him from asking? He wasn’t sure. Ling Cao had told him exactly what he needed to know and found himself sympathizing with his young lord, even when he was curious if that was the depth of this fight. Simple revenge. Ling Cao’s son seemed to have an answer, and Lü Meng was stunned to see the youth, no… teenager that now stood before him. “There’s no way he’s going to escape now. Zhongmou’s father will finally be avenged and no one will question his authenticity in ruling the Sun family.”

“Ling Tong!” Lü Meng nearly flew off his saddle to greet him and he wasn’t at all surprised to find himself craning his neck to look him in the face. Like father, like son, it seemed, though now he was certain that Tong had surpassed his father by now. And his joy was reciprocated, as there was no denying the sincerity of that smile when they clasped hands. “You’ve sprouted up fast! It’s only been three years and you’re already towering above me!”

“Can’t help it if you’re short.” Ling Tong flashed him a smile and Lü Meng could tell he was holding back his joy, though why he did there could be no question. Ling Cao was a strict father and though he loved his son, he simply expressed his affections in a different way, which had a way of rubbing off on him. Not that it bothered Lü Meng in the least, but his absence likely made any chance for the youth to express himself freely dissipate in the wind. “Heard you wowed Zhongmou during an inspection. How’d you manage that?”

“Tong, please refer to him as Lord Sun or Lord Quan while there are others present,” Ling Cao said, the stern look he sent his son was felt not only by him but Lü Meng as well, and he considered himself grateful to have the mother he did, as she had prepared him for such things. Ling Tong flinched at the reprimand and gave a meek sounding ‘yes sir’. Ling Cao’s tone softened somewhat as he addressed them both. “Our young lord has an eye for talent, and with Lü Meng, it was only a matter of time that he moved up in the ranks. Just as you will someday, Tong, so learn well.”

Lü Meng felt out of the loop as Ling Tong looked ready to burst with joy. “Then you spoke with Zho- Lord Quan, father? What did he say?”

“What do you think?” The smile was small and taut, but the scars only accented them and made it clear to see from any angle. “He approved of your request and has seemed you fit for battle, but under Lü Meng’s unit, not mine.”

Ling Tong was over the moon and few could blame him. Lü Meng was a little surprised to hear the news and feared he had missed another message, but before that could gnaw on his conscious, Ling Cao came to his rescue. “I was told to tell you in person. Considering your speedy arrival and your tendency to delay answering messages, he figured it’d be better this way. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, not at all. Our lord knows me well,” Lü Meng said quickly, hoping that the veteran wouldn’t ask what his lord had meant. He had managed to learn -some- basic reading skills while tending to his duties, but writing was still out of the question for him. However, Ling Cao showed little interest in the matter and with good reasons, and he could tell that his concerns were elsewhere. One didn’t need to be a genius or have a keen eye to figure out the cause of the worry in those eyes of his. “Sir, I’ll take good care of him and treat him like one of my own. He’ll be safe with me.”

“To that I have no doubt. If you are willing to bring your own wife to the field, then you must have the utmost confidence in your unit to hold the line.”

From anyone else it may have came off as an insult, but from Ling Cao, it was the best kind of praise he could think to receive. He could feel his cheeks growing warm and he shifted into a bow from the waist to hide the blush, even as he heard a giggle from his wife and a chorus of ‘yes sir’ and even a few ‘damn straights’ from his men. By now, Ling Tong had gone to retrieve his horse and effects and once he was out of earshot, his father’s expression hardened. “I know I don’t need to ask you much, but please… make sure he doesn’t follow my lead. I know he’s young, maybe too young, but our lord insisted that he was ready. Could you-”

“I’ll keep him stationed in the back, sir,” Lü Meng said, any blush or mirth gone from his voice as he felt Ling Cao deserved his complete and undivided attention on this. This was Ling Cao’s son, his family, and he knew that there were fewer things greater than that. He made no mention of how young he was when he snuck along with Deng Dang’s unit as he wasn’t certain if it would have helped or hindered Ling Cao’s misgivings on the idea, and in truth, Sun Quan’s approval was all that was needed here. He couldn’t help that, but he could help Ling Cao. “I promise, I will keep him safe, even if I have to babysit him.”

“Heh, don’t put yourself in such a bind. Him being stationed with you instead of me is more than enough. It’s just… he’s young, impulsive, and just wants just take off and fly without waiting to see how the wind fairs. I suppose that’s my fault and it should be my burden to bear, not yours.”

Lü Meng broke his serious facade to shrug. “It’s no bother at all. We’re an army, so we should each other’s burdens. That way the pressure isn’t all on one person. Otherwise, why would it be an army if it’s all on one man’s shoulders?”

He couldn’t describe the look that Ling Cao gave him and perhaps he never would, as he wore a rather proud smile before giving him a respectful bow of the head and following after his son. Always the first someplace, it seemed. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and looked to Lady Meng, noticing her concern and how her gaze lingered on the departing Ling Cao. “Are you alright?”

“I’m comfortable. No kicking today. Just worried about the general and his son.” Like Lü Meng, Ren was honest, though she had a more delicate manner of addressing what was on her mind. “He’s eager to go out and make his father proud, despite the danger. He reminds me of a certain other man who ran off to fight so young.”

He assumed she was addressing him and so he didn’t bother to ask, instead moving on. He didn’t want to make Ling Cao wait too long and he was certain that his new responsibility would threaten to leave him behind if he wasn’t careful. “Yes, but I had Deng Dang and the rest of the men to keep me safe. I’ll simply have to be Deng Dang to Ling Tong.”

Ren giggled, not meaning to cause her husband anymore concern. “Or you can be you. I’m simply worried, that’s all. Getting a head start on being a mother. One of us has to have some idea of what raising a child will be like, and no, I don’t think they’ll be like training soldiers.”

“Please, don’t remind me…” Lü Meng said with a smile though as nervous as he was about impending parenthood, it wouldn’t stick. He could tell that her intuition was flaring up. She had felt uneasy before and he had come to rely on such hunches, and the look he gave his men spoke volumes of this. Whatever the cause, they would be alert and ready. This battle, whatever the reason for it, would leave a lasting impression… they could only hope that they’d be alive to see what it would be.

~*~*~

The boats hadn’t even reached the docks and already Ling Cao was halfway across the beach. No one of the Wu forces were surprised, though it was clear that their enemy were taken off guard by the lone rider. Whatever defense they had set up had expected to see men charging off of the approaching boats before they even set anchor. Lü Meng had the benefit of seeing the results of Ling Cao’s charge, and having learned from the last excursion, he made his own charge, as he and his men swept in to finish off the confused men left in Ling Cao’s wake. He used dazed and injured men as their trail as they pushed forward. To Lü Meng, it was a familiar position, and so long as he kept his attention set forward and could spot either Ling Cao’s banner or mace, all was well.

So far, so good, at least from his standpoint. His men were doing their job and the excitement that came from the left just over the ridge told him that their land forces were having some mild success of their own. Thus far, Zhou Yu’s strategy was holding up well, but that ill feeling his wife had had already managed to spread to him. Something seemed off. Something was wrong. 

His horse could sense it too. He thrust his glaive into a nearby enemy and accidentally dragged the body when Ying stomped his foot and fidgeted in place, and any effort to calm him was met with resistance. 

“Archers!”

He had no idea who had warmed them or how he could even hear them, but he owed that man his life. The part of the ridge that the southern forces had not reached yet glistened with what looked like a thousand of beady eyes and Lü Meng realized they were merely the light of the sun reflecting off of the metal arrow heads, and he shouted to his men before Ying reared up and banked right. “Back! Cover!”

The sky went dark with arrows but he dared not slow down or look. When it came to speed versus might, Ying had always favored might and sheer, unfiltered aggression, but he never once doubted a horse’s ability to push oneself when it came to survival. Arrows sunk into the sand and fell around him and he could feel the ping of one or two nicking his armor and he was certain that one had managed to lodge itself on his left pauldron and could feel the arrow’s bite just barely scraping against the clothing and flesh beneath, but besides that, he was amazed he and Ying came out of that alive. He grabbed the arrow and wrenched it out before it could dig any deeper and cast a look to see how his men were faring from the hailstorm of arrows, and he had little time to access the damage when one of his men pointed to the blaring problem that came in the form of a young teenager atop a white horse. 

It was Ling Tong, as clear as day, charging forward despite the arrows that still trickled from the sky and following that carnage left by Ling Cao’s gallant charge. Lü Meng didn’t even bother asking what the youth was doing and he let out a string of curses as he spun Ying around and gave chase.

Sure, he’d look like the biggest moron to grace Sun Quan’s army and he could have ended up being an extremely dead on too, but he couldn’t let Ling Tong run off on his own like that. The raining arrows finally ceased and he assumed they were merely reloading; he could hope that he could manage to reach past the archers before the next round and drag Ling Tong back, but he held little hope in that plan. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!”

He wanted to think of all of the curse words he’d sling at the teenager when he caught up with him. Maybe he’d even let Ying lose on the teen- no, no, that was too cruel, even if he deserved it. Ying didn’t seem to think so as the horse charged forward, seeing the danger but ignoring any basic instincts. One soldier had noticed Ling Tong and looked to be fitting an arrow to his bow, and without thinking Lü Meng let out a shout, pitching his voice loudly and making damn sure he caught his attention and that of every man on the shore it seemed. “Come down here and fight us like true warriors, cowards!”

Not… the most intimidating taunt he had done but it gained their attention, as the archers all turned to him, freeing Ling Tong and in the confusion, they allowed the teenager to pass through the opening. One problem solved, now to solve the one he had now gotten himself into. He could hold on to the hope that they’d miss or Ying would terrify them, but the forces from the south were a far more successful solution. A few arrows managed to reach the sky and Lü Meng had flinched when one came dangerously close to his head, but not a single one hit him, as the sudden appearance of Taishi Ci and his unit had halted the bulk of the volley. Like with Ling Tong before, the pathway was clear for Lü Meng to push through. Maybe once the fight was over he’d thank the warrior personally for his assistance, but for now, his mind focused solely on getting to Ling Tong and Ling Cao. 

Something didn’t settle in his gut as Ying rushed forward, spurred on by the sense of urgency in his master’s form. Before he could fear that the two Ling could get too far ahead, though, he caught sight of Ling Tong, and then, Ling Cao, as the mace was lifted high above his head and looked ready to split the decorated officer’s skull right open with a single blow. All he needed to do was swing, but the mace never fell into the forward motion. Instead, it slipped backwards through his open fingers and Lü Meng watched as Ling Cao followed shortly after, sliding off the saddle and falling onto the blood soaked earth below, just short of his would-be prey. It wasn’t until Lü Meng had drawn closer that he saw the arrow protruding through Ling Cao’s chest, square in the heart, the pink goose feather dangling as though to taunt them of just how swift death struck this day. 

Whatever thoughts Lü Meng may have had in his head were chased away by the cry that Ling Tong let out, and he wasn’t sure how he even managed to catch up with the youth nor how he grabbed him before he could rush to his father’s side, but once he felt his fingers close in around his arm, he was determined never to release him again.

Lü Meng was no fool. He knew next to nothing about strategy but he knew a bad situation when he saw one. Ling Cao’s fall had warned him of his and Ling Tong’s fate if they lingered here any longer, so close to Huang Zu’s fortress and with the archers above on the walls running to take their positions for the next volley. Somewhere in the chaos, the man that Ling Cao had nearly killed had fled into the fortress and had Lü Meng not been so focused on trying to calm the hysterical teen, he might have been brave and foolish enough to chase after him. But no, his mind was solely on his promise to Ling Cao and he tried to pull Ling Tong along. His horse was willing, but its rider protested with all of his might. “Ling Tong, we need to fall back!”

“No! Father! Father!” As strict as a father that Ling Cao had been, he had never seemed to give his son a lesson in grieving and Lü Meng couldn’t find it in his heart to be angry when poor Ling Tong looked to be in the thraws of hysterics. He fought against Lü Meng’s hold and all sense of survival was gone, replaced only with the sheer determination that he had to get to his father’s body and not at all seeing just how close death truly was. Lü Meng did, however, and he could see them fitting arrows onto their bows, and that was the final straw. He pulled with all of his might, so much that Ling Tong flew off of his saddle and landed stomach first onto his own horse. Ying protested the extra weight but did not give more than a short balk, as his master kicked his heels into his ribs and screamed at him to go.

 

It hurt to hear Ling Tong’s sobs, more than what he would have expected any arrow’s bite might have felt in his mind. Had he not beard the ‘thunks’ of arrows falling around him or felt one nip at his arm and another his cheek, he would have tried to comfort those heart wrenching sobs, but the danger was still very present and very, very real. 

In the distance, he could hear the drums beating a pattern his despised, but he would not object to the call to fall back. The heavy rain of arrows and the bodies of those unfortunate enough not to escape their wrath littered the grounds and spoke volumes to any sane or rational person in the area that this approach would simply not work. Even Lü Meng knew it to be useless; he simply hoped that Ling Tong would have forgiven him for this offense someday...

~*~*~

Lü Meng was no stranger to injuries. Beneath his armor, he already wore a variety of scars, though he was not so well versed on each of their origins. Today he’d have new wounds and in time, they would become new scars, with new stories to tell. These, however, he’d remember these. These struck deep, though not a single one was life threatening (barring infection, of course). But they came with the sting of defeat, both military and personal defeat. 

He lost men before and he was no stranger to death, but this one struck deep, and hard. He had watched Ling Cao’s life end before his eyes, but worse than that, Ling Tong had witnessed it too.

He scoffed to himself bitterly. He was fortunate in a way. His own father had met a gruesome fate at the hands of the Shanyue but he and Chin were infants, too young to even remember his face. Chin was will, but died rather peacefully. He had witnessed Fa Shi fall from a distance but it was not close enough to truly see that it was him until his body was recovered once the battle was thrown. He was told that Deng Dang’s was a sudden illness and that he went in his sleep. Even Sun Ce’s, though sudden and without details to him, had occurred in his absence. All those that Lü Meng had cherished that died had the courtesy of passing either peacefully or while he was away. He wished the same could have been said for Ling Tong.

The moment their lord ordered them back to the boats, Lü Meng had tried to check on Ling Tong, but Taishi Ci had took one look at his wounds and practically dragged him to the infirmary. Any time that Lü Meng asked about Ling Tong’s whereabouts, he was given a bare-bones answer. He was on board and he was safe. They would say it as though it should have been enough to comfort him, but they were wrong. It wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.

But it’d have to do for now, he told himself, gritting his teeth against the stinging sensation in his arm when the medic spread the ointment over his fresh cut. He was thorough, but he lacked the finesse that Yenji or Lady Meng had, he thought with deep bitterness in his heart. His mind kept on with his train of thought, looking for a chance to keep his mind preoccupied from the physical pain he was in. 

Ling Tong demanded action for his father’s death, but seeing as the archers station atop the fortress walls would not allow anything living near its wall, the order to fall back was understandable, even to Lü Meng. They could not retrieve the bodies of those that had fallen near the fortress or the shore, and they could not risk another attack from that angle and not expect the death toll to be great. Sun Quan had been wise to fall for the retreat, though he assured the distraught Ling Tong and his men that it would only be a temporary withdrawal. They merely needed to find another opening. 

Lü Meng hoped it’d be soon. He wanted revenge for Ling Cao. He wanted closure for Ling Tong. When Zhou Yu had questioned him on the details, Lü Meng bypassed the usual act and told him all that he could. Which did not seem like much at the time. He didn’t see who had fired the arrow, but he did see the arrow itself. 

“Think hard, Lü Meng. Are you absolutely certain that it was a goose feather?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Lü Meng gave a grunt, not in response to Zhou Yu’s interrogation but to the pain and now he rose his hand to push the medic back. He was too close to his face now and the gash on his temple was apparently much deeper than those on his arms and shoulder. When the medic tried to retake his position, Lü Meng sent him a heated flare and Zhou Yu stepped in. He sent the medic away and motioned for Lü Meng to continue. “They were white, with pink tips, definitely goose feathers. They weren’t like the rest of the arrows- I’d know, I had a few in my armor.”

Those were just white, no fancy colors on the tip, and Zhou Yu gave a sullen nod. He suspected he was investigating the identity of the man that killed Ling Tong’s father, and Lü Meng couldn’t help but notice how his dark brown eyes lit up in what he knew to be recognition at the mention of the feathers. When Zhou Yu looked ready to leave, Lü Meng stood up and flung his question at him, never meaning for his voice to carry like it did but too late to take it back, even when it earned him a startled look from the strategist. “You know who it is then. Who is he, Lord Zhou Yu?”

“Why? So you can run off on your own for revenge?” Zhou Yu countered his barely contained rage with a smothering kind of calm, and instead of there being mockery in that cultured voice of his, there was compassion and perhaps even concern, all of which Lü Meng was weary of but simply too distraught to hold onto those suspicions for long. “I understand you’re angry, and you have every right to be. No doubt you probably feel responsibility for his fate-”

“No, my lord…”

The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them and Zhou Yu’s curious look may have tickled him had the weight of Ling Cao’s death not been so crushing. “No? No to what, may I ask? Running off on your own, or feeling at fault for Ling Cao’s fate?”

Lü Meng blinked a few times, almost losing his nerve but getting it back when the memory of the veteran sliding onto the ground, his life stolen from him so quickly and suddenly, flashed across his eyes. Was it his fault? He shook his head. “Both. I’m stupid, but not that stupid. If anyone deserves revenge, it’s his son, and I wouldn’t dare take that from him. As for Ling Cao’s death…

“What could I have done differently? I arrived too late, and even if I had been there, how could I have stopped it? I never even saw the arrow until he fell,” Lü Meng said, losing much of his fire and now unable to fight the effects of the wound to his temple. It stung and sent him painful reminders of its existence with every word he spoke. If Zhou Yu was worried he’d run off, it would be quelled, as he retook his seat and pressed a rag to his wound, seeking to silence it so that he could explain himself to his senior officer. “I suppose I could have taken it instead, but then…”

“Would Ling Cao had his wits about him to grab his son and retreat?”

Lü Meng shrugged. “But he would have killed their commander, and then battle would have been won. Lord Quan’s father would have been avenged, and none would question his rule.”

His gaze was cast down now and thus he missed Zhou Yu’s expression entirely. It might have pleased him to see just how humbled he now appeared, but it was for the best he didn’t see it. He was already conflicted and seeing that would have killed him even more. “Perhaps, but at what cost? The lives of three great officers, added to those we’ve already lost in our first wave, would not have been worth the cost. We’ve already lost one, along with those loyal soldiers, and that alone is more than enough.”

It was comforting that Zhou Yu was kind enough to imply he was a good officer, but he doubted his death would have harmed their army nearly as much as he claimed it would. Yes, his men would be crushed and poor Ren would be left a widow, but he wasn’t going to kid himself into thinking that it’d impact the army as a whole beyond that. However, he was in no mood to debate his self worth right now, so he let the matter drop. For now. “So, what’s next?”

“A peculiar question, coming from you. I’m starting to think I don’t even know you at all, Lü Meng.”

Poor Lü Meng didn’t understand the statement and he stared at Zhou Yu with a vacate expression. The awkwardness didn’t last long, though, as Zhou Yu cleared his throat and grew serious once more. “For now, we’re going to fall back along the river and look for a different approach. This will give our troops a chance to recover as we devise a plan. Capturing that fortress may prove more difficult than we first imagined, but I have no doubts it can be done. We simply need to pull back and recuperate.” 

“And Ling Tong?” Lü Meng asked, not willing to drop the matter so easily. “What about him?”

“What about him?” Zhou Yu shot back, putting emphasis on different words and making it sound as though it was not a problem at all. This brought back the familiar feelings and Lü Meng felt himself falling back into old habits once more. This feeling of disdain and distrust was welcome territory to him. “He will be given the time to grieve, and once we discover the identity of the man that slain Ling Cao, there’s no doubt that our lord will grant him the opportunity for revenge.”

He could have said nothing, and he really should have just kept his mouth just. But Zhou Yu had already pegged him for a fool, so why prove the great strategist wrong now? “But you know who it is. I saw that look in your eyes. You recognized the goose feathers, didn’t you? Why not just tell him so that he has a name?”

Zhou Yu captured the younger officer with a fierce gaze. Lü Meng couldn’t help but want to wither beneath it, despite how he faced far more terrifying foes before. Yes, he should have just kept quiet and keep his thoughts to himself, but it was too late now. Instead of apologizing and losing ground, though, he pressed onward, his tone much meeker than before and likely hindering his efforts. “I mean, it’s his right to know the identity of his father’s murderer, and why not just tell him now?”

After that last bit, Zhou Yu’s gaze softened, but not by much. The icy tone of his voice, however, warned him to back down from his course of action at once and Lü Meng may have stood taller than his senior officer but one couldn’t tell by the way he hunched his shoulders in lieu of his tone. “You’re right on both accounts. Yes, I do know the identity of his killer, or at least, I have a good idea who it is based on the description you gave me. And yes, it is Ling Tong’s right to know. But it’s not -your- right to know, and unlike you, he will be given time to grieve his father’s death properly, not plotting his revenge, especially when we’re at a disadvantage. Once we are ready to provide the support he needs, we’ll grant his desire, but for now, it’s best he not know. As well as you.”

Lü Meng hated Zhou Yu, more than he ever did before, because he knew he was right on all accounts. He didn’t want to admit it, but he’d be an even bigger fool to deny it. He was willing to let it go, if only because he grew tired of this pointless prattle that only made him feel resentful and useless. “I already told you I would not go seeking him on my own, but as you wish, Lord Zhou Yu.”

And with that, he motioned for the medic to return, letting Zhou Yu know that he won without having to verbally announce it. The medic was a brave and loyal soul to put himself back into the tension for the sake of his duty, he admitted to himself. Even then, Zhou Yu let out a low retort, as if knowing he had won wasn’t enough to satisfy him in the least. “I’m merely acting in your best interest, Lü Meng. Take care.”

It was a polite way of saying ‘go jump off a cliff’, but Lü Meng would not share such thoughts aloud now. He was done with humiliating himself for one day and merely saw Zhou Yu off with a silent nod of the head. Huge mistake, as it only caused the medic’s fingers to brush against his wound and sent a spasm of hissing pain through his head. He gave a pained grunt and frightened the medic, but he dug his fingers into his pants to ensure that he would not lash out at him, though he wouldn’t blame the man if he didn’t trust him. He probably looked like a tiger ready to pounce, a sour-faced tiger that plotted how he could begin his hunt for Ling Cao’s murderer so that he could help his son find the closure he deserved. 

Zhou Yu knew but he would not tell. He sneered at the thought before slacking his shoulders once more. He got lost in his thoughts as the medic went back to work, this time tending to the wound as though he was walking on eggshells. He’d simply have to ask around until someone was willing, or just as foolish as him, gave an answer.

Ling Cao would be avenged…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“So, you did not know?”

Zuo Ci was kind enough to chime in softly as to not agitate Lü Meng’s senses, and though he saw how he pressed his fingers to his temple, to feel for the scar that remained though hidden from sight by thinning dark brown hair, he brought no further attention to it. Small blessing, Lü Meng thought, before bringing his hand back down and glaring at Zuo Ci with squinted eyes, “No,” he eventually said. “But I’d find out eventually.”

“Ling Cao’s killer, as well as what Zhou Yu had meant?”

“Yes.” Lü Meng let out a reluctant sigh and leaned forward, flashing the mystic a rather snide grin before pointing to his scarred temple. “You have access to these memories, so why don’t you spare yourself the suspense and just skip ahead?”

“Why? Are you so eager to relive the pain, or are you trying to hide from it?”

Zuo Ci rose a good point, he had to admit, but the Chief-Commander would not let him know. He was merely testing something and thus far, he had not gotten enough information to draw a conclusion. Yet. “I’ve learned you can’t really hide from pain. It’s easier to confront it, rather than hide it and allow it to fester. At least that kind of pain. So go ahead, Master Zuo Ci. Please continue.”

There was a hint of suspicion in that weathered face of his adversary, but Zuo Ci did not make him wait too long. The world around him began to take form, masking the realm around them as trees rushed by his form at a speed consistent with a man running at full speed. “Very well, Chief-Commander. Carry on.”

“Lü Meng!”

But the voice came too late…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He was an idiot to leave his horse, but it was far too late to backtrack now. Yes, he was well aware that he was more or less abandoning his post, despite not really having orders to proceed, but if any noticed his absence and demanded retribution, he’d feel no shame or remorse in his actions. 

The minute he heard her screams echo throughout the woods, he knew the twisted feeling in his gut was justified, and he didn’t even have time to tell his second to assume command of operations before he grabbed his glaive and rushed into the woods with a shout. “Ren!”

He could have alerted the enemy to their position, but he wasn’t thinking about anything else, except finding his pregnant wife and saving her from whatever would cause such a terrifying scream. Was it their enemy? Tigers? Wolves? Had he not been so panicked, he would have considered she had seen a spider or a bat, but no, that kind of scream… he heard them before. When the Shanyue attacked or a maneater had managed to creep into a home, desperate for a meal that could not fight back. Those were the screams that any native of Fupo heard and they held nothing short of pure, unadulterated terror in them. 

He had escaped that like so that he would never have to hear such cries again. Never did he think he’d hear such a sound from his wife! “Ren! I’m coming, run towards my voice!”

And he wasn’t alone. Others heard her screams and sprung into action behind their captain, wielding spears and swords. No doubt the nearest unit would have seen such a clamor. Had he waited a few seconds, he might have seen how Zhu Ran flew himself onto his mount, but all he could see was the forest of trees and -not- his wife, and that only continued to worry him.

He was going to shout again, but someone burst through the bushes and nearly rammed into him. He was close, so very close to raising his weapon and he was thankful that his reflexes stalled, as Ren all but flung herself into his arms. Something heavy and wooden fell from her hands as she clung to him, and he managed to wrap one arm around her pudgy form without dropping his glaive. He spoke in a tone that sounded far braver than he felt and gave away none of the fear he felt within him. Only relief that she appeared unharmed. “Ren, what’s the matter?”

By now the others had caught up with him, some of his men taking it upon themselves to form a protective barrier around their captain and his wife. Despite her screams, there were no tears and she sounded more winded than frightened. “Someone was lurking outside your tent! I ran at the first chance I got, just like you said…”

Oh, yes, he was relieved to see that she was alive and he could not stop himself from bringing a hand over her bulge, not needing to ask as she bobbed her head up and down. “She’s fine… or he… where should I go?”

He gave her one more protective squeeze before nudging her to one of his officers, and none could blame him for the barely contained anger that clouded his gruff voice now. “Go with Xu Sheng. Keep her safe. The rest of you, with me.”

There were no arguments, even from Ren. She gave an obedient nod and fled towards the young officer that reached out to her, and no sooner had they broke physical contact, Lü Meng and his men stormed towards the camp. Chen Wong grabbed the fallen object at Lü Meng’s feet and silently inspected the crossbow, noting that several bolts were missing but keeping this to himself until they found the intruder. Not only was it smart of her to run, but she was smart to defend herself and her child too. Lü Meng would have been extremely proud of Ren had he not been at his boiling point that someone had tried to assault his wife!

Not a single man could hold it against him and when they arrived at his personal tent, they were quick to make room for him. It didn’t take long to spot the would-be assailant and Lü Meng motioned for them to hold their position. None knew why, but none disobeyed, and the curse that left his lips only added to the humorous predicament that this brave and foolish assailant was trapped in. “Oh, shit…”

There, pinned to a tree by multiple bolts and looking mighty disgruntled, was a face only he’d recognize and one he thought he’d never see again. “Hey, is this anyway to treat someone coming to join your side?!”


	15. Gan Ning of the Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng reunites with an old run in and must convince him to join Wu...

“You!”

Lü Meng had never forgotten that man. How could anyone forget a man decked in tattoos and bells? His men remained silent and poised, eager for their captain to tear the intruder apart for his audacity, and while some were curious about how Lü Meng had known this man, they were willing to wait until after he dispatched him to hell for an answer.

And yet, their captain held back though the way he held his glaive made it clear that he would not be putting up with his shenanigans for too much longer. Not that their intruder seemed to notice this, as he let out an impatient grunt. “Yep, it’s me. Now let me down and let’s talk. I wasn’t kidding about joining your side. But maybe that’d be a bad idea if this is how you say hello.”

“You snuck into my camp, and assaulted my wife!” Lü Meng snapped, somehow keeping his weapon at the ready when his men knew just how much self restraint he was exercising at that given moment to not just run him through and be done with it. He stayed his hand, but for how long? 

The way Gan Ning winced was at least promising, as he tried to explain himself. “Well, yeah and no. Yeah, I snuck into your camp because you seem like a nice guy, but I didn’t assault her. She assaulted me!”

Lü Meng looked Gan Ning over and took note of the bolts that punned the belled warrior to the tree, and only then did Chen Wong speak up, presenting the crossbow to his captain. “Seems she fired a few shots before running. She’s got good aim.”

“No she don’t!” Gan Ning spat, his voice dripping with indignant. “Little minx shot through the tent. She got lucky, that’s all.”

At this, Lü Meng and his men looked towards the tent and the holes in the fabric confirmed his story. If anything, it only made Lü Meng even more proud, and that sense of pride easily overran his anger, if only for the moment. He would have to thank Lianshi personally for taking the time to teach Ren how to use it, even if she did lash out blindly. However, that pride eventually fell into anger once more and Lü Meng threatened to close the distance between them as he let out a warning to the intruder. “That ‘minx’ is my wife, my -pregnant- wife, and if you ever go near her again, I’ll let my horse finish you off. You got that?”

It was a good threat to those that knew just how feisty and aggressive his horse could be, and if anyone should have known personally, it’d be Gan Ning. And yet, the smile that curled onto Gan Ning’s features was downright smug. Lü Meng was surprised to hear him speak in a hushed tone, as if his words were only meant for him. “Ha! You couldn’t beat me yourself, so you’d send your horse instead? I ain’t afraid of you, your stupid horse, or your wife. Let me off this tree and I’ll dance circles around you.”

Lü Meng never forgot their fight those few years ago, and the damned former pirate was right. He had more experience and if it wasn’t for the timely invention of Ying, he may have very well died that night. A horrifying thought, but one that was ever present in the mind of a soldier these days, and Ling Cao’s death still hit him deep. He could have died that night and probably should have. His men might not have known that, but Gan Ning certainly did, and it was certain that he was willing to blackmail should the captain not give him what he wanted.

“You probably could,” said Lü Meng, figuring it’d be best to beat Gan Ning to the punch and spare him the satisfaction of doing it himself. Not that he would think he’d lose the respect of his unit if they knew this, but still, it could not hurt to be humble. “Granted now I’ve had some years to hone my skills so the fight could be even, should it come down to it. But you didn’t come here to fight me, did you?”

It wasn’t immediate, but gradually, the sneer on Gan Ning’s lips straightened out into a far less hostile expression, and though he sounded impatient, he was not as threatening as before. “No, as I already told you before, I came to join your side. I’m done working with Huang Zu… the ungrateful prick.”

There was a depth of sincerity in those words and Lü Meng mused it to himself. He had not known that Gan Ning was even employed with Huang Zu, but he was certain others might have known. No doubt Zhou Yu would have known. The sound of approaching hooves did little to distract Lü Meng from his train of thought. He drew closer to grab the bolt that pinned the former pirate down at the neck of the vest. “If I let you down, you would very well attack and kill me. How can I trust you?”

At this short distance, it was easy to read expressions. He wouldn’t kid himself- he was not even a fraction as intelligent as Zhou Yu. Hell, he suspected his damned horse to be brighter than him at times. But the look that Gan Ning had in his crimson red eyes felt deep and sincere, far more sincere then anything he had seen in Zhou Yu’s. “I won’t. I’m not stupid. I could wipe the floor with you and your men, but… it wouldn’t look good on me. You’re going to just have to trust me.”

Lü Meng resisted the urge to scoff at the notion. Truth of the matter, he wanted to trust him, or anyone, really, but trust came hard when working with the likes of Yu Mao and Zhou Yu. It made it complicated, and he hated complicated.

He leaned closer and stared the man in the eyes, speaking in a harsh whisper of his own as Zhu Ran caught up with them. “But can I trust you? Why should I trust you?”

Gan Ning smiled. It was a snide, but somehow comforting one. “Because I could have defended myself when your wife attacked me. I could also pull this thing out myself and got myself off this tree, but I chose not to do either. Is that enough?”

For anyone else, perhaps not, but for Lü Meng, the conviction behind his words seemed all he needed to hear. Without another word, he grabbed the bolt and with a hearty yank, Gan Ning fell downwards and slid onto his rear with a loud grunt and jingling of bells. His men were surprised but none objected, at least not aloud. They kept their weapons drawn and at the ready when they noticed their captain did, and though he didn’t offer him a hand up, it was clear that he was helping to keep the ‘wolves’ at bay. He rose a hand to Zhu Ran when the young officer fitted an arrow onto his bow. There was no question who his target was and it was a contest of which action was more surprising: Lü Meng defending the man that almost harmed his wife, or that Gan Ning didn’t seem bothered by the fact that someone was about to run an arrow through him. He was either confident that Lü Meng would vouch for him, or just fearless. Or both, or neither. He could have been a fool, but it wasn’t for Lü Meng to decide. 

“Hold your fire, Zhu Ran.”

“Don’t you know who he is?” Zhu Ran asked, not happy with the order but not at all disobeying it. He wore an incredulous look and Lü Meng wasn’t sure why, but he was willing to chock it up to Gan Ning’s presence for now.

“Gan Ning ‘of the bells’ if I’m remembering right,” Lü Meng said flatly, and his men knew that tone all too well. His mind was made up and it would take much for him to change it now. “He intends to join Lord Quan’s army, though I will be having a few words with him before we present him. Send a messenger to inform our lord of our guest. We’ll leave immediately at dawn.”

One of the soldiers gave a ‘yes sir’ before departing to do so, and only then did his men lower their weapons. Zhu Ran wasn’t eager, but before Lü Meng could repeat himself, the youth flashed the former pirate a stern look before letting up before letting up on his bow and sparring the former pirate from a new decoration to his forehead. Lü Meng wasn’t keen on the look the youth flashed him, but he would not ask right now. He took his silence as a form of acceptance and was grateful… until Gan Nong opened his damned mouth. “Point that little bow at me again and I’ll show you how you’re really suppose to use one of those, kid!”

In an instant, Zhu Ran was raising his weapon but Lü Meng put himself between the two now, making it abundantly clear that he would allow none of it. Whatever anger he held in his heart was barely tethered when he glanced at the man he was defending and seeing him shrink did nothing to appease any of that. “Enough. If you’re going to be a part of Wu, you better stop goading your comrades into trouble. That’s now how we do things here, Gan Ning!”

Gan Ning was like a child being scorned, but he did not argue or provoke any further. He gave a reluctant grunt, and Zhu Ran once again lowered his bow, relieving the tension that threatened to stifle them. Once it had passed, Lü Meng held out a hand for Gan Ning to take. The former pirate looked it over but only for a second, as there was no further hesitation. He took his and threatened to pull the captain down. He wasn’t too surprised by the strength behind that man, nor his swiftness. It was how quickly he seemed to accept all of this…

That alone almost floored him, but he held strong, planting his feet in the ground and acting as the anchor for their new comrade to rise up. Once Gan Ning was on his feet, Lü Meng motioned to his tent, eager to get this impromptu evaluation done. And so was Gan Ning, as he gave no flack and went without further prompt, countering the stares he received with a wily one of his own, as if to welcome them all to join in a scrap. Lü Meng could feel the beginnings of regret gnawing at his mind but he said nothing. None of them jumped on the chance and he knew it spoke volumes of their discipline rather than any fear for the man decked in tattoos and bells. By the time Gan Ning disappeared into his tent, Zhu Ran was at Lü Meng’s side and like always he had no reservations about stating his mind. “You sure he’s legit?”

Lü Meng shrugged. “That’s what I plan to find out. But even if he isn’t, can we really turn down the help?”

“No, I guess not. He could give us intel on our enemy and him being on our side could definitely lower the enemy’s morale,” Zhu Ran said, casting a look towards the now damaged tent where their ‘guest’ was likely making himself comfortable. Lü Meng looked as well, to hide the fact that he had not really considered the matter in that much depth. “If he was valued, anyways. He could have just been a slacker that lived off of his reputation.”

Lü Meng shook his head and spoke with confidence that Zhu Ran probably didn’t understand. “No, I’ve seen him in action- he’s got skills and a drive, despite his peculiar appearance. Huang Zu was a fool not to value him.”

He merely hoped he wasn’t an equal fool for trusting him. He pitched his voice low so that the young officer would be the only one to hear him. “Zhu Ran, could you stick close, just in case?”

“I’d be happy to. Just keep a candle lit so I can see your silhouettes. One wrong move and I’ll light him up!”

Lü Meng couldn’t help but wince at his enthusiasm and he would have made any strategist proud as he pointed out the obvious flaw in that plan. “How about using regular arrows? Dying for Wu is fine, but I’d rather the final blow to come from an enemy.”

Zhu Ran blinked and his nervous laughter lifted his spirits, but only somewhat. “Uh, right. Don’t worry, you’re safe in my hands.”

To that there could be no doubt, and given the situation, Lü Meng could use any solid guarantee he could get. Now he addressed his men, not wishing to dismiss their concerns but knowing that they’d understand. “Alright, back to work. Chen Wong, you’re in charge of the operation until I return. Inform Xu Sheng and Lady Meng of what’s going on. You know your duties, so do them well. Dismissed.”

Not the grandest speech he gave and the look of disappointment on some of those faces were understandable, but again, no complaints were heard. If there would be, they’d be smart enough to do it out of earshot. Now there was nothing to get in the way of his own duty and he took a deep breath, steeling himself and preparing for whatever shenanigans this Gan Ning would subject him to. He’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he was just a little bit excited, though…

If he was genuine, how pleased would Lord Quan be to have a new advantage? At last, his father could be avenged, and Ling Cao’s death would not be in vain!

~*~*~

In his own mind, Lü Meng’s assessment would be brief, quick and to the point. He did not ask any deep questions, nothing profound, just simple ones such as ‘why choose us over going solo’ or ‘what could you offer us’. Small things like that, as he feared asking too many questions would chase the potential ally away. He asked his first question as they got settled in, not wanting to waste anymore of their time on formalities. “So, why did you come to us instead of just leaving Huang Zu?”

“Ran solo for a bit, but it didn’t work out,” Gan Ning said, eyeing the jug of what he suspected to be wine with hungry eyes. Lü Meng noticed it and made a point to ignore it. “Turns out I’m only good at fighting, so I took your advice. Went to the closest army and enlisted. Bah… I hope your Quan isn’t like Huang Zu.”

“I can assure you, he’s not.” Lü Meng could not stop himself from jumping onto the defensive, but he knew it to be inevitable. Nor could he stop the sense of pride he felt swelling within him as he spoke about his lord, though he would have never considered using such a phrase when addressing him. “He’s young, but smart, well-versed in war and tactics and he has an eye for talent. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll treat you much better than Huang Zu or any vassal would.”

“How well does he pay? Pretty good if he has you swooning at the mention of his name I bet…”

He couldn’t help but feel slighted by the comment and he glared at the former pirate. Any effort to stop his lips from pulling into a frown were met with little success and eventually he allowed it to happen, distressed on just how natural it felt to frown. “Don’t confuse loyalty with swooning. And he pays me well enough. The Sun family is wealthy and I’m sure he is willing to work out a price… so long as you pull your weight and do your job.”

“Pay me well and I’ll sing, maybe even dance.” They seemed to reach some kind of agreement and the former pirate leaned back, his gaze still not leaving the wine that Lü Meng failed to hide with his body. “Huang Zu didn’t pay much and now look at where that left him. One good officer short! Ungrateful swine.”

“Is that the only reason you’re switching sides? For money?”

Gan Ning flashed him a look and he hadn’t even said a word yet, but Lü Meng was steeling himself to be agitated with his brutality honest response. “Well, yeah? Is there any other reason to join an army?”

“There are plenty of reasons.” Lü Meng wasn’t even sure why he felt so annoyed, but he could not hold it against Gan Ning for his simple desires. What did it matter to him what his reasons were? What mattered was his sincerity and his loyalty, and if keeping his wallet full was what ensured that, then he knew it to be possible. “I’ll speak to Lord Quan about your pay. I don’t think he’ll see that as a problem and he’ll reward you handsomely for your work.”

“Good, that’s what I like to hear. So, what exactly will be expected of me? I’ll warn you right now, I’m only good at fighting and making my enemies dead.”

‘I wonder how many of my comrades learned this.’ Lü Meng kept this bitter thought to himself and pushed that nagging thought aside to address Gan Ning’s concerns. “Wu could always use skilled fighters. I still remember our fight, so I can vouch for your skills when the time comes.”

“Heh, considering that’s only a fraction of what I can do, it’s something I guess.” Gan Ning shrugged off the offer and failed to see how Lü Meng’s face soured again as he kept looking at that tantalizing wine! “Just so long as I’m not doing meaningless things, I’m good.”

“What’s ‘meaningless things’?”

Finally he looked at him and noted his expression, though the surliness was sullied by the curious look in his eyes. To which, Gan Ning shrugged but offered no remorse or backtracking. “You know, anything not fighting. I like downtime, sure, I just don’t want to do anything boring, like preparing strategies, meetings, or building crap. That’s what you got other people for, right? I’m good at fighting, so just point me in the direction I need to go and put gold in my pocket and that’s it.”

Lü Meng looked the man over and tried so very hard to keep a straight face, and yet it would not stick. He understood his new comrade’s sentiments perfectly and yet, he could not bring himself to lie to him. “I can’t promise you that. I’m certain you’ll be sent out to fight, but I can’t promise you that Lord Quan or another senior officer won’t order you to do something out of your comfort zone. What if they expect you to help build a trench? Will you disobey?”

“Dig a trench. You don’t build a trench, you dig it. And ain’t that why we got engineers?”

Lü Meng sneered but otherwise carried on as if he wasn’t just insulted or outwitted. “Yes, but if everyone pulls their weight, then it’ll get done faster. Builds camaraderie, trust among your fellow officers whom will depend on you to watch their back, just as much as you’ll depend on them.”

“Pretty weak answer. Answer me this then. What will happen if I decide I don’t want to follow those kind of orders? What would you, or your precious Lord Quan do?”

Lü Meng wasn’t too proud to admit that his argument was weak, but he simply couldn’t think of any way to articulate or get through to him. So, he accepted the critique and moved on to consider the question. Despite his many years of service to Wu, he never even considered what would happen if he disobeyed a direct order from Lord Quan, or even Zhou Yu. It didn’t mean he was truly innocent of the act of disobeying. His actions with Deng Dang was a teenager and his first experience with Lu Su had proved that he was capable of disobeying, but he never saw first hand what became of those that were deliberately act against orders and not be because of being overwhelmed with emotions or the battle. However, he knew for certain that he could not let Gan Ning know that…

“Likely it’ll depend on the offence, and if it becomes a repeated offence or not. I could imagine serious ones would result in public lashing or demotions. Dishonor and shame to you, your family, though I don’t think you care-”

“I’m a former pirate. What good has either done for me?”

“Though so,” Lü Meng said, fighting down the chuckle that threatened to jump out of his throat and continued as though he wasn’t interrupted at all. “If it continues or results in the compromise of an entire operation, you could be terminated from service, or even put to death.”

It was a rather sour note to end it on, but it was for the best. If the thought of death didn’t invoke a sense of fear in a man, then that man was probably already dead. Gan Ning may have played himself off as being something greater and he assumed his reputation warranted that smugness, assuming any of it was true and not a gross exaggeration to throw off his enemies and gain admiration from his comrades. A lot of good his reputation did for him with Huang Zu. That spurred some curiosity of his own now and he carried on, despite the former pirate having yet to acknowledge his previous statement. “Why do you think Huang Zu didn’t give you the respect you feel you were due?”

The belled man shrugged his shoulders, those bells failing to mask his disdain at all. “Because I used to be a pirate. You know those snotty noble types. They look down at everyone and snorts when they realize that unlike them being born to a life of luxury that us normal citizens have to work to get what we need.”

Then he paused and asked almost meekly, something unlike the boisterous and assuming man that snuck into his camp without a second thought. “You ain’t a noble, right?”

Now it was impossible -not- to laugh, and he tried to stiffen it so that Zhu Ran wouldn’t hear him. He wasn’t even sure why he was laughing so hard, either from the shock at his brutal honesty or that anyone would ever mistake him for a nobleman at all, or maybe even out of sheer spite. He tried to calm himself to give him an answer as he was certain he would anger him if he didn’t do so soon. “No, absolutely not. Never had an ounce of it in myself nor in my family tree.”

“Could have fooled me what with those garbs, but just wanted to make sure.” Gan Ning looked surprised but it didn’t last long, thankfully. “Anyways, he didn’t like anyone that didn’t fit his perfect little world and refused to acknowledge my deeds.”

It seemed possible and Lü Meng knew from personal experience about how critical some of the nobles could be, so it wasn’t that far fetched to believe Huang Zu was any different from the ones that looked down upon him because of his peasant upbringing. And yet, he couldn’t help but ponder and those thoughts came out into the open, against his better judgement. “But if you think he dislikes you because of you once being a pirate, then isn’t he acknowledging your deeds? Just the past ones instead of the present ones?”

Gan Ning’s eyes went blank in apparent confusion. He could tell he was considering what he had said and assumed he spoke well, as a smile crept onto his face. “You make a good point there. Apparently, one good deed ain’t enough to redeem a life at sea, even if it did save his sorry ass. Should have let him die.”

Again, something was nagging at Lü Meng’s conscience and yet his brain shirked from it. He didn’t want to get sidetracked and the hours in the day were running out. “I can tell you one thing. If you’re worried about your past occupation preventing you from employment or the promotion you feel you deserve from Wu, then don’t. Former pirates, bandits, even criminals like me were welcomed without a fuss. I can’t see how you’d be treated any different.”

There was a startled look on the former pirate’s face, a refreshing sight, and he was blunt, as was his or anyone’s right to be when one expressed how forgiving the Sun family was when dealing with reformed criminals. Or he assumed that was what caused it, until he spoke up. “What, you were a criminal too?”

“Was, yes. I was a fugitive once for killing another soldier, and the former lord, Sun Ce, not only offered me amnesty for the crime but employed me as one of his personal guards.” It had been years since he had discussed in such detail what lead to his employment in Wu, and it was strangely comforting feeling, or it was until Gan Ning started laughing. Had he said something funny and not realized it, or was he mocking him? “What’s so funny?”

“Sorry, you just don’t look like the type to be committing crimes of any kind, that’s all.” Gan Ning managed to stifle some of it but it left a lasting impact as his voice remained light and downright chipper. While Lü Meng pondered how he was ‘suppose’ to look in Gan Ning’s eyes, the former pirate carried on, either not noticing how his words affected the Wu officer or choosing not to acknowledge it, both equally frustrating to Lü Meng. “But, yeah, I heard from more than one mouth on how open the Sun family was, and hearing it from you must mean something. You’re too honest to really lie or exaggerate, and you were nice enough to throw money at me when you could and probably should have killed me, so count me in.”

Was that meant to be a compliment? An insult masked as a compliment? He felt as if he should have been insulted despite the praise that Gan Ning gave him, and yet did it matter when he was offered a commitment to go along with the possible insult? It seemed too easy, but he would not argue the results, so long as he meant every word of it. Whatever anger he held was sated for now and he did nothing to hide the mirth in his gruff voice nor the sense of pride he felt swelling in him right now. “Then welcome to Wu, Gan Ning. I have no doubt in my mind that Lord Quan will do the same when you present yourself to him tomorrow.”

Something nagged him to push harder. He should have explained more of what would be expected of him while employed there. Something within him gnawed at him, but he ignored it, determined not to lose this opportunity because of a baseless hunch. Even then, Gan Ning wouldn’t give him the chance to explain further as the former pirate gave a triumphant crow. “You’re that confident in him? That’s refreshing to see- now how about we seal the deal with that wine over there and some food? I’ll provide you with the meat. You can even invite your wife.” Lü Meng’s scowl made him reconsider his offer in a heartbeat. “Think of it as a ‘sorry I startled you’ gift?”

Even then, Lü Meng was hesitant, but it didn’t take him long to relent. “Very well, as an apology. And not that wine. I’m saving it for when my child is born. However, I can get more once it’s official with our lord, if you think you can handle the wait.”

“Deal! Now do me a favor and tell that little spiky-haired brat to find a different target,” Gan Ning said, pointing to the north end of the tent though Lü Meng managed to keep his gaze set forward on the former pirate. There was no anger in Gan Ning’s voice nor was his present on his face, at least. It’d be a disaster if he lost their new ally on the account of being overly cautious. “If he wants to put that to good use, he can join me in the hunt.”

He could not and would not speak on Zhu Ran’s behalf, so he rose to his feet and waved a balled fist in the air, indicating for his comrade to hold his fire once more. There was no outward sign that that he got the signal outside of the fact that Gan Ning had not yet suffered death by an arrow, so Lü Meng took that as a chance to go see to the young officer. “I’ll see if he’s interested. Remain here until I return.”

“Go on.”

He suspected that Gan Ning might help himself to a taste of his wine while he was gone, but what could he do besides carry it out with him and look the part of the fool? No, he just had to trust that he’d mind his request, or that he’d at least be wise to cover his tracks well enough to mask any suspicions. Sure, he could always ask for another jug, but it would not have looked good on him to approach his lord on replacing a gift he just gave him. So, for better or for worse, he left it with the former pirate and simply hoped for the best, and by the time he reached Zhu Ran, he was eager to forget about the wine as he was immediately bombarded with questions. Which now made him curious how much Zhu Ran had overheard.

“You’re sure this is a good idea? Just letting him join us like that? What if Lord Quan doesn’t approve?”

Where to even start? Had it been his men he was addressing, he might have been far more stern, but with Zhu Ran, it was easy to drop a lot of the gruff captain act and just speak his mind, though he feared that may not have been as helpful to the situation as he once hoped it might be. “He seems honest enough. Maybe too honest. Remember, he came to us, not the other way around, so that has to mean something.”

“I guess so. Just seems weird that you’re willing to forgive him for the whole scare on Lady Meng. That’s your wife!”

To which Lü Meng shrugged and spoke frankly. “He wasn’t expecting her to be there. How often does an officer bring their wife to the battlefield, or a woman be present at all?”

Zhu Ran had an immediate answer, but it wasn’t offered smugly. Merely matter-of-factly. “Well, there’s Lady Sun and Lady Lianshi. But besides them, not a whole lot.”

“Besides, Ren’s fine. She had everything under control. I’d like to think she only screamed so loud to make sure we’d come running.” It was hard to say that without grinning at her ingenuity. He did not longer on the thought for too long, though, and his gaze lingered on his tent and the shadow of his guest. “Lord Ce believed everyone deserves a second chance, and even if he came to us out of spite or Huang Zu or because he thought he’d get more chances to fight with us, he came to us, and we’d be wrong to turn away help.”

He could not see Zhu Ran’s expression, and it was for the best as he’d likely wonder what he had done wrong to warrant such a confused look. As it was, he continued, feeling a sense of clarity sweep over him and adding a layer of steel to his words. “If the Sun family can open their doors to someone like me and the others who were once dirty with crimes, then why not Gan Ning? What has he done that makes him worse than any of us?”

“You… really don’t know, do you?”

Now Lü Meng had no choice but to look at Zhu Ran, as the horror that haunted his voice refused to let him play ignorant any longer. There was something in those eyes and his own confused expression spoke for him as Zhu Ran wasted no time in breaking the news to him. 

“He’s the one that killed Ling Cao!”


	16. Out of One Frying Pan...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zuo Ci shows sympathy, and Zhou Yu and Lü Meng finally settle a score...

Searing pain shot through Lü Meng’s skull and no amount of control or discipline could stop the Chief-Commander from grasping his head. He hoped that he had cut off his near strangled cry before it could alert the mystic but of course that hope was dashed. He may have been whispering, but he might as well have been in his ear screaming at this point as his voice slammed against the bony confines of his skull and only added to his misery. “You are not well. Perhaps you should lie down for awhile?”

“Sp-spare me your false sympathy.” Lü Meng growled between grit teeth, not truly meaning to sound so feral and yet the pain would not allow for any attempt to be civilized for now. He forced his eyes open and immediately shut them when the white on Zuo Ci’s garb only intensified the pain, so he addressed him blindly, his anger present even in such a vulnerable state. “You’re the one causing this- what do you care for my discomfort?”

“Yes, I wish you to be uncomfortable but not suffering as you are. This pain you feel is all your doing.”

Lü Meng sneered, lowering his own voice to alleviate that pain, though not hiding the rage that fueled it in the least. “What? Explain.”

He expected the mystic to withdraw from the topic and leave him to wallow in his agony, and he was steeling himself for it. But there was silence and a calm, and his voice took an almost caring tone, one that Lü Meng was simply too pained to brush off the almost paternal nature of it. “I shall in a moment. Move your hand to cover your nose and mouth and take slow breaths. Count to ten and release.”

He should have questioned the point of this and refused on principle, but it simply hurt too much and he found himself taking the advice. The act of counting to ten was therapeutic in his own way and longed for the good memories to chase away the pain that grew less and less with each breath he took. By the time he reached ten, it had dulled to an ache and he lowered his hand, daring to open his eyes again to glare at the mystic, waiting for that explanation he was entitled to. “You are suffering from migraines and you will keep getting them each time you pull yourself out of a memory. While in this realm, you must allow me to be the one to withdraw.”

The pain may have subsided but not his anger. If did not mean to sound ungrateful for the aid he just gave him, but he would not forget why he was here to begin with. He did manage to pick out the positive in the situation and found himself smiling, even if out of spite. “So, I have some measure of control in this?”

“Yes. I simply would not recommend you exerting that control again. Not unless you enjoy pain, in which I am beginning to suspect that you are used to it.”

“I’m a general of war. Pain comes often and in many forms, if you’re not careful… or downright lucky,” Lü Meng said, not bothering to deny it. He had his suspicions that he knew he had some kind of control over this situation, but the cost seemed far greater than what he was willing to pay. Not that he was certain how he managed to pull away from the memories whether it be conscious or not, but it helped his confidence if only for the moment. “The fact I’m not entirely helpless soothes me. Good to know.”

“There are few things that leave a man completely helpless, one of which is his own self and what he deems to be his destiny. When he feels it to be the only path to take, he then entraps himself.”

“So wise. But you are getting ahead again and your efforts are in vain. Now, please, unless you’ve seen enough to make your conclusion, let’s carry on. Where were we- oh, yes, discovering that I just welcomed the man who killed Ling Cao with open arms.”

He was waiting for the mystic to pull him back into the memory, but nothing changed. The realm around him held its form and they remained tethered to their respected spots. He looked at Zuo Ci but he had not moved a muscle. After a few moments of nerve scratching silence, Zuo Ci finally spoke and the world remained the same, sparring the Chief-Commander for the time being though knowing he could be thrust into that abyss at any moment left him apprehensive. “A man you promised you would help find so that you could help his son avenge his father’s death. A precarious and awkward situation, I’m sure.”

“A gross understatement if there ever was one,” said the Chief-Commander, sparing not an ounce of spite though none of it was directed at Zuo Ci. No, all of it was for himself, and he took advantage of the lull in memories to explain himself. “I didn’t want to believe Zhu Ran, but I had no reason not to. When I saw the arrows he carried, though… it was the only proof I needed.”

He could remembering dismissing Zhu Ran but not at all remembering exactly what he had said to him. After that, a lot of the evening was a blur and only glaring details rung through. Discovering the pink tipped feathers that decorated the end of his bow and his wild story about how he managed to pluck them off the geese after getting them thoroughly drunk. The story was humorous but Lü Meng couldn’t laugh or smile for more than a second, as he couldn’t look at those feathers without thinking of Ling Tong’s anguish. 

He remembered how he boasted about his skills and the various weapons he proclaimed to be proficient at and when he offered to demonstrate, he declined, because he knew exactly how good he was with that bow. 

He remembered the thoughts that flooded his mind, much of them guilt-ridden and one or two almost murderous. 

He remembered looking over Gan Ning’s sleeping form and thinking how easily it might have been to drive his own dagger through his chest…

“Why didn’t you, if I may ask?”

He looked at Zuo Ci but he wasn’t truly seeing him. No, he saw only a resting pirate, sprawled out on the floor of his tent, drunk beyond possessing any cognitive sense as he had relented and allowed him the wine he had been craving since he allowed him in his personal tent. He didn’t relent out of expert persuasion skills from the former pirate but as a suggestion from Ren to calm his nerves and leave Gan Ning at his mercy should he needed him to be incapacitated. It was a good idea and it was almost pitifully easy to goad him into drinking himself into a stupor. Nothing short of the world exploding around him would wake Gan Ning, though the initial stab of the dagger’s blade piercing his heart might have given him one brief moment of consciousness, where his last image would be Lü Meng’s face twisted with rage, only a fraction of how fierce Ling Tong’s would have been, and the last words ever uttered to him would be the reason for his death. “For Ling Cao.”

But he never acted on that impulse. Without a word, he returned the dagger to its place and retreated from his tent, without ever once waking Gan Ning from his slumber.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t commit to it and the shame he felt was overwhelming, consuming his desire for rest in a heartbeat. He sat a good distance from his tent and waited for dawn so that he could present Gan Ning before his lord and then be done with him.

“Do you understand why I chose not to tell you?”

And to add salt to his wounds, Zhou Yu’s voice filled the silence of the night air, a welcome reprieve from his own empty thoughts despite the resentment that usually accompanied whenever the strategist was present. He rose to give him his proper greeting, but Zhou Yu was quick to stop him. “I’m coming to you as a friend, so there’s no need for formalities tonight.”

How distress was Lü Meng that he didn’t even feel like scoffing at the statement. When were they ever friends? He returned to his seat and reclaimed his stance, never once saying a word to Zhou Yu and allowing him to speak instead, as anything he’d say would only sour the serenity of the night. “Zhu Ran told me of his arrival and how you managed the situation. Very admirable, Lü Meng. You’ve done well and I’m certain our lord will appreciate your efforts tonight. You’ve procured a valuable ally for Wu.”

Silence resonated from Lü Meng and he fought the urge to look away when Zhou Yu gave him the slightest nudge. “Talk to me, Lü Meng. It’s not healthy for those thoughts to remain locked away to fester.”

“You’re not Deng Dang, so don’t ask me to talk.”

It was a mistake. He knew it. From the moment it came out of his mouth, he knew it. He talked back to a senior officer, even if under the pretense that he had come as a friend. Zhou Yu could use that against him and yet, he found that despite the initial shock… he didn’t care. Once that initial fear passed he found it easy to give into that familiar resentment and he looked away but not out of fear of retaliation but to make it clear that he would not be dealing with Zhou Yu’s antics for much longer. Until this became a formal meeting, he’d have nothing else to say to him.

But no, Zhou Yu would not take the hint at all. There was no shock or anger to be found in that voice and it only made Lü Meng angrier! “No, I’m not, I’m afraid. However, I would feel better if you spoke your mind, Lü Meng. I know it’s not as empty as you and others claim it to be. It’d be a discredit to yourself if you carried on that act, not to mention a discredit to Wu. We could benefit from your insight.”

“What’s there to say?” It wasn’t immediate, but eventually Lü Meng snapped, his tone surprisingly low but still harsh. Not that he’d think Gan Ning could be woken up by anything, so why were they speaking softly for? Lü Meng didn’t know, nor did he care. “I allowed the one that killed Ling Cao into the ranks without even once thinking to check who he actually was. I was foolish and did something stupid, as you will be quick to remind me and everyone else, and now if Lord Quan lets him in, Ling Tong will be forced to work with his father’s killer. And best of all it’d be my fault. Are you satisfied?”

Again he made a mistake. It was the only thing going for him tonight it seemed and he couldn’t even manage a smile at it. He held no regrets for snapping at Zhou Yu. Not even an ounce of it. Zhou Yu had asked him to speak his mind and speak his mind he did. Nothing was said for awhile and Lü Meng could not even bring himself to care about how Zhou Yu’s beautiful face would contort with rage at his gall. Let it. One time, he’d give anything to see such a slighted expression but what good did it do him now? For now, the silence that lingered between them was welcomed and he waited for the hammer to drop.

“No, I’m not satisfied, because you are still holding back, but I’ll let it pass for now. But thank you for talking. I had hoped it would have helped you but it seems I miscalculated how you’d respond.”

So many words! So many useless words! He suspected that Zhou Yu’s act of calm and his tendency to ramble on was his own way of lashing out for his harsh words, because it was certainly doing a great job in getting under his skin. His head hurt from how his teeth ground against each other and he rose to leave, but Zhou Yu was quick to grab him. It would have been for the best to never let the strategist know just how close he came to feeling the strength that Lü Meng possessed as he just barely stopped himself from striking against him. “Please, Lü Meng, don’t make me beg or order you to talk.”

“Then don’t. I don’t want to talk.”

“Yes, I am becoming abundantly aware of that!” Finally, something other than false calm and sympathy from the strategist! It would have been a relief to hear but he was beyond caring right now. He wanted nothing more to do with this and yet Zhou Yu clung on and his plea was fueled by desperation as he addressed him. “Lü Meng, I have no idea where this complete resentment you feel for me came from and if I have ever wronged you in the past, then I will apologize for it now. Please, you need to calm down and talk to me, or someone, if you truly hate me so much. I do not wish for this to fester and ruin you.”

Lü Meng was content to just leave with their relationship the way it was, as he could not think he could bring himself to despise him any more than he did at this very moment. Leave it to Zhou Yu to find a way to dig it deeper, all the while pretending to be an ally or a friend, as if he was the one wronged the whole time. Did he not know? Did he truly not know?

“Lü Meng, answer me, and speak the truth. Do you hate me?”

It was not an order and Lü Meng could have reminded him of this. But he knew that if he did, then Zhou Yu could have easily turned it into one and thus any amnesty that one would have would be gone. So, he held his tongue, trying to think if he did hate Zhou Yu or not. Even if he didn’t, what reason would he have to believe him? And who was to say he would not punish him once they returned to formalities? He didn’t know the answer to that but he chose not to be afraid of it, as he gave his answer in a listless spat. “I don’t hate you, Lord Zhou Yu. But it is hard for me to feel comfortable around you when I know you hate me.”

It was the truth and he would not take it back. Even if Zhou Yu threatened him with a public lashing for spreading ‘lies’, he would never forget the man’s harsh words in the stable that night. And it would seem that Zhou Yu didn’t forget either, as the look of clarity lit his face. “So, you were in the stables that night. I had my suspicions but I didn’t think to investigate. Is that what you base your opinion of me on, Lü Meng? Words I said out of a jealous fit from years ago?”

When Zhou Yu said it that way, it sounded like he thought it to be such a trivial thing, and Lü Meng wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Angry and ashamed were the forerunners and he didn’t hold back either one. “It may seem silly to you, but how do you think it made me feel? It know that you despised me and would keep doing so for something I couldn’t change or control?”

“You’re right. I was weary of you for selfish reasons, but you should have come to me to address them instead of harboring such feelings for so long. That’s hardly fair on both of us, don’t you think?”

And Lü Meng countered with a question of his own, his boiling anger and Zhou Yu’s leniency making him grow bold, and recklessly so. “And what about you? Why didn’t you approach me about your feelings and try to set things straight? You didn’t want me anywhere near Lord Sun Ce and were happy to be rid of me, so what did you care about how I may have felt?”

Deep brown eyes grew wide and if Lü Meng looked closer he’d see the betrayal in them and just how deep it was. He caught a glimpse before looking away, and when he pulled his arm from Zhou Yu he found it free once more as the strategist offered no more resistance. Now that he was free, he sought to take full advantage of it and put distance between them, but Zhou Yu’s voice recovered from the blow faster than his body could and the order didn’t so much as stop him in his tracks as did the pain that laced his words. “Lü Meng, stop. That’s an order!”

And stopped he did, digging his heels in the ground and turning to face Zhou Yu even though it was never part of the order. He simply assumed it was. He had to hand it to Zhou Yu for maintaining his calm despite how the pain glistened in his eyes as he came to stand before him. The moment he was standing directly before Lü Meng, though, that facade faltered and Lü Meng was unprepared for the tears that erupted from those eyes as well as the hug that followed.

It was awkward and heart wrenching to endure hearing the man’s cries, and he felt so clumsy when it came to comforting others. No, it was never a question of if he should comfort Zhou Yu- as strained as their relationship had been, with or without Zhou Yu’s knowledge, he could not deny how broken the poor man sounded and he found himself wanting to console him. It was just a matter of how he could he think to comfort him when he wasn’t sure what caused such an emotional outburst. He knew he was harsh and downright cruel in how he lashed out, but he knew it was something deeper than that. Something he had done or said triggered it and thus it would be up to him to fix it, it seemed.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he pressed a hand to Zhou Yu’s shoulder and that brief moment of physical contact was enough to snap him out of his sobbing fit, though not enough to stop the tears entirely. Lü Meng was grateful for this, as he wasn’t sure what he could have possibly said or done that wouldn’t have made the situation worse. “I’m sorry. It seems… I’m still not quite over his passing. I thought I’d be able to keep my emotions in check, but…”

It was hard to hold any anger towards the strategist now, and of all of the things he had already said against him, he found himself apologizing for one thing, one he had never realized he brought up until now. “No, don’t. I brought him up and I had no business too. You both were close.”

He suspected far closer than mere friends and even more than sworn brothers. Was it not one of the reasons why Zhou Yu was weary of them, because he felt Sun Ce was being too kind to him and taking attention away from him? He had his suspicions but kept them to himself, and for good reason as he already made things awkward enough between the two of them. A few moments passed before Zhou Yu drew away from him, his brown eyes marred on a red canvas and driving Lü Meng’s guilt even deeper. Guilt that he had no business feeling. Damn Zhou Yu.

“What a shameful display. I’m… sorry you had to see that, Lü Meng.”

Lü Meng shrugged and welcomed the added distance between them once more. “It’s no bother, my lord. We all have our moments. You’re no different than I am in those regards.”

After all, was it not Zhou Yu among the present when he got news of Deng Dang’s death? It was only fair, he thought, and his words seemed enough to calm Zhou Yu down once more. His smile was out of place given the tension that lingered in the air but Lü Meng would gladly take that over seeing him so distraught ever again. “Yes, but you seem capable of handling your grief better than I. Admirable, if not concerning… but I’m sorry that you had to hear me speak ill of you, and I offer no excuse beyond the truth, which was that I was jealous and needlessly so. I’m sorry I ever allowed that to sour the both of us for far too long. I had no reason or right to say such things about you behind your back as I did. Could you ever forgive me, Lü Meng?”

Lü Meng was too tired from having to deal with the events of this day. The scare on his pregnant wife, Gan Ning’s antics tied with the truth of his identity, and now this. He was ready for the night to end, and in truth, his ordeal with Zhou Yu was just another phantom he found himself growing tired of. He held so much bitterness and resentment for the man for so long, and what for? Because he didn’t like him at one time? And for such a petty reason. Would holding onto that make him just as petty? Could he just let it go? There was only one way to find out. He let out a sigh and hoped to expel such thoughts with it, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little bit better from it. “I forgive you, Lord Zhou Yu.”

A wave of relief swept over Zhou Yu’s form and he found himself wanting to smile with him. Only now did Zhou Yu wipe away his tears and his chuckle was lighthearted, as if he was trying to disperse the rest of the tension around them. Some left, but there was still the matter of Gan Ning to deal with, and the strategist looked back towards the tent where their current dilemma could be heard snoring. “That’s at least one monkey off our backs.”

“Monkey, my lord?”

“A figure of speech. I’ve wasted enough of your time with my selfishness as it is. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who it was. I feared you would have blamed yourself for letting him go all those years ago and think yourself responsible for Ling Cao’s death. I thought that by not telling you, it might have negated that.”

Lü Meng could understand that mindset, but it was horribly flawed and he could not help but point this out. “I’d find out eventually.”

“Yes, you would have, but finding out like this as opposed to meeting him as an enemy… it was not my intention or even in my realm of thought that Gan Ning would be the one to come to us.” 

Lü Meng imagined him being caught unawares was not a good feeling for the strategist and he couldn’t fault him for how uncomfortable he looked. The whole damn thing made his own skin crawl. He cast his gaze downwards out of habit and he all but mumbled his words. “I’m sorry, my lord. I told him that our lord would take him in without once even considering whatever consequences there might be.”

“You’re not wrong, though,” Zhou Yu said, offering him a pat on the shoulder that was far more comforting than it should have been. There was an understanding in his eyes that, in his guilt-ridden state, Lü Meng found himself desperately looking for. “Our lord will definitely approve of his inclusion in our ranks, so you did right in those regards. I’m simply worried about Ling Tong, and I know you are too. Can you imagine working along side your father’s killer, even if the act was done on the opposing side?”

In truth, Lü Meng couldn’t. He suspected that their army recruited bandits and those that once lived and raided among the Shanyue, but he never knew the one responsible for his father’s death. He was too young, and that man could have already been dead. Those that had turned away from the Shanyue were not the men that Lü Meng had personally fought and he bore them no ill will. No, he couldn’t even pretend to imagine how Ling Tong would feel, and he was honest, as well as blunt with Zhou Yu about it. “No one really does, I think. It’s too soon, too personal. And Ling Tong may try to kill him if he sees him.”

And he could not blame him. His heart wanted to weep for Ling Tong and it might have if he hadn’t already have his fill of drama this evening. Zhou Yu gave a nod, drawing in a long sigh and his mind getting straight to work on how to remedy the situation, if there could be one. The easiest solution in Lü Meng’s mind would have been to let Ling Tong have his revenge, but he knew it wouldn’t be so simple. Gan Ning offered not just insight on their enemy but would bolster their ranks, and he couldn’t imagine Lord Quan allowing for such an asset to be lost so early. “I’m aware of this. The best thing to do is to keep them separated for as long as possible.”

It seemed simple, but Lü Meng knew there was no way to guarantee that they would not encounter one another on happenstance. He didn’t bother asking if Ling Tong knew who his father’s killer was. Zhu Ran knew, and there’d be no doubt that Ling Tong was told. Meaning he was the only one that probably didn’t know, but he held no lasting anger towards it now. It wasn’t his intention to cast Zhou Yu such a doubtful look but the man didn’t blame him for it in the least. “Easier said than done, I know. Will be bring Gan Ning to Lord Sun Quan under disguise and once he proclaims it official, Ling Tong will not have the chance to retaliate, not without fear of invoking martial law.”

It seemed sound enough for Lü Meng though it was more or less saving the bulk of the problem for later. Not a cure-all solution, but could there really be one that did not result in either man’s death? Ling Tong would work and live alongside his father’s killer, Gan Ning would likely agitate the situation given his tendency to boast, and Lü Meng had a feeling in his gut that keeping the two either separated or working together would fall onto his shoulders. As the man that allowed Gan Ning to escape and lead to Ling Cao’s death. was it not destined to be his burden now? He accept this in silence and offered his insight, since it seemed that Zhou Yu had come to him for it. He wasn’t sure of its value, but that wasn’t for him to decide. “He will need a reminder, but I will see to that. It’s the least I can do to uphold my promise to Ling Cao.”

A thought hit him and he could not fight the frown that now weighed on his already bogged face. “I fear that Ling Tong will not think of me in such a good light anymore after this.”

“If you are there to prevent him from exacting the revenge he believes he is entitled to, then perhaps so.” Despite his words, Zhou Yu wore a kind smile. It did nothing for Lü Meng at all. “However, perhaps in time he’ll come to understand. When the pain of his loss is not so fresh, and I’m sure he will come to appreciate your effort. Please, I wouldn’t worry too much over it. For now, simply do your best and try not to think of the things out of your control.”

Lü Meng did not care much for that answer, but he held nothing against Zhou Yu for it. He did not like not being able to control things and yet there was always things that existed to remain out of his control. It was maddening! He couldn’t trust himself to say anything and Zhou Yu accepted his silence with grace at least, as he did not pry any deeper into the matter. “One thing at a time, Lü Meng. For now, try to get some rest, though I can imagine it won’t come easier this night for either one of us.”

“I’ll find a way. Please, don’t bother yourself anymore tonight, Lord Zhou Yu.” Lü Meng silently dismissed the idea of sleep and kept the bitter thoughts to himself. He bowed to the strategist but was cut off midway when Zhou Yu pressed a hand to his chest. He muttered, “My lord?”

“It’s no bother. You rest before you present yourself and our guest, and that’s an order.”

“Yes, as you wish, my lord. Sleep well.”

It was an order he knew he would be disobeying and he had a sneaking suspicion that Zhou Yu knew it too. He also knew he could not enforce it and thus he let it be, giving a respectful bow of his own before taking his leave. The burden that Lü Meng carried with him back to his tent was lightened by the reconciliation between himself and the strategist, but what was lifted off of his conscious was only replaced with something even heavier and far more potent. 

“Ancestors, send me patience…”


	17. Rocky Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng presents Gan Ning before Lord Quan and things get nuts...

The ancestors were needlessly cruel to Lü Meng, but he had learned a valuable lesson that day. The life of a pirate must have been filled with excitement as despite his drunken stupor, he had been immediately on his feet and ready to run Lü Meng through when the captain woke him the next morning. Lü Meng’s life was never in any danger, though, as his own reflexes spared him and all it had took with a little effort to knock the sword out of his hands and push the former pirate back onto the bedding. It actually took more effort to not give the man a kick when he accused him of being overbearing and abusive. Had Ren not entered the tent, he was certain that Gan Ning would be sporting a few boot marks on his person.

Despite the stand off at the beginning of the day, thought, Gan Ning was in a pleasant mood, as the wine he was treated to and the promise of his new employment doing wonders in keeping him in high spirits. Even Lü Meng, sleep deprived and ever watchful for Ling Tong, could not help but feel his excitement spread over to him. He tried to resist it and remain firm and sturdy, the straight man that his lord would look to for strength and guidance on dealing with their newest recruit, but every so often he had to turn his head away to hide his tired grin. 

Few were awake when Lü Meng and Gan Ning set out, but Lü Meng would not take any chances. He gave Gan Ning a sheet to place over his form and the moment they reached the boats, he ordered the man to lay down. It earned him a strange look from not just Gan Ning but from the soldier that would ferry them to their lord’s vessel, and he did not offer an explanation until halfway through their journey. 

“So, what’s with the need for secrecy, Ossan?”

Lü Meng thought little of the word he tacked on at the end there and he looked down at the former pirate. He laid on the floor of the boat, draped in the sheets and looking the better off of the two as he was fully shielded against the morning chill. The gentle rocking of the boat threatened to lull Lü Meng to sleep, so he chose to talk to his charge to chase away the cobwebs that began to close in on him. “There might be some among our forces that aren’t prepared to see you among the ranks.”

“Expected, I guess. Was there enemy yesterday.” Gan Ning lounged with a stretch, letting out a lazy yawn and humored with the circumstance rather than bothered. “Ain’t there a saying. Yesterday’s enemies are today’s allies? I can get that you’re a little skittish around me.”

“Skittish? Maybe. More like bloodthirsty. You did kill one of our respected generals.” The words flew from his mouth entirely too quick to stop them and he strained to keep his eyes cast away from Gan Ning’s imploring look. He let too much bitterness seep out into his voice and it was too late to take it back now, and nor would he. Dealing with Lü Meng would be the easiest thing now that he’d be joining their forces, he figured. “He was a well loved general and his son witnessed his death. I’d recommend you not brag about it while before our lord, or in front of our troops. Actually, it might be best for you not mention it at all, at least for awhile. Or ever.”

He willed himself not to look at the former pirate even when it left him at a clear disadvantage. He wasn’t prepared to talk about Ling Cao’s death or how Ling Tong would handle seeing Gan Ning among the ranks, and he was definitely not prepared for the downright callous sounding chuckle that left Gan Ning’s lips. “Not talkin’ about it won’t suddenly make it not have happened, you know. Maybe if his dad had been watching his surroundings, he wouldn’t have been plucked out so easily. Ain’t my fault he wasn’t payin’ attention and got himself ki-ack!”

The only warning Gan Ning got was the sudden rock of the boat and he found a foot to his chest, cutting off whatever else he was going to say from the pressure behind that leg. Lü Meng found little solace in seeing the former pirate’s eyes light up with what he hoped to be legitimate fear, as it was short lived for his taste. “No, it won’t, but boasting about it won’t do you any favors! His son wants to kill you and if you are talk about his father like that in front of him, or -any- of it gets to him, I will personally rip out your wind pipe and beat you with it! Do you understand?”

“I understand, I understand!” Gan Ning, for all his big talk and tough-as-nails chatter, gave in all too quickly for Lü Meng’s tastes, but it showed promise that he was smart enough to know when to back off. He rose his hands and held his palms upwards, neither moving to remove the foot from his chest or seeking to throw Lü Meng off the boat, which he suspected he was more than capable of doing. Content, Lü Meng relieved the grip and freed him once more, returning to his seat and looking at the bank to hide his smile. Nothing was said between the two for awhile and Lü Meng, though his nerves on end once more, found comfort in that, even if it was destined to be ruined. “He really wants me dead, huh?”

“What do you think?”

He could not stop his own resentment from souring his words, and he couldn’t fault Gan Ning for picking up on that as he did. “Well, it’s his right to hate me. Wouldn’t blame him, but he can’t best me. Now what about you? What was that guy to you that got you so crazy angry?”

It was a good question, but one that Lü Meng wasn’t comfortable with talking about now, or possibly ever. He knew exactly what it was, but he didn’t feel that Gan Ning had earned it yet. Maybe in a few years, when the sting of Ling Cao’s death faded away, like that of Chin, or Fa Shi, Deng Dang and Sun Ce’s. Maybe once he forgot this feeling of inevitable betrayal that lingered in his chest, to be presenting Ling Cao’s killer before Lord Quan for hire instead of for execution. He could have done that, or bring him to Ling Tong instead, but the thought didn’t last for more than a second before it was pushed to the far recess of his mind. He couldn’t do such a thing, nor would he. Gan Ning deserved a second chance. Everyone did. Eventually, he gave him an answer, one that he wasn’t certain would satisfy either of them but would simply have to do for now. “Someone I respected a lot.”

“He asked you to keep his kid safe, huh?” Gan Ning’s voice was surprisingly soft, so soft that Lü Meng wasn’t sure he had even heard it at all or was simply imagining it. He looked down at the former pirate and his confused expression spoke volumes, willing Gan Ning to explain himself without having to utter a word. “I figured since you dove into hell and back to grab the kid and go, you guys must have been close and he made you promise to keep an eye on him. Did he?”

He did, and there was no use in denying it to Gan Ning. He gave him a silent bow and hoped it’d be enough to appease his curiosity. It was all still too new and fresh for him, and the less he thought of Ling Tong’s situation and how he’d make it worse, the easier he could breathe. He wished the rest of the trip could be done in silence, but he knew the damned former pirate wouldn’t allow it. “Sorry.”

He wasn’t expecting an apology, but he was in no condition to turn one away. “Don’t, not to me. It wasn’t my father you-”

“No, not for that,” Gan Ning said with a sneer, laying completely down once more to avoid that scowl. His grin would have made it grow in intensity and he’d find that foot on his throat or face if he wasn’t careful. “I ain’t never sorry for doing what I was ordered to do or who I kill on the battlefield. I’m sorry that you’re going to have to choose between the two of us. Didn’t think it’d be your problem.”

Oh yes, Lü Meng’s scowl deepened, but it wasn’t because of his grin or even his lack of remorse. He half expected that much and could sympathize in a way. In war, it was kill or be killed, and it was hard to condemn Gan Ning for his actions when he’d do the same for his own lord or comrade. No, it was the notion that he would have to make a choice, to keep one or the other as though he could not have both. Was there wisdom in that idea? He felt compelled to fight it, to defy it, and he would. “I won’t choose. I’ll find a way to make it work out for everyone, you’ll see. Now shut up. We’re getting close to our lord’s vessel.”

He heard Gan Ning mutter something but he didn’t catch it. He had his fill of the former pirate’s shenanigans for one day, and he knew damn well that the day had only just begun. He didn’t need their cover blow because of whatever insult the belled man fling at him. ‘Once I get this over with, Lord Quan will assign him to his own unit and he’ll be out of my hair. I simply need to endure his antics until then.’

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lü Meng knew that look that Zuo Ci flashed him all too well and he could not stop the strained chuckle that passed through his lips as he shook his head. “Yes, I know… I was a fool to think that he wouldn’t latch onto me from the moment I let him in.”

“It is like feeding a stray dog in the streets, is it not? Neglected and ignored by so many others, scrounging the deepest streets for a single shred of food and the moment he is shown compassion, he catches it’s scent and seeks it out,” Zuo Ci said, his voice carrying a softness that Lü Meng could not help but find comforting and he latched onto it. Any port in a storm, as they would say. He considered the mystics words in silence and allowed him to carry on uninterrupted. “When you confronted him those years prior, you saw a man desperate to steal an unruly horse and when others might have slayed him, as is their duty when it comes to theft, you spared him.”

“I grew up a peasant. I knew what it was like to go to bed starving.” Lü Meng tried not to think of those days, but they were still there. The memory of seeing his mother ration what little food they had, distributing it into three bowls when there should have been four. Society dictated that the man of the house should receive their share. Law of survival dictated that the weakest should starve, so that the strongest could live and carry on their genes. In the Lü home, though, they alternated who would go without food for the day, and Lü Meng went without food the most, as any time it would fall on Chin’s turn, he would surrender his meal instead, and would not hear it if any objected. It remained this way until Deng Dang had stumbled into their lives, but it was something that remained with him. He could remember the pain and fatigue that threatened to cripple him when he was unfortunate to suffer multiple days in a row from a skipped meal, and how he would look at the chickens in the next field over, how tempted he was to sneak over one night and just grab a single one, wishing that their eggs were not considered more valuable than their meat. He could remember just how desperate he was, but how fearful of getting caught and shaming his family he was to even attempt it. “It’s not something I’d wish on anyone. Even a would-be horse thief.”

“And thus, your compassion would be a gift and a curse. Yes, by sparring Gan Ning, you may have allowed him to survive another day and thus lead to Ling Cao’s death, but I wonder if that would negate any good that could come from his service. Far too early to say if his arrival into your lord’s services was a boon or a hex, was it not?”

To that, Lü Meng shook his head and this surprised Zuo Ci on some level. “No, I was confident his services would be for our benefit. It would just… take a good long while before anyone else would see that.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The meeting had gone far smoother than expected, considering the snap comments from Gan Ning from time to time (which were silence by either a glare from Lü Meng or by his own common sense). It was hard to ignore the pleased look on Lord Quan’s face and not feel himself wanting to beam as well, and how Lü Meng kept it together throughout the proceedings was a mystery was a mystery even to himself. 

There was never a doubt in his mind that Lord Quan would welcome the former pirate into his services, but to see what he suspected to be a glimmer of hope in his eyes pleased Lü Meng immensely. He wasn’t sure how dire the situation truly was and Sun Quan’s joy could have easily been due to just the prospect of having the famed Gan Ning of the Bells as part of his army. But seeing his lord so pleased clouded all other emotions and senses, which made the fact that he had even heard the approaching officer was nothing short of a miracle. “Watch out!”

In a flurry of movements, it was over. After he shouted his warning, he lunged to Sun Quan’s side and pressed his lord down, an action done out of pure instincts rather than the results of a well-thought out plan, and Gan Ning was on his feet, catching the chair he sat on with his foot and kicking it at his oncoming assailant as he reached for his cutlass. There was no question who the assailant was and Lü Meng had to give Ling Tong credit, as not only had he the nerve to attack Gan Ning in their lord’s own tent, but he had managed to deflect the chair with a damn good swing. The wooden stool exploded in a sea of splinters and yet it did not stop or even slow down Ling Tong’s charge in the least. The clashing of weapons were drowned out only by Ling Tong’s rage-filled cry. “Murderer!”

Lü Meng turned his brain off and reacted only to instincts, removing himself from Sun Quan’s side and moving to separate the two in an instant. He had no idea how successful it would be or if he’d only be throwing himself into a heap of trouble, but by the time he managed to press his glaive against their weapons and forcefully break the deadlock, Zhou Tai and the guards from outside had surrounded them. Weapons were pulled from their hands, but it did not deter Ling Tong’s wrath in the least. Though weaponless and surrounded on all sides, he was willing to fling himself at Gan Ning and seeing how both Lü Meng and Zhou Tai struggle against Ling Tong’s thrashing finally snapped the young Sun lord back into reality. He called out to the distressed youth, trying to regain some level of authority over the situation despite its uselessness. “Ling Tong, calm yourself and stand down this instant!”

“No! I will not! Not while my father’s killer lives!” It was a valiant, if not futile effort on his lord’s part, but Ling Tong’s fury could not be tamed, at least not with mere words. Lü Meng held his breath and absorbed the blows that fell down upon him, steeling himself and not wanting to see or even imagine what would happen if he broke out of his hold. He prayed in silence that Gan Ning would just keep his damn mouth shut or that someone, anyone, would come to his assistance, because he could feel his grip beginning to slip! “Please! Allow me to have my revenge! Please!”

Against common sense and Lü Meng’s wishes, Gan Ning was going to say something, but it never made it out of his mouth, as Zhou Yu grabbed his arm and pulled him away, and just in time, as Ling Tong slammed his elbow against Lü Meng’s still recovering temple. The world exploded into an array of lights and fuzzy starbursts, and Lü Meng couldn’t feel the impact of the ground when he went crumbling down in a heap. The room exploded with frantic energy once more but Lü Meng could not keep up with it this time. Ling Tong had freed himself and lunged himself at his foe once more. Lü Meng could tell that Zhou Tai was moving in and he could hear Lord Quan’s desperate shouts to regain order, the jingling of bells and scuffling of feet, and all Lü Meng could do was scrape his hands against the ground in a frail, downright pathetic attempt to lift himself up to stop Ling Tong from condemning himself. He had to protect him. He promised Ling Cao he would protect him. Even from himself.

It was a mixture of his desperate determination and sheer dumb luck that he had grabbed Ling Tong’s ankle before he got out of reach. It kept him in place long enough for Zhou Tai to subdue the distraught youth. It wasn’t much, but it would simply have to be enough for him to blackout in peace. Ling Tong would be safe. Angry and probably hating him for the rest of his days, but he would be safe.

At least until the next time they crossed paths… what a terrible thought to hit him as the darkness began to take him.

~*~*~

It had taken entirely too long for him to recover, and when he did, things had changed. Ling Tong’s well-aimed strike had not only reopened his wound from the earlier assault on the beach, but the impact of the blow itself had rattled his brain and left him drifting in a state between unconsciousness and brief moments of barely there awareness, and his memories between that time on his lord’s vessel and when he was cleared for duty were bareboned, recalled in tidbits and fever dreams. He could recall Ren tending to him, Zhou Yu and his lord visiting him though what they said to him were nothing more than garbled nonsense and not at all worth remembering. There were other visitors but he was ashamed to admit that he could barely remember any of it. He had scourged his memories from time to time to see if perhaps Ling Tong had even came by, but nothing seemed to come up on its own.

What he did hear of Ling Tong quelled his fears for the most part at least, as he was at least willing to listen to reason and had backed off his desire for vengeance, even though Lü Meng suspected it was a temporary measure at most. The fact that he didn’t come to with the news of Gan Ning’s death or Ling Tong’s execution was the most he could ask for right now and he received it. As angry as he was that the youth put him out of commission for a whooping week, he couldn’t have lived with himself if Lord Quan was forced to put Ling Tong to death.

Their assault on Huang Zu had not progressed too far along without him, so he was pleased, if not a little confused as to what held their army back. He was assured it wasn’t due to his injury when he was brought up to speed. They simply needed to wait for the right moment and the right equipment before they closed in on their target. The fact that it happened to coincide with Lü Meng returning to his duties was purely a coincidence, Zhou Yu insisted, as their man were being fitted with what looked to be double reinforced armor. It looked cumbersome, but bear impenetrable, so that none would succumb to the arrows that had already taken the lives of Ling Cao and others in their first assault. 

“How’s anyone expected to move about in this?” Gan Ning let his complaint be heard, sifting the armor with his foot and not at all impressed with it. In Lü Meng’s brief absence, his men had more or less taken in the former pirate as one of their own, with mixed reactions. Some had found it hard to accept his presence, holding grudges or disdain for his rather aggressive attitude, while others seemed annoyed or put off by his endless confidence. Some, however, seemed to be drawn to his antics and drew motivation from his boastful ways, in an endearing kind of way. Lü Meng wasn’t sure where he stood just yet, though he noted he had gone without a single ‘thank you’ for saving his life and what it cost him didn’t do well for his disposition at the moment. Not to mention his whining was giving him a headache. “You can give this to your horse, Ossan. I won’t be needing it.”

Ying was just as sour as ever and Lü Meng had to pull back on the reins to keep him from snapping at this fingers when the former pirate got too close. He was half tempted to let him have his way, but he knew Ying wouldn’t hold back and what good would their efforts in procuring Gan Ning into their services be when he was missing a few digits? Besides, to top it all, he was certain that Gan Ning wouldn’t have learned his lesson in the least, so there was no point in fueling that fantasy.

“Fine.” Lü Meng spoke in a flat manner, his dryness so great it threatened to soak in all the moisture from the river and leave it barren. His men held their tongues and watched from the corner of his eyes as they went about their business, appalled and curious how their captain would deal with Gan Ning’s blatant disobedience, and they were not the only ones. Truthfully, Lü Meng had never dealt with it and thus wasn’t quite sure how he’d handle it himself. He couldn’t ignore the feeling that Gan Ning was just testing him, and he rather hated the idea that anyone would act out simply for the sake of seeing what the other was going to do. He could have overpowered the pirate and force the armor on him, but what would that do besides exhaust themselves before the upcoming battle? Not to mention he’d just throw it off once he turned his back (or, given his nature he’d do it right in front of him.) He cast the unruly officer a stern look and kept on with his dry, suit-yourself demeanor before turning Ying around to check on the rest of his unit, the ones less likely to give him a headache and didn’t make him feel bitter regret every time they opened their mouth. An idea hit him and he slowed Ying’s movements some, just to make sure their newest officer would hear him. “I understand the armor’s too heavy for you to be able to wear. Not everyone is meant to fight on with such a heavy burden, so I understand. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of stories to tell about how you came out of this assault riddled with arrows. I’m looking forward to counting the holes.”

With that being said, he kicked at Ying’s side and allowed the horse to break into a trot before he could see what expression graced Gan Ning’s shape features, as he sure it’d risk breaking the careful neutral act he put on. Had he known he was being monitored, he’d feel mortified, but for now, he was content to just get his unit in action. His gut was warning him of something, and he couldn’t figure out what it was. And he hated that more than Gan Ning’s defiance right now!

~*~*~

“I’m telling you, he’s smarter than he lets on.”

“Perhaps.”

“No, not perhaps. I know he is. And so do you; you’re simply refusing to entertain the idea, though why I truly don’t know.”

“No, I’m simply not convinced. He’s illiterate and that’s only the start of it.”

The rich chuckle that fluttered into the air threatened to give them away and settled back into a softer tone before its own carried on. “Yes, true, but he still manages to fool our lord. Besides, given his upbringing, it is hardly his fault and you’re overly critical to discredit him so quickly.” 

“Not for too much longer, though. Cai Yi sent in an official complaint and he held nothing back.” The second voice, gruffer and deeper in tone, held no malice, though one could tell he was not nearly as thrilled about their potential investment as the other. “I don’t wish to write him off so quickly. He -has- performed above both of our expectations as of late.”

“He’s not perfect. Far from it. And yet, he can only go up from here. There is potential there. It will simply take some coaxing and nurturing, that’s all.”

His colleague could agree to that. They watched as Gan Ning, with what looked to be great reluctance dictating his every move, threw on the armor he previously tossed aside, and they could feel each other smiling. “Alright. He’s good at dealing with adversity, I’ll give you that. He’s a bit coarse and brusque, but he’s honest. And people tend to like that.”

“His brunt approach is something we can work on when the time comes. He’s not completely hopeless and he can be coached, if necessary.”

Despite finding equal footing, there was a wave of skepticism in his companion’s gaze, but he chose not to address it. He countered it with confidence and held onto that hope, carrying on with his assessment as they watched their potential investment from afar. From this distance, they could see only the faintest hint of a smile and that only spurred him on. “It may seem like a risky gamble from where you are standing, but the potential reward would be all the worth it. He may not have had the best upbringing and he may lack the understanding of politics and strategy that you and I possess, but he can be taught. His own personal experiences and his honest, if not abrupt nature, could benefit our lord in ways that you and I couldn’t even pretend to fathom. I’m certain of it.”

He could tell his colleague wasn’t entirely convinced and yet he could hold no anger against him for it. Weeks ago, days ago, he himself wouldn’t have thought much of it himself. But things changed, people changed, and he was positive that he could change Lü Meng to suit his needs. “You’ll see. I shall convince our lord of it, and then I shall convince you. You’ll see.”

“I have no doubt in you. I’m more concerned with how you plan on convincing Lü Meng over there of your grand scheme. He’s not the sharpest weapon on the field and he seems content with that.” The next part was spoken with a wry grin, and they watched as Gan Ning, encumbered with the heavy armor, jumped onto his mount and took off without a loud battle cry, and behind him was a very disgruntled looking Lü Meng. “Assuming he doesn’t get himself killed over him, or Ling Tong. Are you sure sticking him with Gan Ning was a good idea? Seems like it’d be akin to torture.”

“For who? For Gan Ning or Lü Meng?”

“For us. And perhaps more for Lü Meng. Gan Ning’s record isn’t exactly the greatest. He’s going to drive Lü Meng mad and then what good will your grand scheme do?”

His companion wore a sly look, one that only accented his famous, charming features. “And don’t you think that’s why I assigned him for Lü Meng? All of his reports reflect Lü Meng’s strict but respected authority with his men. Of course, those in his unit were men from the same district as him, so perhaps he has had a clear advantage. This will be a truer test of his ability to lead men, as Gan Ning will push him to his limit, as will Ling Tong, I’m sure.”

His colleague gave a nod, accepting his answer with little complaint. “Very well. A test. Let’s just hope it doesn’t end with one dead pirate. It wouldn’t have been the first officer he killed, though at least this one will give him a good reason. Not to mention he’d probably have everyone’s blessing.”

“You are dwelling on something beyond our control, but it’s understandable. Lü Meng has changed, though he still has a long way to go. I will ensure he makes it there, even if I must guide him the entire way myself.”

Whether the other man had faith in Lü Meng or not did not matter so much as it was the conviction in his colleague’s voice that gave him hope, and so he gave in for now. They kicked their horses into a leisure gallop, drifting away from sight without anyone ever once knowing there were there.


	18. Admonished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sun Quan admonishes Lü Meng and Zhou Yu makes his move...

Lü Meng was absolutely besides himself by the time he reached Jianye and he was surprised he even survived the journey at all, given how his heart threatened to push itself out of his chest. From the moment he received the summons, he was on edge and poor Ren was the one to suffer for it. Not that she would ever voice her complaint on the matter, much to his relief. From the moment the messenger arrived to his swift departure, Lady Ren had gone out of her way to help him prepare, getting much done while she carried their now eight-month-old son in her arms (and child number two nestled safely within). How she managed to keep their needy infant and her anxious husband calm was a mystery and one that Lü Meng didn’t think much about throughout his trip to the capital. He did not wish to leave her, but he was confident that she and little Ba would be safe with Yenji and his mother. As for himself, his mind would not wander far from the mystery surrounding the reason for his lord’s summon…

‘Don’t worry yourself into illness,’ his mother, Shilimai, told him, despite knowing it would be a useless endeavor. Even Ying had sensed there was something bothering his owner and Lü Meng had to reign in both his horse and his nerves from time to time. He might not have been able to prevent the wave of nausea that caused his stomach to churn and threatened the rise of bile, but he could prevent himself from suffering a broken neck by keeping his horse calm and not have him buck at the slightest provocation. 

He had met other officers along the way but kept his words short and curt. They would think him rude, but he couldn’t entertain the idea that he could make himself hold out even a few extra minutes from seeing to his lord’s request. He could always apologize later, he told himself.

The wait to see his lord was thankfully short once he was lead into his office chamber. His lord picked up on his anxieties, as the moment he stepped into the room, he was ordered to take a seat before he even had a chance to bow. The bypass of the usual formalities was a quiet relief, but also a telling sign that Lü Meng’s suspicions were justified in the best and worst of ways. 

“You’re not the type to keep anyone waiting. Good. Lü Meng, I wish to discuss your tenure here and go over a few reports with you.” Sun Quan got straight to it, dismissing the guards at the doors and immediately filling the room with his voice and energy once the doors were closed. “First, I would like to thank you for your years of service and your unwavering loyalty. You’ve always performed above what is expected of you and for that, I am impressed and eternally grateful to have you among our ranks.” 

“My lord, it’s my honor to serve you.” And he meant every word of it. There were talks that sprung up shortly after the death of Sun Ce and there were men among Wu that felt at odds with the Little Conqueror’s decision in naming his successor. Lü Meng was never among that crowd, as his loyalty remained for not just the Sun family, but to their kingdom as well. He knew that he should have said more to ensure his lord of just how deep his honor in serving them went, but he knew he couldn’t find the words for it. So he simply spoke what words he did know and hope that it would be enough. “And I hope to continue serving you and your kingdom for the rest of my days, Lord Sun Quan.”

It wasn’t too big but a smile softened his young lord’s features for the briefest of moments, but shifting back into something more akin to what a ruler would wear when addressing his subordinate officer. “And you shall. Your strength and bravery is remarkable, your ability to thrive in difficult situations and stand firm and bounce back is something I admire immensely and wish to see out of all of my men. However, I fear that you are not serving me to the best of your ability, despite what you may claim.”

Now this he wasn’t prepared for, and he did nothing to hide his surprise and his shamed to hear such an accusation. He resisted the urge to ball his fist and parroted his lord’s words back to him, as if trying to will himself to think that maybe he simply misheard his lord. “Not to the best of my… my lord, what have I done that hasn’t been to your liking?”

Even as he asked this question, his nerve-rattled brain was compiling a possible list and at the top of that list was their failed assault against Huang Zu. The reinforced armor had worked like a charm, but perhaps too well. The sight of the approaching Wu army marching through the rain of arrows unharmed disheartened their foes and Huang Zu fled, willingly surrendering his fortress and leaving both Sun Jian and Ling Cao without being avenged. They had benefited on two fronts: obtaining the famed Gan Ning into their services, and though Huang Zu lived, Sun Quan’s efforts to repel the senior general and obtain Xiakou had been enough to validate Lord Quan’s claim as true successor to his brother’s and father’s legacy. But those benefits obviously remained soured in the eyes of their young lord, as Lü Meng scoured the event in his mind, thinking of anything he might have done wrong in that assault that would have earned his lord’s ire. But nothing came to mind…

Sun Quan produced a scroll and handed it to Lü Meng, who looked at it as though it were the Imperial Seal with a venomous snake coiled around it. Despite this he did not hesitate to accept it and Lord Quan’s next order held the same venom as the most dangerous of snakes would even when it had not risen about a professional tone. “Read this to me. Out loud.”

Lü Meng opened the scroll and skimmed over the unfamiliar characters, searing that in the silence that lingered between the two, he could hear the ink on the parchment mocking him. The charade lasted only a second and he was surprised at how strong his voice sounded in his own ears. “No, my lord. I cannot.”

“Cannot? Or will not?”

“Cannot.” He knew he could not even try to fool his lord as he did Zhu Ran those many years ago, so he swallowed his pride and admitted the truth as to not waste either of their time. “My lord, I was never taught how to read and what I have learned is basic, at most.”

He wasn’t sure what to expect from his lord and he hoped his honesty would appease him on some level. He wouldn’t hold his breath, though. Honesty worked with Sun Ce and there was no guarantee that it’d work with his younger brother at all. Sun Quan’s expression was hard to read and his lively green eyes were bright with what he suspected was amusement… or disgust? Reading Sun Quan was much harder than Sun Ce. “I suspected as much. You were born and raised a peasant so the need to learn to read wasn’t a priority. How did you manage your reports and orders all of these years?”

“I paid the messenger to read it aloud and then someone wrote down what I wanted to say. I learned enough to do greetings and certain names.” No smile, no frown. Just a simple nod. Lü Meng felt compelled pressed to fill the silence and allowed his words to fall dead when Sun Quan rose his hand midway through. “I’m sorry if that displeases you, my lord. I was…”

“I understand, Lü Meng. While it surprises me that you managed to hide this for so long, it doesn’t surprised me that you managed to find a workaround for your disability. Had Cai Yi not said anything, I would have never have suspected a thing.”

Disability. The word his lord chose to use cut him entirely too deep, causing the all too familiar resentment to come bubbling out of the wounds left in its wake. It wasn’t directed at Lord Quan, or even this Cai Yi, whoever he was. It was all directed at himself now. He couldn’t trust himself to say anything that would not further damn himself, so he held his tongue. This decision did not settle well with Sun Quan and it was evident in his voice as it had become terse in a matter of seconds. He all but snatched the scroll from Lü Meng’s hands and each word provoked a response, but Lü Meng remained firmly planted in his seat. “Lü Meng, you are a fine warrior, one of our best, or you would be if you weren’t so complacent. Do you even know what that means?”

He answered truthfully. “No.”

“It means you settle for what you have, either good or ill, never striving for more than what is on your plate, never taking a chance to branch out. It means intentionally not giving your all, when you are capable of doing so much more.”

Lü Meng soaked in his lord’s words and knew he was missing something. His explanation seemed simple enough and he knew it to be because his lord thought him to be a complete idiot. What he didn’t understand was why Lord Quan sounded so angry about it. As if being considered complacent was such a terrible thing. The way Sun Quan looked at him beckoned an answer and Lü Meng gave one, though it wasn’t well thought out at all. “I only wish to serve you, my lord. I’m not sure there’s anything else I would really want.”

“That’s a lie. You’re not an aimless man and may be able to fool yourself, but you cannot fool me. I fail to think that you would settle for so little now, coming from a man that snuck aboard his brother’s caravan when so young.”

He had fought the urge to allow any outwards signs of his anger show, but it was a losing battle. His knuckles began to ache and he had to will himself to move his hands before he snapped his own knees from the tightening of his grip. His jaw locked into position and made speaking impossible and he retreated from his lord’s gaze, letting him know just how much his words were affecting him. How much he struggled to keep himself from lashing out. Memories of the last person that made him feel this completely incensed played in his head and he swore, he swore, he would NOT allow himself to react to such a provocation again, no matter how great the need was.

Despite his best efforts, Sun Quan could see how his officer was handling the criticism, and either out of sympathy or fear for his life, he softened his tone considerably. “Lü Meng, the fact that you cannot read doesn’t bother me. You had a different upbringing than myself, and that’s something you cannot help. It is the fact that you have not even tried to learn and educate yourself that offends me.”

Lü Meng bristled. He wasn’t sure if it was possible for a human to do so as he had seen horses do it all of the time, but he certainly felt as though his hair was standing on end. His instincts warned him to remain quiet and simply agree, to proclaim he would do better. But a voice told him to object and speak up, because apparently, his lord felt that he didn’t do that enough. “My lord, with what time? I’m an officer of war and between tending to our defenses, training men and all of the countless tasks I willingly do as my duty, I barely have time to see to my family. I don’t have the time to educate myself!”

He feared he went too far and flinched as Sun Quan pinned him with a frigid gaze in an instant. Whatever else he was going to say died before ever even making it to his lips. He should have just bobbed his head up and down and accepted the criticism, but it was too late to take any of it back now. He had said his peace, and now, he would have to deal with the consequences. 

“Hm. Seems you still remember some of what my brother’s taught you.” It sounded like a compliment, at least the words themselves were. But the tone was still cold, still frigid, and Lü Meng kept on guard, despite his confusion. “But I can sympathize. Our work is time-consuming and gives us little time to tend to our families and to ourselves. Believe me, I understand that more than you’ll ever know.

“But it is no excuse to not make time to improve upon yourself. I am quite busy myself, but I always make time to keep up with my readings. Even Lord Cao Cao is well rounded. It is a part of his success to diversify himself in not just war but education and the arts as well. Every general or any who plan on devoting their lives on the battlefield should have read the Art of War at least once.” Sun Quan suddenly turned to the wooden rack behind his desk, grabbing a thick book from it and bringing it to his officer. Lü Meng looked at the cover, understanding only a single character on it, the one that read ‘Sun’. “You may have it. I want you to read it once you’ve learned how, of course.”

It dawned on him what his lord was giving him and his face visibly paled. It was placed in his hands but his fingers didn’t close around it, as he broke his vow not to speak again. “My lord… I… I can’t accept this.”

He was told once, and only once, that the Sun family that now ruled the southeast part of China were descendants of the same Sun Tzu that wrote the famed Art of War. He wasn’t sure who told him or when he was told this - one could not serve in Wu and not have known this, so he assumed it to be a fact of life. Knowing this, he could not accept this. What was his lord thinking, giving him, of all people, a priceless family heirloom?

“It’s only a copy. I can have another one produced at any time I need. Now take it, please.” Sun Quan wore a humored smile and took no offense to his officer’s initial refusal. Finally, and shamefully, Lü Meng took the book in hand. What a silly thing to get so worked up on, he told himself, inspecting the book and silently admiring its various wears and tears to hide his embarrassment from his lord. “One thing I expect from every member of my army, that being their absolute best. Anything less and not only will you do me a great disservice, but yourself. You are capable of so much more, Lü Meng. You simply don’t see it yet.”

Sun Quan was certainly right about that. Lü Meng wasn’t sure where this idea that he was even remotely close to intelligent came from as he wasn’t the only one who suspected much out of him. Zhou Yu had said his ideas and opinions were valuable. But what idea? What was it that Zhou Yu and he lord saw in him that he himself could not? It was so perplexing and he couldn’t wrap his head around such a notion, so what chance did he have in figuring out the Art of War? Never had he felt so defeated and it showed, despite his best efforts to hide it. “I wish I could agree with you, my lord. But I will try my best, if it should please you.”

That smile faltered silently and it was enough of a warning that Lü Meng had, once again, chose his words poorly. Yet Sun Quan was merciful and waved a hand to dismiss him, allowing him to depart with only a light scalding for now. “It would, yes, but this is something you should want to do for yourself, otherwise there’s no point. Good day, Lü Meng.”

The rest of the departure was done in silence and it was difficult to leave his lord’s office with his head held high. He traversed the halls in almost a daze, debating which path to take when approaching this unexpected criticism. He knew the proper one, yes. That would be to take his lord’s words to heart, thus welcoming the poison laced in them and allow it to change him. That was what he should do and he knew the task would be long, grueling, and perhaps even impossible. 

“It can’t be done,” he said aloud and to know one, as the guards he passed by paid him no mind. They knew better than to dare approach him or admit to hearing him, as he knew he sounded like he would crush any foolish enough to get near him while in this mood. Maybe they heard his critique and the sound of his heavy footsteps scared them into silence? It was probably for the best, he figured. He glowered at the book his lord gave him, wishing he could pretend it was a gift and not a sudden burden so that he could find some use for the damn thing. “How am I expected to read and understand -this- when I can’t even read?”

He wanted to throw the damn thing away, but he couldn’t. As tainted as this ‘gift’ was, it was not his to mistreat. Lord Quan may have given it to him, but this ‘Art of War’ was not his, and nor would it ever be. He would return it someday and thus throwing it aside wouldn’t be a favorably option for him. Thus, he tucked it under his arm and was ready for the trek back home, though that was to be interrupted by the distinct jingling of bells that echoed through the corridor, followed immediately by the rather enthusiastic hoot. “Hey, Ossan! I need a sparrin’ partner that isn’t going to disappoint me. You in?”

There was no hesitation to be found in Lü Meng’s form and it was amazing he didn’t abandon the book all together. “Of course. I need to blow off some steam anyways.”

This answer pleased Gan Ning like it was no one’s business, but not so much for the strategist that had been following Lü Meng since his departure from Lord Quan’s office. He said nothing and brought no attention to himself, however, and he went about his business, hanging on to the hope that perhaps he simply needed time to soak everything in. One could not push too hard all at once, not without risking bringing damage to the vessel. He would give him the time he needed. He was, after all, a very patient man. He had every faith that Lü Meng would act appropriately, even if he chose his friends rather poorly.

~*~*~

Years later and those words would still be just as painful to hear, though Lü Meng had acquired a thicker skin and had taken careful measures to master his poker face. He knew now what he of back then did not know and in a way, it only made his admiration for his lord grow tenfold. He was harsh in his critique, yes, but he had known his officer well enough to know that his words would wound him. They would fester and spread, and eventually, they would heal and change with time. He would grow from there, evolve and adapt and eventually thrive in his new form.

The him of now knew that, but the Lü Meng of the past was too stubborn, too hurt and not knowing that it was but one of the stages necessary to endure. In his pain, he chose to flee from the source of it and surround himself in familiar comforts. He drowned himself in sparring matches with Gan Ning, going round after round with the former pirate, swapping victories and tricks. Little by little, he regained some of that confidence that his lord systematically destroyed, and if the grueling physical activity and the back-and-forth banter with his impromptu partner didn’t chase away the poison, then the gratuitous amount of wine would certainly do the trick. 

No, he didn’t approve of Gan Ning outright stealing the wine from the storage room, so he cleared his own conscience by leaving the payment on the shelf that once held the jug that was destined to be sacrificed for two ravenous officers…

They were about halfway through it before Gan Ning asked what his problem was, though he used a colorful way of wording it. Or maybe Lü Meng was too drunk to really comprehend it, so he merely guessed that he was asking what his deal was and had guessed appropriately. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he suffered from the accursed loose lips and thus, all of his thoughts trickled out with little, if any at all, control or filter.

“Everyone thinks I’m dumb.”

Gan Ning was resting in what he thought was the most uncomfortable position and yet the former pirate hardly seemed bothered by it. Was he a contortionist as well? He looked up from his twisted position and flashed his friend a dubious look, though it was contorted in Lü Meng’s alcohol addled brain. “Nah, nah. You’re not dumb.”

“I am. I’m uneducated. Can’t read,” Lü Meng said, figuring there was no point in hiding the truth now. If his lord knew he couldn’t read, then everyone would eventually know. Maybe they always knew. He was the laughing stock of the entire Wu army, so might as well get started on hearing the laughter now. “I’m pretty dumb, Gan Ning.”

“Nah, only a little. You did decide not to kill me…” Gan Ning shrugged and motioned for another refill, which Lü Meng was quick to oblige, if only to spare his fingers from another swat. One learned quickly that Gan Ning was impatient, especially when it came to withholding wine from him. The moment the cup was in reach, he snatched it like a hawk did a helpless carp, deadly and merciless yet with pin perfect precision to avoid clipping Lü Meng’s fingers. He didn’t down it immediately, despite the hungered glaze in his eyes and his laughter was downright mocking. “Not that I’m ain’t grateful. Being dead… don’t think I’d like it.”

“No. Too boring for you.” Lü Meng muttered, otherwise abandoning the talk of death. He had enough on his mind and the inevitability of death was something he wasn’t something he wanted to throw on top of that already engorged stack. As Gan Ning guzzled another cup, he stared down at his own, half filled and thus eager to reflect a man in his twenties, a man who had seen much enough violence even before joining Deng Dang’s unit and how it reflected in his tired green eyes. It reflected a man who had seen much more sunlight than those he served so loyally and thus appeared darker, a clear sign of his class and upbringing when his lack of education did not make it so obvious. His reflection was murky and yet clear to see, and he didn’t fight or argue when Gan Ning suddenly reached over and yoinked his cup from his grasp. He downed it before he could even utter a word!

“You must be dumb! You drink wine, not look at it! Is okay, though, I’ll teach you. Fill it up, Ossan.”

Once again, Lü Meng obliged, too lost in thought and drink to get angry over what was obviously teasing. His curiosity got the better of him, though. “What’s that even mean?”

“What mean? Means fill my cup with wine.”

He filled both cups, trying to figure out the word as he passed Gan Ning’s cup back to him. “No. That’s ‘please’. Ossan. Never heard of it from anyone but you.”

“That’s because there ain’t no one like me, hehehe! Word from across the sea, from this island or whatever.” Gan Ning swirled the ruby liquid around, waiting with amazing patience for his drinking partner to get situated. Not that Lü Meng really needed a lesson on how to get drunk or intoxicated, but he figured that playing along would be the best thing to do. Humor the former pirate. Why he thought that, though, he was too many drinks in to care. “Now, pay attention. Bring the cup to your lips, like this. See? Yeah, you got it. Now, you throw it in your mouth and-”

“Across the sea?” It was such a foreign concept to Lü Meng. He knew only of rivers and streams. Yes, he was such an idiot! He threatened to spill his wine when it looked like Gan Ning would snatch his again and he flung it into his mouth, not willing to allow the former pirate to steal his drink a second time that night. It burned and he almost spat it back out, but he steeled his gut and endured, like any warrior would. He let out a breath that turned into a singing belch and was appalled by the stench, causing him to throw his forearm over his mouth, muffling his words and enticing Gan Ning to lean closer to hear him. “I’ve never even seen the sea… it is like… a bigger river?”

“River ain’t got nothin’ on the sea! No land for miles around. Nothing but water and sky, an’ all beneath you, fish! Big fish, little fish… all different colors and delicious to eat.”

Lü Meng tried to imagine it and felt a twinge of fear churning within him. Ever honest, though, he admitted this to his drinking partner as he lowered his arm and pressed it against him when he was a little too close. “Sounds frightening.”

“Only if you’re a baby… you’re not a baby, are you?”

“No. Years late for that. Now, what’s it mean?”

Eventually Gan Ning took the hint and leaned back into his contortionist position, the wave of his head beckoning for another filled up. Lü Meng did so, noting now how much lighter the jug was becoming and how it perfectly matched his head. How the hell could Gan Ning possibly drink any more? Where did it all even go? “You’ll love it. Can be nice an’ quiet, no distractions, no worries. I’ll teach you how to fish. We’ll live like kings… on a floaty, rocking island. You’ll love it.”

It did sound appealing. He passed over the filled cup and then the jug. He had his fill and he grew tired of playing servant to Gan Ning’s endless pit of a belly. The thought of just up and leaving, though… “What about my family? Or my duty?”

“Leave ‘em,” Gan Ning said simply and rather bluntly too, leaving Lü Meng speechless. “Your wife… the little mouse seems to got a good handle on things. Just give her a crossbow an’ that’s that. Only got a kid to take care of, an’ a little one at that! How much trouble can he be?”

“Two. I got another one coming.”

“Oh. Congratulations.” It was so painfully insincere that no amount of wine could mask it, and all it had taken was the start of a glower to make him change his tune. “Alright, fine! You can bring them. Going to need someone to keep the boat clean.”

“As if I’d make her do that.” Lü Meng felt uncomfortably warm and he did like where this conversation was going. “Drop it. It’s not going to happen.”

“Can’t bring Ying! Not unless he’s for food. Throw some spices on him and that’ll mask his wickedness. Would be a little rough-”

“Gan Ning! Enough!” And when his bark wasn’t enough, he grabbed the cup from Gan Ning’s hand and hurled it into the darkness, silencing the former pirate immediately. It wouldn’t stop there, either. He threw his own cup before Gan Ning would think to snatch it from him, this one going even further than the last if the angle of the arc was telling. Gan Ning let out an impressed whistle that quickly changed into a frantic cry when Lü Meng reached for the jug. He threw his body over the jug to prevent the wine from suffering the same fate, and it worked. As confident as he was in his own strength, he was certain that Gan Ning would put up a fight when the cups could not. He looked rather silly but there wasn’t an ounce of humor to be found in his body now. “We’re not eating my horse. We’re not taking my wife and child… children!”

“Fine! Fine! Just the two of us then- don’t need to be so angry. You’re so dense… maybe they’re right. Maybe you’re dumb...”

“No, because I’m not going.” Lü Meng was quick to dismiss the notion, and he flopped back down, sparring Gan Ning from the loss of his precious wine he cradled in his arms. He would still be a victim of his foul mood, but at least the wine wouldn’t be wasted. “I have no intentions of leaving Wu or my duties, so not going.”

Which now made him curious and he looked to Gan Ning as the former pirate rearranged the jug to rest in his lap. “Are you leaving?”

“Nah, course not. Not yet, anyways. But, you know, if things don’t work out an’ I need an escape, I got one.” He caressed the jug like the emperor would a pug, too busy with his cherishing to notice the almost betrayed look that Lü Meng wore. No, he looked up to see when it soured and he grew defensive, hunching over the wine in case Lü Meng went for it a second time. “What? Gotta have a back up plan! When times get bad, you get goin’.”

Lü Meng shook his head and simply said nothing. He had never figured the former pirate to be the type to flee from a conflict instead of stick around and fight to the bitter end. What did that read for his character? Why was Lü Meng even thinking about that? He was getting tired, both physically and of Gan Ning’s antics, so he gave one last push for the answer he longed for. “So, going to tell me what it means or not?”

“You’re no fun sometimes.” Gan Ning hefted himself up to his feet, jug in hand and held close to hit tattooed chest, daring Lü Meng or anyone to try and snatch away his treasure. Lü Meng knew better than to even try now and made it clear he had no interest by looking away at the darkened horizon and away from Gan Ning. Gan Ning’s intentions were clear as well, but why he was planning to dart away was the question, one that would be answered all too soon. “It means ‘old man.’”

“‘Old man’?” Lü Meng parroted the words and by the time it dawned on him as to what the former pirate had been calling him for the last few months, Gan Ning had jumped off the rooftop they were lounging around on and fled. It was the smartest thing he had ever done in his life, because he knew how Lü Meng would react to the insult in the guise of a nickname.

Yes, definitely a smart move, because Lü Meng was beyond angry now. His already foul disposition, mixed with the wine, had been a deadly mix and Lü Meng, for all of his reserves before, shouted after him, before pushing himself to his feet and chasing after him. “You brazen pirate!”

 

In his own mind, he had it all figured out. He’d slide off the slanted rooftop and whistle for his horse. The two of them would give chase and would catch up to him in no time at all, and then… well, he did not have that much planned out. It might have involved a light beating, followed by a slew of harsh words. Maybe even the breaking of friendship entirely, depending on how Gan Ning chose to defend himself. But none of that was destined to play out, as his inebriated state would throw him for a loop. He rose too fast and lost his footing, slipping down and tumbling onto the earth with a loud but harmless thud as he fell into the discarded hay below. The wine may have deadened the pain but he was still left dazed, and that brief moment was enough to not only allow the former pirate to escape, but for the strategist to finally decide that enough was enough. 

“On your feet, soldier. This instant.”

It was no easy task, but Lü Meng obeyed, straightening himself up and throwing strands of hay here and there. He almost blacked out from the speed of his ascent and he wavered for a moment before he eventually stood strong. The sneer on Zhou Yu’s handsome face hit him harder than any whip or fist could. Where had he come from? Why did he appear so angry with him? Such questions came rushing at him now that there was no former pirate to distract him, and he was never given the chance to give the strategist his proper respect before he was motioned to silence himself. He obeyed without question, though not even that seemed to appease him. “You should be ashamed of yourself, Lü Meng! This kind of behavior is not appropriate for a self-respecting officer of war!” 

As angry as he was moments ago, Lü Meng almost seemed to forget all of it, and the shame that Zhou Yu obviously wanted him to feel was filling in the empty space left in the wake of his recently departed anger. He wasn’t sure which behavior he was talking about exactly, but he had a good idea what it may have been. Wisely, he said nothing and allowed for Zhou Yu to carry on. He had already been picked apart by his lord today, so he figured that Zhou Yu could not be any worse than being told he wasn’t giving his all when he felt he clearly was. “I was hoping that your talk with Lord Sun Quan would have gotten through to you, but I can see now that your skull is much thicker than I had originally realized.”

The drunk officer blinked a few times but it was simply no use. Zhou Yu could see that his words were having no effect and he shook his head. “You’re impossible sometimes. Do you at least have our lord’s copy of the Art of War on you?”

“Yes, my lord…” Finally, a response. It took him a moment to find it and despite their drunken antics, it had nary a new scratch or a drop of wine on it, thanks to his irrational fear of damaging his lord’s property and displeasing him anymore than he already had. It was wrapped in cloth and placed behind the stack of barrels that the two drunkards used to climb on top the stable’s rooftop. He held it out to Zhou Yu but he immediately dismissed it. “No, that is yours to read, and I will expect you to read it absolutely thoroughly, so much that you can rewrite it front ways and back. You will know it so completely that you will be able to recite it when prompted-”

“But… I cannot read!” Lü Meng could not help but despair now. He wanted nothing more than to thrust the book into his hands and be done with it, and yet when he tried, Zhou Yu took a step back and kept his hands to himself, knowing that he would not let it fall to the ground. The shame and anger, mixed with the wine and the insult that Gan Ning flung at him, he could not rein his emotions in and his only solitude, if eve, was that only Zhou Yu would witness the breakdown. “I can’t read! I’m not smart! I’m dumb! A moron, an idiot! Anything I ever did that you or our lord mistook for intelligence was just sheer dumb luck! How am I expected to understand anything in this book if I can’t even read? How?”

He never cared if he was yelling. He was to drunk to watch the volume of his voice. He should have chosen his words better, but his despair wouldn’t allow for that. And yet, for all of his turmoil, Zhou Yu remained calm and passive, his earlier anger dissipating as he graced him with a kind and rare smile. “Then learn. I will teach you how to read and write. The rest, should you wish it, can either be done with myself as your teacher, or on your own. That will be your choice, but for now, accept my teachings, and start the path to becoming the man that our lord and myself see in you.”

It seemed so simple. Too simple. But Lü Meng liked simple and would take simple over anything else at that moment. He still held doubts in his heart, but did it matter when his lord and Zhou Yu had faith in him? He was too tired, far too weak, to fight anymore, so he gave in. For them, he would try…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“And this, you learned to read. What a marvelous story.”

Zuo Ci’s mockery was clear as day to hear, especially now that he didn’t have wine to cloud his judgment. But it wasn’t too have and was more of a playful tease than downright insulting, so Lü Meng chose to shrug it off. He took full advantage of the return of his senses and stretched his fingers and arms. The various pops did nothing to distract either of them from what he had to say. “You put it so simply, but more or less, yes. It wasn’t easy. Now that I think about it, it was probably akin to torture.”

“Lord Zhou Yu was a strict teacher?”

Lü Meng let out a strained laugh and nodded, surprised he could even muster a laugh now. “He didn’t allow me to slack or even rest. And he has… erm, had this way of making one feel like a total fool when it came to criticism, especially if you were wrong. Or maybe I -was- an idiot and he was only eager to remind me.”

He could recall his rigorous regimen and though they had not returned to the realm of memories, he could still feel his head swelling at all of the knowledge that Zhou Yu shoveled into his brain. He was relentless, merciless, and the hardened Chief-Commander could not stop the shudder he felt when remembering the many times he erred. “It took more time than I thought it would, but eventually I got it down. Why there were so many ways to write the word ‘sword’, how the slightest misaligned slant could change the meaning of the word and sentence. I don’t know how he managed to do it or how he did not lose his patience and give up on me, but I learned.”

“Because he was already invested in his secret endeavor and his pride would not allow him to walk away from his investment, not without the risk of tarnishing his reputation.”

It made sense to Lü Meng and he hadn’t really thought of it before, had Zuo Ci no chosen his words with extreme care. “Secret endeavour?”

“Perhaps you were not paying attention, or perhaps you choose to ignore it,” Zuo Ci said, his tone turning the air around them frigid in a heartbeat. “Your lord Zhou Yu was determined to prove to not only you but to another that you could be educated, though why you… and for what purpose, I am still trying to figure out. Did he truly see a genius in you, locked away and merely waiting to be unleashed with the right nurturing, or was there something else that drove him to invest in you? Whatever the case, we can explore this at a later time. It may reveal itself yet without the need to dig. For now, I am more interested in how you had transitioned from one mindset to the other. Your journey has thoroughly invested me.”

“That’s a rather dastardly thing to do, but yes, by all means, let’s continue.” Lü Meng did not care much for being teased and pulled around for too long, but he could wait it out. He had been observing Zuo Ci’s game and could tolerate it a little bit longer if only to catch enough clues to draw his own conclusions. He’ll figure this mystic out eventually. He usually did. “I thought the task of learning to read would have been the hardest part of my new direction in life. As always back then, I was wrong.”


	19. If At First You Don't Succeed...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zhou Yu will need a new table...

“Unacceptable. Do it again.”

Zhou Yu had said it so many times that Lü Meng swore he was caught in an infinity loop. Time and time again, he would submit his work, and it never seemed to be good enough. Nothing got past Zhou Yu’s ever vigilant gaze, as the slightest misaligned slant, the dot in the wrong place, and the entire piece would be scrapped and Lü Meng would have to rewrite the entire thing.

“Don’t rush it. You will have plenty of time to tend to your other duties.” 

Zhou Yu would tell him, seeing through Lü Meng’s efforts and immediately seeing what the cause for his continued slip ups. Zhou Yu allowed him time to carry on his duties as a major as it was still expected of him, as well as being a husband and father. But any free time he once had, as minuscule as it already was, was now devoted to his studies. Day, night, any time that he was not preoccupied with either his men, training, or chasing the ever excitable Ba around because poor Ren had become too encumbered with expected child number two, he was locked away in Zhou Yu’s study quarters, reading another piece of literature or manuscript or strategy, writing it and rewriting it when Zhou Yu was, as expected, dissatisfied. 

When light ebbed away to summon the night, he worked by candle light and was often awakened by either Zhou Yu or his servants the following morning (the latter of which were merciful and would help him tidy up and even sneak him out of the room before their master entered and lectured him for not tending to his own needs.)

It wasn’t so much the rigorous regimen or even the high expectations that Lord Zhou Yu had placed on him, or even how finicky he came off as he felt he should not neglect his own duties and yet he would grow so angry when he showed any signs of putting said duties over the one he and his lord put upon him. No, what got his feathers thoroughly ruffled was that sometimes, Zhou Yu would not explain his errors to him at all!

He would look over his assignment and on a good day, he would have the corrections written out on the side. But other days, Zhou Yu would look over the work, would stay his writing hand, give a few nods, but then would set it down in front of his student and tell him to do it again.

It was maddening! If he was told what he was doing wrong, he’d be fine! He’d know what to fix, or at least he’d have an idea since even the corrections were somewhat vague. He wrote and rewrote again, and he never argued, never questioned, because he just assumed that there was method to this madness and he wasn’t getting it.

Yes, maddening. It was madness and he was certain that he would snap under the pressure eventually and those acting to keep him sane were only delaying the inevitable.

One of the welcome reprieves during his trials was the occasional visit from Zhou Yu’s wife. Xiao Qiao, one of the two famed Qiao beauties, whose beauty and grace were so renowned that there was a poem written in their honor, was not at all what Lü Meng expected the wife of a man like Zhou Yu would be. She was loud, energetic, and completely and utterly transparent, the polar opposite of her husband in almost every way except in their shared beauty.

Her visits often brought a moment of rest and sometimes a snack, and though they never talked long (because Lü Meng suspected her near endless energy would not allow her to stay still too long), be came to enjoy them, albeit discretely. Through Xiao Qiao’s many visits as well as previous experiences, he learned a valuable lesson about Zhou Yu’s character. He was an extremely jealous individual, and of those he considered close to him, he would grow extremely protective of if he felt others were getting too close. Xiao Qiao was no exception to this and after a few burns, Lü Meng had learned quickly to keep his head down and focused on his work at the slightest hint that she was on her way to visit. 

Not that Xiao Qiao did him any favors, and she was the type to notice when she was deliberately being ignored and would thus go out of the way to ensure all eyes would be on her. It would turn into a game. What could she do this time to distract Lü Meng, and if he wasn’t so worried about invoking her husband’s wrath, he would’ve admired her creativeness and her tenacity.

It took him too long to realize that all of Xiao Qiao’s efforts were not just to feed her desire to be noticed, but were intended to purposefully distract him. It was a test to see how he could handle both distractions as well as multitask, since it was clear that not all distractions could be ignored. Xiao Qiao’s antics represented various scenarios that could spring up and demand his attention at any time, and the test part came in when he had to decide when to intervene and how he would resolve the matter. When he figured this out, he was conflicted on how to feel. While it pleased him to know that he passed on most of the scenarios, the idea that Zhou Yu sent his wife to intentionally pester him grated on his nerves. It aroused too many conflicted emotions within himself. Was Xiao Qiao only visiting to distract him? Was Zhou Yu’s jealousy only an act to further push his teachings? What did any of this have to do with learning how to read?

The fact that he was constantly asking these questions had to be a sign of some improvement, he figured. Not that Zhou Yu would ever acknowledge such. When he asked questions, he was asked to repeat himself, to reword it multiple times until he found himself uncovering the answer, thus causing him to retreat back to his studies and reminding himself to not ask questions again (in which he never remembered). There were a few rare moments where Zhou Yu would explain something, but for the most part it usually ended with Lü Meng feeling more foolish than enlightened.

All in all, he was completely miserable and he was certain that anyone could see it. Ren certainly could tell and would compensate his misery with back massages and good meals. His men were just as keen and that acted with even more vigilance, not once replying to orders with snark or even the slightest hint of jest. 

It seemed everyone knew of his ordeal and were putting forth some effort to lighten his lord. Almost everyone.

Whereas he eventually figured out that Xiao Qiao’s efforts were intentional, Gan Ning’s occasional visits were akin to torture, because he knew that the former pirate was going out of his WAY to bother him, but not in the helpful sense as Xiao Qiao had been. Gan Ning was being annoying because he was Gan Ning and he could be.

He’d jingle his bells, shout at others even when it was clear he was doing it exceptionally loudly near Lü Meng’s window. He would do whatever was in his power to pester the hell out of him and the worst part was that Zhou Yu would leave it to him to decide how to handle it.

What Lü Meng wanted to do was storm out and threaten to beat him within an inch of his life, but that was obviously not the solution that Zhou Yu was aiming for. Like with Xiao Qiao, he was expected to figure out when to ignore the threat and when to handle the ‘crisis’ and how (though to do it in a manner that pleased Zhou Yu). The same tactics that would have worked on the youngest Qiao were often rendered useless against the likes of Gan Ning, and the rate of success when dealing with the former pirate and not feeling like he had been played like a lute or the butt of a joke were so low that he felt he was trapped in a losing battle. There were times when be simply chose not to act and worked through the noise. That method was a hit and miss but slightly more successful than approaching the former pirate with anger. But it was still a shaky method because Gan Ning was persistent and could be inhumanely annoying when he had nothing else planned for the day.

But still Lü Meng struggled on, rewriting and hoping that this next one would be the one to appease his picky teacher and hiding all evidence of his growing resentment that, once again, Zhou Yu was fueling. Perhaps it was only natural to feel this whenever in such a man’s presence, he told himself, resting on his knees at Zhou Yu’s feet as he read over his recent work. The ink was still wet but it didn’t seem to bother him in the least.

Today seemed destined to be different, however. He had a feeling in his bones that today would be a good day and he was struggling to hide this sense of anticipation. No, he learned not to show such excitement in front of Zhou Yu as he was now certain that it had caused him to have to redo the work one time in the past. He knelt there, stone faced, even when Lu Su arrived, spouting the usual formalities and setting down his reports on Zhou Yu’s desk. They exchanged a few words, but Lü Meng didn’t pay much attention. He watched Zhou Yu, whose eyes never left the work he was reading even as he gave Lu Su his proper dues. This was a good sign, Lü Meng thought-

THUNK!

It took everything not to flinch at the sudden noise, even more than that to stifle the curse that almost slipped. Zhou Yu flipped to the next page, as Lu Su, who had not spent so long trapped in Zhou Yu’s study quarters, glanced at where the noise came from. “What was that?”

“Gan Ning,” Zhou Yu said, skimming over the page and nodding his head in approval. There came another ‘thunk’ and still Zhou Yu showed no concern or interest in the fact that the former pirate was using his study for target practice. “How are the reports from the north coming along?”

“As expected. There’s no definitive movement come out way but it’s likely to them being preoccupied with-” Another thunk and Lu Su flinched. He looked to the wall the reverberated from the impact. This was the one that caused Zhou Yu to raise his head from his work and that was Lü Meng’s queue. He bowed his head and muttered the words ‘excuse me’, before pushing himself up and making his leave. Lu Su immediately sought to call him back but Zhou Yu rose his hand, cutting Lu Su off before he could say a word to the retreating officer. “So, a test?”

“Yes. Let’s see how he handles this, shall we?”

Lu Su had a feeling that Zhou Yu was far too eager to show off the progress of his student, so how could Lu Su possible refuse? “The fact that Lü Meng didn’t throw your table at him already shows some improvement. Let’s see long it’ll take him before he resorts to violence against the pirate.”

“You don’t hold him in high regards still? I suppose I can’t blame you, but yes, he has shown some improvement.” Zhou Yu led Lu Su to the window, pulling back on the sheets and clearing the view for them. From this distance, they couldn’t hear the exchange but they had a clear view of the two and body language to go off of, as well as their own imaginations. “He’s come from a different life than us. Growing up in poverty, with a family to protect and under constant threat from the Shanyue and bandits wouldn’t allow for anything else. That quick temper and violent streak was necessary for survival and is part of what makes him a good soldier.”

Lu Su scratched at his chin, mulling over Zhou Yu’s observation and unable to deny the truth behind it. Thus far, Lü Meng and Gan Ning looked to be having a civil conversation and the way Lü Meng held himself was promising, but both men knew that it would only take one ill spoken word to trigger Lü Meng’s temper. “So it seems. But it’s not ideal for a strategist to have those traits.”

Zhou Yu snickered, as Gan Ning fitted another arrow onto the bow in clear defiance of Lü Meng’s request. “You’re so certain about that. Not all problems can be resolved with violence, but can it not be said that not all problems can be resolved through diplomacy either? It takes a mixture of the two, a balance, and knowing when to pursue one over the other. I intend to pursue this.”

“Though Lü Meng.” Lu Su pointed out, a glaring look of disapproval lighting his rugged features and the origins of it was lost on Zhou Yu as the other strategist shook his head and let it drop. Now both of the turned their attention to the proceeding outside and it was only through Gan Ning’s uproarious laughter that they could guess where this would go. With no one else talking, it was easier to hear the exchange and all eyes and ears in the general vicinity were on them.

Unaware of what the strategists were talking about but certain he was the topic, Lü Meng was working hard to not just deck the nuisance in the face and be done with it. No, that wouldn’t please Zhou Yu and he’d ruin all of the man’s hard work if he simply resorted to instincts and violence. Especially in front of Lu Su. He suspected he invited him there for an update and like hell he’d ruin it. No, this was, yet, another test, and the worst part was that Gan Ning damn well knew he was spared from a strike. He took one look at that smug face of his and knew he was judging him, though why he didn’t even care. “Just go somewhere else. We’re busy.”

“No you’re not. Just reading a few books and writing, and playing Zhou Yu’s prized pooch. Don’t look that busy to me.”

Oh, yes, Gan Ning’s disgust was clearer to hear than the bells at his waist and Lü Meng couldn’t help but notice just how scorned he sounded to him. He said nothing, which only allowed for Gan Ning to carry on his prattle. “How did that happen, anyways? Thought you were an idiot. Why would someone smart like Zhou Yu take in a self-proclaimed moron as a student, huh?”

“It’s none of your business or concern. What do I have to do to make you leave this time?”

He was getting impatient and he knew it. He had more writing to do and damn the former pirate for wasting his time right now. Gan Ning fit another goosefeather arrow to his bow, all the while grinning and baring his teeth, all meaning to intimidate him though to little success. “Heh, asking so nicely. They’re taming you, you know that, right? They’re filing down your teeth and claws, and you’re letting them do it. That’s the damnest part, you know that? What self respecting warrior allows himself to be caged and leashed?”

This struck a nerve and had Zhou Yu and Lu Su not been watching, he might have duked it out with him right then and there. And yet, even if there weren’t, he knew it would get back to them and all of Zhou Yu’s hard work and his own would have been for naught. The furrowing of his brow enticed a snide grin from Gan Ning and he rose his bow to take aim at the broadside of the study quarters that had been his ‘cage’ for months now. “Ha, Lü Meng, the gelded tiger! The old, gelded tiger that lays at Zhou Yu’s feet for scrapes and belly rubs.”

Without warning, the bow was ripped from his hands and Gan Ning was ready for a scrap, but neither man threw a punch. Those watching now had feared that Lü Meng would snap the bow in two and they certainly knew he was fully capable of it, but he made no movement to do so. Zhou Yu nor Lu Su intervened and Lü Meng took that as a sign to continue. “Gelded, am I?”

“That’s what I said. What, don’t you know what that me-”

“I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. I’ve been reading, as you damn well noticed! You think I’m gelded because I choose to better myself? Fine, I’ll show you I’m not rusty, and when I do, you must leave me alone when I’m studying. Got it?”

Gan Ning snickered and his skepticism was obvious to all. “A bet then? Fine. Prove it.”

Lü Meng reached into the garments that were draped over his armor and produced the apple that Ren had given him before he left that morning, a customary routine since she knew he would put in extra hours into his studying. He tossed it to Gan Ning and traded it for an arrow from his quiver. When Gan Ning sent him a quizzical look, Lu Meng pointed to his own head and explained. “If I can get that apple off your head, I win, and you -will- stop interrupting my lessons.”

Gan Ning’s eyes grew wide and matched the apple that he held, but it only lasted for a moment before his natural smug grin took over, as if by instincts. “Alright, but when you miss, you owe me three jugs of the finest wine our lord has in his storage, and I get to keep pestering you. Sounds good?”

Lü Meng took note of the word ‘when’ and let a sneer of his own be seen before he gave a nod. “Very well. Now, go stand by the wall while I put you in your place.”

He was surprisingly obedient, despite his scoff. By now, the servants that were bear were intrigued and all eyes were on them, which was just fine with the both of them. Zhou Yu was, by far, the most invested at this turn of events, even when Lu Su was weary. “Seems to be getting tense. You sure you want this to proceed?”

“Absolutely,” Zhou Yu said, a little louder for one that wished to remain hidden. Lu Su noticed it immediately, as did Gan Ning, and the way the belled man tilted his head towards them only made Zhou Yu speak even louder. “Handing him a bow, though. Not sure I would have done that.”

Lu Su caught on to Zhou Yu’s scheme fairly quickly, and he decided to play along. What the hell, why not, he thought with a wry grin. “Yeah, not his most proficient weapon. He could miss and hit a wall, or a servant… or maybe even Gan Ning himself.”

“Please, have some faith. He’s been practicing, though he does have a rather mean streak in him.”

“Say, hasn’t Lü Meng already got a record?”

The movement was subtle but both noticed how Gan Ning’s shoulders stiffened. Naturally, Zhou Yu continued, as if pretending that Gan Ning couldn’t hear them. “He does. Killed a fellow soldier, though the reason escapes me at the moment. No doubt he’s learned his lesson and will not do it again. Though, I suppose if it were an accident…”

“Shame. Accident. Would hate to lose another officer for being foolish to provoke Lü Meng.”

Oh yes, Gan Ning was definitely on edge now and their faces hurt from their efforts in trying to conceal the urge to share a chuckle, as the former pirate called out to the other officer. “You’ve used a bow before, right?”

“Of course I did.” Lü Meng was ready and held up the bow, his aim a little lower than Gan Ning would have really liked. From this distance, Lü Meng could see that Gan Ning was more uncomfortable than he was willing to admit and thus far it was all going well. “Now, stay still. Come on, don’t look so nervous. I won’t miss.”

“Nervous? Me?” Gan Ning, never one that liked being called anything besides brave and heroic, placed the apple on his head and stood firm. “Wouldn’t know the meaning of the word, Ossan!”

It seemed that Gan Ning had realized his error at the same time that Lu Su and Zhou Yu did, and the groan he heard from Lu Su matched the furrowing of Lü Meng’s brow as he took aim once more. “Oh, this could end horribly.”

“Oh, yes, that was it. The officer Lü Meng killed? He mocked his age… seems such a strange thing to be so vain about. Perhaps we should step in…”

But it was too late. Lü Meng pulled back on the string and Gan Ning held his breath, hoping that the fear that he failed to hide could not be seen from this distance. Suddenly, Lü Meng’s eyes went wide and how tense was Gan Ning that the man’s panicked shout was enough to cause him to jerk down into a duck. “WATCH OUT! TIGER!”

The apple flew off his head as Gan Ning looked around, scanning the area for the beast but found only a wall behind him, equally confused and startled servants, and two humored strategists looking at him through the window. It wasn’t until Zhou Yu spoke up that those that watched understood what had just happened and even then, Gan Ning was left in the dark. “Well, that settles that. On your way, Gan Ning.”

“What?” Gan Ning looked down at the fallen apple and it finally dawned on him at what Zhou Yu was getting at. He was never one to admit defeat easily and nor would he go down without a fight, even when he only dug his grave deeper. “But he didn’t shoot the-”

“He didn’t need to. He said to get the apple off your head. He never said anything about using your bow to do it.” Even Lu Su was grinning ear to ear and he rather liked seeing such a childish look on his normally smug face. Anything that could accomplish such a feat was a victory in his book.

The former pirate sneered, but it seemed that his common sense warned him not to push the matter any further. The look Zhou Yu gave brooked no argument and he as all too happy to grab the bow and unfired arrow that Lü Meng thrust harmlessly into his arms. What startled Lu Su the most, more than even the fact that Lü Meng had even thought of any of this, was that Lü Meng’s expression held no triumph or even so much as a grin. Only a stoic, determined look that betrayed his victory, and he seemed more irritated than anything else as he walked past the former pirate. Gan Ning grumbled something beneath his breath but was hit with a stroke of wisdom at the last minute and stalked off, snapping verbally at any poor servant that was unfortunate enough to be caught gawking. Eventually, with an angry flurry of words and even angrier jingle of bells, the former pirate was gone and peace was restored.

Moments later and Lü Meng had returned to Zhou Yu’s quarters, where he reclaimed his seat. It was clear he wasn’t expecting an award or even an acknowledgement of his deed, though Lu Su was waiting for one. He looked to Zhou Yu but the strategist merely nodded his head and had carried on with his reading, as if nothing changed. Lu Su wanted to say something, but he knew better. He held onto his words for later and chose not to interfere with Zhou Yu’s method since it appeared to be having some effect, at least on the surface.

Eventually, Zhou Yu finished his review and set it back down in front of the waiting Lü Meng, and even Lu Su was drawn to pity at Lü Meng’s crushed expression. “Do it again.”

How many times had Lü Meng been subjected to that, Lu Su had to wonder, for him to allow his careful neutral expression to drop so quickly. If one could personify his disappointment into a tangible form it would be like crushing an egg with a rock and add a few boulders on top of that for good measure. He could see the confliction in his eyes when Zhou Yu chose to turn around and retreat to his desk, and for a brief moment, Lu Su wish he had known Lü Meng better so that he could have predicted his reaction better. Would he accept defeat so easily, or would he argue? Lu Su was ashamed to admit that he had no idea…

“What’s wrong with it?”

And thus, he chose to fight back, and Lu Su didn’t regret his decision to turn in his reports in person now. He admired both his gumption as well as his ability to keep his frustration from bubbling out all at once. Zhou Yu seemed just as surprised as he was that Lü Meng chose to protest, but it did not last for more than a second, as he sought to deflect it. “You’re disobeying direct orders?”

“No, I’m asking a question.” Lü Meng may have remained kneeling but his voice defied this. Months ago, he would have shirked at the very notion that his actions were insubordinate, but now he seemed to have worked out his boundaries, at least in his own head. Whether his objection was justified, however, that was a question in itself and Lu Su held his tongue and kept his eyes shifting between the two as Lü Meng took Zhou Yu’s silence as a means to continue. “I will rewrite it a million times until it satisfies your lofty expectations, but if I do not know what it is that unsatisfactory, then how am I expected to fix it?”

Lu Su was impressed. His vocabulary along had improved greatly, though his words were sullied by his rising anger. Zhou Yu, however, was unimpressed and scoffed his voice taking a dangerous tone, albeit subtly. “My expectations are hardly ‘lofty’. They’re standard and is expected of any strategist, even the most basic. As for what is unsatisfactory, read your own work and you’ll see. If I have to explain what is wrong with your work, then it’s clear you’re missing the point of this lesson.”

Most men would have understood the venom laced in Zhou Yu’s fine voice and would have backed off, but it seemed that Lü Meng was a special kind of brave and stupid. For how well he handled the situation with Gan Ning, he had drained him of every ounce of patience. Lu Su was ready to intervene when Lü Meng rose to his full height, the action so quick and sudden that his threatened to send the papers flying across the floor. Yet, Zhou Yu motioned for Lu Su to stay back and his command was unmistakable, even to someone that did not share his level of intellect. “Lü Meng, sit down.”

“And what is the point? What is it since I’m apparently too dumb to figure it out?”

“Lü Meng-”

Lu Su was cut off but by the one that Lü Meng was yelling at. “Enough. Don’t make a scene, either of you. Lü Meng, I never said you were dumb.”

“But you implied it!” Lü Meng snapped, ignoring Lu Su entirely and not once lowering his voice, not even for a second. The look on Zhou Yu’s face would have been refreshing, except that it meant that he no longer had control of the situation and now who knew where Lü Meng’s wrath would lead? “Yes! I get it. I’m too stupid to figure out even one of your simplest puzzles. You keep telling me to redo it over and over and over again! And what for? What good has any of it done?”

“Please, Lü Men-”

“What am I doing wrong? Am I even doing anything wrong? Tell me, because I can’t figure it out!” Lü Meng’s tirade could not be stopped and there was very real fear in Zhou Yu’s eyes when Lü Meng suddenly raised his balled fists and slammed them down on the table that separated the two. With a loud CRASH, papers and writing utensils went flying and the desk’s legs gave way beneath it, sending it crumbling to the ground, perfectly accenting Lü Meng’s shout. “DON’T TOY WITH ME!”

If Lü Meng had known how long it had been since anyone had rendered Zhou Yu speechless, he would have probably felt an ounce of pride mingle with that rage, but Lu Su felt that it may have been for the best to never let him know. After that explosion of raw, unadulterated energy, they watched as Lü Meng stormed out of the study, never once needing to wait for an order to do so though he suspected it’d be on its way once Zhou Yu found his voice again. 

As papers fluttered to the ground, neither survivors of that storm felt like filling the voice left with any noise besides their own breathing. Who knew how much time passed before they found their voices again. The first to speak, not surprisingly, was Lu Su, and he took careful precaution to keep anything that could be construed as humor or snark from his rumbling voice as he did so. “Well, what have we learned?”

“Not to provoke a tiger, apparently.” Despite the fear evident in his deep brown eyes, Zhou Yu’s voice maintained its finely tuned culture, and the wound to his ego was poorly hidden and even he knew it. He looked at the carnage left in Lü Meng’s wake and little by little, the fear in his eyes faded and made way for annoyance and disappointment. “He was so close, too.”

Lu Su wasn’t one to allow his emotions to get the better of him, so imagining Zhou Yu’s surprise when his fellow strategist let out a groan had threatened to undermine everything. When Lu Su chose to say nothing and attempt to save face, Zhou Yu took that choice away from him. “What’s on your mind?”

“You pushed him to this point and then have the gall to be disappointed when he doesn’t behave the way you want him to. What were you expecting?”

“Not a broken desk, for starters.” He spread his arms and motioned to the desk that laid in ruins at his feet. Lu Su wanted to laugh, both at the situation and at Zhou Yu being caught in the act, but seeing him more annoyed at his failed experiment than guilty about intentionally provoking an officer ruined any goodwill he might have held. “No matter. I’ll get a new one. As for Lü Meng, I’ll refrain from reporting this behavior in lieu of the fact that I was the one that enticed him. I’ll give him a few days to tend to his other duties and his family. That should calm him down.”

Lu Su bristled but chose not to push the matter any further with Zhou Yu. In a way, Zhou Yu was doing the officer a huge favor in not reporting his actions, but that wouldn’t spare any who were unfortunate enough to get in the man’s way. Someone would have to calm him down, and it was clear that it wouldn’t be Zhou Yu. “Permission to go talk to him before he burns down the entire capital with his foul mood?”

“Granted.”

“Before I go, what was wrong with his work?” Lu Su asked, and Zhou Yu looked up at Lu Su, his face reflecting his confusion and enticing him to explain himself. “His assignment. He’ll probably want to know what he did wrong and I would like to actually give him an answer.”

Just like that, Zhou Yu’s expression softened and his smile only made Lu Su wish there was another table for him to break. “Nothing was wrong with it. I merely hoped he could have calmly explained that to me.”

“In his defense…” In which Lu Su was even surprised he was taking such a stance himself that he paused and almost lost his train of thought before catching the tail end of it and committing despite the warning glance Zhou Yu shot him. “If you don’t tell him when he’s doing something right, he won’t know to proceed, which will only get him caught in a loop. You can’t expect him to catch your subtle hints if you intentionally don’t leave any signs.”

He had a feeling he spoke out of line and was prepared for the consequences, but Zhou Yu’s brow softened once more and he let out a long sigh, filled to the brim with resignation. “I do push him hard. Perhaps too hard. I’ll rethink this and try and different approach later. You’re dismissed.”

Lu Su gave a bow of his head and was on his way, steeling himself for the task of tracking down Lü Meng and calming him down before their capital became a war zone.

Perhaps he was being too harsh on Lü Meng, he thought, looking for signs of where he might have gone and regretting that he chose not to take the time to figure out the man’s habits as he feared it would make his quest all the more difficult. Up until Zhou Yu had provoked him, he had been handling things better than he had first anticipated, and there was definite improvements, so maybe he wasn’t nearly as destructive as he kept thinking he would be. But he then reminded himself all too quickly, that he did just destroy a table with his bare hands. 

He kept that mental image in mind and was quick to bring it up as his search took another turn with little results. How fast on his feet was he? “Lord Lu Su, are you looking for someone?”

Taishi Ci, despite his heavy armor and impressive physique, had a way of speaking that would startle most that didn’t know him. Lu Su was seldom taken off guard but today seemed to be a day of exceptions and he hoped that he didn’t look too frazzled in the warrior’s eyes. “As a matter of fact, yes I am, Master Taishi Ci. Did you happen to see Lü Meng pass by here, or know where I’d be more likely to find him?”

“He passed by here a few moments ago, and he looked tense.” It was such a polite way of putting it, Lu Su thought, fighting down a smile. “He’s likely headed to the stables. Something about horses seem to put him at ease, I think.”

Or he was attempting to flee because the realization of his meltdown hit him and caused him to panic. Taishi Ci may have been a warrior but he was perspective to a degree, as he could see the concern lighting in Lu Su’s eyes, and he suspected something was amiss. “Should we seek him out?”

“It’d be for the best. I’ll welcome your assistance in the matter, if you don’t mind? While I’m confident in my own abilities, I would feel safer if I didn’t have to face him on my own.”

Taishi Ci was curious but was too loyal to his fellow officer to question either orders or deny such a request. He gave the strategist a tight bow before leading him to the stables. Whatever the reason was, he would have been more than happy to lend a hand to help. Lu Su merely hoped that it’d be enough to get through to Lü Meng before his quick temper got the better of him. After what he had witnessed today, he truly had no idea what to expect when they arrived at the stables… could he talk Lü Meng down? Would Taishi Ci be enough of a back up? He hoped so, as the idea of having to roll back his sleeves and get his dirty certainly wasn’t on his agenda today, but he could fit in it if it was necessary...


	20. Caught in the Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cao Ren's faith in Wu leaves Sima Yi's curious, and Lu Su and Taishi Ci confront an angry Lü Meng in the stables...

Rain came down in unrelenting sheets all across the Jing Province now though it was hardly just the weather that kept the inhabitants of Fan Castle in foul spirits. The siege had been long and brutal for those that sought refuge in its walls, and while the walls continued to hold out and the officers of Wei remained vigilant, it was clear that their morale would crumble, long before their defenses would, and the rain only continued to add to that misery. 

Cao Ren didn’t like how things were proceeding, though few could have ever guessed just by looking at him. Beneath that rock hard and sturdy armor was an even sturdier and experienced warrior, a boulder that had already weathered years of rain and storms, and yet still held true against abuse. One look at him and one would never have suspected him capable of even the most basic of human emotions such as anger or fear. He was a rock, and upon his shoulders was the defense of the strategically vital Fan Castle, and the lives of the men that resided within its walls and further north beyond it. The last line of defense between Guan Yu and their capital.

And yet, none could see how weathered this rock truly was. No, even if they had found a way to look beneath that heavy armor, could inspect every nook and cranny, they would never had suspected at all the very real, very human concerns that plagued Cao Ren’s mind as he looked over the landscape that existed beyond that castle’s walls, where men from both side laid dead, cold and left to rot until the righting had ceased and there stood a victor. Beyond the dead zone was the treacherous terrain, where Shu officer’s laid hidden, their hungry eyes set on their isolated prey and their strategists plotting the next move. Among that terrain were multiple disasters waiting to happen and Cao Ren was considering all of them, as well as a counter for each one.

No, only when one was brave enough to get close enough to look in his eyes did they see how grim the world within his mind was. Only then could they see and maybe even feel the heavy sense of dread that ate away, little by little, at the brawny warrior from within. There was a fear hidden within that man, but not a fear of the man that lead the assault against them, but fear for what would happen if he did not stop him. The fear that the men they lost here would have died in vain if they couldn’t repel their foe. The fear that he would have let his cousin down if he either retreated or fell in combat, as glorious as it may have been, here at Fan castle.

The wolves at the door, so to speak, were mere pups to the assault that would happen at Xuchang if he failed to stop them here. And Cao Ren only needed to take another sweep of the bodies that littered the ground outside the castle’s walls to help strengthen his resolve. 

Retreat was not an option. Death, also, was not an option.

“Lord Cao Ren,” said a calming voice from behind him, forcing his gaze from the cold and saturated battlefield to the strategist that approached him. Sima Yi’s eyes were as fiercely strong as his arm and betrayed nothing, only reflecting a scholar’s mind but never the thoughts themselves. Cao Ren could only imagine how many thoughts and ideas were brewing in that head of his, and how it wasn’t just him or his men’s perseverance that kept the famed ‘God of War’ and his army out of their castle walls. He gave him a respectful bow of the head and had said nothing, allowing for Sima Yi to speak his mind. He knew little about the man, but he knew enough to know he wasn’t here to waste time with small talk. No, the situation was far too dire for that. “I regret to inform you that our supplies are running dangerously low.”

It was grievous news indeed, but if Sima Yi was expecting a panicked response from Cao Ren, he would be left disappointed. Their morale was already dropping as it was and he managed to keep his nerves steady as he asked. “How much longer until we’re out?”

“With proper rationing, a week, perhaps. We could make use of the horses, though if we need to retreat, then that will hinder our progress considerably.”

Cao Ren hadn’t given the matter much thought. He should have been appalled at both the idea of eating their prized horses as well as fleeing, but the grim nature of their current situation left little for him to react to. He would simply hope that it would not come to that, but what good could hope do in place of action? It was a constant battle and one that Sima Yi was all too eager to throw more kindle into that fire. “Also, Mount Dingjun is lost, along with it Lord Xiahou Yuan,” And, when he felt that it was appropriate, he added in softly. “My sincerest apologies for your loss, Lord Cao Ren.”

How much had Cao Ren already endured? How much more would he have to endure? News of the loss of Mount Dingjun and thus the entire region of Hanzhong would have crushed any commander, but news of the loss of one of their most respected generals, his cousin… it was a powerful blow and it had almost chipped the rock, but it only grazed it, leaving nothing more than sparks that fizzled moments later. If one blinked, they simply missed it. “I had figured so. Guan Yu must have caught word and has been riding on the momentum their gained. A wise decision, on his part.”

What he didn’t say, though, was that he truly held no anger in his heart for Guan Yu. He could see the benefits in his now near relentless assault and the scale of the moral had never been more skewed in their favor than it was now. Guan Yu was doing what any good commander would and thus the blame could only fall on himself for not doing more to combat it. Instead of taking the fight out to Guan Yu, he heeded Sima Yi’s advice and his own instincts and remained on a strict defensive. Kill that momentum with a solid, impenetrable wall, though now he was beginning to ponder the wisdom in that decision. 

“What else?”

Sima Yi had been waiting for a chance to speak up and once given permission, he would let nothing left unsaid. When lives were on the line, there was little good that came in refraining, he found. “Wu’s occupation of the Jing Province is all but guaranteed. Shu’s supply line has been cut off without their knowledge. It is likely that they will not notice until it is too late to send a unit to inspect the cause.”

The smallest of burdens was lifted from his shoulders and it was enough to allow him to smile briefly. This boded well for them, he reminded himself, and ever the perspective one, Sima Yi could see his expression and was quick to drop the other shoe. “However, there has been no movement on their end. They could simply be waiting to get the last arrangements in order, or-”

“They will not abandon us,” Cao Ren said with not a single shred of doubt to be found either in his voice or his strong gaze, surprisingly Sima Yi with his resolve. The strategist dared not speak and allowed Cao Ren to carry on, curious as to just why he was so confident in their allies. He waited for an explanation, though it wasn’t as quick as his immediate defense of them. While he was slow to explain himself, there was no hesitation in his voice, nor his form. “Their current Chief-Commander will not go back on his word and I know for certain that he will not abandon his own pursuit of Guan Yu.”

Sima Yi scoffed, the first sign of genuine emotion and perhaps an open window to his mind, the first any here had seen or would ever get to see. A small crack, but an opening nevertheless. How dire was the situation truly that the shrewd strategist allowed his heavy guard to drop? And what for? “All they desired from our alliance was the Jing Province and now it is well within their hands. There is no guarantee that their lord will not simply see Guan Yu’s momentum and simply leave us under siege, or even join in with the assault. It would be advantageous for them to do so.”

“But they will not.” Again, Cao Ren was quick to take Wu’s defense, though Sima Yi wasn’t too surprised. Cao Ren was a master of the defense and so Sima Yi knew that it would take much effort to ever cause him to falter from his stance. Again, Sima Yi waited for a deeper explanation and again, the steadfast cousin of Cao Cao fell back on his original statement, as it that was enough. “I know Lord Lü Meng. He’s not going to allow himself or his lord to simply allow Guan Yu to live. Once everything is in order, he will mobilize his army.”

“You sound so certain.” Sima Yi, for as intelligent as he was, simply could not take comfort in Cao Ren’s words, as bold and unwavering as they may be. He shook his head, taking advantage of their solitude as he said, “Why hold so much faith when you can clearly see how poorly it is being rewarded? Their current Chief-Commander has no reason to assist you, given your history.”

History, Cao Ren thought to himself, uncertain of his own emotions right now and thus deciding to remain at a carefully contained neutral. Sima Yi was correct and he could not deny this. If there was time, he would have loved to reminisce such encounters. Perhaps he could have used those stories to persuade not just Sima Yi but the rest of their forces of why his faith in Wu’s Chief-Commander was so strong. But there was no time. He could tell that Guan Yu was preparing for the next assault and that he would have to prepare his men. He wanted more time, but he couldn’t waste it here. Not on this. “Lord Lü Meng will not go back on his word. I’m willing to stake my life on it. But if you require proof, then you are welcomed to visit my personal quarters at your earliest convenience. I know for certain that he will aid us when the time is right.”

And with such a bold statement, Cao Ren took his leave, paying him the proper respects and leaving the strategist to his own devices. Sima Yi’s bow was merely an automation and purely rehearsed, as his mind was a million places at once, though never once getting lost. Cao Ren knew that he could not convince him with words and thus invited actions, making the young strategist’s admiration for him grow, as well as his own curiosity. “Now, what could Lord Cao Ren have in his personal quarters that would ensure Wu’s continued loyalty?”

He honestly had no idea, but he had every intention of finding out. What better time than now to see what waited in Cao Ren’s quarters…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

By the time Lu Su and Taishi Ci found Lü Meng, he had already saddled Ying and was well on his way leading the horse away from the stables, and with the way the stable hand all be kept his distance warned them that he had made quite a scene in doing so. Both men were quick to try and stop him and for their efforts, they received an impatient huff from the grey stallion and his even angrier owner. “And where are you going?”

Lü Meng may have been shorter than the two of them but the intensity of his glare more than made up for whatever he lacked in height. “Anywhere but here, since it’s clear I don’t belong. Home, or maybe with the rest of my unit, since I’ve been neglecting them both for no reason for far too long.”

Taishi Ci said nothing and it was clearly for the best, having not known the catalyst that lead up to this, and Lu Su debated how best to approach the matter. On the one hand, he was completely sympathetic with Lü Meng’s well-justified anger. And on the other hand, he couldn’t just let him walk away, especially in this mood. Who knew who else he’d take his rage out on? The look of fear in the stable hand’s eyes already gave him enough of an indication that the table in Zhou Yu’s study quarters wasn’t his only victim today. “I understand your frustration, more than you’ll ever know, but you need to calm down, and cut it out with the dramatics. You’ll only be hurting yourself.”

He had chosen his words with care but Lü Meng was simply inconsolable and the low grunt from Ying warned them that he would likely be making a break for it, regardless if either man was in his way or not. “Dramatic? Dramatic? I have every right to be! How much time have I already wasted-”

“None, as of yet.” Lu Su cut him off, realizing his mistake and seeking to remedy it before Lü Meng could get any further out of control. Apparently, he needed a tight leash! “It’ll only be considered a waste if you give up on your studies and run away from this. You’re already made considerable progress and you’d be doing yourself a great disservice to give up on this now.”

Lü Meng’s anger was deflected but it was temporary at best. He was quick to belittle the comment and immediately blew it off, though Lu Su could hardly blame him for his suspicions given what he had witnessed as far as Zhou Yu’s training went. “You don’t mean any of that. You’re only saying that for Lord Zhou Yu’s sake so that I’ll go back.”

“The fact that you’re quick to come to that conclusion tells me that you’ve progressed some, and you even know that, don’t you?”

“I know enough now to know when I’m being played,” Lü Meng said with a sneer, his ire still present but sated ever so slightly. His hands remained balled fists but his shoulders weren’t quite so tense, and he shot a fierce glare back towards where Zhou Yu’s study quarters stood. Lu Su would have felt his resentment and the depth of it to be a little severe, yet he suspected that what he had seen today was only a taste of what Lü Meng had already endured. “And I’ve had my fill of being made a fool of, and what for, besides his entertainment?”

“Now that’s enough! Whatever the reason may be for Lord Zhou Yu’s taking you in and pushing you so hard, I can promise it is not for his personal entertainment.” Lu Su could sympathize with Lü Meng, truly he could, but he would not allow such a thought to fester, nor would he permit such slanger. The sharpness of his voice was meant to silence Lü Meng and it worked wonderfully, allowing Lu Su to explain himself in a calmer voice, hoping to push some of that onto him. “Now, you claim he has played you? Explain it to me, and calmly.”

Lü Meng’s brow furrowed deeper and enticed a chime from Taishi Ci. “Please. You’ll distress the horses.”

“There was nothing wrong with those rewrites. Not with that one, or the one before that, or the one before that.” Lü Meng waited a few moments before speaking up, as he was trying his level best to calm himself, with some measure of success. Lu Su wasn’t too surprised to hear Lü Meng confess such a thing, as Zhou Yu had at least confirmed that much. “They were done exactly how he asked, and yet he keeps demanding I write them again. What? What for, if not to toy with me?”

It was a tough predicament for Lu Su to be in, but Zhou Yu had all but abandoned him with this, and as thus, he would have to handle it in his own way. He just hoped that his method wouldn’t further push him off the edge, though having Taishi Ci there did inspire some confidence. “And you’d be right. There was nothing wrong with your rewrite.”

“I knew it!”

“But allow me to explain,” said Lu Su, cutting him off before he could go on a tangent. “You’ve been writing them correctly for some time now, however, he was testing to see how well you knew your own work and to give you a chance to defend your work. Your strategy may be sound, maybe even perfect for the occasion, but you have to have enough confidence in yourself to sell it to your lord and any naysayers, without resorting to violence.”

He feared he was undermining Zhou Yu’s efforts and that Lü Meng would only focus on the fact that he was tricked into rewriting the Art of War repeatedly that he would ignore all logic behind the method. But again, he was reminded of just how little he truly knew Lü Meng. The strong edges that accented his scowl began to fade, though he remained sour (not that Lu Su could blame him). He was listening and even more so than that, he was absorbing it, and while resentment was still present in his voice, it wasn’t nearly as heavy and venomous. “And so the error lies with me. I knew that they were correct, but I didn’t know how to prove it to him.”

“The fact that you were able to see he was leading you on is a rapid improvement, considering you couldn’t even read what you have slowly been trying to master all this time.” Lu Su wasn’t too prideful to be ashamed to admit that much, despite his earlier prejudices against this man, and he figured that Lü Meng had endured enough humiliation as of late that he could spare him a few encouraging remarks to him. When that didn’t seem to lift Lü Meng’s spirits, he tried a different approach. “Not to mention the way you handled Gan Ning back there. It was a little rough in the setup, considering Zhou Yu and I had to give you a little push, but your use of diplomacy over violence and finding the verbal loophole were definitely the works of a strategist in the making.”

Coming from Lu Su, it was the best kind of compliment he could ever give, and the damnest part was that he was being sincere. Earlier in the day, his own opinion of Lü Meng was unsavory, and yet how quickly it had changed. Would Lü Meng see the sincerity of his words or had Zhou Yu bred too much doubt and distrust in him? He could see the suspicion in his eyes but it didn’t last long; perhaps after dealing with Zhou Yu’s method for weeks on end made him desperate for any act of kindness, whether he suspect it to be sincere or not. Who knew? Lu Su, admittedly, did not know Lü Meng enough to be able to predict his response, and on some level, that worried him. 

“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting,” Lü Meng had said, and with it being said, he let out a defeated sigh, completely contradicting the supposed victory he had achieved this day. He had understood the lesson and still, he looked only at the failure, and Lu Su could feel despair gnawing at his heart as he shook his head and sought to move past them once more.

“So, that’s it?” Lu Su asked, remaining firmly in place and not showing any notion of moving, even when Lü Meng’s moody horse gave a warning grunt. “You’re just going to throw away all of the time and effort?”

“Looks like it,” Lü Meng said, his tone so bitter it’d make the surliest of men want to pucker.

“But you’ve learned and grown much!” Now it was Taishi Ci’s turn to chime in, determined not to just linger in the background any longer. He had not been privy to all that happened but few could deny his wisdom. Except Lü Meng, as he merely cast him a disinterested look and nothing more. “You’ve come so far. You cannot just abandon your path now.”

“But it isn’t my path.” Lü Meng immediately countered. “It’s a path that Lord Zhou Yu put me on, though why I don’t know or care to know. As far as what our lord wanted from me, I’ve succeeded. Anything else and I’m just appeasing whatever whim Lord Zhou Yu felt at the time he took me in. Pardon me, but I won’t be his dancing monkey anymore.”

His curt motion for them to move aside was more of a warning than a general request and both men knew it. Taishi Ci held his ground, and so did Lu Su, as he shook his head and did not bother to hide his disdain. “So that’s that. You’ll cripple yourself willingly with thriving for the bare minimum just because you truly believe Lord Zhou Yu only took you in on a whim.”

“Well, he’s certainly got his fill of entertainment out of me.” Lü Meng knew he was speaking out of turn and that his actions weren’t the most admirable, but he had been pushed to his limits and there was no coming back, at least, not right now. He knew he shouldn’t have taken his aggression out on Lu Su or Taishi Ci as neither one deserved it, and it was this that finally made him concede from his wrath. He let out a gruff sigh and made a conscious effort to uncurl the fist that wasn’t holding on to the reins, as his intentions to leave was still abundantly clear to them. “I’m not a strategist, no matter how much Lord Zhou Yu might fancy me to be one. I wouldn’t want to waste anymore of his time or mine on his inability to accept that this,” he said, waving a hand and motioning to himself. “Is all that I am and all I will ever be. I’ll send him money to replace his table, as well as a formal written apology.”

And as far as Lü Meng was concerned, he was finished. Neither man had tried to stop him when he firmly pushed his way past them, and once he was cleared from the stables, he pulled himself onto the saddle and was running off with only the gentlest of prodding. Nothing was said for awhile and it wasn’t until Lü Meng had reached the road that Taishi Ci spoke up. “What happened to Lord Zhou Yu’s table?”

Despite the tension, or perhaps because of it, Lu Su couldn’t help but allow his grin to be seen, penetrating the scowl that had embedded itself into his face. “He broke it. He’s got quite a temper on him. So now what am I going to do with him?”

The warrior’s eyes widened but otherwise he did not seem too disturbed by the news. If anything, there was an aura of understanding that encompassed him and ever helpful, ever practical, Taishi Ci offered his advice as he moved to retrieve his own horse. “Allow me to see to him, Lord Lu Su. I may not be able to offer him much, but I have a hunch on how to reach him.”

Initially, Lu Su felt compelled to talk him out of it and he had an arsenal of reasons. Lü Meng wasn’t Taishi Ci’s responsibility, nor was he Lu Su’s, for that matter, and if anyone should have had to deal with him, it should have been Zhou Yu. And he had already cleaned his hands of the matter for today, so truly, what obligation should the two of them have? Add to that his own guilt that he knew Zhou Yu was more or less manipulating the officer for his own needs, whatever they truly were, and now that they were caught in the act, it would have been difficult, if not impossible to lure Lü Meng back over. He did not want such a burden thrown onto Taishi Ci’s shoulders and yet, it seemed like a better solution than either him or Zhou Yu trying to talk to him. While curious why Taishi Ci was so willing to help crossed his mind but he chose to let it go. The more time he wasted here mincing thoughts, the further away their temperamental officer got and more work for the general that volunteered to help. “Do as you will, Lord Taishi Ci. I’m sorry you got dragged into our mess but I appreciate your help nevertheless.”

“It’s no problem at all.”

And in what felt like in record-breaking time, Taishi Ci saddled his own horse and was in pursuit. As ashamed as he was to admit it, Lu Su was grateful to have a reprise from the situation. In a way, he was tickled at the thought that someone, anyone, had put Zhou Yu in his place, albeit temporary as it may have been, though he never thought it’d be Lü Meng of all people. “Perhaps I should do some homework of my own. If Taishi Ci succeeds and Lü Meng returns to his studies, I wouldn’t want to be caught with my britches down again.”

It was settled then and he dug through his extensive memory to find where Lü Meng’s family resided, as well as what gifts would have been appropriate to bring. It couldn’t hurt to get to know him a little better, right?

~*~*~

Taishi Ci wasn’t a fan of pushing his horse so but he knew Ying to be a fast horse and if Lü Meng’s temper caused him to destroy a table and terrorize a poor stable hand, then he’d undoubtedly would push his own horse and wouldn’t allow him to slow down, not even for a second. What he also knew about Lü Meng’s volatile horse was that his endurance left a little to be desired and this was probably how he was able to catch up with Lü Meng after only a few minutes of riding. How angry and focused was he to not notice Taishi Ci was upon him until he was running neck and neck with him?

“Follow me to the river bank, Lü Meng.”

Lü Meng flashed him a startled look but it was short lived, eventually and quickly fading into his usual scowl. “I’m not going back!”

“And I’m not asking you to.” Taishi Ci reminded him. He spoke loudly but never yelling, his voice carrying over the thundering hooves with relative ease. “You’re far too angry and you need to release it before you take it out on another innocent. Now to the river. Follow me.”

And without giving him a chance to snap back or argue, he encouraged his his horse to overtake Ying and sped by him, veering off the road and galloping towards his desired destination. He only caught a glimpse of Lü Meng’s bewildered expression and he knew he’d follow. Ying balked, as seconds later, his master pulled at his reins to guide him off course, chasing after Taishi Ci’s bay as if he was directly challenged.

Lü Meng knew he was being baited and after the realization that he was nothing more than a source of entertainment for Zhou Yu, he had half a mind to ignore Taishi Ci and continued on his own way. But he also knew that Taishi Ci was right, and he suspected he meant well. Like Lu Su, he was curious as to why he was even wasting his time with him, but he figured he’d beat it out of him when they reached the the river bank. So long as he wouldn’t try to convince him to go back, he told himself. He was done with that and nothing short of orders from Lord Quan himself could get him to go back!


	21. A Meng of Wu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng must test his might against Taishi Ci, as his comrades test barriers...

There was a natural beauty to all of the rivers in their kingdom, though few could compare to the Yangtze. The spot that Taishi Ci picked out was well maintained, despite being a whole li away from any of the ports and it was clear to any passerby that it was properly taken care of for training purposes. The long weeds were trimmed to a perfect circle and within that circle were various training equipment, all of which Lü Meng was familiar with. Marked haystacks for archery, well used sparring dummies, a rack of wooden weapons of various shapes and sizes. For any that chose the martial arts, it was more or less a haven, and in the face of all of his rage, Lü Meng could not help but look on with a sense of homecoming. This was where he belonged, he told himself. Not cooped up inside a prison masked as a study quarters, surrounded by scrolls and ink!

Lü Meng followed Taishi Ci’s example, dismounting his horse and removing Ying’s bridge and bite so that he could graze. Content to be away from all of the stress, the horse shook his salt-and-pepper mane and trotted around, leaving his master be with his fellow officer though never straying too far, as Ying had a want to do.

“We’re going to relieve this pent up anger in you,” Taishi Ci said, drawing Lü Meng’s attention back to him with little effort. He popped the latches on his armor and began to set them down, orderly and carefully as to not dirty them. He flashed Lü Meng a look and moments later, he did the same, though there wasn’t much armor to set aside. His ‘training’ left little reason for him to carry it and yet he always managed to get a leather chest plate on under his robes. Perhaps it was habit that made him wear it, even knowing he would have no use for it, or maybe he was downright stubborn and refused to accept that Zhou Yu’s direction was his own. His natural scowl only deepened at the thought of him and Taishi Ci caught it. “You’re holding too much anger in your form. It’s clouding your mind and judgement right now. You should never make decisions when you’re influenced by such negative emotions.”

“You think I want out of Zhou Yu’s training because I’m mad?” Lü Meng felt vexed, to see his dilemma belittled like this, and he recognized the stance that the general now took. Legs spread apart, back arched and shoulders straight, and once he rose his balled fists, he didn’t need to say a word as to how he planned on helping him relieve his tension. Lü Meng was skeptical, to think a simple spar would miraculously cure him of his rage, but he recognized it as an outlet and he desperately needed one right now. “My current mood has nothing to do with it.”

“I don’t believe you, not for a second. But enough for now. Make the first move.”

It was an open invitation and Lü Meng was quick to oblige. He held no anger against Taishi Ci, not now or ever, really. Even when they were on opposing sides, there was never any hatred there. Simply a bodyguard-turned-soldier that periodically got in the way of Taishi Ci’s attempts at his late lord’s life. He held no grudge or resentment to this man, but that didn’t mean he’d hold back! He struck hard and fast, only to have Taishi Ci block and counter, and the spar begun.

Few ever fought against the warriors named Taishi Ci and could boast dueling him to a draw. Lü Meng wished he could have claimed such a feat but he never had the opportunity. He was always chased away by his lord or forced away from the fight, and now seemed like just a good a time as any to catch up on that missed opportunity without the fear of death being the result. Regardless of not holding a grudge against Taishi Ci, he needed and outlet and knew that the man was going him a favor. Blow after blow was either blocked or turned into a counter, keeping Lü Meng alert and on his toes. For a few brief moments, his turmoil disappeared, fading away beneath the desire to catch his opponent off guard, to block and defend when he pressed the offensive, to just… fight, without the consequence of death, fear of defeat. Without being someone else’s pawn. 

It was bliss, but it was also short lived. “You shouldn’t give up on your studies, Lü Meng.”

“Isn’t it my decision in the end?” Lü Meng was well aware of Taishi Ci’s ulterior motive and had suspected it, even as he had followed after him. He was more surprised that he had waited so long to bring it up, but ultimately it didn't matter, did it? It seemed inevitable that the topic would come up, so might as well address it now. He spoke as they sparred, not at all distracted either of them enough to slow them down. “If our lord orders me to continue, then I’ll obey. But until then, I’m done with it.”

“Yes, you were always loyal to the Sun family, to a fault even. There was never a question of that,” Taishi Ci said, his smile sincere though it did not offer Lü Meng the solace he was hoping for. If anything, the officer was quick to dismiss it and said nothing, only switching to a more offensive approach through Taishi Ci didn’t give him an opening. “As admirable as that is, you shouldn't wait for Lord Sun Quan’s order. You should want this for yourself.”

Lü Meng sneered, equally frustrated that he couldn’t find an opening as well as the warrior’s lecture. He pressed onward, however, ever aware of Taishi Ci’s stance and knowing that he could switch gears at any second. “Well, I don’t.”

As anticipated, Taishi Ci altered tactics and he chose to dodge instead of block, forcing Lü Meng to step forward from the momentum of his strike and he didn’t see the fist coming in from his right side until it was nearly on him. He just barely managed to throw his forearm to block and had no time to brace himself for the strike, the impact rattling his bones harmlessly but forcing him to step away to avoid the follow up. The mishap left them at a momentary draw and Taishi Ci took advantage of it to question him. “And why is that?”

“You know why.”

“You assume too much. I don’t know what went on, but I can see the results of it.” Taishi Ci was relentless, much to Lü Meng’s dismay, but he at least gave him a chance to catch his breath before signalling him to raise his fists once more. Lü Meng did so and more, throwing himself at his opponent and once again the fight commenced. Despite Lü Meng’s now near unabating assault, the older warrior continued to lecture him and block each and every one of his strikes. “What’s the cause of your anger, Lü Meng? Is it the time spent cooped up? Is it the time spent away from your duties, or your family? Is it with his methods, or even Lord Zhou Yu himself?”

All the while, Lü Meng chose not to answer, instead focusing his attention on keeping up with his offensive. He kept pressing on, like Ling Cao might have, given Taishi Ci no opening or chance to swap from defensive and allowing his words to fuel him. He was correct on all accounts, but he’d never confess to them. And yet, regardless of his approach, regardless of his determination to use Taishi Ci words as kindle to his fire, he could not find that opening for himself and Taishi Ci would not stop pressing him for answers! All of this caused a worm of despair to wriggle its way through his heart and it was beginning to reflect in his performance. “Or perhaps it’s more than that?”

“It’s all of it, now just shut up and fight!”

He shouldn’t have done that. He knew that Taishi Ci was trying to help him in his own way, even though he didn’t really want it. He also knew that he outranked him and could easily remind him in a painful way. But not once did anger accent the warrior’s chiseled features, though he managed to catch Lü Meng’s fist and held it in place. Not willing to give up his offensive just yet, he tried to strike with the other fist, but not dice. With reflexes that would have stunned anyone watching, he caught that one and now held Lü Meng in place, despite how he yanked and pulled to break the stalemate. Lü Meng let out a frustrated grunt as Taishi Ci assaulted him with words while his defenses were down. “You want to know what I think? I think the one you are the most angry with is not at the situation or Lord Zhou Yu, but in yourself. Because you feel you haven’t learned enough. I think that’s why you’re running away from this.” 

This sent Lü Meng reeling and he began to push against Taishi Ci’s hold instead of pull away. Was he right? Was that it? He shook his head and pressed on, this time kicking his leg forward and attempting to hook the larger man’s leg. He caught a grip but Taishi Ci was just too sturdy and would not yield. The failed attempt caused Lü Meng’s own balance to falter and it took little effort for Taishi Ci to twist his opponent about, crossing his own arms over his chest and neck and locking him into a harmless but effective headlock. He wriggled and tried to resist but it was no use. He was stuck there, and no, he certainly didn’t like it! What Taishi Ci wanted out of him was obvious but he refused to oblige. He wanted him to either confirm or deny the accusation, and thus he chose silence. “Take a moment and think, Lü Meng. You’re not fooling anyone. He know you’re far more intelligent that you’ve been letting on.”

“Don’t patronize me!” Lü Meng snapped, nearly choking himself trying to pull out of the hold but giving up that method when he swore he could see little dots out of the corners of his vision. Taishi Ci slacked on the hold but didn’t let go. “Whatever I’ve learn from this ‘experiment’ just isn’t enough! I’m not a strategist, nor will I ever be.”

“No, you haven’t learned enough and you’re not a strategist. Not yet. Giving up now would certainly ensure that you’ll remain stuck at this stage. Tell me, do you want to remain trapped here, on the side of the mountain, when the peak is within your grasp?”

It was certainly an intriguing way of putting it, Lü Meng readily admitted, and it was so profound that for a moment, he wanted to believe him. Was he really so close? His fight had lessened significantly after that was dropped on him and Taishi Ci took full advantage of that, softening his tone as well as his grip, yet still holding firm. “You are so focused on gazing upon the climb that you don’t see how far up you’ve come nor how much further you need to go. It’s alright to look down, but only to acknowledge your progress. Look for the milestones, use them as proof of how far you’ve come, not just to others but to yourself as well. Look away from your work every once and awhile, and admire the view.”

By now, Taishi Ci had all but slacked on his grip entirely, and though he was freed Lü Meng didn’t move. He absorbed the warrior’s words and pondered the wisdom in them. Taishi Ci’s resolve was so powerful, so fierce, that for a few brief moments, Lü Meng wanted to believe it. The warrior took his silence as a means to continue, his voice dropping in volume but not once losing its resolve. “If you don’t believe me, then allow me to demonstrate. Move swift as the Wind, closely-formed as the Wood...”

Lü Meng replied, without even thinking. “Attack like the Fire and be still as the Mountain.”

“Perfect.” And without warning, Taishi Ci finally released him and took a few steps back, giving his opponent a chance to breathe and stretch his arms. He saw the amazed look on his face when he turned to face him and did not mock or tease as Zhou Yu undoubtedly would have. He suspected he had endured enough of that already and it was not in his nature to kick an opponent while they were down. “Now another. When the enemy is relaxed…”

“Make him toil. When full, starve them. When settled, make them move.” Again, Lü Meng surprised himself and tried as he might he could not stop the unfamiliar sense of pride from swelling from within. Suddenly, it had all made such perfect sense and he found himself babbling on, ashamed by his lack of control but unable to stop himself. “I’ve written the damn thing so many times that I must have memorized it. Was that Lord Zhou Yu’s goal? Is that why he had me rewrite it so many times?”

“I would imagine so. Admittedly I’ve never trained under him, so I am not entirely familiar with his methods, but I suspect that would have been the case, seeing the results of it.” Taishi Ci would not lie to Lü Meng, nor would he lead him on. He was just too honest of a man and while that worried him, it was something that Lord Zhou Yu and Lu Su would have to address. “Let me ask a question. When did you stop reading off of the original material during your rewrite sessions?”

Lü Meng gave the question serious thought and answered truthfully. “ I… don’t remember when, exactly. But if I could rewrite it again, without the original work in front of me, maybe that would convince him that I was correct?”

“It would certainly be a good start, I would think. He’s shrewd and if that was his ultimate goal, then that’s likely the route he’ll want you to take to prove yourself to him.” Ever helpful, Taishi Ci offered his advice and then gave him another verse, his eyes betraying him. “Rouse him, and learn the principle of his character.”

Lü Meng narrowed his eyes and shook his head, falling right into Taishi Ci’s trap and not knowing until he was midway through the statement. “No. His activity or inactivity, not character. Force him to reveal himself, so as to find out his vulnerable spots.”

“See, you know more than you thought and still, though there’s still a ways to go, it doesn’t take away from the progress you have made.” Pleased with the outcome, Taishi Ci bowed to Lü Meng, showing his respect and sending conflicting emotions through the other man, though that wasn’t entirely his intention. It was such a foreign thing for him to be acknowledged for his efforts and not simply shut down. And yet, he couldn’t fault Zhou Yu for his method, as it seemed to be working to some extent.

“So it would seem.” Finally, Lü Meng conceded on that front, but he still felt lost and while his anger wasn’t as fierce a flame as it was before, it remained alight, deep within his chest, though tiny and struggling against the sudden frigid winds of self-doubt. When Taishi Ci sent him a questioning look, he tried to find the words in which to address him, but they weren’t easy to find. “But… now what? Where do I go from here?”

“You return to your studies.” Taishi Ci spoke in a manner that made it seem like the answer was so obvious, and yet he wasn’t mocking in its delivery. “Go back to Lord Zhou Yu and prove to him as you just did to me, and continue down the path to better yourself.”

It seemed so simple but thanks to weeks spent as Zhou Yu’s pupil, Lü Meng was suspicious of simple. “And what if it’s not enough? What if he chooses not to take me back?”

“Then find your own path. Continue your studies, either with a new teacher or on your own,” said Taishi Ci, his voice nothing short of encouraging. It was akin to a proud parent bird that nudged its fledgling to take its first flight. Lü Meng did appreciate the sentiment and wisdom in it, but he simply lacked faith in himself. He learned a great deal and even he had to admit it, but was it enough to try on his own? If Zhou Yu could not forgive the slight against him and the destruction of his table, would he have enough to travel down that path on his own? Taishi Ci seemed to think so and he tried to siphon that courage and faith that his fellow officer seemed to have an abundance of. “You’re still finding yourself, Lü Meng, and there is no shame in that. You have the benefit of reaching this crisis during a time of peace, a luxury that many in our field do not often get. Take this time to find yourself, and go from there.”

Sage advice and Lü Meng could feel relief sweep over him, though exactly why he wasn’t sure. Perhaps just having someone to spar with and talk with that would not demean him was enough and the doubt he held in his heart was not nearly as potent as before. Still, he had more questions and he would not be silenced. “And what if I decide it’s not for me, even after I find myself? Then what?”

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting and he braced himself for a flurry of words, but the warrior merely shook his head and replied with profound calm. “Then it will at least be your decision and not that of your emotions. Only you can determine how high you wish to climb, just never forget how far you’ve come and never allow yourself to lose your place.”

“Thank you, Master Taishi Ci,” Lü Meng said after a few moments of soul-searching silence, his sincerity genuine even if Taishi Ci could never truly know the depths of it. Perhaps it was too soon to have used such a moniker for the warrior, but he had learned so much from him and anything else would have felt insignificant in expressing how much he had done for him.

And Taishi Ci understood and accepted his appreciation, returning his bow in kind. “You’re welcomed here anytime. I wish you well on your journey, wherever it may lead you.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lü Meng recognized that look of disappointment in Zuo Ci’s eyes and in all honesty he was genuinely surprised to see it. What could have caused such an expression, he pondered, and he had no intentions of being let in the dark for long. “What’s that look for?”

Zuo Ci’s expression altered slightly but it was too late. What had been seen could not be unseen and Wu’s Chief-Commander was immediately suspicious. The mystic must have sensed the futility of denying any such thing, as he readily admitted to its cause. “Forgive me, I was merely expecting that to go… a slightly different route than it did, but it does not matter. I can imagine his wisdom helped you significantly in making your decision, did it not?”

While curious what Zuo Ci had been ‘expecting’, he was quick to move on. He was certain it wasn’t just his imagination that the temperature just dropped and he grew restless. “He did. I never negged him to be the type to do so, but then again, I guess I didn’t really know him at all, did I?”

“An oversight that I’m sure you corrected in time.”

“Eventually. But how could I expect to know another truly when I didn’t even really know myself?” Lü Meng asked, rubbing his fingers against his garments despite his gloves he wore. What use were they if they did not keep his fingers warm? “After that, I decided to continue my studies. I figured that he was right and that since I came so far that I should continued, if for no one’s sake but my own. I devoted so much time to my studies after that, day and night. Ren made sure I slept and ate, though I don’t remember doing too much of that. I just had to get as much of it in before I dare return to Lord Zhou Yu to prove to him that I had been worth his time and effort thus far.”

“And what of that? Was he pleased with your progress?”

Lü Meng considered the question and was ashamed to admit that his response wasn’t nearly as quick as one would have been, given the confidence he had been speaking with previously. “I like to think so. I may have just been enough that I returned- Lord Zhou Yu likely suspected that I knew enough and that I simply needed to be convinced myself.”

“And then what of that?” Zuo Ci asked. “When would you be convinced it was enough?”

Again, Lü Meng was hesitant to give an immediate answer and had to consider it in depth. How much ridicule would he earn for admitting the truth? More importantly, why did he care if this mystic ridiculed him or not? Was his judgement any worse than his own experiences, in which he was forced to relive? “To me, it’s never enough. At first I was convinced that I’d only need to know enough. Enough to appease Lord Zhou Yu and Lord Quan. Enough for Master Lu Su to look at me as a worthy officer and not a joke. Enough to make my neglect to my men and my family worth it.

“But enough wasn’t enough, I found. Maybe not immediately, but any time I felt like I was ready to put aside my studies, there was something else to learn, something else to explore that I never thought about before. I’ve learned that you never really stop learning… though it took me entirely too long to learn that.”

“We all learn at different paces and perhaps some lessons are not meant to be learned until a certain threshold in life is met. It takes more than just reading scrolls and books- it takes experiences, good or ill, it takes successes and even failures so long as you are alive, you continue to grow and learn.”

“Wise words indeed,” Lü Meng said, conceding and finding himself in complete agreement with the mystic, despite his ill intentions towards him. Even now, he was learning something new, though it wasn’t enough. He had been looking for some manner of escape of this realm, but his opponent left fewer openings than Taishi Ci had. Magic was something he never even considered and he was beginning to regret that decision to not delve into any of that during his studies before. Eventually, this mystic would give him an opening and he would take it, he told himself. Until then, he simply had to oblige. “What about you? Have you learned enough about me to draw your own conclusions here?”

He took a chance and suspected it wouldn’t favor him in any way, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask, as Zuo Ci flashed him a dry smile. “Afraid not. There is still much that I do not know of you, so it would be unwise to make such a decision now. We haven’t even encountered those of which you are contesting these lands for. How can I be expected to make such a choice on your fate when I have not seen what it is that has led you to betray them? No, we shall continue. Do not rush this, Lü Meng. The world beyond this realm we share can wait.”

Something in Lü Meng’s gut made it hard for him to believe that last tidbit but he chose to keep the thought to himself. He knew nothing of magic and there was no guarantee that all of this wasn’t just a distraction to keep him stationary or that time came to a halt beyond this realm. He was suspicious, and no amount of respect he may have acquired of Zuo Ci recently could suppress that fear that nagged at him. Reluctantly, he gave in and pressed the mystic to continue, all the while looking for some kind of breach in when to exploit between each memory. “Very well. Let’s continue. It was around this time where Lord Liu Bei and his men found their way into our territory anyway…”

~*~*~

“So, anyone want to explain what the hell is going on here?”

No one could really blame the former pirate for his outburst. In fact, more were surprised that he wasn’t as vulgar as they expected him to be. No, his reaction wasn’t tame, not by a long shot, but the fact that he wasn’t cursing up a storm left all present speechless, which only seemed to aggravate his hot wired temper. “Not everybody speak up at once. What the hell is all of this?”

Of those present, he expected at least two of them to have everything figured out, but neither Lu Xun nor Zhu Ran were quick to offer so much as a theory. Magic, whether real or merely an illusion, was neither one of their expertise and neither one was quick to readily admit this, though for different reasons. For Zhu Ran, it was for purely selfish reasons and it was that he didn’t wish to look any lesser of a strategist than the other. He knew it to be selfish, though his own concern for their Chief-Commander was helping to override even that. Still, he didn’t want to be the first to admit it and he glanced at the younger officer that had been studying the happening in silence, his own invitation for him to speak first. 

Lu Xun, on the other hand, cared little about Zhu Ran’s plight and did not care if he fell right into the archer’s hands by speaking up first. No, his concerns for his mentor was clear to see in his golden eyes but he was keeping a tight leash on his emotions. It would have been what Lü Meng would want out of his students, he felt. “It appears to be a spell of some sort, though exactly what I’m not sure.”

He could almost feel Zhu Ran wanting to make a snide comment but Gan Ning cut him off, not at all pleased with the answer he received. “Yes, but what -is- it? And what’s it doing to Ossan?”

None present could be angry with Gan Ning, nor with Ling Tong who had taken it upon himself to fetch him, but his yelling did not help matters in the least. Lu Xun had wanted to give him something more substantial to work with but the truth of the matter was that he honestly didn’t know. 

What they looked at was a circular wall of light, brilliant yet there was no heat radiating from it. What had powered it were five, slender tarot cards, floating just above the ground and how they were doing so or how they could emit light only compounded to the mystery in its own right. Within those connected pillars of light were two figures: the old man that Zhu Ran and Lu Xun recognized as the wandering mystic, and Lü Meng himself. Both were sitting apart from one another, cross legged and poised, and the eeriest part was that neither man moved so much a muscle. Neither blinked. Neither even seemed to be breathing. The light obscured them every so often but both men appeared frozen in that strangely matching seated position, like matching statues. Yes, it was enough to put anyone on edge, and even Gan Ning, the famed pirate of the Silken Sails, the proclaimed equal to Wei’s Zhang Liao, was disturbed by this.

Gan Ning reached for the light, despite Lu Xun’s warning, and he hissed when he felt ice shoot through his hand. It reached to his elbow before he was able to pull away and flexed his fingers, surprised that whatever he felt hadn’t left any outward marks of its bite. He was expecting pain, but he wasn’t expecting ice!

“You’re hands going to be numb for awhile,” Zhu Ran said, showing off his own hand as to demonstrate that he had tried the same tactic and with little success. “I saw everything. That old kook lured him into sitting down with him and the moment he lowered his weapon, these cards just emerged from the ground and made this barrier. I tried grabbing for him but, yeah, you can see how much good that did.”

“Did you try getting an arrow through?”

Ling Tong’s question was laced with snark and Zhu Ran replied back in kind. “I couldn’t feel my hand well enough to try.”

Ling Tong scowled but before they could escalate the matter further, Lu Xun chimed in, much like his now trapped mentor might have done if he were present. “How are your fingers feeling now?”

“Well enough to try.” He grabbed an arrow from his quiver and didn’t even bother with the wick, as the light drizzle was sure to dampen any efforts to keep it alight. He took aim at the mystic and held nothing back, pulling completely back and releasing it with a snap. Those that knew Zhu Ran’s skill knew that he seldom missed and those that knew the strategist was that he never held back, so when the arrow struck the frigid barrier and their target remained unscathed, they knew it was of no fault on his part. 

The barrier had been to blame though none had seen what happened to the arrow itself. Did it crumble from the rapid change in temperature or simply faded into non-existence? The fact that they were four witnesses to this feat and not a single one had been able to spot it only added to the peculiarness of the situation. Of those there, the one to make his opinion known first was Gan Ning and not a single one could laugh at his downright childish tantrum. “What the hell is going ON?”

“Gan Ning, don’t yell please,” Lu Xun said, sympathy present in his soft voice despite its borderline commanding tone. Zhu Ran and Gan Ning bristled at the fact that of all people, Lu Xun was more or less in charge at the moment, and if he had seen their irritation, he chose not to acknowledge it. “Remember we still have the mission to worry about. We can’t afford to distress the villagers and the less they realize how problematic this situation has become, the better.”

“Screw them! Who cares, when Lord Lü Meng’s trapped in that barrier?” Unable to hold his tongue, Zhu Ran lashed out. Unlike Gan Ning, though, his voice didn’t carry to the nearby village, but it didn’t soften its jagged edges in the least. Lu Xun was taken back by his aggression and now that he was given ground, he pressed the advantage, each word only adding a new level of discomfort to the already uncomfortable situation. “We can worry about calming the general populace down -after- we get him out of there, alright? Forget about them and start figuring out how we get past this barrier.”

“Yeah! You’re the smart one, aren’t you? Why haven’t you figured this out yet?”

Lu Xun flinched but he did not argue or fight back. Without Lü Meng there, there was no one to mediate the situation and it showed the most in how his apparent successor held himself. That left him to his own devices and his silence sent conflicting messages to the two aggressors. He either agreed with him to an extent, or he was too puff off by their blatant belligerence that he couldn’t think of a single comeback. From where Ling Tong stood, he felt the tension spiking from all of them and never once did he think he’d be playing the role of peacekeeper, as he took a defensive stance next to Lu Xun. “Alright, alright, we get it. We’re all worried about Lü Meng, but let’s not waste time bickering about it. It’s kind of hard to think with the both of you screaming your heads off at him, you know?”

It had turned their ire onto him but Ling Tong was hardly bothered by it. Whatever thanks he’d get from Lu Xun would likely wait until later, assuming there’d be one, but that, too, was like water off a duck’s back. He didn’t do it so much to help Lu Xun, but for the man trapped inside the mystic’s barrier, though he’d never admit it to anyone. While neither cared for his interruption, they did not fight back either, both too concerned about Lü Meng to press forward on their own officer now. Please, Ling Tong looked back at Lu Xun, as his gaze was now set firmly on the obstacle before them once more. “So, if anyone has any good ideas, let’s hear them. I can imagine this whole ordeal is rather inconvenient for our Chief-Commander.”

‘Inconvenient’ was hardly the word most would use for a situation like this, and yet while they knew Ling Tong enough to know that this was his way of lightening the mood and easing tensions, they could not deny the sliver of truth in that statement. Lü Meng would have found this to be extremely inconvenient. They all merely hoped that it was all that troubled him while trapped inside the barrier...


	22. Lead by Example, Not Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Wu confronts Huang Zu for the last time and Lü Meng does something really reckless but with good reason...

Chen Jiu was one of the two exceptions to Gan Ning’s report that everyone working under Huang Zu’s ranks were nothing more than spineless cowards that resorted to archers to keep safe during a fight.

Holding the rank of Chief Controller for Huang Zu’s army, he was a man of not just tremendous might, but highly skilled in one-on-one duels and mounted combat, making him a man to watch out for. When the Wu forces pressed onward, despite the arrows that rained down upon them, most of the men were quick to throw down their bows and flee, but their retreat was cut off, not by the approaching enemy, but by their own commander. All it had taken was a single order and all of the front line of Huang Zu’s army turned about face and were ready to face their approaching enemy.

It did not take long for the men of Wu to see why Chen Jiu’s presence was enough to turn the men around. Highly decorated and wielding a massive spear that was only half as menacing as his face, he lead the charge upon his midnight black steed and taking the fight to the enemy vanguard without a shred of fear in his form. 

It was enough to slow down their momentum significantly, and thus distress their lord. From where Lü Meng fought, he could tell that something bothered Lord Quan, though he feared he wouldn’t understand the true depth of it and amidst a battle was NOT the time to analysis this. He kept ordering their forces forward, despite the heavy resistance. There was something else at stake besides the need to see victory against his lord’s long standing foe and avenging the lives they had already lost here, and it fueled his own impatience right now. They could not proceed with the siege until Chen Jiu was defeated, but all who approached him were met with defeat.

It was clear as day that Chen Jiu had to die, and given the sudden sense of urgency, it was a question of who would be the one to claim his life. Officers were closing in and it seemed inevitable that one of them would get a blow in, but Chen Jiu stood strong and deflected each attack, and each failed pass only drove his own men to fight even harder, which made the Wu forces fight all the more difficult. Any longer and their morale would be crushed, and Lü Meng’s three years spent training under Zhou Yu taught him well enough, so he knew that morale to be crucial in gaining victory here. 

It was hard to think that Huang Zu could command such a loyal and daunting warrior, but this far, their own morale remained high, if barely. But for how long, Lü Meng wondered. He had every bit of faith that they would find victory this day, despite the heavy resistance that Chen Jiu and his men gave them. He was expected to find what the holdup was and find a solution for it, apparently, as Zhou Yu motioned for him to advance. 

In truth, he was happy to be given the order, though he did not find fault in Lord Zhou Yu’s decision to keep him close to him. He didn’t say it outright, but Lü Meng knew it to be a test. With Zhou Yu, anything could be a test and more times than not it was. It was just a matter of what he was suppose to learn from the test, and whether he passed or failed. Frustrating still, even after all he had learned, but it was a part of war.

What was harder than holding back, despite being part of the vanguard, wasn’t so much being denied the chance to ride out, but that it was easy to feel detached from the reality of the battle, to see how one’s comrades fared and to watch the flow of battle. It was safe (for the most part) but for someone that had fought on the fields, it was nerve wrecking! How the hell could Zhou Yu or anyone just stand to the back was just another mystery he would be expecting to solve at some point, he told himself. What had finally caused Zhou Yu to send him out was the concern for the secondary unit that made its way down the mountain pass. The main vanguard was nothing more than a distraction for their special-ops group to sneak through, but there were too many among the enemy ranks that remained poised and there was no question that their Chief Controller was to blame for that.

Sun Quan had taken note of this and assisted in his own way, his proclamation meant to be heard and ultimately what had caused Zhou Yu to give Lü Meng the signal to charge. “Ling Tong’s unit can’t move forward with his assault so long as that man lives! The reward for his head’s now doubled!”

And thus, those that were beginning to show doubt and even fear to Chen Jiu were more than willing to press onward, either the thought of assisting their secondary unit or the reward striking courage in their hearts. Lü Meng’s motivation was the very real concern as to what could happen to Ling Tong if the main vanguard did not make this final push. Years may have passed since Ling Cao had fallen, but the memory was still fresh in his mind. Not of his own pain, but that of the man’s son. In those years, he would see the young man, now an officer of a respectable rank, during drills and meetings but his time spent studying and dealing with his own growing family had kept the both of them apart and what little time they had was scarce, and, at least for Lü Meng, unfulfilled. Perhaps once Huang Zu was finally caught and put to death, Ling Tong would have some reprieve and the guilt that kept Lü Meng from checking on him more often would release him.

And yet, he knew it wouldn’t have been the case. It wasn’t Huang Zu that killed Ling Cao and soured their relationship between them. It was Gan Ning, a man whom joined their ranks and would jab the blade deeper and deeper with each word he uttered in the youth’s presence. And part of that guilt lied on Lü Meng’s shoulders, as he had been the one that sheltered their former enemy and presented him to their lord for employment. This guilt, matched with his studies and duties, had kept Lü Meng from seeking him out and in part he knew he had not been keeping his promise to Ling Cao. It wasn’t too late, he said to himself, pushing Ying forward and seeking a path to Chen Jiu. If he could not run to Ling Tong’s aid directly, then he could at least help him indirectly.

And that started with Chen Jiu’s quick and definitive defeat. It was easy to spot Huang Zu’s Chief Controller among the crowd, especially the steed he rode he rode atop left him in clear line of sight. Not the best position to be in for a man who now totted a fine bounty on his armored helm, but excellent for providing encouragement for his own troops. Not an entirely disadvantageous position for him but one that would not do him any favors.

Among the clamor of clashing spears and swords striking one another, it was amazing that he heard the jingling bells and it didn’t take long to spot the offender in the crowd. If there was ever any restraint in assaulting his former comrades, it didn’t reflect in his form in any way, not from where Lü Meng was riding in. His dao was soaked with blood and his moves were swift, deadly, as if the only mercy he would give them was the promise of a quick death. While Lü Meng was pleased to see that Gan Ning was faring well, he also noted that he had not made a single move against Chen Jiu and Lü Meng was quick that out as he pulled his horse to a halt next to him. He had an idea and he grasped onto it as he shouted over the battle around him. “Gan Ning, why haven’t you gone after their commander yet?”

“You’re kidding, right?” The former pirate spat, glancing at him over his shoulders and nothing more, before blocking an incoming soldier’s efforts to catch him off guard and running him through, the action causing Ying to grunt and fidget beneath his owner. His tone was downright mocking and Lü Meng had a feeling his attitude towards him wasn’t entirely due to the high tension bred from their current battle. “Any that’s gotten close to that guy were plucked like flies- like hell I’m going to rush into that! Let someone else die. I’m just here to fight!”

He couldn’t believe what he heard. He had never pegged Gan Ning to be the type to restrain himself and he felt his gut grow cold. He recalled their chat those three years ago and it almost cost him an injury. Like Gan Ning, he saw the danger approaching and swung his glaive upwards, disarming the soldier and kicking him back when he kept stumbling forward from the momentum. With that near disaster taken care of, he turned his attention back to Gan Ning. “You’re more than enough for him. Take him out, while he’s-”

“Do it yourself! I don’t take orders from whimpering strategist on their high horses!” 

But before he could even finish his sentence, Gan Ning shot him down, sneering in his general direction before charging at another target. Lü Meng wasn’t sure what his game was but he had no intention of playing it. Not here, not now, when Ling Tong’s well-being was at risk. With his original plan crumbling before his very eyes, Lü Meng let out a frustrated cry before pulling at his horse’s reins and kicking him into a galloping start. He didn’t see Gan Ning’s expression and he ignored his shout, allowing it to drown into the ambience of the battle going on around him. His thoughts whirled in his head and it was hard not to allow that growing rage he felt to fester. It wasn’t so much as Gan Ning’s deliberate disobedience that struck him so deep and even the fear for Ling Tong’s life that made him seethe. It was the notion that Gan Ning, that anyone, felt that he had lost his edge since he started his studies. This was yet another test, he reminded himself, but this time, the one to prove himself to wasn’t Zhou Yu but perhaps a tougher crowd. Oh, he was certain that Zhou Yu was watching and he may not have approved, but it did not slow him down his charge at all. Ying sensed his master’s enraged spirit and only ran faster, driven by whatever force that compelled him onward.

“A leader leads by example, not force,” Lü Meng said, his words threatened to be drowned out even to his own ears and despite the danger, despite the near stupid recklessness of it, he pushed onward, managing to avoid all obstacles, no doubt thanks to just how terrifying he must have looked to on-comers. His target was in sight, his glaive in position, and ready to strike! 

Chen Jiu was a formidable warrior in his own right and had he been aware of the pressure he was asserting on the Wu forces, he might have used it to his advantage. Had he known of the reward that Lord Sun Quan had placed on his head, he would have been more alert to the danger that was rapidly closing in on him. Had he seen the officer mounted atop the grey stallion that was executing a near perfect blitz in his direction, he would have turned his own horse around and gladly met him. But he had seen none of these. All he saw was his own men heeding his call, standing their ground against these invaders, and then nothing. He had heard the approaching horse but it was the last thing he heard before darkness fell upon him. What he could not see, and perhaps for the best should his ghost linger on this field, was how his head had plummeted to the ground long before his body slid off the saddle. The sound of Huang Zu’s great general’s armored body slamming against the earth startled his horse and it was its distressed balk and flight that alerted those nearby that Chen Jiu had fallen. 

Lü Meng knew he dealt a grievous blow but he did not stick around to observe or savor his successful pass. He continued his blitz and pressed on the offensive, taking full advantage of their confusion and hoping it was enough to give Ling Tong and his unit the opening they’d need. He wasn’t sure if Lord Zhou Yu would have agreed with such a method, but he could defend that stance later, once the battle was won and Ling Tong was safe.

~*~*~

Huang Zu might have had years on his rival, but he had showed little fear or reserve. He had beaten back the young Sun whelp enough times to where he found no fear in his heart when he amassed another invasion. What did he truly have to fear, when not even Gan Ning and the heavy armor they used in the past hadn’t been enough to defeat him?

Perhaps it was conceited of him to express such apathy when news of Wu’s advance reached him, but any reservation he held was dismissed when Chen Jiu took to the field. He was everything that lazy, murderous scum Gan Ning wasn’t: loyal, competent, hard-working. So long as Chen Jiu lead his men, then there was nothing to fear from the little Sun cub.

So, it was entirely understandable that the sight of his commander’s fall had struck a chord of fear into his aged heart and already thoughts of retreat jumped to his mind.

How could he had fallen so quickly? Who had even done it? He didn’t even see who had struck him down! Whomever it was, he struck quickly and kept going onward- a familiar tactic that caused even a veteran like Huang Zu to break into a cold sweat. So much like that warrior that charged onward, relentlessly bypassing all obstacles, pushing, chasing, pursuing him until he was struck down by a stroke of luck. Had he returned? Would he pursue him through death?

For Huang Zu, there was only one answer. Retreat! But there was no time. Before he could even give the order to his men stationed in the fortress with him, a soldier came running in, his cry more frantic and pressing than the brewing disaster outside if only for the news he brought with him. “Intruders! Intruders in the fortress! They came from the mount-”

He could say no more as an arrow found its mark into his shoulder. He collapsed from the force and any order that Huang Zu was going to try and establish erupted into full blown chaos. The soldier’s cry was the catalyst for the hell that exploded around him and Huang Zu chose to flee without a word. What good were orders now? If they didn’t know to abandon the fortress then that would be their problem!

The threat of impending death had a way of offering one clarity, even if it came too late. Only when he was fleeing to the stables did he find himself appreciating the men under Sun Quan’s command, as Zhou Yu’s strategy was undoubtedly successful. To distract them with such a massive vanguard and to use the terrain to their advantage were admirable feats, though hard to truly admire when he was the one at the opposite end of the blade on this one. Who would be crazy enough to take such a risky path, he wondered to himself, though he would be granted that answer all too soon for his taste.

“For my father!”

He had only caught a glimpse of his assailant before feeling the brunt of his weapon. There was never any doubt who the man’s father was as the resemblance was uncanny. Even when his vision went red, thanks to the blood that now obscured his line of sight, he could see the man that he just barely escaped those few years ago, though this time, there was no miracle, no archer that could save him…

His only relief, if there ever was any, was that his demise was both swift and even merciful compared to what the vengeful Sun lord would have given him had he been captured. A hollow, and painful, victory but a still a victory.

~*~*~

It was no surprise to Lü Meng that when he found Ling Tong there was no real danger, but that did not make him any less grateful to see him standing over their now utterly and without a doubt dead foe without so much as a scratch on him. He practically flew off of Ying’s back as he made his approach, taking full advantage of their momentary solitude to address him, and it was that almost blank look in his eyes when he turned to face him that stopped him from grabbing him and pulling him close. “Ling Tong, you’re alright! Thank heavens!”

Immediately, he felt like a fool and Ling Tong’s reception to seeing was not nearly as lively as he own. In fact, it was almost non-existent. Lü Meng couldn’t ignore it either and had physically taken a step back, though there was no anger in Ling Tong’s voice (or any emotion at all, he noted). “Of course I’m alright. They didn’t even know we were here until we had the place surrounded.”

It was awkward, to hear such passiveness from the youth. Only now did Lü Meng see the cost of Ling Cao’s death as well as his own neglect, so it was hard to feel any anger or resentment at such a cold reception. Ling Tong had changed. He was not the cheerful, wide-eyed young boy that followed his father’s footsteps and idolized another. What feelings he had for Lü Meng, whatever relationship that they might have had seemed gone, and he only had himself to blame. He didn’t mean for his expression to reflect so much of the disappointment in his heart but it was still a flaw that plagued him, as Ling Tong was quick to unintentionally remind him of it. “What? You wanted the glory for yourself? Too late for that.”

There was a sliver of humor in that voice, but it was dry and grim, as he motioned to the fallen commander at their feet. Lü Meng looked down at what was left of the man to spare himself from Ling Tong’s curious gaze and he confessed a half truth. “No, it was your honor to have. I’m just happy he’s dead and this is finally over.”

It wasn’t the complete truth but it was enough. Best not let him see the wound he inflicted on you, Lü Meng thought, his heart bitter, and he hoped his deflection was enough. The closure of this whole conflict with Huang Zu, though, that wasn’t a lie in the least. Lord Sun Jian and Ling Cao would finally be avenged, and Wu gained another territory and become stronger.

His train of thought and whatever good mood he had been desperately clinging onto was ruined at the sound of approaching bells, and it wasn’t just Ling Tong that tensed up when Gan Ning made his presence known. No, Lü Meng sneered when the former pirate caught up with them and he was surprised how he managed to get out a few words before he grabbed him by the hair and pulled him close. “Not gonna lie, that was a pretty awesome stunt you pulled there, Ossan! I didn’t- OW ow ow!”

“A stunt I wouldn’t have had to pull if -you- just listened to me!” Lü Meng snapped, making damn sure to dig his fingers in deep and one would find it hard to believe that they were the same height, given how much Gan Ning crouched to try to avoid any more of that punishment and whether it was fear of Lü Meng or wisdom, he neither fought back nor did he utter a word in his defence though he knew it wouldn’t keep him silent for long. “When I give an order, you either need to obey it or offer an alternative/ Had you pulled that with Lord Zhou Yu or our lord-”

“Don’t waste your breath on him,” Ling Tong said, his stance making it clear as to where he stood in all of this. Lü Meng didn’t need to look at him to see the disgust in his eyes as he could feel it permeating off of him and only adding to the tension around them. The only blessing was that the youth saw Gan Ning’s arrival as an opportunity to depart and he did so quickly, waving to Lü Meng before leaving him to discipline the former pirate. “I’m going to go scout the fortress, just to make sure it’s secured.”

Nothing was said until his footsteps faded from their hearing range and as expected, whatever wisdom Gan Ning possessed was destined to be short-lived. “Alright, alright, I get it! Now could you not rip my scalp off?”

“No, you don’t get it.” Lü Meng let out a growl but obliged, releasing the former pirate with a push and almost regretting it as he was certain that he didn’t get his point across. No, not with this one. “If you go it, you’d have listened to me.”

“Well excuse me for not wanting to charge to my death because I thought you were too yellow to do it yourself!”

All it would have taken was a swing and an excuse, but the impulse lasted only a second. That’s not who you are anymore, Lü Meng reminded himself, and whatever silence he gave, it was certainly not out of concession. He counted to ten and considered his words with care, like Lu Su had once suggested, and once the countdown was done, he did feel better, calmer, there was there still an edge to his gruff voice that seemed as a warning to the former pirate to watch himself. “I would never put you in a position that I didn’t think you’re capable of, no would I have ordered you to something that I wasn’t willing to do myself. The reason I wanted you to be the one to kill Chen Jiu was so that you could gain Lord Quan’s favor, and for you to be the first of the main unit here in the fortress. You might have found a way in faster and perhaps helped Ling Tong in defeating Huang Zu.”

Yes, he had a plan and maybe it did seem a little idealistic, but dammit, he was proud of it. And yet, now that the adrenaline and danger passed, he couldn’t really fault Gan Ning for his refusal to play along with his scheme. The former pirate rubbed his scalp in hopes of soothing the pain and Lü Meng was surprised to hear genuine remorse in that rough voice of his. “I guess your training with Lord Zhou Yu gotta amount for something. Sorry I didn’t play along, Lü Meng.”

He sounded genuine, though the years spent under Zhou Yu’s tutelage made him weary of such open expression. It could all be a front or a means to manipulate others, as it often was with Zhou Yu, but with Gan Ning, it did feel real. Or maybe he wanted it to be real and thus it was enough to convince him of it. He was truly too tired to care now and so he conceded. “Next time, I’ll do better in explaining my strategy to you, but you can trust me not to send you into a situation that I don’t think you can handle. You’re too valuable an officer to just waste away, so start acting like it.”

“You really think that?”

He had a feeling he was setting himself up for disaster later, but what else could he do? He would deal with that later, as keeping Gan Ning appeased was certain to have its own benefits.

“Of course he does.” But it wasn’t Lü Meng that answered, as both men now stood at attention. “He’s always been an honest man, and you can always trust him to say exactly what is on his mind, whether you wish to hear it or not.”

There was not a hint of malice or even snark from their lord and Lü Meng could not find it in himself to be angry at such a notion, at least when it came from Lord Quan. Had Zhou Yu said it, he would worded it at a manner that felt condescending, as it was apparently a flaw in the strategist’s eyes, but when Sun Quan said it, it felt anything but. For all of his rudeness and refusal to obey orders, Gan Ning was at least willing to bow his head when the Sun lord arrived, flanked both by Zhou Yu and Zhou Tai, and Lü Meng was swift to give his report. “My lord, the enemy commander has been slain by Ling Tong. He is currently securing the perimeter.”

He had not completely understood that expression his young lord wore, nor did he know what exactly to expect. He could not shake the look that Ling Tong wore, eyes filled with disappointment as though Huang Zu’s death wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for Ling Tong, that much was true, but for Sun Quan, it seemed therapeutic almost, to gaze at his father’s killer and know that he was finally avenged. And still, to see him so respectful, it was humbling. “At last, this can be put to rest. I had hoped to address him one last time, but it might be better for him this way. Better to have fallen in combat than to survive to see your legacy defeated so.”

Gan Ning sneered, though his tone was still respectful in its own way. “Nah, I’m damn sure he knew he was defeated an’ was caught on the run. The moment Chen Jiu went down, he was off.”

A glare from Lü Meng silenced him almost immediately, and the action only distracted Lü Meng from Sun Quan’s sudden approach, so the hand on his shoulder caused him to flinch. Not that his lord seemed to notice nor did he bring attention to it, instead drawing attention to a different matter entirely. “A good point, Gan Ning! Had it not been for the swift defeat of Chen Jiu, then this battle would have dragged out needlessly. Lü Meng, your swift actions and bravery has assisted greatly in our victory today, and as my way of expressing my gratitude, I will ensure you’ll be rewarded handsomely for your efforts today.”

It was impossible not to feel himself beam in lieu of the praise he received, as his time spent training under Zhou Yu done little to prepare him for these things and accepting compliments, when he wasn’t immediately suspicious of it, was still a challenge for him. Eager was he to save himself from this dilemma, as he bowed his head and tried to accept it as humbly as possible. “Your praise is reward enough, my lord.”

“Nonsense! When we return to Jianye, I’ll bestow you with a new title and rank, with all the benefits that come with it. Please, do not be so modest. Accept it, please.”

Lü Meng never suspected that Sun Quan wouldn’t uphold his promises, even if it was made on a whim. No, his lord’s pride would not permit such a thing and he knew better than to try and decline it now. Bad things happened to those that had tried in the past and he simply knew better. “Yes, of course, my lord. Thank you.”

It was enough to appear him and with that, he was released, as Sun Quan, as swiftly as he arrived, turned to leave, likely to go attend to other matters. Zhou Yu left wordlessly, never too far from his lord’s side, leaving only Zhou Yu with the two though not for too long either. Lü Meng caught his gaze as he straightened up, his heart pounding fiercely in his chest as he tried to predict how the strategist would respond. In his years under him, he still knew so little about Zhou Yu, and he wasn’t sure if that was a testament to just how elusive the man was or just how much more he himself had left to learn.

Unlike Lord Quan, Zhou Yu was quiet, though his smile spoke volumes for him, and he gave Lü Meng the smallest, but clearly visible nod of the head, before leaving after their lord and his bodyguard. He hadn’t uttered a word, but he didn’t need to. Lü Meng passed his test. What was the test and what he would learn of it, though, he would decipher later.

“Alright, so…” Gan Ning cleared his throat, warranting his attention though it wasn’t entirely necessary, given that the only other person there laid dead and therefore unable to grab Lü Meng’s attention. Lü Meng wasn’t prepared for the almost meek expression that Gan Ning wore but he brought no attention to it. He figured he was embarrassed enough and kicking more dirt at him would only fling it back at himself. “About what I said earlier. You know, the whole whimpy strategist on his high horse. I… take it back. I thought he was dragging you down but you haven’t lost your bite, so… I guess I worried for nothing.”

It would have been easy to chide him for his turn about face, but Lü Meng saw just how uncomfortable he already was about it. It made him feel uncomfortable and he already had his fill of that. “Enough. I get it. I forgive you, just listen to me next time before I go rushing out all stupid like that.”

Perhaps he assumed too much that this was Gan Ning’s way of apologizing, but seeing how Gan Ning visibly relaxed was enough to warrant it. Bit by bit, the former pirate seemed to be getting back into his own groove and the tension in the air finally dissipated around them, relieving them both. Seeing Gan Ning in high spirits certainly did him good and he wasn’t surprised when he extended a balled fist out to him. “I can’t promise much, but for you, Ossan? You can count on me.”

Lü Meng wish he hadn’t spent the last three years under Zhou Yu’s wing. He wanted to see the authenticity of his statement and thus his offer for friendship, but Zhou Yu made him suspicious and wary. Adding to that was Gan Ning’s own track record. Could he trust Gan Ning? Could he trust himself to keep him in line? That did it ultimately. Gan Ning might not have been the most reliable but he was damn good, far better than he had been recently and Lü Meng knew he would be burned. But, he had faith in himself to figure the former pirate out, to rein him back in, to make his own betrayal to Ling Cao and Ling Tong not be in vain. He returned the gesture and held nothing back, the feel of their knuckles clashing only meaning to make the unison all the more meaningful. “Fine. I’ll hold you to that, brazen pirate.”


	23. Surrender or Fight...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lu Su brings home visitors and Wu receives a letter from the north that threatens to split its nation in two...

Lü Meng knew little of Lu Su’s guests, but even someone as dense as him could tell that they weren’t just any guest. No, there was an aura about them that destroyed any thoughts depicting otherwise, but the Lü Meng of then did not know what it was. How could he know? The men that accompanied Lu Su were men of great importance, though in what way, he had yet to see.

Introductions were passed around, though he was not officially a part of them. One trick he had picked up on fairly early in his career in Wu and one that Zhou Yu often deployed more often than not once he discovered it, and that was the act of a good bodyguard. He had a way of standing in clear sight and yet blending in with his surroundings. He found that if he kept quiet and unassuming, it worked wonderfully during a few of his reconnaissance missions. It was his lack of titles on his garments (of which he would have plenty of new ones waiting to be bestowed once Lord Quan returned to his office entirely) that allowed him to get close enough to at least get identities from their new guests that Lu Su had personally escorted during their final campaign against Huang Zu. What he learned from his ‘mission’ justified the feeling brewing in his gut.

Liu Bei was a man that Lü Meng had heard of and had actually met in passing once before. It was brief, and obviously not enough to leave a great impression on the once bodyguard-turned-soldier, but he had changed in those years. As did Lord Liu Bei, it seemed, as the man that fought alongside his late lord against the crazed Yuan Shu was not the same man that now stood before Lord Quan, at least not physically. Years of one and off the saddle and being displaced from one home to the other had left him rather daunted and given his appearance it was hard to think the title ‘Lord’ was fitting, but none of the shabby clothing or added weight to his waist had dampened his spirit, as he sounded just as hopeful and lively as he spoke to his young lord (and who wouldn’t, Lü Meng thought to himself.)

And the one that accompanied him, the young man dressed in white and feathers and with a mask of cold, yet calming in a way, forever planted on his face, was Zhuge Liang, a man who had already been graced with a title that was renowned throughout the land. The Sleeping Dragon. Certainly an interesting moniker and Lü Meng couldn’t blame Zhou Yu for his carefully concealed apprehension when they met. Even from the safe distance he was standing at, he could almost feel the sparks igniting between the two and he could only wonder how electrifying it’d be to those in their immediate presence. Unfortunately, he would be left to wonder, as they took their meeting elsewhere, and he would not be permitted to follow, not without consequence. 

“What do you make of them?” Lü Meng asked Taishi Ci during training. Hours passed since their guests had arrived and it still plagued his mind. Despite the progress he made down the road that his lord and Zhou Yu set him on, he still sought their sparring sessions from time to time. Things got too stressful and the topic of their guest had triggered some anxieties, and he had come too close to snapping at Ba, so he retreated to familiar and more welcoming environments before he did something he’d regret. It hardly surprised him to find Taishi Ci there and just as the warrior didn’t question what brought him here, he didn’t question why he always seemed to find him here. Not when there were other questions to ask.

“I remember Lord Liu Bei. Met him during the Yellow Turban Rebellions. He was nothing more than a shoemaker turned militia then.” Taishi Ci managed to speak over the wooden bo staffs cracking, keeping his pace at a comfortable speed so that the two could talk at leisure. “He may have came from humble beginnings, but he’s related to the current royal line and has a good, honest heart. It’s good to see people like him in our current times, when corruption runs rampant in the court. Looking at him, hearing what he’s survived and still seeks a land of peace… makes one wonder if the Han empire can be saved yet.”

It was hard not to hear that admiration in his voice, even with the constant cracks of the reinforced staves buffering his senses. Hearing Taishi Ci go on like this, so hopeful and downright dreamy-eyed, was so unusual for Lü Meng and it kept him unusually quiet. It was hard to look at his fellow officer and think him so idealistic, but it had made sense. Taishi Ci was a man of honor and was far wiser than he had originally thought him to be. He was also a believer. He believed in Lord Sun Ce’s dream and carried on that belief in Lord Quan’s so why was the idea of him showing the same belief in Liu Bei’s dream so odd a thing? 

“You’re too quiet, Lü Meng. What bothers you?”

He may have caught his mind drifting off but he didn’t catch him with the bo staff, as Lü Meng just barely managed to twist himself about to dodge it. Neither moved for a moment and the newly appointed general let out an exasperated sigh when the other officer lowered his weapon to his side. He wanted to talk and he wouldn’t carry on the fight until he spilled the truth. The problem was… Lü Meng wasn’t sure what bothered him, and even if he did know, he didn’t want to talk about it. However, he knew better than to lie to Taishi Ci, or try to avoid it. “I’m not sure exactly what’s bothering me.”

“Is it Lord Liu Bei?”

“Not sure. He doesn’t seem like he’s the cause of it,” Lü Meng said, accepting Taishi Ci’s refusal and circumventing it as he turned his aggression to one of the straw dummies instead. “He seems well enough, but I don’t know him. Not yet.”

“But you will get to know him? Good.” Taishi Ci gave a firm nod and did not interfere with Lü Meng’s training, but he wasn’t willing to leave the topic be, as he leaned against his staff as he continued to pry. “It never hurts to broaden your knowledge, but of course you already know this. I have a feeling that Lord Liu Bei isn’t simply here to visit.”

“Not with so many displaced officers and villagers with him. You think he’s here to serve Wu?”

Even as he uttered the words, he knew the answer, though hearing Taishi Ci confirm it did help him feel less foolish. “No. If anything, he’s likely here to seek an alliance with our lord. He might request a place to stay for a short while, but it wouldn’t seem like him to take more than he feel he needs.”

It made sense to Lü Meng, but he wasn’t convinced. No, perhaps Liu Bei was just a simple man, with a well-meaning vision and charisma to attract others to his cause, but then it wasn’t his presence that made Lord Zhou Yu bristle. It was Zhuge Liang, and after a few well placed strikes, he stuck the bo staff into the ground, now too winded to carry on both tasks. Sweat dripped into his eyes and rubbed at them, as he asked, “What about Zhuge Liang? You know anything about him?”

“Not much, except that he is said to be very intelligence and a brilliant strategist.”

It was an understatement, and even Taishi Ci knew it. But it didn’t make it any less true. He didn’t get a good look at him, but from little he did see, Lü Meng couldn’t shake the feeling in his gut that there was so much more about this man than he or anyone else knew. Except perhaps Zhou Yu. He seemed to not only sense it, but he almost knew it. Maybe he knew what Lü Meng didn’t? “Lord Zhou Yu seemed not to care much for him. Lord Liu Bei might not pose a problem, but maybe Zhuge Liang does. Can he really be trusted?” 

“That I cannot answer. However, is it really something that you should be worrying about now?”

The question took Lü Meng off guard and did nothing to hide his reaction from the general. The benefit that came with confining in Taishi Ci and not Lu Su or Zhou Yu was that he was never smug about his teachings, never condescending, and thus Lü Meng was more accepting of his critiques. “If Lord Zhou Yu sensed it, then you know that he will keep the situation under control. It is a matter that, for the moment, is beyond your control and to stress yourself over it needlessly doesn’t just put a burden on you, but your family as well. I assume that’s not something you want, if you came here instead of spending your free time with them.”

It struck home and he fidgeted in response to being so exposed. He knew he was avoiding them, but to have someone else say it so simply just bothered him. It was wrong of him to duck out of his duties as a father and husband, but it had just been too stressful, what with the newest and possibly last addition to the family on the way and Ren’s strange behavior to compound everything, but he couldn’t hold it against Taishi Ci for pressing the matter. “So, you’re telling me to turn a blind eye to it? I’m not sure I can do that.”

“And I’m not asking you to,” Taishi Ci said, crossing his arms as he explained himself further. “However, at the moment, it is beyond your control, and there is no shame in allowing Lord Zhou Yu and Lu Su to handle it. Should they ask for your air, then by all means, give it to them. But for now, observe, take notes, but don’t put the burden on yourself when you’re struggling with the load you already have. It could very well be nothing.”

“Or it could be something.” He did not mean to snap, but it was inevitable. He was too bold to talk back to Taishi Ci like that, but his recent stunt at Xiakou made him a little braver, a little more reckless. Or perhaps he was always such and his recent paradigm shift could only do so much to cover it and now made him painfully self aware of himself. However, he understood Taishi Ci’s wisdom and accepted it with a sigh. “But I will take your advice.”

“Keeping diligent and keeping an eye on the situation isn’t a bad idea, but do not lose your head over it in the process. With any luck, it won’t become your problem.”

Lü Meng snorted, quickly dismissing what he thought the general was getting at. “You assume much, Master Taishi Ci, though I’m flattered you think that.”

What Taishi Ci assumed was that he would someday such an important rank, and while it was a nice dream, that’s all it would be. Between Zhou Yu and Lu Su, where could he have possibly stood? That didn’t even include others, like the veteran Cheng Pu, or Zhu Ran (who, despite his age, was quickly gaining momentum and favor in his own right), or even Taishi Ci? No, it was a distant dream and for now, he was content with his new rank and position.

“Who knows what the future may bring? We can hope for the best, but it never hurts to prepare for the worst either.” Taishi Ci was just as confident as ever with his advice, even when one could easily argue that it contradicted his earlier advice. Lü Meng, however, understand what he was getting at, even though he didn’t much care for it. It was all about checks and balances, something he found himself constantly battling on various fronts as it was. He grabbed his staff once more and a subtle movement to Taishi Ci invited him to do the same. He obliged and once again they were ready to square off. moving into position and merely waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. It was the veteran of the two that moved first. It seemed that brief chat was enough to appease Taishi Ci’s curiosity, as the topic had shifted from one matter to another, though one far less dire as their current guests. “So, have you thought of a name?”

“Mu. And I think he, or she, will be our last.”

“Three’s a good number, I think. It wouldn’t do your fortune well to go for a fourth…”

It wouldn’t do Ren well do go for a fourth, Lü Meng thought to himself and flashed a wry smile. Yes, the topic of his family, while avoided until now, was something he could manage and control. Now that he got the worst of it off his chest and knew Zhou Yu to be diligently tending to their guests, he did feel a little better, though he knew it was a temporary measure at best. The feeling in his gut may have been sated, but for how long? Only time could tell, and he was certain that he wouldn’t be waiting too long, either.

~*~*~

And Lü Meng was correct in that assumption, as no sooner had they brought Lord Liu Bei and his people into their newly won Xiakou did news of the rest of China seemed to be catching wind of them. Their recent string of victories and whom they harbored were only two of many flags to their neighboring districts, so it shouldn’t have come as any surprise that a letter from the north came shortly after. It came from the Chancellor himself, Cao Cao, and with it came a heavy message, one that resonated throughout the walls of Jianye and beyond and threatened to split Wu in two. Surrender, or be annihilated by his army of eight hundred thousand men.

It was a simple demand, but that only worked in its favor. There was no middle ground, no blurred lines - even if the results carried various tiers of possibilities, the immediate decision could not be any clearer.

Ultimately, it was Sun Quan’s decision, though it did not stop everyone from voicing their opinion on the matter. Officials, strategists, advisors, generals, all of them had flocked to Lord Quan’s office to tell him in person which path to go. Many suggested that resisting Lord Cao was suicide, both politically and martially, while just as many felt war with Cao Cao and Wei was the only correct path to take. Many approached their lord and though he took in every single one, he had yet to make a decision. And time was running out. It would not be long before he sent a second messenger, and those that favored war suspected that the second messenger wouldn’t come alone. 

No one was certain exactly what caused the camel’s back to snap, though Lü Meng felt partially responsible for being one of the straws. He had arrived to give his own opinion on the matter, and happenstance had it that Gan Ning had decided to go with him. A mistake, it seemed, as when they have their answers, their -conflicting- answers, it had pushed their lord over the edge and had demanded they leave before either one could even explain themselves, either to their lord or to one another.

It wasn’t long after that when Sun Quan finally sought out Zhou Yu’s advise on the matter. Of all the people that had actively sought an audience with the Sun lord, he was the only one that had refused to approach him, and Lu Su was willing to explain to Lü Meng, as they waited outside of the briefing room, along with countless other officers, as their lord conversed with not only Zhou Yu but their two guests as well. “It shows how dire the matter is, I think, as well as how valuable Lord Zhou Yu’s council is. It shouldn’t be a surprise, really, having been so influential to the Sun family thus far. He has an almost perfect track record with Wu and the Sun family, so of course his opinion will matter the most. Lady Wu was wise to suggest him after you and Gan Ning double teamed him.”

It made sense, Lü Meng thought, and he held no anger or resentment to this. Of course Zhou Yu’s opinion would be more valuable than his own, but he still felt annoyed from his effort to give his own earlier and the way that Lu Su took a jab at it didn’t help. He knew his own opinion held little weight compared to Zhou Yu but he couldn’t help but feel so snubbed by his lord’s immediate shout to leave.

“Haha, you’re doing it again.”

Lu Su friendly chide snapped him out of his reverie and his effort to relax his brow were in vain. He cast Lu Su a frustrated look and gave in to his inquisitive stare, knowing better than to even try to deny that he was glowering. “I’m trying to make sense of Lord Quan’s behavior when Gan Ning and I met with him earlier, that’s all.”

Almost immediately, Lu Su’s eyes beamed with understanding and he was quick to offer his insight. In those three years under Zhou Yu’s tutelage, Lu Su had certainly opened up to him and had started conversing with him on strategies and the sort. It was definitely a relief, but it took some getting used to, to have him look at him and not read the judgement in his keen gaze. There was some there, but it became tolerable and not as condescending as before. “Well, you need to look at it from his point of view. He’s been contending with so many officers knocking down his down, some wanting to wage war and others wanting to show their bellies in hopes that it would stave Cao Cao’s warpath. By the time you and Gan Ning approached him, he likely had his fill of conflicting opinions to last him a few generations.”

There was humor in his deep voice and while it may not have been enough to make him smile, it at least dulled the guilt he felt, if only slightly. “Besides, look at it this way, Lü Meng. If even you and Gan Ning, as great as friends as the two of you are, could not reach a mutual agreement, then does that not show just how divided we are as a nation on the matter?”

Now this intrigued Lü Meng and he couldn’t hide it either. Shame clung to his words as he spoke, lowering his voice so that he would only have to suffer Lu Su hearing him so vulnerable. Not once did he consider Lord Quan’s position or how he felt and he berated himself for it. “I… didn’t think of it like that.”

The other bit took him a bit off guard but he certainly couldn’t deny it. After Xiakou, Gan Ning had been far more bearable to have around and was only somewhat of an annoying jerk. He had even wanted to meet his family, which worried Lü Meng into a panic attack in preparation for it but it had gone surprisingly well. His mother and sister warmed up to his antics almost immediately, and even Ren found his company pleasurable, smiling genuinely for the first time in a good while. Ba and Zong couldn’t get enough of him, so once again Lü Meng’s worrying was for naught. No, it was clear that Gan Ning had chosen a friend in Lü Meng and for the most part, he welcomed it. Even when they had called for the opposing solution, there may have been surprise in each other’s eyes, but neither anger nor betrayal. It was smart of Lu Su to use it as an example, as it was now all too easy to see what caused his lord so much distress. He thought about the dilemma his lord faced and could feel his stomach twisting into sympathetic knots. 

The future of Lord Quan’s kingdom was on the line and though presented with two solutions, coming to the conclusion for which could not have been an easy decision to make, with or without the pressure that came from his officers and advisors. To surrender would mean to lose the territories they had gained, and worst of all, tarnishing their late lord’s legacy. On the eve of Huang Zu’s defeat, to surrender would make all of their previous efforts meaningly and the warriors of Wu would become nothing more than dogs at Cao Cao’s beck and call, all to save themselves from conflict. As much as he personally detested the idea of surrender, he couldn’t blame those that called for it. Most of them were administrators, advisors, those that chose to fight with words and regulations rather than with swords and spears. They felt that appeasing the demands to surrender would place Lord Quan and their kingdom in a favorable light and that the fears that their opposers would not come to pass. An understandable, if not admirable, idea, but Lü Meng and countless others weren’t convinced. It would be placing a lot of trust on Cao Cao’s shoulders and from what Lü Meng had dug up on the Chancellor, one would have to be a fool or desperate to trust that man.

“So, if you don’t mind me being so nosy, which do you favor?”

There was little hesitation in Lü Meng’s reply and he spoke his mind, consequences be damned. “I favored to fight.”

Lu Su was hardly surprised by the answer, and Lü Meng could hear the slight relief in his voice. “I figured you would. Not that I mean it in a bad way, mind you, but the thought of you favoring surrender never once crossed my mind.”

“It’d seem pointless to surrender,” said Lü Meng, grateful for the chance to speak his mind, despite not knowing where Lu Su stood on the matter. “Cao Cao would take too much from Lord Quan, and it wouldn’t take long for those that favored war to convince our lord to rebel. Better to be upfront and take the fight to Cao Cao now when war with him is inevitable.”

“Now what makes you think that?” Lu Su asked. It was something that Lü Meng found to be a little annoying. Lu Su’s and Zhou Yu’s continual prodding and probing for an answer. It was a constant thorn in his sides but he understood why they did it. He was just annoyed with himself for never seeming to give them a satisfactory answer to avoid having to do this in the first place. “You sound so sure- you know something I don’t?”

“No, Master. I don’t. It’s just… a feeling I have. Even if Lord Cao Cao not sent a formal request, he seems like the type to turn his eyes south towards us eventually.”

“I see. And why is that, I wonder?”

“You know as well as I.” Lü Meng caught wind of where he was going and followed it, silently grateful for the exchange as it helped ease the tension as they waited, as well as gave him a chance to straighten his thoughts out. “Lord Quan’s been on the rise and Cao Cao feels threatened, so he wants to snuff out his momentum before our lord turns his fangs north.”

It was a satisfactory answer, as Lu Su gave a slow nod of the head, seemingly pleased with Lü Meng’s analysis. “Honestly, I’m more surprised that he even sent out a warning.”

“Politics is my guess. Makes him look good, to mask the threat and make those that fear war feel as though they’re doing the right thing.” Lü Meng sneered, before adding more salt to his statement. “He wants to intimidate us so he boasted his strength. Add to that he holds the emperor hostage, so any who favor surrender could argue that they’re doing what the Han wanted, regardless if it was his will or not.”

He caught Lu Su’s smile, and felt some pride starting to swell within him, though he did his best to hide it from the shrewd man. Like always, Lu Su was merely testing him and thus far he’s been passing them. How many more of these tests would he have to endure, he pondered, and when Lu Su said nothing, he took advantage of the silence to ask a question of his own. “Which did you suggest to our lord, Master Lu Su?”

If anything, Lu Su grin deepened and somehow Lü Meng wasn’t surprised to hear him respond with a question. “Where do you think I stand, Ameng?”

After the bristling of hearing his childhood name uttered, Lü Meng mulled over the prospects and what he knew about Lu Su, which was still an ongoing adventure for him. Knowing the Art of War and the various strategies were one thing, but truly knowing people was an entirely different horse to throw a saddle on. Some were predictable, while others were predictable in the sense that they would always be unpredictable. It was something that Lu Su kept pushing him to learn. Whereas Zhou Yu pushed him to learn strategies and the martial part of the written material, Lu Su took it upon himself to teach him about people. Not so much as a whole, but the individuals, how to keep in mind that though they were a valuable asset, they were a human being above all, with needs and desires and limits. Knowing how to approach them and win them over could become a task in and of itself. Lu Su was exceptionally problematic when it came to predicting his behavior and what position he held because he would usually favor peaceful resolutions and even play devil’s advocate, not because he’d truly believe it but to seek a middle ground that was acceptable to all parties. No doubt he planned to do the same here, when there could be no middle ground. He mulled it over, before giving his answer. “I think that you favor war with Cao Cao in this instance.”

“And why do you think that?”

It was neither a confirmation or a dismissal, and it left a mark in on his confidence. But Lü Meng did as he always did- persevere and push forward. And hope to learn something from it. “Your forte is mostly internal affairs and diplomacy, but you know that surrendering to Cao Cao would do more harm than good. You know that it won’t be as simple to just give up what we’ve gained here. To you, it’s not so much as welcoming conflict, but you know our lord well enough to know that he won’t be content to exist under Cao Cao’s control and that’ll he’ll eventually revolt. Best to get to it early and fight for what is his, than to appear the traitor by turning later.”

Lu Su’s light brown eyes narrowed, the cold look in them contradicting the smile he wore. Before Lü Meng could fear that he spoke incorrectly, though, the strategist freed him from that gaze and let out a throaty chuckle. “You’re almost there, but yes, I favor war against Cao Cao. Not so much the inevitability of it all, but because Cao Cao is a true villain, and one of the worst kinds.”

Hearing that he was correct wasn’t surprisingly and he hardly celebrated it in lieu of that venom he heard in his master’s tone. He felt himself wanting to squirm, as Lu Su carried on, no doubt attracting attention from those around them that were just as drawn to his near uncharacteristic display of disgust against Cao Cao. “He hold the emperor hostage, so much like Dong Zhuo and his generals had, and while his abuse has not been so apparent, it is all the worse. It won’t be long before he makes his move to dethrone the emperor and attempt to establish himself or an heir to power. In his mind, the Han empire’s well on its way out, and given the power that he already has, it would not take much for him to seize it all. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. He needs to be stopped, so why not we be the ones to do so?”

It was all very sound reasoning to Lü Meng, though he was still put off by Lu Su’s rant. He had never suspected him to be such a strong supporter of the Han, but that could have been his own opinion on the matter that blinded him to this. It made sense for Lu Su to feel a sense of loyalty to the Han, given his rank and status. It was no small wonder, then, that Lu Su was adamant about giving aid to Liu Bei and had all but invited him into Wu when they were being chased by Cao Cao’s army. Liu Bei practically bled Han-loyalty, and he knew there were many others who still felt so strongly about the Han. All but him, he felt. It made him aware of himself and his opinion of the Han… Lü Meng decided he didn’t care much for the topic itself and so be conceded and tried a tactic that Lu Su was familiar with. Deflection. “Very well put, Master. I’ve noticed you’ve been visiting my family more as of late. Why?”

“What a quaint change of topic! Did something I say upset you?”

Should have known that would backfire, Lü Meng scolded himself, berating his own folly as he scrambled for an answer. By now, those near them had heard Lu Su’s speech and were content to now return to talking among themselves, making it easier for Lü Meng to address his concerns. “No, master. I just never pegged you for such an idealist, that’s all. You always seem so practical.”

Lu Su’s face never lost its humored expression and Lü Meng only felt even more uncomfortable for it. “Then you still have much to learn about me, Lü Meng, as well as yourself. Now, about your other question, yes, I did, and I plan on visiting them more often. They’re quite a lovely bunch, especially that mother of yours. She’s quite intriguing. I like getting to know my comrades and the ones they fight for. If it bothers you…”

“No, sir, absolutely not!” Lü Meng stammered out his words. He winced at the volume of his own voice and checked himself before Lu Su had the chance to scold him. “They enjoy your visits and your gifts and I wouldn’t dare get in the way of that. Thank you, by the way.”

He didn’t need to say what for, as Lu Su damn well knew what he was talking about. The deepening of his grin spoke volumes, but he spared Lü Meng for now. “My pleasure. You have a loving family and you should cherish them, just as much as you cherish Wu.”

Lü Meng could not deny his observation and fought the urge to sigh. He and Taishi Ci made it sound so easy, to juggle one’s duties and marital life- he suddenly remembered something and Lu Su couldn’t help but jump when he all but spun onto him with a growl. “Don’t flirt with my mother.”

Despite the obvious threat in his voice, the older strategist nearly erupted with laughter, but it wasn’t any of Lü Meng’s doing that silenced him. Instead, it was their lord’s return. The entire assembly fell into a hush, accenting each and every stop Sun Quan took. Zhou Yu, Lord Liu Bei, and Zhuge Liang followed after him, and one only needed to look at the young Sun lord’s face to know that whatever decision he made, it was entirely absolute. Never had Lü Meng seen such a determined expression on his lord’s face. His jaw was locked and his lips were set at such a firm line that it could slice through the finest thread with relative ease. Everything about Sun Quan breathed and expelled a sense of finality and it shown the most in his lively green eyes, bright and fierce as stars themselves. A decision was made and everyone could tell. They all waited with bated breath. Some feared they would faint before hearing their lord’s answer, but they held out and their patience would soon be rewarded. No sooner did Sun Quan arrive at the front of his assembly of officers, generals and advisors did he made his announcement. “It has been decided that we, the nation of Wu, will go to war with Cao Cao!”

There were mixed reactions among the crowd. Cheers and protests arose from their respective parties. No, though he and Lu Su were both on the ‘winning’ side of this debate, neither were surprised nor could they blame those that rose their voices against this decision, but their protests didn’t last long. Sun Quan pulled his sword from its sheath, the sound of the polished metal scraping against the holster doing wonders in silencing the crowd and capturing their attention completely. Without uttering a word, he raised the blade over his head and swung the sword down with a mighty cleave, swifter and deadlier than any executioner’s axe. His victim was not any single individual but the unfortunate table that stood in his path, slicing the corner of the table in a single blow. The splintering of wood echoed throughout the chamber, forcing all eyes upon him and all mouths shut and only then did he make his proclamation. “Let it be known that from this moment on, any who ask for surrender will share the same fate as this table! Surrender to Cao Cao, or to anyone, is not an option. Do you understand?”

There were no objections. None were expected. Those who favored surrender had beared witness and if they were not swayed by their lord’s resolution, then they were certainly swayed by his actions. There was an uproar of support, and Lü Meng felt Lu Su’s gaze upon him, and the two shared a silent but well understood nod. They had accepted that war with Cao Cao was unavoidable. What had finally convinced their lord when hours ago he just as fractured as his nation? One look at Zhou Yu had been enough to convince anyone what the cause was, as he stood triumphantly at Lord Quan’s side, his handsome gaze flashing to Lu Su and relaying his silent request perfectly. Liu Bei stood just as triumphant and had voiced his intentions to aid Wu, while Zhuge Liang maintained that near perfect calm, as though he had always known that there could only be one outcome of this meeting. Unnerving, but Lü Meng thought little of it in the grand scheme of things. Taishi Ci had told him to leave it to Zhou Yu and Lu Su, and so he would try.

Out of one conflict and straight into another, but it was something they now all agreed to. The first obstacle was cleared, and even those who had favored war against the Chancellor knew that the upcoming fights would not be easy ones…

“And so begins the era of the two kingdoms,” Lu Su uttered softly to Lü Meng, before motioning him to follow him. Ever obedient, Lü Meng followed in silence, though his mind raced with countless thoughts. Two kingdoms? The way Lu Su addressed the matter made it seem as though they had long since discussed this and he was hardly surprised. Leave it to Lord Zhou Yu and Lu Su to have all of this planned in their heads… oh yes, he had so much to learn.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“And so, you welcomed war. I am hardly surprised, given what I’ve seen of your nature thus far.”

Lü Meng rubbed his fingers together. Underneath the gloves, he could feel them, frigid to the bone and the very tips numb. He half wondered if he pulled the fabric off if it would be as black as his gloves. No, no. It was cold, but not frost bitten. By the time he addressed the mystic, he had almost forgotten what he said. “Not so much welcomed it as accepted it as the only route to go. Surrendering, and expecting Cao Cao to honor our territories, was foolish and even those that called for it knew it. They were merely okay with it.”

How many years had passed since Lord Quan gave that judgement? Ten years? More? Why did it feel so brief? So much had happened between then and yet it felt like it had happened in rapid succession. “You called for war because you felt it was inevitable. Grand foresight, or perhaps you simply did not think there was a chance for a peaceful solution.” Zuo Ci kept on him, though Lü Meng thought little of his prodding. What kind of reaction was he looking for? “Could it be that your occupation and your upbringing during the chaos denied you the hope that there’d be a peaceful outcome?”

“Perhaps that, or just being realistic. What do you know of Cao Cao, Zuo Ci?” Lü Meng countered. “If you and I are speaking of the same man, then you know that he would not have allowed Lord Quan to hold power, especially when he felt it threatened his. No, for the sake of unification, he would demand he surrendered everything, assuming he did not completely strip them before he had a chance to willingly give them over. He’d take everything from him. His land, his officers, his titles, and Lord Quan… is too prideful of a man to accept that. Any member of the Sun family wouldn’t allow it. Not to Cao Cao. Perhaps not even to the emperor himself.”

“Pride… more often than not does it lead to many decisions and not all of them well. However, if it is any consolation, standing against Cao Cao, in my opinion, is the correct choice. Opposing Cao Cao and the villainy he represents is the only correct choice, and yet…” It got colder, much colder, and Lü Meng swore he could see malice escaping in a tangible form of steam, from his lips, his face, any bit of flesh that was not protected by his garments. “Here you are, aligning with him, a mere ten years after your lord split a table in a bold proclamation against him. How did this happen? What caused such a radical change that you would prefer to forge an alliance with a man you know to be wicked, whom Lu Su so adamantly addressed as such?”

The Chief-Commander locked every muscle in his body so that he would not succumb to the maddening shivers that threatened to wrack his body. This had the effect of making his scowl all the more deeper and menacing in his own right. He could have replied with anger, but he chose snark instead. “Stop interrupting, and maybe you’ll find out.”

As per usual when Lü Meng retaliated with such blunt and dry tactics, there would be a moment of awkward silence that would follow after it, and though Zuo Ci’s face cracked into a grin, the air around him only became more frigid. Lü Meng wasn’t at all fooled by the humor in his voice when he addressed him. “Your tact is quite a sight to behold. I’m sure it’s gained you much popularity and long-lasting friends in your time.”

“You’d be surprised how many appreciate it, actually,” Lü Meng said, brushing his soaked bangs from his face out of nervous habit. He was surprised it didn’t snap off from the chill in the air. “But no, it has earned me my fair share of troubles. Not everyone cares for my methods or sometimes they can’t handle the truth, as well as my way of delivering it.”

It happened more often than he cared to admit and only in his later years did he find himself regretting such an open and brusque approach. But he said no more on the matter as he was certain that Zuo Ci would explore these instances in due time, when he wanted to rub it in his face no doubt. “I would think that would be a habit that Zhou Yu and Lu Su would have tried to break you out of, but I suppose there is a tactical benefit that came with your method that they found useful?”

“They trusted me to be honest and speak clearly when it was needed, yes, though… they didn’t immediately utilize it.” He did not mean for his voice to drop in volume as it did, but it was an inevitable side effect of the memories he was being forced to relive. He knew what was to come, and he pondered how much more this mystic sought to learn. “Perhaps they should have. Let’s continue- I’m a busy man and you must have other plans for the day?”

“I’m a mystic- what use do I have of time?”

The Chief-Commander snorted and there was a hint of sardonic mirth in it. “Of course, but please remember that I am -not-, and my time is really precious to me.”

“One can wonder why you feel that way, but that it not my concern for now.” The way Zuo Ci narrowed his eyes left a sinking feeling in his gut, but like hell would Lü Meng let him see it. He was grateful for the continuation of his ‘character study’, though he wouldn’t hold his breath that Zuo Ci would spare him from having to relive Zhou Yu’s downfall and why Shu had etched its place in his heart with such a bitter, hateful brush strokes.


	24. The Battle of Chibi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng observes the master strategists of their time at work to overcome impossible odds and is given an important mission of his own...

No one had expected Cao Cao to accept their proclamation of war lightly, so when word of him mobilizing his navy along the Yangtze river, no one was really surprised. Even if they hadn’t harbored Liu Bei, a known fugitive, war would be unavoidable and given that the great river separated them, a naval battle was hardly any surprise to them. It anything, it was welcomed in the likes of Wu. Naval battles were something of their specialty, given how their land was surrounded by the Yangtze and its subsidiaries. With the amount of pirates and river merchants turned soldiers that numbered their ranks, even those like Lü Meng, who grew up in landlocked villages, were quickly trained and grew accustomed to life and battle on top a boat. The decision that their grand encounter would occur on the Yangtze in a naval battle was probably the only comfort that those of the Wu and Liu Bei’s forces coalition initially had, as the reports on the size of their opponent almost made even the sturdiest of warriors balk.

Cao Cao had warned that he commanded an army of eight hundred thousand troops and the reports that came in from the scouts as vessels began to flood the Yangtze at Chibi certainly gave that impression. Lü Meng himself had been sent to confirm the number and he was appalled at the size of it and how it continued to grow. Oh, yes, it seemed that Cao Cao’s boast wasn’t simply a method of intimidation, he thought to himself, but when he made his report to Zhou Yu, the strategist seemed unimpressed and waved off his student’s concern with a lengthy explanation.

Though his vessels were so massive in number, there was no way that Cao Cao’s men could reach such a number to fill them without threatening to capsize their own ships, assuming he even had as many officers as he claimed to begin with. While he did gain a significant amount of soldiers and resources from the defeat of Yuan Shao and his children, not all of them would be deployed at Chibi, not if Cao Cao was smart, Lu Su chided with a wry sense of humor when Lü Meng looked unconvinced. Not to mention he still had his share of problems with the west, with Ma Teng and Han Sui and their famed cavalry looking to put an end to Cao Cao’s tyranny at any moment. He would undoubtedly sent a substantial unit to keep them at bay, and then there was the matter of keeping a fair unit back as reinforcements, so logistically speaking, the amount of active officers that were to be sent to Chibi could not possibly amount to that ridiculous number and that the sheer amount of vessels he commanded was more or less a show of force and meant purely to intimidate their enemy, which it had almost succeeded in doing had Zhou Yu and Lu Su not addressed the matter with Lü Meng and the rest of their men. 

There was still some concerns, however, as though they may not have held such a massive force as they proclaimed, they were still horribly outnumbered, but again, that fear was quelled easily. Outnumbered they may be, the coalition had the advantage of terrain. The size of Wei’s navy was massive, but the men stationed on the vessels were poorly trained and knew nothing of walking on a boat that was adrift on the river, much less how to conduct naval battles or fight atop them. When it came time to strike, no doubt the experienced Wu soldiers would fair better.

But Cao Cao seemed to have realized this as well, and he found a solution to his soldiers’ concerns and complaints of illness. Chains were placed on each vessel, binding them not only to the shore but to one another, cutting the rocking and swaying considerably. But, before Lü Meng could even utter a word of concern, he was admonished quickly and his well-meaning concerns were quelled. Thus far it had all been going according to plan. The one responsible for linking the boats was a mole on their side, a good friend and classmate of Zhuge Liang. Dubbed the Fledgling Phoenix, Pant Tong had infiltrated the ranks and put the suggestion in Cao Cao’s head. This would limit the boats’ movements and while it kept the men aboard from getting sick, it would leave them at the mercy of the Coalition’s grand strike, which Lü Meng eventually and was told by an almost uncharacteristically giddy Zhou Yu, that they planned on devastating the bulk of Cao Cao’s fleet with a fire attack.

Now things were beginning to fall into place and Lü Meng found himself in awe. Through clever planning and strategy, Zhou Yu, Lu Su and Zhuge Liang had taken what looked like a hopeless situation and turned it around. It made all of their efforts to educate him and his own studies all the worth it. It made everything that he had endured at Zhou Yu’s hands in the last three years have a purpose, a meaning. it was such a strange feeling, this gratification, and yet, in a way, he welcomed and feared it.

Would it all work, he pondered, keeping his thoughts to himself though he knew his teachers would read him like an open scroll. And what of the rest?

He was told by Taishi Ci to take a step back and allow Zhou Yu and Lu Su do the planning, and thus far, all they had asked him of him was if he understood what they were doing from time to time. Never did they ask for his input or an opinion. And, even more disturbing, he was grateful for it. He asked questions and he seemed to understand and gave them well enough answers, but he knew that this level of planning was currently beyond him. They had a solution for almost every obstacle, before Lü Meng had even realized there was an obstacle! Knowing strategy in theory and being able to execute it were two entirely different matters, and he held no grudge against Zhou Yu’s request to hold back and observe. He may have learned much already, but he still had a ways to go…

There were still some problems, however, and it was these that were gnawing at Lü Meng’s conscience now.

It shouldn’t have been any surprise that Lord Zhou Yu was promoted to title Chief-Commander for this operation, with the veteran Cheng Pu named the Co Chief-Commander. Sun Quan felt that the task of running the army was too great for one man, considering they had never launched an assault at this level before, and so Zhou Yu was put in charge of the offense while Cheng Pu was given the responsibility of the defense. A fitting match, as Lord Zhou Yu admitted to favoring the offensive and wouldn’t have accepted any less, but it had greatly offended Cheng Pu. The veteran was many years Zhou Yu’s senior and had served the Sun family loyally since the days of Sun Jian, along with Huang Gai and Han Dang. None questioned either his devoutness to the Sun family nor the insight of his experience. But Cheng Pu had become increasingly sour and while there had yet to be any obvious consequences besides complaints to other officers, many feared it was only a matter of time before that problem exploded and reared its ugly head. Zhou Yu merely hoped that whatever grievances Cheng Pu had would not interfere with his duties or the operation.

What bothered Lü Meng was that he could tell that Zhou Yu was blowing off the problem until later and that in itself could have bred more animosity, but given how busy the Chief-Commander already was, it wasn’t too far-fetched that Cheng Pu’s resentment was hardly worth his time.

Another problem came from the weather, not too oddly enough. Their fire attack had relied on many key components to work, and they had linked the boats and were now considering a way of setting the fire itself when it all came to a grinding halt. Lü Meng thought little of it when the banner hit Zhou Yu in the face while they were surveying the landscape, but he could never forget the bloodcurdling scream that his mentor let out. Never in a million years could he forget such a sound! He had his own battle-hardened reflexes to thank in sparring the Chief-Commander from hitting the earth as he leaned to the side to catch Zhou Yu as he fell from the saddle. They rushed him back to his tent, looking for an arrow or anything that might have indicated a wound that would have caused such a cry, and anytime they tried to question him, he would ramble out words but none of it made a lick of sense. It wasn’t until he was settled in his tent and being seen by both a physician and Lu Su did Lü Meng know the truth of what happened. 

“He’s fine.” Lu Su told him, sounding thoroughly aggravated to the point that it was almost humorous, though Lü Meng knew better than to spare a laugh. No, not with what he witnessed and Lu Su’s almost uncharacteristic saltiness, he simply knew better than to even crack a smile. “You know Lord Zhou Yu. He has a flare for the dramatics, but this does pose a problem. The winds are blowing in the completely wrong direction.”

All strained humor on their Chief-Commander’s dramatic reaction aside, it was easy to see what had caused Zhou Yu so much distress. The winds needed to blow from the southeast, otherwise not only would they fail to spread among the linked Wei vessels but they would send the flames back to their own ships. No, for once, Lü Meng didn’t think Zhou Yu to be over dramatic in the least, but he dared not say this to Lu Su. No doubt his annoyance came from the sudden hitch in their place and a debate on if Zhou Yu’s meltdown was justified or not wouldn’t offer much of a solution to the current dilemma. How could they overcome this obstacle when nature itself seemed to stand against them?

That was when Zhuge Liang arrived from his own camp and this was the third problem that seemed to plague them. Since his arrival with his lord, Zhuge Liang had been a constant thorn in Zhou Yu’s side and it was hard not to notice this. Lü Meng couldn’t will himself to forget the suspicion in Zhou Yu’s dark brown eyes when he first laid eyes upon him and since then, the tension and sparks that erupted between them only continued to escalate. They had many similarities and yet, it only seemed to add to the distrust in Zhuge Liang that Zhou Yu felt. Every little thing became a competition between them and for every challenge that Zhou Yu gave the opposing strategist, he matched it and surpassed it with such ease that some began to think the Sleeping Dragon to be some kind of wizard or mystic. 

Lü Meng, however, knew what Zhou Yu was doing and had mixed feelings. He was testing Zhuge Liang, prodding him for weaknesses and looking for something he could use against him, but unlike Lü Meng, Zhuge Liang would not only match each task given to him but would excel, and the venom on that dagger would be the opposing strategist’s cool demeanor, as though what he had accomplished wasn’t such a feat. That modesty, whether genuine or farce, drove Zhou Yu mad, and given how Lü Meng had been a victim of that method for so long, still was in a way, he should have found some kind of delight in seeing Zhou Yu’s antics turned against him. But he felt no such thing. No, all he felt, if anything, was a sense of growing dread. Why was Zhou Yu so adamant on finding a weak spot in their ally, when when or if he found one, what could he do with it? It only confirmed the feeling in his gut, to see Zhou Yu so worked up, though Lu Su worked to keep the two in check, which was certainly not an easy task. Lü Meng may have had his suspicions, but he did his best to keep them reined in, where as Zhou Yu could not be convinced otherwise. Was Zhuge Liang merely an unassuming overachiever, or was Zhou Yu right to be so wary of him? 

Whatever Zhuge Liang had said to Zhou Yu, however, had soothed the distraught Chief-Commander and once again, he was back to his feet, though he did not share the secret of his miraculous recovery with Lü Meng. The most he told him was that Zhuge Liang had promised that the winds would blow from the southeast and that to leave it to him. The smile he wore didn’t help in calming Lü Meng’s curiosity, but he clung to Taishi Ci’s advice and tried to accept that, whatever the situation, Lord Zhou Yu had it under control.

The last ‘hitch’ in their plan had been about as confusing as Zhou Yu’s sudden illness and just as sudden recovery. Out of seemingly nowhere, Huang Gai had started spouting insults to their Chief-Commander, flinging about accusations and outright calling him a warmonger and tyrant. No one was certain where this came from and the most any could figure was that they had a disagreement on something, but Zhou Yu was quick to retaliate, ordering soldiers to apprehend the much loved veteran. Lü Meng and others watched as Huang Gai was flogged, each blow was accompanied with a new insult and twenty lashes later, when it was clear that Zhou Yu could not stand to strike anymore, Huang Gai’s back was a bloodied mess, only adding to the scars he had gladly wore in his many, many years of loyal service. Now, it seemed to have gone to waste, as Lü Meng couldn’t think that any would remain so loyal after such a lashing.

And yet, Lu Su pulled Lü Meng aside and explained that this, too, was all Huang Gai’s part of the plan, as his inevitable ‘defection’ was to be the arrow that would trigger the fire attack. Already reports of Huang Gai’s punishment had reached Wei’s camp and the supplies and men that the treacherous general would bring was nothing more than kindle, hay and explosive powder. It was all a show, an elaborate but very risky show, and paired with the chained boats that Pang Tong put into play and the winds that Zhuge Liang promised would be the nail in the coffin for Cao Cao.

It was all coming together, and not too soon. By now, their enemy was fat with arrogance and given what little they truly knew they had every right to be. From where they stood, they had every advantage accounted for, and the latest development of one of their most loyal officers defecting would certainly be the finishing blow to the coalition’s morale. To the unsuspecting Wei, the battle was all but won. Lü Meng peered at the vessels that crowded the other side of the Yangtze, drifting calmly and completely unawares of its impending demise come nightfall and he could feel a sense of apprehension rock him. Dusk was already upon them and all were preparing for the battle ahead, which meant that he needed to get to work as well.

He figured he spent enough time admiring Zhou Yu’s strategy and now it was time to put it all into action. The last and final component was yet to be seen. Zhuge Liang promised the winds would blow in their favor, and for all of their sakes, he hoped the man was right. It was simply out of his control and he had to accept it.

It was just as well, too, because he could see trouble brewing on the docks. Gan Ning, in his typical fashion, was among a group of soldiers, recounting one of his many endeavors out at sea and all but reenacting a fitting tale in particular. From an outsider’s point of view, one could accuse him of boasting, perhaps even exaggerating details and leaving out others, but seeing the reaction from the entranced soldiers, Lü Meng was willing to let it be. His boasting, as cocky as it may have played him up to be, was doing well for keeping the men’s spirit up, and after the public lashing of Huang Gai, staged or not, it was desperately needed.

From where Lü Meng watched, he couldn’t help but find himself smiling at his antics. It kept the men happy, kept Gan Ning from disrupting his preparations, and so all was well for the moment. He wouldn’t be the dark cloud that would roll in to tell them that their brave and fearless Pirate of the Silken Sails had called for surrender against their current enemy.

It made him curious as to why he’d have wanted that, but any chance he had to convince himself he already knew the answer was shot when he heard something splash against the water. On the edge of the docks was Ling Tong, standing straight though his shoulders were hunched, giving him a perfect idea of what kind of mood the young officer was in. He couldn’t see his face, but he didn’t need to to know there was anger in those eyes and it wasn’t just the sight of the formidable navy that waited hungrily on the opposing shore that fueled it. 

Despite his better judgement, he approached the brooding young man, leaving Gan Ning to carry on his epic tale to attend to Ling Tong instead. He tried to think of a good ice breaker instead of addressing the obvious elephant in the room, but it wasn’t all that easy. Charging into battle with reckless abandon was easy. Dealing with another’s man’s grief and justified rage against an ally they he could never hope to get revenge again? Terrifying. “Trying to sink all those ships on your own?”

Ling Tong didn’t jump at the sudden voice though the way his light brown eyes widened as he turned to face him did let him know that he was far stealthier than he ever thought himself to be. There wasn’t lingering resentment in them at least, though once his gaze cast over Gan Ning in the short distance, it soured somewhat. It was enough to know that it wasn’t directed towards him, honestly. “Glad you think I’m capable. But, nah, I’m not that stupid. That’s -his- job. We could launch him on a catapult and hope his ego would be enough to sink them.”

No need to ask who -he- was and Lü Meng fought from having the corners of his mouth droop. He may have hid it beneath a layer of sarcasm, but the venom in his voice was just as potent and Lü Meng heard it just as clearly as the bells that jingled even at this distance. He glanced at the former pirate and offered a shrug, though he made sure to not sound too gruff or that he was blowing off Ling Tong’s concerns. When handling Ling Tong, one had to be careful, or maybe it was just Lü Meng that found it difficult. Walking on eggshells was hardly his thing, but for Ling Tong, he was willing to at least try, even if he felt so inadequate about it. “Perhaps so, but it won’t take a single rock, even one as heavy as his ego. Don’t put too much weight into his stories. He’s a braggart, but a skilled one when pushed hard enough.”

Ling Tong spat, returning his gaze to the enemy’s navy though Lü Meng took no offense. At least he was talking to him. Somewhat. “So long as he pulls his weight, I don’t care.”

Oh, he will, Lü Meng thought though why he chose to keep this to himself he wasn’t sure. Perhaps he didn’t want to add anymore fuel to that fire, or perhaps of all the bravery he knew he held, facing Ling Tong’s ongoing turmoil was still too terrifying task for him to face. So, like the coward that he was, he searched for his escape route and took it. He offered Ling Tong a pat on the back, though, putting a little more force than he intended so that he could hide the face of just how inadequate he felt in all of this. “Just, let him have his fun for now. He’s doing wonders for our men’s morale as it is and we always need warriors with experience like his. Focus your energy on the real enemy across the river.”

He half expected Ling Tong to shrug him off and retaliate, but to the young man’s credit, he merely remained stiff beneath his touch and held his tongue with considerable constraint. That was enough for Lü Meng and he retreated, hoping that Ling Tong, nor Gan Ning or anyone else could see the self-loathing in his eyes as he returned to his horse’s side and pulled himself onto the saddle. His unit was already boarding their assigned vessel and waiting his command and not a single one questioned that look their general wore. No, they knew him well enough to leave it be. Too much was already on his plate and none of them wanted to be victims of his retaliatory snap for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

It would be the first ride out without Lady Ren either present in their company or trailing them, but none dared push the matter out to the open. It was far too dangerous for a woman in her current delicate condition to ride out and the last thing any of them wanted to experience, or even THINK about it happening, was her going into labor while Wu was to pull off their grand fight against Cao Cao. It might have made for an interesting story to tell others, but they had a feeling that their general would not be the type to appreciate the chance to recite such a tale like Gan Ning was currently doing now. The less he thought about Ren and baby three that was dangerously close to waltzing into the war torn world, the easier Lü Meng could breathe. 

No sooner did he try to push the stressful matter to the back of his mind did something else come along to help with it, though he wasn’t sure if this would have been any better. “Lü Meng, a moment of your time!”

It was interesting that, of all people, Zhou Yu was asking permission to speak with him, but he brought no attention to it. He motioned for his men to board their boat and pulled Ying around to face the Chief-Commander’s own chestnut. He looked to be in high spirits and any apprehension he might have had was well hidden from where Lü Meng was, but he knew that he’d be out of luck if he thought he could ring such emotions out of the strategist. Even his dramatic collapse at the realization of the wind seemed more or less a ploy to throw off their enemy. “You have your orders?”

“I do, my lord,” Lü Meng said, not pressing for the cause of the meeting just yet. For all he knew, he was merely doing some last minute checks before the battle would commence and this was merely to quell whatever anxieties he had. “We are set to follow Lord Huang Gai’s vessel once the flames spread.”

“Precisely. However, I have a specific mission for you.”

It hit him like a slap to the back of his throat and it took everything and more not to reach like it physically did. His mind erupted into a million thoughts but one could hardly tell by the way he forced his face to remain perfectly still. He wasn’t sure how long it’d last, so he took full advantage of it to ask. “What is it?”

“Before I tell you, answer me truthfully. Do you trust me?”

It wasn’t as foolish as a question as one would think. Years ago, no, he wouldn’t have. Now, with what he knew of Zhou Yu, with what he knew of politics, of strategy… it was still a difficult question. But Lü Meng, ever truthful, ever obedient, answered without a second thought. “With my life, Lord Zhou Yu.”

This answer both surprised and pleased him immensely, and it had taken a moment for the Chief-Commander to recover. Either his response truly startled him or what he would ask of him was to be a heavy order indeed. “Once the wind blows from the southeast, I want you and a small regiment of your unit to break off and apprehend Zhuge Liang while he is at the altar.”

“Apprehend? My lord-”

“Don’t question me. Not right now. Why I ask this and how you do it are not important, just do this for me and for Wu, please.”

It wasn’t so much an order as it was a near desperate request, and the look the Chief-Commander gave him killed anymore objections brewing in his gut. Zhou Yu wasn’t the type to beg, nor was he the type to make such a request or do anything without reason. Whether that reason had a deeper purpose or merely served to appease his borderline jealous nature, however, remained to be seen. For now, all Lü Meng needed to do was obey and perform to the best of his ability and hope that whatever intentions Zhou Yu had were truly in Wu’s best interests.

Of course it would be, he told himself, ashamed of himself even has had questioned it. Lord Zhou Yu would not squander their chance for victory and their alliance if it didn’t serve Wu’s best interest. He told himself this again and again before giving Zhou Yu a tight bow, missing the relief on his handsome face in doing so though for the best, otherwise his mind would have been lost in thought. “Very well, Lord Zhou Yu.”

“Thank you, Lü Meng. I promise, I’ll share my reasoning with you once this is over.” Oh yes, Zhou Yu was relieved and he was already pulling his horse around to return to his own duties once more, leaving the general to his own preparations. “You are free to use whatever excuse should he question you. I leave this to your complete discretion. Good luck, general.”

“You as well, my lord.” And as always, Lü Meng meant it, holding his position for a moment more and watching Zhou Yu and his horse depart in a brisk canter, before giving Ying a pat on the neck to calm his own nerves. What Zhou Yu had asked of him was no small order, of course, and he half wondered if either Lu Su or even Lord Quan knew anything about this. Not that it mattered at the moment, he reminded himself. No, what he needed to do was think of a reason to give Zhuge Liang as to why he was being detained. Another test. Always a test. As flattered as he was that Zhou Yu had confided in him to carry out this task, he wasn’t quite sure he could handle a battle of wits against the famed Sleeping Dragon. How desperate was Zhou Yu to trust this task to him?

Pretty damn desperate, he concluded with a heavy sigh. He moved to join his unit. He still have to pick those that would accompany him and explain to them their new assignment and best get to that now before the winds suddenly shifted directions on him and he lost his element of surprise.

~*~*~

A wave of anticipation hit everyone on the southeast end of the banks when the wind changed. It was not a subtle change, not in the least, and no doubt their enemy had noticed the strange occurrence as well though few, if any, on the north end of the bank knew what was coming.

Huang Gai’s vessel, packed with hay, wood and powder, surged forward at insane speeds, aided by the winds and by the time the Wei officers wised up and thought to turn their archers against the approaching vessel, Huang Gai and his company flung their lit torches into the boat and abandoned the vessel, leaving it to careen into the boat that would act as the vanguard of such a massive navy. From where the officers of Wu and their allies watched, it was a damn fantastic spectacle to watch and the moment the flames ignited and jumped from one boat to the other, it was their signal to attack.

Lü Meng and his own company had already moved out. The moment the banner switched directions, he motioned to Xu Sheng and the officer gave a terse nod, before ordering their vessel to go. This left his general and the ones he selected to accompany him on the shore. Everything was set in motion and now all that was left to do was allow the battle of the century to commence without him. 

There was some bitterness in his men to not be part of the action. Hell, there was some in him! But he was quick to quell any of it by reminding them that this missing was no less important than serving the vanguard. It was enough to convince them to keep their complaints in their heads, at least, as none dared argue. He picked those that he did for a reason and they had to know it. They had a job to get done and they’d do it, for not only their general, but for Lord Zhou Yu, Lord Quan and Wu as well.

Once they mobilized towards the altar, though, it was clear that something was off. There were certain traits that came with life on the battlefield, ones that soldiers picked up on quickly if they wished to survive long enough to ascend the ranks. He chose fifteen officers, himself included, to ride out, but shortly after they started their ride, he could hear another set of hooves accompany them. He didn’t draw any attention to the additional rider, at least not immediately, but a quick glance at the one that lingered in the far back confirmed that whomever accompanied them was of Wu origin, as his garments reflected their standard and his face did strike a familiar chord within the general’s memory. He was part of Wu, certainly, but not part of -his- unit.

He wouldn’t remain in the dark for long, however, and the next series of hand motions only confirmed what he already knew. His fourteen riders broke off into two groups, seven taking the high route while the other seven broke off from the herd and disappeared into the nearby forest, leaving on Lü Meng and the odd man out. To give him credit, he didn’t panic and his looked of confusion lasted only a moment, as he knew he was caught and chose not to flee. 

“Who are you?”

Lü Meng chose to be straightforward and hoped that the one that chose to follow him was forewarned about his brusque nature. Had he known, then he might have appreciated the general’s efforts in isolating the two while he grilled him for answers, as he assumed he was trying his best to merge in with his unit and did not want to be singled out with others present. He didn’t seem too taken back by Lü Meng’s question and he pushed his own horse forward to ride along side him. “I’m Lu Xun, my lord.”

Lü Meng nearly flinched at the moniker he used for he didn’t think to correct him. Lu Xun was a name he heard of but only in passing and he never seen him before until now. He was a rather young looking man, likely around Zhu Ran’s or even Lord Quan’s age, but by appearance alone, one could have confused him for a teenager’s that wondered onto the battlefield (something not unfamiliar to Lü Meng, of course). The most distinguishing features, besides his criminally youthful appearance, was the hat he wore, perhaps a family heirloom, as it bore a familiar crest of wings on its front, and the strands of sandy brown hair that escaped from his ornate headpiece did little to distract him from the golden eyes that threatened to pierce through him with each passing second. As Lü Meng continued his silent inspection, Lu Xun addressed him. “Sir, I was asked to accompany you so that I may learn from you. I’m-”

But he was cut off and Lü Meng did little to hide his impatience, even if it wasn’t directed at him. “By who?”

“By Lord Zhou Yu, Lord Lü Meng.”

His default expression had always favored a strained mask of barely held together neutrality, with a hint of a scowl thanks to the shape of his eyebrows. It was always easy to let that mask drop into his more natural scowl and now it was no different. When did this happen? Didn’t Lord Zhou Yu trust him? Lu Xun mistook the cause of his scowl and immediately sought to remedy it, and if anything, his earnest enthusiasm made it hard for the general to stay too angry with him. “I know it is sudden, but I’ve studied the Art of War and countless other documents, all of which I’ve memorized. I’ve heard much about you and it would be an honor to learn on-hand military matters from you.”

It seemed an innocent enough gesture but Lü Meng was still disturbed by the idea of being assigned what he figured to be a student had rubbed him in all of the wrong ways. Was now truly the time for such a thing? He muttered softly to himself, taking full advantage of the pounding hooves to mask what he said before addressing Lu Xun again. “Very well. Shadow me, and do as I tell you. I’d rather have time for orientation, but we can worry about that after we’re done with our mission.” 

Yes, shadowing would have been the best for this one, he thought, as he noted the twin sabers as his waist and the bow and quivers attached to the saddle on the side. Mounted archery would have been extremely useful, but twin sabers weren’t suited for mounted combat, no matter how skilled the individual may have been. “Thank you for this privilege, my lord. I won’t let you down.”

Lü Meng was caught between humored and annoyed at the sudden burden placed on his shoulders. Perhaps if he wasn’t on his way to apprehending someone that was suppose to be their ally, he might have gotten a kick out of all of this, but no, as it was, this new development would only drag him down and he knew that Zhou Yu would have known this. Still, he wouldn’t have saddled the young officer with him if he didn’t have a good reason and that was enough to get him to just accept it for now. Once they apprehended Zhuge Liang, then he’d worry about getting this matter of an impromptu student straightened out… assuming Zhuge Liang was even there!


	25. The Wolf and the Hare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng's efforts to chase down Zhuge Liang leads him into the Yangtze and Sima Yi tends to some guests...

By the time Lü Meng and his men plus one reached the altar, the sky was lit up from the blazing inferno that was once Cao Cao’s mighty navy, chasing away the natural darkness of night and giving the illusion of day across the watery battlefield. There was no need for torches though it didn’t stop them from keep the lit, and it was this extra light that had likely saved him and his unit from making such a grievous mistake.

When they arrived to surround the altar, they saw no sign of Zhuge Liang or any in his unit. The only one there was a single officer, armed only with a dagger, and it and the man himself were immediately disarmed and thrown to the ground before Lü Meng could even look at his would-be assailant’s face. It wasn’t until he threw the poor man over his shoulders and was going to pin him down with his glaive that he got a good look at his face and immediately realized his error. 

It wasn’t Zhuge Liang, but his brother, Jin, a man currently employed under Wu as one of the many advisers that had called for war against Cao Cao. Lü Meng lifted the man up and placed him back on his feet just as quickly as he threw him down and he never had a chance to apologize before Zhuge Jin cut him off. “General! I’m so sorry to have assaulted you. I heard your men approach and feared you were Wei scouts.”

It made sense, as none of his men spoke and all the man heard were the hooves and nickering of horses. No, not at all surprising that he might have feared it being their enemy.

“It’s alright,” Lü Meng said, dusting the man off and making a point to ignore the humored looks he got from his own man. The only thing that spared them from a verbal lashing was the fact that they remained vigilant as their general assisted the sorely out of place adviser. “I was unaware you were stationed here. Are you alright?”

“Spooked. I’ll never underestimate your swiftness again, general!” And then, like a candle that had erupted into light spontaneously, his dark eyes lit up with realization, and any humor, forced or awkward it may be, disappeared. “General, I was asked to come here by my brother, but when I arrived, it was deserted.” Then his own curiosity got the better of him and he was searching Lü Meng’s face for something, though what the general wasn’t sure. “Why are you here and why have you brought such a force?”

Lü Meng recalled his orders and took comfort in the lack of orders that requested he remain discreet. Zhou Yu probably figured that the apprehending of their ally against his will would be difficult to hide and Lü Meng took full advantage of this to explain simply. “Lord Zhou Yu ordered that I was to take your brother back to Wu once the winds changed direction.”

But it was clear that Zhuge Liang wasn’t there, and said man had had lead his brother here in his place. It didn’t take long for both of them to draw the same conclusion and Lu Xun had the privilege of seeing another hand motion in action. An open palm to the seven on the left and a closed fist with a little shake for the remaining seven. The men on the left mounted their horses and were already on the move, as the rest swept the area, falling into defensive positions around the altar. That left their leader, Lu Xun and Zhuge Jin to themselves though not for too long. Lü Meng let out a whistle and Ying was at his side in almost record time, and Zhuge Jin shook his head as the general jumped onto the saddle. “Then perhaps Lord Zhou Yu was right to send you, though my brother clearly anticipated it. I fear he’s up to something, though what, I don’t know.”

“I’m going to find out. Lu Xun, accompany Lord Zhuge Jin back to the main camp. Inform Lord Zhou Yu and Lord Quan that I’m going to pursue him.” Lü Meng was too eager to head out and so was Ying, though he managed to keep the horse from just bolting away. This distracted him from the startled look that Zhuge Jin wore when he looked towards Lu Xun, having not noticed the youth was there until the rest of the men had left and Lü Meng drew attention to him. Lu Xun was going to argue but Lü Meng put a quick end to that before the young officer could even utter a word of protest. “I need Zhuge Jin to return unharmed so that he can collaborate his findings with our lords. I need you to do that. We’ll return, with either Zhuge Liang in custody or at least a lead on his location.”

Or what his scheme is, Lü Meng thought to himself. Perhaps it was still early to make such assumptions. For all he knew, Zhuge Liang may have simply felt his duty was fulfilled and departed to safer grounds. But then why ask his brother to meet him at the altar, and why was Zhuge Jin suspicious now? If even his own brother was weary, then no doubt it was for a good reason. He could hardly blame Lu Xun for his objection, but he wasn’t going to entertain it, as he pulled his eager horse about and kicked him into a canter before the young officer could even manage a full sentence. “But, Lord Lü Meng, what about-”

It did not take long for Lü Meng to catch up with the ones he sent ahead and none of them had good news for him. Their target was nowhere to be seen and the notion that he made his escape on land seemed far fetched now, It was a smart move on his part, Lü Meng had to admit, as it would have left tracks. Not productive for someone on the run, he told himself. Zhou Yu’s suspicions seemed all the more justified now. Zhuge Liang was up to something, but what?

“We should try the river.”

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he wasn’t sure which officer made the suggestion, but he knew it to be a sound idea. Yes, it would be better flee by boat and very easy to slip by unnoticed onto one of the subsidiaries with the battle going on. Why hadn’t he considered that before? He felt like such a-

His thoughts rocked off the tracks at the sound of what he could have easily mistook to be a wild boar squealing in terror and agony, and it was what alerted him to the upturned boat and the vessel that had turned it over with its wave. Thanks to the flames that lit up the night sky, he got a clean shot at its inhabitants, one of which was damn near unmistakable.

Zhuge Liang!

Without thinking, Lü Meng pulled at the reins and turned Ying towards the river, knowing full well and from experience that his horse had no fear of running water. He wanted to think that the sight of his stead bounding off the bank and gliding into the river might have been a majestic one to have witnessed, but he didn’t waste too much time dwelling on his appearance, not when Zhuge Liang was getting away. 

The water was frigid, despite the flames that roared just feet above its surface nearby, and Lü Meng was hard pressed to hold back his gasp as Ying sunk in deep enough to hit his legs and waist. Oh, he certainly couldn’t blame his horse for his startled grunt or whatever sound that poor distressed creature made for its dismay. It was like swimming through ice! Still, he pressed onward, promising Ying an entire barrel of apples as he urged him forward. He stood on the stirrups of his saddle to help alleviate some weight from the poor horse’s back and with it, he could get a better look at the illuminated river as well as the inhabitants on the small boat- one was Zhuge Liang, of which there could be no doubt, and the other, greenish-blue armor, decorated with what he could guess was a dragon motif and an impressive spear, one that he was certain he was quite skilled with should he or Zhuge Liang feel threatened. 

It would alter his approach- if Zhuge Liang’s intentions were malicious and he intended to flee, then no doubt the warrior with the spear would be expected to defend him and a fight would break out. Not that the idea bothered Lü Meng, nor did he have reason to fear this spear man, but he had a feeling their respected lords would not approve of an all-out fight. It would require some wits to figure out a means to board the vessel without appearing threatening, assuming he could even reach it! The wind only worked in its favor and he couldn’t force Ying to press on any further, not when the poor horse’s neck was slowly being submerged. “Dammit,” he cursed aloud, watching the vessel slip further and further away and debating if he should continue or retreat back to short and follow along the bank. “Idiot.”

Ying balked and started to resist, and it was his stallion’s distress more than the growing numbness in his own legs and waist that made the decision for him. He pulled at the reins and began to coax the disgruntled horse back to the shore, though he didn’t need much coaxing. This was foolish, he chided himself during his retreat back to shore, refusing to look at his men’s faces to see their humor or looks of pity, as they could only imagine how uncomfortable the freezing water would be to one’s loins. 

Something splashed next to him and it was a damned miracle that he did lash out- he didn’t see what it was and could have easily thought it to be a fish or an alligator, but it was the frigidness of the water that slowed his reflexes enough to where he could see it was only a dog that barely paddled towards him. It wheezed and squealed weakly and without thinking, the general reached and grabbed at the soaked folds around its neck, pulling the pitiful thing close to his chest as Ying swam towards the safety and warmth of the shore. The dog offered no resistance, nor could it even if it wanted to, as it looked up at his savior with bulging, weary eyes. The closer they got to shore and the light of the fire attack, the more he could see the creature he saved and he couldn’t stop the words from escaping from his chattering mouth. “You’re one ugly dog.”

It might have been cruel of him to say such a thing and whether the poor creature was physically marred from some freak accident or was unfortunate to been born with such a punched in face had no place in his mind, as the dog bared no grudge against his insult. No, it was far too grateful that he was being ferried away to safety and its efforts to thank him were weak but clearly being made to dampen Lü Meng’s chin with its tongue, the only warmth the poor thing had to offer and it was all too willing to share it. Lü Meng might have been touched by the notion, had Zhuge Liang not been getting away.

He pulled the soaked dog close to his armored chest plate and tried to maneuver it beneath the fabric to offer it some warmth as well as free his hands, and he was all too grateful when three of his men dismounted and waded into the shallows to help them up. There were few occasions when Ying tolerated others handling him without gnashing his teeth or headbutting the handlers and thankfully today was one of those days as the horse didn’t so much as snort or bat an eyes when the officers pulled at his harness and bridle to pull him out of the river when it was clear that he was having difficulty, and the moment they hit the shallows, Lü Meng jumped from his back, one hand on the saddle while the other braced beneath the dog’s haunch to keep it from falling out of the makeshift swaddle. He barked orders, pitching his voice even gruffer than usual so to hide how much his teeth chattered from the cold. “We’ll follow him along the river bank. Keep him in sight and do -not- lose him!”

“Belay that order!” Another voice rang out and one that Lü Meng couldn’t contest, even when he ordered his men directly beneath him. Those that hadn’t helped pull Ying and their general to shore turned to face Lu Su and his own regiment, and Lü Meng was all too surprised by the strategist’s appearance and did nothing to hide it. He managed a salute without dropping the shivering dog in his arms, even as Lu Su addressed him, his own surprise evident in his voice. “Lü Meng, what in heaven’s name are you and your men doing here? What could have possibly possessed you to jump into the Yangtze, and what is that pig doing in your coat?”

Lü Meng chose to ignore the last question and sought to provide an answer to both of the former. “Pursuing and attempting to apprehend Zhuge Liang, by Lord Zhou Yu’ orders, sir.”

He hoped it would have been a sufficient enough answer though the look of disappointment on Lu Su’s face certainly didn’t help matters. The dog snorted and wheezed but didn’t dissipate the tension in the least and though Lu Su didn’t address it further, he could tell that it was still on his mind. His agitation came from the orders, more so than Lü Meng’s carry on, at least. “Of course he would make such an order. Tell me, how were you planning to explain your actions to Lord Liu Bei when he’d undoubtedly ask.”

Lü Meng hadn’t even considered it and he felt he had a good reason not to have. Whether he was right on this or not, however, he began to doubt. “That I was following orders from my Chief-Commander and refer to Lord Zhou Yu for answers.”

It wasn’t a good enough answer for Lu Su and though he didn’t raise a hand to strike him, the look he gave warned him that it would be imminent if he wasn’t careful. “Not good enough. You could have driven a stake in our alliance with this stunt. The least you could have done was have a good excuse lined up!”

“I… yes, Lord Lu Su,” Lü Meng said, fighting the instincts to retreat from his gaze and standing his ground if only to save face before his men. Clarity had a way of hitting him too late but no, he definitely understood Lu Su’s anger now. Regardless of Zhou Yu’s decision to apprehend Zhuge Liang was justified or not, it was clear they missed the opportunity to do it discreetly, if there ever was a chance. Given the swiftness in which Zhuge Liang had made his departure, Lü Meng was wising up to the idea that there never was a chance and he couldn’t help but feel concern gnawing at his conscience now. Was this what Zhou Yu feared? Did he suspect Zhuge Liang would flee? All questions but no answers came to his mind and he felt no shame in turning to Lu Su for guidance. “So, what should we do now?”

“I’m going to borrow your men and continue our pursuit of Cao Cao. You,” Lu Su said, a bit of humored scorn hitting his voice as he uttered the word ‘you’ and pinned the general with a stern gaze. “You’re going to reconvene with those at the altar and return to the main camp until we send for you again. Someone needs to defend our lord in case our enemy’s planned ahead, as well as tend to his stowaway of a wife.”

It took entirely too long for it to sink in and Lü Meng had to remind himself that there was a dog trembling between his robe and breast plate, so letting out an angry shout would probably terrify the poor thing. What was Ren thinking, following after them when she could go into labor at any moment?!

Karma. That’s what it all was, he told himself, jumping onto the saddle once more and thankful that the leather saddle seemed to dry quick enough to spare him an additional discomfort. Ying grunted but otherwise obliged, merely grateful to be out of the freezing river and that his crazy master wasn’t leading him towards it again. For all the grief I put Deng Dang and my family, going to be feeling all of it now.

“Thanks for keeping me informed,” Lü Meng said, keeping his thoughts to himself, not wanting to bother Lu Su with another burden. He knew he’d take the fall and address Zhou Yu for him, and that was burden enough. It wasn’t a task that Lü Meng had wanted for himself. No, he didn’t envy Lu Su in the least. The strategist gave him a curt nod and left Lü Meng to his own journey. Once again, the battle of the century would take place without him, and when compared to apprehending a man suspected to be a future problem, returning to tend to his pregnant wife felt both underwhelming and yet absolutely horrifying. How was he expected to hold on to any of his well-justified anger when all it’d take was the smallest scowl or pout to silence him? It was hardly fair, and such a petty thing to worry about, he knew, when others had far more daunting tasks ahead of them. Zhuge Liang had already escaped, but Cao Cao… no, he couldn’t be allowed to escape, so in the end he counted his blessings that he wouldn’t have such a burden like that on his shoulders as well.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sima Yi knew that he had other duties to attend to and one of which shouldn’t have been the little insurance that Wu’s Chief-Commander left for Cao Ren, and yet, he could afford to make time for it. He wanted to believe in Cao Ren’s judgement, but he found trust in others, especially trust in the other kingdoms, either extremely difficult or simply non-existent. His mind raced with countless possibilities and yet when he finally saw the ‘insurance policy’ in person, he couldn’t stop himself from letting out a low chuckle. 

It didn’t take much to dissuade the guards from their post, though they made a point to stress that they would remained within earshot, should they be needed. One look at the woman that say in the chair close to them window told him that such a heavy, hell, even a light watch was unnecessary, as she looked the perfect part of a contented house cat that lounged near the window, admiring the freedom it could not have. 

There was no need to ask who this maiden was, as the red she wore was enough of an indication if Cao Ren’s clue wasn’t enough of one, though her name escaped his memory at the moment. She had yet to notice him and he made no effort to hide the humor in his voice as he announced himself. “So, you’re the reason why Lord Cao Ren is so certain-”

He was cut off by a loud series of barks and he wasn’t at all prepared for the fawn colored dog that had jumped off the woman’s lap and made a beeline at him, its large, bulging eyes wide with anger and coiled tail erect with warning. Had the small beast not been so aggressive with his approach, Sima Yi might have been amused at its absurd face and even fascinated that someone of her social rank would own a pug, but the odd-looking hellhound went straight for his ankles. What saved Sima Yi from feeling its bite and the dog from getting a well-placed kick to the chest was the second person in the room that Sima Yi failed to notice, as he seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “Baozi, heel!”

And just like that, the dog came to a grinding halt but not once did it take its eyes off the Wei strategist. Sima Yi’s savior stepped out into the open from behind the door, leaning the spear he carried against the wall and scooping up the pug, completely freeing the Wei strategist from a bite, as the young man, perhaps his late teens, early twenties at most, coaxed the dog in his arms. “It’s alright, Baozi. See, he means no harm. Just a visitor. Hush.”

Baozi’s growls may have subsided but never did he lose his alertness, keeping his black eyes on their visitor as the door was closed behind him, least the guards come running and make the situation even more awkward than it needed to be. 

Sima Yi wasn’t so much as afraid of the beast, simply not prepared, and once it was tucked safely in the young man’s arms, he found his voice again, taking special precaution to hide the annoyance that threatened to bubble out to the surface. “I see you’re well guarded, my lady. The guards outside are hardly necessary, not with these two… knights at your disposal.”

By now, the woman that sat at the window stood to her full height, though it was hardly impressive. Even from this distance, Sima Yi could tell she was short, and the heavy garments she wore had a way of accenting the pockets of pudge that she had accumulated through the years, not something he would have expected the privileged wife of Wu’s Chief-Commander would have had. And yet, she wasn’t comely, not by any means. Her pudge only added youth to her features and while she wasn’t a beauty, not by appearance anyways, but one look at her could throw even the most barbaric of savages off from wanting to harm a single strand of hair on her body. 

An impressive strategy, Sima Yi had to admit, as it was all too easy for him to get caught up on her supposedly helpless appearance to almost fall victim to her dog’s assault as well as left him blind to who he suspected was her son waiting in the wings. He had underestimated her. He was determined not to let it happen a second time. “No, but they’re welcomed nevertheless. Is there something either of us can help you with, my young lord?”

By now, the pug’s anger was sated, though it was hardly quiet. He let out a loud snuffling noise from its poorly bred nose and threatened to drown out whatever Sima Yi was going to say, though it hardly stopped the strategist in the least. “Yes, actually. I came to satisfy my curiosity, though seeing you both here more or less sates it, assuming you are who I believe you are.”

“Hm. Sounds like you’re an intelligent and insightful man,” Lady Ren said, smiling so warmly and bowing her head, giving him the proper respects he was due. There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm either in her voice or motions, but Sima Yi was so willing to dismiss the notion that it could still very well be present. There was something about her that warned him to be weary of this one, though one could think him to be digging for something that only the wolf could see but not the dog. It was too early to know and so he allowed her to carry on. After a moment she returned to her seat and made a motion to her son, speaking over the pug’s excited grunts as he set him down. “Who do you suspect us to be?”

The moment his legs hit the floor, Baozi trotted to her side and was back on her lap with a single bound, his ever watchful gaze set on the man that now approached Lady Ren. “You can be none other than the esteemed Wu Chief-Commander’s wife. Lady… Ren, I believe. And the young man is your son.”

Her smile was sweet, almost sickening so, but it hardly soured the atmosphere between them. “I didn’t think we were so renown. You’re absolutely right, young lord.”’’

“Of course I am,” Sima Yi said, soaking in her positive energy and only adding it to his growing understanding of the situation. Oh, yes. Now Cao Ren’s confidence was making much sense though there were still a few questions that lingered in his head and he was quick to want to find answers to them. “Perhaps not to much renown, my lady, simply a reasonable guess. Why else would Lord Cao Ren feel so much faith in our ally coming to our aid here and not simply abandoning us once they got what they wanted, if not for us holding his precious wife and dear child hostage?”

The son sneered but said nothing as he returned to his post behind his mother’s chair. Ren, on the other hand, gave a polite nod, scratching the pug behind the ears and keeping the misshapen hellhound sated for the time being. “Hostage isn’t the word I’d use, though. It gives the impression that I don’t want to be here and that’s just silly. I’m not here against my will, and neither is Ba, so please be mindful of your manners, dear. We’re guests here and you should appreciate Wei’s hospitality.”

Her son, Ba, was going to scowl in lieu of his mother’s scorn but he made a conscious effort to stop and settle back into a neutral expression. It was all too entertaining for Sima Yi and there was little need to hide the wolf-like grin that graced his features now. “You truly think that? Who put that thought in your head?”

“No one, because it’s the truth,” said Lü Ba, clearly speaking out of turn and moving to put himself between the two, making it clear that he held no trust for the Wei strategist. The pug began to growl again, spurred on by the anger present in the young man’s voice, but any retaliation from the dog was quelled by a soft ‘hush’ from Lady Ren, followed by a harsher tone for her son.

“Ba.” Her kind voice expressed only a hint of terse but never once raising in volume. That was all that was needed to silence her son, as all she gave him was a strict look and he retreated back to his post, muttering to himself though exactly what he said was a mystery to Sima Yi and would remain as such. Once again, there was no one between the two as even Baozi laid his head down on her lap and took on a semi-alert state as her tone of voice was enough to convince the dog that there was no danger here. “You must forgive him. He’s a little bored and the siege is digging under his skin. Not being allowed to do anything about it…”

“Is frustrating, yes,” Sima Yi said, finishing her sentence for her as she trailed off. Despite himself, he couldn’t hold that against the young man. Sieges like this had a way of unnerving the young and impatient and if one wasn’t there to rein them in, then they’d find only death waiting outside the walls that they grew weary of seeing day in and day out. The pity he felt for Lü Meng’s son was genuine though one couldn’t tell if going by his voice and mannerisms. “If it should please you, you’d do no better among our men as you do cooped up in here. In fact, I highly suspect Lord Cao Ren made a point for you to remain in here, where Shu scouts have no means of spotting you both. Wu soldiers among Wei would certainly arouse suspicions, much less his wife and son.”

“You suspect correctly, though, only partially. We’re still guests and our being assigned to his personal quarters is certainly not just for our safety and the safety of my husband’s operation, but for our comfort as well. Last I checked, guests don’t do well cooped up in the brig. I didn’t think Wei was all that different.”

He listened intently for any missteps, any hint or sign of distress, and found nothing. Either she was well-versed with this scheme and put on a good show, or she was truly daft and believed herself to be a guest and not simply leverage against her husband, should he show his true colors. Given what he knew of both Lord Cao Ren and Wu’s current Chief-Commander, though, it seemed damned peculiar that Cao Ren would hold against against their will, the least of all the wife, son and pet of one of his adversaries. “So, whose idea was this, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He looked hard at her face without making it seem so apparent, continuing his search for any inconsistencies in her face and her words. Thus far, nothing out of the ordinary from her but he was certain something was there as she returned his question with one of her own. “Oh, and how would I know? Word has it that you’re a genius and you know your fellow men well, as well as your enemies, as any good strategist should. Why don’t you take a guess, young lord?”

It had to have been a talent, for her words to be so mocking and yet her voice and mannerisms were so sincere and polite. An admirable feat, Sima Yi thought, and so he willingly entertained her with a guess, even when he was confident who was the one to suggest such a strategy. “Very well, if I had to take a guess… this came from your husband’s mind.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. I mean, it’s only obvious, is it not?”

There it was. A twinkle in her eyes and it was nothing short of a challenge. She didn’t even need to say a word, as he explained his guess with relish. “As fierce and unyielding a wall Lord Cao Ren is on the battlefield, he is too kind-hearted to resort to such a tactic, even if he had fooled himself into calling you ‘guests’. Something like this, holding a man’s wife and child hostage and masquerading it as hospitality? It goes against his nature, if I know Lord Cao Ren well. This tactic reeks of Wu origin, so it must come from your husband’s mind.”

“Oh, sorry, that might be Baozi. I think he left a present somewhere but I can’t seem to find it.” Ren continued to shower her dog with affection, despite his poor behavior, missing how Sima Yi tried to check his shoes discreetly as she did so. “We’re not allowed to go outside. He tries to hard to hide it, though, don’t you?”

The dog let out a wavering snort but nothing more, either in its defense or otherwise. Not that Sima Yi expected one. Pleased to find nothing unpleasant waiting for him on his feet, he pressed on, taking note of her deflection and ignoring it. “What I mean, my lady, is that this must come from your husband’s mind. Your husband does have a rather dubious track record, if I do recall. Using his wife and son like this hardly seemed beyond his realm of possibilities, whereas for Lord Cao Ren, it’d never cross his mind.”

“Dubious? How so?”

“My lady, surely you jest!” Mindful now of the little presents that could be lying about, Sima Yi’s approach was cautious and he made sure not only to stay out of the dog’s range but well within Ren’s line of sight, keeping a cautious eyes over her face and looking for the seams of her mask she forced herself to wear, no doubt coached by her husband to do so. She wanted him to think her oblivious, naive, and he was determined not to fall for it. Some like Lü Meng wouldn’t have married someone so simple and daft, so surely it had to be an act! “You should know of your husband’s deeds just as well as any other officer in Wu. If anything, you should know him most of all, if he confines in you. Who better to know his schemes than you, my dear?”

Her face remained calm, innocent and pure, even as the gentle stroking against the dog’s fur had ceased. She said nothing, which only prompted Sima Yi to push even further, certain that in doing so he would lure her out into the open and confirm what he was beginning to suspect. The hare could only remain calm and hidden for so long before its natural fear of the wolf forced it to make a run for it, and like the wolf, Sima Yi was eager to ensure the hare would only go in the direction he wanted it to. “Do you truly not know of your husband’s work? Does he not tell you of schemes he’s concocted and executed, of those that die from such schemes or carry on with the shame that fell for it? Has he not confided in you, or has he fooled even you? Do you even know your husband at all then?”

No anger, no shock. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to hide it, but it didn’t reflect in her voice and nor would she give up the source of that sadness, not so easily. She finally spoke, but it was nothing compared to his lengthy tirade, nor did it need to be. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t. I suppose that’d make me utterly useless to the enemy and opposing strategists when it comes to interrogations, don’t it?”

It had hit Sima Yi, but it was too late. The hare made a jump, as the wolf anticipated, but the hare managed to trick the wolf and go straight for the face. And this time, instead of leaping right into its jaws, it made the wolf flinch and that was all she needed. He was still thinking of what to say when Cao Ren’s voice reached their ears, the warning in his deep voice may as well have been the earth splitting beneath their feet with the forte feeding it. “And now that you’ve seen the ‘proof’ for yourself, I’ll ask you kindly to leave our guests in peace and return to your duties, Lord Sima Yi.”

And from Baozi, there was no angered barks or growls, but excited yips, as he once again jumped from his owner’s lap and ran circles around Cao Ren, doing nothing to alleviate the sudden tension that threatened to suffocate everyone present but still trying his hardest.


	26. Rescuing Gan Ning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng proposes a strategy to rescue Gan Ning and his men at Yiling...

It had only been a few days since the Yangtze exploded with the righteous flames of the coalition’s attack and yet it seemed the fight was destined to carry on into the neighboring Jing province. News of Cao Cao’s escape only spurred their forces onward. Lü Meng had pushed himself and those that remained behind to catch up, much to the dismay of their horses, but thankfully where the Wei forces made their stand at Nanjun wasn’t far enough to exhaust them. Knowing their enemy to be so close, however, triggered all sorts of anxieties and admittedly most might had to do with his paternal instincts kicking in so quickly after the birth of his youngest son and concern for his family’s and others well being was at an all time high. No, it would do him well to help drive Wei out of the Jing province and he wasn’t at all surprised that it was Zhou Yu’s plan all along.

Zhou Yu had more or less anticipated that they would hit some resistance once they reached the Jing province, whether Cao Cao was slain or not, and though he did not quite anticipate just how large a force had been stationed at Nanjun and Yiling, he seemed confident enough in their siege by the time Lü Meng arrived. Once greetings were exchanged, Lü Meng was brought up to speed on current affairs and he had to admit he was impressed by just how calm the Chief-Commander remained, despite the pressure being pressed down upon him all sides, even his own.

The Wei forces that occupied the Jing province were still numbering in the high range, even with their crushing defeat at Chibi. This hardly bothered the senior strategists, however, and given how they just sank Cao Cao’s grand navy, there were both confident going into this that they could do the same here, through careful planning and perfect execution. It would still be a daunting task, and already there were problems mounting.

Their greatest obstacle at the moment was the officer that Cao Cao had left in charge of guarding Nanjun’s defense itself, Cao Ren. One of many of Cao Cao’s relatives, the stalwart commander had not only solidified Wei’s defenses but had experience to boot, never seeming to drop his guard and not making the mistake of spreading his own forces too thin. Everything was fortified and any chance for a successful assault had thus far been met with heavy resistance. Zhou Yu and Lu Su were well aware of their enemy’s advantage and knew how difficult the road ahead would be, though they had yet to let it deter them from their own course. Obstacles or not, they were determined and confident that they could match their enemy’s wit and keep riding the advantage. They simply needed to approach with caution and precision…

Which wasn’t within Gan Ning’s repertoire, as it was now painfully obvious. By the time Lü Meng, his unit and his shadow, one named Lu Xun, arrived, Gan Ning acted as their vanguard and led the charge into the Jing province with reckless abandon. This hardly surprised Lü Meng, nor was he surprised to discover that the former pirate had made it all the way to Yiling before being cut off from the rest of the unit and was now holed up in an unfavorable position with only himself and now a handful left to defend their small garrison. No, hearing him getting himself into trouble didn’t surprise him at all and he managed to keep his ill-placed humor to himself. What did surprise him, however, was that though a messenger never came to request aid (no doubt due to either Gan Ning’s own stubbornness or the siege was too great to be able to get a man out), neither Zhou Yu or Lu Su would risk sending aid.

That was what surprised him the most and that he couldn’t hide even when it earned him a few curious looks. “We should go to his aid, my lords.”

He understood the look in their eyes but not so much the reason for it being there in the first place. They seemed surprised to hear such a suggestion, or perhaps it was the tone of voice he took as he admitted he sounded a little too heated even to his own ears. The first to offer his reasoning was the Chief-Commander himself, his voice heavy with regret that was likely shared by more than just himself. “We should, yes. But we have tried once before, with little success, and we cannot risk sending out another unit. Not for such a small force and now when they’re so heavily surrounded.”

Of those present in the war room, there was one that held no remorse for the ill fate that would await the famed Gan Ning of the Bells, and there was no need for the individual to utter a word for everyone to know his sentiments. Lü Meng could feel Ling Tong’s smile from where he stood looming over the map, his own gaze set firmly on the disc that represented their isolated officer and his dwindling unit. He didn’t trust himself to say anything to the young officer next to him as Lu Su carried on with catching Lü Meng up to speed. “Lord Cheng Pu was requested to lead said force but he took one look at the situation and turned back before even seeing what condition our troops were in. Though I still think it has more to do with just how futile the situation is and not disobedience, Lord Zhou Yu.”

“Could easily be both.” There was some lingering agitation in Zhou Yu’s normally cultured voice though he did not seem to focus on it for too long. 

Lü Meng had noticed their Co Chief-Commander’s absence from the gathering but he assumed him to be manning the defenses. Now it appeared that assumption was wrong and he was grateful for Zhu Ran’s aid, as he leaned close to the general, nearly pushing Lu Xun aside and not bothering with an apology, and whispered in his ear as it was clear neither Lu Su nor Zhou Yu would broach what was clearly a touchy subject. “He’s still bitter about sharing ranks with Lord Zhou Yu. Now he won’t even answer his letters.”

Lü Meng let out a gruff sound, not at all admiring Cheng Pu’s ‘bravery’ in doing so. He hadn’t even said a word and yet all eyes shot to him, more or less forcing him to speak his mind and add his input since it was now expected of him. “Childish prattle for someone who’s suppose to be setting an example to others.”

There was nothing either senior strategist could do to stop the mirth from washing over their features and though it didn’t last long, it was clear that both of them benefited from the momentary relief the candid statement brought them. Lu Su was still smiling when he pushed the topic of Cheng Pu’s willful disobedience aside and back to their stranded comrades, his grim statement a little jarring to those present all the more. “As much as I’d advocate playing the hero, I’m afraid Gan Ning’s on his own. He’s held out thus far, despite the odds against him. With any luck, he’ll break the siege or find a way to sneak out, though I’m sure it’ll be the last we’ll hear of him.”

“It would be unfortunate, but I suspect you’re right.” And just like that, the atmosphere became stifling once more. Lü Meng could tell that the two had already reached a conclusion on the matter. It might not have been an easy decision and nor would he ever accuse them of such, but he couldn’t help but want to resist it and it was all too obvious to them. “Gan Ning, for better or worse, is on his own. Right now we can’t spare any more men on such an attempt. Right now, we need to focus on protecting the main camp while pushing onward to Nanjun. I’m sorry, Lü Meng. Perhaps if you brought more men back with you, we could have enough to spare to launch a rescue.”

It was his way of offering condolences without exposing too much emotion. It was also his way of offering Lü Meng or another officer there a chance to persuade him. Lü Meng would have been a fool to miss such an opportunity, as he steeled his nerves for such an approach. He’d have one chance, and he’d have to be careful, something he still struggled with when under pressure. He looked at the map as he launched his own attack. “You’ve already sent one force and failed. They will not anticipate a second attempt, especially so soon, nor a large one. The main force can launch the rescue. Leave Ling Tong and his unit to defend our main camp instead.”

“Then that would leave our main camp undermanned,” Lu Su said, his voice a careful mix of caution and inquisitiveness, mortified yet interested in Lü Meng’s train of thought. As was everyone, it seemed, as every officer present kept their eyes on Lü Meng. He dared not look at a single one of them for too long, though, and he kept looking back at the map and moving to one side in particular, where the representation of their isolated unit was.

“Yes, but Ling Tong and his men would be more than enough to defend it. Ten days, more than enough time to mount a rescue and more time than our enemy would be willing to linger for too long if they suspect your main unit to return swiftly.” Lü Meng missed Ling Tong’s expression entirely as he pointed to a marker that was to represent the enemy caravan. No time to notice Ling Tong’s ego swelling when he felt he was onto something. “If we send a separate unit here and blockade their supply route, that would cut off their reinforcements and those besieging Gan Ning will have no clear route to escape through since that’s clearly their exit point. We can force them into the river when they retreat.”

“And gather their supplies, even their horses, since they’ll be more likely to abandon them,” Lianshi said, a lift in her voice that made it sound like a question without it actually being one. He had refused to look at Ling Tong but he couldn’t stop himself for casting a glance to Lianshi, taking in her approving smile and using that to bolster his own confidence. No surprise she’d catch on…

But just as quickly as one had offered aid, Zhou Yu sought a hole in his strategy and forced his gaze to meet his own. He knew damn well that Zhou Yu was testing him and failure of said test would only reflect poorly on him and cost them Gan Ning’s and his unit’s lives. “And who would you recommend for that task when we will likely need all the manpower we get in Gan Ning’s rescue? Who would you spare to cut off their supply line?”

Lü Meng thought the question over and now glanced across the room slowly, perhaps to give himself a hint of who he would entrust such a task to. The obvious answer were to have been himself or Taishi Ci, someone either swift or could in the very least maintain a good defense. But they would need all of their heavy hitters and experienced officers focused on Yiling, so a smaller, less obvious threat could break away from the main unit without being detected. Would such a force be able to hold up a solid defense, though? His mind told him no, but his heart felt it to be on the right track. Someone cleared their throat but by then Lü Meng was too focused on his task to see who it was or even care. Another glance at the map seemed to offer an answer and he pointed to the spot, failing to hid the way his voice practically lifted into the air with a little too much excitement. “Just a small demolition force, set here and here. We can obstruct the path with logs and firewood, cutting off their supplies and their escape route. With news of the main force on its way, they’ll be desperate for escape and will take to the river, and as Lady Lianshi said, we can recover their discarded supplies and horses.”

Nothing was said for the next few seconds, though for Lü Meng it may as well have been a century. He ran the idea in his head over and over again and found there wasn’t anything glaringly wrong with it. Not to say it wasn’t flawed either, but if it was, surely the senior strategists would have pointed it out by now. Lu Su scratched his chin, adding his input as Zhou Yu continued to mull it over in silence. “It can work. We can send a small demolition group ahead, no bigger than a scouting unit. They won’t send a force to investigate, not while they’re throwing everything they got into the siege. Hit it at the right spots and they won’t even realize it until they call for the retreat.”

The Chief-Commander gave a silent nod, in clear agreement, but he was still holding out. He needed something more and before Lü Meng could panic, he pried for one more answer. This one was a touch more personal than he or anyone else there had anticipated. “You seem so adamant on mounting this rescue for Gan Ning. Casualties are a part of war. Making sacrifices for the greater good is sometimes necessary. Why do you feel this risk is worth taking, and all for a single officer and a handful of men?”

Eyes from all over burned into him with Ling Tong’s being the fiercest and perhaps the only one filled with hate as opposed to the curiosity present in the others. It was all understandable emotions and Lü Meng hardly blamed any of them for it. It almost killed his courage but he held strong and allowed nothing but iron resolution to fortify his words, even when he knew at least one individual there would spat at his words and feel betrayal again. So be it, he thought, chasing away any doubts he may have had to give his answer to all present. “Because we’re in turbulent times, and not only would we need everyone we have at full capacity, but we’ll need someone of Gan Ning’s skills in the future. Maybe sooner than any of us might realize or want to admit. Warriors of Gan Ning’s caliber are in short supply and helping him now will be more beneficial to us in the long run. We can’t let him die or leave our forces because we’ll need him in the future.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“You felt so certain then.”

Lü Meng offered the Mystic the same thing he gave Zhou Yu that day and nothing less. “Maybe it was a hunch, but it was the truth. Whether any wanted to admit it or not, Gan Ning was and still is a valuable asset, and losing him there at Yiling would have been a grave error on our part.”

The look Zuo Ci gave him reminded him of the skepticism that other officers had reflected that day and it was almost enough to make him squirm. Almost. He held his ground now, just as he did back then, as he added, “You find it hard to believe because you, like others, didn’t know Gan Ning. But I did. We couldn’t afford to lose him. Still can’t.”

“Yes, but why else?” Zuo Ci’s dark eyes narrowed and Lü Meng bit back a sneer as he could feel his mind being pulled away from the present almost violently, even as Zuo Ci’s voice chased him through the rabbit hole. “Surely there was more than just for safeguarding a potential asset for your beloved Wu that caused to be so vehement in his rescue…”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The camp’s atmosphere had changed drastically since Zhou Yu had made the decision to rescue their isolated comrades, much to the relief of those stationed there since before Lü Meng had arrived. None had openly admitted their gratitude in his push for action, though it hardly bothered him. Now he was reunited with his unit once again and was more than eager to get back to business, even when he was being hounded every which a way in regards to his wife and newest son. 

He didn’t entertain them for long and gave them the bare minimum before ordering them back to work. They had a rescue to mount- they didn’t have time to dawdle on his family.

“They mean well,” Lianshi said, waiting until he dismissed another officer’s concerns before approaching him. It’d give him enough time to calm his nerves some before he risked any of his foul mood to roll over to her. She wore a kind smile, the type one would wear to soothe a weary animal and he certainly felt some relief from it. “They were worried about you and Lady Ren.”

He could hardly blame them, really. He wasn’t sure how news got out or realized how fast it spread, and if he ever got his hands on the rat, he’d give them something else to think about (involving his balled up fist to their eye). He was still reeling from the event himself and he didn’t appreciate how everyone seemed to have heard about how he returned to the main camp, sopping wet and still clinging to the pug he fished out of the river, and any chance he had to lecture his wife on her act was taken from him as her water broke on the spot, before he could even utter a word. As embarrassing as the story was, he couldn’t really blame the one that told the others about it, as it was both a humorous and hair raising experience for those involved. No doubt his men were worried for his wife and son… even when there was now no reason to be.

“I appreciate the sentiments, though I worry that they’re allowing themselves to get distracted.” It wasn’t that he didn’t care and in truth he felt some guilt to have caused them such concern, but he couldn’t help but feel anxious. Soon they’d have to depart and they’d have such a small time limit, and here his men were more worried about him! “I’ve been gone too long. I’ll have to get them back in shape.”

Lianshi’s smile never faded and he was surprised that she hadn’t asked how Ren and the new baby were doing. Of anyone there, Lianshi had every reason to push for answers, given how close the two were. Though, perhaps she was merely being polite and had gotten all she needed to know through the grapevine like everyone else supposedly had. He was also surprised not to see Lady Shangxiang with her and that caused him to give in to his burning curiosity. “Where’s the princess?”

“Not too far off. She’s conversing with Lord Liu Bei, alone.”

This bothered him, and probably for all the wrong reasons. “Isn’t that dangerous for her to be off on her own?”

The lady bodyguard’s smile faded somewhat, but it remained polite, meaning to hide any distress that Lü Meng managed to pick up on but to no avail. “Perhaps, but you know our princess. Once she sets her mind, or heart, on something, ill fortune awaits those who try to tell her otherwise.”

And now it was Lü Meng’s turn to smile, because he couldn’t help but think of Lord Sun Ce. How similar were the two? No, he could find no fault in Lianshi’s statement and he could empathize with her, having shared such a duty with a charge that held such a wild and untamed spirit within them. “Sounds rough.”

“And awfully familiar, I’m sure. I often think Zhou Tai was the luckiest of the three of us to have Lord Quan as his charge.”

Now that Lü Meng had trouble agreeing with. He struggled to remember if she was there when a bloodied Zhou Tai came riding into camp, soaked head to toe and the only clothing he wore was the blood of his enemies he fought off as well as his own, or the wails of a young and worried Lord Quan that the former pirate held close to his wounded body. Just thinking of it struck a chord in him and he immediately sought to escape it. “Why is she with Lord Liu Bei anyways?”

There was no mistaking the slightest of blushes against Lianshi’s pale cheeks and Lü Meng couldn’t help but wonder just how much he didn’t see or seem to notice. What on earth could the lady bodyguard be blushing about and what could it possibly have to do with Sun Shangxiang and Liu Bei? It hit him just as Lianshi was thinking of how to broach the topic and he couldn’t stop the uneasy feeling in his gut from affecting his speech as he tried to suppress a nervous laugh. “Really? Our princess, with…”

“I know. I remember her speeches and could probably recite each one verbatim. ‘I’m a proud member of the Sun family! I yield to no man! I need no man!’” Lianshi had pitched her voice a little higher, though it was hardly necessary as Lü Meng was subjected to such tirades before, so much that he could almost hear the princess’s powerful proclamation ringing in his ears. He found himself chuckling, a sound that was apparently so rare that it startled Lianshi. “Oh, perhaps I am too accurate. She’d be so angry if she heard me go on, even if I was only teasing.”

“Our princess is a strong one. I think she can handle harmless teasing, especially from you,” he said, even though he knew he wasn’t one to talk. His men, when feeling brave or reckless, would crack the occasional joke at his expense and he had been called a fool more than once by several others (half of which he highly suspected weren’t at all teasing) and was quick to growl a retaliation their way. And then there were the taunts that Gan Ning dished out, and like a bolt of lightning escaping the storm cloud, all the mirth seemed to escape from him. How could he possibly be joking at a time like this, he berated himself in silence. He was thinking of a polite way to excuse himself when Lianshi managed to cut him off, her insight never failing to amaze him. “Forgive me, my lady, but-”

“You’re really worried about him, aren’t you?”

No need to drop any names and he tried to hide his shame, though why it was even there to begin with was a mystery to himself. “Is it that obvious, Lady Lianshi?”

“No. If anything, you seem to be keeping it together well enough. You’ve improved much in that department, though, if it makes you feel any better?” Lianshi had seen his anxiety and did well in trying to sooth it in her own way. “I don’t think it’s too obvious for others, though. As far as they know, you’re worried more about safeguarding Wu’s future. I just hope he appreciates the effort you’re putting forth for him.”

“Assuming we make it in time,” Lü Meng added with a heavy sigh. “I have no doubt that Ling Tong and his unit can hold the main camp for ten days, but will they last?”

He knew he was rambling on and he knew that such talk, especially after such a big show in front of the assembly in the war room, would have been catastrophic for their morale, but it was far too easy to drop his defenses with only Lianshi present. The way her smile softened only encouraged him to open up more but she once again cut him off, catching the flood gates before they could erupt beyond his control. “You know Gan Ning better than anyone else here, even better than Lord Zhou Yu and our lord. Remember when he was holding out and refused to scout the coast at Xiakou and nothing those two did would make him move?”

He had tried to will himself to forget and the grin that crept onto his haggard face betrayed the fears that skimmed below the surface. “Our lord was just about ready to march out himself and fire him on the spot. How could I forget?”

“But you knew exactly what he wanted and convinced Lord Quan to raise his salary, even when Gan Ning never made it clear what his demand was, did you not?”

“I don’t think even Gan Ning knew what’s what he wanted, but… yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“Then ask yourself,” Lianshi said, resting a hand on his pauldron to stress her words and keep his focus on her. “Knowing Gan Ning as well as you do, do you think he’ll hold out?”

She raised a good point. Of all of the officers there, Lü Meng knew the former pirate the most, and perhaps that was why he was so worried. Not so much for his life, as he had no doubt he could fight his way out of any predicament thrown at him. No, what he feared, what he worried most about, was abandonment. He could remember the conversation very clearly in his head, how easily Gan Ning admitted to fleeing when things got rough, how betrayed Lü Meng felt even when he offered him a chance to go with him. If it was an opening and there was no word or sign of a rescue, would he flee? Would he abandon Wu, abandon him, so easily? 

“He’ll hold out. Still, I’d rather not leave it to chance.”

Ultimately, that was the only answer he felt comfortable with and above all else, it was the truth. Lianshi didn’t press the topic any further, thankfully, hearing his resolve and taking comfort in that as well. “An understandable stance then. Would you be opposed to one more question, though? Before we depart for our respected duties.”

Lü Meng gave a shrug but offered nothing else in resistance. “If I have an answer, then sure, not at all.”

“I’ve noticed you’ve acquired a shadow as of late. Lu… Xun, is it?” At the mention of his name, Lü Meng glanced behind him and was surprised he wasn’t there. Lianshi saw his expression and stifled a giggle at his momentary bewilderment, as her own curiosity got the better of her. “What do you think of him thus far?”

“Honestly, not much, but I’ve had other issues on my mind.” The botched mission to apprehend Zhuge Liang and his wife’s labor were more than enough to distract him from getting to know his new charge more. It was a good reason, though hardly an acceptable excuse and he knew it. “I plan on rectifying that in due time. Thus far, he’s been quiet and kept most of his thoughts to himself.”

“I’ll be honest and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m surprised to see him paired with you. From what I’ve gathered from him, he was adamant about becoming Lord Zhou Yu’s pupil, then Lord Lu Su’s.”

“That’s nothing to be offended about, my lady. They’re far more intelligent than I am and they’re both splendid teachers. I hardly blame him.” And he meant it. However, he hadn’t noticed any malcontent on Lu Xun’s part on the assignment. If anything, he seemed excited and proclaimed to be honored by such a chance to be his pupil, but it wasn’t hard to suspect he was merely being polite. Still, he couldn’t blame him for either, should that be the case. “However, Lord Zhou Yu sent him to me and he wouldn’t have done so without good reason.”

He hoped that the reason wasn’t just to pass off a nuisance or distraction onto him, he thought with a dry smile but chose not to address it aloud. Zhou Yu had enough on his plate and even a harmless chide could be too much. There was a hint of concern in Lianshi’s soft eyes but whatever the cause would remained hidden to him as her words held nothing but a soothing comfort to him. “True, but don’t sell yourself short. Remember, neither of them had figured a way to rescue Gan Ning like you did. Lord Zhou Yu wouldn’t have assigned him to you if there wasn’t something you two could learn from one another. Don’t forget or underestimate your own self worth.”

It helped, more than anything else, and though she withdrew, to heed Sun Shangxiang’s call, he had hoped his rare smile was enough of a thanks for her efforts this day. The swelling within his chest wasn’t simply his pride but something else, and for a brief moment, he found himself envious of his lord, to hold the affection of such a woman.

~*~*~

Yiling would have been a terrible place to die. That thought had run through Gan Ning’s head plenty of times and periodically those words or the variation of it stumbled out of his mouth a few times, though never in the vicinity of the brave few that fought alongside him. Not that they’d blame him if they caught his bitter thoughts. Their situation was dire and growing worse by the second. No, few were able to withhold their concerns and the dwindling hope, despite Gan Ning’s efforts to bolster their mood. In their eyes, he never gave up. He’d always grab his weapon and would take to the defense and it was his bravado that kept them tethered and fighting.

Few knew exactly what thoughts besieged his mind or the truth in his heart, but it was for the best. Oh, they knew there were thoughts there, but none had privy to it. Again, for the best. They wouldn’t like the thoughts he kept from them, not one bit, and he didn’t wish to make the situation any worse than it already was for them.

And the situation was definitely bad. Dawn was approaching and the reprise that the night once offered them was coming to an end. Once the first light lit the sky, the Wei forces would once again begin their assault and not even Gan Ning could pretend they might last another day. He stood on the wall, concealed only by the lingering shade of night and looked over the grim battlefield, where many of his fellow men laid to rest, including one of many messengers that could not break through. Today, he’d see that number increasing. He looked on with bitter resentment, his drive to fight long since escaping him.

Of those left with him, the only one that seemed aware of his well-hidden distress and was undeterred by the situation around him was a man called Ding Feng. He was a massive man, perhaps the tallest man the former pirate had ever set eyes upon and had he described the man to others, they might have accused him of citing another classic tall tale. He was nothing but bulging muscle barely confined within finely tailored armor and with the face that would cause a bear to squeal in terror with its focused intensity. Appearance alone had made the enemy soldiers balk and his skills were even more frightening, wielding a large, bladed ring with unmatched finesse and if that failed him, he had his fists to rely on as the unfortunate enemies found out after disarming him once. No doubt having this man here helped in their continued defense, though not all of it came from his terrifying physique or his formidable skills he demonstrated against the enemy. No, he possessed something else that helped. He had a cautious, strategic mind and a tongue for poetry. It was those traits that took Gan Ning off guard, more than his sudden appearance next to him. “Another dawn draws near, the comfort of night we hold dear, departs as it must.”

The former pirate steeled himself so that Ding Feng couldn’t see how he almost jumped out of his skin, and if it was anything that anchored him back to reality, it was the weight of that poem he recited. It carried a heavy note and that was all the former pirate could comprehend from it. “Uh, well said. Got any movement from our guys?”

Ding Feng, not at all disturbed or flattered by Gan Ning’s compliment, carried on as though he had uttered such delicate but foreboding words. “None as of yet. However, they will come. Our enemy stirs.”

Not that the behemoth needed to add that last bit. He could see activity from the enemy below them and knew he would have to call to arms soon. “Any openings for escape?”

“All sides are covered. The south holds traps, so don’t be fooled by its appearance.”

He had seen them setting them up and what kept Gan Ning or Ding Feng from taking a few shots was that fact that they and the rest of their men had already exhausted all of their supplies. He had a single one left though the blade was broken off and thus rendered useless, so he held onto it, perhaps as a souvenir of how he stupidly lead his men to their deaths with his own foolishness. Certainly there was a metaphor there that he wasn’t clever enough to understand, but now was hardly the time to try and figure it out. Not when more and more Wei soldiers began to stir.

“Wake our men. Tell them to prepare for the fight of their lives. One way or another, it’ll end today… with any luck, in our favor.” He knew such words would crush their morale, but he knew Ding Feng would not spread that part. Only Ding Feng would know how truly overwhelmed and how resigned the famed Pirate of the Silken Sails was when backed into a corner. Of course, there was another who knew this and the worst part of it was that Gan Ning found himself longing to hear his ridicule right now, even if only for the chance to live long enough to hear it again. “If we go down, we’re goin’ down fightin’. Not cooped up like caged animals.”

But Ding Feng hadn’t moved from his spot and the smile he wore would have been just as likely to strike fear into the hearts and souls as it could inspire, depending on who had seen it. Hell, even Gan Ning felt uneasy when looking at it. He didn’t have to wait long to see the cause, as he motion was not only to alert his fellow comrade but the now curious enemy. 

In the short distance and growing closer by the second, Wu banners could be seen, and the amount of dust that carried into the air was only one of many hints of how large the approaching force was. Gan Ning couldn’t stop the joyous shout that left his lips, alerting not only the enemy but waking their own from their light rest better than any war drums could, sending mixed reactions all around. “I’ll be damned! You lot’s in for some trouble now! Rise and shine, boys, we got to look our best for our grand Chief-Commander!”

At the front of the forces was Lord Zhou Yu himself and behind him might as well have been the entirety of the Wu forces and the Wei forces now found themselves sandwiched between those within the surrounded garrison and the approaching army. No orders to retreat came and all sword and spears were drawn and redirected, despite the overwhelming odds. How quickly did the tide change as well as Gan Ning’s tune. With hope rapidly approaching, he grabbed his sword and all but dove into the action.


	27. Hoodwinked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zhou Yu's injury doesn't stop him from giving his all to claim the Jing Province for Wu...

Not even an hour had passed before the besieging Wei officers were forced to retreat and the days long siege was put to an end, much to all present Wu officer’s relief. It hadn’t taken long for Gan Ning to recover his swagger. One couldn’t tell how close he’d come to losing hope by looking at him, and perhaps this hadn’t worked in his favor when it came to Lü Meng.

When the dust settled and the Wei soldiers were sent on their way, he spotted the former pirate running his mouth to Lord Zhou Yu, all grins and smarmy smugness, too enthralled in the victory they shared to allow a single officer to ever think otherwise. In a way, it was always refreshing to see Gan Ning doing what he did best, as he couldn’t deny the effect it had on their men and their morale. Perhaps it was wrong for him to worry so, or perhaps he was wrong to fear that Gan Ning might have fled. To see him so upbeat and spurring his tale and deeds of the battle had almost unnerved him completely, but Lu Su was quick to reassure him that his urgency was well-funded without crushing morale or calling the former pirate out either. “A day, at most. We cut it a little too close for comfort, but it does make for a more interesting story, don’t you think?”

“I suppose.” Lü Meng tried not to think too much on it, lest it sully his own mood, even though he wasn’t sure where it stood. He was relieved that they arrived in time to save their officers. But there was something that nagged him. He didn’t think it had to do with the former pirate’s snub or blow hard manners. Or maybe it did, when there were the bodies of those they could not save still littered on the ground and slowly being attended to. It had a lot to do with just how few men were left to save compared to how many they would be burying here. It almost hadn’t seemed worth the effort, but how could they have done anything differently? He felt Lu Su’s gaze and found himself wanting to shy away. Filled with such a peculiar sense of dread, he wanted nothing more than to run from it. “If you’ll excuse me-”

“Since when did you ask to be excused?” At any other time, Lu Su’s jovial nature, was welcomed, but now it just drove under his skin and no doubt that Lu Su saw it. He changed his tune quickly and the concern in his deep voice was unmistakable. “What’s on your mind?”

And that was the damnedest thing. He wasn’t sure exactly what was on his mind and why it bothered him. But then again, when did he ever allow his lack of knowledge stop him from speaking his mind before? For what he now lacked in knowledge, he was always abundant in courage, even the foolhardy kind. “I’m not sure. We succeeded in breaking the siege. Soon we’ll send a unit to retrieve the horses and supplies abandoned by our enemy.”

Lu Su arched a well trimmed brow and waited for Lü Meng to continue. When he didn’t, he gave him the slightest of pushes. “So, a victory, more or less. Your grim tone says otherwise.”

“I’m disappointed. We lost more than we should have here, and I guess I expected more gratitude from the ones we did save.” 

And with the way he looked dead at Gan Ning, Lu Su was able to deduce which officer he meant. There was a twinkle in his eyes that Lü Meng wasn’t sure he much liked nor that he understood it completely, but at least he took comfort in knowing that he wouldn’t leave him in the dark too long. “Sometimes casualties are unavoidable, but this could have been avoided through more careful planning and some common sense on a certain officer’s actions. Part of being a strategist is to plan your moves ahead of time and execute your strategies to perfection. For that, you need to know which officers to use. We put Gan Ning on the vanguard because he was, at the moment, the most knowledgeable about this region. Sometimes, though, there are unexpected circumstances, and perhaps mistakes on not only the one assigned to execute the strategy but those who devise the strategy itself, which will sometimes cost lives.”

There was shame in his deep voice, but Lü Meng noted that it never seemed overwhelming. It was damn peculiar to Lü Meng to hear such frigidness from Lu Su, a man who seemed so warm and welcoming and downright caring to his fellow officers. Perhaps the same courtesy didn’t pass to the deceased, or perhaps it was his own way of coping. Who was Lü Meng to judge? “It would be easy to place the blame on Gan Ning’s actions, but it’s not that easy. Yes, he ran further ahead than we ordered him to, but considering the heavy siege they were under, the fact that there were any survivors can easily be accredited to him and Ding Feng keeping the men in line. Not to mention, it would discredit the efforts of our enemy that managed to hold him and his men up here for so long. It was a smart move on Lord Cao Ren’s part to isolate him and push to take him out early, especially if he came to the same conclusion as you did as to Gan Ning’s skills in the prolonged fight. Learn from this, Lü Meng. Never discredit your enemies for their insight, either good or ill.

“As for his gratitude, you’re missing the point entirely if that was your soul purpose in concocting this rescue mission. Especially if you’re looking to get it from Gan Ning,” Lu Su said, offering a pitying smile though kind enough to mask the condescending tone of it. Of his two teachers, Lu Su was sarcastic but always warmed up to more helpful methods and though blunt, he made sure to push him towards the answer, as opposed to allowing him to flounder in the dark like his other teacher. “While glory is a great reward, it shouldn’t be the goal you strive for. Instead, look at the victory as the reward, the lives we did save, the enemy we killed and repelled and now the land we’ve obtained.”

“Well said, Lu Su!” Above them, they heard Zhou Yu’s voice and all eyes turned upwards to the Chief-Commander that stood atop the garrison’s wall. It was the same spot that Gan Ning and Ding Feng once stood contemplating the grim arrival of dawn. So quickly all that had changed and by the tone of his well-cultured voice, one would not have ever thought that there was ever any danger at Yiling at all. “With this victory, we’ve gained a solid foothold into the Jing province, and from here-”

And the arrow that whizzed through the air caught them all off guard but none more than Zhou Yu as it bit into his side and dug its fangs in deep. Someone had shouted their Chief-Commander’s name and they all watched the stunned strategist lose his footing and spill over the side into the garrison they had just liberated. Had they not just witnessed their Chief-Commander’s life be struck down before their very eyes, they might have been stunned by the speed of Ding Feng’s actions, as he rushed past Gan Ning and caught Zhou Yu before he hit the ground. Just like that, without warning, the triumphant Wu officers were preparing for the worst.

“Get back here, you swine!” 

Gan Ning let out a yowl and immediately rushed the gates without even giving their fallen Chief-Commander a second glance. He was armed to the teeth and looking ready to rip the brave Wei officer apart. How Lü Meng found himself agreeing with such a sentiment as he and Lu Su ran to Ding Feng’s and Zhou Yu’s side. How in the hell was Zhou Yu still conscious was a mystery but not one he was even going to stick around to answer, as he gripped his glaive with both hands and was about to follow after Gan Ning. He hadn’t gotten far before a hand grabbed his pauldron and pulled him back, forcing him to look at Zhou Yu’s twice paled face. His pain was clear to see but the strategist hid it remarkably well, considering he had probably never experienced such a pain like he did now. “No, Lü Meng… remember, a commander -must- stay calm… no matter what the situation.”

Lü Meng fought the impulse to shout back at him. Now was a perfect time to panic, he thought with surprising clarity given his now rampant emotions, when there was an arrow sticking out of the Chief-Commander’s side. Yet, he knew Zhou Yu to have a point. He was besides himself with surprise that Zhou Yu was even capable of speaking with such firm authority and masking any of the pain they all knew he felt. Where the hell did that strength come from? If Zhou Yu could remain so calm when clearly injured, then surely he could keep his own head. He swallowed his fears and rage and tried to hide any remnants in his voice as he let out a grunt and a few words, as it was all he could trust himself to do. “Y-yes, my lord.”

“A commander should take advantage of every situation presented to him.” Zhou Yu continued, twisting around in Ding Feng’s arms to get into a more comfortable position, not at all concerned for anything besides offering the general a lesson, as if it were his way of coping with the pain. Officers and soldiers scrambled onto the defensive. Lu Su called for a medic and gave orders in Zhou Yu’s wake, and though there was a medic on the way, it didn’t stop the wounded Chief-Commander from grabbing the shaft of the offending arrow and yanking it out of him with a single pull before Lü Meng, Lu Su or Ding Feng could stop him. To Zhou Yu’s credit, he did not scream or so much as groan, before throwing it aside and pressing a hand to the bleeding wound. He was in pain, there was no doubt about that, but to see him so reserved, so focused… the calculating look in his eyes and the smile on his face struck deep into Lü Meng and left its mark. “This… gives me an idea.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Deep breaths.” Zuo Ci’s voice pulled him away from the sheering pain and little by little it began to dull into an aching throb. He had not even felt the pain until the mystic addressed him and despite himself, he kept his eyes shut. The white of his clothing was far too painful for him to bare right now. “I warned you not to pull out, did I not?”

“You did- but you should know me well enough by now… stubborn, learning the hard way.” Lü Meng groaned, resting cold, unfeeling fingers over his eyes and focusing on willing away the pain. He knew this was his own fault. He pulled them out of the memory and brought the pain upon himself, but he welcomed the pain. Compared to reliving this memory, he’d take the migraine. He’d take a thousand migraines over the reminder of Nanjun. And the worst part was that he knew Zuo Ci would only dig and pry. Better to meet the attack head on than allow himself to be cornered, he figured. “Forgive me, kind sir, but this… battle, all of it, is a bit personal to me.”

“It is -your- life. Everything we witness is personal, no?”

Despite the pain swelling behind his eyes, he found himself chuckling. “True… if you look at it that way. This is just…”

“Hard, to see the man so influential to you take such a fall, I know.” There was no mistaking the sympathy in his voice and yet, not even the pain he currently felt was enough to trick him into thinking it was sincere. Especially now, he was cautious, alert, all too suspicious of any ‘kindness’ that came from the man. “Zhou Yu took you in and trained you. He instilled knowledge and gave you the means to become a better person in his eyes. He shaped you in his image. To see him fall and insist on pressing on must have left you wounded in a way.”

‘Wounded’ was hardly the word he’d use but it was fitting. It was such a simple phrase, something he still found himself fond of even after Zhou Yu and Lu Su opened his mind to a more complex world. “Wounded, yes, but it wasn’t just that. I wish that was it. One moment of overconfidence and that’d be enough, but it wasn’t just that wound that ended his career and life.”

“Is this the part where you tell me that it was all Shu’s doing? Will you tell me how it was actually a Shu officer that fired the arrow and led to the famed and beloved Zhou Yi’s demise?”

“So dramatic, you and Lord Zhou Yu both.” He was smiling but it brought him no mirth and held nothing even remotely close to humor. No, it was all bitter, filled with a sense of loathing that he almost forgot he possessed until all of these events were being trudged back out into the opening. He was disappointed in himself for allowing such emotions to bubble up so easily, but between the memories, Zuo Ci’s taunts and the dull ache pounding in his skull, it was impossible to restrain it. However, while he couldn’t deny its existence, he could limit how much he allowed to slip through. Or how much others perceived it and its cause, to work in his favor. “No one from Shu shot that arrow, but it wasn’t the arrow that killed Zhou Yu. He did not die that day, but instead he lived for months afterwards. And in those months, he continued his duty and done much for Wu, more than what any man in his condition should have done.”

“So over exhaustion? A tragic end for such a man. To give his all for another or their cause, at the cost of his own life.” Zuo Ci’s crocodile tears had no effect on the current Chief-Commander and when he saw this, he merely pressed on. He was not done yet and from where he say, Lü Meng’s pain had faded away enough to where he wouldn’t need to worry of another jarring interruption. “But pray tell, you put the blame on Shu or I assume thus. I wish to see why. What could your allies have done to cause Zhou Yu’s descent?”

“After that, Lord Zhou Yu had the idea to spread the rumor to the enemy that he had been slain- and it worked. They had seen Zhou Yu fall but did not have privy to what went on behind that garrison. He used his death as bait, to lure our enemy out and cause Cao Ren to lower his guard, which… wasn’t an easy task. Cao Ren did not fool easily and even then, he was cautious and slow to act in case of a trap. Still, there was no reason to doubt Lord Zhou Yu’s strategy…”

He wore a smile now, though it was filled with spite, as the memory began to stir and the world around him changed, the walls of a familiar garrison surrounding him and Zuo Ci’s old, mysterious form beginning to take a new form, one well armored and bulky and sent all sorts of mixed signals to his mind. “Even then when he fell for the ruse, Lord Cao Ren didn’t make the victory an easy one.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There was an aura of anticipation that lit the air when the gates had finally opened and truth be told, Lü Meng had almost felt overwhelmed at the sight. It wasn’t just the painstaking task of luring out the cautious Wei officers and pressing the pincer attack into perfection that had him all riled up. Their approach was also slow and cautious in a way, despite being rushed and it was a matter of checks and balances. In order for Zhou Yu’s pincer attack to work, they had to remain hidden and strike only when the time was perfect. It was a tedious and dangerous act, with the life of their Chief-Commander on the line should there be a single misstep. 

That alone was enough to leave an officer on edge, none more so than Lü Meng. This entire strategy hung on allowing Wei to think Zhou Yu, their prime target, was vulnerable, in which in truth he was, far more than Wei had truly realized. It was a risky move and they had hoped that would have been a tempting enough bait to lure out their target, the stalwart and unyielding commander Cao Ren.

All throughout this campaign, Lü Meng had heard nothing but praise and caution follow the commander’s name. Lord Zhou Yu and Lu Su both revered the Wei officer with a degree of respect and weariness. No, fear did not follow the Wei officer’s name, only an aura of caution, as though that their victory here would not be an easy one. Thus far it hadn’t been, that was for sure, and from where Lü Meng often stood, either in the war room or on the battlefield, it was clear to see why his mentors had taken such a stance when it came to their opponent. Tactical wise, Cao Ren had given them all a run for their money and whatever victories they did find here at Nanjun, they had to work hard for it. Cao Ren left few openings, if any, tasking each of the strategist and pushing them to their limits.

Now, the gates were open and there was no mistaking which officer was their target. Finally, after days of hearing of their opponent, days of addressing him as though he were this near impenetrable wall, an obstacle that took the combined forces of Wu’s strategists and even Shu’s to overcome, he would finally get to see the officer that had impeded their advance in person, and in all honesty, Lü Meng wasn’t disappointed.

He was like a wall personified. He was armored from head to toe and all that was exposed of the commander was his face though even that was such a small window that only the greatest sharpshooters could possibly get an arrow in (admittedly a skill that Lü Meng severely lacked himself). Steel plating, no doubt reinforced and meant to withstand even the sturdiest of blades, hardly seemed to affect his movement at all nor did it seem to weigh his horse down as he was at the lead of his charge. His gaze was set forward and saw only the one target of a wounded Zhou Yu, and Lü Meng sought to take full advantage of that opening, catching Zhou Yu’s signal and countering with his own charge. Now was the time to strike Cao Ren down and take Nanjun and thus the Jing Province.

And like the events leading up to this fight, Cao Ren did not make it easy. It was clear that he was taken off guard by the sudden arrival of not just one unit but two, but not once did he panic when he found himself caught in the pincer attack. Lü Meng would give credit where it was due, as he looked to both sides and immediately called for his men to hold and defend. It would not save everyone but it would save them from being completely annihilated and for that, Lü Meng had to commend him even when it was short lived. 

One pass against Cao Ren had failed to dismount him and his glaive, as strong as it was, barely left a mark on that armor. This was a first for Lü Meng. The last officer he passed in such a manner left the battlefield without a head and to see his strike barely cause him to flinch certainly left a blow to his ego. The second pass, however, Cao Ren was ready and had easily deflected the blade with the thick shield he carried, almost disarming the Wu general with a single thrust. Lü Meng managed to keep a firm grip on his weapon and through sheer dumb luck did he see the opening presented to him and he took it without second thought. He risked being disarmed, releasing his weak hand from the glaive’s hilt and he slammed it against the small opening of his helmet, grazing against the armor on the cheek and leaving its mark but not without feeling his knuckles slammed against the calloused cheek. In that brief moment time almost seemed to stop and the dark markings around Cao Ren’s eyes only amplified the genuine surprise and the open challenge he saw in them. It was a satisfying feeling, to know that there was flesh beneath that walking suit of armor, though it was short lived. Cao Ren began to slide off the saddle from the blow but he had made sure to take Lü Meng down with him, grabbing the hilt of the halberd and throwing them both off of their saddles.

Dust picked up as officers and soldiers from both sides fanned out, living the two generals their space. Ying trotted just a few feet away and pranced, tail raised and ears twisted back, gnashing his teeth at any Wu soldier brave enough to try and grab his reins and chasing Cao Ren’s black horse away. Every soldier understood what was happening now and no one needed to say a word. It wasn’t often that duels occurred and though this was lacked the proper pomp and circumstances that came with the traditional ones, none could argue that’s what was taking place. There were no drums or gongs to announce this duel, but for Lü Meng, that was perfectly fine. Lü Meng rolled back to his feet, taking full advantage of the lightweight of his leather armor as opposed to his opponent’s, and he hardly waited for Zhou Yu’s instructions before he lunged himself at Cao Ren. Hell, he hardly waited for Cao Ren to get back to his feet, though it hardly did him any good as his first strike was deflected with ease. 

Only when the two were on equal grounds and exchanging blows did Lü Meng see more of his opponent. Cao Ren, though stocky and heavily armored, was not quite as tall as the armor made him out to be, but if anything that only seemed to ground him to his spot and make him near impossible to move. He did not move often, leaving Lü Meng to be the one to dance around him to find and exploit an opening. But when he did move, it was with a fine level of skill and with purpose.

Now Lü Meng saw why Zhou Yu and Lu Su were so weary of him and why their conquest of Nanjun had taken so much effort. Cao Ren was a skilled fighter, far more skilled than one might have thought for a man that more or less hid within the final garrison. His defense was near impenetrable and it took Lü Meng far too long to see the genius of his current strategy, as he could feel the burning of his lungs as exhaustion threatened to take a hold of him. And once it did, then Cao Ren would strike him down. A clever plan and one that he might have fallen for, had Zhou Yu not pushed him so hard in his studies.

It was strange, as he wasn’t sure whether he hated this living and breathing obstacles more for nearly entrapping him, or if he liked him. Perhaps if there hadn’t be pressure to claim victory here in a timely manner, he might have taken the time to admire the strategy from the experienced commander. But the pressure was still there and it only grew with each failed attempt to penetrate that armor.

Why was he rushing, he wasn’t sure. There was something in him that demanded he finish this fight and soon. He told himself that it was Zhou Yu’s sake that he wanted to rush this fight but it was more than that. Deeper than that. Wu came so far and he knew Wu couldn’t hold out for another long winded fight. That was what Cao Ren was holding out on, no doubt. He could stall the fight and force Wu to exhaust their resources, all the while maintaining a solid defense and keeping his own troops fed and fresh. It was this that bred a sense of urgency in his mind and drove him forward, slowing his pace slightly to look for something, anything that he could twist to his advantage. Cao Ren took a good, long look at him and only fortified his defenses, making it damn clear that he knew what the younger officer was planning and had no intention of giving him such an opening. 

Once again the duel commenced, this time his passes were more cautious, more testing, more observant. It didn’t last long. Lü Meng knew it couldn’t. It would not be long before he exhausted himself, or that Zhou Yu would call him back or perhaps even another Wei officer would leap in and seek to add his offensive to Cao Ren’s defense. The clear opening would be to go for the unguarded face and he had tried to on several occasions but Cao Ren would always dodge or block. 

It gave him an idea. He rushed forward, bringing his hands closer to the blade of the glaive and sacrificing the range of it, and once again he lunged for the face. As expected, Cao Ren rose his shield to deflect the attack and only then did Lü Meng reach out with his other hand and grab for the shield, gripping the fabric that held the blade and he yanked with all his might, all the while throwing his leg forward and looking to sweep the leg to throw his opponent down. It was risky as hell and he could feel his muscles screaming at the strain, but Cao Ren wasn’t expecting such a tactic and his refusal to release his own weapon was his downfall, as the combination threw the commander on his back with a loud, earth shaking thud. 

Soldiers cheered and gasped but any who celebrated did so too early, as before Lü Meng could capitalize on the opening to leap onto Cao Ren’s chest and drive his blade through his exposed throat, Cao Ren retaliated in kind. Lü Meng’s lunge was interrupted by a sturdy boot to his gut and up and over he went. The younger general tried to twist about in mid air to catch his landing but he hadn’t been airborne long enough and the wind was knocked right out of him as he hit the earth. Just as quickly as he gained an advantage it was stolen from him and once again the two were back on their feet and ready for the next round, though it never came. 

The point of the pincer attack was to focus Cao Ren’s attention onto a single officer and leaving his blind spots open, and Lü Meng had done that just fine without even realizing it. Lü Meng lunged at Cao Ren, but it wasn’t just his glaive that was aiming for the commander this time. This time, it was accompanied by a bladed rake and a bo staff, and while none of them had penetrated that thick armor of his, the three of them combined were enough to throw the officer back, and only then did Cao Ren see that his remaining men were horribly surrounded. As the two had dueled, Zhou Yu and Lu Su had all but claimed the base and only now did Cao Ren speak, holding his ground despite being thrown back and now surrounded. “I have been bested... Commander, your strategies were magnificent. Though I may bow, I will not be broken...”

There was something ultimately gratifying about hearing an enemy admit defeat, even when the praise was meant for another. He didn’t balk or scoff, however, standing at his full height and taking his position at Zhou Yu’s side, poised and ready to defend the Chief-Commander should Cao Ren’s praise only be a ruse. Neither Lu Su nor Zhou Yu were on guard and it seemed for a good reason, as Cao Ren took a step back and let out a whistle. Moments later, the black horse that had been circling the two combatants and keeping out of Ying’s war path had rushed towards the Wei commander, and with surprisingly dexterity for a man decked in as much armor as he was, he jumped onto the saddle and fled through the only opening left for him.

Within a matter of minutes, the siege for Nanjun had ended. All of their planning, all of their hard work and effort, boiling down to this. Days ago it had all just been a dream, a goal that they had been striving for, and to see their main and only obstacle fleeing…

It was almost too overwhelming for him to think straight and how easy was it to find himself wanting to revert back to old habits. It would have been easy to shut down his brain and simply enjoy the victory, but he wouldn’t allow himself to, and nor would Zhou Yu. “And what did you learn, Lü Meng?”

“My lord,” Lü Meng said, trying to catch his breath and soaking in their victory. He was still trying to wrap his head around the whole matter and fighting off the effects of the adrenaline rush, not wanting to appear too excited lest Zhou Yu think ill of him. He could already see the snark building up in Lu Su’s gaze but he was polite enough to save whatever crack he was going to make for later it seemed as he held his tongue. For now, he had to lesson to recite and it didn’t take him long to figure it out. He knew what he had learned, but finding a way to word it to Zhou Yu’s pleasing was always the hard part. “Brute force isn’t everything. It takes patience and finesse to penetrate even the mightiest armor.”

“Yes, and thus you’ve learned the elegance of a well-oiled strategy. Well done.” The look of blissful relief in Zhou Yu’s pale features was certainly a sight to behold and it had made everything worth it. Few knew how much Wu’s Chief-Commander worked and slaved over this entire ordeal besides the two men that stood at his side. Perhaps now he could rest and recover from his wounds and allow Lu Su to handle the grueling paperwork that would be coming their way, while Lü Meng would be more than happy to take over the military duties that would come with their new territory. This all assumed that Zhou Yu wouldn’t insist on handling all of it by himself, of course, but Lü Meng was in no position to argue. For now, he simply tried to savor the joy and triumphant that laced Zhou Yu’s melodic voice, though the sound of hooves beating against the earth and drawing close to them threatened to drown it out. “Now, all of Jing Province is…”

“My lord! Xiangyang has been taken by Guan Yu!” 

The soldier that flung off the saddle and bowed may as well have been a bolt of lightning as it took all three officers off guard. All turned to the officer and the first to speak was Zhou Yu, though his words were cut short when blood seeped through his garments, sullying the white cloth strapped over his chest with a deep crimson, forcing a pained grunt from him. It was the only warning they’d receive before he collapsed in a heap at their feet. “What? N-no, Zhuge Li-ang…!”


	28. The Two Kingdoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng is told of Zhou Yu's plan and explains it to a curious Lu Xun...

Few had ever seen Lü Meng so livid and those that did stood dumbfounded at the sight of it. Even fewer dared approach or try to talk him down. Even Gan Ning had been too scared to get close and it had taken all of Lu Su’s strength and wisdom to coral the incensed general to a more private location away from peering eyes and loose tongues.

Truth of the matter was that not a single officer could blame Lü Meng for his rage. It was justified by every means of the word. The problem did not lie so much in the existence of his anger but instead his reaction and the effect it was having on their troops. He was only speaking what was on most of their minds. They were in complete agreement with his sentiments, and they would no doubt use it as a call to arms, something that Wu couldn’t afford to do right now. That, as well as just the genuine terror he induced in those that thought knew him, pressed Lu Su to isolate him from the rest. He brought him to the medic’s tent in hopes that the sight of their barely conscious Chief-Commander would strike some common sense and control in him. As always, though, he simply underestimated just how deep and how violent Lü Meng could be when pushed past his limits.

“They double crossed us!” Lü Meng looked ready to punch something and the medics and wounded that kept their distance clearly felt that it wasn’t enough as they skirted towards the far reaches of the tent. Lü Meng hardly noticed this as he carried on his rampage, his voice more than enough to cause the taut linen of the tent to rattle as if it were trying to contain a typhoon. “They took the province right from under us!”

“Calm down, Lü Meng, or else you’ll blow the tent away,” Lu Su said, his words attempting humor but the tone was simply too heavy for it to have any effect. He wasn’t truly trying, though, as any attempt at it now would only make the general’s temper flare and so he addressed the matter with the proper level of respect and authority, hoping that if his words failed to calm the general down that his tone would be enough to get through to him. “Remember, what did Sun Tzu say? All war is…”

He left him an opening and he hoped he’d catch on quick enough, but he was just too angry. He racked his mind for the phrase but found the answer too late, as Zhou Yu had uttered the ending before he could even form the words. “Deception. Deception… we were deceived…”

Zhou Yu’s anguish had worked far better than anything Lu Su could have done to tame Lü Meng’s wrath. There was no calm or clarity in that weak voice, only despair, and it was abundantly clear what the cause of his melancholy was. No one needed to say a word but since when did Zhou Yu ever allow something to go unsaid? “I was a fool… I was a fool to not see it, Lu Su.”

Still, Lü Meng was too livid to trust himself to get close to Zhou Yu’s bedside, leaving Lu Su to be the one to approach him. Of those present, Lu Su was clearly the only one with a solid head on his shoulders, and unfortunately that left him with a large order to fill, as dealing with two completely polarizing emotions and reactions could not have been fun. Had Lü Meng been able to control his temper, he might have felt pity for Lu Su but it was simply too difficult a task for him. “Nonsense, Lord Zhou Yu. He simply outmaneuvered us.”

The ‘he’ could be none other than Zhuge Liang. Even in his worst moments Lü Meng could have figured that out and the mere thought of the name made him seethe. He kept his gaze averted from the sickly man on the bed as it would only fuel his anger even more, and Zhou Yu, even as distraught as he was, would not let him be. “Remember what I said… situation, Lü Meng. Keep your head. Don’t lose focus… as I did.”

“Lord Zhou Yu, please-”

“I was too caught up in the moment and saw only the enemy ahead of me… I didn’t see the one that lurked behind us, Lu Su!” Zhou Yu could not be stopped nor quelled, and his distress was almost too much to bare. Lü Meng’s temples were starting to hurt and he swore he could see specks dancing in front of him, though it did little to distract him from Zhou Yu’s anguish as he carried on, much to Lu Su’s dismay. “I didn’t see the bigger picture… I should have, Lu Su… I should have known Zhuge Liang was up to something!”

Lü Meng spat at the mention of that name and only now when it was too late did he remember the threat this man posed. He couldn’t forget Zhou Yu’s troubles with the man at Chibi, and how could he have possibly forgotten his botched mission when he swore he could still feel the frigid water nipping at his fingers from time to time? It had been easy to push the man to the side during their invasion of Nanjun it seemed, as Lu Su was quick to bring that up. “We were distracted. We all were, Lord Zhou Yu. There’s hardly any need to put this all upon yourself.”

“But I should have known! I should have known!”

It was no use. By now, Lü Meng’s anger had given away to pity and it took everything within his power to try and hold onto that anger instead as he feared the current emotion would only drive the wound even deeper. The look Lu Su flashed his way warned him to hold his tongue and the general obliged though with much restraint and with one problem taken care of, Lu Su turned his attention back to their Chief-Commander, his edge in his voice meant to cut through that self-loathing like a hot blade through cloth. “Lord Zhou Yu, get a hold of yourself this instant. Between your moaning and Lü Meng’s rampaging, one would think this was a nursery and not a medic tent housing two of Wu’s finest! Do you remember what you told Lü Meng earlier at all?”

That seemed to have some positive effect, as Zhou Yu’s brown eyes focused on a particular spot on the ceiling and his voice, though soft and almost raspy in nature, held a thread of clarity. It was thin, brittle and likely to snap from the strain at any moment, but it was present and heard by all. “Must… stay calm… no matter the situation. Yes… you’re right, Lu Su… Can’t lose… focus, not now...”

Lü Meng was relieved to hear some of Zhou Yu’s vigor return and as much as he wanted to feel flattered that Lu Su had given him such praise, it was easily lost among the shame he felt to have lost his temper so easily. He said nothing and allowed for Lu Su to take charge, absorbing the situation and trying to think of how everything seemed to crumble to pieces so quickly after their victory. He felt he clearly missed a key detail and no, he took absolutely no comfort in the fact that Zhou Yu and Lu Su had missed it too. If they didn’t foresee this, then who else in Wu could have? He was lost in his thoughts for the moment, as Lu Su spoke to their Chief-Commander, his tone much calmer and less raucous now that he seemed to gain some control of the situation. “Clearly Zhuge Liang had planned this in advance and took advantage of our invasion to set the wheels in motion for his own. And who better to send out to such a critical operation than Guan Yu himself? It’s an oversight on all of us and one we cannot afford to make again.”

“It was when we went to save Gan Ning… it had to be. We were so focused on getting there in time to save our comrades that none of us notice them slip away…” Now that the atmosphere in the tent was calmer, the medic returned to his duties, immediately going to Zhou Yu’s side to address the wound that was barely stitched together in the first place. Lü Meng’s shame turned into realization and then guilt as Zhou Yu carried on his deductions, taking apart and reconstructing the events bringing him some measure of comfort despite their precarious predicament. “Clever of him. What would he have done if we pressed on and abandoned Yiling I wonder…”

“Now’s hardly the time to discuss those possibilities. Chances are, Zhuge Liang was going to set his plan in motion, regardless if we mobilized the bulk of the unit to Yiling or not. Right now, the fact of the matter is that with Guan Yu at Xiangyang, he holds the bulk of the Jing Province within his grasp and should he want to, he can sandwich us between him and Wei. If Cao Cao discovers this, he could easily send more forces south and that’d put us into a serious predicament.” 

Zhou Yu looked to Lu Su and Lü Meng hated the defeat that all but glistened in his eyes. It was a familiar feeling and one he felt personally, especially at this man’s hands, and yet to see it clouding his… it wounded him and dug in deep and he loathed it. It wasn’t something he thought he’d ever see in Zhou Yu’s eyes and it felt wrong. Zhou Yu said nothing, allowing for Lu Su to be the one to drop the news that neither of them wanted to hear but could not ignore. “We have no choice. We have to abandon the Jing Province now.”

“We can’t just abandon our hard work here,” Lü Meng said, without so much as a second thought, knowing that he was only leaving an opening for admonishment but now no longer caring if he received it. Zhou Yu said nothing and merely returned his forlorn gaze back to the ceiling and leaving Lu Su to handle Lü Meng as the man’s anger returned from the sea of shame and guilt he struggled with. “We defeated Cao Ren. We captured base after base, Yiling and Nanjun- what right does Guan Yu have in thinking he has claim to this province through Xiangyang?”

“Lu Su’s right…”

Lü Meng nearly choked on his words and the Chief-Commander was too enthralled on the ceiling to notice his bewildered look. “Lord Zhou Yu!”

“Think about it, Lü Meng, think of the map… you’ve looked at it a million times, I know you’ve memorized it, you’re not stupid,” Zhou Yu said, without emotion or a smile. Lü Meng wanted to feel the sting of his insult but it hardly left a mark as it was so weak, nothing at all like the usual flare that the Chief-Commander once had. “He holds a vital part of the province. From there, he could easily sweep through all we’ve claimed, thanks to the river and the supplies. That’s the genius of Zhuge Liang’s scheme… it wouldn’t matter how many bases we held, as all he needed was one. That one base… damn you, Zhuge Liang.”

Lu Su interrupted Lü Meng before he could even try to retaliate. He saw how quickly Zhou Yu was falling back into his despair and the look he received from the medic spoke volumes without him needing to utter a word. “The best course of action right now would be to mobilize our forces out of the Jing Province. We’re not ready to fight a war on both sides and it would be easier to negotiate some kind of agreement should we take the higher route.”

Lü Meng wanted to fire back but once again he was beat to the punch, and this time by one of the medics no less. “Sirs, Lord Zhou Yu’s wound is too grievous to handle such a tense environment. Please, for his health and those wounded, can you take your discussion elsewhere?”

“Of course. Lu Su, inform our lord at once… implore him to retreat. He will want to follow Lü Meng’s example… and I hardly blame him, but it’s too dangerous right now.” Though his voice was weak and his eyes began to droop, he still held onto his authority, if barely, and Lü Meng knew better than to push the topic any further. In the past few seconds, he had become paler, so much that one could see the veins beneath the skin as though the first layer was simply stripped away. He bit his tongue and was ready to retreat, more for Zhou Yu’s sake than his own as he no longer trusted himself to keep his head and would only shame his teacher further. “Lu Su, you understand the framework of my plan… to divide the land in two, do you not?”

This captured Lü Meng’s attention and chased away the gut-wrenching rage he felt brewing, if only because he vaguely remembered such words being uttered before. By Lu Su, no doubt. There was no hesitation in Lu Su’s voice, and it also lacked satisfaction. “You know I do.”

“Then… see to it in my absence… make it work, until I have recovered and can see it through. Introduce Lü Meng to it, and complete it. You’ll do that for me, won’t you?” 

It wasn’t often that Lü Meng saw such a grim expression wash over Lu Su’s features and it added such a somber note to the usual comfort that he wore. Once again, they were discussing something that he didn’t know anything about and that was above him, but not for long, it seemed, as Lu Su bowed his head, surrendering to Zhou Yu’s will without a fight. “Of course, my lord. I’ll do this, if only so that you can recover in peace so that you can see this through.”

Lü Meng was left in the dark but it hardly bothered him now. If anyone would stick to their promise, it was Lu Su. He didn’t like that grave note in his voice or what it implied, but ultimately what could he do? Zhou Yu’s smile was a peculiar sight, though not so much as the words that fluttered out of his mouth as he began to drift into unconsciousness. “Now… I know how dear Sun Ce felt. Having someone to entrust things to… it feels so good.”

It was a name he hadn’t heard in awhile and that, combined with what such words implied and the blood that soaked the bandages that left Lü Meng feeling like he’d been struck down. He held his ground somehow and the bow he gave was purely autonomous and held nothing within it. He had been so absorbed with the situation and his anger that he hadn’t even conceived the possibility that Zhou Yu’s life was on the line. He tried to wrap his head around it, even as Lu Su led him out and was quick to dismiss such an idea. “He certainly has a flare for drama, doesn’t he?”

What could Lü Meng had said? What could he possibly say? They were outside of the tent and well away from Zhou Yu’s earshot, assuming he was even conscious anymore. “He is Lord Zhou Yu, sir.”

Lu Su managed a dry chuckle, nothing at all like his usual mirth that the strategist exerted though Lü Meng hardly held it against him. The situation hardly called for humor of any kind and honestly he was surprised Lu Su didn’t chide him for his inappropriate humor. Perhaps he needed it more than he was willing to let on? He sighed, tucking his arms in his sleeves and appearing lost in thought. He knew what he had to do. It was simply not an easy task. Lü Meng took advantage of the moment to broach the subject that’s been bothering him, hoping that it would not be too much of an inopportune time. “Sir, what was Lord Zhou Yu talking about? What’s his plan to split the land in two?”

“Simply put, it’s Zhou Yu’s ongoing plan for this land. It’s what he’s ultimately pining for. But here isn’t the time to discuss it. We need to pull back before either Guan Yu or Cao Ren decide to close in on us.”

It wasn’t much, but it was something. The promise of learning more, even at a later time, was enough to appease the general’s curiosity and he offered no open objections. He recent bout with Cao Ren made him weary as it was, though the mention of Guan Yu bothered him more than it should have. It struck him as odd that Guan Yu would launch an attack against Wu, but he reminded himself of just how easily he and no doubt countless others were quick to think of their allies’ act as one of betrayal. If Lu Su and Zhou Yu were weary of such an attack, then surely it held some merit, and that was enough to convince him. He’d stake his life on their judgement…

~*~*~

“And so that’s Lord Zhou Yu’s plan?” To give Lu Xun credit, he did wait a few moments before speaking up again, as if he had been waiting for his mentor’s permission to talk. He took a chance when it was clear that he wasn’t going to give him one. The softness of his voice was almost missed over the steady hoof beats but it was just loud enough to pull Lü Meng’s gaze away from the spot he had been glaring at with such intensity that he swore he would have burned a bald spot on Ying’s pain. “To divide the land into two separate kingdoms?”

“Yep,” Lü Meng said. As always, his shadow had a way of popping in and out of existence without catching too much attention. Usually he was so quiet that he’d forget he was there at all and while he tried not to ponder if he was present during his duel with Cao Ren or Lord Zhou Yu’s meltdown in the medic’s tent, he took comfort in his presence now if only to have another person to throw ideas at. “Hence it’s title.

“China would be divided into two kingdoms. The south would be controlled by Wu, and the north would belong to Wei,.” Lü Meng was equally surprised to hear that part as Lu Xun clearly was and as always he wasn’t afraid to show it. There was something about Lu Xun that he found easy to open up to, though whether this was a good thing or not he had yet to consider. If Lu Xun was to be his shadow and ascend the ranks then he would have privy to the same information as he did, he figured. “Once we’ve obtained enough land to stabilize our forces and set up a tight defense, it would become a game of checks and balances. With Cao Cao in the north and our own Lord Quan in the south, it’d eventually turn into a game of endurance. With the rivers to aid in our defense and the Jing Province and its resources under our control, and luck, our lord could outlive his rival and do away with his heir.”

All in all, it seemed like a fine enough plan. How could it not have been, when Zhou Yu was the one to come up with it? Lu Xun caught on to it quickly and spoke his mind, though his voice was still filled with barely contained curiosity and not nearly as much admiration that existed in Lü Meng’s. “If that was his plan, then why did he vote to oppose Lord Cao Cao? He was rather vehement about it.”

“Because it was thrown at our doorsteps and we had little choice but to push for war. Had it played as he wanted it to, we would have waited until we had bolstered our own defenses and consolidated our power in Jing.”

At least, that was his understanding. Not that he would tell Lu Xun this. All of this was from what Lu Su had told him as they mobilized their retreat as well as what he understood from the rigorous training methods of his now wounded teacher. One could not have spent so much time having their brain worked, reworked and worked over again and not feel they had learned something about the man responsible for it.

“Hm… I always thought it was because Lord Cao Cao was pining for the Qiaos,” Lu Xun said, he golden eyes lost in thought and missing Lü Meng’s baffled and near indignant expression.

“Where did you hear that from?”

“I… I assumed everyone heard about that, my lord!” Now Lu Xun had seen his teacher’s expression and he realized it far too late to shy away from it now. He sounded so uncomfortable discussing it that he was making Lü Meng want to itch. “During their flight through Changban, an officer of Shu intercepted a letter that expressed Lord Cao Cao’s desire to take the Qiao sisters and add them to his court. You… had not heard of this, Lord Lü Meng?”

“Not until just now.” It was a curious thing and honestly he didn’t want to think about it. He should have dug deeper but the very idea of that causing Zhou Yu to push for war so much earlier than he wanted to just rubbed him in all the wrong ways. “As disgusting of an act as that would have been, for Cao Cao to take the Qiaos against their will, Lord Zhou Yu wouldn’t throw our lord and our nation’s resources for something so petty as that. It may have been a factor, but not the sole reason or cause. Lord Zhou Yu isn’t petty,” he paused, before correcting himself. “Not that petty.”

“What’s petty about going to war to defend the one you love?” Lu Xun countered, cautious was his tone though Lü Meng was certain the smallest slivers of mockery he heard wasn’t just his imagination. “If Cao Cao wanted to take your wife, wouldn’t you want to stand against him?”

The very idea made him want to sneer but he managed to keep it to himself. The possibility never once crossed his mind and had no reason to. The Qiaos were world renown for their grace and beauty and it was easy to see why a villain like Cao Cao would wish to take them into his court. Ren, as much as he loved and adored her, would never cross Cao Cao’s line of sight. Not if he had anything to say about it, anyways. Still, factoring in possibilities, as near impossible as they made seem, was a part of his job now as a strategist and so he humored the young officer. “Yes, but I wouldn’t do so with the entire backing of the Wu army to do so. There would be others that would choose to follow, but I wouldn’t mobilize an entire army for that. I’d do it by myself, with those that volunteer.”

Lu Xun hadn’t said anything for a good while. For a brief, blissful moment, he assumed that would be the end of it, but he was wrong. “But you insisted we mobilize the bulk of our army to rescue Gan Ning at Yiling, did you not?”

It was humbling to hear him put it in such a manner, and a familiar sensation hit him, one he felt one too many times already thanks to the man that laid injured in the medic’s wagon at this moment. Normally, it was an exasperating feeling to have to cope with, and normally he’d handle it better but because Zhou Yu’s despair was still fresh in his mind, it admittedly made his response all the more visceral and Lu Xun would be quick to suffer for it.

“Because he’s a valuable officer and asset to our army, not just a spouse. Losing him would have been far more damaging to us than losing Lady Xiao or Ren, and even they’d know it. To lead an entire army to war over such a petty matter… it’s stupid.”

Lu Xun’s eyes widened and he shrunk back. Even the chestnut he rode atop let out a nervous whicker and shied away. Understandably so, since he was certain he looked quite the fright to the young officer. Not even his nervous sputter quelled his annoyance and he forced his fierce gaze ahead as to refuse to allow an ounce of remorse to be bred here. “I… I’m sorry, Lord Lü Meng. I spoke out of line. I hadn’t thought of that way and I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.’

“No, you did mean to, but you’re right to bring it up,” Lü Meng said with a huff, trying to calm himself before he chased the younger officer away entirely. He looked genuinely startled and he wanted to avoid the lecture that’d Lu Su or Zhou Yu would give him later. They were also so conscious about his temperament and by damn he was trying. He wasn’t even sure why it bothered him so much but it dug under his skin to have Gan Ning’s name be brought up in a such a manner. Or maybe he was angry about Lu Xun dragging out his hypocrisy for him to see? The latter felt more likely and natural, so he chose to go with that. “I’m not much of a romantic so maybe I’m missing the novelty of Lord Zhou Yu mounting such a war for the glory of his wife. But that’s not the reason. A factor, at most, but nothing more.”

The tone of voice he took bespoke of finality and Lu Xun was quick to take the warning. “Lord Lü Meng, I have another question, about Zhou Yu’s plan.”

“Ask.”

“Where does Lord Liu Bei stand in all of this?” Lu Xun asked. Lü Meng was grateful for the return to the original topic though now it had taken a different turn and he wasn’t sure he was prepared for give an answer. Lu Xun carried on when he hesitated, giving his teacher a chance to mull over his own thoughts. “I mean, in Lord Zhou Yu’s plan? Correct me if I’m wrong, but from the sounds of it, is feels like he’s never factored him in. Was it an oversight, or…?”

It should have been a thin rope he crossed, but Lü Meng, ever brave, even if foolishly so, approached it without fear or caution. It may come to bite him in the rear later but he had enough confidence that he could handle it. “I couldn’t say, honestly. Hardly seems like Lord Zhou Yu to overlook him, but at the time he made the plan, he wasn’t a factor. Maybe in his mind, he still isn’t. I wouldn’t know.”

Most accepted his honesty and were grateful when it didn’t take such a brutal turn, but it seemed that Lu Xun was simply a different kind of person all together. Clearly he either didn’t know Lü Meng well, or he was just as foolishly brave as Lü Meng was but simply in a different manner than most would peg the typical bravery at. “But he should have been present in his mind. Lord Liu Bei and his men all stand with the Han empire and fight to preserve it, do they not? Him being such a key player in keeping the spirit of the Han empire alive would have made him a factor, I think. Don’t you think so?”

“No, not really,” Lü Meng said, his fierce glare once again back on Lu Xun and causing the younger officer to flinch. He reined back his gruffness though it was entirely too hard and he figured Lu Xun wouldn’t appreciate it in the least. “Perhaps Lord Zhou Yu did overlook Lord Liu Bei’s importance and now it’s Lu Su’s job to include him, or perhaps he figured that his and Lord Quan’s goals were similar enough to include him in Wu. It’s not for me to say.”

“But surely you’d have a good idea of what thought processes Lord Zhou Yu had-”

“I can’t say I know exactly what thoughts run through Lord Zhou Yu’s head all the time. I can speculate or guess, but I don’t know everything that goes on in Lord Zhou Yu’s mind.”

Whatever fear Lu Xun had was short lived and his head tilted, accenting his inquisitiveness perfectly. “But you’re his student, are you not?”

“I am, but that doesn’t mean he’s completely open with me about everything.” Lü Meng didn’t want to admit it and he knew he was only giving a half answer. Yes, Zhou Yu was secretive and while he knew more about his teacher than he had years ago, he knew there was still things about Lord Zhou Yu that he didn’t know. Either there was always a wall there, separating him from the Zhou Yu he believed he knew and the true one that took a special delight in running his brain ragged, or Lü Meng chose not to learn for reasons that he wasn’t completely sure he understood himself. Whatever the reason, he knew it wasn’t just Zhou Yu’s doing, but his own, and in knowing this, he felt he should have been ashamed of himself. And yet… “Lu Xun, there’s a glass ceiling that separates us, Lord Zhou Yu and I. Perhaps two, with Lord Lu Su there. 

“I can look up and see a glimpse of them from time to time, but the glass is stained, painted, coated with years of careful artistry and layers of knowledge and deception that I can’t even begin to scratch. I’ve managed to get a few glimpses and peeled some of it away, but there’s still much I haven’t seen. There’s still a lot I don’t know, and maybe I’ll never know.” Lü Meng did not mean to ramble on as he did, but since Lu Xun had yet to interrupt him or speak up, he carried on. At some point he looked away from Lu Xun and gazed away in the distance, missing whatever expression the young officer wore and truly not caring. “Whatever I’ve seen of them, whatever I think I know of Lords Zhou Yu and Lu Su, is either through years of hard work on my part struggling to grasp whatever I could, and whatever else that they’ve allowed me to see.” 

He felt as if he had more to say, but by then, words simply escaped him and retreated back into the depths of his mind. What had been his point? What had Lu Xun said that triggered such a response? He almost felt embarrassed but he hid it well, as Lu Xun finally seemed to find his voice. “I see. Perhaps he feels you still have much to learn and wants you to work for it, as opposed to simply allowing you to see. Lord Zhou Yu… he seems like a harsh teacher.”

“... you have no idea.” The general told himself that he wouldn’t indulge Lu Xun on any of his methods simply because he didn’t wish to relive them so soon after their ordeals at Nanjun. He was embarrassed enough to have to admit he didn’t know his teacher as well as he wanted to and that would just be too much. “Going back to Lord Liu Bei’s exclusion from the plan, if I had to take a guess, he would be included in our kingdom in opposing Cao Cao’s. After all, we have the same goal.”

He had said that, but his heart didn’t completely agree. He remembered Zhou Yu’s orders to apprehend Zhuge Liang at Chibi and the even fresher wound that the Sleeping Dragon left on them. Could such a statement still be true, he wondered. It was all very, very complicated, more so than he cared for it to be and he had a feeling in his gut that’d it’d only get even more complicated later on. He didn’t envy Lu Su at all as he would be at the forefront of handling that crisis and with any luck it might have all been just a misunderstanding.

But remembering Zhou Yu’s distraught cries, Lü Meng wasn’t convinced, not completely. There was far more to this situation going on than he knew and despite how dramatic Zhou Yu had been, all of his open fears and turmoils felt genuine to Lü Meng and not at all an act. Whether Zhuge Liang’s actions were truly heinous or it was a misunderstanding, Lord Zhou Yu’s fears were genuine and real. He simply did not know if he, as his student, should douse those fires or fan them. He just didn’t know. He didn’t trust Zhuge Liang, that much he knew, but should he act upon such distrust or hang back until either Zhou Yu or Lu Su called for him was a mystery to him. 

And Lu Xun, seemingly content with whatever answers he could get, had returned to silence and became nothing more than a shadow, leaving his mentor to his thoughts. Not once did he think to ask why Lu Xun was so curious to begin with or why he seemed so focused on Zhou Yu, but remembering Lianshi’s statement eased some curiosity in that aspect for now. 

He had said they shared the same goals, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. He simply would not admit that for years to come…


	29. Smooth as Sandpaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng's words get him in trouble on multiple accounts...

With Lord Zhou injured, duties were shifted around and it did not take long to get the dilemma with Lord Liu Bei settled. An understanding was reached, though not one that both parties were completely content with. As suspected, when confronted about their dubious actions at Xiangyang, Lord Liu Bei proclaimed it to be a simple misunderstanding and too many were quick to believe him. Lü Meng wasn’t one of them. However, he refrained from speaking his mind on it as Lu Su already had enough on his plate and wouldn’t appreciate Lü Meng adding even more to his ever growing burden.

Lord Liu Bei needed land, Lu Su said as he explained the situation to Lord Quan and the rest of the court. He went on to explain how Liu Bei sought land from his family in Chengdu and until then, he would need a small base of operations. Lu Su then offered the Jing Province as a temporary home until then, a ‘reasonable’ request as he so eloquently put it, amongst the flabbergasted uproar of the assembly.

Few, if any, were happy with such an idea. Lü Meng could never forget the looks his teacher received when he offered such a suggestion and admittedly one of which came from him. Lu Su was met with much opposition but he eventually worked them on board with the idea, as he stressed the word ‘temporary’ several times. Once Liu Bei moved his home base to Chengdu, they would return the Jing Province to Wu.

It seemed fair enough. While they would not have the resources that the Jing province could provide readily available, the promise that it would eventually become theirs was enough to soothe any open objections and their trust in Lord Liu Bei’s promise helped tremendously. He also explained that it would look good on their part to generously offer the land and that such generosity could be used to their advantage later, something that Wu could always benefit from. These had made it easy to win Lord Quan and the rest over and those that still had their reservations, outnumbered as they were, were wise to keep this to themselves for the most part. There were the occasional whispers of dissatisfaction among them but none acted out on it and they were quick to silence themselves when it was deemed inappropriate. Among them was Lü Meng but his closeness to Lu Su had made it difficult to express his opinion on the matter and it served as the perfect muzzle. 

Which, considering Zhou Yu’s reaction to the deal, was probably for the best, as Zhou Yu had several choice words for Lu Su went the news reached him. Lü Meng felt justified in his own feelings when he saw Zhou Yu’s reaction but it was short lived as the sight of Zhou Yu’s own justified rage was enough to make him question his own. It had taken much coaxing from Lu Su to calm their injured Chief-Commander down and even when the deed was done it wouldn’t have taken much to undo all of it. So, once again, Lü Meng kept his mouth shut and did or said nothing that would throw fuel into the fire.

The topic of Zhou Yu was a touchy one and one that Lü Meng found hard to address so openly with others. In all his years under his tutelage, enduring every failure and humiliation thrown his way, from his strict and rather unorthodox teaching method, he had always thought that seeing someone else return the favor to the strategist would have been gratifying. But to see his despair at Nanjun and to see such a fierce reaction to Lu Su’s well meaning plan, he could feel nothing even remotely close to that. Instead, he felt guilt and perhaps even horror, to see such a once calm and calculating man capable of holding such terrifying emotions. 

He knew Zhou Yu to be the jealous type- he openly admitted to such a flaw before he recalled, and he knew him to be petty, but this wasn’t just for drama. This kind of tantrum seemed more fitting for one of his sons, not for the respected Chief-Commander and yet there was nothing overly dramatic about it. It was visceral. It was real, and he wondered if Lu Su or Lord Quan even knew this.

Regardless, he did not have to suffer for too long at least, as his own growing list of duties more often than not called him away to deal with them, leaving their Chief-Commander to recover with his aides and his wife.

After his deeds at Nanjun, he was rewarded with another rank, higher income and with it, more duties, most of which he graciously accepted without argument. Between Chibi and their invasion of Nanjun, a Wei officer by the name of Xi Su had defected into their ranks and Lü Meng was informed that the man’s troops would be added to his own. This move confused him and it didn’t take long to find the culprit of this decision to be Zhou Yu’s doing. No doubt it was meant to be a reward for his plan to push for Gan Ning’s rescue, he thought to himself, and as flattered as he was, he wasted little time in sending a letter to Lord Quan over the matter. He had gone over the letter multiple times, dictating it to Ren as she nursed their youngest, Mu, and taking special precautions to sounds as polite as possible, as he rejected the offer and pushed for Xi Su to keep his troops. He rewrote the damn thing at least ten times until it was seemingly perfect and even then he wanted to gnaw his brush as he sent the letter forth, knowing that one wrong step and word could not only insult their young lord, but Zhou Yu as well, and as brave as he was, it wasn’t something he was eager to do right now.

Xi Su was a wise officer and had made the right, if not difficult choice in willingly joining our side, the letter had said after multiple rewrites, and it came after a lengthy list of deeds that the officer had been known for, all respectable and a promising asset to their army, especially in their fight against Wei. In his willingness to abandon Wei and join their cause, they now gained additional insight on the inner workings of Wei and would be beneficial in the future encounters (of which there was no doubt from either side that they would meet again on the battlefield in the near future). He pushed all of these through and then finished the letter with a quick and to the point message, one that he had tried to sweeten but ultimately found that being brunt might have simply been for the best. He requested that Xi Su keep his troops, as courtesy dictated that it’d be better to increase his command rather than take away. 

He waited three long days for a reply and when it came he was nearly tickled pink to have his lord’s approval on the matter. Gan Ning threw a jeer his way but he paid it little mind. His retort was a jeer of his own with mixed results. He flashed him a face that screamed of humor drier than any desert they knew existed and reminded him that he wouldn’t know courtesy with both hands on a road map and the mark was set afire just for him to see.

It cracked a smile from the former pirate but it was clear he didn’t appreciate the snarky comeback. Not that Lü Meng cared if his breeches were all in a bunch, really. Someone had finally told Gan Ning that it was Lü Meng, NOT Zhou Yu, that pushed for his rescue, and though he never received so much as a thanks, it was something he could forever hold over the former pirate’s head if he ever felt the need to put him in his place. Such moments weren’t in short supply, sadly, but Lü Meng seldom brought the topic up as he just had a feeling that it wouldn’t do him much good.

Can’t force gratitude on the unwilling, he was told by Lu Su and he found himself telling himself that time and time again. He would not seek it, and in turn, he would never receive it, and that was that.

“You still think he’s worth the trouble of keeping alive?” Lu Su asked as they reviewed the reports together. It was a rare occasion when Lord Zhou Yu was feeling well enough to welcome Lu Su’s and Lü Meng’s company and after trying to convince him to lay down and allow them to handle affairs and succeeding, they made sure to keep their voices down as he rested in the partially closed off room attached to his office. Xiao Qiao was out, tending to who knows what, as their work bored her (and she was keen on repeating herself time and time again). Lu Su especially was grateful for her departure, if only to partake in what Lü Meng guessed was his favorite pass time, which was testing Lü Meng’s patience. 

“Of course,” Lü Meng said, never once looking up from his tallying. Despite not gaining the Jing Province as they wanted, they did receive a decent influx of officers and supplies, and then there were the three hundred horses they recovered from his ploy to block the Wei officers’ retreat. “He’ll be a tremendous help against our future fights with Wei.”

“You sound confident in that.” There was no mockery in that statement, and it was this that made Lü Meng lift his gaze up from his work to catch the approving smile Lu Su wore. “I like that. Your resolution, that is. I don’t have much faith in Gan Ning, sadly, but if anyone can keep him in line, you’re the one.”

Lü Meng fought the need to scoff and merely accepted the compliment with a silent bob of the head. As much as he appreciated Lu Su’s compliment, he had no more control over the famed Pirate of the Silken Sails than any of them did. He wouldn’t admit this openly to them, however, playing on the rule that all war is deception. The less they knew about how much he found himself floundering with keeping Gan Ning under control and out of trouble, the more confident he could feel in himself about that entire situation. 

“I heard he made a rather open display of indifference in front of your student the other day, actually. Care to discuss what went on there?”

He’d rather not, but he knew better than to keep Lu Su, and by proxy Zhou Yu, out of the loop. He sorted through the next list of supplies, wanting to push these through the documentation process before it got too dark. Ba and Zong wanted to see the newly acquired horses and he couldn’t stand to see the disappointment in their little faces. “Lu Xun was discussing preparation strategies, and Gan Ning wasn’t so much as indifferent as he was openly bored. Lu Xun asked if he was boring him, and Gan Ning blew it off. Typical behavior from him, sadly.”

“Too true,” Lu Su said, accepting his student’s corrections and setting them aside for Zhou Yu to look at for when he was ready. That pile was getting bigger and bigger but Lu Su showed little signs of concern as he continued to add to that pile. “So, what became of that?”

“I spoke with Gan Ning after the meeting. Told him that he needed to show more respect to others and that he should attempt to get along with them if he wished to continue being useful to this army.”

“And how did that go?”

Lü Meng shrugged, not wishing to sound so flippant about the topic but equally unwilling to want to discuss something so frivolous when there was more work needing to be done. “He more or less conceded in his own way. Left with a snide comment about my age and that was that. As far as I can tell he hasn’t apologized to Lu Xun yet, but expecting him to do that…”

“Would be like expecting him to thank you for saving his life,” Lu Su said, finishing his sentence with ease. Lü Meng was hardly surprised and gave the man a nod to confirm his assumption. Neither saw Zhou Yu beginning to stir and Lü Meng returned to his work as Lu Su carried on, clearly wanting to pass the time with small talk. “He’s hard to work with. Those that aren’t completely smitten with his tales of adventure and fighting ability are aggravated by his complete lack of respect, yet you seem to keep him on somewhat of a leash well enough. For our sakes, I hope your assessment of his abilities are right. It’d be a pity for Lord Quan to have to fire him or put him to the sword before he proves of any use.”

Lü Meng didn’t want to think about such a possibility and he didn’t appreciate the pressure that came with knowing that if he couldn’t rein his friend in than termination or death awaited him. Thankfully, Zhou Yu was quick to offer a change in topic though one that took them both off guard as neither had realized he was awake and listening. “That Lu Xun, though… there is something about him, isn’t there?”

Lü Meng wasn’t sure how to answer and so he left it in Lu Su’s hands for the moment. As much as a good opportunity as this was to learn more of his pupil, he didn’t want to openly admit to either men that he hadn’t learned nearly enough about him and shame them. “You sense it too, then, Lord Zhou Yu? Should have known you would. He seems to have a bright future ahead of him, assuming Lü Meng here doesn’t pickle him.”

If he was expecting a retort, he’d leave disappointed. Lü Meng waited for either strategist to request his opinion on the matter and silently hoped they wouldn’t. And yet he knew it to be inevitable and he spoke up when he felt Zhou Yu’s eyes linger upon him with such an intensity that he felt the hairs on his neck rising. “He proclaims to have a firm understanding of the Art of War and other literature, though admittedly I haven’t tested him yet. Now that the crisis at Nanjun is over, I can run him through some drills and see where he stands. I’m-”

His apology was cut off by Zhou Yu though there wasn’t nearly as much anger or disappointment in that voice. Instead it was filmed to the brim with curiosity and Lü Meng wasn’t sure why he was so taken back by it. “I know of his skills… they are admirable, wiser than his years let on. Once he gains some experience, he’ll be a fine general… though why he chose to mentor under you is the mystery I have yet to solve.”

“He chose… what?” Lü Meng nearly dropped his brush but managed to keep a tight enough grip to prevent it from slipping away. The parchment he was working on was nearly ruined thanks to the elongated dash and he scrambled to wipe it away before the ink could dry and the contents of the report he was working on meant absolutely nothing to him now. What Zhou Yu said contradicted what Lianshi had said back at Nanjun, didn’t it? He racked his memory, all the while attempting to regain some control over his work and not slow them down. 

“Yes. He seemed so adamant about it, too,” Zhou Yu said, too caught up in his own thoughts to laugh at just how much his own student floundered about. Any effort to hide his flustered state was useless, sadly. “I offered to take him under my wing, but he insisted it be you, Lü Meng.”

It was certainly flattering, but Lü Meng felt more baffled by it. It certainly didn’t match Lianshi’s report at all, so now he wondered which of the two was mistaken. Was it Lord Zhou Yu or was it Lianshi? Instincts pointed to Zhou Yu, but there was always a ring of truth to Lianshi’s words. Could the inconsistency stem from Lu Xun himself, then? It was such a curious affair and he hated how much it dug under his skin that he didn’t have the answers. He kept his eyes set firmly on the parchment to avoid Lu Su’s and Zhou Yu’s glare, though his savior came in an unusual form. 

Old, bodyguard instincts were to thank on how he heard the approaching footsteps before the other two did. It didn’t offer him much of an advantage as he was taken off guard when a figure emerged through the curtains with such speed and determination that she might as well be tracking in a typhoon in her wake. Lü Meng watched in stunned horror as the finely decorated woman charged in, kicking around scrolls and paper and threatening to plow through the desk as she made a beeline for Zhou Yu. All three men immediately recognized the woman as none other than Lady Wu and they also recognized the blaze in her eyes as she grabbed the nearest object to her and flung it towards the Chief-Commander, her voice like a lightning bolt resonating against the walls and threatening to cause the entire room to collapse upon itself. “How DARE you marry my daughter to that man! Shame on you!”

By the will of the Gods was Zhou Yu able to dodge the bottle of ink that was sent his way and he was halfway up before Lu Su was able to snatch the book she was reeling back to throw. Lü Meng was already reaching for the glaive resting at his side, only to be chastised by Zhou Yu for it. “Lady Wu, please, calm yourself- Lü Meng, that’s hardly necessary!”

Lü Meng scoffed, taking one look at Lady Wu’s flames and for once questioning Zhou Yu’s judgement. He had seen such a look before in a woman and in all his years growing up in Fupo, he thought his own mother was a force to be reckoned with when pushed to her limits (something he had personally witnessed, and shamefully instigated on more than one occasion). It did nothing to prepare him for Lady Wu’s wrath and she made a point to ignore him and Lu Su as she kept her fury directed at the man that had wronged her. “How could you do such a thing to my daughter!? Have you no thought or care to her feelings? Or mine? You despicable, manipulative monster!”

There were far more insults and objects flung Zhou Yu’s way, some of which Lü Meng wasn’t at all ashamed to admit that he had lost track of. Before he could even set aside his glaive and think of a way to pacify Lady Wu, Lord Quan ran in, strands of his unusual red hair escaped from their well-kept mane and a look of unspoken terror in his green eyes, letting the two bystanders know that he already had his run in with this terror and had little luck in subduing her. “Mother, please, would you just hear us out for a moment!”

All it did was turn her fury onto him and Lü Meng felt Lu Su corralling him towards the door. It was probably for the best that he’d leave the matter for Zhou Yu, Lu Su and his Lord to resolve, as he was absolutely certain he knew nothing about whatever set her off and that there’d be nothing he could say or do that would do any good here. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“She terrified you that much?”

Lü Meng had a feeling Zuo Ci would pull them away just to chide him for that and he felt absolutely no shame in admitting to the very real fear he felt that day. “Not just me. Any sane person would fear her, or any mother when they feel their child is threatened. Wasn’t your mother the same?”

Zuo Ci offered him a farce smile as he deflected the question without so much as batting an eye. “We are not at liberty to discuss my life, only yours. Could you not have used your own experience with your mother to try and quell the situation?”

“My mother and Lady Wu are… completely different entities and should be treated as such, though both with a great deal of respect.” Lü Meng took advantage of the lapse of memories to resituate himself, as the tingling in his legs and ache in his backside was starting to grind on his nerves. How did people do this sitting for hours nonsense? He felt as though he might as well give up his lower regions by now. “Yes, my mother had a temper, but it’s nothing compared to Lady Wu, as you clearly saw. She would act out, but she’d never throw such a tantrum and if she did I doubt her aim would have been half as good as Lady Wu’s. When Lady Wu stormed in that day, there was fire and wind, a humanized cyclone that spread her flames in bursts, to distract from the heartache that caused her to lash out. My mother, when she got angry… she’d be nothing but ice, a solid, immovable force, and when she did strike, it came like an avalanche and buried you with guilt and shame.”

“I suspect, with the amount of detail you put into that comparison and the prose of it, that you had experienced this kind of anger from your mother a lot?”

Lü Meng considered the question and despite the reawakening of such emotions, of shame and helplessness, he couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of it. Here he was, one of Wu’s finest, spilling the truth of some of his greatest fears. “What can I say? I was a troublemaker.”

Zuo Ci arched one of his slender brows and tilted his head, which enticed Lü Meng to add more to the statement. “Suppose I still am, depending on your point of view. Simply in a beneficial way to Wu, not so much for my enemies.”

“It’s not too late to change that, you know,” Zuo Ci said, luring his attention back to their current dilemma and away from the memories that threatened to spring up and throw them off course. It worked like the perfect anchor and Lü Meng silently thanked him as the mystic carried on. “Shu doesn’t have to be your enemy. It’s not too late to call your troops back, or send aid to them.”

“It is. I told you, mystic, that I have no intention of pulling back now.” Perhaps he allowed too much venom to seep through his words, but the new position and remembering Lady Wu’s tirade in Zhou Yu’s quarters had inspired new strength into him and he’d be damned if he wouldn’t take full advantage of it. “You’re the one who keeps seeking my reasons, probing my head and trouncing around my memories to get the answer you want instead of simply allowing me to explain my reasoning. Now, kindly stop interrupting my life story with these interludes! It’s only delaying the inevitable and giving me a sore back.”

Oh yes, he was too bold. Any humor that Zuo Ci held drained from his face and the angle of his head casted a sinister shadow over his face. And yet, it was too late to take back such words. Zuo Ci would make him suffer through his own memories, to test his resolve, to break him, and he was determined not to allow it. So, once again, he steeled himself, ignoring the false politeness in the mystic’s voice as it carried him back into the flashbacks. “Yes, with a tongue like that, it’s clear to see how you angered others so much.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The humanized cyclone that ran through Jianye was eventually quelled, no doubt after Zhou Yu had exhausted every last bit of energy in doing so. The wedding that would take place between Lord Liu Bei and Lady Sun was nothing more than a ruse, merely a scheme to lure Liu Bei into their territory and isolate him from his men (mainly Zhuge Liang). He’d be easier to control, Zhou Yu proclaimed, explaining his plan with thorough detail and making it clear that it wasn’t simply to throw Lady Wu off her tirade. There wouldn’t be an actual wedding and Lady Wu’s daughter would be free to do as she liked, while Wu gained the political upper hand. 

Lady Wu wasn’t thrilled with the idea and few blamed her, but Zhou Yu’s explanation and promise were enough to sate her rage and send her on her way, likely to help in the ‘preparation’. It took several cups of tea to calm Zhou Yu’s nerves after such a storm and even then one couldn’t ignore how much his hands shook as he set down his cup.

He received no jokes or judgement for that, at least not from Lü Meng. He was grateful that the task of talking Lady Wu down didn’t fall onto his shoulders, but he had counted his blessings far too soon. Zhou Yu’s request to inform Shangxiang may have been directed at Lu Su, but Lü Meng was hardly surprised when he requested his assistance in the matter. 

After the maelstrom he just witnessed, he didn’t think the daughter could be any worse than the mother. He suspected she’d be on par with Lady Wu and from what Lianshi had told him, the idea of marriage to Liu Bei may not have been such a catastrophic thing to Shangxiang. If anything, she may have been more disappointed that it was nothing but a ruse, but he kept his thoughts to himself as they approached her training quarters. Lu Su may have put on confident act but Lü Meng saw through it easily. No doubt he had a good reason for Lü Meng to accompany him and the sight of her armed chambermaids, while impressive to Lü Meng, did not do much in relieving either of them that the situation could have gotten out of hand extremely fast. 

The glares they received from them warned them that their lady already heard the news but none rose their weapons or uttered a word to them as they entered the chamber. Whatever thoughts lingered on their minds would remain a mystery, though both men knew that they would receive no such courtesy from Shangxiang. If anything, they were surprised that they weren’t dodging arrows from the moment they entered, and the look in her fierce, emerald eyes warned them both that such an action wasn’t outside of the realm of possibilities. There was a good reason she was so famously dubbed the “Bow-Waisted Princess” and it had nothing to do with the shape of her hips.

“You have some nerve, bargaining me off like I’m a bolt of silk- oh, it’s just you two.” She moved her hands away from her bow and placed them firmly on her hips, though it didn’t make her look any less menacing. Lü Meng concentrated all of his energy in keeping his face as passive as possible despite the burn and Lu Su’s humored smile worked as an excellent salve for his own bruised ego. It at least gave them some relief that her righteous fury wasn’t directed at them though it’d do them little good. “What? Was Lord Zhou Yu too scared to come talk to me himself so he sent the both of you instead?”

“With all due respect, princess, he’s already dealt with your mother. Don’t you feel he’s been through enough?” 

Lu Su’s attempt at keeping the atmosphere light as a deterrent to rising tension was often respected and appreciated in the court, but it hardly seemed effective here. Lianshi was ever present, standing near her princess and by her stance, Lü Meng assumed she had been trying her level best to calm her down. It was probably Lianshi’s efforts that kept the bow strapped to her waist and Lü Meng flashed her a silent greeting and soaked in her polite, if not stressed, smile, before turning his gaze back to Shangxiang. “He got off lightly, then! What a coward, him and my brother! Making such plans behind my back, without even asking me. Where do they come off?”

“My lady, you have every reason to be upset and none can blame you, however, there’s been a misunderstanding. Yes, Lord Zhou Yu planned to wed you to Liu Bei, but it’s nothing more than a ruse.”

The movement was subtle but Lü Meng caught it, as well as Lu Su. Her anger was appeased and replaced with confusion, though not for too long. “A ruse?”

“Yes, my lady.” Despite its limited success earlier, Lu Su easily drifted back into the court approach, though Lü Meng noted his tone was slightly sweeter and kinder than when addressing fellow generals and advisors. Yes, that was far more into his element and he’d ride that wave for as long as possible. “Our plan is to lure Liu Bei here and keep him here, away from his men, long enough for us to attempt to win him over to our side.”

She understood the plan thus far, but there was still some heat in her eyes, even as she relaxed her stance some. As a member of the Sun family, it seemed obligatory that their emotions fueled their entire existence, as it was always evident in their form. Though Lord Quan seemed blessed (or cursed) to be born with some form of reserve, Sun Ce and Shangxiang seemed physically incapable of masking their emotions and the fire in her voice threatened to burn the air around them as she asked. “Alright, so it’s one of his silly schemes. Why not just invite him over for tea, or peace talks? Why set up this elaborate wedding and using -me- as the bait?”

“Don’t you think Lord Zhou Yu hadn’t considered other alternatives?” Despite the flames, Lu Su carried on and even dared a step closer to her, never once losing his honeyed tone as it seemed the best combatant to Shangxiang’s fires. And all the while, Lü Meng and Lianshi watched, holding their tongues but ready to step in. “It had to be something private, something personal, something that would not arouse his own officer’s suspicions. So a wedding seemed like it would be the best solution to that.”

She wasn’t thoroughly convinced. Anyone with a working brain could see that, but at least she didn’t immediately fly off the handle again. “And so he chose me, when there were countless other women to chose from. Why?”

Lü Meng knew the answer to that but he held his tongue. He remembered what Lianshi told him at Nanjun and it seemed that Lord Zhou Yu might have noticed Shangxiang’s little crush on Liu Bei. He could feel Lianshi’s eyes burning into him, as Lu Su spoke to the questionative princess. “Perhaps so, but those maidens hardly compare to you, don’t you think? In a political marriage, one would have to present the other with an equally beneficial partner and offering Lord Liu Bei anything less than a lady of your caliber would appear insulting, thus making it likely that he might decline.”

“So, just political reasons? Nothing else? It’s awfully nice of Lord Zhou Yu to put Liu Bei’s feelings into account- no, wouldn’t want him to insult the man he’s willing to lock away the moment he rides in. Don’t ask -my- feelings on the matter!”

And just like that, whatever ground Lu Su thought he had was snatched from under his feet. In all his years under Zhou Yu’s and this man’s tutelage, Lü Meng never thought he’d see the day that anyone would turn the man on his head. He thought he’d want to see such a sight, but now, he was only getting aggravated. Lu Su fumbled with his thoughts for the moment, leaving the door open for Lü Meng to speak and ever the plucky one, he did. “That’s politics, my lady. Personal feelings and desires have no place in them for anyone involved. You were picked because you were the best candidate for the plan and nothing more.”

Perhaps plucky hadn’t been the word Lu Su would have used to describe. Instead, stupid and foolish might have fit, and whether it was the words themselves or the completely dry manner in which he delivered it, Shangxiang’s flames may as well have reached the ceiling. Lianshi was ready to intervene but she wasn’t fast enough, just missing grabbing Shangxiang as the Sun princess stormed over to Lü Meng, a balled fist raised and poised to strike. There was no hesitation in her form and neither would there be in Lü Meng’s, as he rose a hand to block the strike. There wasn’t enough time to attempt to talk her down or to allow Lu Su or Lianshi to try before the next strike came. He didn’t see it coming from the right and he was more stunned by its sudden appearance and how it got past him than he was that she had struck at him in the first place. 

It took everything within him not to strike back and it was Lianshi that likely spared Shangxiang from any retaliatory strike from Lü Meng, as she grabbed the hand that struck Lü Meng’s cheek and pulled her out of arm’s reach. She might have tried for a kick but Lü Meng couldn’t see for sure as he was too busy blinking back the pain and focusing all of his will into refusing to show that it had even affected him. 

“I’m not some political tool to be used for anyone else’s gain! I’m not some bolt of silk or a horse to be bartered with! I’m not some dainty, little princess that’ll just sit idly by and be used in such a degrading manner just because Lord Zhou Yu can’t figure out another way to push his schemes into action!” As if the blow wasn’t enough, Shangxiang jumped onto the verbal offensive, her voice carrying into the halls and proving to be an equal match to her mother’s. Whereas Lü Meng had just barely avoided Lady Wu’s wrath, he would be getting her daughter’s here and this time, there was no escape. He had to stand his ground and take the assault, all the while struggling to hold onto his own temper, lest there be two storms colliding this day. “I am Sun Shangxiang, Princess of the Bow, and I will not allow myself to be treated like this! I’m a member of the Sun family!”

“Then act like it,” Lü Meng said, raising his own voice and matching her in volume, though not in intensity. Zhou Yu and Lu Su’s egos weren’t the only ones that’d leave this day bruised, but he’d be damned if he didn’t wear his with pride. He ignored Lianshi’s and Lu Su’s reaction- in fact, he ignored them both entirely and kept his gaze firmly planted on the young woman before him. She seemed shocked that he had talked back but remained undeterred, and when she didn’t immediately lash out or shout back, he continued, his voice gruff but not nearly as loud as it once was. “You think I don’t know a member of the Sun family when I see one, my lady? I may not have served your father, but I’ve served your brothers, Ce and Quan. I was Lord Sun Ce’s personal bodyguard- I know what to expect from a Sun by now, and trust me when I say that you certainly have the resolve and tenacity of one.

“But what good will it do you if you throw a tantrum like this any time something doesn’t go your way? What good is yelling and screaming going to do, make us shriek in terror and retreat? Have you considered how your brother feels about any of this?” Lü Meng threw question after question at her, knowing he should have just gone quiet and taken her rage in stride. But he couldn’t silence himself, even when he was damn certain that his words might invoke another retaliatory strike. “You’re right, we didn’t ask your permission to do this initially, and the error lies in us for that. Yes, we shouldn’t have just assumed you’d take this lying down, because then you wouldn’t be a Sun. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to duck out of your responsibility to your family, just because your feelings are hurt.”

Now Lu Su chimed in and the horror in his voice might have been humorous at any other time. “Lü Meng, you should probably stop-”

“Responsibility? What do you mean my responsibility to my family?” Shangxang didn’t give Lu Su the chance to go any further and surprisingly, she sounded a little calmer though the fire was still there, merely waiting for the wind to pick up again. 

“That’s right, Lady Shangxiang. You have a responsibility to uphold in your family, just as Lord Sun Ce did when he chose to attack Yuan Shu, his benefactor, as well as Lord Quan when he put his entire nation at risk to declare war against Cao Cao.” Something happened between the two and Shangxiang’s calm spread onto him. He was still stiff and rigid, but he wasn’t yelling and he wasn’t shaking nearly as much as before. Whatever caused such a calm, he welcomed it. “Your brothers were faced with hard decisions but in the end they did what they felt to be right. What makes you any different or any less than them in this?”

“My lady, Lü Meng raises a good point, though his tact could use some work,” Lu Su said, chiming in again and this time making it stick, and the way he spoke the last few words was enough to force Lü Meng to back off. He swallowed his pride and took a step back though now uncertain of what to do with himself or how much he botched this entire operation. He tried not to think about it and thankfully Lu Su was the perfect distraction. “It was wrong of us to make such plans without your consent, even worse to not take your feelings into consideration. However, Lü Meng’s right. You’re the only one that can do this, Lady Sun.”

The honey in Lu Su’s voice was in abundance but only to counter the pure vinegar of Lü Meng’s tone, and no one present was sure if it’d have the desire effect. Shangxiang was just as unpredictable and volatile as her brother and Lü Meng realized then just how fortunate he was that he had never gotten onto Sun Ce’s bad side. She looked unconvinced, but conflicted, and Lü Meng had no doubt that Lu Su would capitalize on it. “My lady, we would not ask this of you if we didn’t know you were capable of it. We’re not asking you to go through with the wedding, simply to spend time with him and keep him occupied until we’ve put our plan in motion. That’s why I came here today. I wanted to explain the plan to you and ask your permission to go through with this. It’s late, I know, but no less sincere.”

The edge in her eyes softened slightly but it wasn’t out of understanding or acceptance. No, it was pain, and it was clear that she wasn’t willing to show such an open wound. No one in the Sun family wanted to be seen as weak or vulnerable and Shangxiang was no different. Lü Meng couldn’t fault her for that. She looked to Lianshi and they shared a silent conversation, before she let out a huff. “I’ll think about it.”

It wasn’t a definitive answer and the delivery of the line made it clear that she was throwing in a request to leave as well. Both men accepted her answer and with a bow from each, they left. Lü Meng would have been content to make the trip back to Zhou Yu’s quarters in silence but he knew that the moment they were out of the chambermaids’ earshot that Lu Su would give him an earful. Only when they were well beyond the peeping eyes and ears of others did Lü Meng acknowledge the pain from the blow and he didn’t need to say a word to invoke Lu Su’s chiding wrath. “You deserved that.”

“I did,” said Lü Meng, not even bothering to try and deny it. He deserved more than what he got, but he chose not to dwell on it. To think, years of dealing with Zhou Yu’s teaching antics had a use beyond the war room and the battlefield. He was always worried as to why he didn’t feel any remorse for his words but the thought passed through his head and back out without having a long term effect. 

“But you’re not wrong. Just… don’t let Lady Sun hear that. I wish this was the last mess for us to clean up today, but I’m sure Lord Zhou Yu’s quarters is still waiting for us.”

Lü Meng merely replied with a silent nod and followed Lu Su without another word. He wasn’t sure how fast news would spread throughout Jianye or how much of a blow his reputation would take, but it hardly bothered him now. The situation hadn’t completely gone to hell and the fact that Shangxiang said she’d think about it was enough of a victory. Whatever guilt he had in knowing that she did have feelings for Liu Bei was chased away when he remembered just how much Lord Zhou Yu was banking on this whole scheme to work. Sometimes duty called for sacrifices, and Shangxiang would learn that lesson the hard way, he said to himself, taking solace in this to combat the throbbing from where she managed to blindside him. He didn’t regret his words then and nor would he, he told himself with foolhardy determination.


	30. A Teacher's Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cao Ren tries to prepare Lady Ren for the worst and Lü Meng recalls Zhou Yu's tragic descent...

The staring contest that existed between Sima Yi and Cao Ren didn’t last long but it felt as if it went on for ages. Neither Lady Ren nor Lü Ba said a word or if they had it was drowned out by the pug’s happy wheezings as it danced around the Wei commander’s feet. Eventually, Sima Yi lost that stare down and gave the senior officer a tight bow, before taking his leave. He dared not catch Cao Ren’s gaze as he passed him by and nothing was spoken between the two nor would there be anyone speaking until it was clear that Sima Yi was well out of earshot.

Cao Ren was the one to break the silence and only then did he kneel and scoop up the dog, carrying him to his master as she rose to greet him. The tension that once lingered in the air and threatened to choke them was gone and nowhere was it more apparent than in how golden Ren’s smile had become. “You spoil him, Lord Cao Ren. Thank you so much.”

Even in his private quarters, Cao Ren remained the ever immovable rock and Baozi hardly seemed bothered by the cold armor that the man that held him wore. Had Cao Ren allowed it, Baozi would have licked his face but the commander had long since learned to keep the overly affectionate dog well away from his face. The pug was passed to his owner and Ren managed to catch both the dog as well as those hands and though it was brief, she could feel all of the apprehension that such a strong, stoic man felt. She wanted to hold her tongue and thus far she did a remarkable job in hiding her concern, as Cao Ren addressed her, nodding to Lü Ba as he did so. “It is no bother at all, my lady. I’m sorry if Lord Sima Yi’s disturbed you.”

Lü Ba said nothing and it was just as well. Cao Ren could still see remnants of anger in the young man’s eyes and there was hardly any question who was the one that caused it. Lady Ren, however, smiled as though there was never anything in the room besides her son, her dog and herself until Cao Ren showed up. “Hardly. I’m actually surprised there hasn’t been more inquiries into this room.”

“There’s no need,” Cao Ren said, his tone flat and carrying a weight with it, one that a mother would easily pick up on if it was spoken from her own child. She set Baozi down on her seat and stepped closer to the Wei commander, tilting her head upwards so that she could see him through the helmet that concealed the human beneath it. “Most men have either come to trust that Wu will come, and those that don’t are too busy with their duties to question it.”

“So Lord Sima Yi must have plenty of time on his hands then,” said Ren, her smile warm to combat the cold she felt emanating from their host. It wasn’t just the rain that soaked his armor that gave off such frigid waves though it didn’t stop her from pulling the fabric at her sleeves and dabbing it dry. She made a point to ignore Ba’s chuckle and carried on with her small talk, wondering when he’d open up to her or what she would have to do to make it happen. Immovable stone as he was, she had ways of cracking shells, she told herself rather smugly. “One would think he’d be like everyone else in this castle and have his hands full. He needs a hobby, I think, that isn’t pestering an old woman and her children. One would think him villainous.”

It was brief and the helmet worked wonders in concealing it, but she caught his smile, as small and as short lived as it may have been. “This siege’s unnerved a lot of men. Good men, too. I do not blame him or anyone for being skeptical on Wu’s part. I merely wish I had more to offer them.”

“Is father’s word not enough?” Ba asked, not meaning to sound disrespectful but unfortunately he had taken too much of his sire’s traits to sugarcoat either his words or his tone. “Is the fact that you’re holding his wife and heir ‘hostage’?”

“Perhaps the latter would be, if Lord Cao Ren had told them about us,” Ren said to her son, withdrawing from Cao Ren and granting him a momentary peace. By then, Baozi’s excited yips and wheezings had calmed down to a more tolerable pant and only when Ren had turned completely to her son did Cao Ren scratch the pug’s head. “Given Lord Sima Yi’s reaction, I don’t think they even know we’re here.”

Ba wasn’t happy with the answer but he wouldn’t fight it. He was far more relieved with Cao Ren’s presence than he was with Sima Yi but there was still an air of apprehension from him. Cao Ren could hardly blame the youth. Wei and Wu had been enemies for most, if not all, of his life and he half suspected that neither Lü Meng nor Lady Ren indulged in any of his father’s exploits on the battlefield or their repeated encounters. “It was a back up plan anyways, so I hardly see what the fuss is all about, Ba. The best solution would have been they simply believed your father’s and Lord Sun Quan’s desire for the Jing Province and their honor to be enough to convince them.”

The young man wanted to say something but common sense seemed to take a hold of him, sparring his mother from having to give him another lecture as well as Cao Ren from having to hear his own kingdom ridiculed and spat upon. No, he didn’t blame Ba for his thoughts and convictions and in a way he admired the youth for sticking true to his stance, even when the kingdom his father cherished so dearly chose such a dark turn. How much had it hurt Lü Ba to know that his father was the one that pushed for the Jing province, to willingly side with the ones they swore to fight against? His heart bled for the youth but he refused to allow it to go too deep. No, not when there were his own men’s turmoils still so fresh in his mind. “My lady, forgive me. I do not wish to cut out visit short as I’ve come to enjoy them-”

“As do I, but you don’t have to apologize to me, my lord. I’m a general’s wife and I’m more than used to seeing him rush out to his business.”

And truly there was no malice or even an inkling of aggression or annoyance in her voice. In a way, he admired as well as pitied her, to be so used to such a thing. He didn’t hold it against Wu’s current Chief-Commander but it was hard not to want to feel guilt trying to stir within him and threaten to undo all of his hard work in keeping himself as sturdy as his armor and his reputation to be. “However, I must warn you. The situation’s dire and is growing more by the moment. Our enemy hasn’t shown any signs of relenting and there’s been no word from the Wu forces that have occupied Jing.”

Ren’s small shoulders squared back and to her credit she hid whatever distress she had very well, all things considered. “Has there been a hold up?”

“None that I know of. We can scarcely get a messenger through to see what’s the cause of the delay, but I will keep trying.” In a way, he was grateful that she kept such a tight lid on her emotions as it made it easier for him to maintain his own. With no one else around, none of his own men, it might have been far too easy to let all of it slip and for her sake, he couldn’t. He couldn’t. “I know he’ll come. However, the men are beginning to show doubt and our morale is decreasing by the day.”

Ren passed a look to Ba, seeking to console any growing fear in her son’s eyes with a passive nod. There was an understanding there that Cao Ren caught a glimpse of and he wasn’t surprised to see Lü Ba grab the spear he had set aside. “And if he doesn’t show up soon? Then what, Lord Cao Ren?”

“Then… perhaps it would be best to consider the safest escape route for you and your family, my lady, while there is still time.” Cao Ren knew that she wouldn’t be happy with such a verdict and she didn’t even pretend to hide it. “Please, don’t give me that look. You know the real reason you’re here and I gave my word that you wouldn’t be harmed, by either men of Shu or Wei, and I fully intend on upholding that promise.”

“And I know you do, however, if you think I’m going to just abandon you and make my husband a liar, then I’m afraid you’re mistaken.” She countered, never once raising her voice but making it clear that she was just as much a rock as him and she didn’t need impenetrable armor to show it. “I know he’ll come, as do you. Perhaps you should spend more time convincing your men of this and give them some measure of hope instead of figuring out a way to get the three of us out of Fan castle without raising Shu’s suspicions.”

It was not often he was backed into a position but still he would not yield, even when he found himself almost envious of her confidence. Even if it was damn near naive. “That will not be easy. Not when news of Lord Xiahou Yuan’s passing reaches them.”

Ren’s eyes went wide with surprise and in that moment, Cao Ren swore he could see his own reflection in her eyes. He could see how old and ragged he appeared, years of combat, strict defense, battles where he was thrown out of his element and had witnessed his share of defeats to pepper his victories. He could see the eyes that drooped from the weight of the horror he had seen, against fellow soldiers, against innocents. And now, he saw a man that had been holed up in a castle for months, his own defenses turned against him and death to him and his brave men drawing ever so near, having to rely on the aid of their once enemies to come to their rescue. He had seen a man that had already lost a cherished cousin and would lose countless more men, and yet he still clung to the hope that a man he clashed weapons with plenty of times would come, as he said he would. 

He had seen too much and it was that and Ren’s gentle touch that nearly broke him. Nearly. “Lord Cao Ren… I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“I know such a fate for men of war is inevitable, yet it… does not lessen the blow any.” Cao Ren took her hand and gently forced it away. He appreciated her kindness but he could not indulge this, not when his defenses were so weak and his armor so heavy. “This will hurt the men, and I fear that it may be too much to bear for them.”

Morale in war was vital. Ren recalled her husband telling her this and she could even think of the story that followed it, but Ba’s sudden shout drew both of their attention to the window. “Lord Cao Ren, the men are opening the gates. One of your officers is marching out… I think he’s carrying a casket.”

It didn’t take long for Cao Ren, Ren, and a now curious Baozi to gather at the window, and Cao Ren gently guided Ren to the drapes, keeping her and her son concealed as he peered out. Ba didn’t lie, nor did he exaggerate. There, standing at the open entrance was the warrior, Pang De, mounted atop a nervous horse and with weapon in one hand and a casket slung over his shoulders with the other. Ren couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself and she looked to Cao Ren with some hope shining in her eyes. “That’s an awfully large casket. You think Lord Guan Yu would fit in it?”

“I fear it may not be for Guan Yu.”

~*~*~

Things had not gone exactly as planned and that might have been the understatement of the century. Lü Meng felt helpless as events continued to unfold before him. Most warriors he knew were quick to pass off the idea that politics could be a dangerous game in its own right, and those warriors were completely wrong. Even with his extensive years of training under Lord Zhou Yu, he knew he was still lacking in the skills and experience that’d be needed for him to compete in the grueling political world that existed.

From the very beginning of his training, he was at a huge disadvantage as he had the ‘misfortune’ of being born to a penniless lifestyle. When working on the farms and staving off bandits, wild animals, and diseases, few ever took the time and care to write, much less learn manners or dabble in courtly affairs. He was raised to merely bow his head when any high ranking nobleman passed by and if he should ever find himself in the presence of the Emperor himself to kowtow. He was dragged into this world with absolutely no knowledge of how to attend to such matters that he once foolishly believed were beyond his realm, and yet that pleased Zhou Yu. 

An empty cup made for easy filling.

Not that Lü Meng understood that at first, but he came to understand and appreciate that later (a matter he would constantly be dealing with when it came to Lu Xun). It meant that he’d have a lot to learn, but at least it meant that he wouldn’t have formed any major bad habits. Barring his brusque manner of speech, Lü Meng was tailored to life in the court, despite his initial rejections. He was a warrior and a strategist, he reminded Zhou Yu, and when he questioned why he would have to take such an active role in such political affairs, all for one single strategy, his teacher was quick to scold him and leave him with a parting remark.

“Someday, this will be your responsibility, Lü Meng. I merely wish to make sure you’re ready for it, should it come sooner.”

He didn’t like those words. He was flattered that Zhou Yu wanted to prepare him and that he apparently had enough faith in him to be welcomed into a world he had been content to stay out of, but there was something foreboding about that message. He didn’t like it, but he endured, as he always did.

Lü Meng pondered how many truly knew of the wedding being a ruse but dared not ask around. If neither Zhou Yu nor Lu Su spoke of it, than neither would he. Like hell he’d be the reason this plot fell to pieces! 

And yet, something seemed to be doing a marvelous job of that already. 

It had started out rough already, thanks to not only Lady Wu’s rampage but Sun Shangxiang’s as well, but she had eventually agreed to play along. As expected he never received an apology from her and nor would he hold his breath for one. Even after she struck him, he knew it was justified, and either it wasn’t enough to damage his reputation or news of its happenings hadn’t reached enough people yet for him to care. There was hardly any shame in their princess getting a blow in and truly he felt none. He would simply have to use that as a reminder to watch his tongue, as well as check his blind spots better.

Once the two main oppositions were on board, Zhou Yu had hoped things would good swimmingly. Lord Liu Bei had taken the bait splendidly, though he did not arrive alone, as the warrior Zhao Yun accompanied him. This hardly bothered Zhou Yu. So long as it wasn’t Zhuge Liang that came with him, he didn’t care. Lü Meng recognized the warrior instantly but said nothing to him or about him to Lord Zhou Yu.

He should have.

There was something about the charisma that Liu Bei had that undoubtedly lured people into liking him. Lü Meng had heard such stories and he couldn’t help but notice the complete and utter adoration that Lu Su expressed when he was near this man. Even when just speaking of him, he seemed so warm and welcoming to Liu Bei. Lady Wu was the first to openly turn a cold shoulder to the charismatic leader when he approached and for a brief moment they feared she would try to send Liu Bei away. Ruse or not, it was clear she wasn’t at all impressed. At least it was the one things she and Lü Meng could agree on.

But Zhao Yun addressed her and spoke of the man’s deeds, as well as his character. He gave a convincing speech, so much so that not only was Lady Wu completely smitten with the idea of marriage, but others had jumped on board as well. It was a precarious turn of events and no one could mistake the growing fear in Zhou Yu’s eyes as he watched his own scheme backfire horribly. 

Zhuge Liang coached him, Zhou Yu said, waiting until it was just himself and Lu Su (and Lü Meng, though he remained well out of sight) to allow his act to falter. Lu Su had tried to convince him otherwise, but Zhou Yu never relented. He swore it was Zhuge Liang’s doing, that he had somehow predicted this plot and was now turning it against them. 

From where Lü Meng listened in, he couldn’t find flaw in Lord Zhou Yu’s suspicions, but at the same time, Lu Su’s explanation made a lot of sense. As far as the two men there knew, this wedding was legit, and Zhao Yun had only spoken in his lord’s favor when he feared that Lady Wu would dismiss the wedding. Everything that Zhao Yun had said was sincere and straight from the heart, as his devotion to Liu Bei was without question.

Lü Meng wasn’t so sure. He could no more deny the overwhelming fear that Zhou Yu expressed than he could Lu Su’s attempts to keep him rational. Which teacher should he support? Would that make matters better or worse? 

What was suppose to be a ruse to capture Liu Bei and hold him hostage had turned completely around in a matter of seconds. Before any of them could so much as get an order out, the wedding was in full swing. Once again, Lady Wu had stormed into Zhou Yu’s quarters with a flustered Sun Quan in tow and Lü Meng was more than ready to grab every object he could before she had the chance to throw it. Not that she needed to, as her demands threatened to floor all of them. She wanted the wedding to commence at once, and the look that Lord Quan gave Zhou Yu warned that there would be no talking Lady Wu out of it.

Zhou Yu was still reeling when Shangxiang arrived and made a similar demand from her brother, and that seemed to seal the deal on Zhou Yu’s plot entirely. The false wedding that they had all been preparing for had taken a life of its own and within a day, the deed was done. 

“Everyone seems so happy, don’t they?”

Lü Meng’s thoughts, whatever they were, were chased away by the unfiltered bitterness that escaped through those lips and he looked towards Zhou Yu. He was barely a shell of a man, sitting there in his bed, in remission of his crippling despair once more. Lu Su had been sent away to tend to affairs in his place and Lü Meng lingered behind if only to finish the last of the paperwork. He kept quiet and out of the way, even when a stampede charging through his room wouldn’t have pulled the Chief-Commander from his trance. He was surprised to hear him speak at all and he answered softly, not at all with the usual gruffness he possessed. “So it would seem.”

“The fools. Zhuge Liang plays them like a lute… and they celebrate,” Zhou Yu said, his voice void of every emotion that didn’t exist within the range of resentment and disgust. Lü Meng hardly blamed him but he had no idea what to do so he held his tongue. He found the best method of coping with Lord Zhou Yu when in this mood was to let the open wound bleed out on its own and let the toxins out. “How did he know? How could he have known? Not even you or Lu Su knew… yet, he planned ahead. He knew.”

Lü Meng hated this. He wasn’t sure why he hated it, either. On the one hand, he felt his teacher was being too hard on himself, but on the other, to seem him so distraught, all because another had outsmarted him. It was damn near childish and try as he might, he couldn’t stop himself from snorting at the thought of what he could, and probably should, say to him. 

“But it was foolish of me… to play Lady Sun’s feelings like that. I should have known it’d backfire from that alone.”

Now that Lü Meng couldn’t stop but comment on and he wished he could regret his words. “Given how she already felt about him? Completely foolish, my lord.”

And yet, it dawned on him then as to why Shangxiang’s reaction was so visceral and why she was truly upset. Guilt returned but it was chased away easily, as Zhou Yu’s whimper demanded his attention. He set aside the scrolls and nearly dropped them to get to Zhou Yu’s bedside in time, not once meaning for Zhou Yu to hear just how deep his own concern went. “Lord Zhou Yu, are you well?”

“No, but… do not concern yourself with it. It must please you, to see me defeated like this.” Once Lü Meng was at his bedside, Zhou Yu made sure to capture his attention and his smile completely contradicted the listless tone of his voice as he carried on. “After the way I trained you, through humiliating you and pushing you so hard. You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Lü Meng sneered and answered without even thinking. “No, my lord. I’m not.”

“Not even a little? After all I done to you?”

There was genuine confusion in Zhou Yu’s brown eyes, though why it was there was beyond him. Lü Meng wondered if there was something wrong with himself, because he tried to dig up some kind of mirth or cruel satisfaction that came with seeing Zhou Yu outfoxed. Should he have been? He didn’t feel any and nor would he lie. “You did what you had to do to get me where I am today. I can’t imagine I was an easy student.”

“You weren’t… you were thicker than a horse’s skull!”

Even at that, he only found himself wanting to laugh. It was true, wasn’t it? He tried not to smile as to not belittle his teacher, and yet he had a feeling that he was one or two words away from ruining whatever moment they were having. 

“You should go and enjoy the festivities, Lü Meng.” Zhou Yu laid back in his bed and turned to face the window. Lü Meng glanced at it but didn’t move. The entire event just rubbed him the wrong way and he knew he wouldn’t enjoy it, but he knew that he couldn’t stay if Zhou Yu chose to dismiss him. “Shouldn’t let such a trivial thing as me being outdone ruin a perfectly good celebration.”

“It’s not trivial,” Lü Meng said, his voice taking a more natural, rough tone, even when he kept his voice low, should it risk carrying out into the courtyard below. Zhou Yu’s shoulders stiffened but he kept his gaze turned away, no doubt paying attention as Lü Meng added with a discontent mutter. “Not to you, anyways.”

Now Zhou Yu looked at him but he couldn’t describe what that expression entailed. Had Lu Su been there, he might not have fed Zhou Yu’s paranoia and would try to talk him down, but Lü Meng wasn’t Lu Su and nor would he ever be. He spoke from the heart and said exactly what was on his mind, for better or for worse. “You feel this Zhuge Liang is a viable threat, Lord Zhou Yu, and you don’t wish for our lord or Wu to be harmed by him. Your concern feels real, so it’s not trivial.” 

There was something in that smile that haunted him and he forced himself not to look away. As much as he trained under Zhou Yu, he was ashamed that there were still thoughts that would forever remained lost and locked away to him. What he would have given to know what the man he had once despised but game to respect, even in a twisted way as it was, was thinking? Or perhaps it was for the best that he didn’t know what thoughts lingered on this man’s mind as the pain that’d come with such a truth would ruin him. He would never know. Not truly. 

“How much you have grown, Lü Meng. How much you must still grow. At least I have done well in that.” Whatever thoughts lingered in Zhou Yu’s head would simply have to remain there until he desired otherwise, it seemed, as whatever comfort Lü Meng could give him, however meager, was simply enough to soothe him. “Stay on your toes, Lü Meng. Keep your eyes sharp and your ears and mind open. I have a feeling that Wu will come to rely on men like you in the coming future. Stay vigilant, for me. For Wu. For yourself.”

Lü Meng understood the message but he had only scratched the surface of it and would not know for years to come. For now, however, Lü Meng was content to know that he had offered Zhou Yu some solace and that he had sparked some of his old pride back. Even if it would come at the expense of his condescending chides, he would welcome them with open arms compared to this shell that took Zhou Yu’s place. He took his words to heart and gave the man a bow, leaving just as Lord Quan entered. It was such a common occurrence now for Lü Meng to leave as his lord entered but he paid him his due respects nevertheless, doing well in avoiding bumping into the tray he carried and scattering the ornate chalice and its contents as he did. 

He felt compelled to turn and saw his farewells to Lord Zhou Yu, but he didn’t follow through with it. He wasn’t sure why, except that he didn’t wish to delay whatever business his lord had with their current Chief-Commander. The contracts for the wedding gifts would have to be accounted for and Lü Meng would honestly rather let Shangxiang take a few more swipes at him than to get caught up in that mess. No amount of wine would bring any enjoyment out of that, even if it came from Lord Quan’s finest.

It was a mistake even thinking about wine as now all he wanted was to indulge in a few drinks himself, and he knew just the person to track down to share it with. He was determined to get some enjoyment out of this blotched scheme and who better to know how to have a good time than Gan Ning?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The memory faded away gently like dew drops dripping off the leaf, though Lü Meng felt himself flinching when said ‘dew’ fell onto his nose. No amount of gentleness could ever spare him from such a start though at least Zuo Ci was kind enough to keep his voice at a tempered level. It helped in that it wasn’t so jarring, but it hardly blunted the blow of his words themselves. “Would this be the last time you’ve ever spoken with Lord Zhou Yu.”

“Yes. He died shortly after.” Lü Meng knew this was coming. He knew it was inevitable and he welcomed the topic if only to allow Zuo Ci to see why his feelings against Shu ran so deep. Would it be enough? Would he understand or would he find a way to twist it around? When Zuo Ci didn’t speak up, he continued, speaking in a forced calm voice that barely hid a sour undertone that accompanied it. “Not before Zhuge Liang humiliated twice more. Lord Zhou Yu had tried to keep Liu Bei here in Wu, as we originally planned, but with Lady Sun’s and Zhao Yun’s aid, he was able to escape easily. 

“Then Lord Zhou Yu tried to pass through Jing to attack Liu Zhang, but again, Zhuge Liang saw through him and ambushed him. He barely escaped with his life, only for Zhuge Liang to advise him to never leave Wu, should Cao Cao see that as an opportunity to attack us again.” Lü Meng was grateful to have to talk about such events and not have to relive them. He was certain that Zuo Ci could read the horror in his own eyes, recalling how violently Zhou Yu responded to both foils, especially that last one. “His dying words were spent cursing his name.”

He could almost hear Zhou Yu’s voice now, ringing in his ears, over and over again. He waited eagerly for Zuo Ci to speak up, to give him a reason to chase them away, but of course now he would go silent. “I’m not going to whiteknight Lord Zhou Yu’s obsession with Zhuge Liang. It was unhealthy and I don’t deny that it was a benefactor to his death, but you think that’s enough reason for me to ignore that Zhuge Liang was, and still is, a threat to Wu? Whatever fate Lord Zhou Yu brought upon himself for provoking these events doesn’t hide the fact that Zhuge Liang was using us for his own purposes.”

“I will deny none of that. From what I’ve witnessed of your memories, it’s clear that Zhuge Liang was up to something. But my question is… why did Lord Zhou Yu think it so nefarious? Why did he assume that Zhuge Liang’s purposes would put Wu in harm’s way?”

Lü Meng was surprised that he even acknowledged that much, though his surprise didn’t stump him for too long. “Because he was right. He was manipulating the situations for the outcome to be in his favor, at the expense of Wu’s men and resources.”

“Wu’s, or just Zhou Yu?” Zuo Ci’s question silenced Lü Meng and chose his words, and tone, with care. “Tell me, what harm came to Wu by manipulating the situation that allowed for your lord to choose war against Wei? He helped make your lord’s decision easier. What harm came to Wu by allowing this marriage to take place between Lord Liu Bei and Lady Sun? This showed that your kingdom wished to remain in good relations with one another, to offer your own beloved princess to such a benevolent leader? What harm came in allowing Shu to keep the Jing province? It shows that your lord has compassion to offer aid to a friend in need. Tell me, how does any of those things put Wu in harm’s way? From where I’m sitting, it puts your kingdom in a most generous light and I cannot fathom why anyone besides yourself would choose to see only the negative of it.”

Feeling came back to Lü Meng’s limbs but it wasn’t a good thing. He felt hot, burning hot. He was surprised that there wasn’t steam rising off of him from just how searing his rage was. His head began to ache from just how much he had been grinding his teeth and how easy would it have been to allow all of those years of training, of bettering himself, go to waste, just to silence the mystic. And yet, he refrained. He wasn’t sure how or why he refrained, but he did not push himself to his feet and storm over to him to strike. 

Zuo Ci saw this and took his silence as a sufficient enough response, as he carried on, altering the topic slightly. “I think, and correct me if I am wrong, but this sullied your opinion of your allies, did it not?”

“It was a good start, yes,” Lü Meng said, surprised by how calm he sounded when he felt ready to tear himself apart at the seams to let this wild energy out. How pathetic, he thought, to feel so alive when he was regressing back to old habits. “If it just ended there, perhaps you’d have a point. But it didn’t. I’m not that shallow or selfish- give me some credit.”

“No, I can agree again. At least on the selfish part, though you’d have every reason to be selfish.” The air around them became passive once again though the electricity still lingered, just waiting for the right spark to ignite again. Neither man were quick to push that for the moment. “I believe you would give your all for Wu. I believe that, whatever your reason, your intentions to do well for your kingdom is what drives you. I do not see that in Zhou Yu. 

“I saw a man obsessed with coming out on top and taking personal satisfaction in keeping those he feels are beneath him in their place, and when one man came along to foil his perfect world, he simply didn’t know what to do with himself. Perhaps his intentions were both selfish, and to Wu, all at once. It is hard for me to say, as I am not in his head at the moment, only yours.”

Lü Meng might have been willing to pass that off, but something nagged at him, something he had almost forgotten until Zuo Ci mentioned it. “And yet you have access to his thoughts or memories, as you did Deng Dang’s. Could you not look there and find your answer?”

The mystic grew stiff and the pang of pride that swelled in Lü Meng’s chest was unmistakable. For a brief moment, he thought he caught him, but it was destined to failure as Zuo Ci had an immediate answer. “You are shrewd, but correct. Unfortunately, due to the spell I cannot go back to peer into his mind once the event has passed. And because we did not see the events that led immediately into his death, we could not explore by that means. Please understand, there are limits to these spells.”

“Sure. Limits.” Lü Meng wasn’t convinced but he had nothing in which to counter with. He figured that Zuo Ci wouldn’t look because he didn’t wish to see the truth or if he was wrong or not, but what proof did he have? He held firm to his own beliefs, however, and nothing Zuo Ci could say or do would convince him otherwise. “Regardless of his… deterioration, his heart always beat for Wu and our lord. Yes, he schemed against Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang, but it was all for Wu’s future, and when that failed, he made sure to leave Master Lu Su in charge of the relations between our respected kingdoms.”

“Yes, Lu Su, the peacekeeper. The one who offered the Jing province in the first place. I wonder how well such a radical shift went for you- one who wanted to crush the last chance for the Han empire, and the other who wished to live in harmony with them.” Lü Meng sneered at the mystic but otherwise held his tongue. “How jarring was it for you? Especially since you no doubt blamed Zhuge Liang and held resentment towards him for his deeds against Zhou Yu.”

“Actually, I didn’t.” Lü Meng confessed, but not in a snide manner. It did feel good to see how taken back Zuo Ci was over it but he chose not to address it. “Not until Lord Zhou Yu’s funeral, anyways… then… that’s when it hit.”

He had suspected Zuo Ci would wish to see the memory and he was hardly surprised when he looked towards the man and found him gone, replaced with a beautifully decorated casket that the flowers failed to conceal and no amount of battle hardened experience could stop the pained gasp that left his throat when he gaze shot to the opened panel...

Endure, he told himself. Endure.


	31. Crocodile Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an unwanted guest attends Zhou Yu's funeral and many feathers are rustled...

The emotional whiplash that came to the men and women of Wu was near ludicrous. Weeks ago it seemed that they had celebrated the joy that was the union of their beloved princess Shangxiang and the virtuous Liu Bei, and now, all of that jubilation was turned on its head and twisted into the darker realms of sorrow and grief. Their beloved Chief Commander and one of their founding pillars, Zhou Yu, had passed on to the next life, leaving from this world and the people with it so sudden that several there were still besides themselves with grief. Lord Quan himself was too grief-stricken to attend the service and few could blame their lord, knowing how close they were and how much Sun Quan had relied on Zhou Yu as not only a commander but an older brother. No, none could blame the lord, even when no one wished to leave him alone to his grief. 

No one could even imagine poor Xiaoqiao’s grief, but she had her sister with her. Like Lord Quan, she chose to grieve in solitude and every man felt shame in them that they could not find the courage to comfort her. Not when they all felt the same crippling grief in their hearts. How useless were they, to comfort the wife of the man that none of them could save?

There was no doubt what, or who, had taken their beloved Chief-Commander from them. The wound he had suffered from their campaign at Nanjun had never truly healed and not once, not twice, but thrice it had reopened and the last time it proved fatal. Nothing the healers could do could keep him tethered to this world any longer.

Though not everyone was convinced it was the recurring wound that was to blame. The wound would have never reopened time and time again, had there not been another piece at play. There was no doubt that the wound was agitated by another and it festered, refusing Zhou Yu the chance to heal, to know peace.

But no one wanted to bring it up. Lü Meng knew the thoughts were there and could see the bitterness in others’ gazes, but no one wished to be the one to bring it up. No one wanted to address the elephant in the room, even when he dared to approach the casket.

No one had recalled inviting Zhuge Liang to the funeral and yet there he was, standing at the entrance of the courtyard that once held the wedding that this very man helped orchestrate, without another person from his own kingdom to stand at his side. To the officers of Wu that had served under Zhou Yu loyally, he may as well have been the hunter returning to the sight of the wolf pack after freshly killing one of their own without a bow or dagger to defend himself. 

There were harsh whispers that spread like fire over dry bushes, leaping from one to the other in rapid succession. Disbelief, disgust in his audacity to show himself, even proclamations of murder. There wasn’t a single person present that uttered the man’s name with any emotion outside of the negative realm and no doubt this man could hear it. He had to hear it, Lü Meng thought to himself, trying to keep himself checked but feeling that self control beginning to slip away. Zhuge Liang had to know that his presence would elicit nothing but rage and disgust among the men of Wu and yet that did not stop him from walking forward, back erect and a calm facade planted firmly on the mask he pretended was his face. 

He was brave. Lü Meng would give the man that much credit. He would also commend his fellow soldiers and generals for their own self control. From where he stood, he could not deny the murderous tint in their eyes and he suspected that if any had brought a weapon that they’d not think twice about unsheathing it and running it through the defenseless man.

Lü Meng wanted that pleasure for himself, but like the rest, he refrained. Some there may not have known was it was like to run a blade through an unarmed man, but he did, and he used that experience as a deterrent from doing something incredibly foolish right now. In their lord’s absence, Lu Su was left in charge of the proceedings and thus far he hadn’t given him the word. Until he did, he would remained planted on his spot, poised and ready to throw the man right back out the moment he opened his mouth. What right did Zhuge Liang have to be here, he thought, his head starting to hurt from the way he held himself and the pressure in his chest building, begging for some kind of release and soon. 

What was the man’s intentions, he wondered. He knew he wasn’t the only one who pondered this, though he had a feeling few cared what his intentions were in lieu of the thought of either telling the man to leave or outright killing him. And yet, when no one else dared openly address Zhuge Liang, it was left to Lu Su to do so, and Lü Meng imagined that it took every ounce of his teacher’s considerable patience to address the blatant offender in such a professional manner. “I assume you’ve come to pay your respects, Lord Zhuge Liang?”

“Of course. It would be wrong of me to not pay my respects to such a beloved and honored man.”

Calm. Passive. Devoid of real emotion though neither indicative of hiding ill intent or simply a coping mechanism for grief. Not that Lü Meng thought Zhuge Liang held a single ounce of it in his heart for the man he drove to such a fate, but the thought existed in his mind for a brief moment before his own grief chased it away. Perhaps some of Zhou Yu’s efforts living on in him. The thought almost threatened to break him but he held strong, even when he was certain his own facade was nothing near as perfected as the Sleeping Dragon’s before him.

“I sense there’s much tension in the room and how it escalated from the moment you all noticed my arrival,” said Zhuge Liang, speaking ever so gently yet his words couldn’t be missed by any present now. He did not look around the room and kept his gaze set beyond Lu Su and firmly on the casket though he could not see the man within it, not from this angle. “If you fear it will cause trouble, I will leave once I have paid my respects. May I?”

Any logical, clear thinking individual that knew the history behind the two would have immediately rejected the request and sent the man on his way before an officer decided to become a vigilante. Lü Meng wanted said officer to be him but he held back, knowing that their alliance wouldn’t allow for the murder of Zhuge Liang, even if everyone in Wu felt it to be justified Still, if Lu Su allowed it, he would be the first to pounce in and perhaps that was too obvious by his stance as Lu Su shot him a fierce glare. “Nonsense. We’re all equals in grieving the loss of a fine man this day. Come, pay your respects. I guarantee no one will give you trouble.”

Few were pleased with this but whatever stopped them from lashing out either physically or verbally kept them in line. Perhaps the grief was too much and it dulled their wills to act, but the authoritative tone in which Lu Su took left absolutely no room for debate. 

And so, Lu Su stood aside and Zhuge Liang wasted no time, thanking him with a respectful bow, before ascending the platform to finally look upon his craft. Silence hung in the air like a noose and the tension threatened to kick the floor from beneath them. From this angle, Lü Meng could not see the man’s face until he turned it slightly to look at the departed Chief-Commander’s face, and he and others watched as the mask slipped from his face. Grief twisted his features and all watched as Zhuge Liang suddenly collapsed to his knees and his hands barely clung to the coffin though careful not to tear down the decorations or take the casket down with him. None there had expected him to start openly crying and yet there was no mistaking the sounds that came from him.

“Oh… Lord Zhou Yu… this was not meant for you,” Zhuge Liang cried, the sorrow in his voice unmistakable, even when many weren’t sure they believed their own ears. His chest racked with sobs and the tears that flowed from his eyes only enticed others to pick up on their own grief, as the sorrow that struck them overpowered whatever hatred or disgust they felt for this man. Lü Meng was besides himself though it wasn’t out of pity or grief, but rage. “I never wished this fate upon you. You were too wise and dear to deserve to die so young! Oh Lord Zhou Yu, please… all I wish is that you can forgive me if I ever wronged you and that you can find peace in the next life…”

The rest was nearly incomprehensible as his grief was too much, and by now, others had joined him in crying. It would not take long for the courtyard to join in almost perfect chorus with him, though not everyone cried. Few among them were stunned into silence by the proceedings, confused with the sudden emotional backlash and choosing to revel in their silence as to not appear the fool. Others, even fewer, had their suspicions but none were brave or foolish enough to say anything.

Lü Meng wanted to think that his time spent as Zhou Yu’s student would have an ongoing effect, even after his death. He always wanted to make him proud though he seldom showed this, but for Zhou Yu’s honor, he was willing to forego all of it. Others might not have been brave or foolish enough to call the grieving man out on his act, he was, and once again, Lu Su caught him before he could even open his mouth. He felt Lu Su grab his shoulder, never once realizing he had been moving closer to Zhuge Liang until Lu Su pushed him back off of the first step of the podium and nearly made him fall backwards. He was too blind with rage to realized how terrifying his gaze was until he saw the genuine fear in his teacher’s eyes though it lasted only a second before he regained his composure. “Take your leave.”

“Master Lu Su…?”

“Take your leave, before others notice.” Lu Su whispered harshly to him and he couldn’t deny the authority in his voice, and how incensed was Lü Meng that he did not recognize the object in his hand was a sword until Lu Su gripped his hand and kept it sheathed with white knuckles. The guard that Lü Meng snatched the sword from looked terrified but dared not say a word, and with another push, the sheathed weapon was seized from him and handed back to the guard, and Lu Su’s words chased him from the courtyard as he stormed out. “Master Zhuge Liang, please, there’s no need for such harmful words right now. We’re all overcome with grief this night. It’ll do none of us any good to lose our heads here, not when honoring a man who valued such a virtue, would it not?”

Lü Meng’s head was swimming with thoughts and none of them pleasant. He had no recollection of grabbing that weapon but he knew damn well what he would have done with it had Lu Su not stepped in. He found himself wanting to curse the man’s name along with Zhuge Liang’s and yet he knew why he stopped him. He told himself that Lu Su was in the right, but that would mean that Zhuge Liang would be allowed to live after the stunt he just pulled.

Yes, stunt, because Lü Meng refused to acknowledge that anything that came out of that man’s mouth was true and honest. The tears, the cries, the woes he let out as he lamented Zhou Yu’s fate… no, he refused to believe any of that was real. It was a scheme. All a scheme, though to what ends was this scheme for he didn’t know and nor would he this night. No, tonight, his emotions had gotten the better of him and yet he had no regrets. Or he thought he wouldn’t.

“Lü Meng, do you have any idea what you almost did?” He was surprised that Lu Su followed him out, so soon after him, and whatever fear he had over their guest’s safety appeared limited only to leaving him alone with him, as he had no qualms in leaving him in the hands of the rest of the assembly. Or perhaps Zhuge Liang made his leave already? Lü Meng hadn’t noticed nor did he care, though by the way Lu Su took special care to keep his voice low warned Lü Meng to do the same as whatever he would say to the general wasn’t meant for others to hear. 

Lü Meng knew what he wanted to do, but he knew that if he said anything that it’d only escalate the situation even further. He seldom seen Lu Su this angry and his face was as bright red at their banners, standing out against the white mourning robes though Lü Meng dared not utter a sound that might have been misconstrued as humor or anything within that realm of thought. No, this was not a flattering side of Lu Su and had his own rage well not run so deep he might have been terrified of such an emotion present in Lu Su’s form. He chose to say nothing and this earned him even more of Lu Su’s ire. “You could have caused a war with that stunt you just pulled there. You’re lucky he was too caught up in his own act to notice you! What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.” Lü Meng knew that such an answer wouldn’t satisfy Lu Su and had Zhou Yu been alive he would have been ashamed to hear Lü Meng so readily admit that. To think, all of their hard work and it all boiled down to just how easy it was for Lü Meng to turn off his mind and react. There was no satisfaction in his voice when he made the proclamation and his own shame was evident as he repeated himself. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Bullshit!”

He earned that, he reminded himself, curling his fist and trying to accept his punishment with some amount of dignity. Though what good would it do him now? He tried to chase away such thoughts, tried to be the officer that Zhou Yu and Lu Su worked so hard to build, but it was all coming undone. He waited for Lu Su to continue on, to be reminded of how much a thick headed fool he was and how he shamed his teacher, but it didn’t come. Not all at once, at least. “Look, I’m sorry. Part of that is my own grief lashing out at you, but the other part… we cannot allow this to sully our relations with Lord Liu Bei, Lü Meng. No matter how justified you feel it would be, you must control your temper, especially around Zhuge Liang.”

The general didn’t understand, but he didn’t push to understand. He didn’t want to understand because he knew that if he did, he’d calm down. Logic would win out and quell the choking anger and confusion within him and he didn’t want to let go of that feeling. He didn’t want to think Zhuge Liang capable of such sorrow when he was the one that caused it.

“You’re ignoring me.” Lu Su forced him to look at him and Lü Meng was surprised he didn’t outright slap him. Instead, he pulled his gaze back to him with a tight grip on his shoulder and forced him to see the depth of his own well, as if that’d help. “You’re shutting your mind down and I’ll be damned if I’ll let Lord Zhou Yu’s hard work go to waste here. Why did you pull your weapon on him? I refuse to think you’re so quick to forget everything he’s taught you, surely you had a reason and you’ll tell me.”

Lu Su was becoming more insistent and Lü Meng didn’t like it. He wanted to pull away, especially when he noticed that they were no longer alone. Others had escaped from the service and curious eyes were on them, and that threatened to crush what little courage he had left. Lu Su, however, ignored them, even when one general was so bold as to approach them when the rest lingered back. “Well? I’m waiting.”

“Master Lu Su, we all know why,” said Taishi Ci, not content to just step in their line of sight but physically placing himself between them. Lü Meng didn’t look at Taishi Ci as though he were a savior or a friend. He simply didn’t look at him. “Surely you saw what he saw. What we all saw.”

“I want to hear it from him,” Lu Su said, culling his anger somewhat in lieu of the famed warrior’s presence though there was still an edge to it that warned Lü Meng that any further attempts to dodge the question would be met with severe punishment, one that Lu Su could now act upon given his new rank. “I want to know that Lord Zhou Yu’s efforts weren’t in vain. I want to know that that he left Wu in the best of hands, so that we don’t be thrown into a needless war when he gave his dying breath to prevent it.”

Perhaps he had gone too far as Lü Meng was not deaf to the gasps from the onlooking officers. He could hear someone muttering ‘how dare you’ but before anyone else could speak up, Lü Meng caved. “Zhuge Liang was mocking us. Everything he did, everything he said… was an act. Nothing more.”

And the chorus that ignited around him had confirmed Taishi Ci’s statement, as there wasn’t a single one there that spoke out against the accusation. In a way, it was justifying for Lü Meng to know that his fellow officers weren’t fooled by the act, but it didn’t make the rage he felt from Zhuge Liang’s blatant disrespect to their kingdom’s grief any easier to cope with. Lu Su was pleased to hear such a statement come from Lü Meng and yet, he was quick to scold the men and silence the uproar. “Yes, it was an act and by his reaction, he likely thinks we’re all fooled by it. And I’d like to keep it that way, so every one of you, be careful to mind yourselves when you return.”

“Why bother?” It hardly surprised anyone that Gan Ning was the one that openly questioned the request and while no one was quick to back him up, it was clear that plenty of others agreed with him, as there were nods all around. “If we know he’s playin’ us for fools, why don’t we just kill him right now?”

“And go to war and waste our resources when we’ll be needing every man we have against Wei?” Lu Su countered, knowing that someone would be brave enough to question him and already having a response lined up. This wasn’t directed just at Gan Ning but to everyone and few dared question why Lu Su was given sole control of the army in Zhou Yu’s wake. “I am not denying that Zhuge Liang had a hand in our late Chief-Commander’s fate, and I know, just as well as everyone else here that he is only making a show here to mask any harsh feelings between us, but know this. We are both in vulnerable positions right now and even Zhuge Liang knows that they need Wu to survive against Cao Cao. Just as we need Lord Liu Bei and his men-”

“Do we?” Lü Meng knew he should have kept his mouth shut but if anything, Taishi Ci and Gan Ning had given him courage, something that he always knew he had an abundance of in place of wisdom, and though he knew it would break Zhou Yu’s, and Lu Su’s heart, he couldn’t stop himself from speaking against his teacher. “Do we really need this alliance? I know that they need us, but how true is it for the other way around?”

“Lü Meng, you know we do.” Never had Lu Su’s voice taken such a frigid turn and even Lü Meng was startled by it. He knew him to be capable of a wide variety of emotions and like Zhou Yu he had a way of allowing the public to see only the smallest of spectrums. Now he and others were seeing different a different side, one that would no doubt cause friction and place a barrier between themselves and their new Chief-Commander. “You, as well as every man here, have access to the late Zhou Yu’s plan for dividing the land in two, and you know, you all know, they we cannot think to face Cao Cao on our own. We need them, regardless if you want to see it or not.”

No one liked that response or the reality that came with it, but few could argue. Gan Ning let out a spat but was willing to let it be, and with the former pirate backing down, it was clear that there wouldn’t be any other open objections. Lu Su took advantage of the silence and ushered them back to the services, before Lady Xiaoqiao or their lord returned and got the wrong idea of why so many of their men were absent. Bit by bit the crowd began to disperse and Lü Meng caught a few approving looks from his fellow officers but he had no time to acknowledge them before Lu Su demanded his attention once more. “Are you returning to the service, Lü Meng?”

“They have no place in Lord Zhou Yu’s plan,” Lü Meng said, hoping that everyone had left before the words stumbled out of his mouth. He didn’t think to look over his shoulder to see but given that he could hear no one else there besides himself and Lu Su’s fidgeting, he took that as an opening to speak his mind once more. He wanted to wait until everyone left so that he would not appear so defiant to his teacher and undermine his authority, though did it truly matter if it happened in public or private when he would be punished for it regardless? “You know that as well as I and yet you insist on including them. Why?”

He knew he was being defiant and he knew that there’d be consequences to this, but he accepted it. Public lashing, imprisonment, docked pay, all of those he’d accept for openly questioning the Chief-Commander, but he knew that Lu Su would answer him. He might not like that answer, but he knew it’d be the truth and he was bracing for it when Lu Su made his confession. “Because, as foolish or naive as it may sound, I believe in Lord Liu Bei’s dream and I want to see it succeed.”

This surprised him and yet he found himself almost numb to it. It held nothing but truth and he didn’t so much as think his teacher to be naive for wanting to believe in such a dream. However, he couldn’t help but ponder if such a belief was treasonous, and he braved the next question, wondering if this would be the one to go too far. “Even if it opposes our lord’s own?”

It was a tricky question, as well as underhanded and loaded. He did not ask the question to entrap his teacher or try to call him out on treason- no, far from it. As much as he questioned Lu Su’s decision to lend the Jing province to Liu Bei, he knew it was only to show generosity and keep Wu in a favorable position in the future. He knew where Lu Su’s loyalties lied, despite the whispers that he was a sympathizer or a traitor among them and he was always quick to silence those rumors should they ever reach his ears. He trusted Lu Su, even when doing so left him confused as it did now, so he knew that his answer would be forthright above all else. He just wasn’t sure if he’d like it. “Call it a hunch, but I don’t think it’ll ever come to that, Lü Meng. Our lord desires peace for his people, and I’m certain that peace will lie in keeping in good relations with Liu Bei. I hope you’ll understand that one day, though I’d feel better if it was sooner than later.”

Lu Su was right in one aspect. He didn’t understand, and he had a feeling he never would. And yet, he had no more fuel in which to engage Lu Su with. Oh, he had energy built up within him but none for words and in that way, he knew he had failed Lord Zhou Yu. Nothing else was said between the two and the next time he glanced over his shoulder, Lu Su had left to return to the services. Lü Meng knew he should have gone with him but he couldn’t bring himself to go back. He couldn’t stand the thought of Zhou Yu turning over in his grave to know just how easily Lü Meng gave up all of his teachings in such a short time.

“And where will you go?” It wasn’t Lu Su that addressed him now but Taishi Ci instead, and Lü Meng grounded himself to the spot to stop himself from jumping at the sudden return of the warrior. Perhaps not return- maybe he hadn’t even left and he simply didn’t notice his presence as he was too selfish to pry himself away from his own thoughts. “You’re too tense and that’s not healthy for you or your family right now.”

Was he tense? He didn’t feel tense. He probably looked tense, though, if it garnered some concern from Taishi Ci, and he did not mean to snap or push him away though it was inevitable that he’d do so. “I haven’t thought about it.”

“Then don’t think. React.”

It was the only warning he’d get before he heard Taishi Ci’s approach and instincts spared him from the blow as he rose his fists to block the incoming strike. There wasn’t much strength behind it and he knew Taishi Ci was holding back. This angered him more than him striking out at him, and he growled. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Then get in it quick, because I’m not letting you go back to Lady Ren and your three sons as you are.” 

And if that wasn’t enough, Taishi Ci went for another blow and this time Lü Meng dodged it, stepping back and letting him hit nothing but air. He could have blocked or deflected the strike easily and countered with one of his own, but he made a point not to. He understood what Taishi Ci was going for, but he wouldn’t play that game. Not tonight. 

Surely Taishi Ci had seen his resilience and it only spurred him to try harder, and eventually when one too many blows came close to his face, Lü Meng began to fight back. Neither man held a weapon beyond their own bodies and it did not take long for the spar to escalate to the point that both men were panting and damp with sweat. Their mourning robes were drenched and likely forever sullied with stains of their perspiration and their lungs burned from the activity, but neither man backed down. When one held the advantage for too long, the other would push to change that and it went on until one started showing signs of slowing down.

Surprisingly, it was Taishi Ci that started to slow down first and this struck Lü Meng as exceptionally insulting. He had started the fight and egged him on with blows that he damn well knew were too close and then had the nerve to try and call it off? It only made Lü Meng’s fight escalate and Taishi Ci played along for a moment more before he eventually decided that enough was enough. 

Lü Meng wasn't a braggart when it came to his own abilities. He knew he was not the greatest hand-to-hand fighter in Wu or even the best fighter with any weapon, including his favored pike. But he knew where he stood and he knew his limits. As did Taishi Ci, as all it took was a flurry of fists and a blunted elbow to his gut to throw the smaller officer to the ground. Normally Taishi Ci would not have been so rough in ending the fight, especially when it came to risking damage to another man’s robes, but it was his way of accenting his desire to end he spar.

And on a normal day Lü Meng might have taken the hint and left with some pride intact. Today, Zhou Yu’s memorial services were ruined by Zhuge Liang’s presence and he watched as his own kingdom had to play willing participants in what he knew to be a sham, so the hint was lost on him. Lü Meng rolled back to his feet and went at the famed warrior again and the fight picked up again, only for Taishi Ci to grab one of his opponent’s fists and he caught Lü Meng’s leg with his foot and gave it a sweep. Twice Lü Meng ate dirt and it was clear he was going for a third chance as he pulled himself back to his feet and lunged himself at Taishi Ci. 

This time, Taishi Ci wasn’t content to throw him to the ground and walk away. And chance Lü Meng had of accepting defeat was grace was taken from him and he had only himself to blame. The damndest thing was that he knew this and yet he still wanted to fight, he still needed a release of all of this frantic energy in him. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed to get it out of him before he lashed out at Ren or his sons, or anyone else. This time, when Taishi Ci threw him down, the warrior went down with him, pinning him down with all of his weight and destroying any chance of him fighting his way out of the position by capturing his lips with his own.

Kisses were not something that Lü Meng was a stranger to. Kisses were seldom in his family so when they were given, they were treasured. His mother’s kisses were protective and rare. Yenji’s, more common and like mother’s, protective of her younger brother despite her harsh words. Chinmai’s were the sweetest and he once tried to will himself to try and forget those because he was certain no other could ever match it. He was wrong, of course, as Ren’s kisses were always cherished and sweet. 

This was something far different than what he was used to and he certainly had expected it. Who would have expected it? This kiss was passionate, confusing, desirable yet at the same time repulsive. A million thoughts shot through his mind but none of them made a lick of sense and when Taishi Ci pulled away, he reached out and dug his fingers into the man’s short black hair and kept him from going any further away. What the hell was he thinking, just kissing him like that and then retreating without an explanation. He felt insulted, along with confused and aroused and mortified, each emotion turning and fueling another one in its place. His question must have been clear to read in his eyes as he hadn’t managed to say a word to Taishi Ci before the man offered an explanation. “You needed a release and I gave you one.”

And it had worked, to an extent. Whether it was the confusion or even the sexual arousal, he felt tension leaving his body, oozing out of every pore yet doing nothing to ease the sudden warmth he felt wash over him and the tightening of his breeches alarmed him though thankfully it was hidden well beneath his robes (or so he hoped). His grip slacked and this allowed for Taishi Ci to gently pry his fingers away and just as quickly as he had pinned him down his with a kiss he was pulling away, muttering as he picked himself up off of the befuddled general. “I am sorry, but I had assumed you… nevermind.”

It was all too confusing for Lü Meng to follow and to see Taishi Ci retreating so quickly threatened to flare his anger up again, but he had no chance to try and talk him down as Taishi Ci addressed him, hoping to quell whatever fires he ignited in the man with his wisdom though he knew there was no guarantee that any of it would stick with Lü Meng. “It’s none of my business how you chose to grieve, Lord Lü Meng. You and I have had different upbringings. Our lives are different though we serve the same lord and cause. I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel with Lord Zhou Yu’s loss, but you must rein in your emotions, either good or ill, or else others will manipulate you. Take this time to find yourself, through your own means, and when you’re ready, make sure that your first step out of his shadow is one that he’d be proud of.”

Lü Meng was floored, figuratively and literally, by the man’s wisdom, and after four unsuccessful attempts to end their spar, the fifth time offered Taishi Ci the results he wanted. Lü Meng managed to sit up at least and he watched the warrior depart, wishing he could find the words and the strength to speak them to call him back and demand a better explanation, but they all but escaped him now. He knew that, in time, he would understand all that Taishi Ci meant, but tonight, it was a lost cause. Now that this… event… had passed, he did feel far less tense than before, though it had not completely relieved him of all of his ails. 

Until Taishi Ci had brought it up, he hadn’t even considered what he would do with himself, now that Zhou Yu had passed. Though the torch was passed to Lu Su, and rightfully so, he knew that he himself was fairly high on the ladder and he knew that there would be a time when he was expected to take the mantel. Would he be ready? Given how he had just acted, the answer wasn’t too hard to find. 

No, he wasn’t ready. Not even close! It wasn’t a lack of confidence in himself or self-loathing that made him quick to find the answer, but just the general truth of the matter that he wasn’t ready. Taishi Ci was right, he said to himself, gathering himself and taking only a moment to dust himself off before making his way to his home. If he was ever going to do Lord Zhou Yu and Wu proud, he’d have to find his path, wherever it may be. He had to study. For Lord Zhou Yu. For Wu.

For them, he would find himself.


	32. Of Heirs and Broken Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng's patience begins to run thin...

Time had a way of healing wounds. Each man and woman of Wu had to overcome the death of their beloved Chief-Commander and Lü Meng was no exception to this. Grief was something that he was familiar with but never truly had a go-to strategy when it came to dealing with it, thus making his efforts to impose whatever wisdom he had of it onto others a fruitless endeavor. For him, it seemed as though there was always something that got in the way of his chance to grieve. 

With Chinmai, it was training and the bully that he would eventually kill that distracted him from it. With Fa Shi and Deng Dang, it was his new duties that kept them out of his mind. Sun Ce’s was the easiest to grieve, as the dilemma with his men being swept into another unit practically forbade him the opportunity to grieve the loss of the man responsible for him being here in the first place. Ling Cao’s death was masked by the grief his son felt and then dealing with the uncomfortable situation of convincing Lord Quan to take his murderer among their ranks. For Zhou Yu, it was Zhuge Liang’s almost prophetic words that offered him the opportunity to avoid heavy grieving, as the moment news of Zhou Yu’s death reached Wei, there was movement from the north. 

It wasn’t so much as Zhuge Liang’s seemingly innate ability to predict the future but more like Wei jumping on the boat of opportunity as it came rolling past and taking advantage of a good wind. In a way, Lü Meng was grateful for the increased activity from the north as it’d give him something to prepare for. He did not welcome trouble, but he wouldn’t pretend that trouble wasn’t going to present itself either. That was just foolish and naive, something he swore he’d put an end to in himself, once and for all. 

Day and night, Lü Meng would increase his readings and he’d spend hours reviewing maps and strategies, reading by candlelight when even the sun grew tired of its work and retreated behind the horizon. When he was not tending to his duties, both as general and father, he would lock himself away and read, devising maps and stratagems, doing any and everything in preparing himself for the storm that would be rolling in. 

Few had questioned why he worked so feverishly as they simply assumed this to be his method of coping with loss, or if not that then just how dedicated to his duty he was. Wu would need such diligence, he often heard them say, and he was in complete agreement. 

Shortly after Zhou Yu’s death reached north, news of trouble made its way south. Cao Cao had placed the officer Xie Qi in charge of Qichun, appointing him the title of Minister of Agriculture, and in no time at all, he was making a name for himself by raiding Wu’s border. The officer and his men were more of a nuisance than they were a threat and anyone could tell what they sent to do. Raid supplies, strike fear into the hearts of those that lived along the border, provoke a force to give chase after them and find themselves trapped behind enemy lines where they’d be picked off easily. At times, they would ride by, flinging insults and pounding drums, and any time Lü Meng, the unfortunate general stationed at said border, would send someone to catch them, they’d double their speed and make their escape.

What a troubling group, Lü Meng thought with a grumble. He hadn’t gotten much sleep these days as it was and it was becoming abundantly clear that he nor those under his charge could put up with Xie Qi’s shenanigans for too much longer. He already had one of his men return wounded and another that almost hadn’t returned at all, and before he could risk another life, he made the decision to go himself, though on his own terms. 

Lu Xun had spent months under Lü Meng’s tutelage and still he wasn’t sure what to make of the man. He had heard many rumors that the general had started his career as a witless but undoubtedly strong and loyal bodyguard and worked his way up the ranks, and thus far, he wasn’t sure if he believed such claims. He had seemed intelligent enough when he first met him though his thought process was vastly different from his own or that of Zhou Yu’s or Lu Su’s. When one looked at himself or the other strategists, their thought process was seamless, almost autonomously generated through years of intense studying, memorization and critical thinking on the fly.

When one looked at Lü Meng’s thought process, it was something completely different. It wasn’t so much through years of rigorous study or memorizing every little word, but rather through experiences, through doing. His learning was much later in life, Lu Xun was told, so it was more hands on, more processed than autonomous. He memorized and knew the Art of War, yes, but he seemed more akin to applying it to a situation he once experienced, rather than fixing the situation around it to fit the saying. 

It wasn’t an incorrect thought process, but different, and Lu Xun was fascinated by it. It was apparent that Lü Meng had a much different upbringing than him- as a child in a once prestigious family, he had access to essentially everything he needed and he chose his career early in life. Lü Meng, as he found out through snooping about and general word of mouth, grew up a penniless peasant that snuck into the ranks at a young age, and everything he earned, his rank, his wealth, his education, he had to work for and he fought every day to keep them.

This wasn’t something that Lu Xun himself was familiar with and he fought back his shame, instead choosing to admire Lü Meng’s tenacity as opposed to shaming his own fortunate upbringing. 

Lu Xun was present for Lü Meng’s strategy at Nanjun and he was present now, as he devised a strategy to put an end to Xie Qi’s raiding, standing close to the general and observing him more than the map he stood over. Unlike Zhou Yu and Lu Su, Lü Meng did little to hide the thoughts circulating in his head, even as he leaned close to the map to take in every detail. One hand was crossed over his chest and the other scratching his chin, a look of intense concentration on his face though one could mistake it for a scowl if they couldn’t see what he was staring at so intently. None dared rush him or pry into his thoughts aloud, Lu Xun noted… except two.

One of which was another younger officer like himself, Zhu Ran, who had been stationed in Lü Meng’s unit not too long ago. Lu Xun had heard of Zhu Ran and did enough research on the young man on his own to get a good idea of who he was, though he was curious of why Lü Meng appeared more relaxed around him than he was others. One of Lü Meng’s officers, one who had been stationed under Deng Dang and then him, was more than willing to offer Lu Xun an explanation that Zhu Ran and Lü Meng had been close when Zhu Ran, Shi Ran then, was younger. It certainly explained a lot in Lu Xun’s mind as he could see a few similarities between the two, though he wondered who had taught the other to be so open and blunt about their opinions. Had Zhu Ran learned it from Lü Meng, or did Zhu Ran encourage it onto the highly impressionable general?

It hardly mattered really though Lu Xun was still so curious about his mentor and whatever relationship, existing or blooming as it were, between Zhu Ran and Lü Meng was something he’d have to deal with in due time. For now, it seemed that Zhu Ran was stationed with Lü Meng for the same purpose as he was, and while it opened the door to competitiveness in the future, he wouldn’t allow that to distract him from his own goal.

A goal that seemed dead in the water but he hadn’t given up hope on it yet. Lu Xun kept this hope close to his heart, to counter the sense of jealousy rising with Zhu Ran’s continued presence with his mentor. 

The other person that braved the storm that Lü Meng fed was the general’s wife, as her small stature made it all too easy for her to maneuver in and out of the crowd, passing along food and refilling goblets without either distracting the men or her husband. Unlike Zhu Ran, she was quiet and inconspicuous, and Lu Xun had learned fairly quickly that she was not to be disrespected in any way shape or form, unless one wanted to earn the ires of not only her husband but every man that had come to serve under him faithfully. He admired Lady Ren tremendously though he dared not utter the words aloud, in fear of insulting either her, Lü Meng’s men, or Lü Meng himself. 

And yet, she seemed suspicious of him though why he wasn’t sure. She was warm and friendly to every man in Lü Meng’s unit but when she would approach him, she lost a fraction of her warmth and her eyes would try to act as a ward, but she wouldn’t say anything harsh or cold to him. She would simply glare at him, smile, distribute whatever food item she prepared, and be on her way. 

He was fortunate to have a wife that was so attentive, Lu Xun thought, keeping his gaze and thoughts focused on the meeting as Zhu Ran offered another suggestion that was shot down. This time he avoided her less than welcoming reception through his own cowardice but it had made the rest of the proceedings easier to cope with. Whatever the cause of such a glare, it did not make him like her any less and he could clearly see why the men were so enamored with her and why Lü Meng was so protective of her. There was hardly any doubt in his mind that part of the reason why Lü Meng was taking such personal approach to putting an end to Xie Qi’s raiding was due to some unsavory words flung in his wife’s direction.

Lü Meng refused to acknowledge that as being the sole reason, likely due to their last conversation in regards to Lady Xiaoqiao, but Lu Xun chose not to push it. He agreed that Xie Qi needed to be dealt with and he was curious what Lü Meng’s solution was, though Lü Meng himself didn’t seem completely there.

He wasn’t sure if the other officers noticed or if it was Lu Xun that had caught wind of it, but he suspected Lü Meng’s mind wasn’t completely set on the immediate task ahead of him. It wasn’t that he wasn’t taking this task seriously; he had learned early on working under this man that he took most if not all of his tasks seriously. Merely that his mind was someplace else. 

And his suspicions were correct. Later that night, after that had made their preparations to capture Xie Qi and his band of troublemakers, Lü Meng had suddenly approached him and requested him read over a letter that he’d be sending their lord. Honored to be invited into his home, especially at this hour, Lu Xun was more than happy to oblige, until he arrived and found that he wasn’t the only one he had asked to do this.

He already suspected that Lady Ren would be there, so he wasn’t surprised to find her sitting near the open window and tending to his armor and keeping the pug her husband had rescued at Chibi and welcomed into his family content. But he was a little surprised and a little more disappointed to see Zhu Ran present, sitting at the table at Lü Meng’s left. He tried to hide his grievance before any of the three could see it and he was moving to the seat at his mentor’s right when he noticed there was a fourth person present. The servant that laid on the makeshift cot clearly had a bad day, as though he was dressed in new linens, Lu Xun could see the bruises and cuts that decorated the poor man’s arms and shoulders. Though he was asleep, it felt rude of him to stare at him like this, so he turned his head away, just as Lü Meng shoved papers in his direction. “Lu Xun, I’d hate to demean you to such a thing since I know you’re capable of better problem solvings, but can you read over this and make sure it’s acceptable to send to our lord?”

Lu Xun had so many questions but he held onto them until they were appropriate. One thing that he had heard about his mentor was that though he did have a loose tongue and a blunt manner of speaking, he did seem to genuinely care about how his words sometimes affected certain people. Among those fortunate enough to earn this boon was their lord, Lu Xun found out fairly early, but it wasn’t out of fear of his own life or risking insubordination He seemed to be aware of just how sensitive their own lord could be, especially when it came to rejecting his good intentions as it was the case with the letter.

He got only a few words in and understood Lü Meng’s dilemma all too well. Stationed nearby were the generals Cheng Dang, Song Ding, and Xu Gu, all of whom died recently in a bizarre but equally tragic event. It was a pity that their deaths were overlooked by the events at Jing province and Zhou Yu’s own passing, Lu Xun thought to himself before digging into the letter. Because their heirs were all sons or younger brothers of extremely young ages, the oldest barely hitting the fifteenth year, their troops were to be reassigned to Lü Meng, though Lü Meng was fighting against it. 

Lü Meng’s own habits seemed to be seeping into him as Zhu Ran was quick to look at his face and could read the disbelief that was to blatantly clear on his face. “He’s worried about offending our lord.”

“It’s a legit concern, don’t you think?” Lu Xun countered, reading over the letter and taking note of Lü Meng’s reasons foremost and then the tone. His reasons were sound enough- as all three generals had died giving their all for Wu, it wouldn’t be right to take their soldiers from their heirs, even if they were too young to command them. His reasons made sense, and the tone appeared respectful, but it was clear that Lü Meng was looking for some kind of validation and whatever he got from Zhu Ran wasn’t enough. 

“I understand and appreciate Lord Quan’s intentions, but it’s not right to issue their soldiers to me when I haven’t earned them,” Lü Meng said, cupping his chin in his hands and staring at the sleeping servant as he explained himself to both Lu Xun and Zhu Ran. “As someone who’s benefitted from inheriting a family member’s legacy, I would hope he’d understand my reasoning. I wanted your opinion on the matter, Zhu Ran, because you grew up with our lord and you know him better than almost everyone I know.”

“He, Ling Tong and I were classmates,” Zhu Ran said, wearing a rather smug grin and directing it at Lu Xun. Clearly the other officer thought of him as a rival of sorts and Lu Xun tried to hide behind the parchment, pretending he was too invested in it to encourage any hostility between them. “I’m not sure why he hasn’t gotten back to you about this matter yet, but I don’t think he’ll be offended, not with how you wrote the letter.”

“It’s not just that, though, it’s the principle of the matter itself.” Despite wanting to hide, Lu Xun felt compelled to speak up, not catching the small smile that Lü Meng kept concealed with his own hands. “Lord Quan could easily be stationing these soldiers to Lü Meng out of convenience as he is nearby, or he could be doing this as a reward for his hard work. If it is the latter, then no matter how polite and professional the tone of the letter, it could still be seen as rejecting a gift and thus it would be rude.”

Speaking up might have been a mistake as it earned him a rather salty glower from Zhu Ran, but he was saved from any verbal backlash by Lady Ren. “What about that idea you had, Meng? Offering to provide them teachers to prepare them for their duties and to act in their stead. You seemed confident in that earlier.”

“I included it. I figured it’d be a good way to keep the soldiers active and prepare the proper heirs,” Lü Meng said, twisting his head and smiling at his wife to express his gratitude before turning his attention back to the young officers. “I’ve sent letter after letter trying to persuade our lord to let the sons and brothers keep their inheritance from the state and I feel I’m running out of patience. If there’s anything else either of you can suggest outside of simply accepting the soldiers, I’m all ears.”

The two officers looked at one another and though there may have some friction between them, it did not take long for both of them to come to a conclusion. Both of them understood and respected their general’s stance on the matter and both were brought in for different aspects that the other may have lacked. Zhu Ran might have personally known Lord Quan more, but Lu Xun’s upbringing and naturally polite demeanor could fill in the holes that the two father abrasive officers may have unknowingly left in Lü Meng’s diction and tone. It hadn’t taken long for Lu Xun to suggest a different word or two and that seemed to quell Lü Meng’s anxieties considerably. Lu Xun left the tent feeling that his decision to follow Lü Meng was validated, even if it’d earn him a rivalry with the other officer. He’d simply have to keep on his toes if he wanted to work himself into Lü Meng’s favor…

No sooner had the two officers left was Lü Meng working in Lu Xun’s suggestions, and he was halfway done before Ren decided to break the silence that lingered between the two. “So, what should we do about him?”

Lü Meng didn’t need to look up from his work to know who she was talking about. The servant remained deep in sleep, curling deeper into the covers and his pathetic state was almost enough to entice Baozi’s insatiable desire to curl into the sleeping man’s lap and offer his warmth. However, the scent of the man this servant was employed to kept the dog away and Lü Meng considered this as he thought it over. “We’ll keep him with us for the next few days. I’ll talk with him and if he wants his servant back, I’ll make him promise to take better care of him.”

Of the millions of things he already had on his plate, he wasn’t expecting to have a beaten down, half starved and completely terrified servant thrown into his lap but he couldn’t turn the man away, no more than he could have allowed the pug they adopted drown in the river that night. He didn’t understand the look Ren gave him and nor would she explain it, as she gave him a nod before going back to tending to his armor. He was rather proud of himself for not dropping his name though one didn’t need to hear the name of who they spoke of. He wanted to think that the servant didn’t belong to him and that he would rather lie about being a part of Wu than to admit that he escaped from Wei and he wanted to think that was why Baozi didn’t care for the scent the servant gave off, but Lü Meng knew no good could come with his denial. 

Gan Ning had beat this man to the point he fled and came to him and while the former pirate hadn’t come stalking around looking for him, he knew it’d be forthcoming. And when he did, he’d be prepared for him. For now, he’d keep this man in his home where he knew he’d be safe, and hope that he’d have this whole ordeal with Xie Qi settled before Gan Ning came sniffing around for his mistreated servant. 

Lü Meng had enough on his plate and like hell he’d want to deal with Gan Ning’s shenanigans tonight.

~*~*~

To give Xie Qi credit, he did not plan his raids at a consistent time and there was always a chance that he’d catch them en route, but luck appeared on their side on the seventh day of Lü Meng’s attempts to defeat this man. It seemed that even the heavens grew tired of the man’s raids as to offer Lü Meng some help on this day, as the morning brought a light rain. It wasn’t enough to fill the gorge they planned on using with water and thus deter any sensible man from going near what was an obvious trap, but it was enough to dampen the mud and create a quagmire. The scout that ran through the area needed to be pulled out by rope and it’d be enough to slow down even the fastest of horses. All they had to do was cover the ground with the right ferns and leaves and chase them in. Admittedly, Lü Meng was a little too eager to get this issue over with and it reflected in the execution of his plan a little too much.

When Xie Qi and his unit arrived, they were not anticipating Lü Meng to retaliate with the entirety of his forces and were quick to try and fall back behind the safety of their own lines, never once thinking of the weather that morning in lieu of escaping the larger and more intimidating Wu force. Like dogs chasing sheep bewildered by a clap of lightning, they ran straight into the gorge- the quickest route back into their territory though surely a few of them had to suspect the dangers that laid in wait there. The sensible few were not enough to guide them away from the trap, however, and it didn’t take long for the band of troublemakers to find themselves and their horses knee and waist deep in trouble.

The chase ended quickly and for a few moments, Lü Meng and his unit were content to watch the men struggle to escape the quagmire they found themselves in. Some had managed to escape, one of which was their leader, but the bulk of the men were left at the mercy of the approaching unit. If they were worried about the Wu officers swooping in for the kill, they worried for naught. Lü Meng wouldn’t risk his officers getting caught and ordered them to circle the top of the gorge, armed with spears, javelins, bows and crossbows, all weapons that could be hurled at them from above. And yet, he stayed their hands, if only to drive the point home that he could give such a command at any time but was choosing not to.

That didn’t stop them from flinging taunts and insults down, however, and he allowed it to an extent. There were some retaliatory attempts that came from the trapped Wei officers beneath them but the Wu officers remained well out of reach of even the most talented of the spear throwers. Arrows were useless thanks to the position of the sun, and their insults were hardly noteworthy and were just as effective as their thrown spears.

This confrontation of sorts lasted for half an hour before even the Wu officers grew bored of their taunting and Lü Meng grew weary of being caught unawares of a Wei scouting party. Zhu Ran and Lu Xun were at his side as he was debating what to do with the Wei officers trapped below, and of the two, Zhu Ran was quick to suggest he dispatch them, so that they wouldn’t have a chance to bother them again. Lu Xun, however, recommended waiting it out and taking their abandoned supplies and horses, a tactic that Lü Meng was familiar with and certain that would happen again if they waited long enough.

However, the solution to that problem was found when the officers below, the most vocal of which were the generals Sun Zicai and Song Hao, proclaimed they wished to switch their loyalty to serve him and Wu. It was a rather surprisingly request but Lü Meng didn’t question it. Either they admired his strategy enough to win their loyalty, or the more likely reason was that they didn’t wish to meet their death at Wu’s hands this day. 

Neither Zhu Ran nor Lu Xun opposed this action, and the matter was settled. Whatever their reasons for changing their loyalty, the general accepted it at face value and spent the rest of the day assisting each man out of the pit, and each one was true to their word. The few that left did so only to bring their families over the border. Lü Meng allowed it and wished them a safe return, both of which actions had only seemed to surprise and enlighten the newly acquired soldiers even more. Had they been expecting Lü Meng to refuse their request? Did they think he wouldn’t trust them? 

It didn’t bother Lü Meng at all, though clearly it bothered Lu Xun. He did not oppose to the idea of the men joining their ranks as he saw the benefit in it, surely just as Lü Meng and Zhu Ran did. However, he was surprised just how easily Lü Meng was willing to let a few depart and it took him far too much courage to question his mentor about this. He wanted to wait until Zhu Ran was sent away to handle his own duties, but it seemed that Zhu Ran wasn’t going anywhere soon either. 

“I don’t know why it surprises you,” Zhu Ran said, fiddling around with one of his arrows as the two of them waited outside of Lü Meng’s home as he took care of some unexpected business. Lu Xun tried not to look at the other officer so that he wouldn’t see his agitation. He wasn’t happy to have to share his concern with him and wanted to discuss it with Lü Meng privately, but Zhu Ran had a way of prying into matters until he either got an answer from the person he badgered or he could correctly guess what was on their mind. It was aggravating, but a useful trait for someone that clearly had aspirations to become Wu’s Chief-Commander someday, he hated to admit. “Lü Meng’s a pretty good judge of character. If he believes they’re going to bring their families over, then chances are they will.”

“Still, I would think he’d want to be wary of possible deception, though from what intel we have on them it wouldn’t seem likely.”

Zhu Ran was in the middle of twirling his arrow and he nearly dropped it but made a good save at the last minute. The way he held himself was apparent of a man that was trying to hide a mistake and after affirming himself that no one had seen it besides Lu Xun, he offered his own insight on the matter. “If they were going to try something, they’d have done it when we pulled them out of the gorge. Unless their wives and children are better fighters than them, I don’t think we have too much to worry about. If anything, they’re the ones taking the biggest risk, don’t you think?”

To that, Lu Xun could agree with. “They -are- returning to enemy territory, where they could be captured and punished as traitors. Do you think Lord Lü Meng realized this when he allowed them to go back?”

“I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t,” Zhu Ran said almost nonchalantly, almost as though he hadn’t even considered the possibility that he hadn’t. Lu Xun had to remind himself that though he didn’t care much for Zhu Ran, he knew Lü Meng better than he himself did and thus he had a lot of useful information to give him. “Those officers are the ones taking the risk of their intentions being discovered and getting captured, and even if they don’t come back, then what’s a few compared to the officers that stayed? It’s in their best interests not to try anything foolish, because they know that Lü Meng will just crush them again.”

Still, as confident as Zhu Ran seemed on the matter, Lu Xun couldn’t help but feel that Lü Meng was perhaps a little too trusting. And yet, what good would have came if he treated their new officers with suspicion? He had heard of how Lü Meng dealt with the matter of Xi Su and it seemed to earn him some favor in the court, as well as how he advocated for Gan Ning’s inclusion to Wu, so perhaps he shouldn’t be so critical of Lü Meng’s decision to trust Sun Zicai and Song Hao at face value, he told himself. In the end, Lü Meng’s trusting nature worked in his own favor, so he’d leave the gift horse alone for now.

Zhu Ran was going to ask him something but whatever he said failed to register in his mind, as the door to Lü Meng’s home suddenly opened. Both officers stood at attention, hands at their side and arrow quickly discarded, though the first one out of the home wasn’t of consequential rank. The servant that Lü Meng had took in stumbled out, his wounds dressed and healed and most of his bruises, though still visible, weren’t such a raunchy shade of violet anymore, though the way he held himself bespoke of mental wounds that would take more time to heal, if they ever could. He glanced at the two officers and bowed his head but dared not utter a word, as Gan Ning followed out after him. It was clear who caused such a terrified expression on the young servant’s face but again, neither Zhu Ran nor Lu Xun said a word to him. The former pirate looked smug and hardly paid any mind to either them or the servant that barely contained himself, even when Lü Meng stepped out after them. “I’m serious, Gan Ning. If you lay another hand on him, I’m taking him from your employment permanently and I’ll make sure you’re punished to the full extent of the law.”

If his goal was to deter interests from the two officers or anyone that happened to be nearby, he failed miserably and only attracted more attention to himself. This didn’t bother Gan Ning in the least, though he did make a conscious effort to add some measure of respect in his tone as he addressed Lü Meng. “Not a single hand, general. I promise.”

“Or a foot. Or any part of your body,” Lü Meng said, covering incredible distance and practically appearing in front of the retreating Gan Ning with little effort. Zhu Ran and Lu Xun felt the air turn to ice around them and they were surprised they held their ground when both were taken back by the venom in their mentor’s gruff voice. Gan Ning flinched by held his courage well, even when the servant trembled and hid behind Lü Meng’s form. “Promise me you won’t hurt him.”

“Alright, alright! I promise, I won’t hurt him with any part of my body. May I take my servant and leave now, General Ossan?” 

Silence lingered between the two generals for the moment and the world around them seemed eager to fill that silence with as many awkward noises as possible. The two interlopers waited with bated breaths, neither one wanting to admit to the other just how nervous the other was with this situation. Eventually Lü Meng relented, though both of them could tell he didn’t wish to let Gan Ning depart with the servant. Yet, his hands were tied, or so they were quick to assume. “Get going.”

The former pirate gave a triumphant grin and stepped past the general, knowing better than to reach for the servant especially so close to Lü Meng. The servant didn’t seem grateful for this advantage and remained firmly in place, only for Lü Meng to encourage him to go before Gan Ning could wise up. “Go on. You know where to find me should you need me.”

Still, the servant wasn’t convinced. There was far too much fear in those eyes, fear that seemed to strike his mentor deep. It showed in the way he held himself, as he was an open book, and eventually, the servant lowered his head and retreated after Gan Ning without a word. Lu Xun could see the confliction in Lü Meng’s eyes and he could see him wanting to call back, but he held himself back, countering his own anxieties with the promise he forced Gan Ning to make. It baffled Lu Xun, to see how easily he allowed those few to return to Wei to gather their family and yet seemed so hesitant to send a servant back with one of their own. And yet, as much as this confused him, he dared not utter a word about it. Clearly he was already conflicted about the matter and any further prying might misdirect his anger towards himself. And he was certain he didn’t want to open that door. If he could go on with his life without ever seeing his mentor so filled with rage like he was at Lord Zhou Yu’s funeral, he’d be content.

“Can I help you?” Lü Meng asked, suddenly turning to them and making them both flinch. Neither one was quick to speak up now and this only made Lü Meng’s scowl deepen and succeeded in chasing away any courage they may have had left. “Well?”

Lu Xun could feel Zhu Ran’s gaze and he managed to scrounge up enough courage to ask a question that was on his mind though not the one he had come for. “Sir, have you heard anything from our lord, about Xu Gu and matter of the heirs?”

His expression softened considerably and Lu Xun’s gamble paid off, as the topic was enough to ease the overall tension that lingered long after Gan Ning left. “He’s finally conceded and is allowing me to send them teachers.”

“What’s the deal with Gan Ning?” Zhu Ran asked, leaving Lu Xun speechless on his brusque approach to the question. Lu Xun feared that whatever tension he had worked in dissipating would build back up and the look Lü Meng flashed them only fed that concern, and yet it was clearly too late for Zhu Ran to go back on it now. “He’s been acting really unruly lately, especially around you. Is he jealous or something?”

“Yes, and stupidly so,” Lü Meng said with a grumble, glancing back to where Gan Ning and the servant retreated and sparing both officers from his scowl though the growl in his voice remained. He was angry, but disappointed as well, and this only enticed Lu Xun’s curiosity all the more as Lü Meng tried to explain. “I’ve officially surpassed him in rank and he’s taking it to heart. He thinks our lord’s playing favorites, but what he doesn’t seem to get is that it’s his attitude that’s stopping him from advancing.”

It wasn’t a matter that Lu Xun wanted to discuss, and clearly, Lü Meng didn’t want to either, as no sooner had he confessed this did he seek to send the two on their way. “Just be careful around him. He’s trying to see how much he can get away with and dig under my skin, and I’d rather him not take it out on either of you to get to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have teachers to assign and families to rehome. Good night.”

There was no use in arguing and rank had little to do with it. Both men were intelligent enough to hear the gruff undertone in his voice and caught the meaning too well. They gave their bows and left the general to his work, departing together though not entirely out of having shared a bond. They simply had similar destinations. Lu Xun had no interests in sharing words with Zhu Ran and he had just as much interests in knowing what thoughts ran across his mind. No, he was far too invested with his own and it all seemed to revolve around the truth that he didn’t know Lü Meng as much as he needed to to predict him. 

He would have to dig deeper, he told himself, reaffirming his own goals in his mind to distract himself from the very real fear he saw in that servant’s eyes, as well as just how thick the tension between Lü Meng and Gan Ning was. Whatever fate was in store for the servant was hardly his own concern, he told himself as he chased all thoughts regarding him away. He had to learn more about Lü Meng, about Wu, if he ever wished to get far.

Lu Xun had plans, and for the sake of those plans, he couldn’t let such little things hinder him. Whatever happened in the future with the servant would be a matter between Gan Ning and Lü Meng, should the former pirate be foolish to test the general’s patience. He told himself this several times throughout the night and even into the following day until he had forced it out of his mind, only for fate to be cruel and rub his face in it once he had done so.

There was no mistaking the identity of the corpse that was tied to the tree as his attacker was kind enough not to aim any of his arrows at his head and face. No, there were multiple arrows, some in the tree trunk, some scattered along the ground next to the tree, but only one in the servant’s heart, to deceive the onlookers into thinking his death was quick. It was still a gruesome sight and only a handful recognized the man, but even then, the arrows that decorated the tree and the surrounding areas were a calling card of the culprit.

Who else would use the pink-tipped goosefeathers but Gan Ning of the Bells? There was no attempt to hide his deed and if anything it was clear that he wanted them to see his handy work.

Though, not so much as them, but a single person. And that person took one look at the murdered servant, just as he wanted him to, though his reaction might not have been what he desired, as people swore the earth shook in shockwaves from Lü Meng’s thunderous and earth shattering scream. In that calling of the former pirate’s name, there was a maelstrom of emotions: fury, disbelief, sorrow, shame, horror, disgust, and pure, unfiltered, and completely justifiable hatred. 

There was no doubt on anyone’s mind as to what Lü Meng would do once he got his hands on Gan Ning, and there was even lesser doubt in anyone’s mind that Lü Meng would get his hands on him. Gan Ning was as good as dead...


	33. Mother Lü's Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an enraged Lü Meng seeks Gan Ning's blood and only one woman can stop him...

It didn’t take long to find Gan Ning, though in all truths, he wasn’t hiding to begin with. Yes, he may have left the scene of the crime but no one truly expected him to go into hiding as such a decision might have reflected a fraction of remorse. To those that knew Gan Ning, or thought they knew him, it hardly seemed his style to commit an act and flee like there was a hellhound after him. If anything, it seemed more likely that he lost interests in his kill and wandered off to appease himself in another manner, and others were certain that it was this conclusion that only drove Lü Meng’s justified rage into the frenzy that it was.

No one could talk him down. Zhu Ran had tried to write off the event, give an excuse or a reason to it and Lü Meng wasn’t convinced. Lu Xun had tried to calm him by reminding him of the law and how it was on their side, and all they needed to do was make their report to Lord Quan. But Lü Meng paid him little mind. 

Even Ren could not calm him, and that was when his men knew just how doomed Gan Ning was. If his wife could not calm their general, then simply put nothing would except Gan Ning’s death, and there was no doubt that once Gan Ning realized this that he’d continue fleeing as now his life certainly depended on it. It was probably the wisest thing that Gan Ning could think to do after the stunt he just pulled and truly no one could blame him. Lü Meng was out for blood and it was clear as to whose blood it would be.

Few dared ask why Lü Meng took such an offense so personally and it was hardly up to debate as no one was brave enough to ask him as they gave their pursuit of the former pirate. Lu Xun was willing to overcome his growing rivalry with Zhu Ran and reach a truce so that he could ask if he knew why Lü Meng was so livid but every chance was met with the overwhelming fear of invoking Lü Meng’s fury onto him. 

He couldn’t deny that the blatant murder of the servant should have been enough to invoke a sense of justice in the general, but even he knew it went deeper than that. Whatever it was that drew out such a violent streak in Lü Meng would simply have to be investigated later, he told himself. Perhaps once they found their wayward culprit, it would reveal itself, he told himself. He pushed his horse onward, fearing that all it would take was a momentary lapse to lose his mentor in his mad dash towards the river.

When they found Gan Ning, those with a somewhat calm head on their shoulders were almost willing to give the man credit for his choice in hiding place, though unfortunately, the incensed Lü Meng wasn’t willing to acknowledge any such thing. The former pirate had taken one of the smaller vessels, one that was his own by all means so at least he didn’t add theft to his list of charges, and now floated well out of reach of the general and his horsemen. Few doubted that Lü Meng wouldn’t simply jump into the river and swim after him, but even in his hindered state of mind he knew that Gan Ning would easily row his boat to safety and that Lü Meng would exhaust himself before ever reaching the vessel (though given how livid he was, perhaps he’d have just enough energy to spare). That didn’t mean that Gan Ning was out of hearing range, or the range of the archers that accompanied Lü Meng. They were surprised he hadn’t given the order to fire at the man that lounged on the vessel but they knew such an order was inevitable. Lü Meng’s voice alone threatened to capsize it even at this distance. “GAN NING! You murdering, loathsome pirate, get back here and answer for what you’ve done!”

The boat rocked slightly as Gan Ning seemed surprised by the sudden noise, but otherwise he appeared too smug, too calm, for someone who knew he could get such a reaction. Surely he had to know that Lü Meng would respond this way. “Like hell, Ossan. I didn’t do anythin’ I said I wouldn’t do.”

“You promised you wouldn’t harm him!” Lü Meng shouted, amazing everyone that had followed him in that he had not blown his own voice out yet. His face was beet red and they swore he fumed as though he was going to explode at any moment, but no one was laughing. His own men, even the ones that had known him from when he was a fifteen year old stowaway, were terrified of the man that stood atop his horse on the river bank and no doubt Gan Ning could feel his fury even from the safety of his vessel. “You promised me you wouldn’t harm him with hand or foot or any appendage! You promised me-”

“Yeah, an’ I kept my end of the promise. I didn’t hurt him with ANY of those.” Gan Ning rolled over and pushed himself to his feet, and in a movement that might have impressed young, foolish soldiers that didn’t truly know him, he kicked at the bow that was resting next to him into his hands. He rose it for Lü Meng to see, so focused on the stupefied expression to see Zhu Ran reach for his own bow. “I hurt him with THIS, Ossan. What? You didn’t think I forgot that lesson in word play, did-”

Whatever else he was going to say was cut off when Zhu Ran let loose an arrow, careful not to ignite it with the wick and his aim was true, striking the bow out of Gan Ning’s hands and into the water. The former pirate nearly capsized his own boat as he lunged to recover it and few men dared to brave either a compliment to the feat or a chuckle. Lü Meng offered no indication of whether the feat pleased him or not as he screamed at Gan Ning and even made his own horse nervous from the intensity of his words. “A weapon is an extension of your body, you idiot! Is that why you killed him? To make a point?”

Eventually Gan Ning managed to fish out the bow and his annoyance was clear to see. Zhu Ran’s arrow dug deep into the wood and no doubt the former pirate felt more insulted that someone dared to damage what he perceived as his than he should have. That only drove Lü Meng’s anger even deeper, and his next order shattered any chance that they might be able to leave this standoff without bloodshed. “Zhu Ran, set his boat on fire.”

“Lü Me- I mean, General Lü Meng, are you sure?!” 

It wasn’t like Zhu Ran to stutter or question an order and the rest of the men were too stunned to gasp. And yet, Lü Meng didn’t seem to notice or care. He repeated himself, as if to think that Zhu Ran simply hadn’t heard him and choosing not to consider that Zhu Ran was defying an order. “Set the damn boat on fire. You, traverse to the other side of the river. I want to make sure he is apprehended when he tries to escape. The rest, remain here with me.”

The unit that he signaled to take the other side of the river were mortified but they moved to obey, not wanting to invoke his wrath. Lu Xun was among them and he hung back. He tried to get a word in but one look from the general killed all courage within him. He turned his horse about and ran after the others, not sticking around long enough to hear Zhu Ran’s protest. “Lü Meng, trust me, we want to see Gan Ning brought to justice, but I don’t think killing him without Lord Quan’s approval is going to-”

“Are you going to fire the arrow or not?” Lü Meng snapped and immediately Zhu Ran lost his nerve. Never had Lü Meng snapped at him and never had he appeared so terrifying and Zhu Ran could feel himself wanting to cower in lieu of that overwhelming anger he felt burning off of him. He felt his nerves lock up and clearly Lü Meng must have seen this, as he ripped the bow from his hands with such speed and intensity that he startled Zhu Ran’s horse and nearly knock the youth off. Zhu Ran couldn’t stop him and he watched as the general grabbed an arrow from his quiver and took aim. If he had the courage to speak, he would have tried to correct the general’s form and Gan Ning had this to blame for when the first lit arrow shot over the boat and hit the water uselessly just beyond him. 

If Gan Ning had a lick of sense, he wouldn’t have said anything. He would have looked at the missed shot and thanked his stars that it didn’t strike the boat or him. But as renown as the Pirate of the Silken sails was, it wasn’t for his wisdom. He laughed in direct defiance of the missed shot and only encouraged another attempt. This one was closer but it never hit the wood on the boat. Zhu Ran prayed that Gan Ning would only stick to laughing, but that pray wouldn’t be answered. “What’s the matter, Ossan? Your aim’s a little off there! Maybe you should get your eyes checked? All that readin’ by candlelight can’t be good on your old eyes.”

It was a disaster waiting to happen, a volcano ready to not only erupt but blow the entire mountain side with it, and each insult Gan Ning flung only dug his own grave deeper and deeper. When a third arrow grazed the sail but wasn’t enough to set it alight, Zhu Ran was ready to grab the bow back from him and do the task for him, but Lü Meng wouldn’t give him the chance. At last, on the fourth attempt, the fire arrow hit the sail and dug in deep and the flames wasted no time. They spread and devoured the sail and began to engulf to the rest of the boat, turning Gan Ning’s howling laughter into a string of curses. Those that laughed on the shore did it sparingly as they were too afraid of their general’s temper to risk drawing his attention, and only when the boat was on fire did he hand the weapon back to its rightful owner.

They knew the act wouldn’t kill Gan Ning but that wasn’t the goal. It was to get him off the boat and into the water where they could fish him out. He could attempt to swim further down river but both sides would be full of opposition, waiting patiently for him to tire and eventually surrender. Even if his goal was to swim into the neighboring territories, he would be out of luck. This subsidiary may have branched from the Yangtze but it did not connect into Wei, so there was no salvation there. He could swim west, towards Jing, but no doubt Lü Meng would send a messenger to Liu Bei to request his immediate return. He could ask for sanctuary but a man as noble and virtuous as Liu Bei wouldn’t allow such a murderous man into his fold.

Lü Meng had it planned out. Even when every fiber of his being roared louder than the flames that consumed the boat and Gan Ning’s rations, he had enough wit about him to keep control of the situation. Lu Xun found that to be both admirable and horrifying all at once. 

Eventually, Gan Ning had no choice but to abandon the boat, and before the waiting game could commence, a horse approached them, trumpeting its arrival as its rider pulled and yanked too hard on its reins. The men turned to face the rider and were stunned into silence. Not a single one could warn their general, as he heard the incoming horse but refused to look away from Gan Ning’s form in the water, as though doing so for even a second would risk losing him. “Wait him out. He can probably wade there for a good while but he can’t last forever. We’ll fish him, and-”

“Ameng!” 

It was a subtle difference but one that made all the difference. When others before her had failed to cut through his anger, how easy was it for San Shilimai to do so with a single word. No, it wasn’t just that, as the tone of her voice and the edge that decorated it was serrated, not content to just dig into the flesh but rip out chunks of it on its way out. No one dared say a word and Lü Meng finally looked away from the former pirate that bobbed in the water, swimming closer and closer to them despite the attempt on his life. Perhaps he sought refuge from Lü Meng’s mother? It seemed that way as thus far she was the only one preventing the general from grabbing his glaive and hurling it at the former pirate like a javelin and no one could deny it. 

She dismounted her fidgeting horse and didn’t bother handing the reins to one of the nearby men, picking up her dress and storming towards her son. Not a single officer dared get in her way and some even nudged their horses further away from her as she came to stand at Ying’s front, her closeness and the vibe she gave off making even the wily grey stallion uneasy and eventually forcing Lü Meng off his saddle. “Get a hold of yourself this instant. With the way you’re hollering about one wouldn’t think you’re one of our lord’s finest generals but an angry drunkard.”

Lü Meng should have felt ashamed of himself. He should have hung his head in shame and realized the wisdom in her words, but his anger was still too hot, his wound still too fresh, and his men did not think he could be any bolder this night than he was now. They were wrong. “Gan Ning killed a servant in cold blood and left his body to rot, mother. I will not sit by and let him get away with it!”

“And who said anything about that?” Shilimai countered his fire with ice and the manner she held herself was like a beacon, meant to cast a warning to the men around her and her son that she would not be treading lightly on the matter either. No one questioned how she learned of this. If Lü Meng’s angered shouts hadn’t alerted her to the unfolding crisis then no doubt Ren had fled to her mother-in-law for aid. A wise decision, as he seemed to be calming down considerably as she stood in front of her son, acting as if there wasn’t a head’s difference between them and that she didn’t know what the general was capable of in strength and skill. His men watched him behead an officer and few had ever bested him during sparring sessions. They all knew of his skill and his courageous nature, but how would it fare against the woman that raised him? There was no question where he got his famed scowl from and it only added to her ferocity as she held her ground. “You know the law as well as anyone else here. That doesn’t mean you’re the one that should carry it out, no matter how deserving it might be.”

By now, Gan Ning had made it onto shore and Lü Meng’s temper seemed to spread like a disease, as no sooner had Gan Ning pulled himself out of the water was he pulling out one of his daggers and going straight for the general that sunk his ship. “You son of a bitch, do you have any idea how much that boat cost me? All my good wine was on that boat!”

“AND YOU!” And Lady Shilimai spun around so fast she threatened to knock the blade away with the vortex caused by it. Whatever Gan Ning’s intent with the dagger was lost when she stood between the two men and she didn’t need to knock the blade away or grab for it. For as murderous the former pirate made himself out to be, striking down Shilimai seemed either too daunting of a task or perhaps she worked her way into his heart and his conscience wouldn’t allow for it. She took full advantage of this to address him, her words and her stature more than enough to disarm him. “What kind of a monster are you to kill that poor man? Do you have any idea what kind of grave you’ve dug for yourself? Do you even care? Well, say something! You’re no coward, speak up. Say something for yourself since my son clearly won’t be speaking up for you this time.”

Everyone present waited and the tension was almost stifling. The horses were finely tuned to the tension and dug their hooves into the earth and whickered their own nervousness, ears twisting about and wanting nothing more than to escape from the pressure closing in around them. The men weren’t immune to it either and many knew that if they dismounted that their horses wouldn’t think twice in leaving them to put some well desired distance between the epicenter. Gan Ning appeared besides himself and though the dagger was sheathed the men feared that he was just as deadly without them. His eyes were like daggers themselves and yet, despite this, he said nothing to her, either in outright denial or in defense. 

In lieu of Gan Ning’s silence, Shilimai huffed, giving him a look that would invoke a pang of shame in any sensible child. One swore they could see Gan Ning almost wither under that gaze but it was so miniscule that one could have imposed such an emotion when it wasn’t there. By then, whatever fury Lü Meng felt was tamed and he tried to take advantage of the opening his mother gave him. As angered as he was, he knew she was right. He couldn’t simply take the law into his own hands, no matter how justified it may be, but that didn’t mean he was going to let the pirate get away with it. 

And yet, she stopped him again, turning her head to glare at him and her tone might have been curt but no one could ignore the authoritative, maternal edge to its tone. Especially her son. “Now the two of you are going to come home with me and let the rest of your men settle in for the night. Shame on you, Ameng, for getting your men worked up on a personal matter when you know they have their duties to attend to. And you… well I would shame you but you clearly lack even the most basic of decency to feel shame!”

One look at either man should have broken the tension and forced a chuckle but no such thing could exist. No one was brave enough to laugh, not even Zhu Ran. Lü Meng physically recoiled and though calmer than moments before the way he held himself spoke volumes to his men as well as the grizzled woman that remained between them. Gan Ning sneered but otherwise held his tongue, the smartest thing he could possibly do besides apologize (something that not even the most naive of fools would hold their breath for) and the way Shilimai turned and walked to her horse implied that she expected both men to oblige to her demand. Lü Meng did so without fuss, motioning for his men to disperse and aiding his mother on her horse, and though Gan Ning lingered back, he didn’t make a run for it. He wanted to. They could read the desire to do so in his eyes, but he didn’t run. Begrudgingly, the former pirate grabbed what few items he brought with him to shore from his now demolished boat and apparently sought to gain the seasoned woman’s favor by grabbing the reins to guide her back.

Their eyes locked by neither man said a word to one another. Whatever words they’d exchange would take place in a more private setting and to the officers that accompanied their general this was a welcomed relief. None thought that Gan Ning would make it out of this scenario with his life barring a miracle and they had to wonder if that miracle lied with their general’s mother, or if she should even waste such a boon.

In their eyes, what Gan Ning had done was unforgivable and they could only wait to see if Lady Shilimai could convince her son to spare him. Not a single one of them envied her or any in the Lü home tonight, that was for certain.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

It physically hurt him to relive that anger. His head hurt even though he hadn’t forced them out of the memory, his jaw was tight and he feared it locked in place. His knuckles were white and his fingers cramped. Worst of all was the palpitations in his chest, the pause in his thumping heart beat that threatened to render him unconscious. He never felt so made before and now years later he was suffering for it in ways he couldn’t believe. 

How terrible was his sudden affliction that Zuo Ci’s concern felt so real, he wondered, struggling to calm himself and taking comfort in the reprieve that Zuo Ci granted him. “Forgive me for withdrawing, but you look ill.”

“I feel ill,” Lü Meng said, too grateful to feel any shame and dropping his suspicions for the moment. He couldn’t hold up the front that he unaffected any longer and simply worked on calming himself down. He didn’t lie. He felt sick to his stomach. He had never forgotten that act, but he clearly forgot just how livid and on fire he was. Eventually the fire on his brow cooled and bit by bit he felt everything fall back down to the norm, though now he felt drained and cold. Damn that mystic for forcing him to relive this! “I’m fine.”

“I’m unconvinced,” said Zuo Ci. Lü Meng glowered at him but the mystic hadn’t backed down from his accusation. “What is it about this memory that is so painful for you? Is it the broken promise? Is it being humiliated and shamed before your men? Is the death of a single servant enough to warrant you getting this worked up?”

Lü Meng steeled himself, more to stop his chills from consuming him than Zuo Ci’s verbal assault. He knew that was coming and he couldn’t blame the mystic for his onslaught of questions. After what he witnessed, who wouldn’t flood him with questions? It was simply a matter he didn’t wish to dwell on again, with emotions flared up like an old wound that was torn open to abruptly. When breathing wasn’t so painful, when his chest didn’t feel like it would collapse upon itself and crush the organs within, he answered truthfully though he knew it wouldn’t please Zuo Ci’s curiosity. “It’s complicated.”

It felt like such a cheap way out and yet it was the truth. It was complicated. He tried to elaborate before Zuo Ci could retaliate. “People are complicated as a whole, but this… is even more complicated. There’s so many reasons why I got so angry and it wouldn’t be right to boil it down to a single reason.”

“You were justified in your anger, if that helps.”

It should have pleased him to hear Zuo Ci say that and yet, what was another proclamation to that account? His rage was justified and there was nothing anyone could say to convince him otherwise. His reaction, however, was uncalled for and looking back at it now and feeling the disgust in himself for how he handled the situation should have made him proud. Yet, he felt nothing of the sort. Even with the knowledge that he had and how far he himself came, it didn’t make the sting of the memory hurt any less. 

“And yet, the root of your anger… it wasn’t with Gan Ning, was it?”

Now this struck deep and threatened to shatter Lü Meng’s resolve altogether and yet he clung to it with desperation. He looked to the mystic again, never once realized he was looking away from him until he felt forced to look at him again. Zuo Ci mistook his silence for confusion and explained himself and all the while Lü Meng could feel the palpitations returning, softly at first and gradually gaining momentum with each word uttered. 

“Think about it, Chief-Commander Lü Meng. Your anger with Gan Ning is justified even if your actions were severe, but that wasn’t what fueled your rage that day. He broke his promise and you felt betrayed, but you expected it in some way. You expected that Gan Ning would retaliate but you didn’t imagine he’d outright kill the man. You knew Gan Ning well enough to know that he would hurt the servant again and then you’d seek the proper punishment of the law- you returning the servant to him was a test to see how he would find a way around your stipulation. You’ve learned much from Lord Zhou Yu, so much that you were unknowingly implementing his old habits into your own.”

“That’s… that’s not it at all.” Lü Meng was ashamed at just how weak his own reply was, but it was all he could manage at first. His heart was racing against, picking up speed and thumping so loudly within its tightening cavity and threatening dots at the farthest edges of his vision. It wasn’t anger that fueled him before, however. He wished it was anger… 

“Oh? Looking back at your memory, I think I made a good guess. He tried to outsmart you and like your teacher, you lost your sensibility because in his mind, he technically outsmarted you.”

“IT’S NOT THAT. IT’S GUILT!” Lü Meng screamed the words out before Zuo Ci could push on and the ferocity behind the scream and the truth behind it silenced the mystic, leaving more than a window but an entire collapsed wall for which Lü Meng could push his advantage. And yet, he was forced to pause, catching his breath once more though not feeling any the better for it. He didn’t even bother putting on a profession front on this because he knew he could not support it and that only drove the dagger deeper. “It’s guilt. Because you’re wrong. I didn’t think Gan Ning would hurt him- if I knew that he would, I wouldn’t have given him back. I sent him back to Gan Ning because I was a guileless and I didn’t think Gan Ning would have killed him out of spite.”

Zuo Ci did not interrupt him and Lü Meng dared not look at him. A few moments of estranged silence passed and Lü Meng continued, his voice softer but just as bristly as before as not a single ounce of his guilt had alleviated. “I’m responsible in part to his death. I took him in when he came to me for help. I housed him and Ren tended to his wounds. We kept him with us for a week and the moment Gan Ning came back, I… handed him over. I saw his fear and assured him he’d be fine. I may not have been the one to tie him to the tree and…”

He had to stop himself from remembering, lest such rage take control of him again. That face haunted him more than any face should and yet he refused to lock it away for good. To do so would dishonor his memory, or at least it would in his own mind. “But I allowed it to happen when I could have stopped it. I could have taken him in, or pushed to reassign him to a more caring charge. I could have petitioned for Gan Ning to be punished on the first offense, or tried to cut off such behavior from the beginning, but… I didn’t. I sent him back to Gan Ning, and for that, he died.”

That was why the rage was so deep, why the pain was so real when they found him. And he lashed out at Gan Ning because… he wasn’t sure how to lash out against himself. He had been too afraid to admit to the others that he was responsible and that he could not control Gan Ning as well as he controlled his own men. He took another man’s very real concerns, very real fear, and not only ignored it but pushed him back into that hell without so much as a second thought. He didn’t have to imagine what kind of fear that man felt before his death… he lived it in Fupo. 

Every raid, ever thief and bandit that lurked for an easy picking. Even a maneater, teeth whittled down to nubs and desperate for food, passed through from time to time, seeking easy pickings. Every threat that passed outside the doorless entrance of his home struck such fear into him, even when he tried to hold strong for himself and his family. He would never forget the terror he felt when the tiger stopped outside his door and peered in, knowing the young boy that clung to his sleeping sister was wide awake and struck numb with fear, too terrified to defend himself should the tiger decide he’d be the one. Even worn down and white patches gone a muddy yellow from neglect, a tiger was still a tiger and invoked nothing short of true fear. Did that servant feel the same terror when Gan Ning sought to end his life?

He could do more than imagine the poor man’s horror. He empathized. That was what made the pain and guilt he felt all the more potent. To have escaped such a fate for himself, only to throw another man into it so quickly. 

“What was his name?” Zuo Ci asked, his voice calm and soothing though doing nothing to ease Lü Meng’s wounded spirit in the least. No, he only made it worse and the surprise in his form was genuine enough for Lü Meng to know that it was not his intent. “You did not know his name?”

“Not until after his death and I did an official inquiry to pay his family reprimands… and I am disgusted with myself.” Lü Meng admitted this freely, not even bothering to hide his shame or defend himself. He knew it wasn’t expected of him to know the name of every single servant, especially another man’s as he opted not to have any of his own. It had already taken considerable effort to know the names of his soldiers and even those outside of his command, but it was something he prided himself in. To think, he couldn’t even take the time to learn this servant’s name despite him having stayed in his home for a week’s time, and yet he had the nerve to want to avenge him. “His name was Bei Fong. He didn’t deserve that fate.”

“Few would, if any. While I am not sure why you throw such blame onto yourself, I suppose to feel as though you must suffer for your hand in it and far be it from me to stop you. It will not atone for the part you feel responsible for in his fate.”

“It’s not about atonement, though,” Lü Meng grunted. “I’m not going to kid myself into thinking I’m innocent or pure hearted and I’d be wasting your time trying to pretend otherwise. I’ve already done things that have guaranteed my next life to be a hell.”

The mystic was nearly speechless from the admission but he managed to recover in good form. “If not atonement, then why do you hold Bei Fong’s death so near? You seem to put unimaginable pressure upon yourself over this matter and while it is admirable to see someone of your stature care, if it is not for your own atonement?”

It was a fair question but not one that he had an immediate answer for, much to his own disappointment. He certainly was no masochist, despite having resigned to where he would go in the afterlife, but he knew that the reason he carried that servant’s fate with him was personal and even destructive. He figured that Zuo Ci wouldn’t appreciate having an answer and so he gave him what he managed to figure out on his own and silently hoped it’d be enough. “Because I failed him. He came to me, someone whom he trusted with his safety and life, because he knew I would protect him. Because he knew where I came from and sought to appeal to that nature, and I failed him, both in returning him to Gan Ning, and then again when I allowed Gan Ning to live after finding out what he had done.”

That was only throwing more salt to that wound but he accepted it. He could feel Zuo Ci’s glare and could feel the man’s judgement running deep, but he wouldn’t deny the mystic his right to do so. Even when Zuo Ci asked in a soft, almost betrayed manner just so that his blow could leave a fatal mark on Lü Meng’s already withering conscience. “And why did you let him live? Why did you not petition for his death?”

It was a question that plagued him throughout that night and even months to come. Dejavu took him, reminding him of how he once stood over the former pirate’s resting form with his own dagger many years ago in his tent and was asked the same question. Then, he had discovered Gan Ning to be Ling Cao’s killer, but it had been a grey area. This time, he saw himself holding a different weapon and the settings were different, but the former pirate was in the same situation. His mother’s cooking and the wine had delivered the one-two punch and rendered the former pirate senseless, leaving all of his vital spots vulnerable and ripe for the picking. Once again, Lü Meng found himself with this man’s life in his hands and this time, the crime wasn’t so grey or complicated.

This time, his own conscience wouldn’t stop him. Despite having brokered peace with a meal, San Shilimai did not have much energy these days and had exhausted every last ounce of it stepping between her son and the former pirate and the meal she prepared. She went to bed, thinking all was well, and that would be just fine for Lü Meng. He could clean the mess or defend his decision and deal with it on his own. He was going to clean one of his messes tonight, he promised himself, gripping the goose feather tipped arrow in hand and taking aim for the heart, a target that Gan Ning seemed to favor when it came to taking his victims and so would it become his own mark for death. Lü Meng wanted to feel some kind of delight in this irony, but he felt nothing, and that was almost enough to stop him. He rose the arrow and prepared to plunge it deep before doubt could take shape and render him useless a second time.

No. There couldn’t be a second time. There simply couldn’t. 

“Ling Cao, servant… forgive me for waiting so long to do this.”

And in fear of someone stopping him, Lü Meng dropped his hand with all his might, determined that there’d only be one deathstroke. Gan Ning wasn’t worth multiple blows…


	34. These Are Turbulent Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Pang De rides out to challenge the God of War and Lü Meng manipulates Gan Ning...

Pang De may as well have been a mobile mountain from the eyes of the Wei soldiers that gathered at the gates to see him off. He moved slowly and with definitive purpose and there wasn’t an ounce of human fear or doubt to show through. To any officer, opposing or not, to see such a towering force atop a white horse, armed with both a fierce weapon and a coffin would have felt terror gnawing at their resolve and threaten to eat them from within. 

A warrior from Xiliang and once one of their fiercest oppositions, camaraderie came hard for Pang De as the Wei officers were not only weary of his daunting appearance but where his loyalties once lied. Cao Ren would have been a liar if he did not express some small suspicions when Pang De had come into their employment but it was not long before he had come to accept the warrior as one of their own. Clearly, the soldiers stationed with them had yet to accept him or Pang De must have felt that way to encourage this decision.

Already there were whispers of disbelief and admiration circulating the besieged men in the foyer of the castle and Cao Ren ignored the servant that was preparing his umbrella as he broke through the crowd to reach Pang De before he could ride off. “Lord Pang De, there’s no need for this display!”

Even as the words left his mouth, he knew he was wrong. And yet he still felt he was obligated to stop him. Perhaps it was for the normally stoic and quiet warrior to explain himself to the rest of the soldiers and he was willing to take the fall for it. Action spoke louder than words but sometimes words were needed. He held true to this, even when Pang De stared down at him. 

“No, Lord Cao Ren. This isn’t a display. This is a final stand,” said the warrior from Xiliang, his voice reinforced steel and making the blade on his weapon obsolete compared to the power in the voice he possessed. He did not speak much, but when he did, all listened. “I mean you no disrespect and I understand your strategy here, but this siege cannot last forever. You know this and I know that if anyone can draw this out to our favor is it you, but this is not how I will leave this world.”

Any good commander would have been appalled at such bold words and Cao Ren knew that he should have sought to reprimand him for it. It threatened morale, something that his men were already in danger of losing, and from where Lady Ren hid from the window, she could see the immediate effect it had on the soldiers around them. She couldn’t blame Cao Ren for almost losing his composure and she admired him to remaining so firm, even when he sounded desperate to the ears. “We must hold out a little longer. Wu will come and together we will-”

“Lord Cao Ren, your faith in Wu is admirable and I mean every word of it.” Pang De cut him off without so much as raising his voice as there was hardly any need to. His voice was just as powerful as those arms that held such a heavy polearm as though it were naught but a twig and thus raising his voice would have been overkill. Such a powerful and intimidating warrior, and yet so much restraint. Lady Ren couldn’t help but feel intimidated and yet in complete admiration for this warrior. “But my warrior’s pride will not allow me to sit by and wither away under a hope of rescue. I am to be the master of my own fate, and I would rather find death on the battlefield.”

The officers gathered around Pang De sprung to life with murmurs of agreement and bravery seemed to spread throughout them, morphing them from the near empty husks they were before to a more lively and spirited bunch. Cao Ren could feel a spark of life igniting within him, even when he clung to his own hope within an unrelenting vice grip. Lady Ren knew the risk that both Pang De and Cao Ren were taking in allowing the warrior to speak so freely. He could have crushed what little morale they had left and rendered the besieged officers ripe for the picking for the ravenous officers that kept their fangs and claws dug in deep and yet the words he chose were enough to enspirit them. It breathed life into them where there wasn’t one before and she couldn’t help but feel such life entering her too. 

“Open the gates, Lord Cao Ren, and allow me to ride out.” Pang De spoke above the crowd, noting that other soldiers were grabbing their own weapons and calling for their horses but paying them no mind. Nothing could distract the warrior from his task and Cao Ren was certain that he’d only bust through the gates on his own if he dared try to deny him. “I will take the fight to Guan Yu myself. I will remind him that the warriors of Wei yield to no man, even if he is proclaimed a God. I will remind him that our fangs are just as sharp as our hide is impenetrable.”

Cao Ren knew that he could not deny the man his right. He outranked him and could throw such a rank on the table and demand he refrain, but in his heart, he could not deny the warrior his decision. He was willing to throw his life on the line and all for a gamble and he was going to take others with him, and yet, who was he to deny him the chance to strike against their foe? He admired Pang De but could not even begin to express it. To think, this was the most that the warrior of Xiliang spoke in his entire career in Wei and it would to be his own death dirge. 

All it took was a single hand motion and the order was obeyed. The gates began to open and those that would ride out with Pang De were ready, weapons in hands and horses fidgeting beneath in anticipation. Outside the protective walls of Fan Castle, the Shu officers looked on with their own wave of anticipation, perhaps expecting Wei to send out another messenger and preparing to intercept. They weren’t expecting an offensive and Cao Ren hoped that the element of surprise and Pang De’s skills would be enough to earn them victory this day. 

“Hold onto your hope, Lord Cao Ren. Wu will come and we will find victory here,” Pang De said, taking advantage of the racket caused by the grinding of the gates to address the Wei commander more privately. Only then did his voice drop but only in volume, never in resolve. “I admire your conviction and faith.”

“And I admire your courage and resolve. May the Heavens favor your charge.”

And that was it. It was likely that these would be the last words ever spoken between the two though Cao Ren held on to the hope that they would have another opportunity. Just as he held faith in Lü Meng, he held onto the hope that Pang De would return alive, but his seasoned heart and mind, both of which had survived many a bloody conflict after the other, steeled himself for the worst. There was no rush out of the gates when they were open but it was not out of fear of the man at Shu’s front, mounted atop a famed horse with blood red fur and looking every part the God of War that so many in this era proclaimed him to be. No, there was no fear in Pang De’s form and none in the men that chose to follow him and surely their opponent could see that. 

“Lord Guan Yu, here stands before you the proud men of Wei. We will not yield. We will not surrender. Know this,” Pang De spoke his words and threatened to make the earth tremble beneath him. He rose his coffin for Guan Yu and the rest of the men gathered behind him to see and proclaimed loudly and fiercely. “Either you or I will be leaving this battlefield in this coffin. The way of the warrior will not permit otherwise!”

They were too far away to see what expression might exist on their opponent’s face but the way he held himself bespoke a man that was both impressed and enraged that any would dare address him in such a manner. Lady Ren looked upon the man that her husband and his rival in Wei had united to fight and could not stop the shudder she felt at the mere sight of him. What kind of a man could inspire such a reaction when there was so many li keeping them apart?

“Do you think he’ll win?” She heard Lü Ba ask. He gave in to the loud snerking of the pug that tried to hop onto the window sill to see and scooped him up to see, placing a hand on the dog’s muzzle to keep him from yapping his excitement for all to hear. Lady Ren pulled her gaze from the famed God of War and to her son and was grateful for it. “What if he does win? They wouldn’t need Wu anymore if Guan Yu falls here… what would become of us?”

Ren wished she had an answer and yet she didn’t let it be seen. She only smiled sweetly as she settled in to watch the fight. She didn’t care for violence but she could not be the wife of a general of war without knowing it to be inevitable. She watched, not out of wanting bloodshed, but to study Guan Yu’s moves so that when her husband arrived she could give him guidance. 

“Nothing, dear. Your father will come and Lord Ren wouldn’t allow any harm to come to us. Now watch the fight and learn, Ba. We must earn our keep here even if we’re guests.”

Ba, ever filial, gave a firm nod and set Baozi on the window sill though keeping one hand firmly placed on the collar to keep him secured. Pang De led the brave warriors of Wei in the charge and those that didn’t rush after them came to man the defense, the battle reigniting once more. Whatever reserves he had would simply have to wait. He tried to hide his own concerns from his mother and he didn’t want her to see the fear in his eyes as he looked upon the man that his father would come to fight. If a warrior like Pang De fell to him, then what chance would his father have? 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The arrow clattered on the ground next to Gan Ning, no a single ounce of blood to be found. The noise woke the former pirate up from his slumber and his hands came up in self defense, though it wasn’t needed. Lü Meng had every intention of driving the arrow deep and piercing the heart, but courage left him when he needed it the most. 

He couldn’t do it. He simply couldn’t do it.

Gan Ning laid awake below him, arms up and ready to strike, but there wouldn’t be any that came from Lü Meng. Not tonight. He glanced at the arrow and back at the general, as Lü Meng pushed himself to his feet to leave the home. Lü Meng didn’t think of the consequences of leaving his back exposed to a man he just tried to kill and a part of him knew that he should have been more weary and alert. 

And yet, it didn’t cross his mind. How quickly he wanted to snuff out the man’s life, only to stop himself before he could even commit to the swing. Why did he stop, he asked himself, putting some distance between his home and himself. He eventually stopped and stood in place, but he paid little mind to his surroundings or how Gan Ning was closing in on him. He heard the bells approaching but he couldn’t will himself to care. And he hated it.

Twice he allowed Gan Ning to live and this time he didn’t even have Zhou Yu to talk him through his thoughts. That only drove the blade even deeper and Lü Meng wanted to scream but he held it in. By Heaven’s will, he managed to hold it in but for how long? The bells stopped and a confrontation was imminent. How long would his will hold out would be up to Gan Ning, and somehow that only guaranteed trouble.

“What’s your damage?” Gan Ning at least waited until he was within arm’s reach before addressing him and Lü Meng wished he could be delighted that he hadn’t chosen to shout but he felt nothing of the sort. Something fell near his feet and he didn’t bother looking at it. He knew what it was. How could he not? “What’s this?”

“It’s your arrow,” Lü Meng said, his voice holding not a scrap of anger that it once had. No, in the wake of that justified rage was spite, leaving a bitter after taste and his voice lacked emotion but not conviction as he explained. “I planned to kill you with it, to avenge that servant you murdered. Just like I wanted to kill you to avenge Ling Cao.”

He had no idea what to expect from Gan Ning by this point. At some point, he thought he knew the former pirate and in a way, he prided himself in that. He had seen a side of the man that Gan Ning allowed no one else to see and knew he held potential, even when others showed doubt. Lianshi and others reminded him that he knew Gan Ning, the true one and not the one he allowed others to see, and yet, how true was that now? He did not think Gan Ning would be so cruel to a helpless servant and in that it caused that poor man’s death. Did he truly know Gan Ning? Had he ever? 

“You were gonna kill me?”

The pain he heard in that voice, the betrayal that coated his words, were more offensive to him than if Gan Ning would have boasted his feat or physically lashed out at him. This sparked some life into him again and yet he tried to fight it down though why he wasn’t even sure. Perhaps it was out of habit or to prove that Zhou Yu’s training hadn’t been lost on him, but whatever the reason he held onto it. He remained firm, even when the thought of Gan Ning feeling betrayed offended him to the very core of his being. “Yes.”

The situation was too tense. Even the crickets seemed hesitant to interrupt the session between the two and were silent. Not at all helpful but Lü Meng wouldn’t be looking to them for help. No. He made his own bed with this and he accepted this with some shred of dignity though it was poorly grounded and threatened to collapse upon itself at any moment. 

Eventually Gan Ning broke the silence and his question rendered Lü Meng useless. “Why didn’t you?”

Lü Meng turned to face the former pirate, half suspecting him to be red with fury and his curiosity merely a ruse. But perhaps that was giving him too much credit, to use his emotions to his advantage. No, when he looked at him, he seemed genuinely confused, and he mistook Lü Meng’s silence for not understanding or not hearing him, as he repeated himself. “You had a good chance to do it. Why didn’t you?”

He knew he would have to answer him eventually but he held back. Of all of the crazy things he had already done and would continue to do for the sake of his duty, he found himself wanting to do nothing more than to hide away. How could he tell him the truth without exposing himself for the former pirate? For all he knew, he would take advantage of that opening and everything he had worked for and gained would be taken from him in a heartbeat. He could even try to kill him for his answer. Right now, he truly didn’t know what Gan Ning would do or how he would react, and that only dug at him even more. 

He could have lied. He could have deflected the answer. He could have even outright refused to answer. Let the man wither in turmoil with a question he could never answer. And yet, he wouldn’t. Gan Ning wouldn’t care, he told himself, and that made his confession all the easier. “Because I’m not like you. I’m not a murderer.”

It may have been a low blow and perhaps it was wrong for him to put himself on that moral high ground. After all, he wouldn’t forget or deny what had lead him into Lord Sun Ce’s services in the first place, and apparently Gan Ning was quick to remember that as well. “Pah, get off your high horse, Ossan. You’re a killer, just like me. Remember that bully you gutted?”

“Yes. I do.” Lü Meng spat, regretting his decision to go this route but standing by his decision nevertheless. He opened that door and he would close it for good. “But I did it in the heat of the moment. I was wrong to do so, and I regretted it. I may have ran from it, but I didn’t brag about it.”

“Spin it however way you want. You’re no better than me.” Again, Gan Ning was quick to blow him off and this approach took Lü Meng by surprise. He was expecting a flurry of words, or a fight, but who would have thought an attempt on his life would invoke some kind of profound insight in the former pirate? How much did he truly not know of Gan Ning? “We’re men of war, you and I. Killing’s what we’re suppose to do, remember? From where I stand, you do a damn good job at killin’ our enemy.”

“But they’re soldiers, men who can defend themselves, not some poor servant that was beaten and then tied to a tree to be used as target practice!” Lü Meng bridged whatever distance between them and threatened to wake those stationed nearby, but by Heaven’s grace he remembered to curb his volume. It didn’t make his words any less fierce and he felt far too much pleasure in seeing the man wince. “Killing to defend yourself and killing an innocent are two different things, Gan Ning. That man didn’t deserve that fate. It was a life!”

“Yeah? Well, life is a life, so what makes that servant’s life worth more than a soldier out in the field? If you’re going to get on your high horse about some soldier that up until a week ago you didn’t even know existed, then what about every life that’s taken?” And Gan Ning once again surprised him and it wasn’t just the finger that pressed against his chest that stopped Lü Meng dead in his tracks. Where did this come from? When did Gan Ning ever possess such wisdom? And why now? Why did he have to fling it at him now, when he was so vulnerable? “Look, why don’t you admit the truth? You don’t care about that servant’s life- you don’t even know his name, so stop acting like that’s the reason you’re upset.”

The ball of fire in his gut was returning and with it life, but it was not a good feeling. It was growing pit of every negative emotion he could name and even a few he couldn’t and this wouldn’t aid Gan Ning in the least. He regretted not plunging that arrow in deep because he knew he missed his chance and this time there was no one there to convince him to spare him a third time. No one but himself, and the prospects of him not just wrapping his fingers around the man’s throat and squeezing until there was no life left in that wretched body of his was slim. And yet, none of it showed on the outside. Not yet. If it did, surely Gan Ning would have fled by now. 

“And why do you think I’m upset?” Lü Meng asked, his voice deceptively frigid. A layer of ice to mask the inferno that churned deep within. When he got no immediate answer, he repeated himself. “Why do you think I am upset, Gan Ning?”

Now there was an inkling of apprehension in Gan Ning’s form but it didn’t last long. The former pirate replied in earnest, “You’re mad because you think you got me all figured out. You think you can control me, just because you’re higher rank than me, but you can’t. You can’t control me, and that’s why you’re angry.”

It hurt. It physically hurt to hear Gan Ning carry on like that. He wanted to outright deny such a ridiculous theory, and yet, it played a part in his rage. The bulk still came from the death of the servant and his own guilt, but he could not deny that was a factor in it. It was a bigger factor than he had initially considered and it was this realization that nearly threatened to drive him into another frenzy. And Gan Ning pressed the advantage, never once stopping to consider how he dug his own grave deeper, and deeper, and deeper. “You can keep your own men on a tight leash, but not me. You can’t stand not having someone under your thumb. Ever since Zhou Yu took you in to be a strategist-”

“We are not going there,” Lü Meng said and to make a point he slapped the hand on his chest away and pushed the former pirate back to put some well needed space between them. He was too close and Lü Meng couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t go white with rage, like he done with Yu Mao or Zhuge Liang. Gan Ning appeared surprised by the sudden shift but wisdom took him and he neither pushed back, drew close, nor was willing to bring up the former Chief-Commander again. When Gan Ning opted for silence, he pressed on, attempting to move the topic away from Zhou Yu before the former pirate had a chance to desecrate his late teacher. “If you think that’s what it means to be a general and to have a unit under your command is all about, then you’re wrong. Having men under my care means that I am responsible for them and their actions. Whatever they do, good or ill, is a direct reflection of their commanding officer. Their success is my success, their failures are also my failures. Yes, there is some level of control that I must exert, but not out of pleasure, but out of necessity instead.

“My inability to control your actions reflects poorly on me, and I accept that. So, in a way, you’re right,” he said, some of his anger quelled though not nearly enough for his own liking. The smug grin that Gan Ning wore threatened any amount of solace he found, small it may be, but he somehow managed. “I foolishly trusted you and because of that, his blood is on my hands, just as much as yours. And if you’re not going to repent, then that leaves it in my hands, even though I don’t think you deserve it.”

Gan Ning scoffed, thinking little of his insult or threat and only reminding Lü Meng just how little he truly knew this man. “Why waste your time? Why are you so caught up on looking out for me when you could just write it off as a failure and move on? Last I checked I wasn’t your responsibility.”

“You are my responsibility, remember? I brought you before our lord, I spoke in your defense when Ling Tong and several others wanted you dead. Perhaps you could have done this on your own, but I could have just as easily handed you over to Ling Tong for justice as I promised I would.”

Surprise registered on Gan Ning’s features and this time it lasted long enough for Lü Meng to feel some kind of control was being handed back to him. “You promised the kid you’d avenge his dad?”

“I did, and I wanted to, but I didn’t go through with it, because I thought you deserved a chance. What a fool was I?” He knew he was too bitter and now he was too tired to think of the ramifications this revelation might have on Gan Ning. He was beyond ready to accept defeat and call it a night though he knew he’d get no sleep this evening. “Even if that was the cause of my anger, that doesn’t excuse the fact that you killed a man, one that was assigned to you. I will be reporting this to our lord and I will have him decide your fate, whatever it may be.”

Only then did Gan Ning seem to show some other emotion unbearable smug and it was all too easy to remind himself of why he shouldn’t feel any sort of pity for the man when he looked to him for guidance. “And what punishment do you think that will be?”

“Death should be the punishment, considering it was not only murder but direct insubordination, given that I’m a higher rank than you. But whether our lord will call for that or not, I cannot say. I can tell you for certain that he doesn’t appreciate the notion that there are cold hearted killers in his employ and the fact that you seem to show absolutely no remorse for this doesn’t help your case.”

He should have felt more pleasure in telling Gan Ning this and the way he looked at him almost penetrated his disgust with the former pirate and force a smug laugh of his own. He refrained from laughing but that was about it. “What? Did you think that just because my mother invited you to own home and fed you that I wouldn’t report this? If anything she was stopping me from making another decision I’d regret and offering you a good last meal.”

“Our lord wouldn’t do that, though.” And yet, for the few brief moments that his genuine fear could be seen, it was still worth it. Lü Meng hadn’t said it simply to rattle his nerves, however. It was simply the truth and Gan Ning’s denial did him no good. If anything it only made Lü Meng all the surlier. “Not me. I’m far too valuable for him to risk losing, especially with the upcoming fights.”

It was a cruel joke for fate to play on him and yet he couldn’t deny he was being played. His own words were being thrown back at him in a way he hadn’t expected and the arrogance in Gan Ning’s statement made him want to vomit. He could taste the bile in his throat but he held it down through sheer force of will. If hubris could take a human form, no doubt it chose to inherit the body of Gan Ning this day. 

“Oh? And tell me… where did you ever get -that- idea?”

He was surprised with how cold he sounded to himself though he knew it would be wasted on the likes of Gan Ning. He felt his hands going numb from just how tight he curled his fists into balls and it took every ounce of willpower not to throw that balled fist into Gan Ning’s smug face as he explained. “Heh, call it a hunch, but why else would Lord Zhou Yu have mounted such a grand rescue at Yiling? He could have left me for dead but chose to mobilize the bulk of the army to rescue me and my men. What does that tell you?”

The second mentioning of Zhou Yu didn’t have the same effect as the first. The first, he wanted to cut off all mentionings because he was too emotionally compromised to even think of the late Chief-Commander. The second time, tied in with the mention of Yiling and their whole fiasco at Nanjun, brought an onslaught of memories. Zhou Yu’s voice, ever calm, ever collected before it was forever marred by Zhuge Liangs treachery, entered his mind and his words soothed him, despite it being weeks since he heard it. A commander should use any situation to his advantage.

He couldn’t stop himself from smiling and he did not leave Gan Ning in the dark for long. “It tells me that someone’s looking out for you and has, on many occasion, spoken on your behalf, and perhaps that someone will decide not to do so anymore.”

There was no need to stress who that ‘someone’ was and yet Gan Ning appeared surprised by the sudden revelation. It wasn’t enough to chase away the gruesome image of the poor servant’s death or erase what had been done, but seeing Gan Ning’s surprise and smallest inklings of horror was cathartic in its own right. It would not bring that poor servant back to the living nor would it avenge him, but seeing this side of Gan Ning pleased him a little too much and he forced himself back before he got carried away. “You… you were the one that pushed to rescue me at Yiling?”

“I did. When Lords Zhou Yu and Lu Su felt it was too dangerous, I pushed for your rescue,” Lü Meng said, not smugly but simply matter-of-factly. He wanted to be smug, but he was afraid to admit that he wasn’t comfortable with that approach. What would he gain from arrogance here? If there was something to gain through a blatant show of arrogance, he couldn’t think of what it could be. Thus far, this approach was having a greater effect than he could possibly imagine and so he rolled with it. If there was ever one consistent trait that he’d be known for, it was honesty, and that policy alone did the trick for Gan Ning. “I believed that you’d be worth the trouble of keeping in our employment, because despite what I think of you as a human being, as a warrior, you’re hard to match, when the odds are in your favor at least. Your skills are impressive and needed, and when pushed, I think you could do things that no one else in Wu, or China for that matter, can do. Was I wrong?”

It was a loaded question and one that he knew Gan Ning would feel stumped on. That wasn’t the purpose he asked it, however, but he at least took comfort in knowing that Gan Ning’s answer would be hard thought and not just a quick lie to appease him. Eventually Gan Ning gave his answer and the way he glanced down to hide what Lü Meng hoped to be shame was gratifying to see though he made no outward notion of that. “No. You’re not wrong.”

“You could be our greatest assets, Gan Ning. You certainly build yourself up that way and those that don’t truly know you admire you to no end.” He considered what he just said and realized that he had inadvertently thrown himself into that group. But it was ultimately true and he pushed onward before Gan Ning could think to put two and two together. “It would be a shame to see your time here wasted and for such an avoidable reason, but how can you possibly expect me to overlook this when I make my report? Lord Quan will want answers and he’ll demand justice.”

He could see the wheels turning in his head. Gan Ning wasn’t smart, but he wasn’t an idiot either. He simply lacked foresight, and hindsight, and perhaps common sense as well. He was a man that thought only with his emotions, and in a way Lü Meng could sympathize. Things were falling into place and Gan Ning was becoming aware of his own mortality despite his best efforts to hide it, and as much as Lü Meng thought he would enjoy seeing him squirm, he felt no such joy and why he didn’t was a mystery he was not willing to solve at this moment in time. 

And yet, in spite of this, he knew that Gan Ning would not beg for mercy, either from him or from Sun Quan. In Gan Ning’s mind, he did not see any error in his actions, which spoke of a mentality that Lü Meng couldn’t even begin to comprehend or want to and thus begging for forgiveness was simply out of the question. He wouldn’t beg for either mercy nor forgiveness, and Lü Meng could almost feel his own resolve threatening to crumble at the thought of him accepting such a grim fate. But then again, he knew Gan Ning a little better than that, and this made him address the matter in particular, “You could try and find employment elsewhere, but I doubt any would take you in. Lord Liu Bei would be mortified by what you’ve done and would send you away- he has no need for murderers in his army, especially unrepented ones. You could fake it, but I’d imagine Lord Zhuge Liang would see right through you and he wouldn’t be nearly as lenient or forgiving as Lord Zhou Yu was or Master Lu Su is.

“Then I suppose you could try Lord Cao in the north, but I’m absolutely certain you’ll be killed on the spot.” Lü Meng knew that Gan Ning was going to mention the Wei lord and he was quick to cover that escape route as well. “Whereas Lord Quan is forgiving, Lord Cao isn’t and the moment he hears of your deeds and knows of your inability to follow orders and work with others, he’ll execute you on the spot. I’m starting to think he has the right idea when it comes to dealing with insubordination.”

“There’s others I can go to.”

“Who? Liu Zhang? His army will be defeated and his land taken over by Lord Liu Bei. The Nanman down south? If you can get past the tigers and rivers- I’m told that if the tiger’s don’t devour you, the rivers will. You could attempt Xiliang, but you’d have to pass through Wei and there’s not a single officer in Wei that wouldn’t recognize you with your famous bells.” Lü Meng waved off every single option as though it were on a list and each possibility, each hope, was crushed before the former pirate’s eyes. Still, he felt no pleasure in any of it. Should he have? Would Zhou Yu have? Gan Ning’s silence urged him to continue, recalling a lesson he had learned while under Zhou Yu’s tutelage. “You could try your luck, regardless of the danger. There’s openings for you, but few, if any, safe harbors. Your best bet would be to simply accept responsibility for your actions and ensure our lord that you’ll never harm another member of the serving staff again.

“In fact, it may serve you better to outright avoid any member of the serving staff again. You can request the rest of yours to be reassigned, to show how serious you are in ensuring your temper never gets the better of you again in their presence,” he said, pressing the advantage now that he had Gan Ning where he needed him. He had a good idea of what he was doing, despite never having done something quite like this before and learning only from what he observed from his teachers. Who better to practice an unfamiliar skill to him than Gan Ning? “There’s always the matter of insubordination that you’ll have to worry about, assuming our lord can look past the first and true offense. You disobeyed a direct order and this isn’t the first time you’ve done so. With no one to speak in your defense, he could easily decide that you’re too much of a risk and could exile you, or execute you, should he fear you’re too dangerous to fall into our enemy’s hands.”

Finally Gan Ning spoke up and the resentment in his voice offered him some hope that he had played his cards right. “And, let me guess… you’re not going to speak in my defense again?”

He knew he was treading a dangerous path. One wrong move, one slip of the tongue, and the consequences down the road could be catastrophic. He couldn’t see the future and nor could he pretend he could. He knew Gan Ning would be vital to Wu’s chances at survival, but he couldn’t say how vital. Others had doubted his proclamation and Gan Ning’s actions recently threatened to kill his own faith, but he had already invested much time and effort in this endeavor. With Wei gathering their forces at Ruxu, Gan Ning’s execution could be disastrous, and he did not wish to take that chance. The dice had been cast and he had already placed his bets. The least he could do was not change the horse in mid race. 

“I shouldn’t, but I will, because despite everything, Wu needs you. Or warriors like you. Wei’s gathering their strength again and it would be devastating to our troops should you be lost by your own hands,” Lü Meng said, raising his lip with a sneer but otherwise careful to remain as stoic and firm as possible. He didn’t wish to sound desperate, because they weren’t. Without Gan Ning, they could find a way, but it would be difficult and he couldn’t deny the troops’ morale would be crushed at the thought of their beloved hero’s execution just before an upcoming battle. He also didn’t want to sound smug because he knew that it would only serve to push someone like Gan Ning away if he thought for a moment that he was being manipulated. He was, for all intents and purposes, but it would be best for him never to realize the depths of it for now. “These are turbulent times and we’re going to need every man and resource we have in the coming fights. Even ones as crazy and bloodthirsty as you.”

He felt he might have gone too far with that last statement, but he couldn’t stop himself from taking such deep shots. Considering what he was willing to do to allow the former pirate to live, he figured that Gan Ning could stand for the insult, assuming he even considered it such. The fact that he hardly flinched at the parting blow confirmed his own fears were for naught and his smile was lacking in the usual smugness that was his default state, giving Lü Meng some hope that he had found the best outcome for this situation all things considered. 

“However.” Before Gan Ning to utter a word, Lü Meng interrupted him, his voice taking a darker and gruffer tone and meaning to strike deeper than any sword or arrow could penetrate, and despite standing at the same height, the former pirate no doubt felt very small as Lü Meng addressed him. “Know that I think very highly of you, Gan Ning, and in doing so, I will be delegating several tasks in your directions, tasks that are otherwise insane, possibly even dangerous. I will be expecting you to jump on those tasks and be the perilous hero that our men believe you to be.”

There it was. Of all the emotions that Gan Ning possessed, blatant fear was one that he seldom saw and he reckoned the soldiers he boasted to never witnessed such a sight. He even reckoned that he was the only one that saw such a thing and while he wanted to feel honored that Gan Ning allowed him to witness it, he was certain that it was more of a slip up than anything else. He gave Gan Ning credit in how quickly he tried to hide this and his recovery was admirable. “What about the whole ‘not order someone to do something you can’t do yourself’ thing? You willing to drop that?”

“And who said I was?” Lü Meng countered, careful not to smile lest he send the wrong message. “I still hold true to that, however, you strike a far more terrifying stance than I do. Your name already strikes fear into the hearts of our enemy and who am I to take that away from you? Use that to your advantage if you must, but I know you’re capable of many great things. Don’t you think so?”

Had Zhou Yu been there, he might have admired his attempt to cater to another man’s ego to encourage the desired response or so he hoped. He might have been critical of the execution and offered him advice afterwards, but for now, it seemed to do the job. Whatever reservations Gan Ning had were chased away and the bolster to his own ego no doubt aided in that. “Heh, you know it. Fine, then that’s that. I’ll ask him to reassign the rest of my servants- I don’t need them anyways. I can serve myself.”

“Good. We’ll get the matter straightened out in the morning.” Lü Meng felt only a fraction of the way fulfilled, but he’d settle for it. The servant’s death would not have been in vain and he would take the measures to atone for it through keeping the former pirate on a tighter leash. It would have to do, he told himself, and he was willing to withdrawn to his home for the night. He knew sleep wouldn’t come easily but he was spent and he longed to end this encounter on a triumphant note, no matter how shaky it was. He bowed his head to the former pirate but said nothing, getting two steps away before he felt Gan Ning’s gaze digging into him. “Yes?”

“Ossan… eh… forget it.”

It took everything in his power not to turn around to face him, but he held strong. He kept his own gaze forward and waited for Gan Ning to say what was on his mind, but once again, his own cowardice seemed to get the better of him. With a huff, Gan Ning left for his own home, the bells growing distant with each step and sparing the general from the chance of a retaliatory strike. A day ago he would have been ashamed to think Gan Ning would do such a thing, but now? He half wondered why Gan Ning didn’t try to kill him and flee. He could always leave in the night, he reminded himself. He could leave tonight and truly, Lü Meng couldn’t blame him if he did.

And yet, a part of him clung to the hope that he wouldn’t leave. Not now, when Wei was gathering forces at their border, when Liu Bei was gaining momentum in the west. Wu needed officers like Gan Ning. Wu needed Gan Ning...


	35. Instilled Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gan Ning's temper uncovers a secret...

It wasn’t so much a prophetic notion that Lü Meng and others were certain of Wei’s intentions of going south as it was simply making an observation. The soldiers that had recently enlisted from Wei confirmed as much, bringing not only their families but words of warning of the strength that Lord Cao Cao was accruing in the north. Their victory at Chibi had sent a warning to the Prime Minister and though they utterly defeated his navy, the generals Sun Zicai and Song Hao were quick to confirm that he had no intentions of allowing Wu a second chance to take them unawares. In their earlier victory, they had succeeded in making their future endeavors against Wei a dangerous game as he was certain not to be taken off guard a second time.

What had sparred Wu from earlier assaults had been Lord Zhou Yu’s presence, though now that their Chief-Commander had passed, it would only be a matter of time before they marched south again. Perhaps Cao Cao and his men thought that Wu would be too devastated to mount a solid defense or perhaps they thought his successors lacking. Whatever the cause, another confrontation was inevitable.

In a way, Lü Meng welcomed it. It made his lord’s decision to spare Gan Ning an easier pill to swallow for most and it served to draw their attention to the real conflict and ground them back into their duty. More men were concerned of the incoming invasion and deflecting it than they were with Gan Ning’s horrid actions and it worked to his advantage. It was a carrion comfort but one he welcomed. 

War was something he was familiar with. It was something he was trained for, and trained well, as arrogant as that might be to admit, and clearly, his lord and Lu Su felt the same way. 

No one openly questioned or argued Zhou Yu decision to proclaim Lu Su as his successor, Lü Meng included. He was knowledgeable of both external and internal affairs (though admittedly his specialty had been diplomatic matters), and no one there knew of Zhou Yu’s plans for the two kingdoms better than Lu Su had. It was an obvious solution, though there were a few that were curious why a manner who favored diplomacy and internal matters was given such a high military rank. He heard whispers of his name among such candidates that those officers had favored but he paid it no mind. Flattered as he might have been, he was grateful for Zhou Yu’s decision and was willing to let the matter be. 

He had his own duties to attend and truly he couldn’t be bothered with such distracting minutia, not when Wei posed such a present threat. He had been one of the officers stationed at their border and thus far been holding strong, but news of Sun Quan’s and others stationed further south making their march north offered some comfort for his growing list of anxieties. 

By the time Sun Quan and the main unit arrived, Lü Meng had gathered several strategies and had them prepared to present to his lord as well as to Lu Su. He hadn’t seen much of his teacher and the current Chief-Commander since Zhou Yu’s passing and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to run these strategies over with him. He was curious with how Lu Su was coping with Zhou Yu’s passing and his own duties, but his own had kept him too busy to send anything his way that wasn’t reports and recommendations. It showed in his demeanor how much he looked forward to Lu Su’s arrival at Ruxu though it confused his men, which in turn confused him. 

Lu Xun, ever his shadow, was the one that enlightened him on the concerns of his men. He used the opportunity that battle preparations presented to address the matter with the young officer and he immediately pinpointed the source of the men’s confusion as they marked key locations on the map. “They feel your authority will be overshadowed once Lord Lu Su arrives and you’ll be pushed aside.”

“Perhaps, but he outranks me and with good reason,” Lü Meng said, dismissing any concern over the matter and feeling foolish for his men to be so caught up in such politics. Still, it showed they cared and that was more than what other generals could say for their men and so he reconsidered his words so that Lu Xun wouldn’t get the wrong idea. “I understand their concerns, but it’s hardly necessary. My input will be looked and and considered, and if he disagrees, then he’s seen or know something I don’t. It’s hardly anything personal.”

The young officer seemed convinced for the most part, but he could tell there was still much on his mind. It wasn’t that Lü Meng wanted to pass off his curious mind, but considering the reports coming in from the scouts, he didn’t want to be caught unawares with the Wei lord’s army suddenly arriving at their doors. Their lord and their Chief-Commander would be arriving at any moment and he wanted to make absolutely certain everything was prepared. “Is there anything else you wish to report or discuss before the war council, Lu Xun?”

“... actually, yes, if you don’t mind?”

Lü Meng fought the urge to huff and kept his gaze on the map below him to spare the young officer from the way he wanted to roll his eyes. “Go on.”

“Sir, many of the men, your men, have been questioning Lord Zhou Yu’s decision to give the rank of Chief-Commander to Lu Su. They understand the decision and haven’t openly argued about it thus far, but with the upcoming fight at Ruxu, they’re worried that a more deserving officer will be overlooked.” 

Lü Meng wasn’t too surprised to hear such a proclamation and it showed when he never slowed down in his actions. He could feel Lu Xun’s tension from here and paid it little mind- Lu Xun always got nervous before a war council and this concerned Lü Meng some. If he was planning on moving up in the ranks, he’d have to overcome this shyness, he thought to himself. He said nothing and motioned for Lu Xun to continue, missing his expression entirely and leaving him unprepared for what was to come. “They’re upset that you weren’t considered for the promotion.”

Now he stopped from his actions and nearly knocked over a chip that was to represent a wall. He caught it just in time and set it back in place but he couldn’t catch his voice before it sprung out. “What?”

“I’m sure they mean no disrespect to Lord Lu Su, but they feel that a more hands on, militaristic general would have been more suited for the title of Chief-Commander.” Lu Xun recoiled somewhat. Lü Meng’s genuine reaction seemed to entice some courage out of him, though perhaps it was the eye contact that encouraged him? He seemed far bolder than he was moments before after the initial shock. “Of course, their opinions might be skewed since they serve under you, but I’ve remained in contact with several other officers stationed throughout Wu and their opinions aren’t so different.”

It was… Lü Meng wasn’t sure what it was. He knew some felt that way but he only pegged it to be biases from his own men. To hear that other officers felt this way… 

“Lord Lü Meng, if I may be so bold…” Lu Xun’s voice was soft, as usual, though the tone was anything but. There was a tinge in it that reminded Lü Meng so much of Zhou Yu though it didn’t paint the young officer in a favorable light. He said nothing but stared into him, and Lu Xun, clever man that he was, carried on. “I feel the same. You’ve already displayed incredibly military prowess and you know the situation going on here far better than Lord Lu Su. Would it not be better for a man of military might to be placed into such a vital role?”

It was a side of Lu Xun he hadn’t noticed before and he had mixed feelings about it. His tone was respectful but the way the words carried and what he said were almost devious. Lord Zhou Yu would speak in such a manner when it was clear that he had something up his sleeve and it was him to thank, as it reminded him of just how much he didn’t know Lu Xun. Lianshi told him one story, but Zhou Yu another… 

“And yet, Lord Zhou Yu’s parting words say otherwise, and I am in no position to disagree.” After what was a painful silence for both of them, Lü Meng found his voice again and he opted to honesty. “He chose Master Lu Su for his knowledge of his two kingdom plan, as well as keeping in good relations with Lord Liu Bei, something that I think many of my own men forgot. His decision should be respected, regardless if others agree or not.”

Lu Xun was not weak. He was shy and he was quick to concede to avoid verbal confrontations, no doubt a trick he learned from his time in the courts. But he wasn’t weak, and Lü Meng would be reminded of such it seemed. “But what if Lord Zhou Yu was wrong?”

Lü Meng was nearly sent reeling from such a question and he knew he’d betray this. He was never good at hiding emotions, especially the negative ones, but he surprised himself by not immediately snapping at the younger officer. His initial response might have been denial of such a possibility years ago, but he had known all too well that his teacher wasn’t infallible. Zhou Yu, was brilliant as he made himself to be, was flawed, and Lü Meng would have been a fool to think otherwise. The constant displays against Zhuge Liang had reflected this and he couldn’t deny it. 

Eventually, he fell back to honesty once more, now more eager to simply bring the topic to a close and return to his duties before Lu Xun threatened to distract him any further. “Even if he was, the decision’s been made, and I have no intentions of taking what isn’t mine to have. It would serve you and the men that feel this way well to push this matter as far from your minds as possible. Our conflict with Wei here is far more important than any political wars going on.”

“General, our lord’s arrived and waits to be greeted.” A soldier stepped in and it seemed right on time. Lü Meng wasn’t sure how much he overheard, if any, but he was wise to not stray from his own task. The tension between the two was thick but blissfully brief, and despite seniority, Lü Meng would be the first one to leave. The soldier bowed and left, leaving Lü Meng to quickly wrap his business and make his way towards the door and it was only after he passed the bowing form of Lu Xun that he reminded himself of the oddity he discovered. 

“Lu Xun, did you chose to study under me or did Lord Zhou Yu place you there?”

Because of the bow, he could not see Lu Xun’s face and so he wasn’t sure what to expect. He did not have long to wait but he made it clear that he wouldn’t leave without an answer. Before either could get lost in another antagonizing bout of silence, however, Lu Xun gave in and his response felt true to the waiting general. “It was of my own will, Lord Lü Meng.”

He knew he should have pushed the matter further, but he couldn’t leave his lord waiting. He accepted the answer for what it was and left his student there, knowing that there was more than he saw but unwilling to distract himself from the threat looming towards them. He’d learn more of his student once they repelled Wei, he told himself. All the more reason to find victory here at Ruxu.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lu Xun didn’t want to admit that he was stumped and nor would he do so freely. Not in front of Zhu Ran especially. The rivalry that existed between the two of them wouldn’t allow for such a drop in guard, as well as the situation itself. And yet, the daylight hours were fading away and night would eventually fall upon them, and still there was no sign of this spell relenting. 

He scoured the area looking for some kind of source of the spell and he looked for any structural weaknesses but to no avail. Magic wasn’t something he or any others he knew were knowledgeable about, especially true magic. Tricks and illusions were one thing, but this clearly wasn’t an illusion. The ice left to those that touched it wouldn’t allow for that theory.

The most he could come up with was that the five talismans that circled the two fueled the spell though any effort to destroy them was left in vein. Blades did not seem to affect them as they would pass right through them, and there was too much rain to attempt to set them afire. Touching them resulted in the same ice-chilling shock that came from touching the barrier itself. Lu Xun didn’t want to admit to anyone, but he was genuinely stumped, and now he was beginning to worry for Lü Meng.

“None of the villagers claim to know anyone that knows magic,” Ling Tong said when he returned from his own scouting mission. He brought blankets and food with him and it didn’t take long to set up a tent outside the icy shield. Not standing out in this rain alone was almost enough to quell his unease but he could only imagine how miserable their Chief-Commander might be if the rain fell within the shield. Ling Tong drew Lu Xun’s attention away from his thoughts, pushing the bowl of rice closer to him when he clearly felt he was neglecting himself. “We could send an envoy out to Wei, but…”

“They’re occupied as it is, and we cannot risk one of our messengers being intercepted by the Shu forces,” Lu Xun said, quickly shooting down that idea. He couldn’t blame Ling Tong for suggesting it but he suspected he knew the risks of it. Zhu Ran had finished his meal early and left to tend to what were meant to be Lü Meng’s duties, leaving the two of them and Gan Ning left with the situation. Lu Xun glanced towards the ice shield and couldn’t stop the wave of pity that hit him when he spotted Gan Ning sitting outside of it, exposed to the elements and outright refusing their inability to solve this problem. He felt shame that he hadn’t thought of a way to reach their Chief-Commander but even greater shame that there seemed to be nothing he could do to comfort the former pirate. 

“What about Zhuge Liang?”

Lu Xun pried his eyes away from Gan Ning’s distraught form and shot a look to Ling Tong, as if surprised to hear him make such a suggestion. It was a dangerous one and surely Ling Tong knew it, but he was more or less surprised why he thought to ask him about it. He curbed his initial reaction and held onto his calm, however, before shooting that idea down as well. “He never summoned the wind at Chibi. He simply knew the season would produce the winds we needed.”

It often surprised him how many in Wu didn’t know of Zhuge Liang’s scheme but it wasn’t something to discuss. Not here, anyways. Ling Tong was willing to accept the explanation at least, and he began to scoop another bowl of rice as Lu Xun helped himself to his own bowl. “Well, that makes more sense now I guess. Zhuge Liang playing us for fools seems like it’s a fun past time for him.”

To that, Lu Xun had no comment. The less they spoke of Zhuge Liang the happier he’d be. Even if Zhuge Liang could summon winds at will, they could not approach him about this, not without exposing their plan. Lu Xun had his reserves still but he kept them locked away in his heart for now. Once they recovered Lü Meng from this trap and once they continued their plan- he snapped to attention when Ling Tong suddenly rose and carried the bowl to Gan Ning and the apprehension he felt in his heart was purely habitual at this point. He tried to stop him, but it was too late.

“Here. You need to eat,” Ling Tong said to Gan Ning and if that wasn’t enough, he practically shoved the bowl into his line of sight. Gan Ning flinched and leaned away from it, but he didn’t accept it. It only prompted Ling Tong to try harder and his voice was unnaturally kind, considering their estranged relationship. “If he comes out of it and sees you wasting away, he’s going to be livid and we’re all going to have to suffer for it. Now eat it.”

Gan Ning could have slapped the bowl away and chased the youth away with a shout, but Lu Xun was amazed by his restraint. He sneered but otherwise kept his hands to himself, turning away from the food offered to him and glaring back at the figure lost behind the icy shield instead. “Get lost, kid.”

“Wrong answer.” Ling Tong was relentless, only bringing it closer and risking a strike. Lu Xun admired his bravery as well as his stubbornness, though it only reminded him of Lü Meng’s own stubbornness and drove his guilt of not finding a solution all the deeper. “Look, I’m only going to leave you alone if you eat, so if you want to get rid of me, you’re going to have to just eat up.”

“I ain’t hungry, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna accept food from you.” Gan Ning snapped, as Lu Xun suspected he would, and equally so he watched as he slapped the bowl from Ling Tong’s hands, dashing the bowl and the rice along the soaked earth. If Lü Meng was conscious and aware of the event, he would have been besides himself with rage to see food wasted, and it was this truth that made Gan Ning’s reaction all the more gutting to them. Gan Ning didn’t follow up on the strike and he turned away again, leaving Ling Tong to gather the discarded bowl. 

Nothing was said between the two and Ling Tong chose the better part of valor, neither snapping back or even uttering a word to the former pirate. He knew as well as Lu Xun did that his concern ran too deep to allow himself food or drink while Lü Meng was in danger. Still, Lu Xun could hardly blame Ling Tong for trying and he admired him all the more for it. He knew Ling Tong was worried but to see him so level headed and calm helped ease his own turmoil in a way.

“Hey, was there something written on this talisman before?”

Ling Tong’s question pulled him from his reverie and it wasn’t long before Lu Xun came to stand besides the officer that now knelt in front said talisman. It was the one at the north of the shield and Lu Xun looked it over, immediately seeing what Ling Tong had noticed. There were words written on the talisman but it seemed that the ink was running off of it and it was only partially visible. 

Gan Ning leaned closer and his confusion was clear to hear and understandable to all present, as they could feel the same confusion circulating through their own minds. “I’ve been starin’ at that thing for hours. There wasn’t anything written on it before.”

“I noticed it when Gan Ning threw the bowl. But it looks like the ink’s running off of it, like someone soaked it in water.”

Lu Xun’s mind swirled with thoughts and possibilities, but few answers. He grabbed the bowl and held it out, letting the water collect from the rain and once it was filled, he flung the water onto the unsoaked parts of the talisman. Anyone that wrote strategies or any kind of writings would have lost their minds to see another commit to such an act and yet they watched as nothing happened. The water simply seemed to bounce off the paper, not at all too surprising considering the weather around them seemed to have no effect on them before. Ling Tong muttered aloud and motioned for the cup. “That’s weird. Let me try.”

Lu Xun surrendered it without fuss and Ling Tong tested it himself, only to come to the same results. They looked at one another and then down to Gan Ning, and once again the bowl was being thrusted into the former pirate’s hands. “Well, go on.”

“I’m not an idiot. I saw what it did with the two of you tryin’ it,” Gan Ning said in protest, refusing the cup but not knocking it aside again. 

“But it might produce different results if you’re the one to do it.” Lu Xun all but pleaded with him and with both of them pressing him, Gan Ning had little choice but to oblige. Too impatient to catch the rainwater, he scooped it from the nearest puddle, the same that the bowl was thrown into, and threw it at the talisman. They watched as the ink spread from the already soaked parts to the freshly soaked and the character written was clear to read even in this low light. Lu Xun spoke it aloud and felt mystified. “Water.”

The other two were just as startled as he was and who better to speak their mind than the former pirate? “Now what the hell is that all about?”

“I’m… not sure. But at least we have something…” Lu Xun didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t sure, and with Zhu Ran now approaching, he would have to overcome that fear soon. This wasn’t something he was meant to solve on his own, clearly, and the one he would have sought counsel from laid trapped behind that shield. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lü Meng tried to will himself to be perfectly still and poised, the perfect example of a statue, but it was a hard task. Today had been filled with surprises and he was still reeling from both Lu Xun’s behavior and now the war council. He had expected not only his lord and several officers to be in attendance, but for Master Lu Su to be present as well. But the Chief-Commander’s absence surprised him, though not nearly as much as the responsibilities of this upcoming battle being placed upon his shoulders. 

Lu Su was attending to pressing internal affairs and dealing with their allies in the west, Sun Quan told him when Lü Meng dared himself to question the Chief-Commander’s absence. He was quick to inform him of this and assured him that Lu Su had the utmost confidence in Lü Meng and the generals attending Ruxu. In a roundabout way, Lü Meng realized that he had been given considerable control over the proceeding war council and the upcoming fight, and how he managed to stop his nerves from getting the best of him after such a revelation was nothing short of a miracle coming from him.

In a way, Lu Xun’s badgering had prepared him for this or so he rationalized to himself. It did not take long for him to carry on with his duties, however, as not even the idea of having such control over his armies could distract him from the approaching threat. No, absolutely no time was wasted in boosting his own ego, as the thought of nearly four hundred thousand Wei officers marching towards Ruxu was hardly the time to stroke his ego.

In all honesty, he was terrified but dared not show it. He couldn’t afford to show it, especially now with all eyes upon him, including that of his lord’s. He focused solely on the approaching threat and the ways they could stand against it, and little by little, his nerves began to untangle itself and he found it easier to push his own suggestions through, even when they conflicted their lord’s desires. 

Lord Quan wanted to erect walls along the border, a good start, but Lü Meng pushed for fortresses instead, despite its longer construction time. Walls would be a decent enough deterrent, but walls could be scaled or destroyed, whereas a fortress could be better maintained and defended for years to come. It would also aid them in having a safe haven to fall back to, should any future offensive endeavors fall through, as they could hole up in a fortress instead of having to flee further into Wu lines. With that reasoning, it didn’t take much convincing to bring his lord and others on board with that idea, especially after he added how much easier it’d be to defend from atop a fortress. 

Crossbows were added to the table and was immediately accepted. It was clear that the upcoming battle would be far more defensive than some of the officers had anticipated though they were wise not to express any disappointment in that matter. After the scouts threw such a large number on the table, there were few generals there that were eager to rush out into a full offensive and Lü Meng was grateful that those that did favor such an attack held their silence. Perhaps none of them wanted to appear bloodthirsty, but none of them openly argued his call for such a strict defense. 

This was not the first time that their opponents intended on coming after them with such overwhelming numbers and immediately everyone’s minds thought of Chibi. Lü Meng would have been lying if his mind didn’t jump to that grand battle, and if anything it only served to help remind him of another concern. Their station near the river would undoubtedly entice Cao Cao to construct a navy (though Lü Meng was certain that he’d learn his lesson from the last time) and the annual floods would only aid said navy. Finding a solution for this problem was simple enough- he suggested they construct docks on both sides of the river for easy access for their own vessels. The annual floods would bring in Cao Cao’s ships but they could block them with their own, and there was no debate as to which army would succeed in the upcoming naval battle. 

The war council had gone relatively smooth with few disagreements or conflicting plans. If any wanted a more offensive approach, they were either immediately swayed to stick to Lü Meng’s more defensive approach or were not willing to argue. Lü Meng could tell that some left the council feeling perturbed but he didn’t push to see what had distressed them so much. All that mattered now was getting the fortresses and docks built and no doubt that’d fall into his hands. Just as well, he figured. He was the one that pushed such strategies and who better to see to them than him? 

And yet, before he could roll up his maps and depart, Lord Quan requested he remain behind to discuss matters further and he had little choice but to obey. He strived to keep his wits about him as the rest of the generals left and before too long it was just him and his lord. 

Lord Quan remained seated, looking over the map that Lü Meng left on the table before him. He was not requested to seat and truly he couldn’t bring himself to. He might faint! None of this anxiety showed on the exterior, however, though why it even existed at all bothered him more than it really should have. His lord didn’t leave him in the dark for long, however, and his smile did little to ease his rampant anxieties. “Lü Meng, I must admit, I’m impressed with your strategies today. When Lu Su suggested you to take a commanding role here, I wasn’t sure what to expect from you, strategy wise.”

What else could Lü Meng do but accept the compliment for what it was? He bowed his head, hoping to hide anything that would have given away his unease and thus shatter any confidence his lord had in him. He did not wish to dismiss his lord’s compliment, but he truly had no idea what to say. Of all the things that Zhou Yu and Lu Su taught him, accepting such pleasantries wasn’t one of them as he scarcely heard them coming from either man. “I aim to please, my lord.”

“And you have, so relax, please. It worries me to see you so high strung like you are.” There was no harshness to his voice nor did it take a commanding tone, but for Lü Meng it may as well have. He almost wished Sun Quan had just made it an order so then he could follow it without second guessing himself. He failed to hide this from Sun Quan and his voice took a softer tone, meant to sooth him though not having the immediate effect that he wanted. “I understand this isn’t something you’re used to, with those who taught you, but it’s alright. Please, have a seat.”

It was still much too informal for Lü Meng’s tastes but he obliged without question. Sitting had actually helped more than he thought it would though some of it still lingered. It was manageable, however, and he forced his gaze onto his lord’s face, surprised by just how genuine his mirth seemed. It wasn’t a mask like Zhou Yu or Lu Su wore, though if it was present then it was nearly seamless, and that was enough to put the edge off of him for the moment. 

“When I pushed you to study, I hadn’t expected you to take it so seriously nor to go as far as you have. And it was wrong of me to think that.” Lü Meng was quick to try and dismiss such a notion, but Sun Quan was quicker than him. “It showed that I myself had not taken you and your resolve to better yourself seriously enough and for that I apologize. I’ve underestimated you, but I have no intentions of doing that again.”

It was something to hear his lord make such an honest confession and he couldn’t ignore the warming sensation in his gut that came from it. He wasn’t sure if he was meant to be flattered, insulted, or perhaps both, but it was an odd and welcoming sensation all the same. He forced himself to speak in something stronger than a mumble. How embarrassing for him, to be able to use his voice to issue orders and strategies but to be rendered a step above a bumbling idiot when before his lord? “No harm done, my lord. Truly.”

“No, perhaps not. I dare think that your unassuming nature might aid us here. There’s no doubt that Lord Cao Cao’s taking advantage of Zhou Yu’s death to make his march south again, and though he would be expecting Lu Su, he might drop his guard entirely when he sees you at the helm.” Sun Quan’s face lit up with a rather dubious smile and Lü Meng immediately caught on to what his lord was suggesting. “As far as I know, no one in Wei is aware of the depths of your involvement at Nanjun and the absence of Lu Su would cause them to drop their guard.”

“Then let’s hope they don’t know much about me to predict our strategy here,” Lü Meng said, feeling his stomach constricting with turmoil but keeping a hopeful smile plastered to his face. It pleased him to see his lord so pleased and made anything he’d have to do worth while. He would build the fortresses and docks with his own hands if he thought it would help Lord Quan, though he didn’t want to sabotage their own chances. He would supervise, but better to leave it to the engineers who perfected their craft. 

“I’m afraid that after this battle that they will.” The young Sun lord sounded confident about that and Lü Meng longed to siphon a fraction of that confidence his lord felt in him. Never once did he think that Sun Quan was building him up though he would never put that against him. A good leader inspired the best out of an individual and that alone justified whatever confidence that his lord was instilling in him. “I have absolutely no doubt that we’ll succeed here, and when we do, I suspect that Wei will learn that Zhou Yu left Wu in the best hands possible.”

And yet, as much as Sun Quan’s words filled him with confidence, he could not ignore the smallest of naggings that arose from his own mind though never once would it break out into the physical realm. He wanted to feel nothing but strength and confidence from his lord’s fiery words as they threatened to rend him asunder from within. He wanted to leave the tent knowing that he did Zhou Yu proud, despite everything, and that might give his soul some peace in the next life. He wanted to feel as though he could take on the entirety of Wei himself. But he couldn’t help but catch what Sun Quan tried to hide beneath that flowery speech.

He noted how Sun Quan had implied that Zhou Yu’s success wasn’t Lu Su but in fact him, and suddenly, those claims that Lu Xun had made earlier in the day had a basis. Other officers could have felt this way and Lü Meng could have brushed it off, but if his own lord felt that way, then what could that possibly mean? 

Perhaps if Lu Xun had not addressed the matter so openly with him before the war council, he might have missed it. Again, he had Lu Xun to thank though he wasn’t sure if it was even the younger officer’s intentions. In a way, he almost wished Lu Xun hadn’t mentioned it. It made accepting Lord Quan’s compliment difficult, and his mind kept shifting back to Lu Su back at Lukou. Had he truly been so busy dealing with their neighbors in Jing, or did Lord Quan not request his aid simply because he found favor in Lü Meng instead? 

He wanted to shut his mind off from the matter and focus only on the words spoken and not what they implied, but Zhou Yu’s ghost would haunt him if he threw all of his teachings to waste. He opened that door and Lü Meng would not dishonor his teacher by slamming it shut. He could, however, throw a veil over that door and tend to it later. For all he knew, he could be thinking too deeply into the matter thanks to Lu Xun’s prodding. 

“My lord, thank you for your faith in me. I will endeavor to make sure none of that faith goes to waste here at Ruxu.” Lü Meng eventually gave in and accepted the compliment, throwing a smokescreen his own turbulent thoughts with the intent of digging through them later. Perhaps once they had the fortresses prepared and they repelled the four hundred thousand strong army heading their way. To think about anything else besides that would be insulting to his lord’s confidence and that was something he had absolutely no intentions of committing to. “I will not let you down.”

“No. I know you won’t, Lü Meng. Now, do not let me distract you from your duties any longer. You’re dismissed.”

He was relieved for the chance and wasted little time. It wasn’t the note that Lü Meng wished to leave his lord on, but it would simply have to do. The storm clouds that were gathering over the horizon served as both a reminder of the limited time they’d have to prepare for the incoming invasion, as well as standing as the perfect manifestation of how he felt on the inside. It was a storm he would simply have to prepare for. Like his fortresses, he would have to weather the storm and endure.


	36. First Pass at Ruxukou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Wei is unable to penetrate Wu's defenses and Lü Meng suggests a crazy strategy at Luijang...

The storm surge that the seasonal rain brought with them had eventually debunked any fears and doubts that some officers had in Lü Meng’s decision to create the docks on both sides of the river. Many of them hadn’t factored in the weather in the upcoming fight but Lü Meng was quick to remind them of how vital the weather was at determining their success at Chibi. Weather was just as much an asset of war as their fortress and the crossbows that would defend it, and it was clear that Cao Cao had learned this lesson well. No sooner had the storm surge rushed the excess water from the Ruxu river to the lowlands did they see the first of what they suspected to be many vessels and there was no need for banners on its bow to alert if they were friend or foe.

If there were any naysayers to Lü Meng’s preparations, they were immediately silenced and those already stationed on the boats along the swollen river were ready to strike, grabbing their weapons and eager to intercept the approaching vessel. No doubt Wei would have known Wu would counter their navy, but they were taken aback by just how much in to the newly formed branch. Lü Meng could see their shock from where he stood atop the fortress walls if he squinted his eyes hard enough and he gave the signal to the crossbowmen stationed with him. Soon they would be in range and he would not toy with their fates this day. 

It was another surprise to the inhabitants of the boat, as they must have assumed Wu would only have built a wall. Never would they have suspected Wu to take the time and effort to craft the fortresses and even when the river’s current lifted their boat into the air, they could not see beyond the fortress’s walls to know exactly how many (or rather, how few) soldiers Wu had prepared. They only saw the general standing at its top and saw only the way his glaive was lifted above his head, lightning reflecting off the blade and only adding to the chilling atmosphere they found themselves spiralling into. Only when he lowered the hilt and tapped it against the reinforced floor beneath him did they see what such an action entailed as they could not see the line of crossbow men standing behind him from the lowground. It heralded arrows and bolts, shooting past his form and adding a deadly touch to the rain that fell around them.

Lü Meng observed from his position as soldiers either fell dead or scattered from the assault despite having little room to maneuver. Some would be injured, others would die on the spot. From this distance, he could see their surprise, the understandable fear that any sane man would feel when confronted with one’s own mortality. 

This would be his first battle where he took such a commanding approach to, an honor that was given to Zhou Yu and Lu Su before him, he reminded himself. He would see conflict through their eyes now and he pondered how truly different an experience it could be.

The distance provided created a barrier between himself and the cornucopia of emotions that often ran rampant with battle. By all means, it should have protected him. From here, he could see the Wei soldiers panicking. He could see those with a solid head on their shoulders trying to command not only the vessel that now careened straight into another death trap but also their terrified brethren. He could see their struggle to resolve their impending demise, but he wouldn’t get dragged into it like he would if he were down there with them. From here, the safety that came with acting as the commanding strategist, he could match the flow of battle, spared from the vortex of death he commanded.

And yet, it made him sick. He watched as the first Wei vessel collided with one of the docks he and his men haphazardly prepared, destroying that small section but with no true consequence as it had been placed solely to slow any boat that would be barreling through. Luck did not favor Wei at this hour, as the impact smashed the rudder and rendered the boat entirely useless. The Wu army stationed on their line of boats below and those standing on the top the fortress walls watched as the river’s currents slammed the uncontrollable vessel around and into the shore, rendering it and the passengers aboard useless. 

There was a round of cheers among the Wu officers though not from Lü Meng. No, he stood poised and ready for the next boat and motioned to the vanguard to move forward. They obeyed without question and the crossbow men prepared for another round, reloading their weapons as another vessel could be seen making its approach. 

In no time at all, they had managed to crush the first of what he knew would be many of Cao Cao’s vanguard and the bulk of it simply came with preparation. In a matter of seconds, he watched a platoon of men either die or be rendered useless and he hadn’t even swung his glaive yet. He wondered how Lord Zhou Yu and Lu Su felt when they watched the first board ignite in flames at the shores of Chibi because he wasn’t sure where his own emotions were right now. He felt pleased to see that their plans and preparations bore fruit so early, but it didn’t stick for long and it had little to do with the next vessel that approached. 

This vessel suffered the same fate as the last though it had managed to get further than the first one had. It barely avoided smashing into the docks but it did not get far before it found itself sandwiched between two Wu vessels, the sturdier wood and superior craftsmanship of the river-faring navy holding out and tearing into the sides of the rushed and shoddily made Wei boat. The officers aboard the Wu vessels did not even have to board to dispatch their enemies, as the boat began to sink and those that tried to board Wu’s vessels for both combat and to save themselves from drowning were met with spears and shields pressing them back. 

Another boat and its passengers dealt with and still the peculiar feeling in Lü Meng’s gut persisted. The third and fourth boat came in rapid succession and had mixed success. One of them collided with the already sinking vessel and threatened to clog the river, only to be plowed by the fourth vessel. Lü Meng was startled to see the metal that lined the bow and had to commend the officer that thought to prepare at least one of their vessels with the steel plating as it undoubtedly meant to destroy any obstacles in its path as well as deflect any flaming projectiles that they thought Wu might send their way. If there were any reserves from the men in the fourth boat in sending their own men to their watery graves, Lü Meng wasn’t looking for it and he sought to put an end to their advance through means of downpouring arrows.

The vessel smashed into the remains of the boat but went no further thanks to its fallen broken. Its front might have been armored but the underbelly was as tender and vulnerable as a crocodile’s and whatever momentum they had gained was halted as water rushed in from below. It might have stayed afloat long enough for the Wei officers on board the Wu vessels had the steel plating they rigged onto the ship not aided in its speedy destruction. 

The remains of the four Wei vessels had crowded the river and it was clear to see that such an approach would bear no fruit for Wei. For a good while, there was no more incoming vessels. Lü Meng suspected that the rest of Wei’s navy was either waiting for a signal to advance or had a scout report their failure and thus held back to reconsider their next approach. He refused to think that Cao Cao would only have crafted four vessels and dare call it a navy, not after his defeat at Chibi. The soldiers waited for his command, noting how tense their acting commander stood. Moments passed and no more vessels came through and there was no sign of movement along the rain soaked land. Wei would be fools to bring their famed cavalry out in this storm though once the rain stopped and the ground dried that they’d have their own fair share of trouble. But for now, the only horses he heard were of those in the stables below and the few that were saddled and ready to ride once an order was given. 

No, the only noise that existed on the waterfront battlefield were the screams of the soldiers that flailed about in the river and the occasional claps of thunder that shook even the sturdy walls of the fortress. There was no further signs of attack, much to Lü Meng’s surprise, but he refused to drop his guard. It couldn’t be this easy, he told himself. “Remain diligent, men! Crossbowmen, keep your weapons loaded and aimed at the river and the shore on the other end. Keep your eyes peeled and your ears sharp.”

None dared question him and the first line of crossbowmen knelt down to reload, allowing the second line to step forward in their place. From where Sun Quan stood, sheltered from the rain and well out of sight and reach of any Wei officers that might have tried to mount an offensive, he nodded his head in approval at their discipline and watched Lü Meng issue orders, his voice loud but never thunderous or terrifying to his own men. “Clear out the rubble of the ships and allow our own navy through. We’ll reuse the wood for supplies and the metal on that one can be melted down for more arrow heads.”

The idea of wasting perfectly good supplies bothered him and he almost regretted just how successful their blockade was. Those vessels could have been useful as a whole, though seeing how easily they were torn apart made him reconsider such an option. Still, recycling whatever supplies they could from Wei’s failed assault couldn’t hurt, and now that left him with what to do with the soldiers that found themselves clinging to driftwood, rocks, and even one another. He could feel their terror even from up here and it did not take him long to figure out a solution, though he felt some hesitation churn in him. What would Lord Quan expect from him? He seemed pleased with his decisions thus far. Would this one tarnish all of that? What would Lord Quan expect of him? How would Zhou Yu have handled such a situation? What would Lu Su had done? 

He had to chase those thoughts away. He had to remind himself that neither man was here and thus such a judgement fell onto his shoulders. He straightened said soldiers and made his decision.

“Fish those soldiers out and bind them together. We could do with a few prisoners.” Eventually, his heart won out and he made absolutely certain to curb any hesitation or doubt in his own voice. He received a few curious looks from below as well as from his lord, but he paid them little mind for the moment. Despite their curious looks, the soldiers obeyed and the Wei officers did not fight or struggle against the ones that began to help them out. Most of them were too numb from both the traumatic experience of their defeat as well as the frigidness of the water and those that did try to fight were immediately overpowered. There may have been a few bodies left in the river and they would serve as a reminder to their comrades that any hopes of defeating Wu in a contest of aquatic prowess was simply a lost cause. Perhaps more so than that would be the navy that Lü Meng would send further up the river to face the rest of Cao Cao’s army. Sun Quan had all but given him the go ahead, nodding his head and failing to hide his bemused smile when Lü Meng looked to him for permission. 

It was all he needed to see. Thus far, all had been going well but he dared not drop his guard. He knew it’d be a fool’s errand to think that Cao Cao would give up his push south at the loss of four vessels and the boats themselves did not hold such a grand number that the Wei lord boasted. While he suspected that such a number he proclaimed to be an exaggeration, he was certain that the bulk of his army remained to be seen and he would feel all the better if they brought the fight a little further upriver. The further they kept Wei away from their home, the happier he’d be. 

This kind of control… it was new to him. He commanded his own soldiers and officers but never was he given control over the vast army like this. It would take some getting used to, he knew, but he had no doubt that he would eventually meld right into the roll if necessary. Participating in a battle that resulted in a soldier’s death had been something he was used to, but commanding such a battle from the safety of the sidelines and watching one’s decisions result in so many others’ life or death?

It terrified him and it shamed him that he felt that way. Where had this sudden change of heart come from? He once thought he had been desensitized to death and he had his own fair share of deaths under his belt. One couldn’t have gotten this far in his career and not have their hands soiled with blood. His hands were fairly red, even by his own admittance, and yet he felt so disgusted at the sight of the bodies that no longer moved and merely floated in the water below him. 

He was terrified of this power he held. Yet he dared not let anyone know. Let them think that he spared those men for practical purposes, he thought to himself. They might be able to offer some valuable intel with enough convincing and like Sun Zicai and Song Hao, perhaps they could be convinced to switch sides. It wasn’t something he had often considered to be a viable solution to breaking down an enemy’s numbers and morale until recently and he was willing to give that theory a test. Anything to where he would not have to see such a grand display of death occurring before his very eyes, by his own ‘hands’ no less, again.

He felt it would be best to hide any of these conflicting feelings for now. His stomach was still twisting in knots with anticipation and Lord Quan’s eyes were watching him, only adding fuel to that inner turmoil. The last thing he wanted was being caught unawares after such a promising start.

~*~*~

Few had questioned the overall success of their acting commander’s preparations at Ruxukou. After the initial attack, there were a few skirmishes that took place between the two combatants, and while Wei might have dominated the use of the lands, they could not cross the river that Wu had now monopolized with well armed and well defended vessels, and those that managed to sneak through were forced to retreat from the raining arrow fire that came from the fortresses stationed along the bank.

As suspected, the numbers that Cao Cao boasted were greatly exaggerated and Wu’s defensive line would not allow for his vanguard to ever dig in for the siege. After only a few exchanges, Cao Cao had little choice but to call his army back. The defenders of Wu watched from the safety of their formidable navy and fortresses as the Wei banners in the horizon began to grew fewer by the hour and it was not long before it was definitively clear that this battle belonged to Wu.

It wasn’t a very fulfilling battle despite its powerful start and if the defenders of Wu were hoping for a grand battle on par with Chibi then they would be mistaken, but for Lü Meng and several others, they were content with news of Wei’s retreat. Wu would be safe, though who knew how long? This question made any notion of a celebration an afterthought and fortune favored the diligent it seemed.

It did not take long before another conflict started brewing. The soldiers they had fished from the river were reluctant to give much after first, but a few days of well-prepared dishes and coaxing had opened them up. Lü Meng tried threats of violence at first but to little luck. Lu Su had sent a suggestion to try honey instead and Lü Meng gave it a try. Bit by bit they started to concede. After a few meals and some gentler speech, they played into Wu’s favor. They surrendered whatever intel they had and were willing to join their ranks, where they were rewarded handsomely (much to the ridicule of a few officers though none sought to openly challenge this, not when they remembered Lü Meng’s advocation of Xi Su). 

The intel these officers provided painted a troublesome picture for any strategist. Their former lord had been planning on building a fort at Luijang in the Wan district and had placed a general named Zhu Guang in charge of transforming the land there into an agricultural base. He also ordered him to connect with the local bandits in the area and thus add more men to their might. To the newly acquired soldiers’ knowledge, Zhu Guang had only managed to build the fort and was in the process of cultivating the land itself, but nothing that seemed of immediate consequence.

And yet, Lü Meng was quick to present this problem to Lord Quan. Within a year’s time, Wei would have increased its forces by a tremendous amount and with the cooperation of the bandits at Poyang, they’d have the start of another invasion and this one would be far more problematic than their fight at Ruxu. So, he suggested they’d press the attack early and capture the land now, before Zhu Guang could get settled in and therefore utilize the groundwork to improve their own supplies.

He received no arguments from any of the advisors in court and he certainly heard none coming from the soldiers and generals still stationed along the border. After Ruxu, he suspected that there were a few that were disappointed by just how little action they got during the fight and the thought of Wu taking the offensive fired them up. Among those was Gan Ning, a man he had purposefully kept leashed at Ruxu if only to ensure he would not attempt to flee or get himself into another situation like Yiling.

Of those that looked forward to a good fight, few could compare to Gan Ning. Lü Meng knew him to be exceptionally bloodthirsty and yet he couldn’t deny his skill. Even what little he was allowed to fight at Ruxu once their navy moved further upstream, he knew he wasn’t holding back and whatever reserves he might have shown elsewhere was lost the moment he was deep into a fight where he knew he’d win. 

So he wasn’t too surprised to see Gan Ning at the forefront of this proposal and seeing him in good spirits did his own some good. Seeing him pumped almost made him want to forget just how cruel and vicious he knew the man to be. Yet, he could not, and would not, forget Bei Fong’s terror stricken face nor his body that was left bound to a tree for everyone to see. 

Perhaps some of this guilt still lingered in his form and had affected him at Ruxu. Gan Ning’s plain and straightforward idea of death and how equalizing it was to him burrowed under his skin and remained there, meant to fester and periodically send agony to its host. Lü Meng had tried not to think too much of the matter of life and death himself as he knew his own feelings on the matter were marred by his own experience. He grew up a peasant with danger lurking all around, where one’s aim to survive could mean another would have to do without, and life as a soldier and general hadn’t been too different. The role a commander hand in one’s life or death was something he himself was still unfamiliar with and perhaps now that he wasn’t staring down at the death and destruction his decisions beckoned, he could look at it deeper and see what it was that caused such an ill feeling.

It would have been easy to blame Gan Ning for it. In a way, his idea wasn’t completely wrong. He might not have had the same upbringing as himself, but he could suspect that life on the harrowing rivers and open seas couldn’t have been that easy. Gan Ning stole, killed, maimed, maybe did worse than that, but he hoped it was more out of desperation to survive beyond the meager means handed to them by the system and not because he was a psychopath and enjoyed such activities. Ever since his own introduction to the Sun family, he knew he had worked alongside those that perhaps once made a living out of attacking his villages or villages like his own, but he never thought much about it until Gan Ning forced him too.

What had made working along former Shanyume bandits and other former pirates acceptable and yet made working with Gan Ning so repulsive? Perhaps it was because he did not see as much pleasure in their eyes as they dove into battle (though he was always more focused on his own fighting and staying alive than that of another’s), whereas he could see such immense euphoria in Gan Ning’s eyes as he struck down one enemy after the other? Perhaps because they hadn’t used such terrifying force against people he perceived to be helpless? What if they had and he didn’t know or unknowingly turned a blind eye to it? 

Or perhaps it was more likely that Gan Ning was simply a different kind of savage from them and he was a fool to think that he had left that occupation out of a desire to want to change and not simply because he sought the stable income that came with the life of a general. Was it unfair of him to focus so much on Gan Ning’s flaws when he knew that few among them were innocent and free from blood on their hands? 

Perhaps, but now was not the time or place for such thoughts, he told himself. Once again he found himself among his peers in the war council, this time summoned to push an early offensive, a far cry from his defensive strategy that gained them victory at Ruxu. Suggestions were already set on the table though Lord Quan hadn’t set his gaze on a single one yet, and the way his green eyes shot to him was a polite warning that he would be expecting to hear from him soon. Gan Ning was still on his mind and the former pirate felt his eyes on him but knew better than to draw attention to himself just yet. He dared not, so long as Lü Meng now had the floor. Even now, there was a fire in Gan Ning’s eyes and it displayed a terrifying figure for him, and it made his musings of a strategy all the easier to present.

“My lord, it wouldn’t do us much good to dig in and go for a full siege, though if we did I have no doubt we’d succeed. It would take up time, time in which Zhu Guang can call for reinforcements. Given the terrain, it wouldn’t take long for Lord Cao Cao to send a unit and it would be problematic to fight off a cavalry while performing a siege. Not to mention we’d risk ruining the land that we’re going to cultivate for ourselves.” He knew he would be ruffling a lot of feathers with this statement but that didn’t stop him from addressing it. He couldn’t allow for such silence, especially if it would save lives and resources. So what if he hurt another man’s feelings? Better to apologize for being offensive than to have to bury said officer because he held his tongue, he figured. Thus far, none argued his point and Sun Quan’s brow knitted, the only outward sign that he was considering his advice and that was all Lü Meng needed to continue. “What we’ll need to do is to capture the fort quickly and efficiently, without the risk of damaging the fort itself, or the supplies within and the lands about.”

“And how do you suggest we do that?” Only now did someone speak out against him and he wasn’t surprised nor upset that it would be Gan Ning. In a way, it was almost poetic that he’d be the one to call him out and Lü Meng wasn’t sure how he managed to stop a smile from breaking his stoic mask. “How you plan on conducting a siege without any siege weapons or damagin’ the fort?”

“We send a single man out to storm the fort’s wall and open the gate from within,” Lü Meng said, choosing his words and tone carefully so that everyone present would know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was being extremely serious. With the way everyone looked at him, though, there was nothing to fear in that. “And that man will be you, Gan Ning.”

He wasn’t sure what to expect from Gan Ning. His eyes grew wide and he swore his eyes would simply pop out of his head, but he had to commend him for holding his tongue. The same couldn’t be said for others and he was prepared to counter their objections as his suggestion was met with disbelief and skepticism. Lord Quan had yet to say anything and Lü Meng took that as a sign to defend his strategy. “They suspect we’ll dig in and they’re likely betting on it. Us digging in and laying the groundwork for a proper siege would take too much time and resources and it’ll give them plenty of time to prepare, or even send out a force to prevent it. If we attack swiftly, they’ll lose that advantage. They’ll expect a large force but a smaller force would not worry them so much and they’ll likely lax their guard. I would not send Gan Ning to scale the wall alone if I didn’t know for a fact that he was capable of the task, and who better to strike fear and despair in the hearts of our enemy than the famous Gan Ning of the Bells himself?”

He wasn’t sure how much of Zhou Yu he had tried to channel in this. Even if he managed to scrounge up a fraction of it, it would have been enough to win some hearts he hoped. He knew that there’d be some disbelief and objections and in a way he welcomed them. He suspected he was too bold to even make such a suggestion and he knew it had to be jarring, to go from one radical strategy to the other. A near strict defensive and then a near insane offensive the next. He imagined the pressure Gan Ning felt to be immense and thus far he was putting on a good show, expelling nothing but the smug confidence that those around him knew him for. Whatever reservations he might have, he hid them well, at least from where Lü Meng was standing. Among those surprised was his lord and he was quick to transform the uproar into barely contained silence as he addressed the general and his strategy. “You’d send a single man to storm the castles alone?”

“I would,” said Lü Meng, revealing nothing but confidence in both his strategy and the man he’d send out to do it. He knew he was feeding into Gan Ning’s ego and he knew others might take offense to what he implied, but he shook himself free of those shackles. It was all or nothing with this group and he accepted this. “I have every bit of faith in Gan Ning’s skills and courage and if there’s any officer here in Wu or China that could do this, it’d be him. We can still have a small assault force accompany him for support and a smaller force could be easier to let in. It’d take us little time to dispatch whatever troops within, especially after they’ve witness a single officer rend their defenses asunder.”

There were still whispers of disbelief clinging to the air around them but they had grown less in volume and intensity. Lord Quan had yet to express his opinion on the matter and that began to gnaw at Lü Meng’s confidence, but his savior came in the form of the former pirate that he was advocating. “Ha, I’ll send them crying back to Wei for their mothers. I’ve scaled ships during typhoons so this’ll be easy.”

Few were surprised to hear such a boast from the former pirate and if anything it seemed to quiet their objections considerably. Lü Meng couldn’t exactly get a read on Gan Ning’s true intentions but he was willing to push it aside for later. Now all eyes were on their lord and the hesitation in his form had all but disappeared entirely, now that Gan Ning was on board with the idea. 

There was much that Lord Quan wanted to say. Lü Meng could tell just by looking at him that there was more he had on his mind and Lü Meng could only wonder what that rather knowing grin was for and what it could entail, but it would appear that he would have to wait until a later time, as Sun Quan refused to expose it for the rest of the war council to see. “It’s risky, but your knowledge and faith in Gan Ning’s skills is unmatched by anyone else here. If you feel so strongly about this, then so will I. Very well. Lü Meng, you will be in charge of the assault force that will accompany him, and the rest will move in once the fort is seized.”

And that was that. Lü Meng held back the impulse to relieve himself with a heavy sigh, not wanting any to suspect that he was worried about his suggestion being rejected or anything of the sort. Maintaining this aura of confidence, both in his own strategies and Gan Ning, was key and he could allow nothing to sully that image. Gan Ning flashed him a grin of his own but he paid it little mind. They would talk more once the council was over and during the debriefing. He knew it couldn’t be avoided, but he welcomed the chance. He knew he’d be asking much out of the former pirate and he wouldn’t have blamed him if he tried to accuse him of sending him out to his death. Given how insane the stunt would be, one would have to assume it to be suicide, but he stuck with his notion and would continue to stick with it. Those that held any doubts in their minds would have such thoughts cleared in the morning, he told himself, and perhaps then, he could finally put his own doubts to rest. 

It may have been years in the making, but Gan Ning would earn his keep, he told himself. He would remind Wu as to why he and Zhou Yu had worked so hard to ensure that Gan Ning remain in their services or why his previous actions and behaviors were tolerated. Perhaps it was a petty reason for him to push for such a strategy, but Lü Meng held true to his beliefs and this was likely why no one tried to object. 

Even if they did not trust in Gan Ning’s skills and prowess, they could trust in Lü Meng’s faith. If faith alone could aid Gan Ning and capture Luijang, then the battle might as well have been won.

He had to give Gan Ning credit for keeping his calm until the end of the meeting. Once everyone had departed and he caught Lü Meng alone, however, he was surprised the former pirate hadn’t simply taken the opportunity to drive one of his daggers in his back. The gleam in his eyes were sharper than any dagger Lü Meng thought could exist and yet he didn’t fear for his life when Gan Ning grabbed the loose garments around his neck and thrust him against the nearest tree the moment they were alone. He should have, but the thought of fear never once crossed his mind, even when Gan Ning’s hands were dangerously close to his throat. “Have you lost your mind, Ossan?! Are you trying to get me killed?”

“Keep it down or others will hear you,” said Lü Meng in a harsh whisper, knowing that he was treading dangerous waters but aiming to keep a firm control of his voice and the situation he found himself in. He couldn’t blame Gan Ning for his anger nor was he angry at his reaction, but like hell he’d let him screw things up with that temper of his. “Unless you want others to suspect the worst of you.”

It felt dirty and underhanded to pull his flaws out before him or even threaten to do so. The look Gan Ning gave him was enough to tell him that he had hit a nerve and after the flack he gave him, he should have felt pleased with himself. No, it wouldn’t have avenged either Ling Cao or Bei Fong’s deaths but seeing such fear now should have had a positive effect on Lü Meng’s spirit. Yet, he felt nothing of the sort, which only made him wonder if there was something inherently wrong with him. He sought to fill the silence Gan Ning left, making absolutely certain to keep his voice low and level so that they wouldn’t draw any more attention to them or else any faith others might have in his strategy would crumble before his eyes. “Gan Ning, I meant every word I said in there. You know that, don’t you?”

Gan Ning sneered but he seemed to lose his words. In the former pirate’s eyes, he no doubt assumed that this was all just a scheme to get him killed. To Gan Ning, this may as well have been an act of revenge disguised as a risky as hell strategy. It did offer him some solace on the matter that Gan Ning was so willing to take him seriously and not just blow him off as he once did, but the cost of it was too great, even for him. Of all the times for Gan Ning to get self conscious and humble, now was NOT the time!

“You sound so sure,” Gan Ning said with a sneer, but at least his voice softened somewhat, taking Lü Meng’s advice and trying to spare himself some dignity. It didn’t lessen the grip on his shoulder in the least, but it dulled the daggers in his eyes and in doing so exposed a side that Lü Meng never thought he’d see in the former pirate. In the wake of perhaps the greatest compliment that Lü Meng, or anyone really, could have given the man, he appeared humbled, meek even, and it took everything for Lü Meng not to smile as he knew it would only serve to belittle such a drastic change in him. “What if I fail?”

“You won’t fail.” Only now did Lü Meng offer a smile, and he countered Gan Ning’s grip with one of his own, closing his calloused fingers around his but not pulling it away. It was meant to offer assurance and stability and he brought no attention to how he felt the slightest tremble behind its fierce grip. Confidence was something that he didn’t think was ever in short supplies when it came to Gan Ning but he wouldn’t belittle him for having such human concerns, not when he himself had benefitted from another instilling confidence into him not too long ago. “If you know anything about me, you’d know I’m a terrible liar and you know I say everything on my mind, regardless if it needs to be said or not. I wasn’t lying or exaggerating any of that back there, and you know that.”

Gan Ning’s grip grew slack and he eventually released Lü Meng, but he could tell that he wasn’t convinced. It was much to take in and any normal man would have balked at the thought of making such a daring charge alone. Except, he wouldn’t be alone, and he was quick to try and remind him of such. “I know what you’re capable of, and soon, all of Wu and Wei will know. Here’s your chance to leave your mark in history and to shut up any officer foolish enough not to know to tremble with fear and awe in your name. You’re the only one that can pull off a stunt this crazy, and who better to witness it than our lord?”

He could have pushed it further, but he had a feeling that Gan Ning was on board. Whether it was the genuine confidence he felt emanating off of Lü Meng or the gentle stroking of his ego, Gan Ning was growing comfortable to the idea. His usual, smarmy and smug aura returned though it was a little different than before. It was tolerable to take in. Finally, he conceded, letting out a spat as he finally freed Lü Meng from his wrath entirely. With how fast he recovered, it was almost as if he hadn’t lost himself at all and Lü Meng was alright with this for now. “Fine. Then I’ll give them one hell of a show, if you promise to hold a grand feast in my honor.”

“Assuming Lord Quan doesn’t beat me to it? It’s a deal.”

He had a feeling that he was only creating a monster but the thought passed in and out his mind with little to no consequence. Gan Ning was already a beast of a warrior, and all he’d be doing is unleashing him onto their enemy. A far cry from the subliminal horror he felt at Ruxu when he saw his strategy’s death toll, but with one man to storm the walls and force the gate open, perhaps he could reduce that number.

What a terrible time to grow a conscience, he thought to himself with a bitter chuckle.


	37. Dropping the Shackles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng unleashes Gan Ning and lets him wreak havoc at Luijang Fort...

The dawn brought a list mist and the ground was still wet with dew when sentry caught sight of the approaching Wu forces. If Wu had been going for stealth then the clearly missed their chance as their banners cut through the light mists and the chorus of the horses and soldiers was not loud but could not be masked. Zhu Guang made it to the fort’s walls the moment word reached him and he aroused the troops. 

Men were still clammering out of bed by the time the Wu forces came to a halt just beyond their archer’s range. Lü Meng chose this spot specifically so that Wei would receive no aid from the wind this day. It would do them little good if nature helped in guiding a single arrow to their secret weapon, he thought was a dry smile. 

The morning air was thick with anticipation and thus far the Wei officers hadn’t called out to ask for the other army’s intentions. It would be a fruitless endeavor. Though they did not bring any visible siege weapons or ladders, they were armed with swords, spears, and pikes. Gan Ning stood different among the crowd, not in the sense that his horse was brightly decorated or that he carried a banner with him. His attire stuck out, as it was lacking both a chest plate and a helmet, something any reasonable general would wear. His tattoos were clearly visible and more decorated than any banner could be and the goosefeathers that decorated the bows in his quiver and hair were easy to see as their pink tips contrasted his unkempt auburn mane. He didn’t carry a sword or spear with him and the only weapons that were visible on his person were the bow strapped to his waist and the chain-linked mace that wrapped around his unarmored chest twice over. The officers of Wei couldn’t see the daggers that were strapped to the former pirate’s boots nor the curved sword that was tied to the belt behind his back. If they had, they might have realized exactly what storm was heading their way and would have prepared.

Seeing their confusion, Lü Meng ordered the attack. The element of surprise was theirs to have and Lü Meng wouldn’t allow for a single moment of it to go to waste. He didn’t even look at Gan Ning, the man that might as well have been a walking weapon at this point. If Gan Ning were to change his mind, he missed his chance and so he could only assume that the resounding silence he heard from Gan Ning was a sign of his consent. “Go. Do what you do best.”

And with that, he released his grip and unleashed Gan Ning completely. A dog might have expressed momentary confusion before rushing forward at the freedom given to them. A horse would have waited patiently until his owner slapped his flank or gave a shout to startle it. Gan Ning shot off like a wolf. His gaze was set forward, ears and tail erect, and his teeth were bared. Untamed and uncontrolled, relying purely on his own instincts and skills, the former pirate kicked his horse into action, ignoring its startled balk and guiding it towards the fort.

It did not take long for Zhu Guang and his men to figure out what was going on, but by then, it was already too late. The archers, who had their arrows aimed at the Wu assault force and the officer they suspected to be their general, had to alter their target and by then Gan Ning was in full motion. No matter how good the archer was, a moving target was a difficult one to catch and there was no wind to help them. Arrows rained down but finding only the ground behind the charging target and that was Lü Meng’s queue to play his part. 

Gan Ning may have been chosen to rush the walls on his own, but he would remind the former pirate and Wei that he was not alone. Gan Ning would never have shown any fear or hesitation in front of the others, but who knew how long that might last? Morale was vital to victory and Wu had no choice but to be victorious this day. There was no backup plan. There was no coming back later. There could only be victory and he had to remind his men of this. 

War drums were utilized for various reasons throughout battle. It could signify intentions, battle conditions without the need to pass messengers through one force to another. With a good set of war drums, one could call for an advance or call for a retreat. Another function of the war drum was to unnerve their enemy and raise their own morale and Lü Meng had every intention of doing both. He wouldn’t settle for issuing the orders to the soldier stationed near the war drum. Instead, he held out his hand and the sticks were handed over to him graciously and he wasted little time, beating them against the taut surface and making damn sure that everyone would hear them. 

For Wu, it signified their faith in their brave officer as they would cheer with the beat of the drums. For Gan Ning, it signified that friendly forces were nearby and that they stood behind him, should the impossible happen and he’d fall. For Wei, it signified that their enemy stood united against them and only served to add to Gan Ning’s gallant charge, the horse’s hooves beating against the earth in perfect rhythm of the drums that his commanding officer pounded. Arrow after arrow missed their mark, some getting close but their target could not be caught. When Gan Ning pulled the chains from around his chest and began to swing the weighted end around, Zhu Guang’s panic increased tenfold and his screams were barely heard, even to his own men along the rooftop. “Stop him! Stop him right now!”

But he couldn’t be stopped. Gan Ning’s blood red eyes were set firmly ahead and the encouragement he felt from Lü Meng and the rest of the assault team were his life force. Alone, perhaps he couldn’t do it, but with so many eyes feasting on him and so much energy coming from those watchful gazes, he held no doubts, no fears. He looked at the fort ahead and knew exactly what he needed to do to get himself up. The charge was the easiest part. Running forward at a breakneck pace and relishing that their archers couldn’t think to aim ahead of their moving target was a walk in the park. Once he reached the walls and began to climb, that’s where the hard part would come in, but he showed no fears, no hesitations. He told no lies when he claimed to make such boarding attempts and scaling a wall, even one filled with archers and soldiers, was far easier than a boat that rocked along the waves. 

Any sane person would have stopped their horse and jumped from the saddle, but Wei was beginning to think their lone assailant wasn’t very sane. With the chained mace swinging over his head, Gan Ning stood on the saddle and bound off the horse’s back while it was still in full gallop, bypassing the wooden spikes specifically meant to prevent such assaults as this. From where Lü Meng stood, he couldn’t deny how his heart nearly came to a grinding halt at the sight of which the officer lunged at the wall, but any fear of him breaking his own neck was quelled when used every bit of momentum and lift from the leap to throw the weighted ball upwards and over the ledge. 

Soldiers moved instinctively as none of them wished to suffer such a grievous wound and they watched as it dug into the wood. The hooks might not have been long but they dug deep into the ledge, and the added weight of their attacker only helped to anchor it in. In a twist of his body, he managed to dig the anchor in, securing himself to the wall and ensuring that if any of the soldiers tried to fish it out, they’d have to fight for it. 

He counted on Zhu Guang to focus more on the approaching menace than the anchor and his gamble paid off. Zhu Guang was far too panicked to think of allowing a single one of his archers to pull away from their duty and his cries rose in pitch when Gan Ning practically ran up the wall towards them. “Kill him! Somebody kill him!”

Lü Meng never ceased in his task, even as he watched the scene play out before him. Despite his own faith in the former pirate’s skills, he could feel his heart steadily climbing up to his throat and he feared others might have been on the verge of losing their own nerve. He shouted above the drums, his voice just as thunderous and carrying just as far. “Take heart, men of Wu! Behold his courage! Witness their fear and take courage from it! He cannot be stopped, and neither can we, us men of Wu!”

It should have been impossible to hear such words from this distance and yet with the ferocity of Gan Ning’s assault, they swore he did. He took such words to heart and if anything, his scale up the wall had been doubled in speed, much to the dismay of the Wei officers. Gan Ning twisted about and swung along the chain, dodging arrows and closing in on his target. From the terror on Zhu Guang’s face, one could only imagine how savage the gleam in the former pirate’s eyes as he closed in on the kill. Lü Meng watched as Gan Ning flung himself over the edge and soared over the archers’ heads, stunning each and every one into inaction as he landed in front of the Wei general. Few could blame the general for turning to flee but it did him little good. In only took a few strides before Gan Ning caught up with the man, pouncing him in mid run and sparing him from the daggers on his boots or the sword that hung from his waist. His death would come from the ground below, as all it had taken was a single thrust and down Zhu Guang went, his death quick and merciful as his neck snapped upon impacting against the earth below. 

The sight of the general’s deaths struck an irrational fear in the hearts of the soldiers atop the fort walls but inspired a thunderous cheer from the Wu officers that watched the feat. By then, the pounding of the drums ceased and Lü Meng returned to his mount, preparing his men to charge in. Gan Ning wasted little time in celebrating his deed and bolted for the gate controls. By then, his cutlass was drawn and ready for a fight, but the soldier in charge of the gate’s security had fled his station, leaving it unmanned. All that was needed from Gan Ning was a single push of the lever and down the gate fell. By the time the Wei officers atop the wall had regained their senses, the assault force was now charging into Luijang, swarming in like a tidal wave and moving with the same efficiency and tenacity as their comrade had. He was an inspiration to them now and what choice did they have but to find victory this day? 

To do otherwise would make all his hard work go to waste and that was something no man present wanted or could afford…

~*~*~

By the time the sun reached the middle of the sky, Wu’s victory was all but solidified. Those that survived the fight had either managed to retreat or found themselves bound with their fate to be determined at a later time. Lü Meng was quick to check his unit and delegate tasks to them, most of which involved taking stock of inventory and seeing to the preparations for the coming years’ harvest.

To give the now late Zhu Guang credit, the man had certainly put much thought and attention to his lord’s plans on cultivating the area, as there were already many things set in place. There’d be relatively little that they would have to do besides defend the newly obtained territory and in a way, it almost made him feel guilty to have taken away someone else’s hard work. 

“I had wondered if such a thought ever crossed your mind,” Zuo Ci said, pulling Lü Meng’s attention to him as the world around him came to a sudden stop. Everything was still and now he found he was looking upon himself. It was a peculiar experience and it threatened to drown out anything that the mystic was trying to say to him even when he stood but a few feet away from him. “I must commend you. Most men wouldn’t have even considered such a thought, much less feel guilt towards it.”

“Not really.” Lü Meng felt compelled to say though he was far too distracted by inspecting his former self to really want to go into detail. It was only six years ago and he could see such huge physical differences between now and then. Before he had been caught up in the moment and the flow of time for a general at war hadn’t allowed for him to witness its passage, but now when time was standing still? He could see all the hard lines that would become wrinkles and the darkness under his eyes had bespoke of hours spent wide awake at night spent studying instead of laying in bed with his wife. No where did this age show more than his eyes, though, as though the Lü Meng of the past was currently in a contented mood, one could see the toll of the years that reflected in them, the right eye a lighter tint thanks to the film that was building within it. It didn’t show much now, but in a few years time, it would become a blot and a popular debate among his soldiers as they would inevitably question its function later on.

He did the math in his head and concluded that he was but thirty five at the time, but war and perhaps even the life he had before he snuck aboard Deng Dang’s company had a way of adding to those years. He lamented this with a sigh and couldn’t stop himself from muttering. “Heavens… I do look like an old man!”

Zuo Ci cleared his throat and forced Lü Meng’s gaze back to him and he had to search his memory to figure out what they had been discussing before his vanity commandeered his thoughts. At least Zuo Ci was kind enough to offer him a hint, holding a hand behind his back and playing the part of a curious bystander all too well for Lü Meng’s liking. “You seem to think most generals consider the ramifications and morality of their actions, Chief-Commander. I’d love to know why you think that way, when you’ve surely seen others turn a blind eye so quickly in lieu of the profit to be had.”

“Then you’ve been looking at all the wrong people for too long.” Lü Meng didn’t beat around the bush, forcing his gaze away from his old self before he could succumb to this growing sense of contrition that came with looking at his past self. He had grown wiser, of course, but the cost was never more obvious and he couldn’t help but feel his vanity want to weep. The only thing one could say he improved was in his weight, but even that was a strike against him now if one considered the cause of his slimmer waist. “Most officers I know do care for the ramifications of their actions and think of who would be the most affected by their actions. Just not all of them are willing to pass up an opportunity to entertain these hesitations. After all, if nothing’s ventured, then nothing’s gained.”

“But at what cost? At whose expense? Given your upbringing, one would think you’d be the first to consider these thoughts, or have you forgotten your origins so soon after gaining a taste of acquiring someone else’s bounty?” 

Lü Meng sneered but held his tongue for the moment. The Lü Meng of now understood what Zuo Ci was doing, but the one of the past, the one that stood alone in the storage room to access his victory and its cost? He felt overwhelmed and was grateful that there was no one around him to see his conflicted emotions that ran rampant. His mind didn’t go to the Wei officers they had just defeated within only a few hours of combat, but to the men that worked the fields and now feared what these invaders in red might do. To them, the best scenario would have been to simply have their allegiance change and the officers of Wu could leave them be. The worst? To be driven out, or death.

It wasn’t a fate that would be bestowed upon them, Lü Meng thought with determination. He couldn’t imagine Lord Quan issuing such an edict, even if they sought to defy him. They would be better put to use in the fields, cultivating the lands, than to be driven out and replaced. The relocation of the farmers in the south would be a costly expense and who would better know of the dangers and how to prepare for them than the ones who already made a home here in the Wan district? 

He could discuss the matter with his lord and offer suggestions. He had to remind himself that he had more power now and more sway in his words- after this, how could he not? 

“Yes, I can see it starting to form now,” Zuo Ci said with a dry smile and Lü Meng glared at him but did nothing more. He knew what he was talking about and he couldn’t deny it either. He could feel it formulating in his chest, reliving the sensation that was beginning to take root within his conscious and spread bit by bit. The Lü Meng of the past merely thought it to be confidence, but he knew what it was now and was ashamed to not have recognized it sooner. “A late bloomer but there’s no denying that it’s there.”

He spoke of his growing ego and he let out a spat, though there was no denial in his voice. Only bitter acceptance. “You knew it’d show up eventually, though, didn’t you? Never thought of it that way, though.”

“Yes, a late bloomer it may be but it does not detract from its growth once it starts to sprout. The late Lord Sun Ce purchased the lands and left it for Deng Dang and Ling Cao to sow. Then, the seed was planted by Lord Zhou Yu, where it was nourished and watered by others. Lu Su, Taishi Ci, your student Lu Xun, and even your own Lord Quan. It has always been there and only now has it started to bear its fruit.” Zuo Ci had been circling him this entire time but Lü Meng paid it little mind. It wasn’t until he stopped that he felt compelled to look at him though it wasn’t so much the sudden motion shift but the words that followed it. “But at what cost?”

This made the general hang his head, even when nothing could hide his shame. Even as foolish as he once was, he should have always considered the costs and this oversight did more than pain him. It burrowed beneath the skin and dug in deep, leaving a wound that could flare up again without warning but was in too deep to remove without harming the host. One could have gone into each situation hoping there’d be no cost or could fool themselves into thinking that they found the perfect workaround. 

The younger Lü Meng clearly believed this and he wanted to punch his younger self for it. Perhaps he’d be allowed to do so, but he was certain there’d be consequences for such actions so for the moment, he simply sat on his hands. Interacting with one’s past self, even if it might have all been an illusion, wasn’t a good idea and even the simplest of men would know that. 

“Sometimes the cost is immediate and truly those are the most blessed,” Zuo Ci said, stepping away from the world around them and fading into the darkness once again, his voice drifting further and further away despite the foreboding message he carried. “Those that take months, years, to manifest… those are the most cursed, wouldn’t you agree, Chief-Commander Lü Meng?”

He didn’t need to say a word. Zuo Ci knew his answer and why it was so. Now he was nothing but a cat that had his prey cornered, every opening left before the rat would lead only to death by claws or fangs. A wiser rat would not take such openings and instead wait it out. He would play along and wait for an opening, a true opening, or make one for himself. Right now, the cat was too formidable and the rat, though wise, was crippled… it would be foolish to make a move now. So for now, he played along, hoping that the cat’s curiosity would buy him a little more time. “Those are the worst.”

~*~*~

Lü Meng was a man of his word, as no sooner had their lord and the rest of his strikeforce arrive were preparations made for Gan Ning’s feast. One would have never thought that the fort at Luijang had ever once belonged to Wei or that there was ever a battle contesting who it might have belonged to, as it took little time for Wu to fit it to their needs. Within an hour of Lord Quan’s arrival, tables were set and a top them were an assortment of the best food and wine that Lü Meng found in storage.

He had never prepared such a large feast before, much less act as its host, but it was a fair trade when one considered the insane feat that the man the feast was for pulled, this had to be but a walk in the park. And at least he wasn’t alone, as there was plenty of eager hands about, including his wife (who had once again made a point to accompany them, this time with all three sons and even their dog in tow). He didn’t even bother asking why she followed them this time around if only to welcome the additional hands and input she had to offer. He could entertain a guest and he was fairly adept at cooking, but Ren could only make it all the better.

The benefit that came with hosting a feast with soldiers and generals as guests was that they were easy to please. So long as their glasses were capped and their bellies full, they were happy, and none were happier than the former pirate himself. He sat in the guest of honor section at the front of the table, his cup forever filled and praises were being flung at him left and right. Whatever monetary reward that Lord Quan had prepared for him was nothing compared to the complete and utter adoration of the soldiers that surrounded him now. If praise was Gan Ning’s substinance, then he had more than enough to squirrel away and live out the rest of his days in peace.

All was well with Lü Meng in that aspect. He didn’t have much of a chance to talk with the former pirate once the siege was over and by the time he finally found a lapse in his duties, there was little opportunity for him to do so, not without having to fight his way through the horde. Let Gan Ning have his moment… he earned it and there wasn’t a single person that could deny it.

Just as quickly as that thought came to mind, a name sprung up in his memory and he found himself looking for Ling Tong. It didn’t take long to find the young general, arms crossed and sitting alone, nursing a cup of wine and a sour glaze in his eyes as he glared at the man of the hour. Guilt swept over Lü Meng like a tidal wave and how he remained standing was beyond him.

At least he wouldn’t be alone in his thoughts as he heard a distinct snorting, which heralded the impending arrival of his wife as their dog was seldom seen away from her or the children. He had his affections for the man that pulled him out of the river, of course, but the pug he brought home had all but attached himself to Ren’s legs and lap, when accessible. No sooner did he spot Baozi trotting towards him did he see his wife, carrying a heavy looking jug in which she was no doubt running low on and was distributing whatever was left to the already inebriated soldiers. He grabbed the jug from her hands before it or she could spill over and the way she puffed her cheeks with annoyance almost chased away any ill feelings he had been clinging onto as she huffed. “You make it look so easy. Perhaps you should distribute the wine from now on.”

“I’d be happy to.” Already he was busy trying to calculate how much they had left in storage and pondering if it’d be enough. He was already considering who to cut off before they could make real fools of themselves and Gan Ning might have been considered among them though he retracted the thought quickly. That could only end in disaster! He grabbed for the jug but Ren hadn’t let go and he flashed her a curious look, only now noticing the sternness in her gaze.

“You’re brooding.”

He considered her accusation and immediately fired back, despite knowing that there’d be tremendous evidence stacked against him. “No I’m not, I’m just thinking and calculating, that’s all.”

“For you, it’s sometimes the same thing. This is just as much your victory as it is his,” Ren said, tilting her head towards the man of honor though her warm gaze never left her husband’s form. She surrendered the jug to him if only to rest her hands over his own and though she could not reach beyond the wine that separated them, the gentle squeeze was a fair surrogate for a kiss to the cheek. “You should take the time to enjoy it, too.”

He knew she was right and he tried to relax his spirit, but it was simply impossible. There was too much responsibility on his shoulders to allow for him to simply sit back and relax, and not all of it dwindled down to the feast. There were duties once the party was over that he would be expected to attend to but even that took a back seat in his long list of things to do (though it was keen to shout at him every so often just to remind him that it was there and had absolutely no intentions of going anywhere else.) And then there was the matter with Ling Tong that bogged him down and just thinking about him chased away any chance he might have had of enjoying himself here. Still, there’d be no point in arguing with Ren or bringing any unnecessary attention to it. 

“Ling Tong looks absolutely miserable.” And yet, his wife was either perspective to notice the cause of his dismay or could clearly read her husband’s mind. Not that Ling Tong did anything to hide his misery as it was clear to see even from this distance. Ren never lost her smile as it vital in keeping up with the high spirits around them and a host never should be the one to sully it, but Lü Meng could tell that she was sympathizing with the young officer and could hardly blame her. “He looks like he could use a friend to talk to…”

He felt the same, but his own guilt held him back from approaching the youth. If Ling Tong had been the selfish type or even the jealous type, he’d find it easy to approach the youth and lecture him for his rotten attitude, but he and everyone else knew better. He should have been addressed, or even acknowledged, but no one was brave enough to approach him. The thought struck him as both humorous and pathetic that most men were courageous enough to stand against a large and formidable army but not a single one willing to bridge the distance that Ling Tong placed between himself and others. 

He felt his wife’s eyes drilling into him and didn’t need to question what she was doing. She just handed him a great opportunity and his studies wouldn’t allow it to let it go to waste, even when he suspected it wouldn’t offer much help in this situation. “Wine’s the best icebreaker in these situations, I find. Thank you.”

She flashed him an approving smile and disappeared back into the crowd, calling for Baozi as she did so. The pug had been standing at Lü Meng’s feet diligently, his buggy eyes looking towards the officer in question and was merely waiting for the order to be given. Lü Meng was tempted to send Baozi out to Ling Tong, but he had some reservations. At this rate, the dog’s loud breathing and insistent pawing might do more to aggravate him than it would help and like hell he’d hold back on knocking some sense into Ling Tong if he dared struck at his wife’s dog. 

Baozi hesitated for a moment but gave a loud snort and trotted after Ren, as though sensing his own limitations and fleeing from the awkward position his master was now it. That hardly helped Lü Meng’s own dilemma but he pressed on, his own nervousness causing him to project his voice a little too loudly for his own tastes and hardly blamed Ling Tong for flinching at the volume. “You’re running a little low there. Here, let me top you off.”

“I can help myself…” Ling Tong sneered but otherwise didn’t shy away or move his goblet. Begrudgingly, he accepted the boon and barely waited for Lü Meng to pull up on the jug before pulling his cup away and chugging it down. The general half expected the poor man’s taste buds to be dead by now to accomplish such a feat though once he slammed it down, he could see him fighting the urge to wince and gasp and he could only commend him for his indomitable will in that aspect. Nothing was said for a few seconds, compiling to the awkwardness between them and almost chasing the general away, before Ling Tong cleared his throat and pushed the goblet closer to Lü Meng to signal for another. “But… I’ll take you up on your hospitality. Only thing worth enjoying about this whole thing anyways…”

Lü Meng couldn’t help but catch the undercoat of aggression in that statement but tried not to feel offended. He scoffed, even as he filled his cup. “As though the victory we’ve gained here wasn’t worth celebrating…”

“Don’t you mean ‘his’ victory?” Ling Tong asked, putting so much venom in the word his that Lü Meng swore he could see it drip from his lips, and if anything it only seemed to add flavor to the wine the young man consumed. He snatched his cup away and gave Gan Ning such a glare though it was lost as the former pirate was far too busy indulging himself in tall tales to notice. “Don’t try to hide it. We all know this celebration’s for him.”

“You’re wrong,” Lü Meng said, watching his tone. He wanted to be firm with him, but at the same time, he wanted to give him some warmth and compassion, something he feared he’d been severely lacking in for his fellow man. With anyone else it was a fine line but with Ling Tong, it was definitively thinner and more perilous. “It’s our victory as much as his. This army just isn’t about one officer, but many working as one.”

Ling Tong didn’t buy it. Lü Meng could clearly see that he wasn’t convinced and he was hardly surprised to hear his confession. “It’s funny, really. I was hoping when you sent him out on his own that it was all a clever ruse… you know, to get him killed, to pay back for… you know… the ones he killed. Make it look like a regular casualty. You’re sneaky like that… that’s how you’ve become, anyways.”

And he let out a wavering sigh, trying to expel his bitterness but to no avail. He pushed the unfinished wine away and looked away, as though even having Gan Ning in his line of sight, even the corner of his eye, was enough to trigger another fit. It did nothing to filter his anger and disgust, though. “But you’re too honest. You always were, though… so I guess I only had myself to blame there.”

Lü Meng set the jug on the table and grabbed an emptied cup to help himself. He’d been so busy hosting that he hadn’t a chance to indulge for himself and after Ling Tong’s confession, he certainly needed a drink. “Sorry to disappoint, then.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” said the youth with a dismissive snort. “You’re not sorry. Not for that.”

It hadn’t been the first time someone outright denied his apology or the sincerity of it, but somehow coming from Ling Tong left it’s mark. It must have shown, as eventually Ling Tong turned back to face him despite how it put Gan Ning back into his sights. “Look, I get it. You think he’s important to Wu, and maybe he is… it’s about time he’s pulled his weight, right? Still, you can’t say you’re sorry that he didn’t get killed… because if he did, then what would you have done? Stormed the walls yourself?”

Lü Meng stood there in silence for a few moments, struggling to keep a passive expression on his face though he knew him to be failing. Ling Tong’s misery was too deep for him to combat here, especially alone, and the cowardice in him begged him to simply turn around and leave the youth to his misery. It would have been easy to abandon him, and yet, that was why he knew he couldn’t. Even when he heard someone ask for where the wine was, he ignored them and pressed forward, bridging the gap Ling Tong placed between himself and the rest of the world with a firm hand on his shoulder. Ling Tong flinched and grew stiff under his touch but he didn’t object or pull away and that alone helped bolster his own courage. 

“I would have, but I wouldn’t have looked nearly as impressive or formidable as Gan Ning did,” Lü Meng said, trying to imagine himself pulling off such a feat and finding some humor in that. He’d have better luck just kicking the door down than scaling the wall. “But you’re wrong, Ling Tong. I am sorry, because I know I haven’t been-”

He could get no further before the sound of jingling bells distracted him and silencing him before he could get any more out. The tell-tale signs of Gan Ning’s approach happened mere seconds before his arrival and Lü Meng was pleased to know that he wasn’t the only one that grew tense when his boisterous voice cut through their conversation. “Hey, Ossan, we’re runnin’ low on wine! What you hangin’ around him for?”

Lü Meng wanted to think that Gan Ning was too drunk to recognize Ling Tong, but he wouldn’t hold his breath. Knowing Gan Ning, he sure as hell recognized the youth but simply didn’t care or felt no sense of shame or guilt in approaching him. Lü Meng couldn’t blame Ling Tong for his sneer and he immediately took charge before the youth could fire back and instigate a fight. “Just playing the part of a good host, Gan Ning. It’s part of my duty to ensure everyone present is just as happy and content as the next person.”

He had hoped that Ling Tong would simply keep to himself or grab his cup and leave, but he knew he wouldn’t. He might not have been the type to go leaping headfirst into trouble but when it came to Gan Ning, all common sense and self preservation were thrown out the window. He could have taken comfort that Ling Tong’s bitterness was no longer directed at him and truly he couldn’t blame him for snapping back, especially when it was clear he was being provoked. “So you finally got off your ass and did something with your insatiable bloodlust. Big deal!”

“Insatiable?” Gan Ning fumbled with the word but didn’t spend too much time bothering with it. To Lü Meng’s relief, he was far more interested in filling his gullet than picking a fight with Ling Tong as he waved off the man and looked to be retreating back to his ‘throne.’ “Bah! Nevermind- I can help myself to wine!”

Lü Meng hoped it’d end there, but his faith in either man to simple draw the line and retreat was going to be severely questioned this day. At first it looked as though Ling Tong would accept whatever victory he gained here and Lü Meng was trying to remember what he had been discussing before but the thought was chased away when Ling Tong looked like he was going to push himself up and chase after him. The general reestablished his hold and gripped him tightly, keeping him seated and speaking low as to not attract Gan Ning’s attention back to him. “Don’t be stupid about this, Ling Tong. If you act foolish and attack him now, our lord will only punish you.”

“Even if he provoked it?”

“Yes. Just let it go for tonight.”

He suspected he was being too harsh and he was fully prepared for Ling Tong to snap back at him, but the youth’s anger remained squarely on Gan Ning. He pushed against that touch but Lü Meng was resilient and with a push he forced him back to his seat. Had Gan Ning seen the act he might have instigated a fight and like hell Lü Meng was going to let this party be ruined with one or both of their deaths! “Just for tonight.”

Eventually Ling Tong gave in and only after he was fully seated again did he slap the hand away. It wasn’t much reassurance that he’d stay away from Gan Ning but it’d have to do. He could hear unruly soldiers demanding their cups be filled and he wouldn’t dare through his wife to those wolves. Ling Tong spat but said nothing as he left and deep in his bones, he knew he should have pressed on and talked with him more. Perhaps if he stayed and talked with him, he wouldn’t have grabbed another soldier’s sword and been halfway to the former pirate before someone alerted Lü Meng to the event that was unfolding before his eyes.


	38. Sword Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng must break up a fight between Gan Ning and Ling Tong without ruining the party...

Ultimately he couldn’t find fault in Ling Tong’s feelings. If anyone knew how difficult it could be to exist within the same breathing space as Gan Ning, it’d be Lü Meng, and if one took that and multiplied it by the ferocity of a wronged tiger and that would only be a fraction of the disgust and hatred that Ling Tong felt for the former pirate. And the damndest thing of all was that it was completely justified. No one could blame Ling Tong for his hatred and no one ever felt his rage to be unjustified, and yet, everyone knew that they couldn’t allow him to act upon those desires. Not without consequence. 

To give Ling Tong credit, it had been a considerable length of time between the last time he tried to kill Gan Ning and the method of which he approached it was actually rather clever. Lü Meng’s hands were full with a newly opened jug when he was alerted to the youth’s rapid approach and his irrational fear of wasting any resource for them stopped him from just dropping the jug and rushing after him. No doubt Ling Tong laid in wait for the general to have his hands full before making his move. Admirable, if not for the event that was unfolding before his very eyes. 

Though Ling Tong was armed with a sword, he did not run Gan Ning through. Lü Meng and others watched as he took a stance, well out of range of the man he despised and in the middle of the gathered men, before announcing to the crowd, the strength of his voice and the suddenness of it causing all other noise to immediately die away. 

“Alright, Gan Ning, I’ll commend you on your little stunt there,” Ling Tong said, holding the borrowed sword at his side though its presence there and the downright murderous intent in his eyes was more than enough to unnerve them. Gan Ning glared at the young officer but otherwise appeared disinterested, even when Ling Tong rose the blade and pointed at him with it. “But how’s your sword play?”

“Sword play?” Gan Ning asked with a sneer, not once diverting his gaze from the young man that clearly wanted him dead. He didn’t look to the men around him for aid and he certainly didn’t look to Lü Meng for help. A dog would have seen a threat or a puzzle and look for its human’s aid, but a wolf? A wolf didn’t need or want any help, and the way his lips curled and flashed his canines, one could think he’d howl at any moment. He looked relaxed but it was all a ruse and Lü Meng had no doubts that Gan Ning would leap at his own defense in a heartbeat.

There was no further warning and Lü Meng was ashamed that it took him as long as it did to realize what Ling Tong’s game was. The sword swung about and the lamp light danced off the blade, adding to Ling Tong’s fluid and practiced motions. The fear of an attack against Gan Ning had been alleviated but only to those that didn’t know any better. The sword dance was a perfect way to display one’s skills with the weapon and though it wasn’t Ling Tong’s weapon of choice, few in Wu could match his finesse and form. But to those that knew better, it was also a perfect way to drive a blade through an unsuspecting victim and make it all appear an accident. A deadly dance for those that happened to be ‘too close’ to the dancer and a clever way to hide an assassination in the court…

It might have been a flawless display and Lü Meng was impressed by Ling Tong’s skill (even when he knew he shouldn’t have been as he had always been one of their most talented officers, both before and after his father’s death, assuming he put his heart into the task ahead of him). But Gan Ning didn’t need court etiquette to know what Ling Tong was trying to do. A good assassination came in the assassin’s ability to hide his intentions and anyone enlisted in the Wu army knew of Ling Tong’s disgust and hatred for him. Lü Meng was more or less impressed that Gan Ning seemed willing to ‘play along’ for as long as he did though it did nothing to relieve him of the confrontation that was inevitably brewing from this. 

The crowd backed away from Ling Tong, either weary of the ploy or simply being wise and not wanting to risk being stabbed accidentally and thus far none of them seemed willing to leap in to stop Ling Tong. Lü Meng couldn’t see their lord nearby and his mind raced with a solution, as Gan Ning rose to his feet and was quick to not only counter Ling Tong’s attempts but one up him as he reached for none of his weapons but motioned to the nearby soldiers that watched on, too drunk to realize the danger that was brewing. “You got some skills, boy... but let me show you how a real man dances! You, hand me those halberds!”

The crowd gasped in surprise but the soldiers didn’t make him ask twice. Lü Meng kept note of those so willing to comply to discipline later and he finally set down the wine, just as he felt Ren tug at his sleeve as though to remind him that he was needed to divert a catastrophe. As if he ever needed a reminder for that! The problem came with breaking them up discretely and without drawing their lord’s attention. A thought came to mind and he reached for a set of weapons himself, taking long, almost gliding strides to jump between the two, just before their weapons could meet. 

Ling Tong’s sword clashed against the curved blade that Lü Meng grabbed and the halberds swung about but the shield was sturdy enough to deflect it, the loud clang and clunk silenced the crowd. He couldn’t see everyone’s expression and truly, he didn’t want to. He could imagine there’d be a few among the crowd that’d be shocked to see anyone willingly leap between the two, especially knowing the history between them. He could imagine there’d be some relief and then preparing for the harsh reprimand that their general would throw at the two would-be combatants. Fighting among one another was strictly prohibited, especially with real weapons, and fewer generals would take such a rule as seriously as they all expected Lü Meng would. And yet, no verbal reprimand came, and both combatants moved their weapons, trying to get to the person beyond the middle man but unable to breach through. 

Lü Meng moved with them in near perfect unison, keeping Ling Tong’s sword at bay and tilting and twisting the shield and keeping the two very heavy and very dangerous halberds from cutting either himself or Ling Tong. Every move he made was precise and purely defensive. Had they simply focused on the movements between the three, one could have swore the three had planned such an entertaining feat and the way that some of the more drunk and relaxed soldiers were acting, it may as well have been. Eventually the rest began to clap and stomp their feet and eventually Ling Tong and Gan Ning were forced back and away from one another, leaving only Lü Meng to carry on the dance, never once letting up on his motions as doing so would only arouse suspicions. “Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! We all know that between the three of us that I’m the one to beat. Behold!”

And he kept up the act, thankful to the ones too drunk to know better as they fed into the act and drew others in. He moved with the rhythm of the stomping feet and another officer had taken to the flute. Ling Tong and Gan Ning remained separated and were wise enough to put away their weapons, as they both knew that Lü Meng would not allow for either one to engage the other. They lingered outside of the edge of Lü Meng’s dance but did not circle or otherwise even look remotely interested in one another and that only fueled the dancing general’s well hidden relief.

He had broken up the fight between the two officers without once disrupting the festivities, and not a moment too soon, as another soldier had slipped away at the beginning of the confrontation to alert their lord. Lü Meng couldn’t blame him and would have rewarded him for his effort. Sun Quan had arrived, flanked by Zhou Tai and several other generals, though not a single one was needed. By then, Lü Meng’s dance had come to a blissful end, though one would have never thought how eager he was to throw the weapons down and flee by the way he addressed their lord. He offered him a formal bow to hide his nervousness and he spoke clearly, despite being winded from the excursion. “Lord Quan! I’m sorry, but you’ve missed the show.”

“On the contrary, I’ve seen enough of it,” said Sun Quan, a beaming smile on his face and immediately Lü Meng knew he had little to fear. The redness of his young lord’s nose was a clear enough indication that he had been indulging in the drink a little more than he should have, but seeing Lianshi near him had relieved Lü Meng of some of his concerns. His lord favored wine at uncomfortable levels but so long as someone was there to catch him, all was well, he told himself. If anything, his lord’s inebriated state proved most useful in his ruse, as he didn’t outwardly appear any the wiser. “How much have you had to drink, Lü Meng? I’ve never seen you so spruce, so lively!”

Lü Meng tried not to look too deep into that comment and instead took comfort that it was enough to prevent a catastrophe this evening. By then, Ling Tong had all but fled the area, returning his borrowed weapon and slinking away from his lord’s sights before anyone could try to rat him out, and Gan Ning was whisked away to his own table with soldiers gathered around demanding more tales and adventures from Gan Ning’s illustrious history. And all was well for Lü Meng. “I’m afraid I was enjoying our victory so much that I lost count, my lord.”

“That’s the spirit!” Lord Quan proclaimed with a laugh and the slap to Lü Meng’s shoulder was loud but not at all painful. Despite this, Lü Meng almost felt himself flinch and want to shy away from his lord’s touch, despite being pulled close to the man’s chest and shoulders. Whatever thoughts that dwelled on his mind were immediately chased away after such a motion and Lü Meng didn’t even know why as Sun Quan’s crooning drove the celebration back into full swing once again. “With the generals I surround myself with, there will always be celebrations like this!”

It was one of the greatest compliments he’d ever receive, Lü Meng thought, and foolishly so. Whatever guilt he had with denying Ling Tong his chance at revenge was chased away and all he wanted was to prove his lord’s prophecy to be true. He wanted nothing more than to bring him and his kingdom victory after victory, no matter their opponent. Pleasing his lord and receiving his praise was far greater than any wine or feast he’d ever taste, he told himself, as though that alone would be the greatest motivation set before him at that moment.

He still thought that way, well after the feast had passed and the effects of the wine had caught up with him. He wasn’t as bad off as others had been, but he knew he leaned a little too heavily on his wife that night than he felt comfortable with. Now, in the morning that followed, his mouth was dry and his head felt as though it were in a vice, he still felt it was worth it. 

Even when Ling Tong waited for him and caught him unawares in the stables, arms crossed and betrayal written all over his face as he grabbed the general’s arm and threw him against the wooden walls with such force that Lü Meng swore the fort itself trembled.

“Why did you interfere?” Ling Tong asked over the sound of panicked whickers and grunts, the seething rage all too consuming and threatening to pass onto Lü Meng though how he managed to keep his temper in check in his current mood was beyond him. “Why won’t you let me have my revenge? All you had to do was just look the other way… why couldn’t you do that?”

To Ling Tong’s credit he did wait until the day after to pounce him- perhaps he feared it’d be too dishonorable to attack a drunk man, or perhaps he knew he wouldn’t get a clear answer from him? Lü Meng had no fear for his life. Ling Tong wouldn’t kill him. It wasn’t death that he wanted, but answers. How he’d react after getting the answers he wanted, however, was beyond Lü Meng’s control and all he could hope to do was prepare himself for it. 

“Because if I had… one or both of you could have been killed, either in the fight or from execution later, and then where would Wu be?” He knew the answer wouldn’t appease Ling Tong’s anger but it was all he had given such short notice. He hadn’t considered it at all throughout the night thanks to Lord Quan’s good mood and he knew that was a strike against him. He’d have to rely on pure honesty and hadn’t any fancy words prepared. Even if he did, he doubt they’d do him any good here. Not against someone that felt personally wronged and had every reason to think so. “Wu needs you. Wu needs Gan Ning.”

“That’s all it always is with you, isn’t it? Wu this, Wu that!” Ling Tong snapped, tightening his death grip and threatening to knock the wind out of him again. If he feared Lü Meng’s retaliation, he certainly didn’t show it. “Well, what about me? What about my needs? What about the fact that I have to work alongside the man that killed my father, while people like you constantly defend him and praise him?”

“Ling Tong-”

“You know he’s a monster! You saw what he did to that servant,” Ling Tong snapped, never letting Lü Meng have a chance to speak and never once noticing or caring how thin the general’s patience was running. Ling Tong’s anger was red hot and yet he did not yell. Clever, even in his rage. He might have admired that if not for the position he found himself in. “And yet you still defend him and keep going on about how we need him. How Wu needs him. Wu doesn’t need him! You need him!”

And with that last shove, he released Lü Meng and was prepared to flee. One tiger turned his back on the other and that always proved to be a mistake. Lü Meng lashed out, but not with the intent to harm. Oh such a thought came to mind but he managed to refrain, knowing all too well how hypocritical it would look and how that could sabotage any of his efforts now. Ling Tong seemed to anticipate the retaliation but had underestimated the older general’s speed and his method of attack. Two strong arms wrapped around his chest and Lü Meng made sure to catch those arms to shoot down any chance at him breaking free. Ling Tong tried but he couldn’t break out of the hold and any time Ling Tong twisted and wriggled, Lü Meng only tightened his hug. He should have done this years ago, he told himself, even as Ling Tong began to thrash and lashed out with thorned tipped words. “What the hell are you doing? Let go of me!”

“No,” the general said flatly and though he stood shorter than him, he was wider and heavier and Lü Meng took full advantage of that as he grounded himself and threw all his weight into his legs. Despite the embrace he trapped Ling Tong in, his voice was gruff, though they didn’t lack the compassion that he felt that the youth clearly needed. “You’ve been holding onto this whole matter for long enough, Ling Tong. You need to overcome it before it costs you your career and your life.”

He didn’t expect Ling Tong to listen and he was right. Ling Tong tried to grab him but the more experienced officer wouldn’t give him much of a grip and would twist around, keeping just out of reach and only solidifying his hold. He knew Ling Tong would fight back and he knew that he couldn’t hold him still for much longer, not without one or both getting hurt. He’d have to let him go eventually, but it would be on his terms. 

With a grunt, he hefted the younger officer off his feet and threw him into the nearest hay pile. He hoped and prayed that there’d be no muck hidden in there or any tools and the disgruntled ‘oof’ quelled any fears of seriously harming him. The horses had calmed down considerably but their nervous fidgeting accented Ling Tong’s shouts as he emerged from the hay, strands falling off his garment and clinging to his hair. He looked quite silly but Lü Meng dared not laugh or even crack a smile. To do such a thing would belittle him and he wasn’t prepared to do that. Hadn’t he already done it enough?

“Ling Tong, you have every right to hate Gan Ning for what he did. No one’s telling you otherwise-”

“Bullshit. Everyone expects me to just forget what he did,” Ling Tong snapped, cutting him off before he had a chance to continue and the way he held himself reminded Lü Meng a lot of himself years ago. So full of rage and clearly looking ready to drive his fists into the nearest fool that had the misfortune of crossing his path. It was no wonder Taishi Ci stepped in when he did and now Lü Meng wondered if Ling Tong could be reached in the same manner. In the wake of his silence, Ling Tong carried on, exposing only a fraction of the turmoil that made its home in his heart for years now. “They all expect me to just ignore the fact that he killed my father. They act like he was just some casualty… there’s always casualties in war and I know that, but that was my father. How can I be expected to just forget that?” 

“No one’s expecting you to forget that, Ling Tong,” Lü Meng stated, choosing his words and his tone with care. No, fighting it out wouldn’t work here. His anger and Ling Tong’s were drastically different. One bred from being constantly challenged and provoked and was fueled by frustration, whereas Ling Tong’s stemmed from cruel circumstances and a general lack of compassion. To counter violence with violence wouldn’t help, especially since he knew he wasn’t his target, despite his protests. “Something like that? You can’t forget, and perhaps you can never forgive, but you cannot let it dictate how you live your life.”

“And why not? What if I want it to?”

“You don’t. You think you do and you think it should, to honor your father’s spirit, but I think that if he had a chance to address you, he’d want you to find peace instead of spending all your time and energy trying to avenge him.” 

Ling Tong didn’t look convinced and he couldn’t find fault in either the youth or in his efforts. Perhaps it was inevitable that Ling Tong would devote his life to revenge and to tell him otherwise would be just as futile as trying to direct the Yangtze up a mountain. But at least he could say he tried. “Ling Tong, no one’s asking you to like Gan Ning. Hell, there are times I can’t stand him-”

“What?” 

Ling Tong’s confused expression threatened a laugh from the general but he managed to keep it together. He didn’t want Ling Tong mistaking the nature of it or think it was in direct mockery of him. “You heard me. There’s times he gets on my nerves, and don’t think I condoned his actions against Bei Fong, or your father’s. He’s a difficult person to get along with, but to his credit, when given the right push and motivation, he can do just about anything. He’s valuable in these turbulent times, and so are you.”

He made sure to put emphasis on that last part, as he wondered if that was a part of that disgust he had with the former pirate. Yes, the fact that he killed his father before his very eyes should have been enough of a reason, but he had a sneaking suspicion that part of it came from Ling Tong’s own jealous nature. It was small but Lü Meng had noticed it once or twice before from his short time living in the Ling family’s abode. In a way, it relieved some of his concerns for the youth and gave him some hope that perhaps the relationship between Ling Tong and Gan Ning could improve… until he remembered Gan Ning and immediately such hopes were dashed. Even if Ling Tong could overcome his well justified anger and not so justified jealousy for Gan Ning, there was no doubt in his mind that Gan Ning would always instigate a fight and would always stand his ground against him if he felt threatened. He took Ling Tong’s silence as a means to continue, offering him a warm smile in hopes that it’d be enough to push his point home. “No one expects you to like Gan Ning or ever forgive him for what he’s done. Even if it happened when you two were on opposing sides, that’s your father, your family. You’ll never forget it. You may never forgive him. You can hate him all you want, but all we can ask is that you tolerate him and never allow your personal feelings for him dictate who you are. He’s arrogant, sometimes unreliable, and downright a pain in the ass, but he’s also a comrade and works towards the same goal as you and I, and that’s our service to Lord Sun Quan and for Wu.”

Still, Ling Tong was quiet, but by the look on his face, Lü Meng could tell he understood. He might not have liked it, but he understood. There was still some sourness to Ling Tong’s demeanor, but it was dulled and diluted and when he spoke, he sounded relieved despite his efforts to hide it. “Alright… I guess you’d be the best to know how to deal with him. I’ll try my best, but no promises.”

“You’ll do fine,” said Lü Meng, only now allowing a humored snort to escape from his prison when he was certain that it wouldn’t ruin the mood. There was still an aura of awkwardness that lingered between them and would exist for years to come, but at least there was no venom added to it. “I wasn’t lying when I said you were valuable, Ling Tong. Whatever he does, don’t let him poison your worth.”

“Right, right, got it. Don’t make this anymore weird, alright? If it’s all the same to you, I’ll just do my best to avoid him or block him out.” And with that being said, Ling Tong dismissed himself, turning and retreating from the stables and never once acknowledging or noticing how the general had been raising his hand. What he had planned to do with said hand was clearly nothing of Ling Tong’s concern and if anything Lü Meng was grateful for it. He had wanted to offer more. He wanted to reconcile, but it was clear that Ling Tong wanted nothing to do with it. “The two of us could use a lot less headaches for it, right?”

“... right. Be well, Ling Tong.” And yet, he tried to hide anything less than confidence in his voice as clearly that’s what Ling Tong had sought from him. He did not need a father figure, nor a brother. Maybe not even a friend. Whatever it was they had now, Ling Tong was content with it and thus so would Lü Meng be, so long as he kept his word to Ling Cao then all was well for now. Even if he had to protect Ling Tong from himself, then so be it.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Their breakthrough hadn’t offered much outside of theories, but at least it offered something. Between Lu Xun and Zhu Ran, the strategists were able to discuss the importance of the ‘Water’ talisman and the importance of its placement. Zhu Ran left it for Lu Xun to explain, as he was the far more patient of the two and even then they never realized just how much patience their Chief-Commander had when it came to explaining things to Gan Ning. Lu Xun held back the urge to sigh as he explained once more, choosing his words with care so that even the former pirate could understand. “The talisman was stationed to the north of the circle, correct? The symbol written on it is water, written in black ink. Therefor, it must signify Xuan Wu, the Black Turtle or Chimera, the Guardian animal of the North and Winter, though I can’t be exactly sure unless we were to decipher the other four.”

Gan Ning had been told this theory a few times and even the most recent telling made little sense to him. He understood the direction part- any good sailor could read directions, but the rest of it? Might as well have been another language to him. But they could tell he was trying and he parroted what he thought he understood, despite knowing it would likely earn him scorn from his comrades. “Alright, so… the card’s suppose to represent the Black Turtle or Chimera, whatever the hell that is. North and Winter, and water, apparently.” He paused and waited for either Lu Xun or Zhu Ran to nod before pressing onward. “Alright, so… what’s that got to do with it revealing itself to me and not when any of the rest of you tried to do it?”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out.” Lu Xun wasn’t so much flustered as he was perplexed and it almost seemed like the idea of there being a mystery to solve was more appealing than aiding their Chief-Commander. Of course, all of them knew that wasn’t true, but it didn’t help his case in the least. “Perhaps he felt that there’s a quality in you that resembles either the guardian animal or the element itself.”

“He was a pirate,” Zhu Ran said, rather impatiently as well. “Pirates usually have an affinity with water, right?”

Neither Lu Xun or Gan Ning disagreed. It made the most sense but then it arose a rather frightening thought, one that Gan Ning was quick to bring up. “Then you think this mystic’s been spying on us? I mean, he’d have to be if he knew any of that.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me. After all, he saw through our ruse and knew that I was just a stand in for Master Lü Meng. It wouldn’t be farfetched to assume that he observed us for a few days, maybe even weeks, before setting this plan of his in motion.” 

None present cared for that implication, though not a single one was quick to tear themselves up too badly over it. They suspected that the mystic could have easily hid among the crowd, assuming he chose to be seen at all and wasn’t simply invisible. No one there was knowledgable in the arcane arts and nor could they be, not without receiving ridicule or superstitious glares. Two of Wu’s brightest were on the case and still they only had guesses and theories, and both men hated one another and themselves for it.

Lu Xun mulled over his own thoughts, feeling Zhu Ran’s impatience and trying to quell that fire with a leveled tone, trying to mimic his mentor’s method when it came to dealing with the two overly passionate officers. “This seal was to keep people out, and Master Lü Meng in. It would seem odd that he’d set up a way for someone on the outside to break the seal when he went through such measures to maintain it, though.”

“We don’t even know if what Gan Ning did was helpful in breaking the seal, though.” Zhu Ran countered, though not to be contradictory to his rival. He didn’t make it a habit to argue for the sake of arguing though he was never afraid to offer a different opinion when it was necessary. Despite their rivalry, they shared some common ground and clearly the well being of their Chief-Commander was one of them. “For all we know, it could have made conditions within the seal worse.”

“Nah… I don’t think so.”

Both of them looked at Gan Ning and what they would have given to get inside that head of his, even for a moment. He sounded so certain and yet they knew he wouldn’t be able to explain why. Gan Ning was never much for thinking though they knew him to be clever when it benefitted him to do so. They knew he could sweet talk his way out of some predicaments or get a little extra out of rations, but he wasn’t one for deep thoughts. That’s what guys like Lü Meng, Lu Xun and Zhu Ran were for, he figured. All he had were the stuff laid out in front of him, and his instincts, and it was clear that this was something he felt strongly about. He couldn’t explain himself and he didn’t need to, but he tried, perhaps because he felt it might help their current predicament. 

“We just need to figure out the other five and get those knocked down,” Gan Ning said, noticing that Ling Tong was approaching before the other two had and rising to meet him. If anything, their predicament made that former pirate exceptionally observant as he also noticed the excited gleam in his young rival’s eyes and made a point to address it as he made his approach. “Well? You look like you got something to say. Say it!”

“I got one of them to show their writings. It reads ‘Wood’.”

Not a single one present took his boast lightly and in little time at all, they found themselves gathered around the seal again, this time at the eastern part, and it was clear to see the character WOOD, painted in a particular shade of blue. Lu Xun and Zhu Ran shared a look and muttered the name in unison though both were now too enthralled with the mystery unfolding before them. “Qing Long.”

“Who?” Ling Tong asked, opening the door to ridicule though he received none for the moment. 

“The Azure Dragon of the East,” said Lu Xun, kneeling and looking down at the talisman. Now two of them were revealed and it could be no confusion as to what the talisman stood for, and with one mystery solved, Lu Xun sought answers to another one and he looked to the younger officer for answers. “What did you do to reveal it, Ling Tong? Do you remember?”

“Of course I remember- I just did it seconds ago.” Ling Tong grabbed his sanjiegun and smacked the reinforced wood together, making a loud and distinct crack though it was hardly necessary since all eyes were on him anyways. His terse manner of speech, which normally made Lu Xun recoil, was present but it was easy to skip over such annoying minutia thanks to the excitement of getting one step closer to an answer. “I was thinking about when Gan Ning splashed it with water and it revealed the writing, so I figured I’d try my hand at other elements. Wind didn’t do anything, neither did mud for earth, at least not on any of these. 

“Then I tried for wood. Circled around on the other ones and kept touching them with my sanjiegun and eventually found this one here.” Ling Tong pointed to it as the results were as clear to see. Lu Xun scratched his chin in thought as Zhu Ran moved towards the talisman at the south end of the bubble. “Figured it had something to do with elements and overheard your conversation so I gave it a try.”

“So Gan Ning worked for Water, and Ling Tong for Wood.” 

“Which leaves us with White Tiger and Metal, Vermillion Bird and Fire, and Yellow Dragon and Earth.” Zhu Ran was already at the south end and he was looking around for cover. No one questioned what he was attempting as he pulled out his bow, the wick unlit thanks to the rain though perhaps not for too long. “I bet Fire will work for me. I mean, who else could it possibly be for? Fire’s a specialty of mine and no doubt this mystic’s figured that much out.”

The way he addressed the matter bespoke of someone almost expecting someone to object, but Lu Xun didn’t. His face was passive and calm though he was wrought with concern, but it had nothing to do with his own rival this time. Ling Tong noticed it and at least made a point to speak lowly so that he wouldn't draw too much attention to him. “What's wrong, besides the obvious?”

Lu Xun didn’t want to discuss the matter, with Ling Tong or anyone. The only one he wanted to discuss the matter with was the one that laid trapped behind the seal, though he was admittedly stumped with how to tear it down to get to him. For Ling Tong to see through his guise, he suspected his mask was either too flimsy or perhaps Ling Tong was simply more hawk-eyed to know better, and none of that was any easier for him to cope with. He took some comfort that he wouldn’t have to deal with the others, as Zhu Ran and Gan Ning tended to the southern talisman, though it wasn’t much to be had. “Even if Zhu Ran were to be the one to reveal the writing on the southern talisman, that leaves us with two others to figure out, that being White Tiger and Yellow Dragon.”

“So?”

“This mystic took much time and consideration when setting this up, so he had to have a reason to pick why only certain individuals could reveal them.” Ling Tong clearly didn’t see what the problem was and his skeptical look forced Lu Xun to continue. “It implies that he has a certain level of knowledge of not only Master Lü Meng but in those he associates himself with. I can understand the first three- assuming that Zhu Ran’s correct, but the other two? I’m not sure who they would apply to…”

Ling Tong was no strategist, but he was no fool either. There was a brain in there as well as common sense when his judgement wasn’t clouded, and had he applied himself he could have easily been one of their brightest. Lu Xun knew this and he admired him in that he clearly felt that their current dilemma and their Chief-Commander’s safety was worth putting forth the extra effort for, even when it dug a little at his own conscious. “Well… if someone’s assigned to them and those someones are someone close to him, then no doubt one of them’s got to be you.”

It made the most sense and yet Lu Xun was weary. Even if one of them did belong to him, which one would it be? And then, who was the last one?


	39. Sun Quan's Osprey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng is tasked to capture the three commanderies of Changsha, Guiyang, and Lingling.

Word spread quickly throughout Wu and it was no wonder that Sun Quan was quick in ordering his men to arms once more. Few could blame him and even Lu Su was quick to recommend it, though there was little enthusiasm in his recommendation. 

Lord Liu Bei and his men had taken Chengdu and the districts in the west from his family and thus had solidified a foothold into Shu. It was a joyous event for Liu Bei and his men, as they now had a home, and it was just as joyous for the men of Wu, as it would mean that the Jing province would be returned to them. None had forgotten the deal, including Liu Bei himself. The order was given to return the province to Wu, as was promised, but the man placed in charge of the province defense refused to back down.

Guan Yu. He was a name that invoked mixed feelings among those that heard it uttered and few men could ever claim such a feat. He was a man that came from a humble beginning and rose above his status, taking arms against the Yellow Turbans and proceeding onward, to fight against the legend of a man Lu Bu and aided in the campaign against the villainous Dong Zhuo. Few didn’t know of his feats at Xiapi and even fewer didn’t know the story of how Cao Cao himself employed him as a guest general in his campaign against Yuan Shao, or how he passed through seven gates and defeated each of their keepers to rush back to Liu Bei’s side once learning of his whereabouts. 

He was a man blessed with strength and conviction. Few could stand on the same ground as him and exist, it seemed, and when one asked of an prime example of loyalty and honor, his name sprung up more often than not. Prior to this event, many in Wu admired the man, including Lord Quan himself.

And now, how quickly had that changed in a short amount of time! Lu Xun was still recovering from the whiplash of it all and he was certain he wasn’t the only one. Shu, as they were now called thanks to the successful conquest of their new home, had gone from being their tentative allies to their enemies overnight, and yet, one would never had thought such a strange had ever occurred given just how eager the generals of Wu were to take arms.

Lü Meng’s treatment of the matter perplexed Lu Xun the most. If he ever held any doubts in his mind that this general was the one to follow, it was completely chased away now and he observed Lü Meng like a fledgling watched a great osprey in action, soaking in his knowledge and hoping to siphon as much as he could with such limited interaction. 

Lu Xun knew that Lü Meng held little love or trust towards their now former allies and yet he was not as openly eager and gung ho as many of his comrades were. Having just come off of a private mission of his own and having dealt with the bandits that terrorized Luling, the general was already primed and ready for action, as were his men and once their orders were given, they were off, arriving in the Jing Province with little time wasted. No doubt Wu was eager to do what they felt they should have done long ago and yet one wouldn’t have thought that by looking at Lü Meng’s face. It was hard as stone, his determination to see, and never had Lu Xun seen focus in such a frightening form. How much different was his current teacher from the last? And yet, he couldn’t help but feel himself warming up to it despite himself.

Others looked to Lü Meng and took him seriously, something that Lu Xun himself felt he was having trouble with, and it was such an admirable trait in the general that Lu Xun almost felt himself growing envious of it. He could see why so many, their lord especially, looked to Lü Meng to get the job done, as every task he was given, he had not only accomplished victory in those instances, but had done so with a certain efficiency that others had lacked. He got results, and he got them swiftly, and no doubt that Sun Quan thought the same, as he sent Lü Meng and his unit to capture the three commanderies of Changsha, Lingling, and Guiyang. Like every command prior, Lü Meng took it seriously and wasted no time mobilizing his forces, moving so quickly and efficiently that Lu Xun wondered how he could possibly come up with a plan.

That was another mystery that shrouded his mentor. His last teacher seemed to have everything planned beforehand, as though he had taken such cautionary steps in the present to prepare for every small thing that could come to be. Whatever happened, whatever obstacle stood in their way, he simply had a solution for it before it came to be. Never once did it ever seem as though the possibility never occurred to him or that he was ever caught unawares.

With Lü Meng, it wasn’t so much that he planned everything in advance to the most minor of details but that when a problem arose, he simply looked at the problem and threw all of his mental resources into finding a solution with the simplest of executions. He was more practical and straightforward with his plan of action and Lu Xun had the chance to witness it fairly recently at Luling. When bandits rose in rebellion, several officers had been attempting to quell the situation but to no success. So many were sent fleeing or were outright captured and held captive within the city, and it did not take long for the situation to draw Lord Quan’s attention. 

“Even a thousand ferocious birds are no match for a single osprey,” Lord Quan had said, before motioning for Lü Meng to take care of the matter. And so he did, as the moment he arrived at Luling, he put a quick end to the bandits’ rebellion with only a single casualty, that being the bandit leader. Like Gan Ning, Lü Meng charged in before, though without the drums to announce his arrival and that only worked in his favor, as by the time any of the scoundrels had spotted the lone rider, their leader made an acquaintance with the hook end of the glaive and then the ground as he was thrown from the pile of gold and metal that he and his men hoarded at the center of town, his ‘throne’ so to speak. By then, the rest of Lü Meng’s company had followed in and the bandits fled, scattering like hares bolting from the talons of the vicious bird of prey before he could scoop them up too. It was swift and efficient, and for Lu Xun, both brilliant and terrifying to witness. Perhaps Sun Quan’s analogy fit Lü Meng perfectly, the young officer thought, keeping his worried thoughts to himself as he aided in the clean up and the releasing of the captives.

Yes, it was certainly not an approach that Lu Xun was expecting and Zhu Ran gave him hell for it when he was keen enough to notice his distress. No one seemed bothered by just how easily his mentor could switch from strategist to warrior, but he also suspected that they had known him longer than he himself had. He hadn’t met Lü Meng prior to his training, he had to remind himself, and as much as he despised having to interact with Zhu Ran, he found himself referring to him more often than not when it came to digging up information on their mentor.

Not that Zhu Ran gave him much to work with and even when he was willing to discuss the matter with him, the other officer had a way of rubbing him the wrong way. There was only so much that Lu Xun could do to put up with him and he knew the feelings were mutual. When Zhu Ran turned his questions against him and asked why he was so interested in knowing, that was his queue to simply leave it be and seek his answers elsewhere and thus far he was grateful that Zhu Ran was currently more enthralled in their current dilemma against Guan Yu to hound him or Lü Meng.

Lu Xun was determined to learn more about Lü Meng, just as much as he was determined to learn from him, especially in the martial skills area. Lu Xun knew his own worth and his own limitations, and he wasn’t too ashamed to admit that his fighting skills were lacking. Could he outsmart his teacher? He was confident enough that he could, should he need to. He was also confident he could outsmart Zhu Ran and Lu Su, and had he been alive, perhaps even Lord Zhou Yu. But when it came to combat and experience? He was forced to admit that he was sorely lacking, and this was something that he knew Lü Meng could provide him.

Thus far, he had been supplying that in spades, and he expected no less here, though his heart was conflicted with the matter. He was among the few that hoped that there could have been an understanding between the two kingdoms, and yet, he could not fault any in Wu that felt animosity towards Shu, or in the very least, towards the man undoubtedly responsible for their current dilemma. Guan Yu was certainly an obstacle to overcome and if he was seeking to stay within good relations with their neighbors, then he had done such a poor job that even Lu Su was compelled to respond with violence.

Lu Xun wasn’t keen on going to war with their neighbors, at least not yet, but he welcomed the experience to learn. His opportunity to learn, however, seemed destined not to happen here, as the moment they arrived at the first of the three commanderies, Lü Meng ordered his troops to halt and sent forth a letter. An hour later, the banners were dislodged from the top and were thrown at the outside forces’ feet. Never had there been a more clearer sign of someone surrendering until that moment, and the second fortress had done the same, this time without Lü Meng even needing to send the letter. 

Two of the three commanderies that Lü Meng was sent to capture had surrendered without a single weapon being raised and they were well on their way to the third and final fortress and still Lu Xun was reeling from it, much to the delight of Zhu Ran. 

“You look stumped,” he said, not even trying to hide the snicker from his voice. He pulled his horse close to Lu Xun’s own and even his mount seemed eager to join in, her wicker accenting her master’s words almost perfectly. “What’s on your mind? You’re still thinking about why they surrendered so easily?”

Lu Xun saw no reason to lie and he spoke in his own defense, maintaining a soft and calm voice in hopes of either cooling the other officer’s fire or perhaps alerting Lü Meng to them. He hated to use his mentor in such a manner, but few could get Zhu Ran to back off as well as the general could. “It surprised me that they surrendered so quickly, yes, but-”

“It shouldn’t. They saw who was coming for them and they knew better than to mess with Master Lü Meng.”

He said it so smugly. Lu Xun wanted to punch him, and yet, he couldn’t deny the possibility of that assumption being true. He wouldn’t have held it past the officers to see Wu’s banners in the distance and the sight of Lü Meng at the front was enough to encourage such a decision. News spread fast throughout the land these days and no doubt they must have heard of Lü Meng’s exploits against Wei. Surely it was fear that provoked such a speedy response!

“Don’t be too quick to discredit their wisdom, Zhu Ran,” said Lü Meng, not raising his voice and truly not needing to for the moment. Despite entering Jing province with the intent of conquest, there was no rush or stampede of horses and the fact that they were even having this conversation reflected the almost lackadaisical approach and that only compounded the eerie atmosphere Lu Xun found himself in. The both of them went silent and it was clear that neither one thought the general could hear them. At least he did not bring too much attention to that. “They saw the changing tides and opted to go the peaceful route instead of fight it. Their decision not only saved their own lives, but our own.”

Zhu Ran scoffed but never in the disrespectful way. Lu Xun wondered how someone under Lü Meng’s tutelage could ever be so blazingly confident, so much to the point of arrogance, when he couldn’t see a single fraction of it within the general himself. “Not that it would have been a problem for us. We would have won in a fight anyways, no doubt about that.”

Lü Meng gave a nod but otherwise he did not fuel those flames, leaving Lu Xun back to his thoughts though not for too long. Too often had this happened for the young officer’s tastes and he nudged his horse to speed up the pace so that he could ride side by side with the general. This garnered a peculiar look but otherwise Lü Meng seemed to welcome him and that was the only opening Lu Xun felt he’d need. “Lord Lü Meng, may I ask what’s your plan? Do you think the commander in charge of Lingling will surrender as well?”

“I’d rather he did, but I wouldn’t hold it past him to stand his ground,” said Lü Meng, addressing Lu Xun though his gaze remained set ahead of him. Even when he was side by side with him, he could tell that Lü Meng’s attention was elsewhere and Lu Xun could only wonder where his mind truly lied as he was beginning to suspect that it wasn’t entirely focused on Lingling. “The commander there, General Hao Pu, is experienced and not easily intimidated, but I’m confident we’ll capture the fortress and the city within a day’s time.”

Had such a claim been made by Gan Ning or even Zhu Ran, Lu Xun might have passed it off as an arrogant boast and nothing more, and yet, to hear such a proclamation come from Lü Meng made him all the more curious. Before he could be whisked away with his thoughts, though, Lü Meng suddenly looked towards him and caught his gaze and Lu Xun wasn’t prepared for the general’s curiosity that was flung in his direction even when he knew it was due at some point. “Lu Xun, what’s your game in all of this?”

“My game, sir? I don’t-”

“When you first accompanied my unit at Chibi, you claimed you wanted to serve under me, but then I hear later that you had originally gone to Lord Zhou Yu to seek his tutelage and that he recommended you to me instead. But when I spoke with Lord Zhou Yu, he told me that he wanted to take you in but you demanded that I be your mentor.” All the while, Lü Meng had not raised his voice and nor did he draw any unnecessary attention to himself, much to Lu Xun’s relief. If anything, he seemed just as hesitant to bring up such a topic himself and each word was carefully chosen and rehearsed. Given that he had managed to snag two of the three fortresses without raising no more than a brush, he had plenty of time to approach the matter and Lu Xun might have been impressed had he not been so mortified that his mentor took the time and effort to try and unravel his plan. He was amazed with himself for keeping his wits about him, though for how long would that last? “So? Which is it?”

It wasn’t a topic that Lu Xun wanted to discuss at this time, or ever, really, but he knew that Lü Meng wouldn’t let it go and nor should he have. He knew he’d find out sooner or later, and why not now when there was a lull in fighting and absolutely nothing to distract him? It was hard to be angry at the general for that though it didn’t make his reluctance to address the matter any easier. “You weren’t my first choice, my lord, but neither was Lord Zhou Yu. It was my former mentor that recommended you.”

He could see the general’s surprise, but there was no time for him to dig any deeper. A messenger rushed to the general’s side and demanded his attention, much to Lu Xun’s relief. He knew it’d be a temporary reprieve at the most but he’d accept it for now. So long as it kept Lü Meng from probing any further, he’d welcome any distractions.

As suspected, Hao Pu was not as eager to surrender as his comrades were and it made it clear by not only destroying the letter sent but threatening to open fire on the messenger himself if he did not leave in a timely manner. Lü Meng brought the company to a halt and was considering his options when a second messenger arrived, this time from their lord himself. He opened the letter and read the contents, all the while allowing Zhu Ran, Lu Xun and the rest of his company discuss a plan of attack. 

Lingling was sturdy and had clearly been set in place for many years, nothing at all like the quickly constructed Lujiang and its commander was a man that wasn’t intimidated by such a display of force. Not even Lü Meng’s reputation did the trick as scouts confirmed exactly what the messenger had relayed. 

There were plenty in the company that were excited for the chance of combat, but Lü Meng did not send them out yet, nor did he order them to dig in. Lu Xun watched, grateful that his mentor’s attention was no longer focused solely on him but at the same time curious as to what thoughts circulated in that head of his, or what the letter from their lord read. He hadn’t addressed it to his men and he quickly placed it in his breastplate before any could ask or even notice. He brought no attention to it or even acknowledged it was there, something that struck the young officer as beyond peculiar but he dared not bring it up. Not yet. Perhaps he could work a trade with him, offer Lü Meng some intel for his intel? Was whatever Sun Quan wrote to him worth it, though?

Such thoughts remained in his head for a little while longer, however, as no sooner had the tents were erected and sentry was set up, Lü Meng called his officers in for a meeting. His plan of attack was simple enough- by dawn, they would attack and capture the fortress. He spoke of it with such confidence despite there being no siege weapons set up or any trenches dug out. He had a plan, but few could guess what it was exactly, except that he knew something that they didn’t. 

They were departing to attend to their duties when Lü Meng called for Deng Xuanzhi, motioning to speak with him privately. It hardly surprised Lu Xun to spot Zhu Ran lurking towards the back end of the tent. There was no need to ask what his intentions were- he was merely annoyed that he would be sharing the spy duties with his rival. Zhu Ran wasn’t keen on the idea but the chance to eavesdrop seemed more appealing than to risk them getting caught because he tried to chase Lu Xun away. It didn’t take them long to settle in and even then, neither questioned how much of the private meeting they missed. Both of them knew that the officer in question was acquainted with the commander that opposed them and clearly Lü Meng was seeking to use this to their advantage.

“No doubt he thinks himself as being loyal and righteous, but I don’t think your friend understands the world we’re living in now,” Lü Meng had said, his tone very grave and even more gravelly than normal. To the interlopers, it was a testament to just how serious he was treating the situation and they suspected that Deng Xuanzhi knew it all too well, as he sat before the general, shoulders hunched and his nervousness clear to see. No doubt if they saw it that Lü Meng did and if anything it only added kindle to his flame. “His lord’s currently besieged by Xiahou Yuan at Hanzhong, and Guan Yu’s held up at Nanjun.

“While our lord? He’s on his way here as we speak, as we’ve captured Fan and recently we saved Ling Tong and our enemy was routed by Sun Gui himself. You’ve seen all this yourself, of course. Shu’s putting up a good fight, but they’re getting frustrated. With themselves being so heavily sieged, what hope do they have to spare anyone here?” 

Lü Meng paused and glanced towards the officer, who gave a solemn and firm nod. “They’re hoping for a rescue, then?”

“One they won’t receive, and while their forces are exhausted and risk over extension, our troops are fresh and our men are eager to fight. You’ve seen the look in their eyes when your friend sent our messenger fleeing, haven’t you? They’re primed and ready, merely waiting for the word to strike, and I have no doubt that they’ll capture the fortress in record time once the order is given. What your friend’s hoping for is help to come from Liu Bei and Guan Yu-- like a fish trapped in a dwindling puddle, hoping for either the Yangtze or the Han river to sweep through, when we all know which way the respectful rivers flow. He can hope to hold out, but we all know it’s in vain.”

There was a tinge of remorse in Lü Meng’s tone but something else as well, leaving Lu Xun unbearably curious. Deng Xuanzhi heard that remorse and his nervousness turned into barely contained sorrow, as Lü Meng carried on. “It’s likely your friend will die defending Lingling and for that I’m sorry for you, to lose your friend over such a matter, but ultimately it would be his choice. I worry more for his mother, however.”

Deng Xuanzhi gasped, “Yes… she lives there with him.”

“She’s quite old, so I’m told, and a widow, with many children and grandchildren to attend to,” said Lü Meng, his smile quite sad and his gaze misty, as though his mind wandered to a familiar situation. Lu Xun could look into his eyes and see how his own mother occupied his thoughts. “It would be a travesty if she were to die during the conflict, but I’m afraid that she could be a casualty should they decide to fight against us. I know your friend means to do well by honor, but what honor is there in dying defending a single piece of land, when the rest of the district around him has already accepted the reality of the situation and there currently stands no hope for rescue from Liu Bei or Guan Yu. Deng Xuanzhi, I’d rather not have their blood on our blades when it’s possible to avoid this. Could you please go see your friend and convince him to make the right choice?”

There would be no arguments from Deng Xuanzhi. He bowed his head and departed the tent immediately, and without warning, Lü Meng turned towards the wall of the tent, his tone losing all pretense of sorrow and remorse in a heartbeat. “Zhu Ran, Lu Xun, in here.”

The two officers peered at one another, more than ready to blame one another for getting caught and any chance to initiate such a blame game was chased away with Lü Meng’s grunt. “Now.”

Moments later the two of them were in the tent and with the way Zhu Ran hunched his shoulders, Lu Xun feared just how angry the general was with being spied upon. And yet, despite his gruff tone and his stance, he did not seem nearly as livid as the young officer was expecting him to be. No, if anything, he seemed eager, impatient, and such a reaction was jarring to the both of them. “Zhu Ran, I want you to gather a hundred men and be prepared to go into hiding right outside fortress. You’ll be working alongside Lord Han Dang, Xu Sheng and two other generals with their men. Wait for Deng Xuanzhi to leave with Hao Pu behind him and while the gate’s open, sneak in and lay siege to the fortress, but quietly and without casualty if at all possible. I’m trusting you can do that without a hitch, right?”

“You can count on me!” Zhu Ran, either flattered by being trusted with such a vital task or grateful that Lü Meng was far more concerned with their mission than to punish him and he shot Lu Xun a smug grin before turning to leave. Per usual, Lu Xun refused to acknowledge such a look and kept his gaze set on Lü Meng. He’d rather focus his energy on trying to anticipate what his mentor would do rather than entertain Zhu Ran’s ever growing need to turn every minute thing into a competition, and yet, as he ever was, Lü Meng was predictable in the sense that he was almost unpredictable. 

“And now that we have some time before all of that goes into effect, I’ll like to learn more about you, Lu Xun, if that’s alright?” He might have worded it like a question, but Lu Xun wasn’t fooled. There was an order in there and Lü Meng wouldn’t give him the opportunity to decline such an order. Lu Xun bowed his head slightly but to no avail, as Lü Meng grew impatient. “Go on, don’t be shy. I promise, whatever’s discussed in this tent won’t make it to anyone else, unless I deem it a potential threat to this army or my lord.”

That didn’t encourage much confidence in the young officer but there was nowhere to run. Not physically. Earlier he was certain he could outwit the general and in a way he was certain he was capable of it, but bit by bit that hope was dwindling. “Sir, I’m not sure why you’d think I’d be a potential threat…” He started, testing the ground before him and knowing now how futile it’d be to proceed in that direction. Just like that, Lü Meng had already suspected the worst in him, and how was he expected to prove him wrong? Perhaps with the truth, he thought, before giving in. “But I can assure you, I don’t foresee my motivations and goals to be harmful to the Sun family, or to Wu.”

Lü Meng’s expression softened, but he wasn’t completely in the clear. Either it be the confirmation that his lord and kingdom were safe, or the genuine truth in his confession, it was enough to win his ear and for that Lu Xun was grateful. “That’s good to hear. Now, let’s talk about you and your motivations, Lu Xun, and how I can help.”

This intrigued Lu Xun but he dared not waste any more of Lü Meng’s time pressing that statement. It at least made it easier to open up to the general. “I suppose I should start with a question of my own. How much do you know of my family, Lord Lü Meng?”

“Admittedly, the minimum, and for that I’m sorry. A good general should know more of his fellow officers and I’ve been sorely lacking in that department with you. But what I do know is that you come from a very prestigious family and that they once held power in Wujun.”

“Yes, my lord,” he said, thankful that Lü Meng seemed to have a good start on the matter. For Lu Xun, discussing his family and himself to another person rattled his nerves, more than it truly should have. One might have thought it’d be cathartic to spill their story onto another, but Lu Xun felt no such thing. “My great-uncle once held control over Wujun and we were wealthy and powerful. However, when the late Lord Sun Ce and his army arrived to reclaim his ancestor’s land, he willingly surrendered to him… much to the dismay of my father and other members. As you can imagine, we lost much of our prestige after that and whatever power we were allowed to have is but a mere fraction of what we once had.”

In truth, he wasn’t expecting Lü Meng to understand, or sympathize with him. The two of them had completely different origins and now he was beginning to suspect that there’d be resentment brewing in the general. And yet, he didn’t seem interested in any of that. Instead, his brow tightened, but not out of spite or anger, but in concentration and he didn’t leave Lu Xun in the dark for long. “So, you’re an active member of our army in hopes of winning back some of that power and prestige for your family name like your great-uncle once had?”

“Yes. It’s selfish, I’ll admit, but most of us are, ultimately.” In a way, it was cathartic to be expressing his thoughts and motivations to another, as Lü Meng had a way of listening to him without any hint of judgement in his form. He wanted to think that perhaps he was merely holding his judgement deep within and in silence, but one look at him dissolved that thought almost immediately. Still, he felt the need to defend himself, if only to clear the air around them. “There’s some lingering resentment in my family in regards to our former lord’s intrusion into our lands, and Sun Ce did allow for us to keep some of our fiefs and power, but it’s not enough for us to remain as we once were, and not all of us are content to linger in what little the Sun family gave us.”

“Yourself included?”

There was no hint of malice in that voice nor judgement, simply a question and nothing more. It made his confession all the easier to cope with. “Yes, myself included.”

“And that’s why you married into his family?” 

Lu Xun nodded, smiling softly though why he wasn’t quite sure himself. “It was the start, yes. It allowed our name to remain relevant in the court without having to resort to more… ahem, desperate or unsavory methods, as well as allowed me time to consider how to proceed further.”

The general was a far harder man to read than he once thought. Everyone had made such a big deal about how open and honest he was, and yet, there was still a veil there that Lu Xun couldn’t quite follow or read. Not that Lü Meng was purposefully throwing him off, either, and that was the damndest thing, to know that it wasn’t all an act. Lü Meng scratched his chin but otherwise hadn’t said a word and Lu Xun felt compelled to go deeper and reveal more. He already came this far, he told himself. Might as well go all the way… “I’m loyal to the Sun family and Wu, despite all of this. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t holding onto some resentment in my heart over the matter, but I know that it’s not Lord Quan’s fault. Nor Lord Sun Ce’s either. He was right- these lands did belong to his ancestors and thus he had every right to them, but still, to lose what power we had for so long, for something that wasn’t entirely our faults either. I suppose you wouldn’t understand-”

“And you’re right,” Lü Meng said, his tone brusque and forcing the younger officer into silence. “I wouldn’t understand. I was born a peasant’s son and as far as I know, my ancestors never owned land or help prestige or power. However, I know what it’s like to have something taken away from you. Bandits, thieves, even animals would rape and plunder Fupo- livestock, supplies, tools… even one another, were taken away from us, without thought or consideration. It might not be the same and I’m not going to claim it’s worse, but I know what it's like to try to recover what was once taken away.”

Lu Xun resisted the urge to cringe and shy away from the general. He hadn’t considered Lü Meng’s own situation or how he’d respond, but there was no anger or snark in his reply. No, as always, he was blunt, but sincere, and Lu Xun was surprised to see just how quickly he had come to a conclusion on the matter. “I think you’re on the right track, Lu Xun.”

“You do, sir?” Lu Xun asked, surprised that he wasn’t immediately chastised. He wasn’t sure why he questioned Lü Meng as he did, as he always seemed honest, too honest, but perhaps then the fault lied with him. “You’re not concerned that my goals are too selfish?”

“Perhaps a little, but it’s no crime or treason to have your own goals, so long as they don’t threaten the safety of our kingdom or take too much from others. But I think the best way to move up the ladder and earn our lord’s respect would to push your efforts into helping attain his overall goal. Work with him and your fellow men. Move with them as part of the unit, but ensure you stand out above the rest. Easier said than done, but I think that’d help you achieve your goal.”

It wasn’t exactly the answer that Lu Xun wanted but he tried to hide his disappointment from the general’s view. Before he could think of a counter or find a way to express his concerns without revealing the level of his despair, though, Lü Meng was quick to offer his own solution. “I’ll give you more assignments and put you out in the field more. That should give you more exposure, though it’d mean putting you in direct competition with Zhu Ran. So long as you two keep it under control and use it to better yourselves and thus Wu, you should be fine.”

“You’re… you’re helping me?”

The look Lü Meng gave him warranted a laugh but Lu Xun dared not utter a sound. “Why wouldn’t I? We’re comrades and though we might have different personal goals and aspirations, we all work towards the same unifying goal. What would I gain if I chose not to help you?”

Lu Xun held his tongue, for he had an onslaught of reasons why Lü Meng shouldn’t have helped him. All of which he held close to his heart, in fear that if Lü Meng knew the truth that he would not only refuse to help but would perhaps attempt to strike him down on the spot. In a contest of wit he might have been able to beat the general, but in strength, it was clear who’d be the victor. Eventually, Lu Xun managed to find his words again and he could not hide the relief in his voice as he bowed his head. “I appreciate your aid then-”

“But know that I’m not just going to give it to you, Lu Xun,” said Lü Meng, his gruff voice causing Lu Xun to flinch. “I’ll give you more assignments and more exposure, but whether you succeed or not is up to you. As I said, this will be putting you in direct competition of Zhu Ran and as you know, he’s extremely competitive and rather favored by Lord Quan and several generals here. He’ll push you to your limits, but don’t be afraid to push back… just don’t let it get too personal and never let it interfere with the overarching goal.”

It seemed like a tall order and Lu Xun’s initial reaction was to shirk, but he held it together and chose to see the opportunity that the general was giving him, rather than what hell he would have to endure by putting himself in Zhu Ran’s direct line of fire. The idea unnerved him but he imagined that Lü Meng’s own ascension had been filled with peril and adversity. It made him curious and now a new sense of longing began to consume him. He fought it down and it seemed well enough, as a soldier came rushing through the tent, confusion accenting his features as he demanded Lü Meng’s attention. “Sir, Deng Xuanzhi’s returned, with Hao Pu accompanying him.”

“Good. And Lord Han Dang and the rest of the men stationed around the fortress?”

“They made it in without a hitch.”

There was nothing Lü Meng could do to disguise his sigh of relief and so he chose to let them both see it. He regained his composure with minimal effort and gave the soldier a tight nod, before crossing his arms. “Good, good. I’ll go meet Lord Hao Pu in person.”

The soldier gave a salute and then led the general and the curious Lu Xun out the tent. Officers were standing at attention, each one just as perturbed as their neighbor on the sudden arrival of the Shu general. Lu Xun assumed what everyone else did as to why Hao Pu was here. Why else would he be here besides to surrender? So when Hao Pu bowed to Lü Meng and proclaimed his intentions, no one was surprised. They were surprised by Lü Meng’s reaction, as the laughter that suddenly erupted from the usually gruff and stoic general left them reeling. Not as much as poor Hao Pu, though, and the sudden but harmless slap on the shoulder gave him enough courage to straighten up, just as Lü Meng handed him the parchment that was stowed away in his breastplate for him to read.

All eyes were set upon Hao Pu as he read the note and his already ashened features turned white with horror, and Deng Xuanzhi was there to catch his friend as he seemed to lose all strength in his legs and went crashing down. Without uttering another word to the Shu general, Lü Meng suddenly turned to his men and grew serious once more. “Men, Lingling is ours. Prepare to march to Yiyang at once.”

No one questioned his orders, even when they didn’t completely understand the new direction. However, Lu Xun felt as though he was one step ahead of them and he let it be known as they made preparations to move out. He caught up with Lü Meng at the stables and made sure no one else was nearby before he approached him. “You deceived Deng Xuanzhi and Lord Hao Pu.”

“War is deception,” said Lü Meng flatly, his motions quick and with purpose, almost to the point of appearing hurried though Lu Xun would never dare push it. “We had already made wonderful time with the other two forts and really we couldn’t afford to bunker down for a long siege here, so I lied.” Then, in a moment of self realization and perhaps self doubt, he looked to Lu Xun for guidance. “Did I do a good job of it, you think?”

“You certainly fooled them, as well as the rest of the men I think.” Not that Lu Xun would admit that even he was fooled and he chose not to bring anymore attention to himself. Satisfied with his answer, Lü Meng went back to saddling his horse and now it was clear to see that he was rushing the process along, even to the point that Ying was beginning to grunt and resist him. All instincts told him to not to press the matter, but his curiosity got the better of him. “Sir, what’s the situation in Yiyang?”

“Not prime, which is why we need to hurry. The letter I received was an order requesting us to give up our pursuit of Lingling and reinforce Master Lu Su at Yiyang. Our enemy wasn’t quite as tied up as I allowed him to think, though once Lord Liu Bei hears of our capture of Lingling and our movement, he’ll divert his forces to meet us at Yiyang instead.” 

Despite Ying’s objections, Lü Meng managed to get the horse saddled and didn’t even wait to lead him out of the makeshift stables before hopping onto the saddle and ordering the stallion forward. Lu Xun was quick to saddle his own horse and guided him out, clinging onto Lü Meng’s words and the realization of the situation spreading over him like the sun’s rays at dawn. “The men I have stationed at Lingling should be more than enough to repel any Shu force that’s sent here, though I doubt they’ll throw too many resources here when they’ll need them elsewhere. Come, Lu Xun, we can discuss this in further detail later. Now’s the time for action.”

To that, Lu Xun couldn’t argue. Now he understood why he sent Zhu Ran to defend the newly captured Lingling and he felt little regret in his heart that he himself was more excited to get the opportunity to stand out and prove himself to his lord than any concern that Lü Meng was expressing in reaching Yiyang. It hadn’t occurred to him until halfway through their journey to Yiyang that the general’s desire to push them so fast had nothing to do with the desire to cross swords with their enemy but to bring much needed relief to the man he called his own mentor… and even then, what better way to shine than to rescue their current Chief-Commander from certain harm?


	40. Guan Yu's Vow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Wu must compromise with the God of War himself...

It hardly surprised Lü Meng to discover that the situation at Yiyang wasn’t nearly as dire as his lord’s letter had made it out to be. Whether it was a ruse of his own to push Lü Meng’s unit to its limits in capturing the final garrison or simply a change in the situation between the time the letter was sent and their arrival, the general wasn’t for certain, but he was more relieved than anything to see that the fighting had all but calmed down once he and his men arrived. No doubt Lu Su was far more capable to handle himself than others believed, he thought sardonically to himself, even as he pressed onward until he had caught up with the Chief-Commander.

Months, even years passed, since he last stood in the presence of his mentor and for a brief moment, it almost felt as though nothing changed. Lu Su maintained a deceptively warm presence though his smile felt genuine enough when he turned to face Lü Meng, as brief as it was. Suddenly his deeds at Lingling and the other two garrisons seemed so minor and insignificant and how quickly did Lü Meng seem to ease back into the student role, though he paid it no mind.

How could he, when he stared across at a supposed living legend? Guan Yu was a titan among men and just one look at him was almost enough to confirm such proclamations that he was something more than human. Lü Meng didn’t have the opportunity to meet the man during their campaign at Chibi nor at Nanjun and he couldn’t ignore the apprehension that trickled down his spine, even as he stood armed and ready to strike the man down (much to Lu Su’s disapproval). The man had to be well over two hundred centimeters tall and the weapon he held may as well have touched the stars, as he held it at his side, ready to swing the blade and start the fight anew. 

He was surrounded and it was clear who was the victor here and still he did not yield… an impressive feat, but one that dug under Lü Meng’s skin and was destined to remain buried there. He didn’t yield and he made that clear with every word he uttered and every breath he took. His very will seemed to exist to defy all opposition and Lü Meng would be lying if he did not find it impressive, as well as daunting.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Did you know then that he was to be your rival?” 

Lü Meng forced his breathing to calm as the mystic’s voice pulled him from the memory. Even then, Guan Yu’s presence held his attention, as though not even Zuo Cu’s magic could make him any less of a god that so many proclaimed him to be. Even now he could see the brick red face glowering through time and space. He blinked a few times to chase the image away, grunting as he did so. “Are we rivals now?”

“Are you?”

Lü Meng hardly considered the question and scoffed at the very notion of it. “No. I don’t think we’re rivals. Opposed to one another, or at least on my end, and my enemy, but not a rival.”

He could tell that Zuo Ci wasn’t convinced and he suspected that he’d remain so, should he allow the memory to play out. He knew it was coming and yet, he felt unprepared. Zuo Ci soaked in not only his verbal response but was also gauging his physical response as well as what Lü Meng wasn’t saying. He didn’t need to look hard to know he was skeptical and in turn Zuo Ci did not waste his time trying to mask it. “Forgive me if I don’t believe you, Lü Meng of Wu. I sense in you an animosity towards this man, one that I do not think you yourself are aware of. How can you be so determined to strike against this man, your ally, if there was not something personal for you? Your devotion to your kingdom and your duty, while admirable, cannot account alone for the bridge you’re preparing to burn.”

“Says you.”

“No. Says your memories…” Then, he added with an almost compassionate smile that Lü Meng wasn’t expecting to see. “As well as your heart.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The sight of Guan Yu standing across from them, weapon drawn and among soldiers that were equally eager to fight besides him, nearly sent Lü Meng into a frenzy, but more so than that it was his bold proclamation and the defiance that resonated from his deep voice. “The Jing province has been entrusted into my care, and I will not yield!”

It was just as much of an open invitation as any and Lü Meng was more than ready to accept that challenge. Not only in body but in mind, as the moment Guan Yu made his intentions clear, he was considering the best route to take and which of the officers that flanked the commander’s side would have been easier to down to reach the true target. And yet, all he could manage was to tighten the grip on his own glaive before Lu Su checked him. All Lu Su had to do was raise an arm and Lü Meng’s plans came to an abrupt end. He knew he should have felt shame from his mentor’s glare, but it simply wasn’t there. He felt no such shame. Silently, he lowered his glaive and refrained from action, for Lu Su’s sake more than anything.

“Regardless of Lord Liu Bei’s intent?” Lu Su was far stronger than most men know and it had little to do with his rather impressive stature, despite his occupation. Who else could stand in front of a living legend that so willingly defied him and looked ready to strike him down with a single blow and not at all looked bothered by any of it? There was not an ounce of fear present in Lu Su’s form and though he held his weapon at his side in a non-combative stance, there was an aura about him that warned against such attempts from either side. It was a side that Lü Meng, or most men of Wu, had ever seen and he held his tongue as to not hinder the Chief-Commander’s efforts here. 

It seemed that mentioning Guan Yu’s sworn brother had chipped the tiniest bit of that defiance away though it hardly made a difference. Guan Yu did not answer immediately, but when he did, there was conviction in it. “I have discretion in such matters.”

The words may have been matter-of-factly, but Lü Meng could not help but detect even the smallest bit of arrogance in it. He tried to stifle his growing disgust with the man and waited for Lu Su’s response. He knew him to be thinking and though he could not see his expression from this angle, he could see how the Chief-Commander’s shoulders became lax and the way he held himself bespoke of… resignation. “Very well then. Any further fighting between us will only serve Cao Cao’s best interests now.”

Lü Meng wasn’t the only one taken aback by the statement as Guan Yu’s eyes reflected the same surprise as he must have. It didn’t last long, though, and whereas Lü Meng struggled to hold his tongue, Guan Yu seemed to welcome the new turn of events. Before he could look too comfortable, Lu Su garnered his attention once more and the steel in his voice would have left even the keenest warrior on his toes as it was not a tone that any had heard from Lu Su. “But I must have you bow two things, however.”

Only when he had Guan Yu’s attention did he continue. “First, you must respect the alliance between Wu and Shu, whatever that may entail. Second, that you will use this province to oppose our common enemy, Cao Cao.”

It was brief, but easy to understand and simple in that no man, either general or strategist, could misconstrue it to any means. Even fuming with anger, Lü Meng understood that much and he admired Lu Su all the more for it. Guan Yu considered the vows and much to Lu Su’s relief, he brought his massive glaive to his side, a clear enough indication that he found these terms acceptable enough to stand down. “Very well. I swear on my honor.”

“Good, then we shall withdraw from this battle. I shall prepare a treaty and allow our respected lords to settle the matter between us. I wish you the best of luck on your future endeavors, Lord Guan Yu.”

Whatever tension lingered in the air between the two combatants had dissipated with only small pockets of it remaining within a few individuals. Lü Meng was among those left reeling but he maintained his silence, for Lu Su’s sake more than anything else. He would not hold on to his silence for long, he told himself, and he fully intended on holding true to that promise. What he did not expect, however, was that Lu Su would find a way to beat him to the punch and no sooner had their mounted their steeds and were far enough away from the Shu army, as well as the bulk of their own, the Chief-Commander cleared his throat, seemingly welcoming Lü Meng’s impending questions. “Well, go on. It’s not healthy to keep those kind of thoughts bottled up, remember?”

He spoke in a light hearted tone but Lü Meng wasn’t fooled. Not anymore. It was Lu Su’s coping mechanism, his way of maintaining a steady control of a situation and Lü Meng couldn’t help but ponder just how much control he had here. One of many of the questions burning within him but not a priority. “Master Lu Su, I don’t understand.”

“That much is obvious.”

He chose to ignore the jab and pushed his question forward, taking full advantage of their solitude and not at all meaning to undermine Lu Su’s command though he’d acknowledge if it were an unintended result of his curious mind. “We had Guan Yu defeated- with the capture of the garrisons I was assigned and Yiyang, Liu Bei nor anyone could deny our victory here. You could have killed Guan Yu. Why didn’t you?”

Yes, he -was- questioning his decisions and there was no way for him to deny this. And yet, even as he realized this, Lu Su belted out a hearty laugh that resonated within not only his own chest but Lü Meng’s as well and Lu Su’s chide left a deeper wound than he expected. “Me? Face down the famed God of War? Why if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’d wish me dead!”

“I… n-no, my lord! I’d never-”

“Relax, Lü Meng. It’s only a joke.”

It wasn’t something that Lü Meng was comfortable joking about but he kept his thoughts to himself. He was content to make the rest of the trip in silence, but it was a fruitless desire. He opened the floodgates and he was hardly surprised when Lu Su carried on, his humored tone trickling away so it wouldn’t sully the incoming lecture that Lü Meng knew was on its way. Despite how their duties kept them apart, Lu Su was still his mentor and Lü Meng accepted this without shame and how jarring it must have been for those that just accompanied him through Ruxukou and the three garrisons to see just how easily he slipped back into the role. “Lü Meng, your instincts to kill Guan Yu weren’t wrong.”

“It’s not?” He hiccuped more than he asked and it did nothing to detract from the solemnity of the situation. When Lu Su nodded, he pressed on. “Then why didn’t we-”

“Because you need to learn to pull back when necessary and manipulate your enemies, though from what a little bird told me you’ve done a marvelous job of that already at Lingling. I’d like to think that Lord Zhou Yu’s tickled pink in the afterlife to know that his hard work’s bearing fruit.” It was the closest thing to a compliment he’d receive and still it caused Lü Meng’s chest to swell with pride, even when it was short lived. “Still, you’re too guileless and brusque, and if unchecked, it’ll be the end of you, and then where will Master Zhou Yu’s hard work have been for?”

Whatever pride he captured was ruptured and Lü Meng swallowed his initial response. He bowed his head and accepted the criticism as best as he could. He did feel better knowing that Lu Su’s decision to pull out was all part of a bigger scheme and not simply out of fear of Guan Yu. “I see…”

“Although your honesty’s made you who you are and Wu, as well as our lord, will someday benefit from that honesty, more than I’d be wanting to believe.” How ashamed he must have looked in Lu Su’s eyes to cause him to soften up? He was grateful for it, initially, but he could not help but ponder about the tone of which his mentor took, as well as the way he made a point not to look at him, and it took much for him to ignore this nagging thought that buzzed in his mind, too soft to understand but strong enough to make its presence known. “Continue learning each day, and keep supporting the future of Wu. Then someday you’ll surpass me…” And then he smiled, and that nagging buzz may have well have been war drums beating against his skull. “And even Master Zhou Yu.”

“Master Lu Su…” Once again he hiccuped but this time his voice threatened to abandon him. He was trained, excessively, to seek deeper meanings and look past facades, and this even went beyond the training of the mind that Zhou Yu and this man subjected him to. Even his gut was screaming at him that something was horribly wrong, and what did he receive for it was a light hearted chuckle from the Chief-Commander which only added to his confusion and frustration. 

“Have no fear, Lü Meng! I have no intentions of passing off the reins so early,” Lu Su said eventually when he could speak without laughing, and relief washed over the general though it was hardly enough to rinse away the fear he felt altogether. It diluted it, yes, but it remained there, even as Lu Su carried on. “A joke, in poor tastes I suppose, given how fresh Master Zhou Yu’s passing is to most of us. With any luck, you won’t get to inherit this mess with Guan Yu for a good, long time, if at all. Now, let’s hurry back. We have this mess to clean up as well as prepare for Cao Cao’s next attack… no doubt he’d want to take full advantage of our quarrel here and we wouldn’t want to be caught with our britches down, now do we?”

“No, Master Lu Su.” Lü Meng managed a small smile in spite of himself. In all honesty, he was relieved to have his worst fears thwarted even at the expense of being mocked for it. As naive as it was, he wanted to have faith in Lu Su’s words and he took much comfort in the thought that he’d maintain his position as Chief-Commander for awhile yet. It was familiar, and welcomed, to him and bit by bit the internal nagging grew distant and disappeared entirely. For how long, he couldn’t say, but he’d welcome its absence for a good while.

~*~*~

As Lu Su promised, negotiations between the two kingdoms were put into effect, though with mixed results. He was hardly surprised to discover just how many were displeased with the idea of extending a hand of peace to their neighbor though he didn’t do anything to ignite those flames, as to not give his mentor anymore trouble than he’d have to deal with. Guan Yu, and thus Lord Liu Bei, would remain with the bulk of the Jing Province, much to the dismay of Lord Quan and many generals of Wu, with only two fiefs being granted to Wu, those of which were the two garrisons that surrendered to Lü Meng. The third and final garrison, Lingling, was to return to Liu Bei, and it had taken Lü Meng several bouts with Taishi Ci to finally rid himself of the incensed thoughts that threatened to undo all of his and his teacher’s hard work.

Few were happy with the outcome, but even fewer argued Lu Su’s point to maintain peace between their kingdoms. He had made a convincing argument and though even many weren’t too pleased with the idea of sacrificing the Jing Province for a second time, they could not deny the much-needed stability that this union offered for both of them, nor that they still shared a common foe in the north. In Lu Su’s eyes, the threat that Cao Cao of Wei posed on both nations far outweighed the personal insult that Guan Yu’s occupation of the Jing Province provided, and the worst part about it all was that Lü Meng knew he was right. He didn’t agree with his decision ultimately and he certainly did not like it, but he wouldn’t deny truth when presented so vividly before him.

He thought he hid his resentment well enough, even when he took to training with Taishi Ci again (though as always, the veteran had a way of weaseling the truth out of him), but the messenger’s arrival and the letter he carried with him warned him otherwise. Lord Quan wished to see Lü Meng at once and the general barely had time to pull his robes back on and pull his hair back into the ponytail to make himself presentable, much less think of what his lord could possibly wish to discuss with him. The message carried a sense of urgency but otherwise didn’t indicate much else, but that wouldn’t stop Lü Meng from dreading the worse. 

On the one hand he could be praised more for his efforts in the Jing Province, Taishi Ci reminded him, just as Lü Meng was quick to point out his decision to put off his lord’s orders to proceed with capturing Lingling (and how marvelously that turned out for them as he made sure not to lack a single ounce of bitterness now rather than allow any of it to spill forth with Lord Quan). He would soon find out and he could only hope that he was presentable enough to not cause his current company to sneer.

“You got my message so soon?” Lord Quan seemed just as surprised to see him so suddenly as he himself was to receive the message and it didn’t take long for the Sun lord to pardon the advisors present. Lü Meng paid them little mind, remaining bowed and submissive, more to hide his anxieties than anything else, and only once the last one departed did Lord Quan motion for him to rise. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re efficient and aren’t one to dawdle when given an order, at least, not when you have a good reason to. Come, walk with me.”

It was a mixed bag but Lü Meng didn’t resist the request. As he feared, Lord Quan was quick to allude to his decision to ignore his orders and he was more than ready to defend his actions as he followed his lord out of his office. “My lord, about that… I did not mean any disrespect by not following your orders immediately. I had an-”

“What are you talking about?” 

Lü Meng swore his hair stood on in from the chill that gripped him and how he managed not to stumble over his own feet could only be accredited to his countless hours spent sparring with Taishi Ci as he managed to stop just before bumping into his lord. When curious green eyes turned to him, he knew he had all but confessed his own disobedience and now there was the choice to lie and try to recover, or simply admit the truth and be done with it. Lu Su’s words chastised him even now and eventually, he gave in to natural instincts- he had lied about his inability to read prior and to no avail, he reminded himself. “My lord, I received your orders to disengage and assist Master Lu Su at Yiyang prior to my arrival at Lingling, however, I chose to put them off to secure Lingling first. Perhaps if I had given up on Lingling and moved when I received your orders first, Yiyang and Guan Yu’s defeat would have been certain, and for that, I accept whatever punishment you have in mind.”

What stopped him from bowing and presenting his neck was Lord Quan himself as the sudden hand to his shoulder was meant to keep him upright and he dared not shirk once their eyes met as no doubt his lord could see that as an affront. “Lord Lu Su’s right. You -are- too honest, and yet that’s what made your deception against Hao Pu so remarkable, I think. You’re predictable in the sense that you’re almost unpredictable and I think I could forgive your deliberate disobedience on this occasion. You had the best of intentions and had it not been for circumstances beyond your control, we would have had a third garrison to our name. Just do not make a habit of it.”

And with that, Sun Quan released him and carried on down the corridor and into the garden, threatening to leave a stumped Lü Meng behind. It didn’t take long for Lü Meng to catch up and he knew better than to look such a bountiful gift horse in the mouth, the only thing he sought to do was express his gratitude. “Absolutely not, my lord. Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” said Sun Quan, turning about and flashing Lü Meng a smile that he neither expected nor felt he deserved. He was caught between trying to fathom his lord’s game and simply going with the floor and the damndest part was that he was certain that he could see him waffling with indecisiveness. If anything his smile deepened and now Lü Meng was certain he was mocking him. “Barring your putting off in obeying my request, you’ve made excellent decisions as of late. Your strategies at Ruxukou and Lujiang were flawless, and the way you handled the bandits at Luling no doubt made those commanding Changsha and Guiyang quick to surrender, don’t you think?”

Lü Meng hardly considered the possibility of it so his modesty wasn’t at all feigned. “I merely thought them to have seen Wu’s banners and accepted the changing tides, my lord. Nothing more.”

“Nonsense, you belittle yourself to not think it was your reputation that caused them to surrender,” Sun Quan said with a laugh though there was little humor in it. If anything is seemed overflowing with confidence and it seemed as though Sun Quan intended for Lü Meng to absorb the surplus. The general tried to, even as he continued to entertain his lord with his undivided attention though it was hardly a difficult task with how his lord carried on. “You’ve made quite a name for yourself in the recent years and you’re still in your prime, and given what I’ve both heard of and seen you do, I’m certain that you’ll only continue your ascent. My brother was right to seek you when he did. I’d hate to imagine if another family had obtained a man of your talents.”

Lü Meng never considered it before. Had he remained in Fupo and never followed Deng Dang on that expedition, he’d be naught but a farmer without a penny to his name. He didn’t follow who owned the district in which his home resided in, for all he knew it could have been a part of Yuan Shu and then Wei, and the very idea that he could have served one such as Cao Cao, assuming he had ever set eyes on him and recognize the same talent that the two Sun brothers and Zhou Yu had apparently seen, nearly unnerved him completely. There wasn’t so much as disgust in the idea that he might have served one such as Cao Cao, but instead there was apprehension and just the general sense of the notion being completely wrong. He respected Cao Cao though he hardly liked the man, but he’d be lying if he did not see the Chancellor as a source of inspiration for his studies, but whatever admiration he held for Cao Cao ended there. Inspiration to better himself he may have been, he was still a threat and one worth working together with Lord Liu Bei and his incorrigible brother with. 

“My lord, I’m honored that my services have been favorable for you,” he said, choosing his words with care, as he did not wish to insult either Lord Quan or the spirit of Zhou Yu that surely lingered around. “I owe a great deal to your brother and to you, and absolutely nothing will ever change that. Your brother saved me and my family from an unfavorable life, and it was you and Master Zhou Yu that saw the potential in me to become more. Because of that, my life belongs to you and to the glory of Wu.”

He feared he went too far and the dread of coming off as either insincere or even brown-nosing crossed his mind, but Lord Quan seemed too honored by such a statement and the honest conviction behind it that he paused in his march to flash him a wide and welcoming smile. He could almost feel his own face wanting to contort to return the smile but he kept hold of the forced politeness that Zhou Yu drilled into him. He wanted to drop all defenses and be more open with Sun Quan, but Lu Su’s warning rung in his ears and the fear of offending his lord with his honesty kept such a wall in place. At least Sun Quan didn’t seem too offended, assuming he even noticed it at all. “I’m assuming that dramatic flare is part of Zhou Yu’s teaching. Ah, there are times I miss him more than anything, even my brother and father’s company, as wrong as that might sound.”

It wasn’t a topic that Lü Meng wanted to go into but now that it was dropped on the table, he couldn’t help but sympathize with his young lord. Only now did a bit of his defenses fall and Sun Quan noticed it immediately as though his shoulders were stiff, his eyes became dark and heavy. “I don’t think so, my lord. His death is still fresh in all our our minds and hearts, despite the years that’s passed.”

“And with current affairs, it’s so easy to be reminded of him, I suppose. One only has to look at our enemy to the north to remember how influential he was in his short time as Chief-Commander, as well as to the west, to our neighbors, to remind us of why he is no longer with us.”

There was a chilling resentment in his voice, one that Lü Meng couldn’t ignore, and he remained as he were as Sun Quan moved towards a particular ginkgo, resisting the urge to run his fingers through the leaves as to not disturb its essence. He wasn’t sure if it would bear fruit, or even if it could, but with the way it was meticulously maintained, he knew his lord to have favored it above all of the rest in the garden, though why he dared not ask. He thought little of the ginkgo in lieu of his lord’s clear dissatisfaction and that he dared to approach. “Are you suggesting that our allies are the cause for Master Zhou Yu’s early death?”

“Directly, no, but I can’t deny how he obsessed over their occupation of the Jing Province. That certainly didn’t help his health, and then the situation with the marriage… perhaps I’m being too bitter myself and making ridiculous assumptions. Zhou Yu was a brilliant man, but even he had his flaws.”

“As do we all.” Lü Meng didn’t need to be reminded of what his teacher’s flaws were and he certainly didn’t want to be reminded of what lead him to an early grave. He didn’t want to get wrapped up in those emotions again and so he picked at a different wound that his lord exposed, if only to know what he’d have to do to help it heal. “My lord, you don’t sound too thrilled with our current alliance with Shu.”

“Do I? I can’t deny it, if you’re so quick to pick up on it.”

Quick nothing, Lü Meng thought, tightening the grip on his own shoulder and grateful that Sun Quan could not see it thanks to the training robes. It didn’t take a brilliant strategist like Zhou Yu nor Lu Su to pick up on the disdain in his lord’s tone and his silence only encouraged Sun Quan to carry on, confiding in his general with little hesitation now that it was drawn out in the open. “I’m not entirely content with how this alliance is playing out, though I cannot deny that it’s necessary for both of us to maintain friendly relations. So long as Lord Cao Cao remains in power in the north, we cannot afford for there to be any animosity between us, and not only that, but for my sister’s sake as well.”

The general had no opinions he wanted to share with his lord in regards to his sister in lieu of the more important problems that clearly came with their alliance. “A foul tasting medicine but for the best for everyone involved.”

“I suppose, but it seems more than obvious that they are the ones receiving the most benefits from this alliance, don’t you think? Perhaps I’m still bitter about Zhou Yu’s departure and that clouds my judgement, but I know enough to know when we are being taken advantage of. And I suspect I’m not the only one that feels that way.”

“You’re not,” Lü Meng said, almost chuckling but just managing to catch himself before it broke free from his chest. It pleased him to know that he and his lord were on the same boat, but his mind immediately jumped to Lu Su’s stance and where his own boat now rocked on the matter of his insistance of them maintaining their alliance. Were those waves threatening to tip him over and how would he remain afloat if his faith in Lord Liu Bei wasn’t returned? He didn’t even know why he began to fear for Lu Su’s safety but the fear was there and he couldn’t deny it, in spite of himself. “However, Master Lu Su’s correct, at least for now. There’s nothing to say we can’t use this alliance to our advantage as well.”

He suspected he was approaching dangerous waters of his own when Sun Quan peered over his shoulder to glare at him, but that fear was short-lived, as he gave a resigned bob of the head and then ventured deeper into the garden. Lü Meng followed, despite there being no order either direct or subtle beyond his lord’s words still being directed towards him. “Yes, this alliance does offer us some advantages, albeit minor compared to what we can offer them. I’m certain that’s what Lu Su is going to strive for while he’s Chief-Commander.” Then, he broke into an almost tickled grin and Lü Meng couldn’t help but ponder what grand joke he just missed to cause such a humored expression to glisten in those emerald eyes of his. “He’ll be the one stationed along our body to deal with our neighbor. I almost pity him.”

Lü Meng scoffed and though he hardly shared any of his lord’s humor, he couldn’t help but feel some measure of pity for his teacher now that he knew of his fate. “It’s almost a punishment in itself.”

“Quite so, but I have no doubt he’ll work wonders in keeping Lord Guan Yu appeased, and on his side of the border. I may not completely agree with his decision, but I have faith that if there’s anyone in Wu that can keep our kingdoms in good relations with one another, look no further than Lu Su.” 

“I’m certain he feels honored by such a compliment.” He didn’t care much for the idea of turning his mentor into the butt of a joke, but he meant every word of it. He knew Lu Su would give his all for the sake of their alliance and if anything, he felt that Guan Yu wasn’t deserving of having such a good man as his neighbor. He had to remind himself that it wasn’t for Guan Yu’s sake, but their lord’s as well as Lord Liu Bei, a man that his mentor held such remarkable faith in. He didn’t understand, but he could not turn a blind eye to it and he felt it wasn’t his place to judge. So Lu Su saw something in Liu Bei that he didn’t- it wouldn’t be the first time another person saw something he didn’t and he was content with the idea that they simply knew better than him.

“I feel I must apologize to you, however.” His attention was pulled away from Lu Su and back to Sun Quan and he didn’t trust himself with words. He merely looked at his lord and allowed his face to speak for him. Thankfully, Sun Quan caught on and dropped the other shoe. “You may have made it look easy, but I know you worked hard to obtain those three garrisons, and it feels wrong that I cannot reward you with all three. Out of the negotiations, we did manage to obtain the two that surrendered and Lu Su agrees that the fiefs of Xunyang and Yangxin shall be rewarded to you.”

It was hardly anything worth apologizing for in Lü Meng’s eyes. This was a reward, nevertheless, even if it did not include the third, and only then did he remove his arms from his sleeves to display the depths of his gratitude. “My lord, I am honored, truly!”

“I trust they’ll be in dependable hands then, though I hope they won’t become too much of a burden. Especially now that we’ll be plotting an assault to the north soon, though I’m certain you’ll manage the new responsibilities just fine.”

The surprises never ended but it wasn’t news of their movement north that surprised him. Lu Su had suspected as much and it was that weariness of Cao Cao’s inevitable movements south that rushed their current Chief-Commander into pushing for an alliance despite their perceived advantage over Guan Yu. No, what took him off guard was the notion of there being new responsibilities and he felt like a fool to have to parrot his lord. “New responsibilities, my lord?”

“Yes. As per agreement with Lord Liu Bei, we’ll be launching a two pronged attack against Wei. We are to launch our assault and capture Hefei, simultaneously while Liu Bei strikes Wei at Hanzhong, and I wish for you to take command of that expedition.”

Again, Lü Meng was taken off guard and he wasn’t even sure where to begin. He saw the wisdom in the two-pronged attack, but that had then implied that Cao Cao had now occupied the area and thus posed a greater threat to Shu than he did to Wu in the short term. Attacking simultaneously would break up the Wei forces but no doubt Shu’s goal was to use them as a distraction. He tried to think of the area of Hefei and what advantages, if any, it held, but it was hard to concentrate on that when the idea that -he- would be leading such an expedition nearly struck him blind. “My lord, I’m honored that you would consider me for such a role, but wouldn’t it be better to put Master Lu Su in such a commanding position? After all, he’s our Chief-Commander.”

“And take him away from his duties maintaining good relations with our neighbor? While I have doubt in his ability to prepare for such an assault, I feel that something of this magnitude is more of your level of expertise than Lu Su’s. Looking at your track record, you’ve have far more success in the martial spectrum of war, have you not?”

It was hard to deny it. He had always been on the battlefield, even when he produced his strategies, he took to the fields far more than Lu Su ever did. He couldn’t help but remind himself of Ruxukou and once again Sun Quan’s praise left him feeling perplexed. He wanted to feel honored and he couldn’t deny the swelling of pride in his chest, but there was something else that accompanied it and he hated how he couldn’t put his finger on it. Sun Quan saw his dismay and countered it with a warmer smile than he felt he deserved, perhaps as a way to win him over with kindness when flattering his ego didn’t seem to work in his favor. “I understand you might feel some reservations on it, but I have nothing but the utmost faith that you’d be far more suited to the role of this task than I do with Lu Su. No disrespect for him, but his specialty has always been seeking peaceful resolutions and managing logistics behind a desk, whereas you, general, your strengths have always been on the battlefield, be is producing strategies or partaking in battles. I’ve witnessed your strategies deflect Wei’s greater forces at Ruxukou with minimal effort on your part and I’ve seen you fight. And I know I’m not the only one that feels you more than capable of this, as not only has Lu Su spoken on your behalf, but Taishi Ci as well.”

If Sun Quan’s goal was to render Lü Meng stupefied, he succeeded without a shadow of a doubt. Lü Meng felt his heart leap into his chest and his cheeks burn, and Sun Quan immediately felt sympathy for his general as he explained. “I suspected he didn’t inform you, but he’s been monitoring several candidates after Zhou Yu’s passing, ones that could succeed Lu Su should the unthinkable become of him. You were among the top of his list and along with Lu Su’s praise, it’s only a matter of time before the reins are passed onto you.”

It wasn’t so much as flattering as it was overwhelming and he took a few moments to dedicate to just breathing so that he could consider his words. Yes, it was hard to argue their assessments and he thought he believed himself to be capable, but it felt too sudden. Were they not still reeling from Zhou Yu’s passing? And yet, with war, death could come suddenly, so was there truly a ‘too soon’ when it came to making preparations? He focused on breathing and sorted out the rest in due time, trying his best not to sound disrespectful even when he rose his objections. “I’m honored they both share such an opinion, but wouldn’t someone more experienced and well respected by the men be more suitable for leading this expedition?”

“Such as? No other name comes to mind.”

“Master Taishi Ci comes to mind,” said Lü Meng. “His prowess in battle is unmatched by any here and I have no doubts that there are many in Wei that are weary of him.”

Sun Quan seemed to consider such a possibility but it was short lived. “I don’t doubt it. Few here in Wu have ever bested him in combat. Even my brother could only manage to end in a draw against him and he’s still among the greatest and most skilled fighters I know. But don’t discredit yourself, Lü Meng. You may not realize it but your name carries farther than you think and continues gaining ground each day. I wouldn’t worry too much about offending either Lu Su or Taishi Ci, not when both of them share the same faith in you that I do. Trust their judgement and accept this position. Prove to yourself and to our enemy what we already know you’re capable of, Lü Meng.”

Lord Quan’s tone was encouraging, almost deceptively so, and the subtle but unmistakable undercurrent warned him that he had little choice but to accept the position if push came to shove. He felt foolish to even have considered not accepting it- he’d do anything for Lord Quan and now that he won the praise of not just their current Chief-Commander but the respected and honored veteran Taishi Ci, there was no other path before him. To resist further, either out of genuine modesty or downright stubbornness, would have only insulted their greater judgement and he wouldn’t have that on his conscious. With his brain swirling with strategies to combat the attempts of self-doubt that tried to rise up and his chest swelling with pride, he bowed to Lord Quan and made sure that only the deepest and utmost respect could be heard in his voice. “Then it will be done, Lord Quan. Your faith in me will not be misplaced.”

He could feel Sun Quan’s relief from here, but he could not see the depths of his smile, nor the ambition that burned brightly in those emerald eyes of his.


	41. Detoxification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's up to Taishi Ci to de-stress Lü Meng before their battle at Hefei and Lü Meng does not make it easy...

On paper, victory may as well have been reassured, if one simply looked over the number differential that existed between the two fractions. Hefei was guarded by a mere few thousand with reinforcements being days, if not perhaps months, away. Compared to their own hundred thousand, it was easy to see just how quick many officers were willing to act as though they had already won the battle. Lü Meng, while not standing among those so certain of victory, was fairly confident in the situation and his planning. His visit with Lord Quan in his garden and the knowledge of Lu Su’s and Taishi Ci’s approval had been more than enough to take on such a task and his lord’s enthusiasm in the expedition as well as just how much resources and men he was willing to put into the expedition had certainly done wonders for his confidence.

Hubris didn’t look kindly at such arrogance but there was little time for him to consider such things. He had never planned for such an expedition this size and while he wasn’t alone in the planning (something that should have left a gaping wound in his pride and yet he welcomed any who threw their horse into the race at this point), it was still an undertaking. With so much to plan for and to study, whatever time he had left could be spent considering a contingency plan should the worst happen, so he thought.

What Lord Quan had failed to mention to him and he had discovered on his own was that their lord had every intention on not only accompanying them to Hefei, but to participate in the battle as well, as the vanguard no less. Any effort spent trying to convince him otherwise had resulted in an immediate dismissal. At least his lord had offered a solid explanation for Lü Meng when his general questioned him during his failed endeavor to convince him to reconsider. 

“What better way to raise the morale of our forces and bring out their fighting spirit than seeing their leader accompany them?” 

His lord had the best of intentions in mind and it was his intentions, more so than the fact that he had made it adamantly clear that nothing or no one would convince him otherwise, that eventually caused Lü Meng to give up his fight and simply work with the idea. He took comfort that he wasn’t alone on his stance at least and many assured him that with so many loyal and capable officers that their lord would be safe. Of those present, Zhou Tai and Lianshi were the ones that gave him the most peace of mind and it allowed him to continue his own duties with minimal disturbances. If anyone could keep Sun Quan safe, he knew it’d be those two, and should they fail, he was confident that the rest would rush to his rescue should the worst happen.

How many nights did he spend awake, looking over maps and writing down orders, tallying up their forces and delegating them from one officer to the other? How many candles did he burn through and how easily did he lose track of them when Ren had to send their oldest to fetch more and not once did he notice his absence? A typhoon may as well have been happening around them and he might have noticed it was windy, should it knock over a scroll or find a way to disrupt his work or a drip of rain had ruined his map, had he not memorized it all by now. Comforts such as sleep and meals were scarce to him and he made no verbal complaints to either his wife or the officers that would come in to take his orders or relay their findings. 

Despite their larger forces, Lü Meng didn’t want to leave any stone unturned and he didn’t care if this bothered his fellow officers. He was busy with work, but not deaf to their criticisms, even when they tried to hide it. Meticulous, overbearing, too cautious, were among the nicer ones he overheard and he chose to focus on his work instead of address their concerns. The letters he received from Lu Su from Xunyang confirmed that he had been going about their expedition in proper form and his advice to consider leaving an escape route open was well-heeded, much to the engineers’ dismay.

Lord Quan had even questioned the need to construct docks along the river bank and Lü Meng had an explanation planned, though his lord thought little of it. Though they were coming in a hundred thousand strong, it was prudent to leave an escape route open and Lü Meng had more faith in the river’s current and their ships than their horses in this terrain. He could see Lord Quan’s less than enthusiac consideration but ultimately he agreed and sent a task force and engineers forward to procure the area. This would no doubt alert the Wei forces at Hefei of Wu’s inevitable arrival, but when one was leading an army as massive as this, it was inevitable that they’d alert a few scouts. 

It seemed like in no time at all they were mobilizing and soon, Hefei would be in sights. He felt they were moving too fast but he only had himself to blame. When one’s nose was trapped in parchment and maps, time seemed to zoom on by without thought or care to those not paying attention and he couldn’t deny just how invested he was with this expedition. 

And why shouldn’t he be? He knew how important victory here was for Wu, though it seemed he’d have to remind a few officers of this. A small commotion was what lured him out of the cabin and it hardly surprised him to see who the instigators of the little ruckus were. His presence alone had managed to cause Ling Tong to back down and Gan Ning’s grin was a lot more welcoming than he expected as he just about flung himself at the general. “Hey, I was wondering if we’d ever see your haggard ol’ face again, Ossan.”

Lü Meng snorted but otherwise chose to ignore the nickname for now. In a way, their exchange tearing him away from the maps was a welcome reprieve, even if it’d only be for a few minutes. It had been awhile since he saw Gan Ning and as nerve wracking as he was at times, it did bring him some joy to see him accompanying them. He didn’t let either one see his relief, though, as he butted in. “You’ll be seeing a lot more of me over the course of the next few weeks, so you might be eating your words. What’s the problem this time?”

“Nothing.”

No one believed Ling Tong and Gan Ning was the one that called him out. “Your boy over there’s a little antsy about the upcoming fight. Says he doesn’t get it... though what’s there to get besides we’re going to demolish our enemies?”

Ling Tong sneered and if he was willing to back off from engaging in any more arguments with Gan Ning, that chance was gone the moment the former pirate opened his mouth. “It’s always so simple with you, isn’t it? Though I guess if I was nothing more than a witless pirate I’d be just as happy to spill blood, doesn’t matter who’s blood it is.”

“That’s enough, Ling Tong.” 

The officer in question squared his shoulders and bit back his reply at the reprimand, and Lü Meng snapped a glare at Gan Ning before the former pirate could think to retaliate, causing him to recoil without so much as having to say a word to him. He motioned for the two to follow him into his cabin, more so to spare the men that either needed to focus on their guard shift or sleep than anything else. Ling Tong preceded him into the cabin and held the curtain open for him and for the moment, Lü Meng chose to focus on Ling Tong’s concerns for the upcoming battle rather than his heated retaliation to Gan Ning calling him out. “Don’t look so down. In this fight, we have the advantage.”

He entered the cabin and he was content to hear the bells that jingled after him. At least Gan Ning was being obedient. That in itself was a load off his mind though one couldn’t tell just by looking at him. Somehow when there were other officers involved, it was easier for him to maintain such a strict control on his own demons, as how could they look to him for guidance if they realized that his were just as terrifying and monstrous as theirs? He returned to his seat at the table where a map laid cluttered with markers and chips, listening to Ling Tong’s concerns and not noticing how he had pulled the curtains closed in Gan Ning’s face until he noted Gan Ning’s brow crinkled with annoyance. “I get that, but why? We’re attacking Wei at Shu’s request. Why should we help them? What’s in this for us?”

His concerns were sound, far sounder than Gan Ning’s jibe had implied, and it was that which made him more sympathetic towards Ling Tong’s frustration than he really should have been. He reclaimed his seat and invited the other two to do the same and he had to hold his breath when Gan Ning threatened to scatter the chips onto the floor when he propped his feet onto the edge of the table. Ling Tong glowered towards him but thankfully bit his tongue and Lü Meng offered Ling Tong the best and only explanation he had come up with when he considered the question himself. “It’s for our own sake as well that we must capture Hefei and stop Wei’s march south. It’s not simply out of a courtesy to Shu that we do this but Wu would benefit from it’s success as well.”

Or so he assumed. Lord Quan admitted that the main cause for their march north was out of agreement with Lord Liu Bei, but he knew that there’d be considerable benefits to acquiring Hefei. No doubt it would only be the start of a lengthy campaign north, though Lü Meng had some reservations towards it. They’d be entering unknown territory and the terrain wasn’t entirely best for naval travel, which would mean they’d have to leave their boats and the advantages they had with them behind. Capturing land was often easy, but defending newly acquired land without knowledge of the terrain was a horse of an entirely different color. And speaking of horses, Wei held the advantage of not only knowledge of terrain but in the terrain itself- the flatlands would benefit their cavalry greatly and they were far more experienced on mounted combat than most in Wu.

His train of thought derailed when he was forced to glare down at the map and only then did he allow the other two to see a fraction of the very human self-doubt that their general struggled to keep contained. “Hefei may not offer much, but any ground we gain against Wei to impede their march south against Wu is worth taking, even though it looks like Shu would benefit more from this endeavor than we would.”

“I suppose,” Ling Tong said though it was clear he wasn’t completely convinced. Lü Meng couldn’t blame him. Ling Tong was only thinking what was already on several other officers’ minds and perhaps even his own, which had meant that they needed victory here more than ever if only to convince Ling Tong and the rest that they were on the right course. He knew they didn’t mean it out of disloyalty to Lord Quan or Wu, but the idea of assisting their western allies, especially after their recent scuffle in the Jing Province, simply left a sour taste in many of their mouths. Lü Meng’s especially, though he tried not to let Ling Tong see the depths of it should that negate any good he managed to accomplish with their discussion. The best solution was to simply find victory in this battle, he figured to himself, not at all taking Ling Tong’s lack of enthusiasm to heart when he could truly sympathize with him. “Still, seems we’re going out of our way to scratch their backs when they can’t be bothered to scratch ours.”

“Give it time, Ling Tong. Our lord wouldn’t push such an expedition if it wasn’t for Wu’s best interests.”

He was sincere with his statement but Ling Tong remained unconvinced. He leaned back, snatching a chip from the map as he did so. There was simply no water in that well and he’d be damned if he’d waste anymore time trying to squeeze a single drop of it out of it. He turned his attention to Gan Ning, noting the near bored expression in his eyes though he had little to fear when it came to whether this man’s heart would be in the upcoming fight or not. It’d be a bloodbath and he had no doubt that Gan Ning would be in the middle of it, regardless of if he ordered him there or not. 

Immediately Lü Meng felt guilty for even humoring such a thought. Gan Ning had been considerably more obedient as of late but how long would it last? In a way, he was grateful to have him participating in this campaign- a good fight would do him and the rest of the men good as it kept the former pirate’s murderous tendencies in check, as well as guaranteed that the job would be done without fear of risking any more lives. Once again guilt nibbled at his conscious and tried as he might to beat it back with logic and justification, like a farmer keeping a pack of wolves at bay with a flimsy cattail, the truth remained known to him that he was certainly using him to his advantage. The question was whether Gan Ning knew it or not, and if he did know, if he resented it or not.

It was something he never felt comfortable with and he expressed it with not only Lu Su but the late Zhou Yu as well, though to little success. Part of being a strategist was knowing their men well enough to use them to their full potential, even when it meant sending them out to possible, or even certain, doom. Thus far he’d been lucky and Gan Ning had not only met his expectations but exceeded them and his gut told him that he would do the same here at Hefei. Maybe then the men would feel more comfortable about working with a man that consistently defied orders and had outright murdered a servant in cold blood.

“Gan Ning, you’ll be the key to this battle, so I’m going to have to ask you to trust me when it comes to assigning tasks,” he said, flashing the former pirate a confident grin and not at all surprised at the way those crimson eyes of his gleamed with delight. Was it the idea of being in the thick of things that caught his interests or Lü Meng fueling his ego that triggered it, the general wondered though dared not question him aloud. Why should it matter what the fuel of his enthusiasm was when it was sorely needed? He tossed the chip to Gan Ning and he had no doubt that he’d snatch it in midair, throwing his feet over the side and sitting up straight to catch it without ever once taking his eyes off Lü Meng. “You’ve already proved to us that you’re a force to be reckoned with and now it’s time for you to display that to the likes of Zhang Liao and Wei. Remind them who the famed Pirate of the Silken Sails is and why he should be feared by all!”

“Right! Leave it to me.” Gan Ning was riled up and it threatened to consume Lü Meng, but he held it in if only to keep up the illusion of a calm and controlled commander. No good could come if one didn’t hear nothing short of absolute resolution and confidence from their commanding officer and despite his attachment to both men, they were not exempt. “They’ll know fear by the time I’m done with them!”

“Tch, are you sure your ship can carry the weight of your thick skull?” 

Ling Tong’s jab was both threatening and harmless all at once. Lü Meng could detect the sarcasm in that voice as Ling Tong intended for it to be so heavy, but he could also detect the sharpened steel beneath that smarmy coating, and no doubt Gan Ning did as he leaned across the table and glared at the younger officer. Only Ling Tong could blow off such a murderous glare and Lü Meng was spared having to break them up by a tap on the door frame, followed by a welcomed arrival. “I’m not disturbing anything, am I?”

“Not at all, Master Taishi Ci,” said Lü Meng, speaking clearly and dropping a hint of his own to the two officers that glared at once another over his carefully constructed map. Neither of them jumped at once another and tersed tone warned the two to back off before they ruined his hard work and by the time Taishi Ci stood within arm’s reach of them, Gan Ning backed away first. Lü Meng was pleasantly surprised and pleased and it showed a little too much in the way he almost melted into his own seat with a sigh. “Just reviewing the map and going over a few details. You’re welcomed to join us-”

Taishi Ci was willing, but Gan Ning growled something beneath his breath before pushing his stool back to announce his departure. Lü Meng couldn’t make out the former pirate’s expression from this angle but he could see the sudden apprehension in Taishi Ci’s eyes as the two exchanged glares and even Ling Tong seemed startled by the intensity of their brief staredown. In the blink of an eye it was over and the first to break contact was the former pirate himself, another surprise to those present as he pushed himself away from the table and took his leave. Lü Meng was willing to leave it be but not Ling Tong. Perhaps the idea that anyone else could trigger such an open act of aggression from the famed Gan Ning interested him more than anything else but he couldn’t stop himself from grinning at what he just witnessed. “So… what was -that- all about?”

“I’ve no idea,” Taishi Ci said, his tone leaving little to dig into for even the wisest and cleverest of strategist. 

Lü Meng wasn’t even going to try. He simply assumed something occurred between the two without his knowledge and he only asked the one question that was on his mind. “You think this will affect either of your performances in the upcoming battle?”

“No. To that I’m certain.” Taishi Ci seemed confident enough and that would simply have to be enough for Lü Meng. He already had his doubt between Gan Ning and Ling Tong and it reflected in how he kept their units as far away from one another as possible, which given the size of their army was a fairly easy task and he didn’t want to think about having to do the same for Gan Ning and Taishi Ci. “I have no doubt that we’ll all do our parts and find victory here.”

“Yeah, with how many we got going into this fight and Lü Meng slaving over it, seems we got it in the bag.” Ling Tong’s words sounded far more confident than he did and Lü Meng’s scowl did little to change his tune. Not that Lü Meng blamed him. This was simply Ling Tong’s way of coping with stress of his own and he admired him for it. “Well I guess I should go get my troops ready. Thanks for putting me in the vanguard, by the way.”

“Think nothing of it. If our lord insists on leading the forces out the gate, I’d feel much more comfortable having as many good officers nearby. I figured having a close friend of his there backing him couldn’t hurt either.” He held nothing back in his explanation and meant every word of it. So what if he was mocked for his concerns, so long as it meant Lord Quan’s safety was guaranteed? He trained under the likes of Zhou Yu and Lu Su. He could handle a few jokes being flung around at his expense. “Keep an eye on him, Ling Tong. I don’t think I should have to say that, but-”

Ling Tong waved him off without a care in the world and took his leave, chiding the general as he did so. “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to our lord, so rest easy if you’re capable of such a thing.”

He could tell he was only half joking and instead of feeling relieved upon his departure, Lü Meng’s stress only flourished. Once Ling Tong was out of earshot, he grumbled aloud, either forgetting that he wasn’t alone or simply allowing Taishi Ci the honor of seeing his distress. “Rest easy, he says, as if I’m capable of it, he says, when he knows I won’t.”

“You need to calm down.” Taishi Ci spoke in an almost hushed tone but Lü Meng caught the steel behind it well enough. He didn’t speak in a chastising tone nor belittling and his concern was clear to hear, but he also wasn’t going to coddle him. And he had no reason to, Lü Meng reminded himself. Both of them were generals of war and were beyond such paltry things and after spending years under Zhou Yu’s tutelage he didn’t fancy the idea that he would need such gentle coaxing to do his job when it’d offer him no good. Still, the stress he felt… “When did you last eat?”

Lü Meng shook his head and dismissed the idea. “I’m well fed.”

He could tell that Taishi Ci didn’t believe him and it had little to do with some profoundly keen senses that Lü Meng was beginning the veteran possessed. If one took a glance towards the small table to the left of the entrance, they could see the most recent victim of his lacking appetite as the food there was discarded, either for hours or even days, Taishi Ci wasn’t completely sure. Bits and pieces looked nibbled on but even from this angle he could tell that it wasn’t from any human he knew. Lü Meng knew the evidence was damning but he paid it no mind, observing the map though absolutely nothing had changed, and when Taishi Ci remained, he surrendered to his own curiosity. “Can I help you?”

“I’ve come to check on you.”

Lü Meng resisted the urge to snort as he feared it’d come off rude, especially since he knew that the general’s concern was legit. “Of course you have. I’m as fine as one can be, given my situation.”

And he honestly believed it, but he couldn’t blame Taishi Ci for not believing him. The evidence showing otherwise was staggering but what right did he have to complain? Zhou Yu and Lu Su had done far more grueling preparations than he had done here and if anything, their lord had done most of the planning here with Lü Meng merely checking his work and offering suggestions here and there for improvement. It wasn’t nearly as grand as Lord Quan had implied it would be in the garden, but perhaps that was bulk of his stress. Producing strategies for Zhou Yu and Lu Su was one thing, but taking another person’s strategies and attempting to improve them without offending him… 

“Forgive me for being blunt, but you don’t look fine. You look as though you haven’t eaten and slept in days.”

Lü Meng didn’t deny any of his observations, even as he scoffed. “This is how I naturally look, apparently. As Gan Ning or anyone else that feels like calling me ‘Old Man’. Besides, I’ve gone longer without eating before- I know my limits.”

It wasn’t the best thing for him to say and he regretted those words the moment they left his lips. Taishi Ci’s battle hardened features scrunched into a scowl but it didn’t last long. Lü Meng admired that about his fellow officer, more so than he was ever willing to admit, that even when he had managed to dig under his skin that it never lingered long enough to leave a mark. Of all the things that Taishi Ci taught him, that was something he still had trouble with, at least when it came from certain individuals. “Lü Meng, of all the times to test your limits, now is not the time, not when your lord and your reputation will be on the line. While I respect your devotion to this assignment, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your health. That wasn’t the reason why I pushed you above the other candidates and myself and I would appreciate it if you would realize this.”

Lü Meng was expecting to be scolded, but not to this degree, and he couldn’t help but ponder where it had come from. From where he was seated, he sounded borderline hostile and he half pondered if it was just his stressed mind getting the better of him. No, it wasn’t, he was determined. In thinking that, it would discard whatever concerns Taishi Ci did have and he didn’t want to be responsible for that, not after all the general done for him. “You’re right, Master Taishi Ci, forgive me. It was a poor choice of words and I fear my stress has gotten the better of me as of late.”

“It has, but I have to question why.” Taishi Ci’s tone softened but only slightly and now his concern was even more obvious at it blended well with his confusion. “I understand it’s in your nature to give your all into everything you do. No one has ever questioned your devotion, and I have no doubt that everything that you’re doing is fueled only by your desire to serve our lord and his kingdom, but there’s no need to overdo it here, especially at the cost of your health,” then, he smiled and took Lü Meng off guard. “Or your sanity. Remember, we have the advantage here and I’m sure it’d distress Lord Quan to know that you weren’t well because you overdid it here.”

He knew Taishi Ci didn’t mean to offend him, but the feeling was there nevertheless. He understood what the general was trying to do and in a way he was correct. Not that he’d want to admit it, but still, to have anyone make light of his concerns and stress and then throw the blame on him just left a sour taste in his mouth and he felt boxed in. If Taishi Ci’s goal was to calm him down, he wasn’t doing that great of a job and he let it be known. “You’re right, this SHOULD be an easy battle, but still, I’d feel better if we were absolutely prepared-”

“Lord Zhou Yu would be proud to see you taking your duty so seriously and he would appreciate your thoroughness, however, he’d likely also accuse you of overreaching. You can’t control everything either on the battlefield or in front of a map and if you attempt to do so, you’ll only exhaust yourself needlessly.”

Lü Meng felt the hair on the back of his neck bristle and he did nothing to hide his uncomfortableness from him. He didn’t trust himself to say anything yet and gave Taishi Ci more fodder for his well-meaning and controlled tirade. “Wu is blessed to have so many valuable officers and one of its greatest assets is Lord Quan. His gift is to see the talents of his officers and know exactly how to use them to their full potential, just as he saw the potential in you, long before Lord Zhou Yu did. It’s hardly any wonder why Lord Sun Ce chose him as his successor before his untimely passing.”

It wasn’t a name he heard mentioned often anymore and at the moment, Lü Meng was more than a little upset that the name was dropped now. If it wasn’t already bad enough to be told he was stressing over nothing, but now his mind wanted to dwell on those that he hadn’t realized he missed until they were brought up. He thought of Lord Sun Ce and lamented that he couldn’t be there for him in his final days- perhaps if he had remained a bodyguard, the ambush might not have happened or he could have saved his lord’s life at the cost of his own. And despite the years, the mere thought of Master Zhou Yu’s passing and how anguished he was over the loss of the Jing Province still struck him deep. He tried to push them away from his mind though he knew it’d be useless. He said nothing. He didn’t trust himself to say anything now.

“I understand our lord’s taken over the bulk of the planning, yes? Trust his judgement, Lü Meng. Believe in him and his dream, and be there to support him. He surrounds himself with the best and most talented men and he knows what each is capable of, so trust him. Trust them. Isn’t that also part of being a great commander?”

Would it be so easy? Lü Meng wanted to think so, and yet, since when did anything come easy to him besides trusting his instincts and fighting? He may have trained under Wu’s finest strategist but this still didn’t come easy to him sometimes. But then he knew that sometimes, the best solution wasn’t what came easy, and so he tried to let it go. “I’m not sure why you put my name in for this, Master Taishi Ci, as I clearly have a lot left to learn.”

“You’re a quick learner, so don’t worry.” Taishi Ci’s smile was far more comforting than he wanted to admit and he was grateful to have allowed anyone to see his more vulnerable side, if only to have a release. Being at the top of the ladder around others when he felt just as lost and dazed as them was far more stressful than he thought it would be and why he felt so exposed when he knew he could handle such duties was beyond him. “That’s always been one of your greatest assets, Lü Meng, and that’s you ability to adapt to a situation. Should the worst happen, I have no doubt that you’ll not only survive but ensure the best possible outcome. You have a strong will to survive and come out on top, and I have no doubt that it’d come in handy here. Not that I think it will be necessary at Hefei, but in the long run with the rest of our campaign north.”

He sounded so sure. Lü Meng only wished he held such confidence in anything and yet he knew Taishi Ci neither lied nor exaggerated here. To not agree with him would only betray that man’s trust and that was what ultimately caused him to give in. He let out a heavy sigh and swore he’d float away now that the weight was off his shoulders, only to be surprised that he was still grounded to his spot. “Then… I’ll take your advise, Master Taishi Ci. I won’t betray your trust, nor our lord’s and that of the men. Thank you.”

“It is no trouble at all. Now, can I trust you to eat or rest on your own, or will I be forced to expose the stowaway to the rest of the unit to enlist her aid tonight?”

Lü Meng winced and after a few unbearable seconds of silence, he eventually asked, “What gave her away?”

“Lady Lianshi, actually, though I dare not repeat exactly how she discovered her. I’m willing to assume it’s a woman’s natural instinct to track down one of their own. Don’t worry, she’s safe.”

“Anyone else besides you and Lady Lianshi know of her presence?”

Taishi Ci shook his head. “Only us for now.”

A small relief but only a single drop to the stone it sought to wash away. “Is she on this vessel?”

Again, Taishi Ci shook his head in the negative. “No, though that doesn’t mean I won’t go fetch her if I feel she’s necessary in getting you to rest.”

It didn’t surprise Lü Meng in the least that his wife had once again found a way to accompany them, but it did surprise him just how long it took for him to discover her presence. He didn’t even discover her! It was Lianshi, and who knew how long she’s known and chose not to tell him? The weight that Taishi Ci had managed to alleviate only came crashing back down on him and he couldn’t stop himself. Over the map he had slaved over and cherished each marker and chip, he fell forward and shook the table when his elbows hit the surface and he threw his head into his hands, wanting nothing more than to just tear his hair out. He couldn’t see how Taishi Ci jumped and nor did he care as the only coherent thought running through his head was how in the hell he was going to convince her to go back home without further exposing her to the rest of the army, or if she was exposed, how could he possibly explain to Lord Quan that her presence wouldn’t hinder him in the least. He tried to speak but the only thing that came out was a rather beastly sounding groan, like a maneater whining into the night that his meal wriggled out of its rotting teeth. Now why did he make such a sound, he wasn’t sure, but he was certain that there were suppose to be WORDS somewhere in that pitiful moan. 

“Lü Meng, are you well?”

Lü Meng wanted to lie. He wanted to try and convince Taishi Ci that all was well and that he had the situation under control, but Lu Su and Lord Quan were right. He was a terrible liar. He scratched his scalp in some hopes of grounding himself back to reality and all it managed to do was give him back a small fraction of his ability to speak. “... No, but… I’ll be alright. Just…”

“Shall I fetch a medic?”

“No.” Lü Meng shook his head and eventually settled for just resting his head in his hands. In his small fit, he ruined the map and his ponytail, but he hardly cared. In fact, he welcomed the undoing of his ponytail as it allowed his thick hair to mask his face from Taishi Ci’s prying eyes. Would Taishi Ci even believe him? For all he knew, the footsteps he heard could very well have been him leaving the quarters to follow through with his threat and he reclaimed a few more words. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Just can’t believe she’d do this here, when-”

A strong and familiar set of hands cupped his own and it was the sudden touch as well as the closeness of Taishi Ci’s voice that made him straighten up. He stared into the man’s eyes and caught an emotion that his overworked brain simply couldn’t recognize, even when Taishi Ci wasn’t being very cryptic at all. “When she’s surrounded by an army that’s a hundred thousand men strong and her husband has nothing to fear as he knows she will not go waltzing into danger. Lü Meng, she’s only here to support you in her own way, as unorthodox as it might be. She’s no fool- remember what I said about having faith in your men? That includes her, too.”

Lü Meng wanted to believe him. He wanted to think that his wife had everything under control and that she planned ahead with her stunt. He wanted to think that she would have waited for the best moment to reveal her presence and that she left their children in good hands at home. He wanted to have faith that she’d be fine amongst the men, but truth of the matter, he didn’t. At all. “I’m going to send her back.”

“Lü Meng, stop.”

Lü Meng tried to pull away but Taishi Ci was always the stronger of the two. At one time he came to accept that but now he only found it irritating and it reflected in not only his increased struggles but his voice as well. “No, don’t stop me. The battlefield is no place for her and she damn well knows it. Now, release me so that I can send her back before anyone finds out.”

It was not a request but a command, one that he knew he could issue given his new rank, but Taishi Ci was unrelenting. It didn’t take long for him to realize that he would have to fight his way through and whereas moments ago he nursed over the map to preserve it, he was willing to trash it completely if it meant to break the stalemate. The moment he kicked at the table, Taishi Ci knew where this was going and within seconds, the two officers were at it. Chips and wood splinters shot into the air and any passerby would have came running at the sounds coming from Lü Meng’s quarters. 

As far as Lü Meng was concerned, let them come! Who cared if he broke up a possible fight just moments ago? Who cared if those two in question called him a hypocrite? He would be punished, but so would Taishi Ci, so consequences be damned he wouldn’t allow this to continue! 

And just as quickly as the fight started, it ended. As always, Taishi Ci was in control of the fight and it didn’t take long for him to overpower the smaller officer, though Lü Meng didn’t go down without a fight. Taishi Ci lifted him into the air and was rewarded with a well-placed kick in side, forcing him to drop his opponent harder than he had wanted to. Lü Meng felt his back hit something soft and yet it was still enough to knock the wind out of him and by the time he realized he had been dropped on his own bed, Taishi Ci was on top of him, pinning each limb with one of his own. During their brief struggle Lü Meng had managed to knock off his helmet and ripped half his hair out of his bun, the way the silky black strands cascaded down the frame of his face doing absolutely nothing to distract him from just how close the man was and how much closer he was getting. He opened his mouth to shout though what he was going to say was beyond him at this point and all that did was leave him open to Taishi Ci’s next assault.

Twice this had happened. Once before Taishi Ci had him pinned down and Lü Meng wanted to think he learned from his mistake, and yet how quickly did the veteran warrior prove him wrong. Once again his lips were taken in with a kiss, but this one was much different. Longer, for starters, far more passionate, perhaps more desperate than before. Lü Meng tried to fight though the fear of harming the general so close to their confrontation at Hefei haunted him and hindered his fight greatly, though it wasn’t the only thing that stopped him. He couldn’t ignore the impulse within him that welcomed the sudden intrusion, the welcomed reprieve from this frantic energy that had been building within him since Lord Quan invited him into his garden that day. No, before that. He remembered the last time Taishi Ci had pulled this strange tactic on him and how he was left… quelled. Confused, at first, but disappointed that it only lasted a mere moment. He had hoped that a single kiss would sate him, that it was only a one time thing meant to throw him off and quell his anger, and yet, the desire he felt swelling within him confirmed the fears that he suppressed for too long.

The logical side of his mind, the one sniffed out by Lord Quan and then cultivated by Zhou Yu and Lu Su, had begun to raise its voice in objection, but it was almost as though Taishi Ci could read his mind. He sought to silence that strategical part of the brain with pure action and it was left numbed when faced with such a foreign foe. It could think of no defense or counter to prevent the body from simply giving in. Lü Meng was midway through tearing off his armor and disrobing when his brain tried to resist again, but Taishi Ci’s husky voice whispered in his ears before he could even utter a word. “Don’t. You need this. Even if it’s not meant to be with me, you need this. She’s too far away, and he’s likely too deep in wine to be of much use. Accept me for now. Just accept it.”

He was right, Lü Meng told himself, though likely more to just agree and accept this well-needed outlet than anything else. She was too far away and probably sleeping. More clothes fell away before another thought befuddled Lü Meng’s mind. Who was too deep in wine? What did it matter? Taishi Ci was right. He couldn’t wait. As ashamed as he was to admit it, he needed this. He wanted this. He’d sort this out later, he told himself, nodding and rubbing his sweat-dampened forehead against Taishi Ci’s chest, the only outward sign that he understood enough to surrender to the desire. 

Then, and only then, did Taishi Ci proceed further. Once consent was established, he would continue and help his fellow general unwind, and whatever mess their session would leave, they would deal with it in the morning.


	42. A Demon Approaches!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng learns what fear is fairly late in his life...

Thunder rolled across the sky, following the blade of lightning that flashed its near blinding steel to those unfortunate enough to be out in this weather, and to the unit that took to the road on horseback, it only served as a reminder of what they would be dealing with once they reached their destination. Seasonal rain in the Jing Province was notorious for having only two settings, mild to severe, and though Fan Castle laid along the border, it was clear that the famed God of War himself brought the weather with him. 

But no matter the rain, no matter the wind nor the legend that heralded such a storm with his presence, there wasn’t a single ounce of fear in the hearts of the men that rode out, especially not from their leader.

Xu Huang rode at the front of the cavalry, astride a white horse that matched the pure white garments he was renown for, an entire horse ahead of everyone else. It was an amazing feat when one considered the great axe he carried with him, slinging it over his shoulder with relative ease when any other man might have dragged it along the earth. He lead the men of Wei without concern or fear for safety, but instead a sense of apprehension and duty plaguing his mind. If one only got a glimpse of him, they wouldn’t have ever suspected a single thing was amiss in that head of his, and if they managed to ride along side him to get a closer look, they’d see nothing short of indomitable resolve, personified in a single expression. He was a man on a mission and his orders were clear and unmistakable. They could not be misconstrued or twisted around and repurposed in any way, and nor would the general even if he wanted to.

His orders were to break the siege at Fan castle, by any means necessary, no small feat considering the first to be sent to do this was overwhelmed and captured. He was to defeat Guan Yu, a task that was any lesser man would have balked at, and drive the man into Wu’s waiting arms. It was no easy task and he acknowledged this when he accepted Lord Cao Cao’s demands, as not only would defeating the so-called God of War not be an easy task on its own, but to others, they knew that at one time, Xu Huang once called this man a friend, and Xu Huang was famed for not only his perilous might but his deep code of honor. The white he wore this day would not only represent his unrivaled devotedness but it would mark the day a man he once called friend would die.

Xu Huang had his orders, and he would follow through with them without fail. So onward he rode out, leading his men deeper into the storm, enduring the elements and the chaos that the God of War brought to them. They would fight back the storm that trapped the brave warriors within the confines of Fan castle, they would defeat the man that Wu feared so much as to seek an alliance with them.

To Xu Huang, there could be only victory for Wei here. He would ensure it, or go down in glorious battle against Guan Yu. One of them would not leave this battlefield alive, for that he was absolutely certain. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The maps didn’t do any justice for Hefei’s terrain and Lü Meng despised this immensely despite his best efforts to hide it. He knew there’d be hills and valleys, with the great river and its subsidiaries branching out like a tree that grew in the direction of every wind that threatened to topple it, but he did not realize how steep the banks were and the fear of anyone falling down such a decline was met fairly early in the campaign.

A scout learned the hard way that once they fell down such a steep crevice that getting back up would be difficult and time consuming. Clinging up the steep bank was near impossible and had they not had rope handy, the other option may have been to swim until they found a less problematic incline (and according to one scout’s report, they were few and far between and may as well have been non-existent). They eventually fished the man out but his rusting armor and pruned skin served as an excellent warning to watch one’s step when crossing bridges or getting too close to the edges better than any verbal warning could.

Lü Meng had expected some difficulty in maneuvering such a large force but he was ashamed to admit he underestimated the issue. Mobilizing an army over the bridges already there was daunting and there had been a delay when one of the scouts suspected one to be tampered with, which encouraged Lü Meng and several others to consider building their own. This would delay their march forward and while Lord Quan wasn’t entirely pleased with the idea of it, he’d approve the idea.

Not that Lord Quan’s displeasure came without merit. While many suspected he was impatient, they also knew that the longer they lingered in a single spot, the more problems could crop up. It made their movements easier to follow for any enemy scouts and gave them time to plot countermeasures, and while they held the advantage in numbers, they knew that the bulk of Cao Cao’s army could arrive at any moment, should their allies’ efforts at Hanzhong be met with defeat. No, Lü Meng hardly blamed Lord Quan for his agitation and in an effort to try and appease him, he set a few other tasks in motion to ensure that they wouldn’t have this delay in the future. It would mean sending out more officers than he wanted to in such an early stage of their campaign and there were dangers that came with it, but he had to trust the men he sent out. Have faith in them, as Taishi Ci encouraged him to do.

One of the men he sent out was Gan Ning. The subsidiaries weren’t ideal for such large vessels but smaller ones would find better success, he figured, and thus he thought the former pirate to be perfect for leading that particular unit. Gan Ning, on the other hand, was full of surprises, and it had taken much convincing to get him to sail out. They had spent at least half an hour going back and forth before Gan Ning eventually gave in and by the end of it, Lü Meng wasn’t sure exactly why Gan Ning had resisted the order so hard. He simply took comfort in the fact that he was keen on throwing his tantrum in private and not make such a big show of himself in front of the entire camp. 

Small blessings, but Lü Meng had come to savor them whenever he had the chance. 

Once again, their grand army was moving, minus a few officers that had ventured out to inspect the rest of Hefei before them, and no sooner had they begun moving did they stumble upon another problem. It started with the unfortunate man that stumbled into the river getting sick, though not many thought much of it as the poor fellow had been in the river for a good while in the early morning chill. When he eventually succumbed to illness, it was a sad occurrence and a twisted sense of fate for a man that was certain he’d meet death through a sword or spear if death had to come for him, and unknowingly, only a hint of things to come.

It didn’t take long for the illness to start spreading to the troops. The symptoms were common enough: the fever, accompanied by chills, but then it progressed into intestinal cramps, then once the final symptoms set in, their fears of it being dysentery was confirmed. Diagnosing the disease was the simple part and it did them little good when it spread so rampantly without definitive knowledge of how it was getting from one man to another faster than they could quarantine. It took them an embarrassingly long time to find its source and as battle hardened as Lü Meng was, he couldn’t blame the soldier for his startled scream when he found what they suspected to be a source. 

“Biological warfare,” said Taishi Ci, peering at the bodies that their men fished out of the river at one of the fewest points where the bank wasn’t a bluff or cliff, a disgusted look on his face. By now, he and several others tied clothes over their mouths and nose, though it hardly did a thing to mask the venom in his words as he explained the tactic to Lü Meng and Lord Quan. “These men were dead long before they made it to the river. This waterway may not be the mouth but it connects and carries to the rest. They’ve likely been poisoning us from the moment we made dock.”

“Dishonorable pigs. Using their own men as fodder...” Lord Quan sneered. Whatever disgust Taishi Ci held in his heart was nothing compared to their lords and Lü Meng wasn’t too surprised to hear such a visceral reaction coming from his lord. His personality might have been different from Sun Ce’s, but perhaps it was a trait of the Sun family to get so up in arms at the notion of suffering. At least, that’s what Lü Meng wanted to think, yet he couldn’t deny the hint of arrogance in Lord Quan’s tone as he turned away and returned up the hill. “All the more reason to press forward and conquer Hefei at once and put an end to this.”

Lü Meng understood the logic in that mentality, but doubt already began to gnaw away at him. It existed from the very get go but he was willing to pass it off as simple jitters. Who wouldn’t feel apprehension when so much weight was thrown on one’s shoulders in the blink of an eye? Now, that doubt began to dig in deep and nibble away, and a sturdy but harmless fist to his shoulder snapped him back to reality as Taishi Ci urged him into motion once more. 

There was clear evidence that Wei had been more prepared for their invasion than he once believed, but what good would it do him to dwell on such thoughts on the bank of a river surrounded by the diseased corpses? In a way, Lü Meng felt ashamed to look at the bloated bodies and almost admired the officer that came up with that idea, as gruesome as it was. Not only was it meant to cripple a larger army with something it couldn’t combat so easily, but in them finding it, it was meant to discourage them. Lü Meng had no doubts that they were meant to discover the cause of their rapidly spreading illness as it was as clear of a warning as a sign that read ‘death to those who proceed further’. And in a way, he found himself admiring the smaller army for their ingenuity.

It also terrified him, not that they would be willing to do such a thing to their own men, soldier, villager or otherwise, but that he understood why. He pondered if he could ever commit to such an underhanded tactic, if it had meant to ensure victory or his lord’s life. He wasn’t sure which answer was right. Could he make such a sacrifice in the name of victory, even if it was only a chance? 

He wanted to think he wouldn’t go so far. The men that cluttered the rivers weren’t all soldiers and perhaps that’s what left him appalled at the sight. Some of those men were villagers, likely farmers and merchants that weren’t fortunate enough to have enough food or clothing the winter before to protect them from the yearly sickness that thrived in these parts. Would he throw soldiers in an enemy’s path to defend his lord? Absolutely. Could he throw villagers to do the same?

The fact that he didn’t have an immediate answer struck him deeper than he ever wanted to admit, and it was this fear that finally caused him to see to his wife’s safety. He wasn’t sure what it was that forced him to seek her out. It certainly wasn’t the guilt he felt that night when Taishi Ci came into his tent to help him relax. There was nothing romantic there, nothing that severed the ties and obligation he had to his wife, and perhaps that was wrong of him to think so. What happened between him and Taishi Ci was strictly to relieve the stress and tension that threatened to consume him and when he told Ren when he confronted her the next morning, she simply looked at him and didn’t say a word. She smiled sweetly and then asked if she could come out of hiding, and not wanting to endure it any longer than what was necessary, Lü Meng pressed on.

He wasn’t keen on her presence, though it did end up offering more assistance when it came to dealing with the sick, and now he was determined to chase her away. How strange was it that it was harder to think of what to say to get her to return home to Wu than it was to confess that he committed to sexual intercourse with another, he thought to himself. He was considering his words with as much thought and precision as he would when presenting a strategy before his lord, which given his abrupt and honest nature and overall lack of flattering diction that Lord Zhou Yu seemed blessed with was an extremely difficult thing to do. 

Not that it would do him any good. Convincing Ren to return home, especially after news of their discovery reached the medic station, was like convincing Lord Quan to give up the expedition. He found her tending to a man who was beyond simple dehydration and despite how he only had hours left of life in him, she remained at his side, her diligence hardly surprising to the man that had taken her as his wife years ago. As much as he admired her for it, it only made addressing the matter all the more difficult as she wouldn’t stand still long enough for him to get more than a few words in before she was darting around elsewhere to help someone else. He was beginning to suspect that she was doing it on purpose and normally he’d admire his wife for her strategy, but his nerves made it more annoying than he could bear. 

It didn’t take him long to abandon the cause. Taishi Ci had told him to have faith in their army and so long as she was here helping, she was included in that army. It brought him no pleasure to retreat from her without ever once addressing the subject and no sooner had he jumped out of one fire was he being tossed into another. The army was moving forward again, per Lord Quan’s orders, and after a few days of overall inactivity, the massive Wu army were now within sights of their intended target. Tensions were high and there were no mistaking the men’s eagerness to drive forward, as the city appeared empty. Ripe for the picking, and perfect place for an ambush, Lü Meng and other more cautious generals suspected. 

It was a precarious situation. The possibility that the emptied city was a trap was certainly present in everyone’s minds, even those that favored just charging in and capturing it, but the numbers didn’t lie. Even if the Wei officers set up an ambush, what would it do in the long run against such a massive army? The plan was simple; overrun Hefei with overwhelming numbers and seek a desperately needed foothold for their march north, and Lü Meng found himself in the minority here. Anything he or others had brought up may as well have been whispers in a hurricane. He saw logic in their argument that staying idle would only give the dysentery that plagued them a chance to spread and give Wei’s reinforcements more time to catch up, as it was sound to his thinking, but still, he wasn’t keen on the idea.

But he knew it wasn’t about him. Lord Quan might have coaxed him into assisting him lead this campaign north, but the deeper into this campaign they went, the more he began to realize that whatever control he thought he had was merely a courtesy extended by his lord. Lord Quan wasn’t simply content to be a part of the vanguard to raise the morale of his men, but he had wanted full control of the campaign. He wanted to set forth and conquer, like Sun Ce had, like Lord Liu Bei and Lord Cao Cao had. The benefit of capturing Hefei wasn’t simply to prevent Wei’s march south but to prove to the rest that the Sun family was just as capable as they were. 

It wasn’t all that, he knew, but he knew now that it was Lord Quan’s ego that had been the cause of this campaign. That was why he targeted Hefei, a city close and guarded so minimally it may as well have been non-existent compared to their own army. That was why he kept pushing forward, when Lü Meng wasn’t the only one that wanted to pull back and observe, when his men were growing sicker and sicker by the hour. It wasn’t simply to assist Shu and defeat the bigger threat, but for his own personal glory…

The bitterness of his own thoughts was too potent and it left his head spinning. What should it have mattered what fueled his lord’s ambition, so long as it was ultimately for the benefit of Wu? He took this thoughts with him as he rode out with a small unit to scout the out edges of the city. He kept them locked away in the back of his mind and allowed for no one to read them. Had Lu Xun or his wife been present they might have noticed the monkey on his back and the latter of them would have worked it out of him in her own way, but he purposefully ensured neither of them would accompany him. 

His doubts shouldn’t have been their problems, he told himself, and so he kept all of it locked away. It was a considerably easy task to do when faced with the reality that they would be finally taking the battlefield in the morning. Eventually he was so caught up in marking landmarks and updating their map that he successfully hid his grievances to the back of his mind and when he returned to camp to switch shifts and report his findings, it meant that whatever conversation he would have with the general that found him could be spent with a less stressful and perhaps less treasonous subject. Not that he considered his doubts treasonous, but he knew such thoughts would hurt their morale and that could easily become a lifeline if a situation went south.

Still, it would be nice to hold a conversation with Taishi Ci, even if he knew it’d be short lived. The sun peeking over the horizon meant that they would be mobilizing soon and then, glorious battle. From the looks of the battlefield from the bluff they were stationed, they could see a sea of men, decked in red armor to match the banners they carried, and soon they would see that living typhoon sweep forward and overtake their foes. In overlooking the scene below, Lü Meng almost forgot how much he stressed in the past few weeks and it was almost enough to quell any jitters he had, though it remained present. Simply quiet compared to the excitement that always seemed to latch onto him and take hold before the war drums sounded. Ying didn’t make it any easier, as the horse was growing impatient and dug into the earth, despite his master’s gentle coaxing.

“Can you blame him? He’s eager to get this skirmish over with.” Taishi Ci’s voice was strong but failed to hide the smile he wore as Lü Meng didn’t need to look up to know it was there. He continued to stroke Ying’s salt-and-pepper mane, whispering sweet nothings in his ears and scratching behind them to calm the stallion. He made no outward sign of hearing Taishi Ci but the general didn’t seem to care as he carried on. “And I can hardly blame him. This battle holds the fate of Wu in its hands.”

Lü Meng couldn’t disagree. Even easy victories were important and anything to keep Wei’s march south from happening was vital to the longevity of their kingdom. He was content to let Taishi Ci speak his piece. As always, he welcomed his company and was grateful that their encounter in his quarters didn’t seem to make things awkward between them. Whatever Taishi Ci did to prepare himself for battle, he wasn’t fit to judge, he told himself before straightening up on his saddle once more. Only then did he glanced over at Taishi Ci and was almost floored that the sirene expression he wore beneath his helmet. Were his eyes fooling him or was it merely a trick of the light?

“Lord Sun Ce, I wish you could see how far your brother and your kingdom has come,” he said, cupping his balled fist into his open palm and bowing his head in prayer. Lü Meng felt compelled to do the same but all he could manage to do was lower his head and listen, respecting the general’s prayer and siphoning some of that serenity he heard in hopes of making it his own someday. “If you could, I know that you’d be proud of him, and of your legacy. Continue to guide him as I know you do and we will someday see this land see true peace once more.”

It sounded as though his prayer was over but Lü Meng waited in silence for a few moments more, just in case. Only when Taishi Ci rose back to his full height did he feel compelled to speak up, but he’d be damned if he knew what to say. It certainly got his mind churning but somewhere between his brain and mouth, the words simply got lost. He was content to just remain quiet and absorb the serenity he felt from his fellow officer for a moment more...

“I owe a great gratitude to Lord Sun Ce, Lü Meng. Had we not faced one another so many times, I would have withered away into obscurity under my old master and I would have never found a home in Wu.” Taishi Ci smiled as he spoke, adding a depth to that tranquility that one could easily get lost in. It made one really think hard on how a man with such an imposing figure and weapons could ever possess such a passive voice and how one might quell his own chaos to reach that level. “In a way, he saved me and for that I am indebted to him.”

“Was this why you were so adamant about taking the front lines of this campaign, Master Taishi Ci?”

Lü Meng never questioned Taishi Ci’s loyalty nor his passion, but the general’s firm nod in the affirmative only served to strengthen his opinion of the man. Taishi Ci hadn’t been nearly as active as he had been as of late but that did not mean he did not serve. He remained close to Jianye and kept it safe from any upstarts that opposed the Sun family’s rule there. He remained in the heart of Wu to keep his promise to their late lord and he moved out when Lord Quan did to keep true to that promise. To Taishi Ci, their lord was the heart of Wu, and despite his own grievances, Lü Meng could only agree with such a notion. How else could their men be willing to march into foreign land, risking illness and possible death, if they did not see Lord Quan as their guiding light? 

“I know you understand, more than many here,” Taishi Ci said, taking advantage of Lü Meng’s silence and carrying on, filling the oddly quiet air with something to help pass the time and perhaps ease the tensions that crept just beyond reach. “I carry the weight of my promise to Lord Sun Ce, to see that his legacy carries on, just as you carry the weight of Lord Zhou Yu’s promise to assist where I cannot. You and Master Lu Su may shoulder that burden together, but here, you’ll take a more active role in that. You’ll aid Lord Quan in a way that Master Lu Su cannot, though our lord’s been content to see things get done his way. Don’t forget why you’re here, Lü Meng.”

“I know why I’m here,” Lü Meng said, perhaps too brusque in tone and adding an edge that he often failed to hide. At least he knew that Taishi Ci wouldn’t take offense to it but that didn’t make him feel any better about letting it slip. “I’m here so that Lord Quan gains victory here and that his vision’s realized, as per Lord Zhou Yu’s request. And I intend on honoring that request.”

If Taishi Ci felt offended by his almost dismissive manner of speech, he didn’t show it. He turned his gaze back to the sea of officers below, just as Lord Quan rode towards the front, decked head to toe in his finest armor (much, much too gaudy for Lü Meng’s tastes though there was no point in addressing it now). Their visit here would come to an end soon and Lü Meng would have welcomed just a few more moments of silence. He wouldn’t get his wish but at least it didn’t come from any war drums or battle cries. Only Taishi Ci’s proud voice shattered that hope. “As will I. I would gladly throw my life down for Lord Sun Quan and for Wu.”

A bold statement, but only such statements ever came out of Taishi Ci. The same man that fought Lord Sun Ce to a draw multiple times, the same man that prior to that had made a name for himself against the Yellow Turbans and wielded two massive metal rods that would have crushed a lesser man that tried to carry them, much less swing them with the same ease as he did. He expected such a bold proclamation there, but still, a part of him screamed from within and he didn’t bother holding it in as he shot the warrior a fierce glare. “Don’t say that. You mustn’t tempt fate!”

Perhaps it wasn’t the best thing to say, but Lü Meng couldn’t stay silent. Taishi Ci’s glare was returned with one of his own and eventually, and almost simultaneously, they smiled at one another before going their separate ways. There was humor in each other’s eyes and in their hearts, but neither laughed…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Lü Meng could feel Zuo Ci’s eyes drilling into him long before the memory started to wane. He tried to follow Taishi Ci’s retreating form, perhaps trying to will it back into existence but to no avail. The strain it began to cause on his eyes finally made him give up that fantasy, allowing the spectre to fade away into the distant memory. Was it really that distant, though? It happened in 215, so not too far off, and the pain was still fresh, even before Zuo Ci forced him to trudge through it again. 

He thought he was over it, but he also thought that Hefei was a guaranteed victory, even despite his doubts. He was wrong on both accounts, simple as that. Of course now he could see all the warning signs clear as day, but back then? 

“Would that be the last time you ever spoke with him?”

The question was meant to pry deeper into the matter, but Lü Meng could hear a certain lilt of genuine curiosity and perhaps even a hint of sorrow hidden beneath it. He wanted to think that perhaps the experience was so powerful to endure that even his tormentor was moved to pity, but he half suspected it was only reopened wounds that clouded his ability to see through the shroud most people put up. He didn’t believe any of it was sincere, but it was nice to pretend sometimes… so he thought, anyways.

“No. I had another chance, but…” He paused, not only to mull over what to say but to strengthen his voice in spite of himself. In the end, he couldn’t think of what exactly to say and he didn’t trust that his gravelly voice would hold out. So, he said nothing and left it for Zuo Ci to decipher however which he pleased. He had no doubt that his silence was simply adding more fodder against him but he half suspected that the mystic’s opinion had long since been set before he even hatched this plan, so what the hell did he have to lose by holding his tongue?

Eventually, Zuo Ci realized that the Chief-Commander wasn’t going to oblige and there was no immediately ridicule being cast towards him. He gave a sullen nod and carried on with his interrogation. “I had heard tales of this battle at Hefei. Of how a force only eight hundred strong had managed to repel an army nearly thirty times its size.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time the smaller army attained victory over the larger foe. Guandu and Chibi came before it.” And yet, even as he defended himself, he was quick to expose his wounded flank and he did nothing to hide his bitterness from the mystic. “But never was it quite so large a difference. To think, our easiest victory became our most humiliating defeat, in a matter of hours.”

“Do you know where it all went wrong?”

It was a question he was expecting and yet he hated the fact that even years later, he didn’t have a clear cut answer. He had theories, plenty of excuses, but a definitive answer? His scowl deepened and he didn’t bother to hide his disgust as he admitted. “The question with a quicker answer would be what went right, if anything did in that campaign.”

“I didn't peg you for a pessimist, Lü Meng.”

Lü Meng immediately scoffed at the notion and whatever humor it held was merely habitual and hardly honest. “I’m not, at least I don’t think. I like to think of myself as a realist, and honest. You’ve been trouncing around in my head and you haven’t figured that out yet? And to be brutally honest, there was too much that went wrong on that campaign, too many oversights on our part and if we sat here and committed to some futile blame game, we’d be here forever. If I had to chalk it up to two factors, I would narrow it down to arrogance on our part which led to poor planning, and Zhang Liao…”

Uttering his name, even when four years had passed since that battle, threatened the integrity that he’d been maintaining thus far. The mere mention of his name seemed to summon the man in spectre form, overtaking Zuo Ci’s form and forcing a primal fear to bubble within the Chief-Commander’s gut. He stared down that phantom, determined to hold his ground, even when he drew closer and closer, rushing through the men in his path as though they were naught by weeds against a sickle. 

Any man would have thought such a being mad to charge so recklessly forward but what was madder still was that he never once stopped or slow down. None could stop him. They tried. He watched men raise their weapons and try their damndest, only to be hacked away or trampled beneath the thundering hooves of the beast that had the honor of ferrying this harbinger without losing ground or momentum. Whether he rode out alone or was leading a unit behind him to crush those somehow left alive and dazed from the first pass, Lü Meng couldn’t say. He didn’t care. Someone had to stop him. He had to stop him. He kicked Ying into motion and the horse obeyed, as though oblivious to the arrow personified that drew closer and closer despite the overwhelming opposition, and it wasn’t until Zhang Liao was upon him that a very rare but very real fear squeezed Lü Meng’s heart… and how it only intensified when he realized that his own charge was for naught as it didn’t slow Zhang Liao down in the least. Their pass lasted only a second, but in that second, Lü Meng saw a force of sheer determination that he had never seen present in another being’s eyes and such eyes didn’t even seem to notice him, as all it took was a single, well aimed swing from Zhang Liao to throw Lü Meng from his horse and tumbling down into bluff below.

And of course, the one thought that crossed his mind as he was likely falling to his death wasn’t wasted on himself but for his lord’s safety… was there anyone that could stop Zhang Liao’s charge? He would simply be left to wonder as the moment he hit the ground, his world spun before immediately fading to black...


	43. Whispering Winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng suffers two bittersweet reunions when attempting to escape the trenches...

Bit by bit, the world began to pop into existence. First sound, thanks to the clashing of metal, the horses balking in terror and its riders’ accompanying them, the splashing in the river nearby. Then the smell of blood, mud, the scent of the river and other unpleasant scents hit his nose, reminding the fallen general that he hadn’t simply fallen asleep in his tent. Before sight came the sensation of feeling and it was ultimately the pain he felt in various areas that forced him back into the land of the living.

Lü Meng was fortunate enough to have landed on the bank of the river, despite the muscles and bones that berated both his landing and his choice in armor that day. Had he fallen into the river at that speed and rendered unconscious, he doubt he’d survive… and even if he did, the idea of the disease that lingered there catching up with him made him welcome the pain he felt now compared to the misery that’d await him later.

If there would be a later. He bit back the scream that wanted to escape when he finally pushed himself back onto his feet, and it likely saved his life. Nearby he heard fellow officers shouting, either at one another or in pain, and they were soon silenced by a flash of steel and metal. At the sound of one of their death gurgles, he shot a glance towards them, spotting the Wei officer that worked on dispatching the survivors at the banks that managed to survive Zhang Liao’s daring charge and a sense of fight or flight threatened to overtake him. Despite his time in the front lines, it was almost easy to forget any of it even happened when one was stranded at the bottom of a steep bluff, wounded and weaponless, and the sight of the officer picking off his own soldiers triggered something he suspected to be an almost primal instinct within him. He needed to arm himself. He needed to stand up and fight.

The officer must have read his hostilities and the next thing Lü Meng knew, he was making his way towards him, sword drawn and ready to add more blood to it. The strategist in Lü Meng understood perfectly what he was going and might have commended him for it, but the warrior part of him, the one that existed before the strategist did, saw his death coming towards him and he wasn’t ready. He scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping over the unfortunate soldier that didn’t survive either the wound Zhang Liao left for him or the fall and grabbing the sword that never had the chance to leave its scabbard. It wasn’t his glaive, but it was enough to block the swing that was meant to end his life and give him a fighting chance.

After a few passes it was clear that the officer sent to pick off any survivors was chosen for a reason, as even in his injured state, Lü Meng was able to outmaneuver him and take the advantage from him. In the end, it only took a fake fall to find an opening and he took it without any second thoughts or shame, ending the man’s life as quickly and as efficiently as he could. There wasn’t any pleasure or sense of pride that came, only a sense of overwhelming relief that his time spent cooped up in a tent strategizing hadn’t dulled his blade too much when it came down to survival…

It was hardly a reason to celebrate. How could he, when the river bank was littered with the dead and wounded? 

The various aches and pain from his fall caught up with him, pushing to the forefront of his mind once the adrenaline from the short skirmish began to ebb away. He managed a few wobbly steps before the pain in his leg became unbearable and only when he did a quick sweep of the area and found it satisfactorily abandoned did he sit under the bridge’s underpass to inspect his wounds.

They were plentiful but none severe enough to keep him down. Already his skin was turning a darker shade where the armor pressed him from the fall and his decision to wear leather likely spared him from any fatal internal bleeding, though he wasn’t quick to write that possibility off yet. He wiped what he thought was sweat and only after pulling his hand away to inspect it did he realize it was blood. The world on the right side seemed hazy and the farthest corners were pitch black and may as well not have existed at this point-- hardly anything new but it offered him a good excuse as to how he failed to block or deflect Zhang Liao’s attack. Finally, he moved to his leg and the blood that decorated the side of it certainly worried him. It looked worse than it actually was, however, and if he had to guess the cause he’d credit the Wei general’s halberd for it. A fortune in disguise, as if it had struck any higher and struck his abdomen or chest, he doubted he’d be here debating his luck at this very moment.

Yes, very lucky. He wasn’t dead, though thoroughly humiliated, but nothing he couldn’t bounce back from. At least he told himself this to fight back the demons that threatened him. He had a feeling he was perhaps being too optimistic or was even in denial of the thought of an infinitely smaller army getting the better of him. He’d mull over that later. For now, he had to think of binding his wound and seeing to the battle that waged on above him.

The bindings came from one of the fallen banners, and he managed to recover his glaive, no less than arm’s reach from the imprint of who he assumed to be himself. It reminded him just how limited his vision on his right side truly was now and how he’d have to be more cautious until it recovered, if it ever would. He couldn’t find Ying and his muddled brain could only assume he was either taken away as a spoils of war or perhaps even dead…

Neither were good prospects and yet, what could he have possibly done about it now? He cherished that horse, for all his stubborn nature and his ornery temperament. But his lord’s safety was far more important. He’d mourn Ying’s passing or capture later. For now, he had to ensure there’d be a later…

So, battered and bruised as he was,k and once again armed, he set to finding a way up the steep bluff. In his current state, it may as well have been a death trap and he knew better than to try and climb back up the face of this bluff.

“Alright… follow the river it is.”

He could only assume there’d be a way up nearby, if the Wei officer managed to make it here and so, as foolish as it might have been, he limped towards the Wei side of the river. 

Some time passed and eventually the pain in his leg had downgraded from excruciating stabs to a constant throbbing and thus far, lady luck had not frowned upon him to grace him with anymore obstacles. It made the trek up the bluff uneventful and the crux to that was that it made his mind dwell on the all too troubling matter of where they went wrong.

A part of him suspected it wasn’t so much what -he- did wrong, but instead, what Wei did right. Once he waddled his way up the bluff and surveyed the carnage left in Zhang Liao’s wake, he could clearly see the glaring mistakes they made and just how easily their enemy exploited them. He anticipated a defensive stance from their opponents; the thought of a full blown offensive simply never crossed his mind and the bodies of his men littering the ground and filling the river below threatened bile to rise in his throat…

He messed up, and it was the lives of those men that had to pay the price. His heart swelled and threatened to burst, despite his mind’s screaming. He couldn’t focus on that. He had to focus on the living, those that were like him and separated from the main unit and were dealing with problems of their own. He had to think about the ones that remained close to Lord Quan’s side. Once Lord Quan and his men were safe, he could compile a list of those that perished here and see about making amends.

“There’s one!” A shout alerted him to danger and the closeness of it caused him to raise his glaive, but a quick sweep of the area revealed no Wei officers but now he knew they were close. Lü Meng followed the voice and the sound of clashing metal- they must have found a Wu officer, he figured, and it didn’t take him long to see the metal rods swinging in the air, faster than he had ever witnessed from the heavily armored officer. It was Taishi Ci!

There were only a handful that lingered from the main unit to handle the stragglers and this unit must have been expecting the Wu warrior to feel overwhelmed or dazed from the charge, as they were having trouble getting a strike in. With reckless abandon, Lü Meng joined into the fray, striking down one of the soldier’s open back and letting his death cry alert the other three to his arrival. No words were spoken between the reunited Wu officers, as they were unnecessary. It didn’t take long for the two to chase off the rest. The Wei officer’s orders were to pick off the weakened ones and clearly he felt these two weren’t worth the trouble. It was a telling sign of how small their opposition was for them to not want to risk anymore unnecessary lives, and that drove the thorn deeper into Lü Meng’s already damaged ego.

The Wei officer fled with his remaining men, allowing the Wu officers a momentary respite, but a welcomed one at least. With the skirmish over, adrenaline began to ebb away and the pain in his leg returned, but Lü Meng defied it.

Taishi Ci, however, collapsed to his knees, the heavy armor he wore adding emphasis to that movement and causing the Wu general to rush to his side. Those heavy rods he once wielded with such ease and finesse were released, their burden suddenly too much to bear and the man suddenly sunk into his armor, his shoulders slumped and his chin pressing against his chest. Lü Meng was the only thing that kept him from the blood stained earth and it was only with his help that the warrior found the means to sit without his cherished armor dragging him down. Only then did Lü Meng see what it was that had downed his comrade. How could one miss the broken arrow shafts that were lodged in the creases of his armor and the even more telling X shaped wound that dug so deep that it completely penetrated the armor itself? The armor on his back and its wearer were holding on by a thread! “Master Taishi Ci, your back… it’s…”

He felt like a complete and utter fool. Of all his years striving to educate himself and all he could say was that? Taishi Ci either didn’t care or he was too spent to care, and never had his voice sounded so empty, so weak. “Zhang Liao… clever and quite strong… I fear we grossly underestimated him.”

Lü Meng started to remove the armor to access the damage but a wave stopped him. “No… leave it. it’s the only thing keeping me in this world right now.”

To hear such a thing only amplified the echo of his failure here and yet, denial was strong still. He found one other officer alive and he was determined to not to be the only one to rendezvous with the main unit! In his silence, Taishi Ci nudged him with questions of his own, as though he didn’t just admit to his own mortality seconds ago. “What of you?”

“Injured my leg but I’ll be fine. Still got some fight in me.”

The warrior smiled, his relief nothing but a dagger in Lü Meng’s exposed conscious. “Good… then you can protect our lord and his legacy now…”

“Master Taishi Ci…” Lü Meng choked on the words but could not commit to them. He felt shame bubble from deep within but more than that, he felt lost. Guilt had already gnawed a gaping hole where his pride should have been and now with the gravity of Taishi Ci’s state… it wanted to fill that void with something else. Rage would have been an excellent substitute and yet, where was it now? “Don’t speak like that. Like you’re not going to be around to do that yourself.”

The chuckle that escaped the warrior’s throat was naught but a shadow of the power he once held and thus brought Lü Meng little joy, despite its pleasant sound. “Aren’t you a little old to talk such denial-filled dribble? Ah… forgive me, that was… cruel of me. I appreciate you holding onto such hopes, Lü Meng… admittedly, you’re not whom I’d expect such talk from. It’s… refreshing.”

There it was. Some ray of hope. And ever an opportunist, he’d take it before something or someone else swooped in to snatch it away. “We’ll make it back to Wu, Master Taishi Ci. Even if I have to carry you on my back.”

He could see him wanting to argue and had good reason to. Logic deemed the warrior too wounded to survive the trip on his own, but he wasn’t alone, Lü Meng concluded albeit naively. He was here, so perhaps there was a chance. How much hope would that bring their troops if he were to return, with someone as renowned as Taishi Ci? It would reignite their morale, given them a reason to press forward and conquer Hefei-

“Don’t be a fool, Lü Meng. You never were… it was wrong of Master Zhou Yu to ever tell you that, and don’t try to prove him right here. I’m done for.” Taishi Ci crushed that hope, just as it was only starting to blossom, and though it was clear he took no pleasure in the act, he was relentless and reminded Lü Meng of the harrowing experience he just barely survived. It left him stunned and gave Taishi Ci more fuel and an opening. “If your leg wasn’t injured… or if there was a horse, perhaps we could at least entertain the idea that I’d be buried in Wu…”

He trailed off, his eyes closing though death hadn’t taken him just yet. Neither spoke aloud to one another, though their minds were active. Lü Meng, fueled by nothing short of denial, was trying to find some means of salvaging this, anything that would give them victory here, so that Taishi Ci’s death would mean something… so that he could be buried in the kingdom he loved so dearly and had helped create. He tried to find some strategy, some plan or scheme, and Taishi Ci shook his head at him. “Lü Meng… Master Lü Meng, you must find our lord. You must keep him safe, by any means necessary. Hefei may be lost to us, but Lord Quan can’t fall here. Protect him…”

“Yes, Master Taishi Ci…” Lü Meng stumbled over his words and immediately all strategies abandoned him. Victory through capturing Hefei… it didn’t matter, if Lord Quan were to be killed here. Taishi Ci’s death, as well as those that cluttered the bloodstained earth around them, would mean nothing if he couldn’t get Lord Quan to safety. He knew it, and he was loathed to agree. It would mean abandoning Taishi Ci… a comrade, a mentor, a… companion. Could he possibly do such a thing?

“Go.” Like the wounded eagle offering the gentlest of nudges to its other, Taishi Ci urged him to go, but the fledgling resisted. Logic tried to help with the matter, reminding him that Lord Quan’s life may still be in danger and that he wasn’t the only one. He thought of the other officers, the soldiers… even his wife who had accompanied them. Thinking of her and how she’d fare, without knowing of her husband’s fate… it was almost enough to make him take off, but his heart was too heavy for such a flight just yet. She was at the back of their troops. She was smart. She’d take care of herself. She had Lianshi, and others in his personal unit. Taishi Ci had no one… but him. And that only seemed to anger the warrior, as he let out a growl. “Go, now… they’ll be back, and it’d do our lord no good if he lost both of us. Leave me, and protect Lord Quan. Protect the Sun family and Wu.”

Lü Meng opened his mouth to object but Taishi Ci would not give him the chance. Another nudge, this time physical though it held little strength behind it. “Do not leave your wife a widow and your sons without a father. Not here… not when there’s so much left for you to do. Go, or else my spirit will forever haunt you…”

The general had no idea what possessed him, but he was grateful for it. After a few more nudges and even a shove, Lü Meng was standing and had begun to limp away, though he managed only a short distance before he looked back at Taishi Ci. From this distance, it was clear to see what his efforts had cost him and only now could he see the essence of life drifting him his body though if any ever asked him to recount such a sight, he’d be rendered invalid. Death wasn’t a stranger to him, either during his career or before, but now, it seemed… different. More real. More visceral. He wondered why that was for a moment, but it didn’t last long. Soon, the warrior he had once stood against, trained with, confided in to help discover himself, would be as hollow and empty as the tattered armor he once cherished. His soul would depart… alone. Alone, as he wanted… 

No, Lü Meng thought to himself. He didn’t want to be alone. What he wanted, more than anything, was to die knowing that while he would not be recovered to be buried in Wu that at least there would be a Wu once he passed onto the next realm. Lü Meng stared at the silent and still form of Taishi Ci for a moment more, wanting to say… anything, really. He could comfort him and let him know that he’d do all within his power to ensure Lord Quan and Wu’s safety, or swear revenge, or anything.

But there were no words. His voice retreated deep within his throat and refused to come out, and his brain did not seek to force them. There was nothing to say that Taishi Ci didn’t already know or that he’d find further comfort in. Perhaps that, too, was denial, but it felt more of a truth than that. He wasn’t sure why, but he could not question it now. There was simply no point.

Eventually, without a word, Lü Meng left, each step just as painful and heavy as the last, but a step further away from Taishi Ci and closer and closer to the bloodshed and, he hoped, to his lord. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“And so you left him to die.”

It wasn’t accusatory, nor was it filled with disbelief or judgement. It was simply stated matter-of-factly, quite fitting for a man that only observed and had no power to change or manipulate. Not that it did anything for Lü Meng’s reopened wound… 

“Yes,” he said, but nothing more. What else could he say? There was no use trying to sugarcoat it or outright deny any of it. He bit back any desire to do so and kept his gaze set straight ahead, allowing Zuo Ci to see only a frigid, stone cold glare, void of any emotions that might have otherwise tarnished the Chief-Commander’s image. A far easier task now given the hardships he endured and how they gave him plenty of opportunities to practice it. “I had a duty to fulfill. He knew that, just as any other. Had the situation been reversed, I’d expect the same.”

Zuo Ci seemed unconvinced, but his reasoning was sound at least. “You’d leave behind your family so willingly to ensure your lord’s safety?”

“Yes. It’s my duty as a loyal subject of the Sun family. They’d understand… though they may not like it.”

Nothing but confidence oozed from him and it was enough for Zuo Ci to not press the matter any further. “I would imagine leaving your fellow general to die on his own to be quite difficult for you. After all he had done for you, it must have pained you to chose to fulfill your duty over his companionship.”

Lü Meng scoffed, but not in objection to the statement. Merely at himself. “It was, but… I survived, and in doing so, I can honor his memory to the best of my ability. I’d like to think that would have made his passing bearable.”

“From what I have seen of him, I would imagine so as well.”

But it was carrion comfort at best to Lü Meng. He had hoped that the four years that passed between then and now and the hardships he dealt with in between might have alleviated the blow, but as always, he was wrong. It was still there, lingering, throbbing every so often just to remind him that nothing would ever chase it away. It had scarred, and scars remained… forever implanted on the wearer no matter how much effort was spent trying to cover it up or hide it from prying eyes. 

“Now, enlighten me, Lü Meng.” Zuo Ci began, mercifully breaking the silence that threatened to consumed the Chief-Commander from within. “However did you reunite with your army again?”

Despite everything, the chuckle that somehow escaped Lü Meng’s lips were like that of a familiar jingle of bells and Lü Meng was almost surprised that the bearer of those bells didn’t simply materialize before him at the sound of them. How pleasant a sight that might have been…

“I had help,” Lü Meng said when he realized he was smiling too fondly and garnered the mystic’s curiosity once again. He could feel his cheeks practically glowing and he did nothing to hide it now. Blushing was far more appealing than reliving the pain and shame that always flooded him whenever Hefei was brought up. “Someone who had issues following orders, but… for that I’m grateful for.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He long since lost track of time, and he had absolutely no idea where he was. Hefei looked so different when traversing through the deep ridges below. Periodically he heard the clashing of metal and the panicked trumpets of horses but they’d fade away before he had the chance to find them. Eventually he chocked it up to them simply being phantoms, manifestations of the guilt that clung to his heart and not just the weight of Taishi Ci’s death but all those that would find themselves wandering Hefei through death refusing to given him reprieve. Yes, all ghosts, figments of his imagination, only wanting to remind him of his failure here.

Keep going, a voice told him among the phantom cries and clashing metal. He obeyed it, despite the pain and exhaustion, despite the heaviness of his heart. He wanted to think that it was the ghost of Taishi Ci speaking to him, or perhaps it was that of his wife that was still among their forces, calling to him to carry on for her and their children when his duty wasn’t enough. He tried to envision her, fraught with worry and trying to remain strong, even when news of her husband’s disappearance reached her. But the image never stuck.

She was far too strong for that. She’d put on a brave front and carry on, never once letting anyone think that her husband would have married one so weak to be rendered useless at such a possibility. She knew the risks that came with such a profession and she had accepted it when they exchanged vows. More than that, he reminded himself as the pain in his leg forced him to take a kneel and never once hearing the approaching soldiers until they had all but surrounded him. She embraced such a life; why else would she insist on accompanying him?

His mind lingered on her for a few moments more, as though to chase away the reality he found himself in, but there was only so much her round, beaming face could do to mask the soldiers clad in blue that now covered every possible corner, especially their general at their front. It was the same man that he fought off when he found Taishi Ci and there was no doubt to what his purpose was here. All weapons were drawn and pointed at him, and one of which dangled a rope in plain sight of their target.

One of two fates awaited him. Capture, followed by interrogation, humiliation, a ransom to be sent to Lord Quan though it would never come to fruition as Lü Meng was certain that this route would lead to inevitable suicide before ever returning to his lord so disgraced. Or, cut to the chase and die fighting here. He was confident enough in his own ability to hold his own against one or two at a time, but he held no lofty expectations about it. Surrounded and wounded, there was only one way a fight would end… and he accepted it.

‘I’m sorry Master Taishi Ci,’ he thought, bitterness swelling in his mouth and he swallowed it down to not allow his enemy to get the satisfaction of seeing any of it. He rose his weapon and his stance spoke volumes, and the grin that graced the general’s face gave him solace that they both welcomed this decision. ‘Forgive me, but… this is as far as I go…’

His thoughts were drowned out by a bellow of a horse and the grey stallion that charged towards them proved to be no phantom, as he slammed his long muzzle into the nearest soldier and gnashed his teeth into another’s arm. The man atop the horse was equally real and in a flurry of goose feathers and bells, Gan Ning threw himself at the crowd, ball and chain reeking havoc. 

The warrior in Lü Meng was ashamed, as all he could do was fall to his knees and bear witness to the carnage left in Gan Ning’s and Ying’s wake. Men fell with their skulls and other vitals crushed from the weighted ball the former pirate swung around or trampled beneath Ying’s powerful hooves, and it was mercifully short. Few had managed to escape with their lives and dignity intact, but the general was the last to fall. He tried to flee with his men, but Gan Ning gave him no chance. With almost inhuman skill he pounced on top of the man and wrapped the chains around his neck. All it had taken was a tight twist on each end and the general’s neck snapped, and he was long since dead by the time Gan Ning let out a feral growl, one last warning for his departing spirit despite its uselessness. “Never lay a hand on him again… NEVER.”

The battle was over and all Lü Meng could do was look at the ones that saved his life, too exhausted and stupefied because of it. He couldn’t think straight- he couldn’t even see straight, though that didn’t stop him from running his mouth. “Where the hell did you come from?”

Gan Ning didn’t answer. The moment Lü Meng spoke, he jumped off of the dead general and pounced him, though there was no fangs or claws digging into him. No, only a tight embrace and how Lü Meng was still kneeling was a mystery to him until he realized just how close the former pirate held him. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but the waver in Gan Ning’s voice wasn’t something he’d ever expect to hear from the normally loud and boisterous man. “Ossan! I swear, if you ever do that again, I’ll skin you an’ use you as a rug!”

“Not like… I did it on purpose…” Lü Meng managed to speak though it only came out as a mumble, and even then it took far too much effort. Something fueled such a vivid response from the former pirate and he was both glad and yet frightened of it. Was he really that worried about him? Why? He could feel the man steeling himself, though, as tightly as he held him he couldn’t hide the tremble Lü Meng felt. It was comforting, even if it was stifling, and he was more surprised than anything that it wasn’t accompanied by tears. Perhaps Gan Ning was doing all that he could to stop them? He was a far stronger man than him, as Lü Meng couldn’t stop his own and his eyes swelled with them now. They were eventually wiped away when Gan Ning pulled back and cupped his cheeks with strong, bloodied hands. “Been trying to get back. It wasn’t easy…”

 

“Yeah, no shit.” Gan Ning laughed but there was no mirth in it. Ying eventually returned to his master’s side. He threatened to tear the two apart but his own jealousy was quelled by the joy of seeing Lü Meng alive once again. Gan Ning nudged the intrusive muzzle away with a shrug, keeping Lü Meng all for himself as he tried to explain. “When this ass of a horse showed up without you, we thought… I thought…” He could barely even say it and only at this close distance could Lü Meng see the depths of the former pirate’s concerns, as well as a hint of the cause. That glint in his eyes could not be mistaken for anything else and Lü Meng was simply lost in it, even when he pulled him into another embrace. “It doesn’t matter. You’re alive and I’m gonna get you out of here.”

Lü Meng was still whirling from everything. Whiplash of staring death in the face to being held so tenderly by Gan Ning of all people made it all too easy for the former pirate to pull him to his feet. They managed two steps towards Ying before the pain forced a hiss from the general’s lips and Gan Ning was far too gentle in helping him back down for his liking. “Damn, someone’s got your leg good.”

“Zhang Liao,” Lü Meng said, not even bothering to look at it. He never considered any long lasting damage. He was surprised he’d survive at all, but how could he possibly be of any use to Lord Quan now? His strategies already failed him- if he couldn’t stand to fight, then what good was he? How could he ever fulfill his promise to Taishi Ci?

It occurred to him and he grabbed Gan Ning’s shoulder before he could pull away again. The sudden motion and the strength behind the grip silenced whatever Gan Ning was going to say and Lü Meng forced his own words through, despite how his heart hated to speak them. “Gan Ning, listen to me. You have to go. Protect Lord Quan…”

“Right. We have to go,” said Gan Ning. There was no pause or hesitation. He didn’t understand Lü Meng’s meaning and nor was he even going to try. “Now come on. Ying’s strong enough for both of us.”

“No, Gan Ning, I’m… in no condition to fight.”

“No kidding. That leg looks pretty bad, but don’t worry. I’ll do enough fighting for the both of us, you know that!”

Again, Gan Ning tried to pull him up but Lü Meng had just enough strength to yank him back down. Soon both of them were on their knees and the former pirate let out a snarl. “What’s your problem, Ossan? I’m trying to help!”

“Go without me- fight in my place.” He couldn’t be any more clear and still Gan Ning gave him this dumbfounded look! Was he really that stupid or was he just being stubborn? With Gan Ning, both were likely. Without ever losing his vicegrip, he tried again to get through to him, his desperation fueled by his frustration and adding an unsavory edge to his voice. Not a pleasant last conversation he wanted to have with him or anyone, but perhaps there was simply no other way? “You have a talent, you know, and if anyone could fight their way to victory here, I know it’s you. You must go, before Zhang Liao or another harms our lord. Without Lord Quan, Wu would…”

He couldn’t even think of it. It was too horrifying a thought to fathom and like a coward, he tried to hide from it. By now, Gan Ning caught on and his glower only made things worse for Lü Meng. “You expect me to just leave you here to die?”

“I expect you to follow orders and see to your duty.”

“Bah, since when was I ever good at followin’ orders. Preservin’ Wu and savin’ our lord from bad decisions isn’t MY duty, it’s yours, so don’t throw your duty at me, Ossan.”

But Lü Meng wasn’t listening. “Lord Quan needs you-”

Suddenly the hold was reversed and Lü Meng wasn’t prepared for it at all, nor was he prepared for Gan Ning’s violent outburst. “And you? What about you?”

“Me?” Lü Meng hiccuped, his own voice much too meek to really have belonged to him. “What about me?”

“Wu needs you. What do you expect we’d do without you?”

He never considered it and now that the question was dragged into the open, he tried to find a satisfactory answer for the both of them. “I’d expect you all to continue to serve you the best of your abilities. I know everyone is capable of greatness… assuming they haven’t been killed already.”

 

His heart wept for Taishi Ci but Gan Ning didn’t allow him to dwell on it for too long. He gave him a shake and forced his gaze on him, as he let out an impatient growl. “Stop it! Stop that! You say Lord Sun Quan needs me and yeah, maybe you’re right, but he needs you too. We all do. He needs your strength and your smarts right now- he needed them from the very beginning then maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess we’re in now. That kid, what’s his face- Lu Xun! He needs his teacher because he sure as hell ain’t ready to run the show as he is now. Lu Su needs someone to do all the things he can’t do because he’s so tied up with that arrogant prick of a neighbor of ours.”

Bit by bit it was starting to sink in, even though Gan Ning wasn’t done. “You gotta be there to remind Zhu Ran of the bigger picture and that not everything can be solved with fire. I swear that kid’s gonna burn everything to the ground someday. Who else is gonna keep Ling Tong off my back, huh? He’d be dead if it wasn’t for you.”

“Or you might be dead…”

Gan Ning scoffed at the notion and didn’t waste a moment even considering the possibility that Ling Tong or anyone could trump him. “And what about your family? Ren, your kids, that stupid pig you dragged in from the river.”

Lü Meng shook his head and nearly pounded the earth. “Pug. Pug. It’s a damn pug.”

“Pug, pig, whatever. How could I ever show myself to them again if they knew I left you here to die? If your mother didn’t kill me, then the shame would!”

Now Lü Meng couldn’t help but smile, though it was marred with dirt, blood, and despair. “Since when did you ever feel shame? I thought you, the famed Gan Ning of the Bells, were above such things?”

“Well, when it comes to that wife of yours, one can learn to pick up a thing or two…”

“Besides, Ying would kill you first,” Lü Meng added. He could no longer deny the urge to scratch the horse’s nose and he was rewarded with a happy whicker for doing so. He was amazed that Ying even tolerated Gan Ning’s presence long enough to let him ride him this far and he suspected the only reason the horse didn’t try to chase him away now was that he thought Gan Ning would help his master onto his back. He considered everything Gan Ning had said and eventually he let out a sigh. “But I would slow you down…”

Gan Ning shook his head and dismissed it. “Not a chance, Ossan. Ou got a lot more left in you then that and even you know it. You’re just being dramatic… might be some of Lord Zhou Yu rubbing off on you. Now, stop talking like you aren’t gonna be around forever. We gotta go.”

What else could Lü Meng do? Despite Gan Ning’s observations, he had no strength to fight him off. The former pirate was a natural fighter and even if his leg wasn’t injured, he couldn’t beat him in a fight. Not after the brutality he just witnessed. So, without a fuss, he allowed him to pull him back to his feet and the moment they were leveled, he cuffed him on the back of the head. “I told you to stop calling me that, brazen pirate.”

“Yeah, well, if I gotta drag your ass to your horse, then you deserve it,” said the former pirate, recovering from the blow as though it were nothing. No. He welcomed it. His smile was wolf-like in appearance and hard to miss, especially at this angle. It had taken seemingly no time to get the wounded general on his mount and Gan Ning’s theory proved correct as Ying didn’t even grunt in protest at the additional passenger. It was just as likely that he was too content to see his master alive once more as it was that he was eager to move out. His ears flicked around rapidly, an indication that there was actively just beyond their hearing range and that it’d be time to go soon. Before they could ride off, Lü Meng grabbed Gan Ning’s hand and squeezed it tightly, forcing his attention back towards him. The way his crimson eyes dance with worry was telling but still, Lü Meng had to know. Gan Ning asked, “What’s wrong?”

“And you?” Lü Meng asked. He knew he should have let it go for later, but would there be a later? He couldn’t take that chance, not with Taishi Ci’s death so fresh, not when his own brush was mere moments ago. “What would you do without me?”

Perhaps had Gan Ning not found him in such a state, he would have denied everything, but the fact that there was absolutely no pause or remorse in his confession was more than enough to confirm Lü Meng’s suspicions. “What do you think? I’d die.”

And that was enough for now. There could be no greater love confession than that, and Lü Meng wouldn’t go digging for one. Now, with this new knowledge and burden on his heart, he could only manage a silent nod and he turned away, as though he knew Gan Ning caught his smile before he did so. They wasted no more time; once the glaive was secured on Ying’s saddle, Gan Ning give the horse a kick and they were off.

Whatever would become of Gan Ning’s confession would simply have to wait. They had to reunite with the main unit and see to not only Lord Quan’s survival but Wu’s as well. Love would simply have to wait...


	44. Cyclonized Typhoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sima Yi weasels more information from Lady Ren and Lü Meng must face a defeated Lord Quan on his own...

“Mother, he’s back.”

The venom in Ba’s voice was enough of an indication who was coming to visit them and Lady Ren countered with a polite smile as she bowed her head to Sima Yi. “It’s his castle; he’s more than welcomed to go about as he pleases.”

“A wise woman,” Sima Yi said, his voice pleasant but mocking in its own way. He remained at the doorway and the way he glanced about threatened to chase away any ill feelings he might have brought with him. “I can’t help but notice you’re missing one of your ever diligent guardians. Where’s your dog?”

“One of your soldiers took him out to do his business. It wouldn’t do your men’s morale any good if your guests’ pet left is presents here when you’re already taking a pounding, now would it?” Her smile grew in mirth and she motioned to the empty chair next to her. “Don’t worry about Ba. He’ll mind his manners.”

And as if given a silent command, the young man bobbed his head and ventured deeper into the room to grant them as much privacy as the room could allow. Not that he seemed happy or eager to do so, but he was at least obedient, which was a blessing in Sima Yi’s eyes. Only one Lü Meng’s oldest stepped away did the Wei strategist enter and he made a mental note to mind his words- the Chief-Commander’s children may have been obedient, but he sincerely doubted they weren’t clever in their own right and he was still certain his wife to be the best kind of spy.

Not that he was too worried. She may have outmaneuvered him once before but he wouldn’t be fooled a second time, he told himself. Still, he had to be quick- who knew when her guardians would return? He at least took comfort that one of them was preoccupied with manning the defenses, though he wouldn’t doubt the commander would sense when the wolf was trying to sneak into the hen house again.

With that in mind, he didn’t waste time. The moment he sat down, he got straight into the proddings. “So, my dear lady, may I ask about the relationship that you and our esteemed commander share? He seems quite fond of you.”

“Does he?” Ren sat on the mat, hands on her knees and rigid, not at all nervous or fidgeting like most would when knowingly being interrogated. Sima Yi wanted to think her simply too daft to realize it but he knew better now. She considered what he said and gave a small shrug. “More so than his own wife? Or his own soldiers and kingdom?”

“He is a rather compassionate one, despite his daunting appearance, I’ll admit. But for them, he has a reason. You? The wife of Wu’s current Chief-Commander? Why does he extend such to you? What have you done or your husband done to earn such a boon?”

She smiled so sweetly. “You’ve already said it yourself, didn’t you? Lord Cao Ren is a very compassionate man. Why wouldn’t he treat the wife of his current ally so?”

Sima Yi knew she was stalling but he kept a passive front present though his smile wasn’t nearly as sweet as hers. He could never match such a thing, and nor would he ever try to stoop to someone else’s level to try. “I can list plenty of reasons but for the sake of how precious our time together is, I’ll spare you. I mean no harm with my questions. I’m merely curious to learn more about my commander and our ally.”

He almost hesitated when saying the word ‘ally’ but just managed to forge through it without a hiccup. No, he didn’t believe their alliance would last, nor would he feed such a fantasy and he expected the same from his ‘allies’. Ren didn’t seem too convinced and she peered at the opened window, more than obvious that she was contemplating the situation while avoiding it. He leaned closer but never at the rate where he could lay a hand on her, and he admired how well she managed to steel herself to not flinch. “Let’s start simple, shall we? How did the two of you meet? I’m sure it’s a fantastic story.”

“You seem to like stories, Lord Sima Yi. You remind me of my youngest. He has such an imagination and I can see him doing this part of our story justice.” Then she giggled, though why she did so was lost on the strategist. She explained once the giggles calmed down. “Lord Cao Ren and I met twice before. The first time was when I was retreating from Hefei.”

“You were there? Hardly a fitting place for a precious gem such as yourself, don’t you think?”

The giggles may have died away but only to evolve into howling laughter and Sima Yi leaned back to avoid his eardrums from rupturing at the drastic change in volume. “‘Precious gem’? Lord Sima Yi, I never took you for a flirt! What would your wife say if she caught wind of this scandal? I’d be worried if I were you!”

The very idea sent a shiver down the Wei strategist’s spine and he pressed on to put the unsavory notion as far behind him as he could manage. “Surely your husband thinks such of you?”

“He does, but I’m hardly a gem to him. Precious, I suppose, but he never had the intention of keeping me away from others and if he did, he had no way of keeping me away when I’ve made up my mind to attend. He knew that when we married.”

Finally the laughter died down and the Wei strategist was both grateful and now enlightened. “You were not afraid to accompany your husband, despite not only the physical danger, but the danger of shaming him?”

“He waltzes into danger so freely, so why should I be exempt from it when I can be there for support? As for the latter, he’s hardly worried about that. He’s not some paltry peacock that watches his every move nor does he worry too much about what others think of him, barring the opinion of our lord, of course. When you start from nothing like he did and rise up, you soon learn that not everyone’s opinion matters, and small things easily get swept away in lieu of more pressing matters.”

Sima Yi had done some research on Wu’s current Chief-Commander if only to keep himself on his toes and what he learned of the man was both fascinating and terrifying. A penniless farmer from Fupo, he managed to go from a bodyguard to the most prestigious title of Chief-Commander. It was one of the highest, if not the highest rank in all of Wu, in regards to their military. He had no nobility in his bloodline and yet the only thing keeping that from being a reality was that Lord Sun Quan was only a Marquis himself and could not make the decree official. He had participated in countless battles and better than simply surviving them, he came out of most of them with some substantial deed that earned him rank and rewards. All of this from a humble farmer from Fupo. What possible shame or ridicule would affect a man that literally started with nothing?

He had to admit, it struck a nerve but one would have never suspected a thing just by looking at him. “So, you accompanied him to Hefei. However did you survive that bloodbath?”

“Don’t think too highly of me, my lord. I did no fighting. I merely came as support and after our lord gave the order to retreat, I accompanied a young general and a small unit to bring those too ill to fight back to Ruxukou. It was then when we ran into Lord Cao Ren.” Her eyes took a distant look, as though picturing herself and the general back at Hefei. After a few moments of silence musing, she carried on with a more genuine smile plastered on her face. “He looked at the condition of our soldiers and decided to let us pass. He knew they couldn’t fight, and he also knew that most of them wouldn’t survive the journey back, so he let us go.”

“How… compassionate… of him.” Another world he wanted to throw in there was ‘foolish’ but he knew better than to let that slip. Even if those men were on their deathbed, one couldn’t take the chance of letting them live. Still, he wasn’t here to judge his commander, he reminded himself. In Cao Ren’s mind and heart, he did what he personally felt was correct and in doing so, he likely not only made good time in reaching Hefei by not engaging, but secured this alliance. “Did he knew who you were?”

She shook her head. “It never occurred to him to ask. He simply told us to leave and, having no means to carry on in a one-sided fight, we obliged.”

“A wise move, ultimately.” It wasn’t as satisfying a tale as he hoped it would be nor was it as informative as he’d like, but it did sate some of his curiosity. Still, to see Cao Ren so protective of their ally’s wife, even under the illusion that she was a guest, a hostage, refused to be quelled for too long. He recalled that she mentioned a second encounter but there was no time left. The sound of claws clicking against marble flooring and the speed of which warned that one of her defenders would return soon, and not wanting to deal with the pug’s howls, he chose to make a graceful retreat. “How interesting. I look forward to the retelling of the second time you two met, my lady. Until then.”

She bowed her head and paid no mind as he left. Like him, she could hear Baozi approaching and she prepared her lap, placing a rag over it as she suspected he might have indulged himself in the puddles. Only once Sima Yi left did Ba return to her side and his sour glare didn’t dampen either his mother’s nor the pug’s spirits as he trotted in and took his place. “What does he even want? What’s in it for him by knowing how you met with Lord Cao Ren?”

“He’s looking for some kind of leverage, either to use against your father, or all of Wu, or maybe even against Lord Cao Ren himself. Who can really tell with that man?” Ren showered Baozi with affection, despite how soaked he was. The soldier that tended to the dog’s needs gave a silence bow and retreated, though she made sure to keep her voice down. After all, to everyone but Cao Ren and Sima Yi, they were ‘hostages’ and despite their kingdoms’ alliance, there were still dangers that came from loose lips. “We’ll just have to be careful around him, that’s all. Wouldn’t do your father any good if we give up anything valuable to that shrewd, scary man, wouldn’t it, Baozi?”

The pug ate up the pet and baby talk, but Ba wasn’t as receptive. The crease in his brow marred his otherwise youthful features and never had he looked so much like his father than now. He was chided for it and it only deeped his anger. “Don’t do that, Ba. He wouldn’t dare do something so soon. Not with the castle under siege as it is now.”

“It’s not just that. It’s all this waiting.” Ba confessed, looking out the window and pondering how Pang De and the others that charged out were faring. He could see the banners in the distance though just barely, but no news had reached them and he couldn’t help but fear the worst. Another trait he picked up from his father, Ren noted with a sigh. “And doing nothing.”

Ren couldn’t blame him for being so flustered. Lü Meng had always been active and the idea of lounging around when one knew something big was occurring just out of reach was never one that he understood or accepted. Too much of him was in his son and Ren wished there was a way to help him cope. He was young and held with him a sense of duty that was passed from father to son, and she pondered how best to explain that his duty was to remain here at her side and out of danger? Worse, when would he simply follow his parents’ example and grab a Wei soldier’s garments and storm out to aid them against their common foe?

She wouldn’t put that outside the realm of possibilities and nor could she blame him. It was all her’s and Lü Meng’s fault, she figured. Could she stop him if or when the time comes? Would she try?

“Just a little longer, Ba. I know it’s not easy, but just wait a while longer.” Then she had an idea and she couldn’t help but beam at the thought. She motioned to the board game, threatening to throw poor Baozi off but wrapping an arm around his stocky body before he could slip off. “Why don’t you teach me how to play Go? If I wait for your father to teach me, I’ll never learn.”

She knew it’d be a mild distraction at best, but Ba couldn’t disobey his mother’s request. So he retrieved the board to entertain Ren’s wishes while the fight waged on beyond the safety of the walls, though how much longer would they remain so?

A unit moved, unbeknownst by either the mother and son couple or Wei, and their destination was well within a day’s march…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was amazing how much ground Ying covered even with two passengers on his back. It felt like it didn’t take more than a few minutes at most before they could see the tell tale signs of the carnage of the battle. Broken banners, fallen soldiers, discarded weapons. Lü Meng tried not to stare at a single thing for too long as a means of combating the guilt and sense of failure that kept eating away at his already fragile conscience. As callous as it might have been, he couldn’t focus on that now. Nor could he spare a thought to the revelation that was thrust upon him by his rescuer though at least he seemed willing to put it aside for the greater good.

“We got trouble,” Gan Ning said, alerting Lü Meng to the two Wei horsemen that spotted them and now gave chase. It was a fortunate occurrence as it drew them away from the Wu soldiers they were charging at but even with Ying’s strength, it wouldn’t take long for them to catch up with them. One was taking aim with his bow, but Gan Ning proved to be the quicker draw of the two, as he strung his short bow and fired away before the man ever had the chance to release his arrow. With impeccable aim, Gan Ning’s arrow managed to strike into the man’s skull and the man was dead before ever hitting the ground. The second horseman didn’t even spare his fallen comrade a glance and Gan Ning grabbed Ying’s reins and forced the horse to bank a hard left, just barely avoiding an arrow hitting either Lü Meng or his horse. Ying slowed at the near miss and the next thing Lü Meng knew, the former pirate was airborne, leaping from Ying’s back and grabbing for the approaching horse’s neck. 

Lü Meng feared the man missed and so did the horsemen, but both of them were equally surprised when an arm reached from beneath the horse and violently yanked the rider off. Lü Meng paid little mind to how the Wei officer twisted and rolled away, and he sent Gan Ning a crooked grin as he commandeered the horse and came to run by his side. “Was that really necessary?”

“Two riders was slowin’ us down. ‘Sides, gotta remind them that Zhang Liao ain’t the only one to be afraid of.”

“Right.” Lü Meng scanned the battlefield. The vision in his right eye was still dark and murky, but it would have been impossible not to spot the enemy commander and his intended target. “Gan Ning-”

“On it!” He didn’t need to say any more. With a shout, Gan Ning darted off and made his own charge to intercept Zhang Liao. The famed general was going straight for Sun Quan and seemingly nothing and no one could stop him. Men were either thrown aside or slain for trying and the panic among the Wu forces was just as crippling as the Zhang Liao’s blades had been. Even if they intercepted him and rescued their lord, they would be facing a crisis and Lü Meng’s mind raced for some kind of solution, even as Gan Ning left him in the dust.

First they’d have to rescue Lord Quan, was clearly Gan Ning’s only thought, as he gave little care for the long term solution even when Lü Meng knew him to be capable of it. His eyes were set on his target and nothing short of death would pull him away. He charged through the chaos, swerving and dodging his horse and deflecting all of the obstacles and though his stolen horse had given up just short of his target, he lunged himself at Zhang Liao. The bells gave away his attack but even Zhang Liao was forced to turn his halberds to catch the weighted ball that would have otherwise crushed not only his helmet but his skull. All it had taken was a heart yank for throw Zhang Liao from his horse though it hardly made him any less terrifying or a threat. 

It was enough to give Lord Quan the opening he desperately needed. The sight of someone putting a stop to the Wei dreadnought’s charge gave him hope and soon he was being led away on both sides by Zhou Tai and Lianshi. Lü Meng watched as they fled into the nearby garrison as Zhang Liao and Gan Ning exchanged blows. It was their best chance and Lü Meng took full advantage of it.

Wu had to regroup if they wanted a chance of surviving this. They were too scattered, broken up and easy to be picked off at this rate, which was likely what Zhang Liao was aiming for. The best counter would be to reunite and with a goal in mind, he wheeled Ying around. He had to find as many as he could and see to their safety, then corral them to the garrison. So long as he remained mounted and Gan Ning kept their enemy at bay, their lord would remain safe and there’d be hope.

It didn’t take long to find and scoop up a fallen drum and he gave them a loud and distinct pound. It would be a familiar rhythm to any Wu officer present at Lujiang and one that he hoped would inspire and renew the will to survive in his men. Ying balked and fidgeted at the loud noise so close to his ears but he didn’t buck or panic. If anything, his grunts helped and he was quick to trot about to aid his master’s efforts in lengthening its range. If the pounding drums wasn’t enough then Lü Meng’s shouts would do the trick. It was loud and it carried like a tiger’s roar, meaning to inspire awe and terror in its wake.

“Soldiers of Wu, hear me! Take heart. Lord Quan is safe and our Gan Ning’s taken the fight directly to our enemy. If you can hear the drums or my voice, then there’s still hope! Make your way to the southern garrison. Fight your way, help your fellow man. Survive and regroup. You can overcome this!”

He kept pounding those drums and shouting and he intended to keep doing so until the drum ruptured from the abuse and his voice became raw and a faint whisper of what it once was, if it meant to save as many soldiers as he could. He wasn’t sure how effective his efforts were to his own men, but if Wei’s reaction was of any indication, then he took heart when one of their officers came at him. The short stature of the warrior, even when on horseback, and the twin hook blades gave away his identity to Lü Meng and the drum was his savior as the Wu general threw the instrument up, blocking Yue Jin’s attempt at his head. A single blow was enough to rupture the taut hide and Ying backed away, allowing the second swing to glide over air and giving his rider a chance to grab for his own weapon. Yue Jin’s dislodged the drum and Lü Meng managed to catch and deflect the next swing.

On a normal day, Lü Meng was confident in his own abilities, but even he knew he was at a clear disadvantage with his opponent. Yue Jin was smaller and though lacked range with his current weapon, he had speed, skill, and sheer tenacity at his side, and it didn’t take him long to spot the makeshift bandage and seek to further his own advantage. Lü Meng relied heavily on Ying’s movements now and it was his horse’s temperament that kept him in the fight, as Yue Jin’s horse wasn’t nearly as courageous as his master or Ying. Every movement from either man and every snap from Ying made him buck and threatened to buck Yue Jin off.

Lü Meng saw an opening and he took it, aiming for the horse and striking at one of the legs. It wouldn’t be enough to kill the horse but it was successful in tricking the stead to throw his rider off and Lü Meng took the opening without a second thought. He kicked Ying into motion and gave the stallion free reign. Arrows were being launched at him and as cowardly as it was, he made his way to the safety of the garrison. He did all he could do for now- everything else relied on him being alive long enough to see to Lord Quan’s continued survival.

~*~*~

Once Zhang Liao was forced to retreat, the survivors that heard Lü Meng or caught wind from another began trickling in, seeking sanctuary with little complaint or fuss. Lü Meng was still being tended to by a medic when Zhu Ran filled him in after his tumble. They lost many officers and even more soldiers, and those that survived did so through either the aid and sacrifice of their fellow man, a tenacious will to survive, or like him, through sheer dumb luck. 

Zhang Liao and his men had moved like a spear let loose and even when his own men were surrounded, he managed to keep the larger Wu army scattered and rescued those trapped men without a single loss. Begrudgingly, Lü Meng couldn’t help but find such a feat admirable, even when it was so effective against his own men, and the whispers of other’s accounts certainly painted the Wei general as more a demon than man, and not once did Lü Meng blame them. 

The only one that managed to stop Zhang Liao had been Gan Ning and Lü Meng fought down the urge to seek him out. He had long since returned but he didn’t go to the medic station so that should have been enough to ease whatever concerns he had. Not that it worked, he scoffed, and he chose to distract himself with Zhu Ran’s report, as unsavory and damned near heart-wrenching as it was.

It was though Zhu Ran that he learned that Taishi Ci, though visibly wounded in an earlier ambush, had doubled back to warn Lord Quan, only for him to throw himself between his lord and Zhang Liao’s blades when he sought to end their lord’s and Wu’s life in a single blow. Zhu Ran was in admiration a he spoke of the event, yet even his good mood was shattered when Lü Meng recounted their fateful meet up shortly after. The young man tried to hide it and kept a cheerful bravado, even when Lü Meng was clearly not convinced. His heart was still too heavy and he sought to lock it away, or amplify it, when he sought out news of others.

Lu Xun had taken Ren and those infected from the river back to Ruxukou before they even made it to Hefei, Zhu Ran said, and Lü Meng nearly cried out with relief though just barely held it in. Barring any ambushes, they should be safe, and he prayed for an uneventful and safe journey for them.

It’d be the only good news he’d receive besides Lord Quan’s survival and yet he was grateful for both.

Ling Tong was the sole survivor of his unit, as those that didn’t perish from the initial ambush had died ensuring Lord Quan escaped. It was Ling Tong who gave up his own horse when Sun Quan’s was speared and he made it out of the fray with only minor physical injuries. The mental ones, Lü Meng feared, would likely never heal and yet he knew to leave him be for now. He had his own way of coping with grief and he wouldn’t try to enforce it again, not with their estranged relationship still so fresh in his mind. If Ling Tong wished to seek him, or comfort some another, then he’d leave it in his hands, he told himself.

The fact that Ling Tong was so sour from the fight that he paid absolutely no mind to Gan Ning when he bumped into him spoke volumes to Lü Meng and he knew to stay well away for now. Having lost all of them men under his command, what time did he have to entertain his grievances with with his father’s killer? Small blessings, though Lü Meng scolded himself as soon as the thought popped into his head. He’d keep his door open for Ling Tong, should he seek counsel, he told himself, assuming he could keep his nerves together long enough after he spoke with Lord Quan himself.

He refused Zhu Ran’s aid as he made the trip. Though injured, he couldn’t afford to look weak before his lord. He hadn’t slipped or faltered, yet it was all threatening to fall apart, as moment Lord Quan’s green eyes fell onto him, the Wu general was overwhelmed with shame and grief. Worse was that only part of it was his own. Whatever he felt, Lord Quan’s misery only added onto it and how Lü Meng managed to keep his voice from wavering as he bowed from the hip was simply lost, even to himself. “My lord-”

He got no further before someone grabbed him and threatened to throw him down. He fought all warrior’s instincts and didn’t strike back and with good reason as it would have undoubtedly harmed the one he swore to serve and protect. He hadn’t expected such a visceral reaction and despite the pain, he caught his lord and locked his knees , saving both of them from another tumble. “M-my lord!”

“I feared I lost you.” Sun Quan managed to say though it was hard to hear even when he was so close. Eventually he pulled himself away and as shameful as it was, Lü Meng couldn’t look away from the tears that danced in his lord’s eyes. How much had his lord witnessed and endured to leave him clinging onto him, he wondered. He held up his lord but he dared not return the embrace. That act of reciprocation would surely undo him! “I’ve lost so many already. I’m relieved that you’re not lost to me...”

Taishi Ci. Lü Meng refrained from speaking his name if only just barely and he forced a smile in hopes of soothing his lord. “We have, but now we need to access the situation, so that their deaths won’t be in vain.”

“Are they not already?” Before Lü Meng could return the touch, Sun Quan pulled away, and with no one else present, save perhaps Zhou Tai standing diligently outside the tent, never had Lü Meng seen his lord so vulnerable, so angry. It hadn’t occurred to him until now that his lord never experienced defeat of this magnitude, and that neither had he. How was he even handling it? What did it matter? He had to face Lord Quan now and the despair and disgust that marred his lord’s voice made it easy to keep him in the forefront. “We should have steamrolled our enemy. It should have been a massacre.”

“My lord, I’m sorry-”

“No, don’t… this isn’t your fault.” Lord Quan cut him off before he could continue and Lü Meng could only stare in disbelief, rendered mute at the sudden steel in his voice. “All of this is mine. You kept trying to cover all of the bases and scenarios but I kept ignoring your council.”

Though still speechless, Lü Meng tried to speak up, his own attempts pathetic even to his own ears. “Nonsense, my lord. You couldn’t have known-”

Sun Quan laughed suddenly and the sound struck a nerve, lashing far deeper than the words had. “Do you remember? When I asked you to perform that trick, back when you were just my brother’s bodyguard?”

It took a bit of jogging in his brain but he did and he was surprised he could. He was even more surprised that Sun Quan remembered and he hope the dim lighting of the tent would be enough to hide the faintest blush that warmed his cheeks. “I do, my lord.”

“Yet, you don’t seem to remember what lesson my brother tried to teach you?” The laughter died down and with it, any mirth that the two were desperately clinging onto. It was a fruitless endeavor. The memory was vivid but the lesson he was meant to learn was illusive, however, and he was grateful when his lord simply carried on to remind him. “Lü Meng, you’re one of the most, if not the most, loyal officers Wu has the fortune of recruiting. Your faith and services to my family are admirable and know that though I fail to show it from time to time, I am grateful for it. But you’re perhaps too loyal, too obedient- even when you’re in the right, you follow along with whatever I say or desire, despite the costs. You’re too willing to obey order and please me, when you know my will could be disastrous. And that worries me.”

Lü Meng could only stare at his lord and suddenly years spent studying seemed wasted as he simply couldn’t understand his words. 

How could one be too obedient? Was that not what was expected of him? Did he not already swear his life to the Sun family? His life was forfeit, as far as he was concerned if it would secure any member of the Sun family. And yet, it seemed to displease his lord? He held his tongue as Lord Quan finally stepped away. “I could have lost you, among so many others, and I know you’d be all too willing to accept that. I fear I don’t deserve you, or any that follow me…”

“Nonsense!” The same courage that carried him onto the battlefield time and time again remained present now, and he forged boldly onwards, even when Sun Quan sent him an incredulous look. “I cannot speak for others but I can certainly speak for myself when I say that you are the only one worthy of serving. Had it not been for your family, I’d have never left those fields. I may have been conscripted or I may not have survived another winter. Without you, I’d never have taken to studying, and then where would I be?

“My lord, I owe everything I have and all that I am to Wu,” he continued, more gently when he feared he saw the start of tears in his lord’s eyes. Too bold, too abrasive, and with anyone else but Sun Quan, he’d be alright with that. What was it about him that made him so cautious, he pondered. He treaded forward but softly this time, trying to channel whatever charm and silk he could from the late Zhou Yu. “And I assure you, it’s all deserving. You’ve earned it, and I would gladly surrender my life to you, if it meant to keep you and Wu safe.”

Sun Quan said nothing and there was no use in trying to read his thoughts. Even after his studies, there were things that remained too complicated a book for him and it nagged him, though the itch wasn’t as potent as usual. Eventually, either his words or his lord’s private thoughts placated him, undoing the knot in his own gut. Lord Quan turned away and whatever remnants of doubt and self pity were gone completely or simply too well hidden for Lü Meng to see. “Be as it may, I’m glad I haven’t lost you, both in life and in loyalty. I should have listened to your council more. Perhaps we wouldn’t be in this situation if I had.”

It physically pained him to swallow his words, and he nearly choked on his pride, though just managed to keep it down. He chose not to confess that his own strategies might not have done much good against the raging demon that was Zhang Liao, so he simply said, “That was your call to make, my lord. And I accepted that. I don’t think a single man here expected such a fierce offensive from our enemy.”

Lord Quan nearly snickered at the way Lü Meng put it but he kept it together with admirable skills. Too many died here to find much humor. That didn’t stop the young lord from grinning, and he didn’t leave Lü Meng in the dark for long. “I am grateful for following one bit of advice you left you me, though.”

“My lord?”

“I once considered releasing Gan Ning from my services,” he said, his smile soft and yet unmistakable. “Yet, despite all of his countless offenses and flaws, you kept staying my hand and insisting on keeping him around. Only now do I realize just how correct you were, after he nearly single-handedly saved this army when things went to hell. You were the only one that had faith in him, and because of that, I will never ignore your council again.”

It wasn’t just humbling, but crushing, and how Lü Meng didn’t flee from his lord’s sight to hide his forever red cheeks could only be accounted for the many years of hardships on the battlefield. If he could survive Zhang Liao’s charge, then surely he should be able to handle such praise, he chided himself. Yet, here he was, bowing so long so that he may as well have been kowtowing, all just to hide his face from his lord. “You honor me, Lord Quan.”

“And it’s deserving, I can assure you.” In a heartbeat, the tables were turned and whatever rare tenderness from his lord was short lived but Lü Meng would never forget it. Lord Quan squared his shoulders once more and the general found the return to the familiar lord and servant business welcoming. “Now, what would you recommend we do from here?”


	45. The Jingle of Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lü Meng and Gan Ning meet again after their escape from Hefei to settle a certain matter...

It brought an extremely unsavory taste to his mouth to push the idea of retreat to his lord, but Lü Meng knew it had to be done. He didn’t have a chance to assess the damage as much as he would have wanted, but he knew enough to know that they were not prepared to march forward once more in the state they were in. With news of Cao Cao’s main unit closing in, there was little else left to do. In order to stand against the main force, they’d need a stable location to dig in, and their only available option was their base down in Ruxukou.

He knew Lord Quan wasn’t pleased with the suggestion but the man was true to his word at least. His green eyes betrayed what he kept hidden in his heart but he did not argue or speak out against Lü Meng’s suggestion, and the order was given. With taste of defeat and humiliation in their mouths, the Wu army was on the move again, though this time conquest wasn’t at the forefront of their minds. Only survival, and for some, hopes of revenge.

Lü Meng wanted to entertain the idea of finding redemption for this mess, but fate wasn’t content to give him a moment to spare a thought to it. No sooner had they moved out did he realize his mistake and news of Zhang Liao’s return traveled faster than any orders to counter the approaching charge. 

Once again the Wu army was thrown into disarray but they fought on. Entering Hefei was by far an easier task than leaving and the small but fierce Wei army was determined to ensure that Wu fought hard for their escape. Lü Meng was among those that repelled the enemy forces, never straying far from his lord’s carriage and swinging his glaive in wide yet precise archs, like an ox would lash out against a pack of wolves that dare try to take it down. Wei made their point clear. If they wanted to escape with their lives, they’d had to either outrun them or out fight them. The fate of those unable to do either were sealed… Lü Meng was determined he nor his lord would be among those.

They fought on without rest or reprieve from their enemy and they did not stop until they reached the docks where they had entered. Lü Meng was beyond relieved to see that Lord Quan had taken his earlier suggestion to heart and the docks had just reached completion by the time the army arrived. As it was, none were quick to board and set sail than any member of the Wu army and those that did escape were well content to put as much distance between them and their pursuers. 

They may have escaped with their lives, but the sting of defeat and the shame that infected their wounds would remain. It would linger, fester, and each was left to deal with it in their own way. Lü Meng wished he had such a luxury to sit down and cope with the heavy losses they endured, but there was simply no time. No sooner had they docked at Ruxukou did he entertain the possibility of a retaliatory strike from Wei and he wasted little time in preparing for such an assault. What they had done to Wei was the equivalent of kicking a hornet’s nest and it would have been foolish to think that they would not be in Cao Cao’s line of fire for when they recovered. 

It didn’t matter if the strike was immediate or would happen a year or two down the road. Lü Meng was determined they’d be prepared for it.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Would you say that was a wise course of action?” Zuo Ci asked, luring the Chief-Commander away from the memory at a deceptively soothing pace. Lü Meng was grateful to be spared from the pain but it was clear he wasn’t keen on being pulled back into the realm of reality. Not that Zuo Ci seemed bothered at all by the look he flashed him, as he pecked at the open wound more. “After all, you have suffered a substantial loss, just as any other. Do you not think you deserved a moment’s rest?”

“Perhaps I should have, but then who else would have prepared for the incoming invasion?” Lü Meng countered after some thought. No, he knew he needed to rest and heal, but he also knew that it would not take long for Cao Cao to return the invasion in kind. He knew that then, just as he knew it now, and only now did it all seem to pay off in retrospect. “He did not strike until two years later, granted, but two years passes by quickly for a general of war.”

The mystic gave a silent nod and kept whatever thoughts that danced in his head to himself, leaving Lü Meng’s curiosity to suffer for it. He wasn’t sure why he pulled him away from their journey this time and in truth he didn’t care. Zuo Ci may have all the time in the world, but he didn’t, and his impatience got the better of him once again, a reminder that perhaps some things simply couldn’t be conditioned out of him by his teachers. “Now, let’s continue. On to Ruxukou-”

Zuo Ci’s old face threatened to shatter as he smiled and it was impossible not to see the bemused gleam in his eyes. “Chief-Commander, do not be so quick to assume that because you can command armies and men that you can command me. We shall move on to this battle in due time, but for now, I’d like to linger on a little something else first. Do not think I did not notice it.”

“Notice what?” Lü Meng forced his gaze forward, ignoring all instincts to turn away. He had faced down many threats before and yet why did he find himself wanting to shy away from this? Why did he feel his heart racing and his stomach turning to a solid stone mass in his gut? How could he possibly know what the old man was getting at without so much as a hint? He kept such thoughts to himself even when he knew the mystic could simply find ways to pluck them out and he kept up the act, his gaze never wavering. 

“Something has blossomed between you and a certain former pirate, something far deeper than mere camaraderie.”

A fire ignited his heart but he swallowed down the flames before they could scorch either him or the mystic. It wasn’t something he wanted to discuss and he wasn’t afraid to let it be known. “And? Considering all we had been through, would you be surprised otherwise? It was bound to happen eventually, now let’s move on.”

“Won’t you entertain an old man’s desire? It is not often that I get to see such things in my own realm and I would have to be a fool to pass up this opportunity.” He was denied, of course. It was inevitable, he told himself, and instead of trying to fight the approaching storm, he chose to endure now. For a brief moment, he almost found himself wishing to stare down Zhang Liao in his relentless charge again rather than be forced to endure this again and there was no doubt that Zuo Ci found great humor in that. “Of all of the dangers and humiliation in your life that you’ve endured, why are you so reluctant to explore something like this? Are you afraid I will think any less of you for becoming a victim of your own lusts and desires? Are you ashamed of what had developed between the two of you?”

The Chief-Commander said nothing, nor would he. Nor did he need to. His stiffening of his shoulders and the tightening of his jaw was the only indication that Zuo Ci needed to know that if he wanted answers, he would have to seek them out himself. And so he dived right in without any further warning…

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lü Meng made a point to ignore the figure in the door frame as he had little time or patience to deal with anything beyond preparations right now. There was no servant to announce his lord’s arrival or a fanfare to accompany it, and he knew Master Lu Su was still stationed away, so to whomever lingered just out of his line of sight was lower ranked and therefor unable to retaliate to his obvious neglect. He couldn’t see who it was, but he didn’t need to see him to know that it was Gan Ning standing there. Who else walked around decked in bells? Who else would dare interrupt him when he made it blatantly clear that he didn’t wish to be disturbed but Gan Ning of the bells?

He carried on his work for a few minutes more before the other man’s patience finally waned and he almost wanted to laugh aloud about how proud he was that he had even lasted this long to begin with but managed to bite it back. “I’m coming in.”

“No, you’re not.” Lü Meng said after a few moments spent scribbling something down on the parchment in front of him in silence. He didn’t hear the jingling bells get any closer but he knew it was inevitable that he’d just barge in anyways. Since when did Gan Ning ever really follow orders that didn’t suit him? “I haven’t given you permission to yet.”

“And when will you?” Gan Ning asked, leaning into the room but not entering just yet. He must have sensed his foul mood from where he stood and was struck with some sense of self preservation to have kept away this long. Or perhaps he was actually respecting his wishes for once, despite himself? Lü Meng didn’t know, nor did he care. He had reports to write and preparations to make, and he had no time to entertain something that could threaten to unravel him from everything. Lü Meng got a few more lines written down before Gan Ning chimed in again and the jingle of the bells at his waist warned him that he was finally crossing the breach. “Screw it. Coming in.”

Lü Meng grunted but otherwise remained as he were, knowing that any kind of reaction would only entice Gan Ning to act out more. He had tried avoiding the man since their escape from Hefei but he knew this was inevitable. He had avoided it thus far but to go any further was foolish, he realized, especially with Gan Ning. He should have been surprised that the former pirate had even waited this long, but what good came in such small blessings now? “Very well. Don’t get in the way. I’m very busy.”

“When are you not?” 

The general bit back his response and kept on working. He didn’t wish to play this game but he would play it as long as possible. He knew exactly what brought Gan Ning into his study and while there was a part of him that sought out such a fantasy, his mind would assure him that it would simply remain that. A fantasy, and nothing more. Though, if he couldn’t convince even himself of this, how would he be expected to convince Gan Ning? He turned his head to the right when he heard Gan Ning approaching but still flinched when he felt his touch before ever seeing him reach out to him. What spared Gan Ning from a physical retaliation was knowledge that, between the two of them, he would likely best him in a fight, and yet with the way Gan Ning shrunk back told him just exactly how out of his element he truly was. “Sorry! I didn’t think you-”

“I’m fine,” said Lü Meng, even as he set the brush down as to not get any stray marks over the report. In a way, he was surrendering, though he wasn’t doing so willingly. The concern lighting up in the former pirate’s eyes was more than enough to pull him out of his work and he felt compelled to explain himself to him. He never wanted to see that kind of look come from Gan Ning. “I don’t see too well out of this eye. I knew you were there but I didn’t see that you were going to touch me. I’m fine.”

“That from Hefei?”

It would have been easy to say ‘yes’ and be done with it, Lü Meng told himself, even as he turned away to look back at his work. Logistics wasn’t exactly his forte but he knew that was where he was lacking in their last campaign. As it was, he was still tallying the losses in men and supplies and he wasn’t even halfway through before Gan Ning interrupted him. His heart begged for him to stop, even if only for a little while, and yet his mind still kept wanting to look towards the parchment. 

Gan Ning’s bells gave away his movement and he rose both hands before him when Lü Meng shot a glare back at him. “Relax, I’m not gonna touch ya again. Not unless you want me to. Just want a look.”

“The medics already looked. They expect a full recovery, if it was caused by the fall.” But Lü Meng didn’t push him away or lean out of his touch. Now that he knew what he was doing, he simply sat still and allowed Gan Ning to examine the area. As promised, his fingers never touched him as they pulled his bangs out of his face and in response to his slight grimace, Lü Meng was quick to explain. “I have you to thank for that scar. How’s it look now?”

“Like something I’d leave, though why you hide it I’ll never know! If I survived an encounter with a warrior as famous as me, I’d boast it!” He grinned but it hardly lifted his spirits and in turn it put a damper on Gan Ning’s own mood. He pulled away as though the sight of the scar left from many years ago triggered some unknown emotion within him and he wasn’t sure how to cope with it. If Lü Meng had to guess, it might have been guilt. The thought struck him as both humorous and exceptionally cruel, even from him. He felt he was doing Gan Ning a great service by keeping such thoughts to himself but he was hardly surprised to see his expression sour. “Sorry about that, by the way… I don’t remember doing it.”

Lü Meng shrugged and fixed his bangs back, masking the scar that he, quite honestly, had even forgotten he had. “Don’t worry about it. It didn’t kill me, so it’s not important.” He couldn’t help but brush his own fingers against the scar as he considered Gan Ning’s earlier question. Sure, he had forgotten it was there but he made a point to keep it hidden. He simply never considered why before. “We all bear scars. Some of us just prefer to keep ours out of the sight of others, I suppose.”

Gan Ning was holding himself back. That much was painfully clear. What wasn’t clear was how much longer he could hold himself back and when he eventually surrendered to his desires, where they would go from there. He knew why he was there, or in the very least, he suspected he knew why and he himself was a fool to think he could avoid it. Thus far, Gan Ning had shown remarkable self restraint and with a sigh, he gave in before he pushed him to that breaking point as he feared he wouldn’t be able to contain him once he broke lose. Not now. Not like this. Not when he knew he couldn’t keep up…

“So, what brings you in?”

Gan Ning spat, his smile doing nothing to mask his acidic tone. “You’re not stupid. You know why I’m here.”

Oh, he knew. He simply wasn’t ready to confront it yet. Not that Gan Ning was giving him much of a choice. He could have pulled rank and demanded he leave, but in a way, that would be admitting defeat, and more so than that, discarding another person’s feelings. It wasn’t something he was a stranger to, clearly, but he found himself wanting to tread carefully here. Was he doing it for Gan Ning or for himself? There was someone else to consider as well, but she wasn’t here. Her absence was both relieving and suspicious and Gan Ning seemed to have picked the perfect time to make his approach. 

“How long?” Lü Meng asked, giving in to the situation and focusing on pushing forward despite the difficult terrain. He had to endure. He also had to know how long Gan Ning’s been harboring such feelings for him. His own curiosity would not allow him to leave that stone unturned. He needed to know. He gave a terse nudge when Gan Ning looked ready to back down and he did nothing to hide the bitterness in his voice. “Well? How long have you…”

“Loved you?” 

It was the strangest way of confessing such an emotion, but Lü Meng wasn’t the most well versed in such things to feel adequate in judging. He nodded, his shoulders just as tight as his jaw. Gan Ning shrugged and his answer felt genuine enough despite the casual shrug. “Don’t know. Just sort of happened, an’ you know me. I follow my gut.”

“Or in this case, your heart…” He wanted to add in something else but refrained if only because it’d be too coarse, too cruel, even for him. He couldn’t be angry at such an answer. Love was sometimes an enigma, even to the wisest of strategists, though he thought that someone as raw and expressive as Gan Ning wouldn’t look so out of place. A wolf clad in scars wouldn’t have a problem baring its throat when he was confident enough in his ability to fight and yet there was no denying the genuine fear he saw in Gan Ning’s form despite his efforts to mask it. What did he fear? Expressing such an emotion or rejection, perhaps? Understandable fears, he readily admitted. 

“For someone that’s taken to the books to get smarter, you sure do miss out on all these cues, Ossan.” He either felt he was being mocked or was truly that vulnerable that he felt the need to lash out and Lü Meng felt little need to react to his retort, especially not in kind. No, what annoyed him more than being called ignorant or dumb was being called old man again and that was why his face soured and caused Gan Ning’s rough edged voice to soften somewhat. “I mean, I’m not exactly that subtle…”

“No, but I still have much to learn it seems. You’re right- I did miss your hints.” He was never too proud to admit his flaws, something that still seemed to strike others as an enigma given his rank and status. How easy did others forget their esteemed general grew up an ignorant farmer, it seemed. Such a humble upbringing put a crutch on one’s growing ego and one couldn’t afford to cultivate that ego when in the shadow of Zhou Yu. Always something new to learn… he assumed it’d never end. He tried to recall a lesson from either Zhou Yu or Lu Su that might have covered something to this caliber, but his mind was drawing a blank. And he absolutely hated that! How did he ever function before taking to his studies, he wondered. “Look, Gan Ning…”

“Shut up. Let me talk first, alright?”

What choice did he have? He welcomed it as it’d give him a chance to consider his own words and actions. He said nothing and gave a silent nod to continue, knowing full well that he was unleashing a torrent greater than any river or ocean onto himself.

“I always loved you… or at least wanted you, since we met. Or I wanted something from you.” Gan Ning began, looking away and training his eyes on the scrolls atop the table. Processing and expressing such emotions must have been hard for him and Lü Meng dared not interrupt or mock him for it. “Maybe it ain’t love… love, you know, but always felt something for you. It’s why I snuck back over to your side. I spotted you running off with the kid and realized… shit, I made a mistake and joined the wrong side.”

“So, that’s why you came to my tent? Of all the others you could have approached, that’s why you chose mine?”

“Anyone else would have probably killed me.”

“My wife could have killed you though,” Lü Meng said, smiling fondly despite himself. Even after all those years, he could never forget the oversized lump of pride that formed in his gut to see the famed pirate pinned to a tree by his own wife. His pregnant at the time wife. His heart ached at the thought of her and it soured his smile somewhat. Gan Ning wasn’t nearly convinced, either through sheer confidence or denial and he took Lü Meng’s silence as a means to continue.

“And then I saw you had a wife, and yeah, that was… a bit of a deterrent, and so I kind of backed off but decided to stick with Wu anyways because you an’ Lord Zhou Yu were so confident in keeping me around. And why not, right? Pay was alright, even better after you talked with them, and it beat having to risk gettin’ killed robbin’ others.” The bells at his waist jingled slightly as he scratched his head. He wasn’t really itchy, just trying to preoccupy himself and keep himself going. “I grew to like the stability it offered and there’s always some fight, so it was good living.” 

It was nice to know that he had encouraged someone else to join Wu and make a good change in their life, but he held some reserve towards the matter. To join a kingdom under the pretence of romance, even if only a crush… for anyone else, it would have been extremely petty and one would be quick to question their loyalty after all, especially if the person they desired already had a significant other. But somehow with Gan Ning, it seemed oddly fitting for someone to join a cause for completely selfish reasons. Why did it matter, so long as he remained loyal even after suffering a broken heart? Lü Meng wasn’t sure what to think of this revelation but Gan Ning wasn’t pushing him for a response either and so he would not get one yet. 

“I was willin’ to let it go.” Now that surprised him and Gan Ning flinched when Lü Meng’s gaze shot to him so suddenly, making him hurry for an explanation. “Not that you were any less to me for that, just… you got a good wife, an’ I didn’t want to do anything to upset her, or your kids. So I didn’t say anything.”

“Because you didn’t want to hurt them?”

“Look, I know I’m not a good person. I’m not even a decent person. I’ve done things that no one should be proud of, and yet, there I go, boasting about it all.” He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling now, anything to escape the growing fire in the general’s eyes. “I’m a bad person, but not a monster. I’d never do anything to hurt your wife, or your kids… maybe your horse, who hates me anyways, or that pig you keep insisting is a dog, but then that’ll get you and your kids upset, an’ I don’t wanna do that. So I tried to keep it to myself.”

“I can’t imagine what kind of strength that takes…” And as always, Lü Meng was honest. He really couldn’t. 

“You think so?”

“It takes great strength to hold back, when every piece of you screams to speak out. Take from someone who has a very thin filter between his brain and his mouth,” said Lü Meng and he offered Gan Ning a warm smile when he noticed the smallest hints of meekness trying to break through. “Master Zhou Yu tried to get a handle on that, even as Master Lu Su thinks it’s one of my better traits. Withholding what’s on your mind is rough, but also your heart? I can imagine it’s a far more difficult task.”

“Yeah, well… it sucked, but I figured if you had to put up with me, then I can deal with bein’ around you and not havin’ you to myself like that.” 

“Gan Ning, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to put you through that…”

And he meant every word of it. Gan Ning apparently held strong emotions for him, far stronger than he even realized, and he hadn’t suspected a thing. Zhou Yu would have been rolling in his -grave- to see one of his students still as oblivious to the inner workings of man. It should have filled him with shame but the thought of what kind of pain he caused Gan Ning chased it all away. 

To which Gan Ning shrugged, as though he never considered his own suffering to be even worth the apology. “I was willin’ to just let things be the way they were, even when it looked like you an’ that general, Taishi Ci, were getting real close.”

“It wasn’t like that.” Lü Meng was quick to jump onto the defense, even if his ground was shaky. It was never like that for him, but could he say the same for Taishi Ci? The stabbing of his heart was quick to tell him otherwise but there was more to their relationship than that of love. It was love, but not the kind that others claimed it to be and it made little sense to him, even in his own head, so what use would he have explaining it to Gan Ning? Or Ren? Did she know? About Taishi Ci? About Gan Ning? He swallowed that fear down and forced himself to remain focused, using Gan Ning’s confusion as fuel to explain what he feared couldn’t be explained in mere words. “What was between Master Taishi Ci and myself was… it wasn’t romantic. He was helping me overcome these boundaries and tried to help me find myself.”

Gan Ning tilted his head though he didn’t look nearly as adorable as Baozi might have when confused. He knew it was useless to try and explain what existed between himself and Taishi Ci and truthfully, he didn’t want to go into it. Not when his mind could still bring up the general’s final moments before he was forced to abandon him and his heart still ached to know that his ill fate was partly his own fault, despite his lord’s reassurances. “Don’t look at me like that! Maybe it was something more to him, but for me, it wasn’t like that. I wouldn’t know what it’s like for him now, but there was nothing any deeper than that of a great man trying to help his fellow general discover himself.”

Why bother trying to get through to Gan Ning about this, he thought bitterly to himself, and he took Gan Ning’s silence as a token of his failure. He wanted to push himself away from his desk and leave, but the idea of being chased out of his own office and not simply demanding the other to leave kept him firmly in place. A fine time for his ego to flare up as it did now! 

The silence that lingered between them now was near unbearable but Lü Meng was determined to hold his ground. His conscious kept wanting to chase Gan Ning out and be done with it, but something held his tongue and he refused to talk. Eventually Gan Ning cut through the silence, shifting positions and almost allowing his jingling bells to almost drown out his surprisingly soft mutter. “Oh… uh… I… I didn’t know. Heard stuff and just assumed that there was something bloomin’ between you two…”

“Respect. Admiration. Love isn’t the only thing that can exist between two people, you know.”

It came out far more condescending than he intended for it to but Gan Ning hardly seemed affected by it. If anything, there was hope in those peculiar eyes of his, as well as a hint of fear, and perhaps even regret, but there was no time to look deeper into it. The knowledge that there wasn’t anything deeper between him and the late Taishi Ci seemed to reignite his fires and he was doing a terrible job of keeping it all under control yet there was clearly an effort being made. “Well, I didn’t know that, and so I tried to leave it alone… then Hefei happened, and your stupid horse showed up without you on his back. All hell was breakin’ loose an’ yet, the moment I saw Ying without you there, I just… forgot everything and everyone else. I jumped on his back an’ went lookin’ for you. Even if you were dying somewhere, I was going to find you and tell you the truth, Taishi Ci and Ren be damned. Thankfully it didn’t come to that…”

“For which I’m grateful,” Lü Meng added with a sigh, though now it put him in an awkward as hell situation. And yet, what did one care about awkwardness when it came to far worse things such as unrequited love, or worse, the betrayal that Ren would feel to know that her husband was in love with another? Was he in love with Gan Ning? He didn’t know. He truly didn’t know and yet he had a feeling that Taishi Ci knew. His mind was adrift in thoughts, on how Taishi Ci could know so much more about him than he himself, and yet even that was an escape from this. He refused to flee from this, he told himself, even as his stomach churned and twisting into knots deep within. “If not for you, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Yeah, well… if not for you, I’d be dead, and so would a lot of others, right? We’re even…” He clapped his hands on his knees and pushed himself upright with a single swing with such speed that it made even the stationary Lü Meng dizzy. “You’re the only one that’s ever had any kind of faith in me… more faith than I have in myself even, I guess. And you know what?”

“What?”

“I still… want you. Even if you don’t love me like that. Even if you still love that little mouse of a wife, I still love you. And nothin’ is ever going to change that.” And suddenly, without warning, the former pirate was upon him and never had Lü Meng felt paralyzed on the spot as he did now with Gan Ning looming over him. His breath held in his chest, too afraid of doing anything that might trigger that hungered look in Gan Ning’s eyes yet knowing it was inevitable if all he was saying was true. “I almost lost you at Hefei, an’ I won’t lose you to anyone else.”

His gaze pinned him to his seat as well as common sense. He knew that if he tried to break free or pull rank that Gan Ning would overcome him and in his condition, there’d be no doubt who the victor of that fight would be. His leg would heal but it guaranteed he’d be limited to what he could do and damn Gan Ning for being clever enough to take advantage of it. It took much effort to try and look away and he was surprised with just how soft, how pathetically weak, his own voice was in his ears. “And will you share me with Ren? Or do you simply plan on taking what you want without any regard to the consequences?”

In retrospect it was a foolish thing he did. He antagonized him, and so when he retaliated, he only had himself to blame. He was expecting Gan Ning to grab him or even strike him and yet the rough hands that closed around his stubbled chin were deceptively gentle, as though not worn from years of swinging various weapons or pummeling foe with his bare fists. A flick of his wrist had Lü Meng looking back into his eyes and the lust he saw, and just how much restraint he was exerting to keep such a desire at bay, made him regret his harsh words more than he would. “If you’re into that sort of thing, then yeah… told you before, I won’t hurt her or your kids. Not on purpose. You love ‘em, an’ besides, I like ‘em too. I’m a monster, but… I’m not that bad.”

That was certainly a relief to hear though it didn’t make any of this easier to swallow. Lü Meng had mentioned sharing but never actually considered it. And nor would he! The very idea of cheating on Ren was nothing short of poison and he managed to break free of Gan Ning’s touch once again. He had to escape this… “I need to prepare my strategies, Gan Ning. We can discuss this further later.”

“No.” Defiant as ever, Gan Ning put his foot down. With a single kick, he pushed the table out of Lü Meng’s reach, knocking ink over the parchment and spilling it on the floor with a clutter. Had Baozi been at his post, he might have been swept away with the table and came bounding with a defensive howl, but the dog was with Ren and the children, thus leaving his owner defenseless. No, not completely defenseless, as Gan Ning was quick to find out when he grabbed his arm to yank him onto his feet. “We’re gonna talk about this NOW!”

The moment Lü Meng was on his feet, he lashed out, his arm striking with the speed and precision of a snake that been lying in wait through the guise of rest. After so many sparring sessions with Taishi Ci and surviving Hefei, Lü Meng’s reflexes were polished and refined, as though the idea of another loss so soon fueled his pride to go into overtime. His hand struck at Gan Ning’s side and it was only aimed to break himself loose from his touch and nothing more, though he feared he may have put more strength behind the strike than he initially intended. Gan Ning’s gasp stopped any follow up he had planned and he was going to apologize until his words were stolen right out of his mouth with a bare shoulder to the gut.

Down they went and what had started as an already tense conversation erupted into a scuffle and neither man held the upper hand for long. There was shouting but never for any assistance or guards, and those that heard the fight did not dare stick their heads in. Did they know what would transpire? Had they known what Lü Meng was apparently oblivious to? They tossed and rolled about, heated exclamations and swear words thrown about so loudly that the bells at Gan Ning’s waist failed to drown them out. It wasn’t so much a fight to the death but a power struggle and though Lü Meng was at a clear disadvantage, he did not show quarter. He couldn’t show quarter, not with Gan Ning, not here. 

Who knew how long the fight had lasted? Days? Hours? Minutes? The logical side told him that they couldn’t have been going on for more than a minute or two, three at most, and yet, it felt as though it had lasted into eternity. By the end of fight, both men were breathless and drenched with sweat and yet neither one was willing to call it quits first. Lü Meng’s throat burned from exertion, having spent far too much time cooped up in his office recovering and his muscles felt like they were on fire, but he couldn’t deny just how exhilarating it all was, how revigorating it was. The heart was pumping but without fear of death, despite who his opponent was, and he could not ignore the passion that raged deep within his abdomen and chest. And Gan Ning knew it. He had to have known it, as his tactic shifted. His heated blows turned into more gentle, more possessive holds, and the wet lips to his neck enticed an almost childish giggle out of the general though he tried his best to stifled it to protect his pride.

He could have fought harder. He should have fought harder, he told himself, even as he was allowing Gan Ning to win. He should have resisted him and put him in his place. He should have held strong, but he didn’t. The will to fight left him, even when there was a voice of reason deep within trying to reach him, trying to remind him of Ren, of his children, even of Taishi Ci.

But that voice was drowned out by the tantalizing and welcoming jingling of bells, and in the end, it was Lü Meng who pulled Gan Ning close to him on the ground to whisper harshly in his ear. “The bed’s more comfortable…”


End file.
